Worthwhile E-Book

Carin Vijfhuizen

• Herausgeber: novum pro Verlag
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 303

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

This book is for anyone who is interested in the intricacies of daily life. Daily life consists of various contexts in which we, as explorers, discover and develop our treasures. Our journeys are not without challenges. We learn to lead and follow through which we find our treasures that we need to strengthen: this makes life worthwhile. On our journeys in daily life we shape our value, values, and learn how to value ourselves and others. This is the process of making ourselves authentic and putting our colours on display. Organisations, economies and countries go through the same processes and make themselves of value too. Our personal accomplishments culminate in a legacy, which is a spin-off of our explorations. Dr. Ir. Carin Vijfhuizen is a rural development sociologist and an international expert in capacity and institutional strengthening, leadership and gender.

Leseprobe

Contents

Imprint

Foreword

Citation

1 - Intricacies of daily life

1.1 One’s own value: discovering, developing, and valuing treasures 11

1.2 Balancing between extremes: leading and following 13

1.2.1 Freedom: allowing/restricting 15

1.2.2 Compassion: giving/taking 17

1.2.3 Peace and security: obedience/disobedience 17

1.2.4 Learning: winning /losing 19

1.2.5 (Re)Conciliation: love/fear 21

1.2.6 Sharing: equality/inequality 22

1.2.7 Contentment: content/discontent 23

1.2.8 Leadership: lead/follow 24

1.3 Adapting and being different: authenticity 24

1.4 Leading or suffering? 28

1.5 Bravely forward: every moment of the day 29

2 - Exploring the self through different phases in life

2.1 The explorations of an infant 33

2.1.1 Basic needs 33

2.1.2 Let me take the wheel or let us do it together 34

2.1.3 Borders and little bombs 35

2.1.4 The jar with sweets: how to choose and decide? 36

2.1.5 The ‘wow’ of the (extra)ordinary in daily life 37

2.1.6 To talk or to ask 38

2.2 Discoveries through education: discovering and acknowledging our value 39

2.2.1 Denial/rejection often masks a hidden treasure 40

2.2.2 Discovering treasures through grades and testing? 43

2.2.3 Discovering countries and passions while studying 45

2.3 Growth through jobs: developing and making ourselves valuable 47

2.3.1 Zambia 49

2.3.2 Zimbabwe 50

2.3.3 Mozambique 53

2.3.4 The Netherlands 54

2.3.5 Yemen 55

2.3.6 The Hague: Tanzania, South Africa, Yemen, Egypt, The Palestinian Territories, Bangladesh 56

2.3.7 Saudi Arabia 56

2.3.8 One’s own enterprise and authentic value 57

2.3.9 The last phase 59

2.4 The discoveries of my grown son 60

2.5 Famous explorers 61

2.6 Development and growth 63

2.6.1 Discovering and developing treasures 64

2.6.2 Balancing 67

2.6.3 Authenticity 67

2.6.4 Valuing and appreciating: setting an example 68

2.7 Discovering and developing: valuing ourselves and others 69

3 - Exploring organisations

3.1 The challenges of working for an organisation 71

3.2 The individual in the organisation 73

3.3 Three self-development challenges 76

3.3.1 Needs and motivation 76

3.3.2 Setting goals, self-efficacy, and social influence 77

3.3.3 Psychological contract: balancing giving and taking 77

3.4 Strengthening the organisation means navigating treasures 79

3.4.1 Feedback and (self-)appreciation 79

3.4.2 Space in organisations and micromanagement 80

3.4.3 Creating space: taking the helm or steering together leads to greater involvement 81

3.4.4 Trust, recognition, and valuing 83

3.5 Organisational structure partly influences performance 83

3.5.1 From 3C to 3I 84

3.5.2 Satisfaction Survey 85

3.5.3 Decisions made by management and leadership 87

3.5.4 Valuing structural change: trust and space 88

3.6 Leadership and organisational culture 91

3.7 Balancing and valuing (in) organisations 95

