Don't Bring It to Work E-Book

Sylvia Lafair

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 406

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2009

Beschreibung

How can you get to the bottom of workplace behaviors that simply don't work for you or your organization? Don't Bring It to Work explores what happens when patterns originally created to cope with family conflicts are unleashed in the workplace.?This groundbreaking book draws on the success of Sylvia Lafair's PatternAware program Total Leadership Connections. Throughout the book she shows how to break the cycle of pattern repetition and offers the tools that can turn unhealthy family baggage into creative energy that will foster better workplace associations and career success. Lafair identifies the thirteen most common patterns that correspond to characters familiar to anyone who has ever worked in an office: Super Achiever, Rebel, Persecutor, Victim, Rescuer, Clown, Martyr, Splitter, Procrastinator, Drama Queen or King, Pleaser, Denier, and Avoider. To help overcome destructive behavior problems, she maps out the three main steps for becoming aware of patterns and finding the way OUT: * Observe your behavior to discern underlying patterns * Understand and probe deeper to discover the origins of these patterns * Transform your behavior by taking action to change The book includes a wealth of real-life anecdotes and practical, workbook-style exercises that clearly show how anyone can get beyond old, outmoded attempts at conflict resolution and empower themselves to make profound differences both at work and in their personal lives.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Praise

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Epigraph

Introduction

UNCOVERING THE CONNECTIONS

BREAKING FREE

PART ONE - THE HOME-WORK CONNECTION

CHAPTER ONE - RELATIONSHIPS AT WORK AND AT HOME

A WORKPLACE SYSTEM THAT WASN’T WORKING

NOT YOU AND ME AND HE AND SHE, BUT WE

FAMILIES AS SYSTEMS

GETTING BACK TO WORK

THE PATH TO CHANGE

TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTER TWO - UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOR AT WORK AND AT HOME

FAMILY ROLES

ROLE PLAYING IN THE WORKPLACE

RELIVING AND MENDING OUR PATTERNS

DON’T BRING IT TO WORK

TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTER THREE - UNDERSTANDING WORKPLACE CRISES AND CONFLICTS

UNIVERSAL CONFLICT

IMMEDIATE CONFLICT

CRISIS FLARE-UPS

FESTERING CONFLICT

FAILURE OF HR INTERVENTIONS

TAKEAWAYS

PART TWO - THE WAY OUT

CHAPTER FOUR - THE THIRTEEN MOST COMMON DESTRUCTIVE PATTERNS IN THE WORK PLACE

CHARTING THE MOST COMMON PATTERNS

IDENTIFYING YOUR OWN PATTERNS

TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTER FIVE - GOING DEEP Exploring the History of Your Family Patterns

THE IMPORTANCE OF HISTORICAL EXPLORATION

THE WORLD OF SANKOFA

TAKEAWAYS

PART THREE - A NEW ME, A NEW YOU, A NEW ORGANIZATION

CHAPTER SIX - DEFINING A MORE AUTHENTIC YOU AT WORK

PERSONAL GROWTH: BECOMING WHAT YOU ALREADY ARE

BEGINNING YOUR TRANSFORMATION

CREATING AN ACTION PLAN

TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTER SEVEN - TALKING TOGETHER

FOUR GROUND RULES

LISTENING FOR VERBAL CUES

CHANGING CONVERSATIONS WITH ACTIVE AND EMPATHIC LISTENING

THE MARTYR REVEALED AND THEN TRANSFORMED

THE IMPORTANCE OF SYSTEMS THINKING IN THE WORKPLACE

PATTERN-AWARE LEARNING

TAKEAWAYS

CHAPTER EIGHT - CONNECTING THE DOTS

TAPPING INTO TEAM POWER

MEETINGS OF THE MINDS

WORKING IN THE “UGLY MIDDLE” OF THE CHANGE PROCESS

DEFINING BOUNDARIES

THE TENSION OF CHANGE

TAKEAWAYS

APPENDIX

NOTES

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

INDEX

More praise forDon’t Bring It to Work

“I always thought people chose to be the way they are. Sylvia’s teaching, now available in this book, showed me a whole new perspective on how my family patterns were bearing upon my interaction with others. Using her framework, I have broken through to new levels of patience and understanding in crucial relationships including my mother, fellow executives, and even my kids.”

—Andrew Cornell, CEO, Cornell Iron Works, Inc.

“Wonderful insights for anyone who manages a business, works in a business, or leads a business. Read it now!”

—Michael E. Gerber, author of the E-Myth books; founder of E-Myth Worldwide and The Dreaming Room LLC

“Sylvia Lafair’s book brings a rare view of ‘systems’ and ‘systems thinking’ that is helpful to individuals and families, as well as businesspeople working to build appreciation, cohesion, and success.”

