Walking the Labyrinth E-Book

Lois Cloarec Hart

• Herausgeber: Ylva Publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 332

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013

Beschreibung

A slow-burn romance that proves it's never too late to love again. Is there life after loss? Lee Glenn, co-owner of a private security company, didn't think so. Crushed by grief after the death of her wife, she uncharacteristically retreats from life. But love doesn't give up easily. After her friends and family stage a dramatic intervention, Lee rejoins the world of the living, resolved to regain some sense of normalcy but only half-believing that it's possible. Her old friend and business partner convinces her to take on what appears on the surface to be a minor personal protection detail. The assignment takes her far from home, from the darkness of her loss to the dawning of a life reborn. Along the way, Lee encounters people unlike any she's ever met before: Wrong-Way Wally, a small-town oracle shunned by the locals for his off-putting speech and mannerisms; and Wally's best friend, Gaëlle, a woman who not only translates the oracle's uncanny predictions, but who also appears to have a deep personal connection to life beyond life. Lee is shocked to find herself fascinated by Gaëlle, despite dismissing the woman's exotic beliefs as "hooey." But opening yourself to love also means opening yourself to the possibility of pain. Will Lee have the courage to follow that path, a path that once led to the greatest agony she'd ever experienced? Or will she run back to the cold comfort of a safer solitary life?

Leseprobe

Walking the Labyrinth

Copyright © 2013 by Lois Cloarec Hart. All rights reserved.

ISBN paperback: 978-3-95533-052-1

ISBN mobi: 978-3-95533-049-1

ISBN epub: 978-3-95533-050-7

ISBN pdf: 978-3-95533-051-4

Published by Ylva Publishing, legal entity of Ylva Verlag, e.Kfr.

Ylva Verlag, e.Kfr.

Am Kirschgarten 2

65830 Kriftel

Germany

http://www.ylva-publishing.com

First Edition: June 2013

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, events, and locations are

fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons or events,

living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any

form without permission.

Credits

Editor: Sandra Gerth

Cover and Formatting: Streetlight Graphics

Acknowledgments

Thousands of years ago, we told our stories to a few around a cooking fire. Today we tell our stories to millions via social media. The common thread is how we convey so much of ourselves, whether in the form of shared humour, a bit of gossip, or a philosophical observation. This is the human imperative, to leave our mark and to contribute our stories to the cultural tapestry. Walking the Labyrinth, within its fictional construct, is my story, more than anything else I’ve ever written. No story has ever spilled out of me in a torrent the way this one did, but it would not have come fully to life without the help and dedication of some remarkable and talented women.

As every author knows, excellent editing is vital to a polished end product. My wife has edited every word I’ve written since we first met twelve years ago. Day, words are simply inadequate to tell you how much I appreciate your contributions. When I can make you laugh or cry, when you tell me something lacks the Loie-spark and prompt me to rewrite, and when you signal your approval with a smile and a nod, I know all over again how fortunate I am to have you.

Kathleen GramsGibbs, who has been working with me almost as long as Day, is the best of sounding boards, contributors, and as an added bonus, a dear friend. My deepest thanks, Kathy. I hope to benefit from your insight, vision, and patience for years to come.

For this first book with Ylva, I’ve had the pleasure and privilege of working with Sandra Gerth, who’s done a sterling job of editing. Long before we met, I appreciated her writing ability, having devoured the stories written under her nom de plume, Jae. It was a pleasure to discover that she’s equally talented as an editor.

Astrid Ohletz invited me to become a part of Ylva’s family at the end of 2012, and I’m so very glad I accepted. From skilled editing to fabulous cover art, producing Walking the Labyrinth has been a completely positive experience. Thank you, Astrid. I look forward to a long and fruitful relationship with Ylva.

Day

I love you

That’s all

That’s everything

Chapter 1

Lee listlessly eyed the wisp of smoke curling up from the cigarette that dangled between her fingers. The ashtray on her lap had overflowed and left dark streaks on the grimy, white T-shirt hanging on her like a shroud. A silent, flickering television screen was the only illumination in the darkness of the basement den, and nothing diffused the sour air.

