Demystifying Decision-Making E-Book

Aimee Joseph

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021

Beschreibung

Drawing Closer to God One Decision at a Time On an average day, people makes countless decisions: Should I get out of bed or hit the snooze button? What should I have for breakfast? Where should we go for this year's vacation? While some decisions are easy to make, others can leave individuals paralyzed and full of anxiety. As Christians living in an increasingly individualistic society, what's the best strategy for making decisions that honor God while becoming more like him in the process? Writing from her own experience and pointing to biblical examples, Aimee Joseph offers a biblical and theological framework for decision-making. She explains God's design for humans as decision-makers, the biblical model for making choices, common wrong approaches, practical tips, and what to do when you've made a poor decision. With the philosophy that "as we shape our decisions, our decisions shape us," Joseph teaches readers how to worship and draw closer to Christ through their daily decisions. - Practical: Equips Christians to make decisions as God's image bearers - Applicable: Features study questions and helpful resources, including "The Dashboard of Decisions" and a decision-making flowchart - Published in Partnership with the Gospel Coalition (TGC)

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“I’ve often wished that God would skywrite his will for me, but after reading Demystifying Decision-Making, I see that the process of seeking God is as important as the outcome. This book draws extensively from Scripture and will be a trusted guide to navigate life’s choices, from everyday decisions to life-changing ones. Aimee does not offer a pat formula but rather a robust framework to help gather and fit together the puzzle pieces in our decisions, drawing closer to the Lord as we do. I will refer to this wonderful book often!”

Vaneetha Risner, author, Walking Through Fire: A Memoir of Loss and Redemption

“We wake up every day to hundreds of decisions. We must decide what to have for breakfast, what to wear to work, and what to do with our free time. The sheer number of choices can be overwhelming. Add to those smaller decisions the bigger questions of calling, relationships, and goals—and we almost don’t want to get up in the morning. Thankfully, Aimee Joseph is a faithful guide as we navigate both large and small dilemmas. In the pages of this book, we learn to weigh our choices according to God’s word and his will and come away with a renewed trust in the God who sovereignly ordains all things. Whatever you are trying to decide, I trust you will find this book a helpful resource.”

Megan Hill, author, Praying Together and A Place to Belong; Editor, The Gospel Coalition

“Whatever big decision you’re facing right now, Aimee cannot make it for you. This book won’t tell you the one clear and easy answer. But in Christ, informed by the word of the living God, Aimee does have some vital principles to share. Scripture doesn’t give us quick answers to our hardest decisions, but we’re not left in the dark. And when we learn what God has to say about our moments of conscious decision, we’re not only better prepared to face future anxious junctures, but also to become the kind of person who instinctively and sometimes almost effortlessly discerns the will of God. This book will help now, and later.”

David Mathis, Senior Teacher and Executive Editor, desiringGod.org; Pastor, Cities Church, St. Paul, Minnesota; author, Habits of Grace

“In the modern and wealthy West, we all know the paralyzing power of endless choice. Our cultural mantra that we are self-made causes decision-making to be all the more intimidating. Aimee Joseph gives us both a theological framework and practical steps for making good choices. This book will serve anyone who has to make any decision—all of us! And it will be especially helpful to those who help others make decisions: pastors, professors, counselors, friends, and mentors. I love Joseph’s priority on the character and goodness of our God, the reliability of his word, and the unshakable grace on which we stand when we make choices both large and small. Her words are both a bulwark and a comfort, pointing us to God’s eternal wisdom as well as his matchless grace.”

Jen Oshman, author, Enough about Me: Find Lasting Joy in the Age of Self

Demystifying Decision-Making

Demystifying Decision-Making

A Practical Guide

Aimee Joseph

Demystifying Decision-Making: A Practical Guide

Copyright © 2022 by Aimee Joseph

Published by Crossway1300 Crescent StreetWheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law. Crossway® is a registered trademark in the United States of America.

Cover design: Crystal Courtney

First printing 2022

Printed in the United States of America

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-7541-9 ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-7544-0 PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-7542-6 Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-7543-3

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Joseph, Aimee, 1983- author.

