ADHD in Children E-Book

Pascale De Coster

• Herausgeber: Mardaga - INT
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 215

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2026

Beschreibung

Have you noticed attention, impulsivity, or hyperactivity problems in your child? Or has your child been diagnosed with ADHD? You probably have many questions: What is ADHD? How can I support my child? How can I help them develop their independence and self-confidence? How can I manage as a parent? Pascale De Coster offers answers! As a mother of two children with ADHD and herself affected by the disorder, she offers numerous strategies to support and guide parents in raising their children. She explains what ADHD is, presents the telltale signs in children, and details solutions for responding effectively to challenging situations: organization, concentration, motivation, and more. She provides every parent with the toolbox she wishes she had had while raising her own children! ADHD is not a life sentence! Discover a practical guide to help your child grow up happily and fulfilled.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Pascale De Coster is the author of children's books and works dedicated to ADHD. Having struggled with this disorder her entire life, she has a concrete understanding of the needs of people who live with it every day. Founder of the association ADHD Belgium, she has been involved for many years in helping people affected by it. She has also published "ADHD in Adults" with Mardaga.

Leseprobe

Cover

Title page

To the children who try so hard to meet the expectations of those they love. To the parents who doubt their abilities.

To Adrien, André, Isabelle, Rose, and Sabine, who know so well what it means to live with ADHD.

To Iris, my incredible friend.

To my sons and my adorable granddaughters, Aurore and Fanny.

To my beloved husband, who supports me every day with his unconditional love and unwavering faith in me.

Preface

I often use the following phrase to describe little moments in my life related to my condition: “Welcome to the wonderful world of ADHD.”

While this world is often filled with color, joy, noise, and creative energy that brings happiness, it can also test the patience and tolerance of those close to us. And it’s in those moments that the book you’re holding in your hands will take on its full meaning.

Throughout this book, Pascale De Coster will don her metaphorical toolbelt as the best kit in the world. She will share with you all the tools she has collected over many years in her workshop. These are tools that will help you improve your relationship with the child with ADHD in your life—whether in your family, at school, in sports, or in youth groups. For instance, you’ll have the chance to (re)discover the five basic rules of ADHD, essential keys to better understanding this condition.

As you read, you’ll quickly realize that the heart of the matter lies in communication with these children who possess superpowers. You’ll learn to spot the unmistakable signals, decode the messages sent by the little ones around you, and use the right words to optimize your interactions.

How can you establish routines that stabilize your child? How can you keep your child on track when the road gets bumpy? What are the tricks to boost memory and attention? These are just some of the questions you’ll find answers to.

One of the great strengths of this book lies in the real-life stories shared by the author. They highlight situations that will likely feel very familiar to you if you’re lucky enough to know a child with ADHD. Often, these little anecdotes will make you smile; sometimes, they’ll touch a sensitive nerve. But above all, these moments will prove to you that you are not “alone in the world.”

As you’ve probably gathered, this book is filled with inspiring positivity to improve the life of a child with ADHD and their loved ones. The magic of this book is that you can start at the end, take a detour to the fifth chapter, and then dive straight into the ninth. And we ADHD folks absolutely love doing that!

Adrien Devyver Tornado and author (They Call Me the Tornado, 2020)

Foreword

Monday, 6:30 a.m. A new week begins.

While Laurent, my husband, is busy in the kitchen preparing the family’s lunches, I finish getting ready while double-checking that the kids’ school supplies and clothes are ready before the morning rush.

7:00 a.m. As usual, when it’s time to get up, no one is on time. Yet every weekend, they’re up at the crack of dawn.

7:15 a.m. Aurore, 10, and Fanny, 5, come downstairs and sit at the table.

7:30 a.m. After several reminders, Jules, 8, bursts down the stairs (that’s putting it mildly) and throws himself into my arms for a huge hug. I feel the same intensity in this hug as in everything he does—whether it’s joy, sadness, anger, affection, frustration, impatience, and so on. I want to tell him he’s squeezing me too hard, but I bite my tongue to avoid triggering a morning meltdown. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), the specialists call it…

Today, he’s come down quickly enough to have breakfast with us. Every step of our morning routine has the potential to derail his day. Just in case, his breakfast toast and milk carton are always ready to grab and eat in the car. This morning, all three of them are in good spirits, getting dressed and brushing their teeth without too much fuss. A promising start to the week! But I don’t celebrate too soon. Sometimes, a single word or even a glance can set off an emotional tsunami in my hypersensitive child.