Lee reached for the bottle beside her. A wedding ring, too large for her finger, clanked against the glass. It captured her attention, and her hand stilled.

She stared at the ring, remembering the day her late wife had placed it on her finger. It had been a perfect day. Surrounded by friends and family, Lee pledged herself for life to the woman she loved.

“For life...right. Who knew ‘life’ would turn out to be so little time together, eh, Dana?”

Lee started at the sound of her own voice. It was bleak and raw, and echoed hollowly as if the owner had long ago abandoned using it. She tried to clear her throat, but that only engendered a fit of coughing. In sudden self-disgust, she stubbed out the cigarette and set the laden ashtray aside.

A doorbell sounded upstairs, but Lee ignored it. She knew that her son, Eli, or his girlfriend, Liz, would get it. It wouldn’t be anyone to see her. Not after she spent months rebuffing every appeal and invitation her friends had extended until they finally gave up and left her alone in her basement refuge. She didn’t blame them.

Lee leaned forward. Her forearms rested on bony knees as she tried to recall when she had last seen any of her friends. Three months ago? Six? She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d gone in to work. She shook her head wryly. “Good thing I own half the business or I’d have fired me long ago.”

She stared at the faded carpet, now covered with stains and dust bunnies. Dana had been so excited the day they’d found exactly the right colour carpet for the basement of their new home. Lee laughed softly as she remembered how insistent Dana had been on not settling for less than the precise shade of burgundy she had fixed in her mind. It had taken over a year before they stumbled upon a suitable carpet in a country flea market, but once Dana spied it, there was no discouraging her. They had been out for the day on Lee’s beloved Suzuki bike and couldn’t carry the carpet with them. Dana didn’t want to leave it for fear it would be gone by the time they got back, so Lee drove all the way back to the city and returned with a borrowed truck to bring their new-found treasure home.

Lee was ashamed at how dishevelled the carpet was, and she winced as she noticed a cigarette burn by her feet. How had she let Dana’s carpet come to this state?

“Maybe I could rent a carpet cleaner.” Lee ran a hand roughly through her lank, stringy hair. Several strands snagged, and she recoiled at the pain. She held her hand out and was dismayed by the long, dirty fingernails. She could see the ragged edges where she had broken nails on the weight machine, which had been one of her few solaces the past year.

The door at the top of the stairs creaked and opened.

Lee looked up, half-expecting to see Eli with a plate of food. He or Liz usually came down about this time, even though she rarely ate much of what they offered. To her surprise, however, Lee realized she was hungry. It was an unfamiliar sensation, and she rubbed her concave stomach.

It was Eli, but he wasn’t carrying her usual supper plate. He was preceding a small group of people down the stairs.

Lee frowned when she recognized her old friends.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Eli flipped on the light.

Lee flinched and covered her eyes with her forearm. “What the hell did you do that for?”

“Because it’s time to face the light, Lee. It’s time you left this basement and started to live again.”

Lee lowered her arm and squinted as the light stabbed at her reddened eyes. She surveyed the small group warily. “Christ, what is this? An intervention?”

Rhiannon stepped forward. “That’s exactly what this is. We’ve given you long enough. We’re not going to let you destroy yourself bit by bit any longer.”

“Go away.”

Rhiannon ignored Lee’s half-hearted rejection and knelt next to the chair. “No.” She touched Lee’s knee, and Lee shrank back. “No, I won’t go away, and neither will Marika or Eli or any of us. You never in your life let a friend down, and we’re not going to let you down either.”

“You’re wrong. I let her down.” The retort was automatic, but Lee realized the emotion behind the words had faded. The guilt that had haunted her day and night for months had subsided. For a split second, Lee didn’t know whether to feel culpable or rejoice at its loss.

Marika rested her hands on Rhiannon’s shoulders. “That’s bullshit, and you know it. Dana fought with everything she had, but there was nothing she, you, or any of her doctors could do to stop the spread of the cancer.”

David added, “You didn’t let her down then, Lee.” When she finally looked up at him, he continued, “But you’re letting her down now. In your soul, you know how horrified she’d be to see you like this, isolated, barely existing.”

Lee dropped her gaze. She did know. The knowledge had been building within her for weeks, but she’d been unable to summon the energy to break the destructive cycle that trapped her. She had spent so long mired in a morass of despair that she’d forgotten how to live any other way.