4 - Exploring economies

4.1 Material value: buying and selling houses 99

4.2 A crisis of greed: everyone needs a piece, and some want more 102

4.3 Social business 107

4.4. The chipping economy and employment opportunities 109

4.5 Balancing social security 111

4.5.1 The social security of an independent entrepreneur 112

4.5.2 Social security: basic-universal income, barter, and education 114

4.5.3 Social security in a healthy environment with food security 116

4.6 Balancing and valuing more than just material value 118

5 - Exploring countries

5.1 What’s the value of a wall? 121

5.2 Israel and the Palestinian Territories 123

5.2.1 A work visit: travelling through checkpoints 123

5.2.2 Is history shaping a legitimate authority? 127

5.2.3 Two states or one? 130

5.3 Zimbabwe: the value of home 131

5.4 Indonesia: agricultural value and employment opportunities 135

5.5 Yemen: balancing tribal realities 138

5.6 Valuing multiple leaders and balancing different C’s 141

6 - Exploring religious and spiritual beliefs

6.1 Near-death experiences 146

6.2 Treasures in religion worth valuing 147

6.3 Balancing the extremes in religion 149

6.4 Interpretations 152

6.5 The treasures of my parents 153

6.5.1 Our mother valuing faith 153

6.5.2 Our father valuing faith 159

6.5.3 Valuing the new world as a treasure in the now 162

6.6 Valuable religions for a better world 163

6.7 The value of African traditional religion: spirits and mediums 167

6.7.1 That one God and the combination of religious beliefs 167

6.7.2 The value of good and evil spirits: control and domination 168

6.7.3 Spirit mediums: healing, solving problems, and governance 170

6.8 The value of Islam and religious police 172

6.9 Balancing and valuing our own and other’s interpretations 175

6.9.1 Nature 176

7 - Exploring legacy

7.1 Valuing people makes them heroes 178

7.2 Valuing parents as heroes 182

7.2.1 Valuing our mother as hero 183

7.2.2 Valuing our father as a hero 186

7.2.3 Valuing parents: sculptures and sidewalk tiles 190

7.3 Valuing great thinkers 191

7.4 Heroes and leaders make life worthwhile 196

7.5 Leading and following: one’s own piece and the whole 199

Literature

Annex 1

Acknowledgements

Imprint

All rights of distribution, also through movies, radio and television, photomechanical reproduction, sound carrier, electronic medium and reprinting in excerpts are reserved.

© 2022 novum publishing

ISBN print edition: 978-3-99131-340-3

ISBN e-book: 978-3-99131-341-0

Editor: Laura Hiermann

Translated by Boudewijn R. Vijfhuizen

Cover image: Noura Bin saidan (@myarts2012)

Cover design, layout & typesetting: novum publishing

Images: Carin Vijfhuizen

www.novum-publishing.co.uk

Foreword

For us as explorers in our daily lives

Citation

1 - Intricacies of daily life

I took a picture of a statue of a pearl diver outside the Bahrain National Museum. Historically, Bahrain’s value was shaped by pearl divers who searched for pearls at the bottom of the sea. Around the time that I took that picture, my father, who was a pastor, passed away. Later I learned that he had selected The Parable of the Hidden Treasure as one of the scriptures for his funeral service. What insights was the universe trying to share with me then? It showed me that life is a journey of discovering, developing, and valuing our treasures.

We are explorers in our daily life. Every context and every situation offer us opportunities to strengthen ourselves and to make ourselves valuable and valued. This process of creating an authentic self is incredibly challenging because we need to discover and develop our treasures and learn to balance. Balancing is an interplay between leading and following and requires flexibility. The exploratory journeys of this book are mostly autobiographical, showing how I made my life worthwhile in the different contexts that I distinguish in this book:

In each personal development phase (chapter 2) we discover and develop our treasures, which make us of value and authentic. We are helmsmen, learning from others and allowing others to learn from us how to take their own lead.I worked for organisations for almost 30 years (chapter 3), mainly abroad and in the Netherlands. I witnessed that the performance of an organisation improves with strengthened talents, supportive structure, culture, and leadership.In economies we see that absolute value and values thrive (chapter 4). We are balancing expenditures/income, supply/demand, social security/insecurity; egoism/altruism and more.We explore how countries make themselves of value by visiting a few countries where I worked: the Palestinian territories, Zimbabwe, Indonesia and Yemen.The many different religious and spiritual beliefs (chapter 6) share universal treasures, but different interpretations and practices shatter unity.I perceive legacies as spinoffs, unintended consequences, or by-products of our explorations (chapter 7). By valuing others, they become our heroes, and by being valued by others, they make us the colourful heroes that we aspire to be. We balance values, value and valuing in our daily life, only after death may we find the balance.

This book is for everyone who is interested in the intricacies of daily life that allow us to discover and develop our treasures. In this book I define ‘treasure’ as something of value that is worth valuing, which requires balancing, that is leading and following between extremes.

1.1 One’s own value: discovering, developing, and valuing treasures

From a young age, we are taught to do our best, to excel, and to be loyal. Even if things don’t go our way, we are most likely still expected to pick up where we left off and to give it our best shot. It is not entirely unreasonable that the question arises: ‘What is all of this worth?’ Others, who face serious setbacks, may even ask themselves: ‘Is life really worth all this effort?’ Regarding the question: ‘What is life about?’, I discovered and experienced that life is about ‘value, values, valuing’. We embark on our journeys to discover and develop our values as well as our own value and to learn to value what we consider valuable or worth of appreciation.

Everyone has ambitions, a drive, and passions – but to discover them requires trial and error from a young age onwards. Our daughter, at the age of five, wanted to attend ballet lessons so she could become a ballerina. Her goal was to learn how to do a pirouette (on her toes) because that was her definition of a real ballerina. However, she quickly learned that there is much more to ballet than spinning in circles and standing on your toes. Her ballet instructor informed her that she first needed to practice and grow stronger, before she could attempt to dance on her toes, let alone do a pirouette. By the time she would be able to do pirouettes she would be twelve. Needless to say, our daughter, who was thoroughly disappointed, no longer attends ballet lessons. She was not going to wait until she was twelve to be a real ballerina. Realising ambitions requires dedication, practice, and hard work. To unlock and develop our potential comes with a lot of time spent practicing and with treasures such as discipline, determination, conviction, self-esteem, and above all, enjoyment and contentment. However in 2022, at the age of 10, she started ballet lessons again, because she enjoyed the ballet lessons when she was five years old and is still determined to dance and do a pirouette.

We shape our treasures through balancing, the interplay between leading and following. Once we discover our treasures, we strengthen them and learn how to utilize them to bring colour and success to life’s daily explorations. Learning to appreciate our treasures is learning to appreciate ourselves and others.

Everyone is bestowed with their treasures from birth. According to Covey (1989), they just need to be unwrapped. I like the perspective that each of us is born into this world with a vast array of unseen treasures. Life is, then, the journey throughout which we discover and develop them. Since life is ever-changing, we will never stop journeying, nor will we stop learning how to better discover, develop, and appreciate our treasures. Every person goes through the phases of personal development (chapter 2). Success in these personal development phases is largely defined by being in control of one’s own (personal) development. In each personal development phase, we desire to be the ones that chart the course of our own discoveries and developments. On our voyages, we want to steer in our own directions.

Each phase in our lives is specific. When we have grown older, we might prefer living in a small community. But as an ambitious twenty- or thirty-year-old, we may want to go out and discover the world. While other people in their twenties or thirties with children may want to live in a quiet neighbourhood instead. This diversity in personal development phases shows that all-encompassing patterns or models are extremely challenging, like the effort of communal villages in socialism/communism. Models are difficult to apply to people because everyone is in a different phase and develops their own (unique) life path throughout their own unique developmental phases, which is to be appreciated. It does not necessarily mean that we are in our phases of development alone or are required to be wholly self-sufficient on our journey. In all our efforts we need to look for assistance and resources. Once we’ve discovered our passions, or our calling, and when we are motivated and have a clear goal in mind, then we are usually creative enough to mobilise the necessary resources to achieve our goals.

