A Better Encouragement E-Book

Lindsey Carlson

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

Drop the Self-Help and Look to God Who Speaks a Better Word Women thrive on encouragement, connection, and support. And yet, this desire leads many to be culturally catechized by a multibillion dollar self-help industry. Because foolish motivational messages flow freely from the world like a dripping faucet and are repeated by the person in the mirror, women remain discouraged, disconnected, and alone. If women believe happiness and success are their responsibility, they will assume discouragement must be too.  Women need better news. In this hope-filled ebook, Lindsey Carlson leads weak and weary women to the well to find better refreshment in the living water of Christ, who speaks a better word of encouragement than the world. As women are connected to God's promises and God's people, they will be better encouraged to endure with their hope fixed on Christ. - Hope for Women Bruised by Self-Help: Written for discouraged Christian women who need better encouragement they can't provide themselves, but who are hesitant to trust good encouragement exists  - Practical and Approachable: Offers relatable stories and counsel to teach women how to biblically discern truth from worldly philosophy in messages of encouragement and to provide confident assurance in God's promises of power, strength, comfort, and hope - For the Building Up of the Church: Challenges Christians to become better encouragers within their family, the local church, and their communities - Published in Partnership with the Gospel Coalition

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“Our world is a mixed bag when it comes to encouragement. Often, words meant to inspire overwhelm us with burdensome demands: be better, work harder, do more. We need a better encouragement. Thankfully, Lindsey Carlson’s book offers the remedy we need by speaking life-giving truths from God’s word to God’s people.”

Melissa B. Kruger, Director of Women’s Content, The Gospel Coalition; author, Growing Together

“We live in a paradoxical time: it seems women are more discouraged than ever, but at the same time, peppy self-help talk abounds, printed on every throw pillow and journal cover in the home decor section. Our steady diet of ‘you’ve got this’ does not actually fill us up. In A Better Encouragement, Lindsey Carlson shows us how we were made to find hope, comfort, and strength in the much deeper and richer promises of God. This book offers a timeless truth especially poignant for this cultural moment: the deepest need of discouraged women is not self-confidence but the confident assurance of our identity in Christ. I commend this book to any weary woman and all her friends.”

Jen Oshman, author, Enough about Me and Cultural Counterfeits

“‘I’m so discouraged’ is a sentence that comes out of my mouth more often than I would like. And, as a pastor’s wife, it’s one I also hear frequently—Christian women everywhere, weighed down by the trials of life, are struggling to take heart. Thankfully, in this book, Lindsey Carlson establishes weak hearts by pointing us to the source of true courage: God himself. With clarity, biblical depth, and a refreshing sprinkle of wry humor, A Better Encouragement reveals our God to be the hope, comfort, and strength we desperately need. Whether you are enduring a day or a decade of faint-hearted weariness, I’d encourage you to find help in these pages.”

Megan Hill, author, Praying Together and A Place to Belong; Managing Editor, The Gospel Coalition

“Lindsey Carlson gives us a compelling biblical vision for the encouragement we long for and offer to others. Ultimately the courage, confidence, and hope that we all desperately need won’t be found in the self-help aisle but in God himself. A Better Encouragement rebooted a passion in me to be a better encourager.”

Kathy Litton, Director of Planter Spouse Development, North American Mission Board

A Better Encouragement

A Better Encouragement

Trading Self-Help for True Hope

Lindsey Carlson

A Better Encouragement: Trading Self-Help for True Hope

Copyright © 2022 by Lindsey Carlson

Published by Crossway 1300 Crescent Street Wheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law. Crossway® is a registered trademark in the United States of America.

Cover design: Crystal Courtney

First printing 2022

Printed in the United States of America

All Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added by the author.

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-7771-0ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-7774-1PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-7772-7Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-7773-4

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Carlson, Lindsey, 1982- author.

Title: A better encouragement : trading self-help for true hope / Lindsey Carlson. 

Description: Wheaton, Illinois : Crossway, 2022. | Includes bibliographical references and index. 

Identifiers: LCCN 2021049792 (print) | LCCN 2021049793 (ebook) | ISBN 9781433578038 (paperback) | ISBN 9781433578045 (pdf) | ISBN 9781433578052 (mobipocket) | ISBN 9781433578069 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Christian women–Religious life. | Encouragement–Religious aspects–Christianity. 

Classification: LCC BV4527 .C275 2022 (print) | LCC BV4527 (ebook) | DDC 248.8/43–dc23/eng/20211118

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021049792

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021049793

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

2022-04-12 09:19:51 AM

To the women of

Imprint Community Church

I praise God for your friendship and encouragement. Thank you for walking beside me as I’ve learned to love and value biblical encouragement within the local church.

