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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Ratgeber
- Sprache: Englisch
Transform the way you see the world and the way the world sees you by effectively managing your emotions
The happiest and most fulfilled people are not always the cleverest or most talented, skilled, or educated among us. Instead, those who can effectively manage feelings—their own and those of the people around them—frequently wear that crown. And now more than ever, emotional intelligence is the trait you need to develop to unlock your true potential.
In the newly revised second edition of Emotional Intelligence, bestselling author of the Mindfulness Pocketbook and career coach, Gill Hasson, delivers yet another insightful roadmap to navigating and harnessing your emotions. You'll learn to boost your productivity, happiness, calm, and confidence as the author explains the startlingly straightforward fundamentals of our feelings. You'll also discover how to boost your “EQ” (emotional intelligence quotient) to improve your personal and work lives, manage conflict, understand office politics, deal with bullying, and more.
Emotional Intelligence walks you through how to:
- Manage anxiety and stress so they don't overwhelm you at work or at home
- Express yourself and your desires clearly and simply so you can get more of what you want
- Be more assertive so you can protect yourself and those you care about from mistreatment
Emotional Intelligence remains the gold standard in effective, self-guided resources for improving your mental health and your life.
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Seitenzahl: 227
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
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Table of Contents
Cover
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Introduction
What is emotional intelligence?
Understanding emotions
Managing emotions
Why emotional intelligence matters
Emotional intelligence at work
PART ONE: Understanding Emotions
1 What Emotions Are and Why We Have Them
What are emotions?
The science of emotions
Intuition
The function of emotions
Positive and negative emotions: why are some emotions ‘good’ and others are ‘bad’?
Key points
2 Identifying and Understanding Emotions
Can single words describe emotions?
Identifying emotions – other people’s
Emotions are complex
Categorising emotions as a way to help us identify and understand them
Key points
3 Managing Your Emotions
Take responsibility for your emotions
A range of strategies to manage your behaviour
Managing other people’s emotions
Key points
PART TWO: Managing Emotions
4 Managing Emotions with Better Communication
Managing other people’s feelings and emotions
Intuition
Combination of nonverbal signals
Cultural differences
Develop your observational skills
Managing your own emotions using nonverbal communication
The effects of posture on confidence
Verbal communication
Key points
5 Being Assertive
Aggressive behaviour
Passive behaviour
Passive aggressive
When not being assertive is and is not ok
What makes it difficult to be assertive?
How to be assertive: think before you say anything
How to be assertive: say it
How to say what you do
not
want: the key points
How to say what you
do
want: the key points
Other things to consider when being assertive
Say no without lots of excuses and apologies
Remember: you don’t have to be assertive – it’s a choice
Key points
6 Positive Thinking
Self-talk
How to become a positive thinker
An experience of keeping a thought diary
Beliefs and thoughts
Train your brain to think positively
Flow activities
Where to find flow
Key points
PART THREE: Putting It into Practice
7 Manage Worry and Anxiety
What is anxiety?
Manage the physical feelings
Manage your thoughts – think positive
Learn from experience
Manage your behaviour
Communicate: talk about it
Managing other people’s anxiety: how can you help?
Be assertive: set limits, negotiate and compromise
Key points
8 Managing Anger
What is anger?
How to manage anger
Managing someone else’s anger
Key points
9 Understanding and Managing Disappointment
What is disappointment?
Manage disappointment
Acknowledge what you are feeling and take your time
Be assertive with yourself: move on
How to manage someone else’s disappointment
Key Points
10 Understanding and Managing Bullying
Identifying and understanding bullying
The science
How to manage a bully
Why don’t other people help?
Be assertive with yourself
Help someone who is being bullied
Key points
11 Motivating and Inspiring People
Motivating other people
Inspiring other people
Key points
About the Author
Index
End User License Agreement
Guide
Cover
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Introduction
Begin Reading
About the Author
Index
End User License Agreement
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Emotional Intelligence
Managing emotions to make a positive impact on your life
Second Edition
Gill Hasson
This edition first published 2025
© 2025 by Gill Hasson
Edition History
First edition copyright © 2014 by Gill Hasson.
All rights reserved, including rights for text and data mining and training of artificial technologies or similar technologies. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, except as permitted by law. Advice on how to obtain permission to reuse material from this title is available at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.
The right of Gill Hasson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with law.
Registered Office(s)
John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, USA
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Trademarks: Wiley and the Wiley logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and/or its affiliates in the United States and other countries and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. John Wiley & Sons, Inc. is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.
