Connect yourself! E-Book

Denise Loga

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 307

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

Connect yourself! And create a meaningful and happy life is a self-help book for personal development and leadership training. Denise Loga addresses people who want to change their lives for the better, who are restless or unsatisfied in their current situation or lack something. She charmingly invites us to leave our comfort zones by asking the right questions for establishing a happier, more purposeful life despite all existing limitations.With a compassionate yet pragmatic approach, the author reflects on the big questions of life, such as What do I really want? How do I want to live? What impact do I want to create? In addition to sharing some aspects of her own rollercoaster ride in life, she - as a consultant and mentor - did an over 10-years long deep dive into the hearts and minds of people and organisations. During this time, Denise Loga discovered many common denominators for the emotional and rational wellbeing of humans. She elaborated on and turned them into easily applicable tools.Those tools are provided in this book for direct self-coaching experiences and valuable guidance to better connect to oneself and to the surrounding world - one decisive key for understanding life.

Leseprobe

To Steffen and Louis

Contents

Foreword

Introduction

CHAPTER 1 – What makes us human and why that matters

CHAPTER 2 – What drives us and why we need a personal purpose

CHAPTER 3 – Defining and living your new values

3.1 COOPERATION

3.2 HEALTH

3.3 SUSTAINABILITY

3.4 LOVE AND COMPASSION

3.5 TRUST

Closing remarks

Expressing my gratitude

References

Foreword

For many years I have had a strong urge to write this book, not only to download the thoughts from my mind but also to share my experiences and insights with other people who may have encountered similar life questions or challenging situations without quite understanding the meaning behind them. I also saw and felt the need, from friends, acquaintances and clients, for advice and ideas about how to create a more meaningful and happier (work-) life. This book is an attempt to address some of those needs.

What I have written down here is an invitation or a menu for you to choose your favourite items from or those most pertinent to you. It is intended to support you in understanding yourself better, finding some answers and especially connecting more with yourself and the world around you. I know that many of us would like to live more fulfilling lives. My desire with this book is to help you get closer to what that actually means for you personally and what you can change so that you can finally do what you want and what makes you happy.

I have used many pragmatic examples and some of the most important lessons from my private and professional life to make the content of this book as practical and understandable as possible. To bring the content to life, I have included a workbook section in each chapter with corresponding questions and exercises for you, if you wish to do some reflection yourself in terms of your personal development. You do not have to answer every single question or do every single exercise. Instead, choose what feels right for you in the very moment and period of life you are currently in. The workbook section is intended to support you in finding some clarity on topics or areas you are currently struggling with or have questions about. Only by thinking about some answers and doing some of the reflective writing exercises and thus applying the content to your own life, will you probably increase your awareness and shed some light as to why you feel and behave the way you do. The exercise and question sections are meant to be a toolbox for you if you wish to change some unpleasant parts of your everyday life. Regularly asking myself mostly deep and yet very simple questions and establishing some routines in my life, has helped me develop and create a happier life for myself.

I am absolutely convinced that if we love ourselves and connect more to ourselves, not only our own life, but also this world, will become a better place - like a transformation from the inside to the outside. My strongest wish is that I can somehow contribute to that development with this book.

Start now to love and believe in yourself more than you have ever done before! This will enable you to connect one dot at a time.

If you want to dive deeper and to directly apply the topics of the book to your own life, join one of my Connect Yourself! Workshop or Connect Yourself! Retreats and kick off your self-leadership journey towards more meaning and happiness in your life. For participating, visit my website: www.deniseloga.com. I am very much looking forward to meeting you.

Disclaimer: I have not received any payments from the people, brands or companies I mention in the book, I just chose them as random examples.

Introduction

We are at a point now where we, in the Western world, have to redefine our privileged lifestyles and especially the values we want to live by for we consume far more resources than we actually have and need. This, first and foremost, inevitably means to re-connect with us, the world around us and to live in mutually beneficial symbiosis with other people and nature, to protect and restore the valuable resources as a basis for our survival as a species. It also means deepening relationships and establishing honest, trustworthy and respectful connections with other human beings, decision-makers and corporate leaders, and establishing a mutual ground for meaningful exchange and transparency, starting with a new set of values we want to live by.