Willem stepped forward. “My friend, you dishonour not only Dana, but the life you built. I could count on one hand the number of times you’ve been in our offices this past year. I’m tired of carrying DeGroot and Glenn Security by myself. I want my partner back.”

Shame sliced at Lee, and she dropped her gaze. DeGroot and Glenn had once been her pride and joy, second only to Dana and Eli in its importance in her life. How could she have just abandoned the company they had spent a quarter century building up?

“Liz and I got engaged last weekend.”

Her son’s blurted words startled Lee. “You did? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t think you’d care.”

“Not care? Eli, how could you think that?”

Eli dashed tears from his eyes with his shirtsleeve. Lee was sharply reminded of the little boy he’d been when Dana first came into her life with Eli in tow. “Because you haven’t cared about one damn thing since the day we buried Mom. More than anything, I want you to be at our wedding this summer, but I don’t know if you are even going to be alive tomorrow. Hell, I’m scared to bring the laundry downstairs in case I find your body hanging from a rafter. In the middle of the night, when I’m wakened by the sound of that damned weightlifting machine, I’m actually glad. I’m glad because it’s a signal that, for one more night at least, you’re still alive.”

The shame Lee felt at Willem’s words multiplied. “I wouldn’t—”

“Yes, you would,” Eli said. “Every time you took your bike out this winter, I waited for a call from the police telling me you’d been killed in an accident. There was a time you’d have gone up one side of me and down the other for even riding after the end of October. And there you were, out in every fucking blizzard. You were trying to kill yourself, Lee. Don’t tell me you weren’t.”

Lee stared at him, rocked by her son’s insight and her fear that he was right. “I wasn’t—I didn’t—I just needed to get out. That’s all. Sometimes the walls close in on me and I can’t take the way I feel for even one moment longer.”

Eli shook his head, and David put his arms around him. He regarded Lee compassionately over Eli’s shoulder. “Do you remember the day, about a week before Dana died, when she insisted you go home to clean up? It was about the only time you left her that last month.”

Lee grunted. “She told me I stunk worse than Eli’s hockey locker room.” She smiled ruefully, remembering the determined look on Dana’s haggard face as she ordered Lee home for a shower and fresh clothes. “She was right.”

David hugged Eli, then released him and walked toward Lee. “What you didn’t know was that Dana had arranged with Eli to call us to her bedside in the hospice. She wanted to talk to us all without you there.”

Rhiannon took Lee’s hands. “Dana looked like hell that day. She knew—we all knew—that she had very little time left, and she needed something from us.”

Marika regarded Lee sternly. “She had written a letter, and she asked us to make a promise.”

“Promise?” Lee looked around, her brow furrowed. “What did you promise?”

David pulled an envelope from the inner pocket of his jacket. “Dana knew you so well. She knew her death would devastate you. She said to give you a year to grieve in your own way, then give you this letter. If you were in a good place, then the letter would be an added comfort for you, but if you weren’t handling things well, we were to intervene.”

“To say you’re not handling things well would be a vast understatement.”

Lee flinched at the asperity in Marika’s voice.

Rhiannon squeezed Lee’s hands. “You’re handling things like shit, my friend. That has to end. Dana made us promise not to let you go on this way, and come hell or high water, we’re going to keep that promise.”

“She told us to give you this.” David held out the letter. “We don’t know what’s in it. It’s Dana’s final message to you, and it’s time you read it.”

Lee fumbled as she tried to open the envelope until Rhiannon took it and deftly unsealed the flap.

Marika turned on the table lamp and handed over her own reading glasses.

With trembling hands, Lee extracted the handwritten pages. Her vision swam as she desperately tried to make the words legible.

Marika knelt next to Rhiannon, and both her friends rested comforting hands on Lee’s knees. She flashed them a look of gratitude and wiped tears away with shaky fingers. Then, with a deep breath, she focused on the script.

Dana wrote this. These are her last words to me...her last words ever...

Lee tenderly smoothed the pages and began to read.