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While the publisher and authors have used their best efforts in preparing this work, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this work and specifically disclaim all warranties, including without limitation any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives, written sales materials or promotional statements for this work. This work is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a specialist where appropriate. The fact that an organization, website, or product is referred to in this work as a citation and/or potential source of further information does not mean that the publisher and authors endorse the information or services the organization, website, or product may provide or recommendations it may make. Further, readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read. Neither the publisher nor authors shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
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For Alba, Oscar, Robin and Jacob.
Introduction
What is emotional intelligence?
What is emotional intelligence? It’s being intelligent with your emotions.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to both understand and manage emotions.
It’s using your emotions to inform your thinking and using your thinking to understand and manage emotions.
Although regular intelligence – the ability to reason, rationalise, analyse and so on – is important in life, emotional intelligence is the key to thinking clearly and creatively, to being able to manage stress and challenges confidently and relate well to others.
In this book you will learn how to understand and manage your emotions – your own and other people’s – in a way that is helpful and can make a real, positive difference to your life.
Understanding emotions
Emotions are part of being human. Whether we’re aware of them or not, emotions are a constant presence in our lives, influencing everything we do. Emotions are the glue that connects us to other people and gives meaning to our lives.
Emotions cause us to feel, think and act in different ways in different situations. But emotions can be complicated. This can make them hard to understand; difficult to make sense of and take meaning from.
Understanding emotions involves:
recognising and understanding the three aspects of emotions – physical states, thoughts and actions – and how they interact;
being aware of the differences, transition, variations and degrees of intensity between emotions;
understanding what, how and why you and other people experience certain emotions in certain situations.
Chapter 1 starts you on the road to understanding emotions by looking at the nature of emotions – the inherent aspects of emotions: what all emotions have got in common.
You will see that emotions are made up of three parts: thoughts, physical feelings and behaviour. Any one part of an emotion can trigger and influence another part.
Take, for example, anxiety. Supposing you were anxious about an exam, an interview or a social occasion. Anxiety might start with a thought (‘I’m dreading this’), which might trigger physical feelings (stomach turns over, tense muscles, dry mouth) and then behaviour (unable to sit still or relax).
But your anxiety could start with the physical feeling of dread (stomach turning over, etc.), which reminds you of and makes you think about the upcoming exam or social event (‘I’m dreading this’), which results in the behaviour of pacing up and down. And, of course, the anxiety could start with the inability to relax which triggers the physical feelings and the thoughts that go with them.
No wonder we so often struggle to understand and manage emotions! Although we do see some emotions as positive, there are plenty of other emotions that we regard as ‘negative’ or ‘wrong’.
However, as you develop your understanding of what, exactly, emotions are and why we have them, you will see that judging emotions as ‘positive’ or ‘negative’, ‘good’ or ‘bad’ isn’t very helpful.
The fact is, all emotions have a positive purpose – to keep you safe, to help you make decisions, to develop and maintain social bonds, to experience happiness and creative processes. You can read more about the positive intent of emotions in Chapter 1.
Chapter 2 helps further your understanding by looking at specific emotions; their levels of intensity, the differences and similarities between them and the relationships between them.
Understanding, for example, what envy and jealousy are: envy is wanting to have something that someone else has got – to feel envy when someone you know gets a promotion. Jealousy on the other hand, is a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that you think you more rightfully deserve: feeling jealous of a promotion that you feel youshould have received instead of the other person. Knowing the difference between those two emotions can help you have a clearer picture of what you’re feeling and why.
You will learn that disentangling what triggers an emotion from the thoughts, feelings and behaviour that are part of it can also help you to understand the emotion – and see it as ‘just emotion’, rather than getting caught up and overwhelmed by it.
Of course, although we all feel and experience emotions, an important part of emotional intelligence is understanding and accepting that emotions are experienced differently by different people. Not only that, different people have different ideas and beliefs about emotions – their purpose and intent and how to respond to them.
Understanding this helps you to start managing other people and their emotions more effectively.
Managing emotions
Once you have a clearer understanding of the nature and purpose of emotions, you are in a better position to manage them.
In Chapter 3 you will learn that managing emotions means drawing on emotions to inform your thinking, reasoning and behaviour.
Managing emotions includes the following:
Knowing when to respond immediately and when to stop and think.
Knowing when to rein in your emotions; when to engage or detach from an emotion.
Knowing what is, in any one situation, an appropriate and inappropriate expression of emotion – in yourself and in other people.
Being able to manage other people’s emotions.
Knowing how to draw on emotions to develop empathy and rapport with others.
People with good levels of emotional intelligence know that managing emotions does not mean controlling them; it doesn’t involve dominating or suppressing emotions. Instead, managing emotions involves being flexible with your thinking, behaviour and responses; being able to stay open to feelings, both those that are pleasant and those that are unpleasant.