We are already quite strong with our rationality, often too strong, and stuck in our heads with lots of heavy thoughts. But if we advance mentally and mindfully, I am convinced that we will consequently feel more fulfilled, safe and happy instead of anxious, hesitant and stressed. We will also value time, health, relationships and experiences much more than consumption, money and economic growth. This re-defining process includes our private as well as professional lives and although it sounds big and complex, it is actually simple to implement by starting with small steps. All the question and exercise sections in this book can be used as inspiration and a basis upon which to define and develop a different yet more fulfilling way of living for ourselves.

CHAPTER 1 – What makes us human and why that matters

“Every person is a world to explore.” (1)

What does it actually mean to be human? Let’s start by looking a bit closer at the characteristics of our species in terms of who we are and how we function. To get an initial idea I just used the search engine Ecosia and typed “definition+human being” and quickly got the following short explanation:

“A man, woman or child of the species homo sapiens, distinguished from other animals by superior mental development, power of articulate speech, and upright stance”. (2)

Looking beyond the easily understandable and obvious factors of differentiating humans from animals, I find it quite remarkable to observe that the most fundamental factors that make humans truly humans are probably hidden behind the vague term “superior mental development”. What that specifically means is not crystal clear. I see typical human characteristics —and maybe this is indicated by the term above—in our consciousness, our mindset, our awareness of time and space, the ability to have a choice, to feel regret and our capacities to personally develop. What arises from these characteristics is a constant struggle between head and heart, between rational thoughts and needs on the one hand and (irrational) feelings and emotions on the other hand. Feelings and emotions were probably not mentioned in the differentiating definition above as animals truly have them as well (3). Nonetheless, I find it fascinating how something that so strongly influences us as a species, namely feelings or emotions, is so neglected in our education, so difficult to talk about or act upon in our lives. For instance, we were never taught in school how to understand, react or treat our own negative feelings. Instead, we are expected to figure out the most important topics of life by ourselves, subjects which go far beyond our emotional well-being. Subjects such as self-care, purpose, personal development, health, movement, happiness, meditation, healing, nutrition, how to invest, money, spirituality and relationships are just some of the many life science subjects I would have wished to have learnt more about in school or to start even talking about in kindergarten. I personally consider it much more important to learn about these fundamental every day and very practical life topics than teaching, for instance, advanced mathematical functions, that we will never use again after we have left school (unless we plan on becoming a mathematician). Also, these life topics are not (yet) a regular part of our public and professional conversations but are for different reasons treated with resistance.

I put it all visually and simply together in what I define as the “Human Triangle” diagram below (please see figure 1):

Figure 1: Human triangle; own creation

Humans are guided by their rational minds (I), but also significantly by their feelings and emotions (II) and the extent to which they are guided more by their mind or their heart, depends on their degree of awareness or consciousness (III). As can be seen in the human triangle diagram, our level of consciousness is dependent on our reason (left side) at the same time as on our heart (right side). We can increase our consciousness, if we reflect more on our thoughts, receive clarity and focus (upper left side). We also become more aware through opening our hearts and feelings (upper right side). However, if we are too much in our heads and overthink (lower left side) or if we close our hearts to the world (lower right side), our level of consciousness consequently decreases.

As Maslow (4) famously described in his hierarchy of needs, all humans have specific needs ranging from basic and physical survival needs at the base of the pyramid (food, shelter, health etc.) to more advanced, emotional and more individualised needs (loving relationships, options for self - actualisation) at the top. The higher we climb up the pyramid, the closer we get to full individual flourishing. This is nothing new of course, yet we experience a certain imbalance when focusing our needs since we still put so much more effort into fulfilling what we think we need instead of what we really need. We tend to listen more to our mind than our heart and maybe also more to other people or society in general instead of listening just to ourselves. Why is that? Because we are not able to listen (enough) to ourselves? Because we do not exactly know how we define and reach emotional and mental happiness? Because emotional gains are less valued in our society, as we cannot see or show them off to others? Whatever it is that hinders us, I am convinced that the more we just listen to ourselves and our hearts, the deeper our sense of happiness.