Title: Demystifying decision-making : a practical guide / Aimee Joseph.

Description: Wheaton, Illinois : Crossway, 2022. | Series: The gospel coalition | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021012806 (print) | LCCN 2021012807 (ebook) | ISBN 9781433575419 (trade paperback) | ISBN 9781433575426 (pdf) | ISBN 9781433575433 (mobipocket) | ISBN 9781433575440 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Decision making—Religious aspects—Christianity.

Classification: LCC BV4509.5 .J678 2022 (print) | LCC BV4509.5 (ebook) | DDC 248.4—dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021012806

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021012807

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

2022-01-06 01:28:24 PM

To G’Joe, Tyus, Eli, and Phin

All the way may the Savior lead us.

Contents

Introduction: Ubiquitous Decisions

1  The Drama of Decisions

2  The Design of Decisions

3  Theological Foundations for Decisions

4  The Dashboard of Decisions

5  Practical Preparation for Decisions

6  Practical Paradigms for Decisions

7  You’ve Decided, So Now What?

Conclusion: The Destination of Decisions

Acknowledgments

Study Questions

Appendix: Visual Summaries

Notes

General Index

Scripture Index

Introduction

Ubiquitous Decisions

Sometimes things become so much a part of the fabric of our lives that we don’t even recognize them. Decisions are chief among them. They are so ubiquitous that we tend to drown out their prevalence and significance.

In a self-initiated experiment, I decided to keep a running tally of the number of decisions I made throughout an average day. Before my feet even hit the ground, I had counted four: Do I sleep five more minutes? Do I shower now or after my morning walk? When should I take the dog for a walk? What shall I wear today?

Next, I stared down a significant breakfast decision. I landed on cereal but then had to decide which cereal, which bowl, and which milk. As soon as those decisions were settled, I faced coffee decisions: travel mug or regular mug? Sugar or Splenda?

At this point, I had been awake only three minutes. Where will I sit to spend time with God? Should I journal or read the Bible? Assuming I decide to start with reading the Bible, where shall I read this morning? How many verses? We are only ten minutes into the day. Suffice it to say that after an hour I promptly quit the exercise, utterly overwhelmed by the sheer number of decisions that make up an ordinary day.

If you are not convinced by my experiment, I’d like to invite you into a short trip to the local grocery store. We aren’t shopping for a Thanksgiving meal. We only need the ingredients for an apple pie. Sounds simple enough, right? Before we even get to the store, we must decide which parking spot to choose based on which entrance we will walk through. Then we must choose whether to get the wonky-wheeled shopping cart or risk nearly breaking our wrists carrying a basket. Friends, we are not yet fully in the store. We approach the produce section with a simple need: apples. What used to be a semi-simple choice between green or red has become a complex decision these days. Pink Lady, Gala, Red Delicious, or Fuji? Organic or regular? Next comes flour. Almond flour? Whole wheat flour? Enriched flour? Store brand or name brand? Regarding eggs, we have an entire endcap from which to choose. Regular eggs, organic eggs, free-range eggs, and local eggs (and every possible combination of these categories). I won’t belabor the point. You live in the same world I do. We experience the same decision-making fatigue. Thus far we are only making an apple pie. We have not even broached the subject of the weightier decisions of life.

The Dizziness of Decisions

Søren Kierkegaard, the Danish theologian and philosopher, once said, “Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” If grocery store decisions make us dizzy, the more significant decisions of our lives cause deeper and more disorienting anxiety. One of the unanticipated weights of living in an age of unprecedented freedom is the anxiety that comes as its counterpart.

In the past (and in other cultures in the present), freedom was much more limited. Most children were not able to choose a calling or direction. They would learn the family trade that had been passed down from generation to generation. Likewise, it was assumed that they would remain in the hometown that the family had lived in for generations.

