Constructing conjugal love E-Book

Ricardo E. Facci

• Herausgeber: Hogares Nuevos Ediciones
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Serie: Por un hogar nuevos
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 110

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

Marriage and modern family are obviously fragile. So it is imposed, each time with more energy, providing them with resources to help and ensure its stability. The most ideal and authentic, for this purpose, is a true communication, through which marriage will bring to light its unlimited ability to deliver and to love. Constructing conyugal love, has been designed as a service in this area: that of dialogue.

Leseprobe

Ricardo E. Facci

Constructing conjugal love

Hogares Nuevos Ediciones

Distributes

Association: “Hogares Nuevos”

Zona Urbana S6106XAE-Aaron Castellanos

(Santa Fe)- Argentina

e-mail: [email protected]

www.hogaresnuevos.com

Facci, Ricardo Enrique

Constructing conjugal love / Ricardo Enrique Facci. - 1a ed. - Aarón Castellanos : Hogares Nuevos Ediciones, 2020.

Libro digital, EPUB - (For a new home / 1)

Archivo Digital: descarga y online

Traducción de: James Felhoffer.

ISBN 978-987-47565-7-2

1. Ambiente Familiar. 2. Terapia Familiar. 3. Relaciones Familiares. I. Felhoffer, James, trad. II. Título.

CDD 306.8

©Association Hogares Nuevos

Zona Urbana S6106XAE - Aarón Castellanos (Santa Fe) - Argentina.

With the proper licenses. The deposit required by law 11.723 is made

November 2020

Argentine Industry

COLLECTION

“For a new home”

1. Constructing conjugal love

2. Fruitful Hearts

Introduction

Dear friends:

CONSTRUCTING CONJUGAL LOVE arises from the need, expressed by many marriages, marriage partners, and agents of pastoral family groups, to have material available that is simple and fun to reflect on love and married life.

CONSTRUCTING CONJUGAL LOVE wants to be a contribution, as a little grain of sand, to the current marriage, immersed in a society that has trivialized love, fidelity, and sex; a philosophy which penetrates widely through the media of social communication, advertising, pornography and licentiousness of customs.

Marriage and the modern family are obviously fragile. So it is imposed, each time with more energy, providing them with resources to help and ensure its stability. The most ideal and authentic, for this purpose, is a true communication, through which marriage will bring to light its unlimited ability to deliver and to love. BUILDING THE CONJUGAL LOVE has been designed as a service in this area: that of dialogue.

Each of the topics have a similar format. It starts with a base text, followed by reflection - which is not to be read lightly, but rather to expand upon and to discuss. Then to facilitate the task, there are a series of questions in order to guide and direct dialogue. It ends with a prayer about the subject matter, which can also arise spontaneously by the spouses.

Reading and reflection can be at two levels: couple or group. For the first, it is suitable for couple to opt for the most appropriate time for silence and dialogue. In the case of working in groups of couples, it will surely lose dialogue and reflection and a degree of intimacy. But it will be enriching because of the exchange of experiences open to other couples. It is best to work on both levels.

I put this work in the hands of the Holy marriage of Nazareth, Mary and Joseph. Together with their Son, Jesus, may they accompany them permanently in reflection and dialogue on these pages. May they be substantive help in the construction of the conjugal love, that one day, dear married couples, you set out to make, when facing the altar, and express to each other:

Yes to love.

Yes to life.

Yes to be happy together.

Yes to Jesus.

RICARDO ENRIQUE FACCI

IOur Partner

Conjugal harmony

Conjugal harmony is built day after day.

The permanent and fundamental work in the life of a marriage is the search for conjugal harmony.

Someone might ask: why Permanent? Is it that we never get to say we are harmonious in our marriage?

The conjugal harmony is the reality of the already and the not yet. Maria and Jose, stating their experience, claimed that they felt a harmonic climate between them and, at the same time, if they did not fight for their permanent conquest, it seemed to escape them as water between the toes. Harmony is built day by day. You are performing it. But there is still some way to go. It is growing, in search of the peak that has not yet been reached.

When conflicts, obstacles and problems exist in a marriage, do not panic. The disharmonies are signs of a normal couple. The couple should really take into consideration a disharmonic situation when thinking maturely cannot overcome conflict, obstacles and problems. Faced with this reality, the married couple goes along smashing and crashing against a series of obstacles which will destroy, little by little, their marriage.

Totally unreal is the situation of a couple who believe they live in full and permanent harmony. This is not normal. What will be happening? Several causes may be present that make the couple live a life of fictional harmony. As an example: when one of the two spouses is very strong-willed and the other very submissive, this tends to create a false harmony, because it is one partner that decides everything without ever having resistance from the other party, since the other circles as a satellite around him.

We are left with the first of the cases, disharmonic walking towards harmony. Harmony and unity is being developed, are building. It is not a gift fallen from heaven the day of the marriage. It is developing. When is the marriage more united? In the early days? Or when it has already travelled together part of the way?

How can you continue walking towards harmony? With what means? Based on the years of marriage that each pair has shared they will have more or less experience the path, will have more or less the resources to grow. These are things coexistence will have shown them. It is important to discuss some of those elements that will help you grow and which will later have opportunity to explore more deeply:

• Dialogue: The most powerful weapon to destroy obstacles. An open dialogue, sincere, complete and loving is the key to the approach, the best tool to build growth as a couple.

• Ability to solve conflicts: Index of normality of a couple is not measured by the absence of conflicts but by the ability to solve them.

