About Harsh Dogs and Grumpy Hedgehogs E-Book

Nello Gaspardo

• Herausgeber: UVK
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 184

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

Every person is unique! That is unquestionable. Nevertheless, you will find recurring character traits in your colleagues or neighbours that you have to deal with in your job and in everyday life. Just think of the tough dog from the executive floor, the clever fox from the controlling department or the grumpy hedgehog from the facility management. In this second, expanded edition, communications and negotiation expert Nello Gaspardo sketches nine different types by using animal metaphors. He points out their strengths and weaknesses and tells you exactly what you need to know when dealing with these people and how to interact with them correctly. The book is an indispensable guide for all those who want to achieve their goals quickly, both at work and in everyday life, by effectively working with other people.

Leseprobe

Nello Gaspardo studied agricultural economics at the Technical University of Munich, worked as a freelancer in the field of communication and negotiation techniques and wrote his dissertation at the Faculty of Political Science and Philosophy at the Philipps University of Marburg. For 23 years he was Professor of Rhetoric, International Negotiation and Leadership at the ESB Business School, Department of International Management for MBA Program, Reutlingen University.

He is active worldwide as a consultant and seminar leader in the areas of verbal and nonverbal communication, international negotiation, leadership and conflict management for several internationally operating organizations and companies.

Nello Gaspardo

About Harsh Dogs and Grumpy Hedgehogs

The correct way to deal with people at work and in everyday life

Please join the author on YouTube!You only need to enter Nello Gaspardo in the search field!

Umschlagabbildung und Illustrationen: © Die Illustrationsagentur, Will Piktogramme: © appleuzr (Seite 4), © DivVector (Seite 20), iStockphoto

Bibliografische Information der Deutschen Nationalbibliothek

Die Deutsche Nationalbibliothek verzeichnet diese Publikation in der Deutschen Nationalbibliografie; detaillierte bibliografische Daten sind im Internet über http://dnb.ddb.de abrufbar.

1. Auflage 2020

© UVK Verlag 2020

– ein Unternehmen der Narr Francke Attempto Verlag GmbH + Co. KG Dischingerweg 5 · D-72070 Tübingen

Das Werk einschließlich aller seiner Teile ist urheberrechtlich geschützt. Jede Verwertung außerhalb der engen Grenzen des Urheberrechtsgesetzes ist ohne Zustimmung des Verlags unzulässig und strafbar. Das gilt insbesondere für Vervielfältigungen, Übersetzungen, Mikroverfilmungen und die Einspeicherung und Verarbeitung in elektronischen Systemen.

Internet: www.narr.de

eMail: [email protected]

CPI books GmbH, Leck

ISBN 978-3-7398-3096-4 (Print)

ISBN 978-3-7398-8096-9 (ePDF)

ISBN 978-3-7398-0097-4 (ePub)

“It’s not about seeing something new; it’s about thinking something new with what you see”

Arthur Schopenhauer

for my wife and my daughter

Dear reader!

Privately and especially professionally, you are confronted with different types of people on various occasions. You have probably noticed that the personality of your counterparts appears even more pronounced in a stressful situation. While you have no difficulty in communicating with some of the other’s idiosyncrasies, other character traits are more or less challenging for you. If these, from your point of view, difficult contact persons are important for you in your professional life, an optimization of interpersonal communication is necessary.

Because people are fundamentally different, the application of an approach that is appropriate for a particular person and situation is consequently recommended. Moreover, an empathy-based approach is a useful tool for a good interpersonal relationship.

This reading should give you practical tools that you can use when dealing with different types of people in various situations, with the aim of optimizing the communicative relationship with these conversation partners. Because the description of different character traits is somewhat abstract, nine known animals that metaphorically represent certain types of human individuals are presented and treated in detail. Generally, images often help to better understand and memorize the given content. The animal comparison will therefore only be used metaphorically as it only serves to illustrate the presented ideas.

As you read, you will wonder what kind of animal you are. However, it is even more important to know which animal type or animal types represent the biggest challenges (issues) for you in a given context. In the book, you will find precious and practical tips for optimizing communication and collaboration, especially with demanding people.