My parents-in-law were born in neighboring villages in Kerala, India. My amma had two career choices: nurse or teacher. When my appa was young, he knew he would study engineering as his father and uncles had. Amma and Appa did not even play a primary role in choosing to marry one another; their parents arranged their marriage. The second time they met, they were walking down the aisle and into their future. After having twins (one of whom is now my handsome husband), they emigrated to the United States in search of a better future and more opportunities for their children.

Flash-forward twenty years. My husband and I sit around Amma and Appa’s kitchen table in Austin, Texas, with our three children. My middle son has been tasked with preparing a heritage report for his class. We huddle around the table as a captive audience as my son interviews my in-laws. When asked about their childhood in India, both Amma and Appa smile as they reminisce. “It was so carefree; we played all the time. We did not have the stress and the worry. We were just children.”

My children have far more choices than Amma and Appa had at their age. They can choose from five different club soccer teams. They select multiple elective courses even at their elementary school. Shows, books, and role models regularly remind them to be whoever and whatever they want to be. For now, these promises of choice and freedom sound alluring. However, in less than ten years my oldest son will likely be graduating from college. Suddenly the freedom to be and do whatever he wants will transform into the intense, crushing anxiety that is the dizziness of freedom. Professors and well-intentioned friends will be asking him a litany of questions. What are you going to do when you graduate? To which graduate schools have you applied? Where will you live?

In a culture marked by freedom yet marred by anxiety, the decision-making process confuses us. Some decisions paralyze us, while other decisions pass by seemingly unnoticed.

The Shaping Power of Decisions

In his short but powerful book The Death of Ivan Ilyich, Leo Tolstoy brings us to the deathbed of an average Russian man. Ivan, like most of us, did not take the time to think about his daily decisions. Life was so full, so promising, so busy with its demands and desires, that Ivan simply went along for the ride. The currents of culture and the tyranny of the moment directed his life. He attended the popular parties, married into the right class, and worked hard as a lawyer to purchase the right fabric for the right drapes to meet the current fashions. His life came to a screeching halt with the diagnosis of a terminal illness.

Tolstoy invites us into the moment in which Ivan, an unreflective man, must face the cumulative effect of his life decisions. He lived his life as “a capable, cheerful, good-natured, and sociable man.” He did whatever his station and culture dictated to be fashionable. When institutions and fashions changed, he adjusted accordingly. He climbed the social and professional ladders. He married well, even if not for love. Tolstoy leads the reader through Ivan’s decisions in the same matter-of-fact way that Ivan made them. Ivan and his wife bore children. They hit a few rough patches financially and eventually rebounded. After moving into a new home, Tolstoy writes the following about Ivan and his family:

And so, they began to live in their new quarters which, as always happens when people get settled, was just one room too small, and on their new income, which, as is always the case, was just a bit less—about five hundred rubles—than they needed. But it was all very nice.1

In a way that seems almost laughable to the reader, Tolstoy describes the ordinariness of Ivan’s life. A series of decisions stacking up. Tolstoy summarizes a lifetime of decisions in a few sentences, saying, “So they lived. Everything went along without change and everything was fine.”2

Until it wasn’t.

After being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, Ivan’s perspective began to change. His terminal illness cast decisions he thought were pleasant inevitabilities in a different light. Tolstoy captures Ivan’s significant moment of realization:

And in his imagination, he called to mind the best moments of his pleasant life. Yet, strangely enough, all the best moments of his pleasant life now seemed entirely different than they had in the past. . . . “Perhaps I did not live as I should have,” it suddenly occurred to him. “But how could that be when I did everything one is supposed to?”3

Our culture constantly reminds us to take each moment as it comes and to live for today. Ivan Illyich did those things. He made decisions based on the culture around him and the desires within him; however, at the end of his life, his decisions proved disappointing. How can we avoid finding ourselves in Ivan’s shoes? To what cumulative end are our daily decisions directing us?

Divine Direction in Decisions

If you are reading this book, I imagine I don’t have to convince you of the dizziness of decisions or their power to shape our lives. You are likely living in the crosshairs of critical decisions. Perhaps you are wondering which path to take, which church to choose, or which spouse to marry. No matter what decision you are deliberating, the incredibly good news is that the Scriptures offer guidance for believers making decisions.