My darling Lee,

As I write this, I know two things. I know my time on earth grows very short, and I know the pain you’re going to have to endure will be almost unbearable. I wish I could spare you what is to come, but I can’t. I have to believe that some good will come of it, for when I look at you, the agony in your eyes rends my soul.

You have always been so steadfast, my Lee. Everyone has always relied on you—your grandparents, me, Eli, Willem, Marika, and Rhiannon—I can’t think of anyone who has come within your orbit who hasn’t been the better for knowing you. I’ve often thought how ironic it was that you, who had so few biological relatives, created the bonds of family with so many others. But for all your strength, I hear you weeping in the night when you think I’m asleep. Sometimes I reach for you and we cry together. Sometimes I let you have the privacy of your tears. This is unknown territory for me too, my love. Please forgive me if I’ve sometimes been uncertain about the best choices. Know that each decision I made was with you and Eli foremost in mind.

I believe with all my heart that you have the strength to get through the pain, no matter how lost you’re feeling right now. Toward that end, I’m going to enlist our son and our friends to rescue you, if need be, because it is my greatest fear that you will have gone far astray. It is ironic that I have no such fears for Eli. He will grieve for me, and then, with Liz’ help, he’ll pick up his life again. But you, who are the most valiant soul I have ever known, you are the vulnerable one. Perhaps it is because you love so deeply. It is one of your finest qualities, but it also leaves you so terribly open to heartbreak. I was privileged to be the recipient of your magnificent love. And as I take it with me, Lee, so too do I leave with all the love I feel for you and Eli. It was the only thing the cancer could never touch.

It’s time for a little tough love, Lee. If you’re reading this, a year has passed since my death. You’ve either weathered the last twelve months well and are in a healthy, wholesome place, in which case I’m thrilled and delighted for you. Or you abandoned yourself to despair, retreated from life, and pushed away all those who love you and want to help. Truthfully, I suspect the latter will be the case, so as a safeguard I’m going to kick your tail feathers, my dearest one.

Stop it—right now, Lee. I’m not downplaying what you’ll have had to endure the last year. I know how horrendous it will be for you, and I’m going to be watching you with the deepest compassion from the other side. But, my love, you cannot exist in a stasis of sorrow. It’s past time to pull yourself together and get on with your life. Almost every soul who has ever lived has endured the agony of loss. It is a sad reality of the human experience, and few have the luxury of retreating from that pain, because they have people depending on them to keep on putting one foot ahead of the other, day in and day out.

The thing is, love, though you may have temporarily forgotten, you too have people counting on you. You are our son’s only parent now. I need you to be there for Eli. He needs you. He will always need you, even when he is a husband and father himself. And as much as I appreciate Willem’s fine stewardship of DeGroot and Glenn, you are the founder, inspiration, and backbone of that company. I know our friends will feel the huge hole you and I left behind, so I’m relying on you to fill in that piece of their lives again. Our goddaughter will be walking and talking by now. You have so much you can teach Marnie, about life, love, and how to throw a curveball. Let that little girl learn about nobility, honour, and loyalty from a woman who lives all these qualities to the utmost.

So, no more excuses, my love. I don’t expect you to forget me or even to set aside the grief of losing me. I do expect that even as you remember me, you will resume functioning as the fabulous mother, friend, and business partner you’ve always been.

Now listen up, Lee, because this is the most valuable admonition I can leave with you. I don’t want you to encase our love in amber and set it on a shelf. I don’t want you to don a permanent set of widow’s weeds. I do want you to open your heart to new possibilities. There is a woman out there waiting for you. She won’t take my place. She will have a cherished place of her own, and it’s up to you to find her. If I have any say in it, I’ll be steering her your way sooner rather than later, because wasting the kind of love you have to give is an offence against creation. So when she crosses your path, don’t turn away—turn toward her. And when you do, I’ll be dancing with the angels in pure joy.

That’s about all I have to say, my love. I confess that I long for an end to this pain. I don’t have a certainty of what awaits, but many days I simply crave oblivion if it would end this agony. So when it is my time, understand that I do not have a single regret. I would’ve loved to grow old with you, but there is nothing else in my life that I would change—nothing. You and Eli are the best parts of me, so I leave you to an uncertain world. It’s a pretty messed-up old planet, and it needs you, just as I have needed you all these years.