May grace and peace be multiplied to you.

Contents

Introduction

1  The Reason for Encouragement

2  The God of Encouragement

3  The Substance of Encouragement

4  The Power of Encouragement

5  The Strength of Encouragement

6  The Comfort of Encouragement

7  The Hope of Encouragement

8  The Unity of Encouragement

A Note on Building a Culture of Encouragement in Your Church

A Note on Depression and Mental Illness

Encouraging Scriptures to Memorize

Acknowledgments

General Index

Scripture Index

Introduction

Do you appreciate encouragement? I do. In fact, I could always use a little more. I love opening my mailbox to find an encouraging note inside. I enjoy a nod of affirmation when I’ve worked hard on a project or my prayers or counsel help someone. And when trials come and life isn’t easy, it’s nice when a thoughtful friend stops by with flowers. I’ve always appreciated receiving encouragement.

But encouragement is utilized and enjoyed by people everywhere, not just inside the church and not only by those who follow Jesus. Culturally, we’re all taught very early in life to expect positive affirmation and use reward-based motivation. We all like it and we all use it.

We learn the powerful sway of encouragement from our very first days on earth. Parents clap when their baby takes her first steps or says his first words. Teachers punctuate their students’ schoolwork with stickers and gold stars in order to affirm a job well done or praise extra effort. Encouragement strengthens children for growth and maturity. At every age and stage, we’ve learned to appreciate encouragement because of its ability to advance us forward in everything from being on time, to eating healthy, to getting a good night’s sleep, and onto the tougher, more difficult challenges.

Encouragement has the potential to deliver an enormous measure of love and support when we are struggling. We appreciate the assurance that someone notices our difficulty or our success and cares enough to say something. Encouragement reminds us that we are seen, known, and loved. When we’re down, encouragement feels like good medicine. It affirms our gifts and abilities and keeps us focused and committed to our daily work. And when our work is finished, who doesn’t appreciate a final pat on the back?

With how much we all tend to like and appreciate encouragement, you’d think that we would all have naturally become expert encouragers who freely provide encouragement to others. We certainly have plenty of opportunities each day to see people, just like us, who want encouragement like us, and to do unto others as we’d have them do unto us. So why don’t we speak up? Why aren’t we all walking, talking, ever-flowing fountains of encouragement? When we see the kindness of the grocery store clerk or the patience of the teenager’s AP calculus teacher or the generosity of a friend who took the time to listen, why don’t we say something encouraging?

In twenty years of women’s ministry, not one woman has ever confessed to me that she simply had too much encouragement in her life. Quite the opposite is true. I frequently hear Christian women lamenting a lack of encouragement. Yet, encouragement is a tool often utilized by God throughout the Old and New Testaments to strengthen and exhort his people for the difficult road ahead. When we look today at the scores of underencouraged women in our churches, we must consider whether or not we are personally prepared to encourage one another (1 Thess. 4:18) as members within the larger body of Christ.

If we desire more encouragement—or better encouragement—we should assume others probably do too. But when we aren’t accustomed to regularly feeling encouraged or trusting that encouragement is readily available when we need it, we get tired of waiting and give up on looking for it. The more desirous we become as we wait for a kind word or a hint of support, the more we worry that no one wants to help. Like David in Psalm 142:4, we may look around and think: “There is none who takes notice of me; no encouragement remains for me! No one cares for my soul.” But for Christians, this simply isn’t true; those who fear the Lord have no lack (Ps. 34:9).

I began studying the subject of encouragement in Scripture because I recognized what appeared to be an existing need within the church. Everywhere I went, in big churches and small ones, women craved encouragement. And yet, even among Christians I spoke to, there seemed to be a gap between the personal desire for better encouragement and the practical know-how. Many of us aren’t sure how to effectively encourage one another, partly because we can’t define it. If we can’t define encouragement, we can’t adequately provide it. And when we are not skilled encouragers, we will unintentionally withhold the good gift of encouragement from others within our local church. But when Christians learn to generously provide encouragement that honors Christ, God strengthens his people and his church simultaneously.

Better encouragement exists. This book aims to help you find it by providing scriptures, cultural observations, and diagnostic questions to assist you as you seek to grow in wisdom and discernment. A Better Encouragement: Trading Self-Help for True Hope is organized into nine chapters. In each chapter, we will examine the desires and longings that are intended to drive Christians to God’s encouragement and how the self-help industry has filled our hearts and minds with lesser substitutes. Then, we will look at how God hears the cries of his people, provides better promises, and meets real needs with his encouragement. 