The book should not be a scientific essay, but a useful reading for everyone. It was designed for readers who are interested in good interpersonal communication, especially in professional life.

I wish you a lot of fun with the reading!

Your Nello Gaspardo

The following animal types are referred to in this book as female or male respectively. The opposite gender of course is also addressed in each type, even if not mentioned explicitly.

Contents

Dear reader!

The idea

Why such a title?

Goals and methods

Source analysis and positioning

Daily, spontaneous interpersonal communication

Why animal metaphors?

The predominant characteristics of animal types at a glance

Different types of people

Type of person »dog« – impulsive worker

What you should know about dogs!

Body language of the dog

Masculine vs. feminine behaviour

Dealing with dogs

You should pay attention to dogs!

Type of person »horse« – prudent thinker

What you should know about horses!

Body language of the horse

Masculine vs. feminine behaviour

Dealing with horses

You should pay attention to horses!

Type of person »monkey« – fidgety source of ideas

What you should know about monkeys!

Body language of the monkey

Masculine vs. feminine behaviour

Dealing with monkeys

You should pay attention to monkeys!

Type of person »bigmouth frog« – the talkative buddy type

What you should know about frogs!

Body language of the frog

Masculine vs. feminine behaviour

Dealing with frogs

Excursus 1 | Dealing with the combination frog-monkey

Excursus 2 | The talkative monkey-frog at a doctor’s visit

You should pay attention to frogs!

Type of Person »lamb« – shy teamplayer

What you should know about lambs!

Body language of the lamb

Masculine vs. feminine behaviour

Dealing with lambs

Dealing with two different types of people (lamb and dog)

Excursus 3 | Possible course of a business negotiation between real estate agent, lamb and dog

You should pay attention to lambs!

Type of person »hedgehog« – grumpy performer

What you should know about hedgehogs!

Body language of the hedgehog

Masculine vs. feminine behaviour

Dealing with hedgehogs

Excursus 4 | Two hedgehogs as leaders

You should pay attention to hedgehogs!

Type of Person »hippopotamus« – slow duty performer

What you should know about hippopotamuses!

Body language of the hippopotamus

Masculine vs. feminine behaviour

Dealing with the hippopotamus

Excursus 5 | Giving a presentation in front of tired spectators (hippos)

You should pay attention to hippopotamus!

Type of person »giraffe« – diva-like competence carrier

What you should know about giraffes!

Body language of the giraffe

Masculine vs. feminine behaviour

Dealing with giraffes

Excursus 6 | Vertical Communication and Cooperation in a Clinic

You should pay attention to giraffes!

Type of person »fox« – clever strategist

What you should know about foxes!

The body language of the fox

Male vs. female behavior

Dealing with foxes

Dealing with the human type combination fox-dog

Excursus 7 | A professor with fox-dog qualities tries to deal with his students (vertical communication)

Excursus 8 | A professor with fox-dog qualities tries to deal with his colleagues (horizontal communication)

Dealing with the combination dog-fox

Dealing with the combination dog-fox-giraffe

You should pay attention to foxes!

Conclusion

Remarks

Bibliography

The idea

The idea of writing a book on the subject of dealing with different types of people was basically brought to me by the many listeners who participated in my lectures, workshops, presentations and seminars. The content of these events met with a lot of interest: My listeners not only wanted (and still want) the presence of a speaker, but also a reference work with valuable and practical tips for dealing with different types of people in various situations of professional life. Thus, I decided to design it for a broader audience without wanting to make a scientific claim.

During my professional career as a professor and seminar leader for communication, international negotiation, body language, conflict management and leadership, I have been intensively involved in interpersonal communication for years – both scientifically and practically. This allows me to compose a reading that relies on scientific-empirical knowledge as well as on experiences of everyday life. The case studies and application-oriented tips are the result of 40 years of international teaching at various universities and companies.

Why such a title?

The word dealing implies a relationship and some personal connection with a person, in which the context plays a central role. A conversation on a specific topic can have different connotations, depending with whom (person) and in which situation it is conducted.