1.2 Balancing between extremes: leading and following

Kierkegaard (1813–1855) wrote many books. Central to Kierkegaard’s whole philosophy is: ‘What does it mean to be a human being’, says Claire Carlisle (2019) in an interview1. Youtube also presents several interesting explanations on Kierkegaard’s thoughts2: ‘the self’cannot exist without opposition: the ego and the alter ego; the positive and the negative voice. Kierkegaard was convinced that people are not willing to go through the process of finding the self. According to him, people live and die without ever discovering ‘the self’. Willpower is also a central tenet of the philosophical works of Nietzsche. I also believe in the power of the will. As the principal of a women’s vocational education and technical training college in Saudi Arabia, staff had put up posters with the college’s vision: ‘The willingness to discover yourself.’ Life is about the willingness to discover and develop one’s own ‘self’.

According to Kierkegaard, the discovery of the self is a challenging journey full of opposition and contradiction. The challenging nature, as I perceive it, is caused by the polar attributes of our treasures. By acknowledging that each treasure has two sides, two polar extremes, which may inform our perspectives and our actions, it becomes imperative to learn balancing them, which means learning to lead and to follow. Take the example of trust/mistrust. Every scenario requires balancing trust and mistrust. There is no permanent balancing point, which can be held onto as an absolute, because life and its circumstances are subject to volatility and change, and many of the situations and scenarios we encounter on our journeys are temporary. The lack of permanent balance makes life challenging. And so, one of the many important treasures to discover and develop is flexibility. One can make life more enjoyable by learning how to readjust, for instance through ‘mind switching’. Mind switching is an act of flexibility, which combines balancing the polar extremes of our treasures with the feasibility of the goal we want to attain. Accepting failure or gauging that a goal might not be met within the trajectory, does not necessarily mean that we should abandon that goal. Instead, a mind switch based on our employed treasure of flexibility may show us that an alternative route is available and accessible.

Devisch (2017) describes life as restless, and my perspective aligns with his. Balancing the polar extremes of our treasures (in any given situation) means continuous hard work. Devisch follows the insights of Pascal3, who stated that there is a field of tension between two poles. Restlessness emerges in the field of tension between the poles of ‘busy’ and ‘bored’ (engaged/disengaged). Because we would rather not be bored, we stay busy, restlessly caught in the field of tension between two extremes.

We constantly maintain a balance, which means weighing the choice between leading and following, between the extremes of each treasure. As I see it, eight treasures stand out in daily life4:

Freedom: – Allowing/Restricting

Compassion: – Giving/Taking

Peace/security: – Obeying/Disobeying

Learning: – Winning/Losing

(Re)Conciliation: Love/Fear

Sharing: – Equality/Inequality

Contentment: – Content/Discontent

Leadership: – Leading/Following

Below, I briefly show how we balance the polar extremes of those treasures and the need to be recognised and valued in our daily life.

1.2.1 Freedom: allowing/restricting

Within the treasure of freedom there are two polar extremes: allowing and restricting. To experience freedom, we need to balance those two extremes time and time again in every situation. Even in captivity. Once we’ve been released, it will eventually be valuing the lark’s birdsong that makes us finally feel free (Frankl, 1978). Frankl’s definition of freedom is centred around finding meaning and the pursuit of endeavours. This pursuit or doing, is also a central tenet of Japanese philosophy. One should strive to do what one is passionate about (Miralles et al., 2016). The input of Heidegger (1927) is that one is free to react how one chooses in every situation5.

