Date Your Wife E-Book

Justin Buzzard

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 162

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2012

Beschreibung

An Intensely Practical Guide for Husbands Looking to Strengthen, Save, or Spice up Their Marriage Most men don't know how to date their wives. They did it before, but they've forgotten how, or they're trying but it just doesn't seem to be working. Justin Buzzard helps men re-learn this all-important skill from a position of security in the gospel of grace. As a father of three boys and husband, Justin offers guys a helping hand, good news, and wise counsel, along with: - 100 practical ideas for how to date your wife - Action steps at the end of each chapter - Personal stories and real-life examples All types of marriages—good ones, mediocre ones, and bad ones—will experience a jumpstart as a result of hearing, believing, and living the message of Date Your Wife.

Leseprobe

“Finally, here is a book that will not make men feel guilty.”

Gary Chapman, author, The Five Love Languages

“For several years after retiring as a player in the NFL, I ‘kept my helmet on’, as my wife, Kim, would say. I only saw what I wanted to see and only heard what I wanted to hear about all that she was dealing with as the mother of our seven kids. Finally, I took the helmet off and learned how to really hear and see her. Had I only had this book ten years ago, we could have saved countless disagreements and discussions! It’s a must for husbands who long to raise the communication and intimacy levels in their marriage.”

Mike Singletary, NFL Hall of Fame Linebacker

“Whether you’ve been married a few days or 50 years, Date Your Wife is well worth the read. Justin Buzzard shows us the first step to loving your wife isn’t to try harder—it’s to be empowered by the gospel. Date Your Wife gives you biblical advice and practical tips that will transform your marriage.”

Jim Daly, President, Focus on the Family

“Finally, here is a book to put in a man’s hands that doesn’t tell him ten things to do to meet his wife’s needs. Instead, Date Your Wife gives men a whole new paradigm for marriage: a paradigm of grace, freeing men to approach life and their wife in a whole new way. Once men understand this, everything changes.”

Paul David Tripp, President, Paul Tripp Ministries; author, What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage

“This book is for every man who wants a lifelong romance with his wife. Surely that is God’s good will. It’s why we fully expect God’s blessing to be on this book. Date Your Wife could be how your romance is renewed for keeps.”

Ray and Jani Ortlund, Renewal Ministries

“I want every man I know to read this book. Date Your Wife has the power to emancipate men and liberate marriages.”

Mark Batterson, Lead Pastor, National Community Church, Washington, DC; author, Wild Goose Chase and Soulprint

“In this book, Justin has done wives a great service. After being pursued by a husband who’s promised to love them, many wives have found that their husbands are now busy pursuing other things—from the NFL to corporate business plans—and that his interests really lie elsewhere. Justin offers the practical help and encouragement that men need to live out the depth of the vows they’ve made. He does all of this in the milieu of God’s grace to us through Jesus Christ. I’m so thankful for Justin and how the Lord will use this book in many lives!”

Elyse Fitzpatrick, counselor; speaker; author, Because He Loves Me and Comforts from the Cross

“Don’t you dare think Date Your Wife is a ‘been there, done that’ book. It’s revealing, eye opening, and inspiring. It’s fresh. I am certain Date Your Wife will positively alter thousands of couple’s futures. As a husband for 38 years, I applaud Justin Buzzard’s work and I would put it in the hands of every man I could!”

Wayne Cordeiro, Senior Pastor, New Hope Christian Fellowship, Honolulu, Hawaii

“I need a book like this! I’m often in fits and starts trying to regularly date my wife, so I’m glad the Lord has given Justin Buzzard the vision and insight to write Date Your Wife for strugglers like me!”