Your emotions are essential to your well-being and your success in life.

Let’s say our material needs were secured (shelter, food, clothes), and we can on top of that also afford an okay, nice or even luxurious lifestyle. What comes next? What are we striving for, what is the missing link towards happiness and fulfilment? That is the most precious part because all the money in the world can’t buy us emotional wellbeing. Most of us (knowingly or unknowingly) feel only happy, satisfied and fulfilled when certain emotional or psychological needs are met. Tony Robbins (5) for instance defines six concrete human needs that form our behaviour, feelings and thoughts: certainty, significance, variety, love/connection, growth and contribution. Our needs make us human. The opportunity to create, to love and be loved, to hug and be hugged, to be seen and listened to, to learn and do what we are passionate about, to engage in meaningful relationships and be able to follow our purpose. These emotional needs are applicable to every single human being and must be fulfilled in order to establish a meaningful life in its deepest sense. They are the expression of our humanity; they constitute the basis of what we need emotionally to thrive in life. If we ourselves and in the collective environments we participate in daily (e.g. work, family, hobby, friends, charity) would regularly embrace these emotional needs and if we provide and receive the needed appreciation, previously unknown potentials can be revealed. I have seen that myself in diverse private and especially professional situations. When people feel heard, challenged, motivated and truly seen, a powerful performance flow can be induced that is beneficial for everybody, the individual (through the opportunity to express oneself) as well as for the organisation or collective (through more effective and quicker achievements).

Positive energy is infectious; therefore, it is easier for you to feel good in an environment where everybody else feels good.

In addition to the emotional needs described above (be seen, heard, appreciated, hugged and loved), which are essential to all of us, we also have individual well-being requirements and changing personal feelings, that shape our mood and behaviour. Let’s start with the requirements, the things we need to do daily (or weekly) to feel satisfied. For me personally it is important to have my daily morning routine (a variation of Yoga, work-out, meditation, journaling, breakfast), and to eat healthy plant-based foods that provide me with lots of nourishing energy. Also, I need to spend at least 60 minutes every day in nature, need to learn something new and to talk to or meet a friend once a day. And it is necessary for me to go hiking for at least 2 hours per week-ideally in the mountains. This list of well-being requirements is already quite long. If I do not fulfil one or more of these requirements in a day or week, it is of course manageable, but I get slightly annoyed, miss something and for sure do not feel satisfied.

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Exercise

What are your personal well-being requirements (i.e. the things you have to do regularly to feel good)?

Every day:

Every week:

Every month:

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Your feelings create your mood and influence how you look at the world and your own life. So, make them as positive yet as realistic as possible.