In chapter 1, we’ll further examine the need for encouragement and establish a working definition of “better encouragement.” In chapters 2 through 4 we will observe how an overemphasis on self-esteem, self-sufficiency, and self-empowerment have prevented us from relying on the God of encouragement (chapter 2) to provide the substance of encouragement (chapter 3) in order that we might depend on the power of encouragement (chapter 4). In chapters 5 through 7 we will see how the encouragement of strength (chapter 5), encouragement of comfort (chapter 6), and encouragement of hope (chapter 7) offer a better message than that preached by the self-help industry. Finally, in chapter 8 we will observe how God simultaneously encourages his people and builds his church through the unity of encouragement.

Sister, I commend you to the merciful riches of Christ, who has secured a better encouragement for you than anything this world has to offer.

1

The Reason for Encouragement

“Do you feel encouraged?”

My friend’s cheerful question hung unanswered in the air over our empty latte mugs. I grasped aimlessly for a socially appropriate answer to avoid the truth. “Encouraged?” I repeated the word in the form of a question. Had I heard her correctly? I tried not to appear caught off guard by her inquiry, but I wondered if she’d even been listening over the past hour as I’d recounted the highlights of my tumultuous year. 

I thought about how much my life had been turned upside down since we’d last seen one another. Our family had moved across the country from Texas to Maryland in order to plant a church in a state where we knew almost no one. Leaving the only state I’d ever lived in and living far away from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends felt painful and lonely. A month after our move, God surprised us with the news of baby number five. In a season where I already felt exiled, rootless, foreign, and alone, I’d also faced another difficult pregnancy, a stint of bed rest, and then another round of postpartum depression. To say I was encouraged was a stretch.

Of course, that morning in the coffee shop, I conveyed only the high points and the signs of God’s blessing. I wanted my heart to be content and rejoice in all things, so I worked to maintain that image in our conversation. When my life didn’t fit the glowing narrative of exemplary faith, I simply skipped over reporting the signs of trouble or my existing fears as though they didn’t exist. But as I edited integral portions of the story, I painted an overly rosy picture of our reality. I smoothed out the rough edges of a year where I’d felt smothered by the weight of discouragement. My hope hadn’t just been deferred, it had dried up. The cares of my heart were many. 

Puritan pastor and author Richard Sibbes explains, “the sighs of a bruised heart carry in them a report, both of our affection to Christ, and of his care for us.”1 I wasn’t eager to hit publish on such a grim report but I also didn’t know how to positively spin the news of my spiritual discouragement. My friend repeated her question: “Do you feel encouraged?”

If I was being honest I would have said, “No, not really. I’m actually pretty discouraged. Here’s how you can pray for me.” But I didn’t. Instead, I simply nodded and smiled, even though I was discouraged and my heart was filled with lament. If I had provided my friend with a more honest report, it would have sounded like the weary confession of Jeremiah in Lamentations 3:17–18: “My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, ‘My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord.’”

Defining Discouragement

You may be wondering why I would begin a book on encouragement with a chapter on discouragement. I admit, it’s kind of a Debbie Downer move. But don’t worry, this is a book about encouragement. Yet, before we are able to discuss encouragement, we must be prepared to recognize the precipitating need that exists inside each and every one of us and leads us all to desire encouragement: discouragement. We are a people who grow weary and are easily discouraged by trials and difficulty. 

In Deuteronomy 1:21, the Lord instructs Moses to command his people to go in and establish the land that he has given them, saying, “Go up, take possession, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has told you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” We are familiar with fear, but what about dismay? The original Hebrew word is hatat, which means to be prostrated, broken down, or discouraged. Whether literally broken down by violence or figuratively by confusion and fear,2 to be hatat is to be deprived of courage or confidence, hindered by disfavor, or dissuaded from doing something.3 When we are discouraged, our spirit is broken down.

In the Old Testament, the Israelite people provide a vivid picture of aimless, wandering discouragement. Even after God delivered his people from Egypt, provided food and water in the desert, and made promises assuring Israel of their certain victory over the land and their enemies, Israel still managed to struggle with dismay. They were too easily discouraged and doubtful of God’s promises and goodness. All the wandering and heat had beaten them down, hindered them with the fear of God’s disfavor, and robbed them of courage to continue on. But although we tend to interpret their discouragement as glaring faithlessness, God didn’t write them off. He implored them not to fear or be discouraged. He provided good words of counsel to his people because he saw their weariness and anticipated the costliness of discouragement.