The last hurdle before leaving the house: shoes. How many times will I have to ask him to put them on? Will I end up doing it myself? Preferably without losing my patience…

8:00 a.m. We finally leave, fifteen minutes behind schedule. I try not to stress too much, not to get angry, and to spare them a bad start to the day. After all, I could have been better organized or gotten up earlier. Thankfully, there’s no traffic this morning. We arrive just in time at the school we chose so carefully, with so much hope and conviction.

8:40 a.m. The bell rings. A kiss, a “Have a great day,” and Aurore is already off. Jules’ teacher is absent today. I trust the substitute, but I still suspect it will be a tougher day than usual for my little guy. Jules asks for a hug before going into class. Skipping this moment of tenderness risks triggering an anxiety attack. I’ve learned to live with my son’s heightened sensitivity, and I hope he can eventually overcome it, unlike me. So, I take the time to reassure him and listen to his emotions. He walks away, satisfied with our embrace, smiling. Great, no tears welling up in his eyes. This new school really seems to suit him. He finally seems to be thriving.

8:50 a.m. The kindergarten bell rings. “Mom, will you come to my class for a bit?” I join Fanny for a story, a little puzzle. Ten minutes to ease the separation. A kiss, a hug. She’s so much like her brother. I admit it worries me. What if she, too, has attention issues?

9:10 a.m. I arrive at the office. Despite all the work waiting for me, I still take a coffee break with my colleagues before diving into my professional day. This little moment of relaxation between my two “jobs” allows me to breathe and reset. I’m lucky to have great colleagues—kind and competent—and to work for flexible people who trust me as kindly as I believe I deserve. I don’t know how I’d manage my packed life without that.

The day unfolds as it should. I’m relaxed, managing my time. Files are much easier to handle than people. Even though I juggle piles of contracts and tight deadlines, work stress usually stays in the background.

4:00 p.m. I keep an eye on the clock; soon, I’ll need to disconnect and dive back into the other part of my life.

A few weeks ago, after a breakdown, I resolved to stop worrying about how Jules’s days were going. After all, at this new school, if something significant or an incident occurs, his teacher handles it and then takes the time to explain it to me with great kindness.

Yet I still struggle to keep my distance when it comes to my son’s challenges. Even now that I know the cause and his new school is doing everything to help him, my empathetic and hypersensitive nature sometimes overwhelms me, and I feel every difficulty he faces as a personal failure. I know it’s a mistake, but that’s just how it is.

I need to go; I’m going to be late.

4:30 p.m. I arrive at school. Picking up the kids goes smoothly. Usually, at least one of them resists or is nowhere to be found. Today, everything’s going well.

What a relief!

We’re early for the neuropsychologist appointment. Unfortunately, I forgot the snacks on the kitchen table this morning. So, I muster my strength and announce to the kids that I’ll get them something from the store next to the school. Of course, they want to come with me. I set the rules: we behave calmly in the store, don’t touch anything, and stay by my side. I embark on a mission I usually try to avoid at all costs. Thankfully, three drinks and three snacks later, we’re at the checkout. The line isn’t too long. What luck! Because Jules and Fanny are already struggling to keep it together.

5:00 p.m. We’re ready to head to the neuropsychologist. Jules goes twice a week, in addition to his Wednesday afternoon psychomotor therapy, bi-monthly psychologist visits, and quarterly appointments with the child psychiatrist. That’s a lot for an 8-year-old! But it’s largely thanks to this support that he’s regained his lust for life.

The kids drink their beverages and eat their snacks. I hand out wipes to clean their mouths and hands, making them at least somewhat presentable. “Jules, take off your jacket, sweetheart; it’s filthy!”

5:10 p.m. We enter the waiting room five minutes early. Fanny and Jules start arguing. The psychologist from the office next door expresses her annoyance by firmly closing the waiting room door. Sorry, I live far away, and I have no choice but to bring Jules here with his two sisters.

5:15 p.m. The neuropsychologist is on time—what a relief! Jules and I enter her office. For a few minutes, we catch up and exchange documents. That’s enough for the neighbor to make her feelings known again, confirming my suspicion that she finds my kids too noisy. Ah, these little troublemakers! Better to laugh it off—it lightens the mood. I say that, but in truth, I’m eaten up by guilt.

It’s too rainy to take Aurore and Fanny for a walk outside. So, we’ll spend the forty-five minutes of the session in the waiting room. Luckily, today, the TV is on, playing cartoons. The girls settle down, and I don’t hear a peep from them.

I take the opportunity to read the materials on the bookshelf—brochures about Jules’s condition. In the end, I find only information I’ve already read elsewhere. Shame; I was hoping to discover more answers, more suggestions to support him and make our daily life easier. Being the parent of a child with differences means constantly searching for solutions to make their life easier and finding tips to improve the family’s overall dynamic.