I promise I’ll always be with you and Eli, no matter what. Believe that as you have believed in me...in us.

I love you with everything I am, Lee. And I am so grateful to have been loved by you.

Forever and always yours,

Dana

When Lee finished reading the letter, she stared at the sheets of paper. As much as the contents of the letter, it was seeing the familiar, albeit shaky handwriting that shook her to the core.

Lee felt so many things simultaneously that she didn’t know what she was feeling. Grief, gratitude, and shame rose in a tsunami that swept her to the edge of an abyss. One more inch and Lee would plunge so deep she knew she’d never emerge. But she didn’t have to take that fall. Dana’s words were a lifeline, and Lee hungrily read them again.

Then she looked at the people who surrounded her, offering her unconditional love and support.

Lee slipped the letter back into the envelope and rose to her feet. She met each person’s eyes sorrowfully. “I owe every one of you an apology. I never stopped to consider how my behaviour would affect anyone else. I couldn’t see beyond my own misery. You’re right. You’re all right. I’ve dishonoured Dana’s memory. She would be horrified if she could see me.”

“There’s no ‘if’ about it,” David said softly. “She can see you.”

Lee tilted her face to the ceiling. “Then I apologize with all my heart, sweetheart. And I promise I’ll do better from now on. I swear I’ll do better.” She lowered her gaze and smiled faintly. “Our family and friends will hold me to that, just like you knew they would.”

Lee opened her arms to Eli, and he buried his face against her shoulder. She hugged him and crooned into his hair, remembering anew the boy who had climbed into her lap so many times, waiting for her to read him a story. “I’m so sorry, Eli. I wasn’t there for you, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. Thank God you had Liz.”

“I wasn’t alone, but it was tearing me apart that you felt you were.”

Rhiannon and Marika embraced the pair, and Marika spoke for all of them. “She was never really alone. I think she finally knows that.”

David joined the group hug until the friends started to laugh at the unwieldy arrangement and broke apart.

Lee looked over at Willem, who was surreptitiously dabbing at his eyes with a monogrammed handkerchief. “I’m really sorry for leaving you with the full load for the last year, Wil.”

Willem waved a hand dismissively. “We’ll simply add this to the many favours you owe me.” A relieved smile wrinkled his broad face. “So I will see you soon, yes?”

Lee nodded. “I’ll be in first thing in the morning. Well, by ten anyway. I’ve got to get a haircut first.”

“Good. We have a new client scheduled for eleven. We will meet in my office then.” Willem extended a hand, and Lee shook it.

“I’ll be there. Count on it.”

Willem turned and climbed the stairs with surprising speed for one of his girth.

“Rhi, we’d better get going, too. The babysitter said she could only give us an hour tonight.” Marika kissed Lee on the cheek and wrinkled her nose.

Lee grinned wryly. “Yes, I know. Hit the shower and put on some clean clothes. Job one.”

Rhiannon leaned in for another hug. “Marika’s right, we’ve really got to get going, but damn, it’s good to see you smile. We’ll catch up soon, though, okay? It’s just that at the moment your goddaughter is a holy terror. The Terrible Twos is not an old wives’ tale, believe me, and I don’t want to have to find yet another new babysitter.”

Lee felt a surge of regret. “I’ve been a lousy godmother, haven’t I?”

Rhiannon shrugged. “So you’ll make up for it. Marnie’s two. It’s not like she’s going to hold it against you because you missed her birthday.”

“And Christmas and who knows what else. I’ve missed time with her, with all of you, and that can’t be replaced.”

David laid a gentle hand on Lee’s shoulder. “Don’t focus on time lost, focus on how best to use the time ahead.”

Lee took his hand and squeezed it. “That sounds about what I would expect from an ex-priest, but I take your point. And David, I don’t know if I ever thanked you for the beautiful sermon you gave at Dana’s funeral. I appreciate it more than I can ever tell you. I should’ve said something long before now.”

David hugged Lee and started up the stairs with Rhiannon and Marika. Their voices faded away as they closed the basement door behind them.

Eli regarded Lee warily. “Is it really okay? Are you truly going to be all right now?”