My notion of freedom is balancing allowing and restricting and valuing that. Generally speaking, we are free. But often enough it feels like we are not because in every scenario and situation we are balancing allowing and restricting. We live together with others, and they can set boundaries (restrictions), which we may feel affect our freedom or which may influence our perception of our own freedom. Balancing the polar extremes of freedom is a reoccurring theme throughout the chapters of this book, and therefore, freedom might be seen as our most important treasure. We realise that everyone is their own master when it comes to setting personal boundaries. We are not simply dependant on others, allowing or restricting them access to our own personal space, since we can restrict ourselves as well. For instance, by creating a routine we set boundaries for ourselves. Boundaries also occur, or are set, for our own safety and security. Yet, we all need and should be allowed our space. We tend to appreciate it, when others allow us to do as we please. Our intuition acts as our best guide on our explorations. We are not afraid to trust ourselves and connect with others. Freedom can be perceived as balancing setting boundaries (restricting) and creating space (allowing) for yourself. That applies to the different contexts of our daily lives but also to exceptional scenarios. A pianist, who survived the horrors of Auschwitz, only wanted to remember the music she played while she was detained. She survived her detainment because of her love for music and for her son. During her captivity and much later, she was continuously forced to make ‘mind switches’ to survive. She died aged 110.

1.2.2 Compassion: giving/taking

Compassion is a treasure with the polar extremes giving and taking. In organisations the psychological contract between employer and employee is based on give and take (chapter 3). The economy is based on the balance of expenditures and income, as well as on values (chapter 4). There is no such thing as a free lunch. Life often shows that it is ‘tit for tat’. A gift could be perceived as a delayed exchange, such as birthday presents that we give each other. Not only does receiving a gift require that a gift is given in return, but the gifts are also supposed to have approximately the same value. In our explorations of the international world (chapter 5), we will see that control often leads to exclusion, while compassion leads to cooperation which can boost a country’s value(s). Within the context of religious and spiritual beliefs (chapter 6) compassion is also a fundamental treasure. Lastly, one’s own legacy can be perceived as a by-product of giving and taking in one’s life (chapter 7).

1.2.3 Peace and security: obedience/disobedience

Every social system strives on obedience, which can be coaxed through conditioning. The strength of the conditioning systems emerges in each chapter. In each of the daily contexts we contribute to a complex web of norms and values (discourse), which in turn informs our notions of which things are ‘good’ or ‘evil’, as well as how things ought to be.

According to Kierkegaard life is the desperate journey of the self, constantly under pressure. This pressure, as I see it, is caused by the extremes. We are balancing Kierkegaard’s ‘what we should be’ and the reality of ‘what we are or do’. This sense of duty regarding how things should be, comes from our parents when we are children, from our education, the organisations we work for, the economy, the international world as well as religion. We are supposed to obediently follow systems that are already in place in those daily contexts.

Social influence is a powerful phenomenon, which may sway people to align themselves with the intentions of a group. Criminologist Smeulers, following Hannah Arendt’s perspectives, has shown that:

People can become (war)criminals because they: follow the group; think they are required to obey; do not wish to besmirch their superiors; admire their own sense of superiority; fear an enemy; fight for their own group/space; convince themselves that they are a cog in a larger machine; do not wish to be the exception; do not wish to be seen as weak; do not wish to fall outside of the established social circle; do not wish to be lonesome; do not wish to stand alone6.

Obedience, conformity, and loyalty can have different origins and underlying reasons. Smeulers’ point, in following Hannah Arendt’s lead, was that people do not want to disappoint nor be impolite. Therefore, individuals often follow to the group mentality, rather than their own voice. It is very difficult to break the chains of social conventions. We are inclined to follow a parent/elder, an authority figure, or a partner. We have been raised to be loyal. Perhaps this sense of loyalty is even genetically defined. Often, we want to keep others happy. This might leave us in a situation in which we have made it tougher for ourselves to follow our own voice. The situations and scenarios that arise in daily life are complex. Patterns of responsibility emerge such as marriage, studies, children, a job, a mortgage, or alimony. Usually these patterns arise or emerge, before we even realise that we have created them and set those boundaries for ourselves. The question becomes whether we can still create the freedom necessary to continue discovering and developing ourselves. We must not underestimate the force of conditioning, because it is this conditioning force that largely determines whether we follow and obey or not.