Thabiti Anyabwile, Senior Pastor, First Baptist Church of Grand Cayman; author, The Decline of African American Theology

“I am thrilled about this book for several reasons. First of all, my brother, Justin, thoroughly gets the gospel of God’s grace, and it decorates every page of this book. Second, he’s intentional about loving his wife well, and, therefore, we need Justin’s tribe to increase exponentially. Third, his book is so incredibly practical. He’s left me without excuse! Last, Justin’s writing, heart, and wisdom make me so glad to know that Jesus is the spouse I always wanted, and that, by his grace, I can love my wife as he loves me. This book, like my brother, rocks!”

Scotty Smith, Founding Pastor, Christ Community Church, Franklin, Tennessee; author, Everyday Prayers and The Reign of Grace

“For a young, married man like myself, this is a much needed reminder! Date Your Wife encourages me to man up, trust Jesus, and love my wife well. I encourage all husbands to go grab a copy.”

Trip Lee, rapper; author

“I am a big fan of Justin Buzzard and this book. I champion any call for men to step out of passivity and dominate the things that matter most—Date Your Wife beckons me as a man to do just that. The primacy of being a great husband is undeniable in Scripture and I appreciate this gospel-centered, practical, and powerful resource to help us men step up in the most noble of all roles. I pray God uses Date Your Wife to call up a generation of men who are first and foremost great husbands. I can think of no greater gift to our children, our churches, and our cities than men whose wives are pursued well and have marriages that flourish and go the distance.”

John Wiley Bryson, Co-Founder and Teaching Pastor, Fellowship Memphis, Memphis, Tennessee; Leadership Coach, Fellowship Associates

“Otis Redding sang ‘Try a little tenderness’ and some husbands want to—but don’t know how. Justin Buzzard gives sound theological and practical advice. If more husbands learn to date their wives and, through God’s grace, truly love them, many marriages will be saved.”

Marvin Olasky, Editor-in-chief, World Magazine

“Justin reveals a gift for combining challenge with encouragement. In Date Your Wife, he manages to propose provocative and practical ideas without making me feel like a marriage dunce. So, I hereby confer to Justin the title of ‘Professor of Creative Marriage.’ May his students learn well!”

Greg Spencer, Professor of Communication Studies, Westmont College; author, Awakening the Quieter Virtues

Date Your Wife

Copyright © 2012 by Justin Buzzard

Published by Crossway

1300 Crescent Street

Wheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law.

Cover design: Josh Dennis

Cover image(s): John Wilson, illustrator

First printing 2012

Printed in the United States of America

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added by the author.

Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-3135-4 PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-3136-1 Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-3137-8 ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-3138-5

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Buzzard, Justin, 1978-

Date your wife / Justin Buzzard.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references (p. 143) and indexes.

ISBN 978-1-4335-3135-4 (tp)

1. Husbands—Religious life. 2. Marriage—Religious aspects—Christianity. 3. Wives—Psychology. I. Title.

BV4528.3.B89 2012248.8425—dc23

2012001370

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Preface: Why You Should Read Want to Read This Book

PART 1: THE GOOD

 1 How Your Marriage Started

 2 Who Invented Marriage, and Why?

PART 2: THE BAD

 3 Where Marriages Go Wrong, Part I: The Husband

 4 Where Marriages Go Wrong, Part II: The Husband’s Religion

 5 Where Marriages Go Wrong, Part III: The Husband’s Action

PART 3: THE NEW

6 Where Marriages Go Right, Part I: The Husband

 7 Where Marriages Go Right, Part II: The Husband’s Gospel

 8 Where Marriages Go Right, Part III: The Husband’s Action

 9 A New Dream for Your Marriage

10 How to Date Your Wife: Develop the Air War

11 How to Date Your Wife: Develop the Ground War

PART 4: THE PERFECT

12 Date Your Wife until Death Do You Part

Afterword by Taylor Buzzard

Appendix 1 Date Your Wife: One Hundred Ideas

Appendix 2 Date Your Wife: A Message from a Ninety-Year-Old Husband by Bob Mounce

Notes

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I want to thank my mom for planting in me a big vision for manhood and marriage well before I hit puberty or could tie my shoes. Mom, your fingerprints are all over this book.