“I can never apologize enough for what I put you through this year, but I swear, it ends tonight.” Lee extended her hands, and Eli took them. “I can’t promise you I’ll never have a bad moment, or that I’ll ever stop missing your mom, but I can promise you I’ll try to live in a way that will make you proud of me.”

“I never stopped being proud of you.” Eli’s eyes welled up again. “I just felt like I lost both my moms.”

Lee pulled him into her arms, revelling in the feel of her son’s embrace. “Temporarily misplaced, but not lost, I swear. I’m going to dance at your wedding, and I’m going to be an insufferably indulgent grandmother to all your kids.”

“Kids? Liz and I are way too young to have kids.”

“Then I’ll wait a few years. I can be patient.”

Eli chuckled, and Lee pulled back. “So...”

“So...do you want your old bedroom back, Lee? Liz had to work late tonight, but she should be home soon. We can move our stuff into my old room.”

“Thanks, but it’s not necessary. I’m fine in the basement guest room, though I should put on a clean set of sheets.”

“I’ll run up and get them. Hey, would you like some supper too? There’s leftover meatloaf in the fridge. I could make you up a plate.”

“You know what? I’m tired of eating down here. How about I meet you in the kitchen after I have a shower? Make a pot of coffee, and we’ll sit down and talk. I’d like to hear all about how you popped the question and what plans you kids have for the wedding.”

Lee hadn’t seen Eli grin so widely since the day she and Dana had surprised him with a used car on his seventeenth birthday.

“Excellent! I’ll go put the coffee on. I think Liz may even have some homemade cookies stashed in the cupboard. C’mon up when you’re ready.”

Lee watched Eli run up the stairs. She smiled affectionately as she reflected on the dramatic intervention her loved ones had staged. “It’s not everyone who’d have had the courage to brave a deranged widow in her lair. I’m a very fortunate woman.” Then she laughed outright at the thought of calling herself fortunate. “Half an hour ago I’d have thought that impossible. Just goes to show, I guess. Miracles can happen. They always could around Dana.”

The earlier stirrings of hunger had become a full-blown onslaught, so Lee left the den and crossed the basement to the former guest bedroom. Since the day Dana went into hospice care, Lee had been unable to enter the room that had been theirs. This spare room was nothing more than a place to catch a few hours of sleep at night, but at least its walls didn’t echo with memories of all the love she and Dana had shared in the decades they’d owned their home.

Lee sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Dana’s letter out of the envelope. As she re-read it, she traced the familiar handwriting with her finger and heard her wife’s voice in every loving, encouraging word.

One letter, even one as poignant as this, would not single-handedly heal the hollow wound in her heart. It would not fill Lee’s barren arms or take the place of the laughing, giving woman who had once slept beside her.

But it was a start. And it was a gift.

Chapter 2

Lee studied her reflection as the stylist put the final touches on the long-overdue haircut. The sallow, drawn woman looking back at her in the mirror was oddly unfamiliar. Lee’s once dark hair, considerably shorter as Angie finished the cut, was almost completely white. Shadows deepened her hazel eyes despite ten hours of sleep.

Angie met Lee’s eyes in the mirror. She opened her mouth to say something, but with a small shake of her head, apparently thought better of it.

“It’s okay, Ang. I look like hell; I know it.”

“You look like someone who’s been through hell,” Angie said gently. She picked up the blow dryer, and for a few moments the whir of the small appliance didn’t allow for further conversation. “There, much better.”

Angie whipped the cape away, and Lee stood, brushing stray hairs from her suit. Angie frowned and plucked at Lee’s sleeve. “You could put two of you in that suit. I think you need to do some shopping.”

Lee nodded ruefully. She hadn’t donned any of her business suits for so long that she was shocked when she’d had to borrow one of Liz’s belts to keep her pants up. “I will, but I’ve got a meeting this morning.” She followed Angie to the front of the shop, where she took out her wallet.

“This one is on me. I’m just glad to see you in here again.”

“That’s awfully sweet, Ang, but I can’t let you do that. This is your livelihood.” Lee held out her credit card, only to have it pushed firmly back at her.