God graciously stamped humanity in his image, giving us the ability to make decisions (Gen. 1:27). By his very nature, God is self-revelatory, meaning he wants to be known, seen, worshiped, and followed. God is not a divine clockmaker who created the universe and then stepped away to let it run. Rather, he has intimately involved himself in his creation from the beginning.

Even after God’s people alienated themselves from him through their sin, God moved toward them and directed them (Gen. 3:8–10). He created for himself a people whom he would lead (Gen. 12:1–9). He sent prophets to speak to them, priests to atone for them, and kings to lead them. His engagement with his decision-making people came to a culmination in the incarnation of Christ (John 1:6–14). Christ made the invisible God visible in a tangible way (Heb. 1:3). Christ walked this earth and experienced the daily decisions of life. Though he was tempted in every way as we are (Heb. 4:15), he made every decision considering the favor of his father. He chose to follow God even when that choice meant death on a cross (Phil. 2:8).

Through the life, death, and resurrection of Christ, believers are invited into the freedom of making decisions as children of God. Rather than following the whims of their heart, believers are invited to place the desires of their hearts alongside the word of God as a ruler. God’s word, God’s Spirit, and God’s people are intended to help instruct us in the series of decisions that constitutes life.

The Path before Us

Judging from the number of books and articles promising five steps to better decisions or the secret to discovering calling, people hunger for practical wisdom and guidance. We want to know which way to go, which house to buy, or which college to attend. We are eager to be given the answer; however, before we can jump into practical decision-making, it is necessary that we lay a theological foundation. While God’s word can practically guide us, God intends his word to do something far more profound.

In Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis paints a powerful word picture:

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.4

People are drawn to books that address their problem, their proverbial leaky faucet. While I do hope that this book will address that leaky faucet of yours, I also expect that it will knock down a few walls and change your design-making blueprint. Before we can get to practical decision-making, we should address existing frameworks, potentially razing them that we might raise up a biblically and theologically informed framework. Questions for further discussion are included in the back of the book. Whether you are working through this book alone, with a mentor, or with a group of trusted friends, these questions are intended to help you reflect upon, synthesize, and apply the principles we will learn.

In chapters 1 and 2 we will explore God’s design in creating human beings as decision makers. We will learn the great responsibility and privilege entrusted to us as we sift through what choices and consequences mean in light of the cross. We will also wrestle through the apparent contradictions between God’s sovereignty and man’s responsibility. Most significantly, we will stand at the foot of the cross to be reminded that God views us through the faithful decisions of Christ even amid our failures and shortcomings (2 Cor. 5:21).

In chapters 3 and 4 we will unpack various concepts of God’s will and discover the distinction between his hidden will and his revealed will. Once we get our biblical bearings, we will address common approaches to making decisions and the dashboards we consult in making decisions. In chapters 5 and 6 we will familiarize ourselves with tools that God provides as we prepare for and make decisions. Finally, in chapter 7, we will address the regret, fear, and pride that often await us after decisions have been made. The same God who offers us wisdom in making decisions also secures peace for us on the other side of decision-making.

I wish we could sit down over coffee to discuss the dilemma or decision you face. It would be an honor and a privilege to hear your story and learn about the various decisions that may have led you to this book. Alas, by its limited nature, a book on decision-making in general may fail to address “the holy particularity of the soul in need.”5 However, I have been expectantly praying that God would use this little book as a pointer to Christ, the one who meets the needs of his creation with his abundant wisdom and love. I am asking that the same Lord who brings order out of chaos might begin to part the clouds that confuse the decision-making process. I have confidence that the clarity of his word and the absolute nature of his character will demystify the process and lead you into the freedom and privilege of making decisions as his image bearers on this earth.