And because we all experience and respond to emotions in different ways, Chapter 3 suggests a range of strategies and responses to manage emotions, other people, events and situations. The emphasis is on identifying ways that work for you, personally, to manage emotions and the thoughts, feelings and behaviour that go with them.
By the end of Part 1, you will have understood, then, that emotional intelligence involves both understanding and managing emotions – yours and other people’s.
It’s a dynamic process; the extent to which you can understand and manage your own emotions influences your ability to understand and manage other people’s emotions. And vice versa.
However, emotional intelligence is not limited to specific strategies to manage specific emotions, people and situations. There is further scope for you to understand and manage emotions – yours and other people’s.
Communication skills, assertiveness, a positive approach and an optimistic outlook are key features of emotional intelligence.
In Part 2 we start by looking at how you can develop your emotional intelligence by developing your communication skills.
You will learn that good communication is an inherent part – a permanent and inseparable element – of emotional intelligence. How come?
Communication between people involves expressing thoughts, ideas, opinions, feelings and emotions. It involves making sense and meaning; understanding each other, what we each think and feel. And we all know how hard that can often be!
Chapter 4 will help you become a better communicator – it will give you insights, ideas and plenty of tips and techniques on how to ‘read between the lines’ and get a better understanding of what others are thinking and feeling.
It’s not difficult – you simply draw on the natural ability we all already have to understand someone else’s experience, their point of view, their thoughts and feelings. Even when their experience, perspective and feelings differ from your own.
This ability is called empathy. And while we all have the ability to empathise, it’s an ability that can be improved in easy, straightforward ways. How? Simply by observing, listening and asking questions.
How, though, you might ask, can you better express your thoughts, opinions, feelings and emotions? By knowing how to assert yourself. Again, assertiveness is an integral part of emotional intelligence. Chapter 5 explains that just as emotional intelligence involves being able to understand and manage your feelings, so does being assertive.
Assertiveness calls for you to express thoughts, opinions and feelings in direct, honest and appropriate ways while at the same time taking into consideration the other person’s opinions, feelings and needs.
Again, this chapter has plenty of advice and easy to follow techniques that you can use to help you to be more assertive. Don’t worry if the thought of saying what you feel, think, want and don’t want makes you anxious; I encourage you to start small and explain how you can practise being assertive in low-stakes situations. Once you feel comfortable in these low-risk situations, you will feel more confident to move on to other issues and situations, little by little.
And as your confidence improves, so will your emotional intelligence.
Good emotional intelligence, like all skills, is also helped if supported with a confident, positive approach and attitude. Having a positive outlook does not mean ignoring or suppressing difficult emotions or ignoring the challenging aspects of life. Chapter 6 explains that positive thinking allows you to approach difficult emotions and situations in an appropriate, helpful way.
With a positive approach, you acknowledge feelings such as jealousy, disappointment, guilt and so on, but rather than let them drag you down into a spiral of negative thinking, you know that these emotions have positive intentions. You know that events, other people, yourself and your emotions can be better managed with a positive attitude.
In fact, you even find that as a result of a positive mindset difficult emotions like regret, irritation, frustration and disappointment are less intense and make fewer appearances! You see life as filled with possibilities and solutions instead of worries and difficulties.
In Part 3, we turn to specific situations where emotional intelligence can make a big difference to the outcome.
These situations include occasions when you experience and need to manage anxiety, anger or disappointment. I also explain how to manage and support someone else who is struggling with these feelings.
You will get a better understanding of emotions such as anxiety and worry, disappointment and anger. You’ll notice that the same features of emotional intelligence – assertive communication and positive thinking – arise throughout.
Often, difficult emotions are managed by sticking with one emotional response, whatever the situation is.
However, our emotions control us when we assume there’s only one way to react. You will see we have a choice – we can identify and use strategies that work for each one of us according to the situation, other people and so on.
Emotional intelligence is not only about understanding and managing difficult emotions. The last chapter of this book focuses on engaging the ‘feel good’ emotions that motivate and inspire people.
When there’s a specific goal that you want someone to achieve – or they themselves want to achieve – you need to motivate them. Motivation is what prompts and drives us to do and achieve something.
When you want to spark and enthuse someone to do something, you need to inspire them. Inspiration is what fills a person with an animating, exciting influence.
Whether you want to motivate or inspire, the emphasis is on engaging their heads and their hearts; their logic, reasoning, imaginations and emotions. Chapter 11 explains how to do this.
Why emotional intelligence matters
Understanding and managing others’ emotions is essential to your social wellbeing; your interactions and relationships with other people. The ability to pick up on and respond to others’ emotions in appropriate ways can help you to live and work with others more easily.
Understanding and managing your own emotions is essential to your personal wellbeing; your mental and physical health.