In addition to our emotional needs and well-being requirements, I also use the term feelings to describe the fact that we expose ourselves to a constant yet fluctuating change of moods, consciously and unconsciously induced entirely by ourselves. I will give you an example to express how powerful our feelings are and how strongly they rule us in every single situation. Let’s just look at a very basic example from everyday life. Imagine you order a pizza in a restaurant. What do you think: Will the pizza taste better when you have just fallen in love or when your partner has just broken up with you? When you eat it alone or together with your best friend? They will probably subjectively taste like very different pizzas, but objectively they are more or less the same. We are multi-layered, complex beings who are guided by many different known and unknown factors, even when it comes to such a simple situation as eating pizza. Reasons for not considering this fact can be diverse and range from ignorance to unimportance or a lack of awareness. If a pizza company would now ask about the taste of their creations, they would get very different statements about the same pizza from the same customer depending on the mood that person is currently in. Isn’t that fascinating? In any case, there are still many blind spots to explore and feelings to face in order to finally understand what ‘human’ really means in a holistic sense. Let me give you another personal example. I prefer to go to certain cafes, restaurants and shops over other ones, I simply have my favourites regarding taste, offerings and service. My selection is based on how I feel at those places, which is often correlated to smiley faces and the sharing of good vibes. That is not rocket science. Everyone likes to be treated nicely, and as a customer or guest we immediately also feel how people (like waiters, employees) around us are treated and how they feel. That either encourages us to stay or leave. When I enter a shop or cafe, I instantly feel good if the people inside feel good and this does not require any conversations, it is more about sensing the energy in the room. It is a fundamentally different shopping or eating experience if we buy at a place where people are appreciated and happy as opposed to a place where people are exploited and unhappy. That is why investing in marketing efforts and fancy furniture instead of investing in people and a caring work culture is simply a bad business decision. Because good looks cannot disguise what everybody is strongly feeling. We do not even have to consciously connect our unpleasant feelings to the disrespectful treatment of employees, we may just feel uncomfortable and therefore want to get out of the situation (the restaurant, the cafe, the shop, etc.) as soon as we can. No matter how little we are aware, we can surely feel unpleasant energies or environments. For instance, when we enter a room where people just had a verbal fight, we automatically sense a tense atmosphere and our natural reaction is to leave the room again.

And no matter what other people say to make the situation appear more pleasant than it actually is, we always sense that something is wrong. Feelings are stronger than words. And it is so simple to create an appreciative environment that makes people happy and thus automatically creates a welcoming and warm atmosphere. In the case of a public space or business, this atmosphere automatically draws more customers to a shop, restaurant or any kind of company and likewise more qualified applicants for open job positions in those companies. And this is all regulated just by how we feel. Why? Because everybody wants to feel good, be supported, be happy and experience a sense of belonging.

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Exercise

1. Compare different supermarkets and/or drug stores. Do you prefer a specific brand or branch? You do not have to have an explanation for your preference, simply ask yourself where you like to shop the most.

2. Do you have a favourite cafe? Why do you prefer drinking your coffee at this particular place?

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Feelings also differ from each other. We suddenly feel something in reaction to external situations (like a conversation, shopping experience, traffic jam). So, during the day we have plenty of different positive and negative feelings that come up and go away or that last for longer periods depending on the importance of the situation that generated them. Feelings are thus different from the above described well-being requirements (like working out regularly), although both influence our emotional state significantly. Depending on the moment feelings can range from very sad, stressed, desperate to super happy, grateful and relieved. Just remember the pizza example from above. For instance, if we are currently going through a painful divorce, life simply sucks and we may approach everything with a kind of disappointed, angry or sad attitude. On the other hand, if we have just happily fallen in love with someone, everything is full of hearts and butterflies, as if we are on cloud nine. Those are the overall feelings we encounter during certain parts of the day and that may last for weeks or months in our life. But they can also significantly and quickly change our mood depending on what is happening to us and how we decide to react.

For instance, in one day we could wake up fully energised in the morning, feeling grateful and fulfilled, kissing our partner, welcoming the day in nature with a walk together with our dog. Back home we then laugh over a message we receive from a friend and 15 minutes later we feel annoyed about a letter we got from a lawyer. In the next moment we may feel tired, hungry and may get a bit grumpy when we look into the empty fridge. The next day may then turn out to be completely different. It could start with a bad and tired mood, since we could not sleep last night, then there is a short argument with our mum on the phone, for some reason we are running behind schedule and forget to carry an umbrella and find ourselves in pouring rain on our way to work. Awesome! Then later in the day we are criticised by a client, realise that we forgot our lunch at home and when we finally want to make a nice comforting cappuccino, there is no oat milk available. All we then want to do is just go home, hide under our blanket and wish that this day ends as soon as possible.