1

The Drama of Decisions

Decision-making is often dramatic, even for undramatic people. Think about the last show you binge-watched or the latest novel you stayed up late to finish. Chances are you were gripped by the drama of a decision faced by one of the characters. The Mandalorian decides between bounty hunting and rescuing the Child, Josephine March waffles between love and independence, and Katniss Everdeen vacillates between Peeta or Gale. In all ages and places, people (real and imagined) choose what they believe is best based on a myriad of factors. In order to understand the way we make decisions today, let’s take a moment to survey decision-making throughout human history.

Decision-Making throughout History

From the beginning of recorded history, people have wrestled with the decisions of their lives. For centuries, people based their decision-making on a desire to discern the will of the gods. Decision-making began with the presupposition that the gods were interested in what people did and demanded to be pleased, or at least appeased, by human choices. Even a cursory reading of ancient Greek and Roman mythology reveals the deep human desire to discern what might please the fickle gods. Humans cowered in fear or relied on cunning and trickery to stay away from the wrath of their pantheon of gods and goddesses, each of whom operated out of their own whims. Their gods were moving targets, which left them uneasy when making decisions. Imagine never knowing whether your choice of a spouse would result in blessing or a lethal firebolt from Mount Olympus! As a result, humans resorted to divination: strange and diverse methods of attempting to discern the will of their gods.

Divination

Many pagan cultures practiced hepatoscopy, which was the study of the liver. To our modern minds, the liver sounds like a strange place to start; however, they believed the liver, the heaviest organ, housed memory and intelligence. Thus it made logical sense to them that if the gods wanted to reveal themselves to them, they would do so through the liver.

Another pagan ritual to discern the will of the gods was called “rhabdomancy.” In this method people used arrows to help determine what the gods willed. Supposedly, the flight of the arrow and its landing place provided direction in decisions. Other methods for divination included the use of household idols called “teraphim” as well as palm reading and astrology.1

Twenty-First-Century Divination

While those methods sound rudimentary and strange to our ears, it’s helpful to consider some of our own postmodern attempts to understand what God wants for our decisions. Some people still dabble in astrology, horoscopes, and fortune-telling when considering major life decisions today. In fact, upon moving to Southern California from the Southeast, I was shocked at how many of my new neighbors mentioned their astrological symbols as significant factors in their decisions. In conversations, a friend would casually say, “I am a Pisces, so I love the beach,” or, “My horoscope mentioned that good things were coming my way this month.” I did my best to stifle my shock, as I had wrongly thought palm readers and tarot cards were mostly artifacts or the stuff of movies. The number of New Age shops advertising these services within a 10-mile radius of my home tells me otherwise.

Astrology and other New Age aids in decision-making are somewhat right in lifting hungry, searching eyes up to the skies; however, they stop short by looking at the canvas of creation rather than looking further back to the knowable Creator. The further our postmodern culture pushes back from its Judeo-Christian roots, the more people grasp for ancient avenues for divine help and direction. As Solomon insightfully wrote in Ecclesiastes 3:11, God “has put eternity into man’s heart.” Try as we might to exclude God from the picture, he keeps finding his way back into our hearts because they were made for eternity.

Even within the Christian faith, many believers fall back upon ancient methods for discerning God’s will, begging for signs of God’s direction in big decisions. Believers do this partly because they do not understand the nature of God and his means of revealing his will.

Reason Alone

Most people believe that God has nothing to do with our lives and choices at all. As those born after the age of reason, many twenty-first-century minds approach decision-making as if it were an entirely rational process. If we were to assign the rational approach a representative symbol, it would likely be a list of pros and cons. While a well-thought-out list of pros and cons provides helpful perspective in making decisions, reason alone addresses only one aspect of humanity. It raises the mind over and against the will and the body, pressing significant God-given parts of our lives out of the process.

We have been deeply marked by Enlightenment ideals. Our overestimation of the human capacity to reason pushes God to the periphery. Some of us seem to have forgotten that decision-making began from a deep desire to understand God’s will.

Follow Your Heart

Chances are that most of your neighbors are neither mystics nor rationalists. Chances are that most of them ascribe to some version of the popular modern mantra, “Follow your heart.” According to this prevalent perspective, whatever feels right, looks good, or seems best