At the same time, I am also convinced that we must not underestimate the strength of courage. It takes courage to walk off the beaten path, to create space, to set boundaries and to act disobediently (every now and again). This is how we find ourselves balancing obedience and disobedience. We need to recognise our own feelings of resistance and of willing disobedience. One needs to be strong to revolt and to choose the unconventional. I realised that life is not really about good or evil, but more so about strong and weak. We are courageous to act against social influences. Sometimes there is no other course of action than being disobedient and revolting to follow one’s own voice. Ultimately, it is our own voice that leads us to discover what brings us (inner)peace, (self-)security, and dignity.

1.2.4 Learning: winning /losing

Winning often requires a lot of practice and losing often provides insightful lessons from which we can learn and grow. However, we would rather win than lose. Is that a genetic trait because we need to survive? Starting from a very early age we focus on winning:

Our four-year-old daughter and I decided to play a game of dice in which we received a point for rolling a six.

‘Ah’, I said when I rolled a six: ‘It is now 1–0.’

Our daughter looked a little despondent. By being down a point she was now losing. Striving for an equal outcome or even retribution, especially within a context of stakes (such as a game), sparks the need to develop a strategy. Her eyes wandered across the table and there were four dice that we were not using during the game. She checked each dice for a six, and surely enough, she found one.

‘I rolled that six earlier, before we started, but it still counts as rolling a six’, she said convincingly.

I thought she had made a fairly insightful observation and so I let her note down the score: 1–1. Her mood changed immediately. A draw means we are equal, balanced, and so it feels better than being on the losing side. However, that was just her temporary mood because we decided to continue playing.

This example shows how people can become inventive to avoid being on the losing side. However, wanting to win has repercussions because winning requires a loser. There are plenty of people who go through life with a feeling of inequality, or loss. They may feel like they are not getting what they deserve or should have received. Others really have lost something and need to process their loss to move forward. My point here is that we learn to balance winning and losing. It may be productive to let go of terms such as ‘win’ and ‘lose’, and instead adopt the term ‘learn’. Living a life viewed from the perspective of inequality or loss is not conducive to our wellbeing or a happy state of mind. Charting a new course and setting out to move forward is the only way to overcome loss. Be in charge and steer life in a new direction. Winning feels great, but losing provides more insight, granted we take the time to analyse and learn from our losses. Learning is based on experiences, which we carry with us on our journeys of discovery7.

1.2.5 (Re)Conciliation: love/fear

Essentially our entire operating system is based on love and fear. Love and fear make us lead or follow. Unconditional love is something that does not require balance. It does not fall under the ‘tit for tat’ aspects of life. Usually, parents love their children unconditionally. Religion also preaches a type of love that is unconditional and should be given whole heartedly. Fear exists in many different forms, for example as the fear of loss or losing. Fears can arise because of the experiences that we have lived through. Moments in which we were not treated right may leave a lasting mark. Or we fear disease, sickness, and insecurity/uncertainty. It is a challenge to approach unpleasant situations with benevolence, love, and with the intention to resolve these situations constructively.

Machiavelli (1532) had another perspective. In a BBC documentary8 his vision was to be ‘not loved but feared’. His point was that foxes should be felled with foxes, which, as I see it, refers to the fact that a force needs to be countered by another force. That is one of the reasons why military leaders like to refer to Machiavelli when it comes to retaliatory strikes in conflicts and war. Machiavelli was subject to the trauma of unjust imprisonment and violent treatment. Based on his experiences, he operationalised power as a suppressive force and advocated retaliation. Machiavelli’s focus was ‘the crushing of the enemy’, as maintained in the documentary. His approach was primarily based on fear, resentment, and retribution.

Mandela (2010), who was also unjustly imprisoned, had a different approach. He developed a strategy of ‘loving your enemy’ because together there is the possibility to work towards a constructive solution. (Re)conciliation is a priceless treasure. (Re)conciliation requires negotiation, balancing love and fear as well as give and take, and the ability to let go. Within negotiations the other party should not be perceived as the enemy but as a partner willing to find constructive solutions.