“You and—You’ve been coming here for over twenty years. I think I can spring for one haircut. Call it a loyal customer bonus. After all, it’s my name on the door.” Angie leaned forward with a little smile. “Just don’t let word get around.”

Lee shook her head in amusement. “Am I at least allowed to tip?”

“Not today.” Angie gave Lee a quick hug, handed over her coat, and then turned to open the door. “Now shoo, I’ve got clients waiting, and so do you. I’ll see you next month. Call me for an appointment.”

“Definitely.” As Lee exited the shop, she made a mental note to double her usual tip at the next appointment. A sharp wind hit her face, and Lee flipped her collar up. It was too early in the spring for the morning sun to provide much warmth. She shivered as she strode along the downtown street toward the offices of DeGroot and Glenn Security.

Lee checked her coat pocket for her cigarettes and only then remembered she had smoked her last after breakfast. “Shit.” Her first inclination was to duck into the nearest convenience store, but then she stopped short, recalling the previous night’s promise to her son.

Finally, Lee shook her head and shot an apologetic look skyward. “Sorry, sweetheart; I meant what I said to Eli. I am going to do better, I swear. It’s just too hard to give up all my vices at once.”

She walked into the convenience store and bought a pack of cigarettes. As soon as she exited the shop, she lit up and drew in a deep lungful of smoke. When she reached the high-rise that housed DeGroot and Glenn, Lee put the cigarette out, exchanging knowing nods with two others who had fled the building’s “no smoking” policy.

Lee glanced at her watch as she rode the elevator to the nineteenth floor. She had an hour before their eleven o’clock appointment. It would give her time to get up to speed on their new client. Knowing Ann, she’ll have the file ready and waiting.

The thought of her long-time assistant brought a smile and then a guilty frown. She hadn’t asked Willem if Ann was still in their employ. Perhaps the woman had given up on her long-absent boss and left for more interesting fields. Lee held her breath until she rounded the corner to her office and saw Ann working at her usual desk.

Ann looked up and instantly burst into tears.

Lee stopped short. In twenty-five years, she had never seen her ultra-competent assistant get emotional about anything. “Aw, damn, do I look that bad? I swear I’ll go find a tailor today.”

Lee’s lame jest was ignored as Ann flew around the desk and wrapped her in a bear hug. “You look wonderful. And I could just…just…”

“Squeeze me to death?”

Ann drew away and smacked Lee’s arm with a stinging slap. “How could you give up like that? On yourself, on all of us? Dana would’ve kicked your ass—”

“From here to Vancouver and back. I know, Ann. I’m so sorry.” Lee shook her head contritely. She had the feeling that she was going to be making a lot of apologies over the next few days.

“Lee? Is that you?”

Lee and Ann turned at the sound of a familiar voice.

“Damn! As soon as I heard the news, I had to come see for myself. Sonofabitch. I’m so glad to have you back. And about friggin’ time, too.”

Lee laughed and extended her hand to the head of their technical department. “Happy to see you too, Barb.”

Barb shook Lee’s hand enthusiastically. “You back for good? You’re not just showing your colours, then disappearing again for six months?”

“She’s back for good. Aren’t you?”

Lee chuckled at Ann’s firm statement. “You heard what the lady said. Ann’s going to keep me chained to my desk from now on.”

“Excellent. Hey, you wanna go for lunch today? The Tudor Rose almost went under this past year without your patronage.”

“I’d love to, but Willem and I are meeting with a new client at eleven. I’m not sure how long that will take, but afterwards, I’m going to need to buy some new clothes. How about a rain check?”

“Sure. No problem. You know where you can find me.” Barb ambled out of the office and disappeared around the corner.

Ann plucked at Lee’s suit jacket. “I’m relieved to hear that you’re going to do some shopping. You look like a refugee from a hobo’s yard sale.”

Lee smiled at Ann affectionately. “I missed you too.”

Ann gave a tart sniff and turned away. But by the time Lee entered her office and hung up her jacket, Ann had returned with a cup of coffee. “You’ll find the information you need for the meeting filed under ‘Britten’.”

“Thanks. And Ann, thank you for...for holding down the fort. For not abandoning ship. A lot of people would have.”

Ann’s face softened, and her eyes glistened with tears again. “None of us gave up on you; none of us ever would. I hope you know that.”