You may have picked up this book because you are currently in a season of discouragement. Or, maybe you’re not. Whether today, tomorrow, or next year, you will face discouragement at some point. It might be minor or major; it may begin in your home, your job, your relationships, or your church community. Wherever you are, no matter your age, stage, or spiritual maturity, opportunities for discouragement abound over the course of life. Here’s why: (1) you are a weak and broken sinner, (2) you are pursued by an enemy, and (3) you live in a broken world filled with sin and suffering. Discouragement is a reality for us all because we are not the Lord, who “does not faint or grow weary” (Isa. 40:28). But God, the Creator of the ends of the earth, is prepared for your weariness. 

Encouragement isn’t just a likable concept; it’s a resource and a learnable skill that, for Christians, is worthy of pursuit. When your heart has been prostrated and broken down, you need solutions and strategies that will help you in the moment and heal and strengthen you for the days ahead. When you don’t hold editorial privilege over every aspect of your life and story, God encourages you to look for his unfolding grace. He masterfully authors every detail of your life for your good. He kindly reveals himself in the midst of human weakness in order to strengthen and encourage those who love him. God promises and provides the good encouragement his people need to endure.

Discouragement tempts us to abandon the good work set before us or give up too soon when life gets hard or when hope seems dim. As a child, Thomas Edison’s teacher believed that the man who we now know as America’s greatest inventor was too stupid to learn anything. One of Walt Disney’s editors reportedly said that Disney “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”4 Think of how these discouraging sentiments could have significantly stifled the brilliance and creativity of two vital contributors to our society. Instead, they endured scrutiny and negative feedback, and the light of truth and beauty prevailed. Edison and Disney didn’t believe their bad press; they continued to think, create, and labor, and eventually the work of their hands spoke for itself. God created each of his children to labor faithfully and fruitfully in his kingdom. He has given you gifts and strengths that he intends to use within the story he’s written; your life is filled with worth and value that displays the goodness of God in unique ways. You can’t give up every time you grow weary of doing good. You are called to faithfully endure seasons of discouragement, trusting that God is at work in you as you labor joyfully within his kingdom. 

Imagine how different the church would be today if Noah, Moses, Joshua, John the Baptist, or any of the disciples or early church members had surrendered to their discouragement and given up on serving and obeying God or carrying forth the gospel message. Because God encouraged them along the way, his church has been sustained throughout the years. God encourages and sustains his people too.

Why Do Believers Need a Book on Better Encouragement?

Early on in the process of writing this book, an older believer asked me if Christians really needed to be taught and exhorted on the subject of biblical encouragement. She was unconvinced. Did Christian women doubt their need for help? Did they struggle to find encouragement from God or from one another? Did they actually misunderstand biblical encouragement?

In my experience, yes, yes, and yes. I’ve spent almost twenty years as a pastor’s wife, loving and serving discouraged Christian women inside various local churches, and yes—many Christian women are unaware of their own discouragement. Yes, many Christian women struggle to find the encouragement they long for. And yes, many discouraged Christian women are unsure of how and where to begin their search for encouragement. I have also been one of these discouraged and fruitlessly searching women. 

Many of the discouraged women who I’ve been privileged to know and encourage both love and follow Jesus. And yet, even though they are born-again believers, they struggle to apply the hope of the cross to the weariness of their soul. When they face discouragement, they are often too worried that their trial will be scrutinized, their theology corrected, or their weakness exploited to come and admit their need for encouragement. This needs to change.

Sisters, before we can find better encouragement or become better encouragers, we must understand our basic need of encouragement. We need encouragement because we are easily discouraged. Each one of us. We are tempted to grow weary of doing good and to give up too soon. When we are bruised and broken, we must often be convinced to get up one more time and to strengthen our weak muscles and make straight paths for our feet. I pray this book convinces you to get up and keep going by helping you to find better encouragement.

When you face new or ongoing discouragement, still marked and scarred by old wounds, you may be tempted to take your unmet needs away from God, the church, and other Christians. You may have been hurt or disappointed by discouragement in your past and falsely blamed God or his people for not hearing or answering your cries in the ways that you’d hoped. But stepping away from the Lord’s provision, the fellowship of your local church, or the presence of spiritually mature believers who love you will surely end in greater heartache and trouble. In making the choice to step away from God, his word, his people, the weekly worship gathering, or the divine sacraments Christ provided as a means of common grace, you choose to depart from the path God designed to lead you to encouragement.

Today it seems as though we need permission to feel discouraged and to trust God to provide exactly what we need. Consider the condition of Elijah in 1 Kings 19:4–8 when he fled to the wilderness to preserve his life, took shelter under the broom tree, and begged in his discouragement for God to take his life because his suffering was too much. While the Lord didn’t take Elijah’s suggested course of action, he did refresh Elijah’s weariness of soul. When Elijah felt unable to press on, God provided a physical place for him to rest and sleep. He sent an angel to counsel him. He gave him a cake to eat and a jar of water for him to drink. Only then did God instruct Elijah to arise and go in strength. 