I want to thank my dad for his example of learning how to date his wife all over again after twenty years of marriage. Dad, you’ve taught me more than you know about the power of grace and what it means to be a man.

I want to thank the people of Garden City Church for being excited about my writing this book while simultaneously starting our life together as a new church plant.

Above all I want to thank my bride and best friend, Taylor, for filling my life and our testosterone-crazed home with so much joy. Life has felt new, wonderfully different and new, since the day we met. Taylor, you are God’s greatest gift to me, and the road ahead looks so exciting. I love you. I feel the way the nineteenth-century British preacher Charles Spurgeon felt:

Matrimony came from Paradise, and leads to it. I never was half so happy, before I was a married man, as I am now. When you are married, your bliss begins. Let the husband love his wife as he loves himself, and a little better, for she is his better half. He should feel, “If there’s only one good wife in the whole world, I’ve got her.”1

Finally, years ago Jesus changed my life. Ultimately, this is a book about Jesus, the man who gives us men the grace and the power to be real men in a world full of fake men. Jesus, thank you for saving me and giving me a new life. Jesus, use this book to make men new and to breathe fresh life into marriages.

PREFACE

Why You Should Read Want to Read This Book

I want you to do something. Make a list in your head of the marriages you’ve seen that you actually like. How many married couples can you think of that have a thriving marriage—a good, happy, alive marriage—the kind of marriage that makes other people want to get married?

How many marriages did you think of?

I’ve tried this question on many people. Most people can come up with only one or two examples of strong, lively, and attractive marriages. This book aims to change that. Things don’t have to stay the way they are.1

You know the statistics. Marriage is broken in our world. If your marriage isn’t broken, the marriage of someone you know is. At the very least, your marriage isn’t pulsating with the life and power it was meant to have.

But it’s not too late. There’s still hope for marriage—for your marriage, for your neighbor’s marriage, and for marriages that haven’t happened yet. Marriages can be jump-started; the sacred union between a husband and a wife can receive new life and power. I don’t care who you are, who you’ve been, or what your marriage has been through—everything can be made new. It’s harder and easier than you think.

Men, it starts with you. You and I and the men we know want something more. Perhaps you’ve settled for a marriage that looks like most other marriages. Perhaps you now look like most other husbands—ordinary, nice, confused. But what you really want is a marriage that feels like a mission, a marriage that’s moving forward toward something exciting, mysterious, and grand—kind of like the way dating felt.

Men, this book is for you. Pick it up and read it.

PART ONE

THE GOOD

1

HOW YOUR MARRIAGE STARTED

From as far back as I can remember I’ve thought about marriage. My daydreams and prayers have always been full of thoughts about “her.”

Beginning at the age of four or five, my mom tucked me in at night with prayers that made mention of my future wife. We prayed for her protection and well-being. We didn’t know who this little girl was or where she lived, but we asked God to arrange all the details for us to someday meet, marry, and build a family of our own.

Twenty years after these prayers started, I met “her,” the woman of my dreams, at a party in Palo Alto, California. Seven months later I proposed. Three months after that we were married. Last week my bride of seven years gave birth to our third son, giving us three boys under age four. We’ve been busy.

My story is rare. Most men don’t grow up with a mom who tucked them in at night breathing out sentences and prayers about the grand adventure of being a husband. But the rest of my story is not rare. Every man’s marriage begins just like mine—with a date and a dream.

A DATE

Your marriage didn’t start on your wedding day. Husband, your marriage started on your first date. During that first date with your bride, you began laying the foundation for the day you would say, “I do.” You began laying the foundation your marriage stands upon today.

How long have you been married? How long ago was that first date? Think back to that day. Replay the memories in your mind. Most men don’t realize that the concept of dating their wife is something they’ve already built into the foundation of their marriage.

My wife’s name is Taylor. We met in a kitchen (I’ll tell you that story later). Our first date happened six weeks later in a redwood forest.