—Frances Hesselbein, chairman and founding president, Leader to Leader Institute

“Dr. Sylvia Lafair has written a superb book on working relationships that should be on every executive’s desk and used by anyone who is in the business of depending on efficient teamwork for productivity. Her reflections on how our family systems can sabotage our working lives are brilliant and totally applicable in practical terms. This book is a must-read for all business programs, regardless of how large or small.”

—Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of Mending the Broken Bond

“Through Sylvia Lafair’s astute work, you will see yourself, yourco-workers, and your family dynamics in an entirely new light.More importantly, this will help you change the patterns thathave been keeping you from reaching your highest potential.This ranks with the best business and psychology books on themarket; not only is it insightful and practical—it’s a great read!”

—Anita Sharpe, CEO and founder of GeniusSuite; Pulitzer Prize-winning writer at the Wall Street Journal

“A phenomenal book! Sylvia’s insights, experience, and brilliant communication style make her one of the leading experts in this field. I have had the honor of working with Sylvia over many years and can attest to the power of her methods in transforming negative patterns into positive behaviors. This really works!”

—Eslie Dennis, MD, vice president, Medical Head Northeast, Novartis Pharmaceuticals Corporation

“Most educators feel they are standing sentry over a system under siege on all fronts. It’s exhausting! Sylvia Lafair shows us effective ways to make change happen. This seminal book provides me the Holy Grail to forge a strong team on behalf of our mission to prepare children for the future. I’ve been waiting for this for 35 years.”

—Linda C. Brewer, EdD, superintendent, Derry Township School District

“Sylvia takes a highly personalized approach to leadership development. She helps each person become more aware of their personal styles and their possible origins, and raises behavior patterns to a conscious level. From awareness comes change. I found great value in applying these lessons both at work and at home to successfully balance demanding jobs, motherhood, and a two-career marriage.”

—Nancy Singer, senior director, Global Sales and Marketing Leadership Development, Merck & Co., Inc.

“This book brings a new way of doing business. It changed the way we run our company and the results are significant. This sentence says it all: ‘It is time to get out of the sandbox of childhood and gain a deeper knowledge of the fact that we are all connected and no one wins unless we all do.’ This book is a ‘must-have’ for supervisors all the way up to the executives of the company.”

—Yvonne Cangelosi, executive vice president, SPEX CertiPrep, Inc.

“Amazing! Sylvia Lafair tells us what every successful person already knows: that business and personal lives can never be totally separate. She destroys this myth and gives us the tools to bring people together to build great companies and deliver bottom-line results. Groundbreaking work!”

—Richard Harris, CEO, Spa Sydell

“Sylvia Lafair’s life work is helping people reach their potential. Like many brilliant ideas, the pattern recognition process described in Don’t Bring It to Work seems obvious in hindsight. Its power is the power to transform not just life in the workplace, but the total quality of human life. Vital for those working in a family business.”

—Edwin Neill III, president, Neill Corporation

“Dr. Lafair is on to something that will totally change how you see yourself and others in the workplace. The PatternAware Leadership Model helps people recognize and address their core issues. This is so much more than ‘dress for success’ advice. Buy it, read it, apply it! It will transform you and your relationships.”

—Dorene E. McCourt, vice president, Product Development & Management, MedImpact Healthcare Systems, Inc.

“Don’t Bring It to Work is a wonderful tool for anyone wishing to make their work environment more successful. It addresses the baggage that we all bring to the workplace and gives wonderful revelations as to how to move forward from this and build on our strengths. It is about leadership of the highest level.”

—Carole Haas Gravagno, board member, Philadelphia Orchestra

“This book distills various behavior patterns at work and helps you identify negative patterns, and then takes you through personal transformation. Every leader and manager should read this book. Wow! It’s wonderful!”

—Nancy Duarte, CEO, Duarte Design; author of slide:ology

“This is an incisive exploration of the limiting patterns that hold us captive and sabotage our efforts to be effective leaders in our organizations. Sylvia Lafair’s call is simple and practical as she sets out to offer her readers clear steps to unravel their past and transform limiting habits into pathways of success and well-being in our organizations. I highly recommend this book.”

—Amber Chand, founder, The Amber Chand Collection: Global Gifts for Peace & Understanding

“This book offers keen insights into how individuals process information and guides leaders in helping employees at every level become the best they can be. It is amazing how quickly conflicts can be resolved when we understand the meta-messages that lie at the core of most communication. It should be required reading for all leaders and leaders-in-training.”

—Lynn Rolston, CEO, California Pharmacists Association

“This engaging book has a powerful core message. We’re bringing family dynamics—from childhood and even from our parents’ childhoods—to work, and the results are not pretty. Packed with stories of workplace dynamics gone awry—and then, amazingly enough, transformed by Lafair’s compassionate approach—the book is immensely readable. You will be motivated to create change for the better.”