Christians need a book on better encouragement because we are weary and tired of hanging on to hope. We need to be refreshed by being reminded of how to meet our basic needs for encouragement. We need discipleship and accountability and a chance to practice better encouragement inside our relationships and our local church. But before we can begin, we must start with the work required within our own heart. So before we go any further, let me ask you the question my friend asked me: Are you encouraged?

Why Are You Downcast?

Where are the signs of discouragement in your own life? Where has life left you prostrated or broken down? How are you tempted to give up too quickly? We are often uncomfortable with considering or questioning the longings of our soul when we need not be. The psalmist specifically inquires of his own heart, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?” (Ps. 43:5).

When you are frustrated, disappointed, or discouraged, do you allow yourself the freedom and the space to consider the state of your spirit and confess any areas of festering discouragement to God? Or do you regard discouragement as something to be ashamed of or that needs to be kept hidden? Take note of how you tend to approach your own discouragement. Some of us overlook it. Some hide it. Some notice but attempt to ignore it. And some of us become overly concerned with its presence and try to manage or fix it on our own. None of these approaches are the healthiest way of addressing existing needs—because they all seek a remedy apart from God. 

In Psalm 142, when David is frustrated, overwhelmed, and discouraged after fleeing from King Saul, he laments that his good friend has now become his vindictive enemy. And he does so by turning to God in the midst of his desperation. He cries, “In the path where I walk they have hidden a trap for me. Look to the right and see: there is none who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for my soul” (Ps. 142:3–4). David feels afraid, alone, and utterly hopeless in his discouragement. When we are discouraged, are we willing to confess every part of the story to God, even if it’s uncomfortable or embarrassing?

We can’t expect that identifying or confessing discouragement will immediately rectify the pain. Our desire to escape heartache and discomfort is understandable. But it is stubborn and idealistic for Christians to cling to the belief that they can work around or escape suffering. This is a troubling trend that concerns Christian author Joni Eareckson Tada. She explains, “It’s a different era now. Many young people I know . . . [believe suffering] should be mitigated at all costs. And if it cannot be avoided, it must be drugged, divorced, escaped from, or prayed away.”5

Eareckson Tada was permanently paralyzed in a diving accident at the age of seventeen and has spent her life confined to a wheelchair. By God’s strength, she has taught his word, spoken at conferences across the world, written books (she’s published over forty-eight!), and carried the good news of the gospel to the disabled community for over forty years.6 Instead of succumbing to a life of passivity, watching Netflix on the couch, Joni fixed her eyes on Jesus. When she couldn’t walk away from suffering, she found herself being carried by Christ. Her endurance, kingdom-minded labor, and joy are all spiritual fruit. When we don’t have the choice to sidestep pain, suffering, or discouragement, we can always trust that God is in the process of writing a beautiful story of redemption.

On the fiftieth anniversary of her accident and paralysis, Eareckson Tada reflected on the Lord’s mercy:

Decades of study, paralysis, pain, and cancer have taught me to say, “It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees” (Ps. 119:71). I won’t rehearse all of suffering’s benefits here. . . . The process is difficult, but affliction isn’t a killjoy; I don’t think you could find a happier follower of Jesus than me. . . . God shares his joy on his terms only, and those terms call for us to suffer, in some measure, like his Son. I’ll gladly take it.7

As God allowed Joni Eareckson Tada periods of discouragement—crushing and pressing her in painful, extraordinary trials—he refined and purified her, filled her life with good fruit, and made her heart overflow with true and lasting joy in Christ.

Read the Good Report

In Numbers 13, the weary Israelites are wandering in the wilderness, grumbling and complaining to Moses who is probably getting discouraged from listening to them, when God seeks to provide everyone with a bit of encouragement. He calls Moses to commission the twelve heads of the tribes of Israel to go into the land as reconnaissance spies and gather intelligence. The twelve spies are tasked with taking note of what they find and then bringing back a report. 

Scripture notes that the men go out during the “season of the first ripe grapes,” the beginning of the fruit-bearing season (Num. 13:20). If the men gathered any fruit on this expedition, they could expect an even bigger harvest months later once they moved in and all the trees were in full production. As Moses sends the men off, he exhorts them to “be of good courage and bring some of the fruit of the land” (Num. 13:20) because he knows that presence of fruit should be a morale booster for everyone.