Dealing with people requires the development of interpersonal communication. In communication science, the term communicare (to communicate, to share, to participate), which is derived from Latin, is defined as the exchange of messages or information between people. The verbal, so the spoken language, the nonverbal language – i.e. the body language, facial expressions, gestures, eye contact and spatial distance – and the voice (paraverbal) are used as information channels.

Facts | Paraverbal communication

Paraverbal communication refers to messages that are heard. Example: The inflection, pacing, pitch, and tone of speech; the emphasis one places on particular words, phrases, or pauses while speaking.

This book is focused on HOW an interpersonal communication and relationship take place, under consideration of the participating types of individuals, their intentions, and the given context.

Goals and methods

The main objective of this book is to optimize interpersonal communication, collaboration, and the management of employees within an organization as well as the negotiation with individuals outside the company, for example customers. The main goal is to improve the communication skills of the sender and receiver regarding cooperation, leadership and negotiation: this will be achieved by the targeted observation of nonverbal elements, by active listening, by conscious perception of the personality of the other person and finally by the use of adequate means of communication depending on a specific corporate context.

Source analysis and positioning

A thorough analysis of various sources in the fields of verbal and nonverbal communication, leadership and negotiation was carried out by the author. Scientific-empirical research and profound personal experiences in this field are also a major element of this reading.

Communication scientist Paul Watzlawick expands the interpersonal communication process. With his five axioms1, which include both the content and the relationship aspect, he delivers communication-specific instruments. The psychologist and communication scientist Friedemann Schulz von Thun2 further elaborates on Watzlawick’s interpersonal communication process. With his four-page model (also known as the four-ears model), he describes the importance of interpersonal relationships for the mutual understanding between people involved in a conversation.

Active listening, the conscious use of empathy3 and considering the given situation are the prerequisites for a good and goal-oriented conversation. This book describes how to communicate and collaborate with people who cannot or do not want to listen.

Pantomime and body language expert Samy Molcho4, scientists Desmond Morris5 and Michael Argyle6 also explore the importance of nonverbal elements. The quintessence of body language is primarily to consciously perceive nonverbal signals of the sender, i.e. facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, and posture, and to interpret these signals in various situations in face-to-face communications.

Good observation of and active listening to the conversation partner are two essential components of interpersonal communication. Both the nonverbal and the paraverbal language are described in detail in this reading as adequate tools for establishing an empathetic relationship.

A third component of the communication process is the context, i.e. where and with what intentions the sender and receiver meet, because the interpretation of the transmitted visual and auditory signals depends on the specific situation. A presentation (monologue) followed by a discussion in front of friends is quite different than in front of colleagues, clients, or bosses. A business negotiation with a satisfied customer is by no means the same as with a dissatisfied client. A conversation between a supervisor and a subordinate is obviously more difficult than between cheerful and relaxed colleagues.

The area Leadership is covered, inter alia, by two American writers: psychologist Daniel Goleman7 deals extensively with people’s emotions, and scientist Stephen R. Covey8 describes some interesting leadership styles. These and other works from this field focus on leadership rather than on the personalities of the people involved. Only Goleman describes human emotions in more detail.

This book explains how to optimize the relationship between supervisors and subordinates with different personalities- from the point of view of the dependent employee – by giving practical tips and helpful examples.

The Canadian author Patricia Pitcher describes in her book “The Leadership Drama”9 three types of leaders: artists, craftsmen, and technocrats. The book contains the authentic example of how the “technocrats destroyed what the artists had created and protected the artisans.” In her work, she explores the qualities of executives who either need to be brilliant visionaries or empowered to get employees to do their best.

In Pitcher’s work, only the figure of the artisan is similar to the type of individuals to which the metaphor of the horse is assigned to in our discussion. Her dissertation is focused on the empathetic abilities of a leader in managing three types of people.

This book does not deal with three, but nine main types of people and their relationships on three different levels: horizontal, vertical, negotiation.