6:00 p.m. The session ends. Clearly, it was time. Jules is visibly excited. In less than two seconds after leaving the office, he’s causing a ruckus on the waiting room table, spilling sand from his shoes, pockets, and pant cuffs everywhere. I apologize, attempt a quick cleanup, say a hurried “See you Thursday,” and we’re off. By the time I close the door, Jules has already rung the entry bell twice. The “neighbor” will surely appreciate that.

Off we go for a forty-five-minute drive. Thankfully, they’re tired—no loud chatter or arguments in the car. Next stop: the music school for Aurore’s clarinet lesson. Laurent is waiting for me outside the building. I hand over the two little ones and head in with my eldest. I use her music lesson time to open my laptop and answer some work emails.

7:50 p.m. I get home. We sit down to eat. On neuropsychologist days, my husband cooks. Phew! Tonight, it’s rice with a pre-made dish. No matter—it’s still good.

On other days, he works later, so it’s up to me to handle dinner, groceries, homework, lessons, arguments, baths, and so on. There’s little room in this packed schedule for cuddles, and that saddens me.

8:30 p.m. On Mondays, bedtime is pushed back—it can’t be helped. The excitement is at its peak, but I still manage to get everyone to bed. Tonight, it’s Dad’s turn to tell the bedtime stories. I’m sitting this one out.

While clearing the table, I look back and see how far we’ve come. So many tough moments!

Now that we have an explanation, I should be happy to have started implementing the right responses and to have freed myself from the accusatory gaze of those who judge without understanding. I should congratulate myself on choosing a school that’s helping Jules gradually rebuild a positive self-image—something he, like many children with similar challenges, struggles with.

Yet I still feel deeply hurt. We still hear too many hurtful and stigmatizing comments. And then there’s the exhaustion… It’s an integral part of our lives, from constantly dealing with so much energy and impulsivity, to endlessly coming up with creative ways to set firm (but gentle) boundaries, to keeping our own emotions in check when we’ve reached—or far exceeded—our limits. This feeling of having to face it all without respite, with so little support… This condition, which most people don’t understand, is so unfair to a mother’s heart!

That’s why, despite all the love I have for each of my children, despite my instinct to protect them from all harm, there are times—especially when I’m overwhelmed by physical and mental fatigue—when I have horribly guilt-ridden thoughts. There are moments when I resent my son for being who he is, even though I cherish him more than anything… There are times when I think my life would have been simpler and more enjoyable if we had chosen to have only one child… And even though these thoughts are fleeting, when they do cross my mind, it’s myself I blame the most…

10:30 p.m. As I do every night, I go to check on Aurore, Jules, and Fanny as they sleep. I kiss them and whisper one last “I love you” in their ears.

This little timeless moment helps ease the sadness that lingers in my heart and gives me the strength to keep going. See you tomorrow, my loves…

A Mom

Introduction

Twenty-five years ago, I heard about ADHD for the very first time.

The diagnosis had just been made: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder was the reason behind the many challenges my six-year-old son, Guillaume, was facing.

Even though we could finally put a name to the reasons for his struggles and medical support was about to begin, it wasn’t enough for me. How could I, his mother, help him tame this condition with such a daunting name? How could I provide the structure and boundaries he needed while remaining loving and kind? How could I nurture his motivation? Strengthen his self-esteem? Help him get organized, regulate his impulsivity, channel his energy? Stay strong without losing my temper, without yelling, without burning out?

I so wished someone could guide me through the winding path of raising a child with ADHD. Someone who had been there, who understood what I was going through, who could offer techniques, tips, and tricks without making me feel guilty or judged. Someone who would take my hand and never let go.

I found no one. I had to learn on the fly, stumbling along the way.

With this book, I want to extend my hand to you.

To do so, I’ve chosen to talk about ADHD in different ways.

First, theoretically, by simplifying often dense scientific data.

Indeed, effectively supporting your child begins with a better understanding of the complex condition affecting them. This will help you decode their way of functioning and better understand why, despite their best efforts, they sometimes struggle to adapt their behavior to different environments.

I’ll discuss the consequences of untreated ADHD. It’s crucial for you to know that if nothing is done, things won’t improve over the years—in fact, they’ll likely get worse.

I’ll provide information on diagnosis and the various available treatments.

Then we’ll explore together how your role as a parent is an essential part of managing your child’s ADHD.

And to do this effectively, you’ll need a well-stocked toolbox.