I called Taylor on a Friday at 9:00 a.m. It was raining outside. I cleared my throat just before she answered the phone. I told her I wanted to take her out on a date. She asked, “When?” I said, “Now.” I told Taylor I wanted to take her for a hike in the rain. She paused, stuttered, then asked if she could call me back in ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, Taylor called back and said yes. She lived in San Francisco and I lived in San Jose, so I had us meet halfway, in Palo Alto, the same city where we’d first met six weeks earlier. The image is burned into my mind of blonde Taylor in her blue jeans and pink button-down standing under the neon lights of the Stanford Theater on University Avenue waiting for me to arrive. I had never been so excited to be with a girl.

Taylor stepped into my Jeep and our first date began. I drove us up a winding road to a redwood forest in the Santa Cruz Mountains. We spent the next two hours strolling along a trail in the forest getting to know each other while a soft drizzle fell on our rain jackets. Eventually we found ourselves next to a fallen tree trunk covered in moss. We sat on the mossy log and kept talking. I didn’t know it then, but six months later I would get down on one knee and propose to Taylor at this mossy log.

After the hike we stopped for soup and coffee. We discovered that five years earlier we had both vacationed with our families at the same hotel in Idaho during the last week of December, but our paths never crossed. I couldn’t tell what Taylor was thinking about me. When I dropped Taylor off at her car, I handed her a book I had purposely brought along, Desiring God by John Piper. I pretended that the book just happened to be sitting on my backseat. I casually glanced back at the book, then handed it to Taylor, telling her I thought she’d like it because of how it related to many of the things we talked about during our walk in the woods. I told her that the book meant a lot to me. The real reason I gave her the book was so that, even if she didn’t like me, she’d at least be obligated to see me one more time to give me back my book. It wasn’t until after we were married that I learned Taylor drove home that day and told her roommate she believed I was the man she would marry.

That was our first date. I remember it like it happened yesterday.

What was your first date with your wife like? Think about it. Where were you? What did you do? What did you talk about? What did you learn? What were you feeling? What was she wearing? How did your date happen in the first place?

No first date is exactly alike. Each of us has a different first date story. But we all have a story.

My dad’s story is that he took my mom out for pizza in downtown Sacramento, then he took her out dancing. It was a blind date. They had never met before. The date worked.

My friend Campbell’s story is that after months of friendship and hanging out, he finally got over his nerves, took his “friend” to a park on a moonlit night, gave her a rose, and told her he felt something more than friendship and wanted to start pursuing her.

What’s your story?

My assumption is that all of our first date stories have one thing in common: we acted like men. We pursued our wives-to-be. We made the move. We initiated. We took a risk. We took the lead.

Husbands, this is important for us to remember. Throughout this book I’m calling you to do one thing. The action I want you to take is summed up in just three words: date your wife. This three-word action isn’t something foreign, intimidating, or new—I’m asking us to do something we’ve already done, something we’ve already built into the foundation of our marriages—to date our wives.

Even if you haven’t been on a bike in years, you still know how to ride one. It’s the same with dating your wife. My aim is to get men back on the bike and to get us there in the best shape of our lives, exercising the best possible form.

A DREAM

Can you remember when you first began thinking about marriage? Most women can. Most men can’t.

I’ve met women who had the flavor of their wedding cakes picked out when they were in preschool. My wife’s not one of them. A child of divorce, she thought little of marriage—she was scared of marriage. She planned to pursue a career and put marriage off until her late thirties. That plan didn’t work. Taylor was twenty-three on our wedding day.

I’ve met men who think a lot about women but seem to never think about “the woman,” about marriage. That’s not my story. I grew up looking at girls with one question in the front of my mind, “Could I marry her?” One girl passed the test.

Whether your story is more like my wife’s or more like mine, the point is that you didn’t approach your first date or your wedding day with a blank slate. You had thought about marriage before. Whether highly conscious or unconscious of it, you had ideas, feelings, and beliefs about marriage. You had a dream.