“I do now. I just forgot for a little while.”

“Perfectly understandable. Now, do you want some time with Willem before eleven?”

“Yes. Ten minutes or so should be good. Thanks.”

Ann left the office and closed the door behind her.

Lee leaned back in the leather chair and slowly spun around, admiring the western view of the mountains through floor-to-ceiling windows. Her chest tightened as she remembered the first day she so proudly brought Dana to see her new corner office. For a long moment, Lee indulged the too familiar despair. No. Not now.I can’t do this now. I won’t do this now.

She turned back to her desk and, with a deep breath, switched on her computer.

Lee entered Willem’s outer office, the twin of her own, at the opposite end of the long hallway. A new face sat behind the desk. Lee grinned inwardly as she wondered if Willem’s wife had laid down the law yet again. Willem had a weakness for lithe, blonde assistants, but the stout, middle-aged woman currently occupying the desk looked as if she had been handpicked by the formidable Mrs. Meena DeGroot.

“May I help you?”

“Yes. Would you please tell Willem that Lee Glenn is here to see him?”

“Oh, Ms. Glenn. I do apologize for not recognizing you.” The assistant’s gaze flashed to the picture on the wall. She stood and held out her hand, which Lee shook. “I’m Sophie Winston. I started with Mr. DeGroot four months ago. I’ll let him know you’re here.”

Lee nodded. She didn’t blame the new assistant. These days she didn’t look much like the picture taken when she and Willem had opened their security company twenty-five years earlier.

The inner office door burst open, and Willem hustled out. “Lee. I’m delighted to see you.” He shook her hand vigorously and regarded his partner with approval. “Why, you look a hundred times better already. Come. Come.” As Willem led Lee into his office, he called back over his shoulder, “Sophie, when Miss Britten arrives, show her right in.”

“Yes, sir.”

Willem closed the door and motioned Lee to the couch on the side of his office. “Sit. Can I have Sophie bring you a coffee?”

Lee took a seat and sank back in the soft leather. “No, thanks. I’ve been drinking Ann’s brew for the last hour, and you know how potent that stuff is.”

Willem laughed as he lowered his ponderous bulk to the couch. “I do indeed. She should market it as a guaranteed cure for fatigue. Remember how we used to rely on her coffee after we’d been out all night working?”

Lee laughed wryly. “Back when it was just you, me, and Ann, all crowded into one tiny basement office.”

“DeGroot and Glenn. We’ve certainly grown since then, haven’t we?”

“Yup. Which reminds me, we should probably update our corporate portrait. Neither of us looks much like that now.”

Willem patted his generous girth. “True. I think I put on ten pounds for every one that you’ve lost since then. But let’s keep the photo so I can remember the days when I could still outrun you.”

“Me and just about anyone else.”

“Now I can barely keep up with my grandsons. But it’s not so bad, eh? All those twenty-hour days and seven-day weeks? We’ve done all right for ourselves, yes?”

“I wish... No, you’re right. We’ve done just fine.”

Willem regarded Lee keenly. “You wish maybe we’d worked fewer of those long hours so you could’ve spent them with Dana.”

“I never knew the hours would run out, Wil. I thought we had all the time in the world. I figured it would all pay off because we’d have the means to retire early and sail around the world if we wanted to.”

Willem was quiet for several long moments, and then he laid a hand on Lee’s arm. “My friend, if you want to retire, you have the means to do so. Our hard work has paid off, and very handsomely, I might add. I want you back in the world of the living, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be back in these offices. If there’s something else you want to do, somewhere else you want to make a fresh start...well, I’d understand and support you one hundred per cent.”

“I realize that, but honestly, I’ve lived and breathed our company so long, I don’t know what else I’d do with myself. Retirement without Dana wouldn’t mean a damned thing.” Lee shot Willem a weak smile. “You’ll probably find me expired at my desk some day. When you do, just send for a mortician.”

“Or put a cup of Ann’s coffee in your hand. If that doesn’t revive you—”

“Nothing will. Okay, enough kibitzing. Tell me more about our new client. I read the file, but I can hardly believe it.”

“Neither could I, but Stu swears up and down that’s how it happened.”