I’ll explain, as clearly and methodically as possible, how to support and guide your child, both at home and in school.

Not always easy when you’re an adult with ADHD yourself!

You’ll learn the five basic rules for dealing with ADHD, how to communicate clearly with your child, how to help them get organized, develop their memory, attention, and focus, regulate their impulsivity, channel their energy, find, regain, or maintain their motivation and self-esteem, counteract undesirable behaviors, and support them in their schooling…

I’ll share concrete tools, procedures, and strategies that have proven effective. You’ll see that by applying them logically and consistently, while adapting them to your situation, tolerance level, and personal capacity to act in one way or another, you’ll increase your chances of achieving encouraging results.

The many testimonials throughout this book will give you a glimpse into the daily lives of other families dealing with ADHD. Like you, they face diverse and numerous situations, they question, they worry, they sometimes feel like giving up, they grow, they rejoice…

You’ll realize you’re not alone.

I won’t lie to you—the journey will be long. Contrary to what I imagined twenty-five years ago, ADHD cannot be tamed; it can only be managed throughout life. You’ll need to learn to let go while holding firm.

This long-term effort will require immense patience, perseverance, and above all, kindness—both toward your child and yourself.

I know better than anyone what you’re going through, what you’re feeling, the challenges you face daily. So, I sincerely hope you’ll accept my extended hand and that we can move forward together on this sometimes incredibly difficult path.

With friendship and Belgian chocolate,

Pascale

Part one What is ADHD?

Chapter 1 ADHD: Understanding this Complex Condition

1. The Definition of ADHD

ADHD stands for “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.”1 ADHD is a polygenic disorder caused by a constellation of defects in thousands of genes, though its etiology2 remains to be fully clarified.3 This disorder of inhibition,4 first described in 1798 by Alexander Crichton,5 leads to diffi­culties in regulating thoughts, actions, emotions, and behaviors. It affects execution and organization, sustained attention and vigilance, working memory, consistent effort, and maintaining motivation.

This common disorder, with prevalence6 rates similar across most countries, has changed little over the past fifty years, except among populations benefiting from neonatal care.7 However, diagnoses have significantly increased8 thanks to advances in medical research9 and public awareness campaigns by associations and the media, leading to more consultations.

The terms “hyperactivity” or “hyperactive child” are still too often used to describe ADHD. These inaccurate labels focus solely on the “hyperactivity” aspect, neglecting attention issues, which are actually often most debilitating. Moreover, many individuals with ADHD exhibit attention deficits without any physical hyperactivity.10

2. The Symptoms of ADHD

ADHD symptoms manifest, vary, and evolve throughout life, depending on the individual’s personality, age, comorbidities,11 life circumstances, context, interventions, and the support provided by their environment.

Slice of Life:

The symptoms and challenges Lilou faces are situational. This means they arise depending on the situations she encounters, her physical or mental state (fatigue, stress, anxiety, sadness, etc.), or her motivation.

This creates a lot of confusion and misunderstanding among those around her.

Laurence, her speech therapist

2.1. Attention Deficit12

The different types of attention are:

●Sustained attention, which allows one to stay focused for long periods, processing the same information without “switching off,” such as the attention needed to study, read a book, or watch a movie without losing track.

●Divided attention, which enables one to process multiple pieces of information simultaneously, for example, listening in class while taking notes or paying attention to someone speaking while watching an interesting show.

●Selective attention, which allows one to focus on specific information amidst distractions, such as studying in a noisy room or listening to someone in front of you without being distracted by the surrounding environment.

Contrary to popular belief, individuals with ADHD are not incapable of concentrating. The issue lies in the management of their attentional resources. Scattered and hypersensitive to distracting stimuli (both external and internal), ADHD patients, regardless of age, struggle significantly to mobilize or sustain their attention. Often inattentive to details, these “kings of forgetfulness” frequently lose objects and make numerous careless mistakes. Poorly organized, they find it hard to start and finish tasks, get sidetracked, procrastinate,13 and struggle with the concept and management of time.

These symptoms worsen in situations lacking appeal or novelty, or during monotonous and repetitive tasks. However, they may improve in new environments or when engaged in parti­cularly stimulating or gratifying activities. In such cases, the brain produces chemicals that enhance focus and alertness, temporarily allowing it to function normally. It is, in a way, “repaired” by passion. Unfortunately, this effect is only temporary.

Slice of Life:

Depending on his level of fatigue, mood, and motivation, Lucas may be unable to concentrate for more than a few minutes or, on the other hand, when an activity excites or stimulates him or provides immediate gratification, he may hyper-focus14 for hours.