Sometimes days are like that. However, we should not wish for time to go by quicker. Regardless of how annoying the day is, it is still one day in our precious life that will end soon enough. So, there is no point asking to accelerate the already finite process. Unlike money, time never comes back. And what if in the evening of this supposedly devastating day, we quickly check the lottery numbers and realise that we have won the jackpot? Hooray!! How does that feel? From one moment to the next our whole world, mindset, happiness level changed for the better, just by the way we feel about and react to certain information. We are not angry, tired and grumpy anymore, instead we laugh, jump, dance and celebrate. This shows how quickly we are able to change our state of mind, our mood and the way we approach things in life and how easy it is to feel happy, because it is our own decision to do so. Of course, we cannot win the lottery every single day, but the potential to quickly turn sad feelings into happy ones (and the other way around) is extraordinary. And this can happen in many different ways and be induced from the outside, like when we get great feedback from our boss, when our child walks for the first time, when we go on a hike in the mountains or have a nice chat with a close friend. Suddenly we put ourselves in the ‘happy now moment’. So, depending on how conscious, self-aware and relaxed we are we can have complete control over the immediate feelings that impact us during the day. They may be significant or may not necessarily mean anything of higher importance, but they definitely appear and impact our mood. But why do we allow external happenings to influence our personal well-being in the first place? Why do we randomly hand over control to someone or something external and let that decide how we feel personally? Ideally, we should be solely in control of our state of happiness, not anybody or anything else.

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Questions

1. Recall a situation when someone or something in your environment (car-driver, friend, spouse, teacher, letter) significantly changed your mood for the worse. How did you feel and what did you do about it?

2. Remember a situation when someone or something in your environment (car-driver, friend, spouse, teacher, letter) significantly changed your mood for the better. How did you feel and what did you do about it?

3. What can you do to feel better regardless of external influences?

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The other thing with feelings is that we sometimes have a hard time articulating them even if we want to. It is probably easier to talk about body feelings (“I am hungry”) than emotional feelings (“I feel lonely”). We subjectively feel one way or the other, and sometimes language has its limitations in explaining our current emotional state. There are for instance no adequate words for fully describing the wonderful feelings of fresh love. This happens on another level probably beyond the grasp of language. Sure, other people (who have also been in love at some point) can imagine what it may feel like, but they will never be able to jump into the body, mind and soul and experience the exact same feeling as another person. What makes us so unique consequently separates us from others, but in a beautiful and not in a bad way. It also doesn’t matter how smart or knowledgeable we are, feeling a certain way cannot be fully learned by studying books but rather by establishing a connection to oneself. And this is a never-ending process. I still do not fully understand myself and I wonder if I ever will. A house is a house, there is no debate, no misunderstanding, no insecurity. But the feelings we experience when we have given birth or lost a close friend is for each of us unique; individual in a most radical sense. This is the opposite of what we can rationally understand.

We feel (consciously or unconsciously) thousands of impressions and feelings every single day, often without directly talking about or realising them in their entirety. But they are there anyway. Sometimes we can explain them, sometimes our rational mind cannot find an explanation for or measure them. This is also why we should not fully identify ourselves with our (transitory) feelings since they come and go as they like. We can also speak and communicate via feelings without ever opening our mouth. For instance, if we do not like a person in the room, he or she will somehow perceive those vibes and may feel uncomfortable. We are constantly sending and receiving such feelings and energies, regardless if we are able to control them or not.

A specific kind of feeling is our inner voice, intuition or ‘gut feeling’. Call it what you like it, it impacts our decision-making. This also leads us to make irrational, but in the end happiness-enhancing decisions from an outsider’s perspective. This could be for instance, rejecting a super lucrative job offer that looks like a dream on paper, but which we know we will not be happy taking if it is in a certain city, with a lifestyle, in a particular period in our life. Some things simply do not feel right. Some people hear their inner voice louder or more frequently than others, some ignore their inner voice more than others. Those who are masters in ignoring are usually also masters in being unsatisfied and grumpy. This is at least, my very subjective observation.