• Love: A couple that is permanently concerned with demonstrating in the smallest of gestures day to day knows what is wanted. Theirs is a marriage suitable to solve problems with more capacity, because there is the habit of focusing and concentrating on the other. That, ultimately, is love: make me feel extended toward the other.

• Us: It is important to realize that the problems that must be solved by a couple do not belong to the sphere of the you or the me but by the Us.

• Goals: A couple without goals is a stagnant couple, unable to cope with the obstacles and move forward.

The desire to overcome, search for perfection and happiness… is necessary.

• Prayer: The Us is also the Him. Jesus internalizes problems and gives grace to solve them. He is always fair. Talk of it, converse in prayer. Together all three can accomplish it. Alone surely nothing will be accomplished.

To discuss in couples

1. How have we been exceeding our conflicts?

2. Have we used dialogue to solve our problems?

3. Have we demonstrated our ability to settlement disputes?

4. Have we reinforced our ability to resolve conflict in a loving environment?

5. Are we aware that the problems are “ours”?

6. Is there any goal for us?

7. Do we pray about our problems?

To pray together

Lord,Thank you for our marriage and also for the conflicts that helped us to mature.

It would have been beautiful to have no problems, but we are this way flawed, selfish, sinful...

We have walked this far,overcoming obstacles,which has allowed us to come together more,want each other more,be better friends...

We ask you, Lord,never abandon us,always be at our side.Thus, the three of us continue to grow,destroying obstacles,and so build every day the best 'we',talking with you aboutthe solution to every problem.

Amen.

Conjugal dialogue

The dialogue is to love, what blood is to the body.

As children we are taught to talk about things: of others, of the realities that surround us, gossip. Some received “teachings” from little on to yell, argue or to impose ideas. But, in reality, are we taught to dialogue?

We have been assimilating a misconception of what is dialogue. We believe that a good dialogue is to talk a lot. Conjugal dialogue is very demanding, requires depth, and is not a simple conversation. Many couples believe they have reached a good dialogue because they talk about things: of work, of “life is expensive”, of neighbors, of the television program, of the in-laws. It is clear that some of these themes should be discussed, but do not cross arms and assert that everything is accomplished in the area of matrimonial dialogue. Also remember that many speak, and very well, demanding to be heard. But they never listen.

Dialogue partners are permanently feeding the conjugal love. Make it grow and fortify it. How can one achieve a deep matrimonial dialogue? By talking about one's self, not others: “We”, transmitting our feelings to each other. By having a deep dialogue with your partner, communicating your intimate thoughts, sorrows, joys, desires and little things of life in common.

Stones, plants and animals constitute a world closed in on itself. Unlike them, we can open up, communicate to each other, penetrate into the other and be penetrated. The richness and wonders achieved in conjugal dialogue is not, then, the others’ or everyday details, but same couple, their inner wealth and their feelings.

The dialogue is a capability that Dios gave us as a road, whereby we are able to open our own interior to the other.

Someone said to me: We do not know what to dialogue. Is this so? Or are they so estranged that they have nothing in common? You can discuss many topics, but the fundamental is speaking of one's self, of what it feels like to be together or away for various reasons, the feelings that children produce, what you experience with a dislike or a joy, when the other says “I love you,” or to share the same bed.

Talk so love lives! Because dialog is for love, what blood is to the body.

To talk in couples

1. How do we see our dialogue?

2. What have we found negative in us that hinders the dialogue?

3. What have we found positive in us which helps to enhance our dialogue?

4. What can we do to improve conjugal dialogue?

To pray together

Lord,you who are the word,that being so you did little:a man; to get close to you,and so talk with us;teach us to renounceour pride, not to be indifferent to the request of the other, to want to impose our ideas.

Lord,Teach us to dialogue, to talk about ourselves, to open our hearts to be totally with the other, so our intimacies are as one.

Amen.

Know how to listen

Whoever has ears, let them hear (Mt 13, 9).

This thought of Jesus, who wants to hear, will hear, said on several occasions, perfectly refers you to the domestic dialogue. What usually occurs is that in order to deepen the theme of the dialogue, many couples touch a very painful wound: the absence of a mature dialogue.

It is necessary to not get discouraged. It is possible to restart the dialogue. How? Sacrificing everything to reach mutual understanding. Recognizing that in each failure, make a true and deep examination of dialogue. But above all things, learning to listen, but listen loving.

He who wants to hear, will hear. It is clear that Jesus did not speak to deaf people, people with hearing problems, but that he addressed those who simply received the words, not letting them to penetrate to the heart. He who wants to hear with your heart, will hear.

Only he who actually opens his heart to the word of the other can listen loving. Dialogue, before talking, is to listen.

How can we hear lovingly?

• Having such a disposition that the other feels encouraged to continue transmitting from deep within.

• Wondering, as to motivate the interlocutor can deepen their interior.

• Evaluating if what is heard is accurate. In the appropriate moment it is necessary to perform a synthesis of what is heard and repeat it to the other, for an assessment, to be sure if what was received was what they wanted to convey.

• Avoiding judgment and defensiveness.

Listening is not just letting the words of the other person into our auditory system. It is to embrace the other person through their word. The ability to listen loving depends on how deep the desire is of being reached by the other. Listening requires openness.

It is necessary to know how to listen to achieve a deep dialogue. Anything is possible for those who love each other, especially work in reconstruction or the enhancement of dialogue. To start on this path, a real test is necessary to discover personal responsibility of each other, why the conjugal dialogue has not yet reached its true depth.

The ideal dialogue is not achieved:

• When talks go back permanently to the past, always restating the same arguments, the same topics.

• When one of the two constantly rejects the ideas of the other.