It’s easy for many of us, with so many competing demands and commitments, to feel overwhelmed with life; to spin into confusion, isolation and negativity. Improve your emotional intelligence and you improve your ability to understand and manage your emotions. You can think more clearly and creatively; manage stress and challenges, communicate more easily with others; and display trust, empathy and confidence.
Better emotional intelligence – understanding and managing emotions – can help you to lead a happier life because acting rationally and calmly in difficult situations can, in time, become second nature.
You will be in a better position to handle a range of circumstances, events and other people that in the past you’ve found difficult or stressful.
By understanding your emotions and how to manage them, you’re better able to express how you feel, what you want and don’t want, while at the same time acknowledging and understanding how others may be feeling. This allows you to communicate more effectively; to talk with and understand others and forge stronger relationships, both in your personal life and at work.
Emotional intelligence at work
You’ve probably noticed that it’s not the smartest people that are the most successful or the most fulfilled in life. You’ve probably noticed that being clever, talented or skilled is not enough. How well you do in your career may well depend on how well you get on with your colleagues, manager and clients.
Experience or qualifications might get you the job, but it’s your ability to manage other people and your interactions with them that will keep you there and enable you to enjoy and progress in your work.
Emotional intelligence can help you manage office politics and navigate the social complexities of the workplace. And when you’ve cracked that nut, you’re well positioned to manage a range of social situations!
Be patient with yourself as you learn to improve your emotional intelligence. As you read this book, simply pick out a few ideas, tips and techniques that appeal to you and try them out. Be prepared to take a few risks. If, despite your efforts and best intentions, a situation doesn’t turn out as you had hoped, reflect on how you could respond differently in a similar situation next time.
That’s being emotionally intelligent!
PART ONEUnderstanding Emotions
1What Emotions Are and Why We Have Them
Emotions are what move us. Emotions are a driving force. In any one day, a range of emotions can take you on a rollercoaster that brings you up and then takes you down.
You know how it is: in the morning a project is cancelled despite all the work you put into it. You feel frustrated and angry. But then a friend phones with some good news. You’re delighted. There’s a long queue for lunch. More frustration. Back at work you’re told that the project is back on after all. Joy! Then your brother phones to say he and his wife have separated. You’re sad and disappointed. A colleague announces she’s got a promotion (you are envious and regret that you didn’t apply for the job). But your son texts to say he got a part in the school play. You’re pleased and happy.
The emotional rollercoaster takes you up high where the view is great but then it suddenly plunges you down, turning you upside down and rolling you around, before taking you up on a high again.
Nothing vivifies and nothing kills like the emotions.
Joseph Roux
What are emotions?
Emotions are an important part of being human; emotions cause us to feel, think and act in different ways – to do something or avoid doing something.
Emotions are complex reactions that engage our bodies and minds; they play an important role in how we think, feel and behave. In fact, any one emotion can be made up of thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Let’s look at each of those aspects more closely.
Behavioural aspects
The behavioural aspect of an emotion is the most obvious, observable aspect. The behavioural aspects are concerned with how we respond to a situation; what we do or don’t do, what actions we do or don’t take. You can actually see the effect of the emotion in another person; you might, for example, see someone who is anxious wring and rub their hands. Someone else might tap their foot when irritated or impatient. Some of us bang the table with our fist when we are angry. Some people jump up and down when they are excited; when, for example, their team is winning.
Physical aspects
These are the physical changes: the internal bodily changes you experience – for example, increased heart rate, feeling queasy – when you experience an emotion.
When an emotion occurs, particularly a strong basic emotion like fear or anger, chemicals – hormones – secreted by the body’s various glands are activated and spread to other parts of the body.
Your body’s muscles, circulatory system, digestive system and organs such as your heart and liver shift from their normal level or function due to the effects of chemical and neural action.
Some of these physical responses can be observed, such as the constriction or dilation of the iris of your eyes, sweating and blushing. Other responses are relatively hidden, such as an increased heart rate, stomach activity and an increase or decrease in saliva.
Interestingly, some very different emotions provoke the same physical response. For example, excitement and anxiety can have the same sensations, such as rapid breathing and a pounding heart. In that case, what determines whether what you feel is happy or anxious? Your thoughts.
Cognitive aspects of emotions
Your thoughts – ideas, beliefs and mental images – are also part of an emotion.
For example, supposing you had an important interview, presentation or meeting tomorrow. Your thoughts might include: ‘I don’t know if I can do this – I might dry up and forget what to say.’ You might get butterflies in your stomach; your heart rate increases and you start feeling hot.
In some ways, emotions are your thoughts felt physically; your thoughts can lead to a physical change.
Most women who have breastfed their child will tell you that they only had to think of their baby and they could feel milk come into their breasts. You don’t, though, have to be nursing a baby to experience similar effects.