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Questions

1. How do you feel today and how did your feelings change through the day? Describe it in as much detail as possible!

2. When was the last time you felt happy and at ease? Why was that?

3. What do you think would make you feel happier?

4. When was the last time you listened to your gut and why?

5. When was the last time you did not listen to your gut but to your mind instead? What happened afterwards?

Exercise

Start a vision book. Write your ideal life for every year for the next ten years for all your areas of life: love, job, relationships, health, finance.

Write your targets with corresponding milestones and corresponding actions for each area and year. Print pictures from the internet with your ideal house, your desired travel routes, your dream job, etc. and glue them into the pages. Do this together with your family or friends. It is super fun to do this together with loved ones. Instead of a book you can also pin it on a board and put it on the wall somewhere so that you can ideally see it every single day and according to the Law of Attraction (6) your subconsciousness is informed of where you want to go. The energy will follow and subsequently lead you towards this path. And even if all the talk about our subconscious mind does not appeal to you, it does not hurt to feel happy when looking at your visions and dream about an alternative life from time to time, does it? So, you have nothing to lose except some time spent dreaming and imagining what makes you feel happy.

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You learn more from listening than from talking.

Communication is key. But what I have observed throughout my personal and professional life are the following three unsurprising facts. 1. People do not communicate enough with each other. 2. When they communicate, they often don’t do it in an effective way, which creates misunderstandings. 3. They do not listen deeply.

Let’s focus on number three first, because this is a simple way to embrace more of our own and other peoples’ emotional needs. We can start with exploring the art of deep listening with our family members, friends, colleagues and strangers. We may argue now that we are already listening to them all the time. Fair enough, but do we really listen deeply? We probably just hear, but not listen. Just hearing means that we are still inside our head, considering our own whereabouts and are preoccupied by our thoughts, needs, desires and to-do lists. Although we explicitly meet for certain conversations (catch-up with a friend over coffee, feedback session, team meeting, etc.), our minds are not silent and we remain focused only on our individual interests regardless of what is happening in the room or with the people around us. Deep listening is instead an expression of compassion and something completely different as it changes our perspective and makes us see the world through another person’s eyes. Deep or compassionate listening is a magical learning experience for everybody involved. Being committed and ready to forget about yourself just for a moment, leaving the stage for someone else and providing a safe and trusting space, creates valuable room for understanding, relaxation and peace. With deep listening I mean to be 100% open, present and supportive and listen to another person without thinking about our response or any personal judgements. It means to remain silent, even if we disagree with what has been said. When we listen deeply, we aim to create a safe space for the person sitting in front of us and provide him or her with the most precious resource we have to offer—our time and unconditional attention. We do this without thinking about ourselves or any immediate reactions to the words and feelings we are sensing. This deeper level of listening is about being fully present for someone else and completely ignoring our thoughts and needs for that moment. This can be very unusual and challenging, because we are so used to thinking about ourselves, seeing and creating the world through our eyes and thoughts 24 hours a day, every day and living according to the illusion that we are the centre of the universe. No judgement here, this applies to most of us. But with the practice of deep listening, we are forced to shift the attention away from ourselves towards another person, to see the world from a different perspective. Deep listening is about learning and nurturing trusting relationships and being supportive of others in a compassionate way. This by the way also significantly elevates our own authority, respect and standing in front of other people, because this kind of behaviour is indicative of a good friend, a good leader and of a good person in general.

And when the person sitting in front of us asks our opinion on what he or she should do in in a particular situation, the answer should not be based on our personal viewpoint. Much more than voicing our own opinion, our answer should be entirely focused on the life situation and emotional stance of the person sitting in front of us. It is all about putting ourselves into his or her shoes first. Because what this person needs, may be completely different from the things we would need or do as we are all very different human beings, embracing various value systems and have different emotional needs and requirements. Thus, being asked for our opinion from the other person’s perspective after a deep listening session is completely different from bringing in our own fixed opinion into the conversation from the very beginning. First, we need to form a new perspective right there in the situation, second, we must consider our subjective view of the world that we are convinced of and believe in, regardless of the current conversation. Our own reality is probably completely different from the other person’s reality. We all have our individual paths, but it can be a very unusual, insightful and satisfying experience to forget about our own significance from time to time and just support someone else.