There is a number of interesting textbooks dealing with negotiation techniques. For example, by Willem F. G. Mastenbroek10 lecturer in Corporate Culture and Communication, and by Harvard scientists R. Fisher, W. Ury, and B. Patton11. In addition to the classic negotiating instruments, the authors focus on a specific situation, however, they neglect to analyze the personalities of the opponents.

The area of negotiation – i.e. the relationship between in-house and external people, primarily customers – will not be described here. Instead of analyzing classic negotiation tactics, techniques and procedures, the focus will rather be on the different characteristics of a contact person in a particular business context.

The publication combines these communication components, which have not yet been dealt with in this form in academic and popular literature. Authors and their works are mentioned, but not quoted verbatim.

Daily, spontaneous interpersonal communication

In everyday life, the people involved in a interaction process more or less consciously apply all the communication tools described. The more harmonious and clear the exchange of views, the more relaxed and open is the exchange of information, impressions and personal interpretations of things. Sender and receiver are honest in this specific case and show good mutual trust. The nonverbal, paraverbal, and verbal tools are congruent. They are not subject to any special observation. Speakers and listeners act naturally and spontaneously. They are in perfect harmony with each other. According to Schulz von Thun both opponents use the same ear.

However, when content or relationship-related disturbances occur during a communication process, conversation partners begin to listen more attentively and pay more attention to perceptible non-verbal signals. The recipient of the message analyzes the content (primarily the what) as well as the facial expressions, gestures, and voice (primarily the how) more accurately and thoroughly. He or she compares whether content and packaging (auditory and visual) appear to be consistent or inconsistent. As soon as a participant perceives and interprets verbal and nonverbal messages as contradictions, he or she becomes spontaneously critical and, depending on the situation, even suspicious. This occurs in particular when uncertainties arise due to ignorance, fears, discomfort or lies.

Apart from well-trained individuals with a strong command of their body language, (that is, individuals who show an effortless, confident and persuasive attitude even in the most difficult of situations), most people send inconsistent auditory and visual signals in difficult situations. These signals can be easily deciphered by an attentive communication partner through critical observation and active listening. In addition to these influences, which generally occur when exchanging messages, personality and behavioural attributes are important. Therefore, the particular types described in detail below, presented here with the help of nine animal metaphors, play a major role. The concentration of visual and auditory resources allows for an empathetic verbal approach.

see

hear

talk

Simply talking is not the main point here, it is rather about the specific choice of a suitable terminology. This allows the speaker to adapt his approach to a specific situation. Already before starting a conversation, the speaker must define the purpose and intentions of his presentation. He or she can select at least three important basic goals:

Informing

Convincing

Persuading

Facts | Informing, convincing, persuading

Informing means giving facts, information, telling something to somebody. When informing somebody you only need the necessary information. However, if you want to convince your listeners, you need specific arguments (e.g. facts, data, figures, evidence, pros and cons, etc.) to validate your point. The word convince is derived from the Latin word convincere (con- ‘with’ + vincere ‘conquer’ capable of making somebody believe that something is true or real). Rational arguments are essential for this type of speech. When trying to convince somebody, you need to be aware of the content of the facts you are presenting.

The word persuade is derived from the Latin word persuadere (per- ‘through, to completion’ + suadere ‘advise’ to cause (someone) to believe something). To persuade someone means primarily affecting the emotions of your listener. The process itself is more empathetic. For instance, charismatic people are very persuasive thanks to their strong personality. They can easily affect people emotionally.

According to the British Dictionary, some traditionalists deplore the distinction between to convince and to persuade, maintaining that to convince should be reserved for situations in which someone’s belief is changed but consequently no action is taken (he convinced me that he was right), while to persuade should be used for situations with an outcome (he persuaded me, not he convinced me to seek more advice).

In order to achieve these goals, the speaker – the employee, the manager, the negotiator – has to master the content (hard skills) of the situation, but should also be informed about the listener (soft skills). The harder your counterpart seems to be to handle (from the point of view of the speaker), the more important it is to persuade him or her.