This explains why, after coming home exhausted from school, he struggles to focus on his homework but can play video games all evening. He enjoys it so much that, during those moments, he becomes completely unaware of the world around him. When I speak to him while he’s playing, Lucas doesn’t respond because he doesn’t hear me. He might register a background noise of words but is incapable of paying attention to them, let alone understanding or processing them.

This selective hyper-vigilance also makes it much harder for him than his siblings to disengage from an activity he loves.

Sabine, his mom

Slice of Life:

Gabriel is so absent-minded! Just this week, he lost his jacket, a shoe, his school bag, his pencil case, a sweater, two soccer balls… and I’m sure I’m forgetting something.

Since he can’t concentrate on one task for long (especially repetitive ones) and constantly thinks about ten thousand other things while doing something, he keeps switching from one activity to another, leaving his belongings scattered everywhere. It’s exhausting!

Garance, his mom

Slice of Life:

Lilou has significant difficulty determining what she should focus on and diverting her attention from disruptive stimuli (visual, auditory, internal, or motor). The slightest thing distracts her—a bird singing, a door slamming, a ray of sunlight, her thoughts, ideas, and emotions. As a result, she is either very slow or too quick, struggles to follow instructions, doesn’t finish what she starts, and makes more and more mistakes as her work progresses.

Her parents tell me that her attention problems have turned homework time into a daily nightmare. Despite their efforts, involvement, and hours spent working with Lilou, her homework remains disorganized and messy, and her lessons are poorly or barely learned.

Her faulty attention process demands unimaginable effort, and her academic results don’t reflect her hard work at all.

Laurence, her speech-language therapist

Slice of Life:

Emma frequently loses track of her reasoning when solving a problem. The same thing happens during conversations. She starts talking, gets sidetracked by unnecessary details that remind her of something else, and ultimately forgets what she originally wanted to say.

Guillaume, her dad

Slice of Life:

Leo has a terrible memory. When I send him to his room to do two things at once, he always forgets one of them.

It’s the same at school. In the evening at home, he knows his lesson perfectly, but the next day at school, it’s as if he never studied it.

Linda, his mom

Slice of Life:

Zoé cannot do two things at once. At school, for example, when asked to copy a text while listening to her teacher, it’s mission impossible. She either listens or writes.

Laurent, her dad

2.2. Motor Hyperactivity

Motor activity is heightened and disorganized in a child with ADHD compared to their peers of the same age. It is often chaotic and unproductive (constant fidgeting, restlessness, nervousness, inability to stay still).

Slice of Life:

Gabriel cannot stay seated in his chair. He’s always moving, constantly in motion, talks excessively, and makes a lot of noise. This excessive activity disrupts his attention and concentration, hindering his ability to complete structured tasks. During recess, he jumps, runs, climbs, seeks thrills, and takes many risks. Of all the children at school, he’s the one most frequently punished and most often ends up in the nurse’s office or the emergency room.

Isabelle, his teacher

Slice of Life:

Imagine a magnificent race car, fast as the wind, speeding along but… without brakes. It can’t slow down or stop when the driver needs it to. It might veer off track or even crash! Despite being the fastest, it never wins races because it always has an accident before the finish line.

Zoé’s brain is like that car. It has a good engine (Zoé is intelligent), a solid body (she’s healthy), but her brakes don’t work.

Claire, her psychologist

Slice of Life:

Leo has a genuine need to move. In class, since he has to stay seated, he constantly fidgets with his hands or legs. He touches everything on his desk, plays with his eraser, and doodles during lessons.

This hyperactivity, which he can’t control, is a real struggle for him. He has to make constant efforts to stay still, and even then, he doesn’t always succeed.

Georges, his teacher

2.3. Intellectual Hyperactivity

Intellectual hyperactivity is characterized by an accelerated pace of thoughts. Ideas race at a relentless speed, making them impossible to control.

Slice of Life:

Gabriel never stops talking. He shares everything that crosses his mind, and since he’s always thinking, he’s always talking. Moreover, because he can’t focus on a specific topic, he constantly jumps from one subject to another. It’s exhausting!

Xavier, his dad

Slice of Life:

Lilou’s brain is always buzzing. At night, her multitude of thoughts makes it incredibly hard for her to fall asleep.

Marie, her mom

2.4. Impulsivity

Impulsivity is characterized by difficulties in inhibiting15 actions, gestures, words, thoughts, and emotions. Enthusiastic, passionate, overly spontaneous, and struggling with waiting, a young person with ADHD often acts hastily, frequently interrupts others during activities, games, or conversations, without considering the consequences of their actions.