Deep listening energises you and the other person.

People I listened to were actually surprised as they had never before, or at least very rarely, experienced this kind of full, uninterrupted attention from someone else. And the moment they became aware that I indeed just listened without speaking, their speech usually slowed down and I could almost sense how their whole nervous system relaxed when they realised that they have all the time they need and that this is really completely about them and not about me also trying to make my point. They felt safe from judgement and we both were comfortable with periods of silence in our meeting. Those little breaks were needed to better digest the words that had just been uttered.

Deep or compassionate listening is a very powerful outlet and a much-needed relationship nurturing practice for both or all people involved. By that I mean we need to talk about the things that are bothering us, and deep listening provides the kind of resonance, not despite, but because of, the prevailing silence of the listening person. This may sound contradictory at first but it is not, because we finally get a real chance to speak and make our point without any interruption, which strangely enough has become a rare thing today. We have gotten used to paying people to listen to us, e.g. through counselling, coaching or mediating, as we have reached a point in our relationships where we no longer listen (or talk) to each other and are sometimes not capable of solving our communication deadlocks ourselves. This is so even though all we want is really to just satisfy one of our most fundamental human needs. We are meant to talk, to listen and to engage with each other. Implementing a deep listening practice is for sure an excellent starting point to grow on a personal level and to engage more deeply with the people around us. Also, I truly believe that the more we feel compassion, especially in our work environment, and the more we are able to act according to our intuitive feelings and emotionally interact with each other, the more successful the respective business or organisation will be. We all want to be listened to, we want to be seen and for our desires and feelings to be understood.

Facing your emotions and unmet desires are necessary for a content and happy life.

What I have realised, with myself and other people, is that if our emotional needs and well-being requirements are often unmet, we tend to get restless, sick, grumpy, depressive and, in the worst case, we may even have a burnout. The process of increasing unhappiness may happen consciously or unconsciously. In times when I was not aware that I needed to change something in my life to feel better, my intuition or inner voice sent me strong signals to do so. Have you ever experienced a glimpse of this, when you are brushing your teeth and looking at yourself in the mirror asking “Is this life? Is this really it? I am missing something, I do not know what it is, but I am sure, there must be more out there for me.” These moments usually did not last longer than a few seconds, but are enough to remind us of life’s shortness and the need to change something in order to create a more fulfilled life. Maybe it was my subconscious mind constantly pushing me to reflect on the systems I have created for myself and consequently pushed me towards a life that is more aligned with my purpose and values. There is no point in procrastinating when it comes to doing something that you really wish to do.

Focus on the relevant, fulfilling and joy-bringing activities in your life. Ignore people and situations that do not serve your well-being.

When we experience great suffering in life it serves as a wake-up call to reflect on our general happiness level and our still unmet dreams and potentials. I once told myself, “Imagine, you will die in one year, what would you do from now on and in the following 365 days?” Wouldn’t I make sure to use every single day, minute, second in the best way? Faced with such a scenario, most of us would probably not complain about minor issues like traffic jams or waiting lines; we would appreciate every single moment on this planet as a precious gift of life. Maybe we have 2 or 10 or 50 or 80 more years to live, maybe we die tomorrow in an accident. We never know, so why waste any more precious life moments? We should embrace and celebrate our existence! Each life has an end, it does not matter how successful or rich we are, we are definitely going to leave this planet at some point—at least our bodies will die and who knows what happens to our soul. As humans we are, as of now, mortal beings, the presence of death is always with us, but we prefer to ignore it. So, why do we still waste so much time and energy on irrelevant things that, at best, do not matter and, at worst, make us unhappy?

Believe in yourself, you are wonderful the way you are! The more you do only what you think others expect from you, the more distant you get from what really matters to you.