The focus should not be on power but on balancing fear and love. That means leading based on love rather than fear. We cannot own power because power only emerges in relationships. We should, therefore, embrace others instead of pushing them away and look for solutions and compromises together. But how do we do that? According to Rosenberg (2008) in The language of peace, the means are nonviolent communication in which feelings, needs, and requests are distinctly differentiated. Paying attention to one’s feelings allows one to utilize them to form needs, and based on those needs one can formulate requests. This happens in all relationships, including the relationship with ourselves/the self. We need to listen to ourselves and learn to love ourselves, which means learning to embrace our fears. Love for others is supporting them in finding the way to appreciate themselves. Learning to appreciate and love oneself is an important mission in life.

1.2.6 Sharing: equality/inequality

Sharing is mostly done to achieve a perspective (feeling) of fairness (honesty) or to strive for equality, continuously balancing between the extremes of equality and inequality. Children learn to share by not keeping the biggest piece for themselves and fairness by giving away that piece or by making sure all the pieces are the same size. Sharing values or tasks creates a sense of balance, and this requires us to lead and follow. The next example focuses on the productive and reproductive tasks in our households. Distributing the household tasks between men and women is a daily reoccurring ritual. To curb constant negotiations regarding the distribution of the tasks that need to be done patterns emerge. When those patterns have been in place for a long time, they become more difficult to change or replace. When household chores at home are not compensated, while work in the workplace is, situations of inequality may emerge. The Netherlands is a country that does not score well concerning equal pay, even though we are an emancipated people. Female professors still earn less than their male colleagues. ‘Women in all European Union member states still earn less per hour than their male counterparts. The gender pay gap in the EU was 14.1 percent in 2019, according to figures by European statistics agency Eurostat. In the Netherlands it was 14.6 percent, NOS reports’9. More negotiations are necessary to achieve equality by valuing equality and equal rights.

1.2.7 Contentment: content/discontent

The questions ‘What do we regret?’ and ‘What makes us happy?’ lead to very different answers. Because we cannot know with certainty when we will die, it is better to make sure that we are content. This implies that when we do pass, we will die content. We are more content if we follow our own voice and empower others. Contentment comes from being able to balance the extremes of content and discontent at any given moment. If we are unhappy about something, then we need to change it. And if we cannot change it, then why remain unhappy (Dalai Lama, 2016)? This means being flexible, adaptable, and being able to switch. In our lives we will come across plenty of larks (Frankl, 1978) and foxes (Machiavelli, 1532). Our goal in life is learning to hear and value the larks and to let the experiences with foxes go. We learn that life requires a tremendous amount of hard work to achieve contentment with ourselves. Epicurus (in Harari, 2016:37) defined being content (happy) as the most precious commodity, but he warned that it requires hard work.

1.2.8 Leadership: lead/follow

Above I gave examples of the extremes that are embedded in, or intrinsic to, treasures. The tension between extremes makes life challenging. Life is about learning to balance the extremes. This means leading and following one’s own voice and intuition. It is about personal leadership. We are at our own helms, and we can determine our own course. Do not give that up or let someone take it from you. Be courageous. Lead and follow, chart a course and steer in the intended direction. Doing this is what makes us authentic.

1.3 Adapting and being different: authenticity

In this section, I show how we make ourselves of value through discovering and developing our treasures. This is a process that makes each of us authentic. To achieve authenticity, we need to lead and follow and balance the extremes of our treasures. By acknowledging and valuing others, we contribute to their authenticity. Acquiring authenticity means discovering and developing our own voice or calling, also by daring to deviate from what ‘should’ be. This means having the courage to follow our intuition and empowering others to follow their voices by creating the necessary space. That will lead to something truly authentic, such as finding the divine in oneself and helping others to find their own divinity and power. And if our attempts fail, then being able to view a setback as an opportunity to learn from will ensure that the endeavour is still of value for making ourselves unique.