Observing human behavior is the only way to gain important insights about your contact person.

Interpersonal communication involves at least two partners whose personalities may either be similar, different, or completely different. Several personal factors, such as sympathy and antipathy, are of great importance in interpersonal relationships. Hierarchy levels undoubtedly affect daily communication and collaboration at work. Thus, the relationship between friends or colleagues is different than between subordinates and superiors. The negotiating position of buyer and seller also depends on certain factors. The party who is in the allegedly weaker position must adapt more to the situation than the party who is in a stronger position.

Basically, people spontaneously tend to adapt their verbal and nonverbal language as well as their behaviour to the personal characteristics of the recipient and the given situation.

In this book, various types of human individuals are presented by using nine selected animal metaphors. They represent people, e.g. acquaintances, friends and professional colleagues, customers, suppliers, supervisors or subordinates. The meaning of these different types of people is crucial for the people involved in a conversation. If your neighbour – in your subjective opinion – is a difficult person, the conversation can be rather uncomfortable. As long as he or she has no considerable influence on your professional and private life, the conflict is rather insignificant.

However, if this person is your supervisor, an important customer, or a professionally or personally significant person, the situation is completely different.

Example!

At a seminar for private banking advisors, a participant presented a certain human-animal type (nouveau rich) as a very unpleasant and difficult customer for him that he would like to avoid. He explained that he has five similar types as private banking clients that he absolutely dislikes. However, these five clients account for 80% of his client portfolio. If he were to lose them, he would be unemployed. Therefore, he must accept these unpleasant five human-animal types and make the most of the situation. In order to do this, he has to completely separate the person (difficult, important customer) from the content. This is by no means an easy task.

Why animal metaphors?

What is a metaphor? A metaphor is a figure of speech containing an implied comparison. Metaphors are members of the figurative language family, which also includes elements like similes, onomatopoeias, and personification. Metaphors are illustrations that make a strong point by comparing two things you would not necessarily pair together. Metaphors make things more tangible and support your understanding. Some examples: “She was fishing for compliments.” The woman is not literally casting a lure to hook compliments out of the ocean. “He broke my heart.” Your heart is not literally broken; you are just feeling hurt and sad. “Time is a thief.” This metaphor illustrates that time seems to pass quickly and our lives flash by. “The wordless football player lets his legs speak”. Legs can do many things, but they certainly cannot speak!

Partly, metaphors also fill semantic gaps that could only be closed by elaborate paraphrases (for example, bottlenecks). In advertisements, metaphors are essential, as they transport positive emotions. This is a helpful strategy for encouraging the customer to buy the product.

Generally, readers memorize images with familiar themes easier than long and complicated explanations.

Important facts about animal metaphors!

The nine selected animals are:

Horses

Dogs

Monkeys

Frogs

Lambs

Hedgehogs

Hippopotamuses

Giraffes

Foxes

By presenting these animal metaphors, it is by no means the author’s intention to portray some of the animals as good/pleasant and others as bad/unpleasant. The presented animal metaphors are common in general jargon. The character traits assigned to them can be very well associated with certain human behaviour. They have a great impact and stay in the readers’ memory.

The individual animal metaphors are used to describe the behaviour of human individuals (human types), but not the cause of this behaviour. Also, the unique characteristics described do not take into account the mental ability, education, expertise or professional experience of the discussed human type. A hyperactive monkey does not necessarily have to be less intelligent or capable than a smart fox or a confident dog. A shy lamb may not be able to present his or her skills as brilliantly as the rhetorically skilled giraffe. However, depending on the situation, the habitual reluctance of a lamb may seem more likeable, pleasant, and thus often more favourable than the behaviour of an arrogant and snooty giraffe.

In other terms, there are no good or bad individual features. What is most important is a correct dosage of these features in the right situation. A successful football team cannot only consist of delicate superstars with good technical skills. It also needs players who have a strong sense of community and victory-attitude (i.e. feisty dogs). A well-functioning team consists of a variety of individual people that complement each other in their skills and personality. The strength of a good team is its heterogeneity.

You should know that!