—Amy Edmondson, Novartis Professor of Leadership and Management, Harvard Business School, Harvard University

Copyright © 2009 by Sylvia Lafair. All rights reserved.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Lafair, Sylvia, 1940 Don’t bring it to work : breaking the family patterns that limit success/Sylvia Lafair. p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

eISBN : 978-0-470-49673-2

1. Organizational behavior. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Conflict management.

4. Work and family. I. Title.

HD58.7.L32 2009

650.1—dc22

2008046855

HB Printing

For my daughters,Mikayla and Julie,bright lights of truth and integrity,and, of course,For Herb, my strong-willed and gentle husband

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Writing this book has been such a delight. It has been bubbling up for so many years, and it took that fateful call from my agent, Lorin Rees, who asked, “Have you ever considered putting your thoughts in book form?” to get me moving at warp speed. Thanks, Lorin, for being with me through the process.

Of course, thank you to my staff, Mary Jane Saras, Jane Evans, Lorraine Dachiel, and Shirley Sabol, who are always willing to point out and take ownership of personal patterns, the good, bad, ugly, and beautiful. What a joy to celebrate the roller coaster of life with each of you.

Our facilitators are the brave souls willing to dive deep into the core of humanness in the world of work. My thanks to Dianne Moore, with us from the beginning, always ready to take on a challenge, and to Nancy Pennebaker, John Meade, Jocelyn Goss, Connie Pheiff, Bill Drexler, Mary Wilson, Bob Roberts, Catherine Afeku, and Ben Baker for hearing the call to adventure.

Our workplace colleagues have been true pioneers, exploring the complex interface between individual contribution and collaborative efforts, between self and others, and how to find the “sweet spot” for extraordinary work relationships. It hasn’t always been easy to move out of old, patterned mind-sets, yet their tenaciousness shines through. Thanks to Marty Minniti and Matt Emmens who were the first to open doors to exploring the depth of emotions that reside in the workplace. To Brian Keefe, Kathleen Belknap, Eslie Dennis, John Rex, Denise Fantuzzi, Joanne Manidis, Richard Harris, Andrew Cornell, Mats Parup, Edwin Neill, Debra Neill, Joanne LaMarca, Tyler Mathisen, Nancy Singer, Yvonne Cangelosi, Denise McNerary, Carole Gravagno, Arsalan and Arezo Hafezi, Dorene McCourt, Charlie Leing, Maria Koehler, Chester Yuan, Kathy O’Neill, Mary Vidarte, John Rooney, Billy Turner, and all the rest through the years who have dared to do it differently, thank you for giving your best. And a special thanks to Lynn Rolston, my fellow daredevil, always saying, “What if we . . .”

To the Jossey-Bass organization with its great team headed by Susan Williams, and everyone else who helped shape a bunch of words into that magical concoction called a book, thanks, and let’s do it again!

To Barbara Monteiro, a superb publicist who knows how to take complex thoughts and distill them down to essence, always with a tinge of whimsy.

To the memory of Willis Harman, who kept turning me toward the workplace as the arena where real and sustainable societal change was ready to happen.

And to family, where it all begins. My love of words from my mother and my questioning of philosophy from my father are there in my writing. My yearning to go beyond the obvious comes from my older brother Jerry, who always challenged me to see the bigger picture even when I just wanted to be with the “in group.” And again to Mikayla, Julie, and Mark, and those great grandkiddies, Arielle and Dylan, who are the future in present form. And to Herb, always encouraging and loving, we sure have lived a lot of life together. Thanks.

We carry our ancestors in our hearts, and sometimes on our backs.

—AUSTRALIAN ABORIGINE SAYING

INTRODUCTION

Jeanette Walters, a senior financial analyst, was an annoying person. Not just a little annoying; very annoying. She wore bright red lipstick and interrupted everyone. She answered every question whether she knew anything about the subject or not. She took up so much airtime that the rest of her group was suffocating. “Jeanette just doesn’t get it,” her boss said. “Sure, she’s highly accomplished and has amazing skills. But her coworkers would love to stuff a sock in that big, red-lipped mouth. Frankly, I would too.”

Every workplace has a Jeanette, or some version of her. That guy on your team who never stops complaining. The hotshot executive who steamrollers others with his ideas and never listens to people. The coworker in the next cubicle you can hear on the phone all day, spreading gossip and rumors. The board member who always challenges yet never adds anything useful.

In fact, haven’t you found that just about everyone at work makes you want to stuff a sock in his or her mouth at one time or another?

Such frustrations are understandable. But what most of us, including Jeanette’s boss, never really “get” is why people behave the way they do, and what can be done about it. The problem isn’t always other people’s behavior, either. How many times have you regretted something you said or did at work and thought, “Why do I always do that?”