How unique is each bird and how do they distinguish themselves? They all have their own song. The yellowhammer sings Beethoven’s symphony and the Eurasian blue tit garbles something. The wren has an incredibly loud song considering its small stature. The robin is always the first to sing. The ranger of the Lorkenbos, a forest in the centre of the Netherlands, can recognise over eighty different types of birds that live in the forest by song alone. In total he can differentiate over three hundred birds by their call. He had the drive and the passion to learn differentiating birdsongs. Aged eleven, he joined birdwatching groups and started developing his skills. By following our own drive or calling, we can differentiate ourselves. We learn and become more authentic throughout life. We develop our own insights, wisdom, and authenticity by leading and following. We also learn to appreciate others and their similar or different perspectives. We need to learn to value ourselves because we are unique and authentic in the way that we discovered, developed, and utilised our own treasures. Distinguishing ourselves is a challenge that is entirely in our own hands. Maybe Kierkegaard’s ‘desperate search’ can be called ‘challenging search’. A positive challenge comes from knowing how things should be, but also having the courage to deviate from that (if necessary).

One of Heidegger’s (1927) points is that individuals become dehumanised by patterns, frameworks, and bureaucracies. The uniqueness or authenticity of an individual is at stake when the same rules and the same patterns are applied to all individuals. I also see that danger, but by being courageous we can change the patterns, choose not to follow them, or use them strategically. This is how we become authentic. However, we also reinforce and contribute to the creation of patterns, small or large, such as our norms and values (discourse). Each of us is at the core, in connection with authorities, partner(s), family and society. Each of us is in charge of discovering, developing, utilising, and valuing our own treasures. We establish and expand our own treasury and choose whether we lead or follow. That makes life a constant challenge and negotiation. If we really want to take things in a different direction, then we lead ourselves, which implies deviating and changing patterns. Allowing ‘what should be’ to determine our lives is a structuralist approach and, simultaneously, an approach in which we are the victim. Why should life be a desperate search like Kierkegaard believed. Of course, life is not always easy, and we always suffer in some way, but we can also create space and it is important to be conscious of that.

People are different. Everyone should be treated in a way that enhances their personal authenticity. How can we allow people to be unique? Marcus Buckingham (2005) suggested that it can be accomplished by asking questions. How painstakingly simple can it be? Simply, ask. Yet, for many ‘asking’ is not simple at all. We can connect to and strengthen everyone’s authenticity by asking them what they desire. Authenticity, however, is our own responsibility. In places of work, managers need to stimulate employees to discover, develop, and utilise their treasures, which, in turn, can be recognised and valued. I see recognition and valuing as the cornerstones of authenticity.

There are benevolent and malign voices in our minds, and we learn to balance them. They can be offset by taking the lead and valuing ourselves. It is a struggle to have the malign voices drown out the benevolent or constructive ones. The challenge is to recognise the constructive and destructive voices and to balance them through valuing. Our brain often puts us on the wrong track. It usually takes the easiest, most convenient route (Dijksterhuis, 2007). The following example highlights this:

Before I put our daughter down for her afternoon nap, I noticed that her diaper was already quite full. I waved it away, thinking she will only be asleep for a short while. When she woke up after three hours, she was completely drenched. Her trousers, her shirt, but also the mattress in the crib. Cleaning cost me more time and energy, then it would have, had I followed my intuition and listened to my constructive voice that told me to change her diaper before she went to sleep.

Acting intuitively is listening to our own voice and following it. It is actively taking the lead, even under dire circumstances. In Hungary/Romania the communist regime wanted to abolish the aristocracy (Scholten, 2011). Naturally, the aristocracy had a purpose and function, especially when there was still a king. Aristocrats shared their views on the king’s policies, and they took charge of their allotted territories. However, a dictator is not interested in sharing power or depending on aristocrats. Instead, he pursues a unilateral rule, which was why those of noble standing were imprisoned or deported to forced labour camps. Their estates were divided, and their property was destroyed. This also applied to their most magnificent libraries, which contained rare collections that were burned during book burnings.