Family Discipleship E-Book

Matt Chandler

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

The most important disciple a parent will make is within their own home, and yet this is the most difficult disciple to make. Family Discipleship by Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin helps readers develop a sustainable rhythm of gospel-centered discipleship through a guided framework focusing on moments of discipleship in 3 key areas: time (intentional time gathering your family around gospel activities or conversations), moments (leveraging opportunities throughout the day), and milestones (celebrating significant life events). Each section provides parents with Scriptures to consider, questions to answer, structures to implement, and ideas to try out as they seek to see Christ formed in their children. Here is a book that begins with the end in mind, offering ideas and examples of what gospel-centered family discipleship looks like, helping parents design their own discipleship plan as they seek to raise children in the love and fear of the Lord.

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“What an insightful, helpful book! I love the fresh yet thoroughly biblical approach to family discipleship. The emphasis on discipling your family through time (daily, ongoing practices), moments (unplanned, spontaneous occasions), and milestones (special events) will enable you to see more clearly how to bring the gospel into all of life. I’ve never read a book on this subject with so many practical suggestions for bringing a Christian influence on your children from their birth to the end of their days (and long after you are in heaven). Begin reading this book and I think you’ll find, like I did, that it starts strong and gets better with every chapter.”

Donald S. Whitney, Professor of Biblical Spirituality and Associate Dean, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; author, Family Worship; Praying the Bible; and Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life

“If you are a flawed parent who doesn’t have it all together, but believes that God desires to use you to shape your kids toward knowing and enjoying Jesus, pick up Family Discipleship! It’s a profound yet down-to-earth guide to help you form a framework for your home that fits your personality and gifts.”

David Robbins, President and CEO, FamilyLife

“Yes! This is the framework families need. Both paradigm shifting and practical, this resource will demystify the idea of family discipleship and challenge you to utilize the opportunities right before you.”

Ruth Chou Simons, Founder, GraceLaced Co.; author, GraceLaced; Cohost, Foundations podcast

“Family Discipleship is an outstanding resource for families. Like a life raft in a vast sea of parenting advice, this book offers parents a framework for one of their most important tasks when raising children—teaching them to know and love the Lord. Theologically rich, incredibly practical, and genuinely realistic—this is a book I hope all parents put on their bookshelf.”

Laura Wifler, Cofounder, Risen Motherhood; coauthor, Risen Motherhood: Gospel Hope for Everyday Moments

“In Family Discipleship, Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin make you feel more excited than ever to call yourself a parent, while also casting a gripping vision for why we should take discipling our kids seriously. This book is a clarion call to every Christian parent: family discipleship matters, it is doable, and it’s our joy-filled responsibility both to God and to the next generation.”

Ryan and Selena Frederick, Founders, Fierce Parenting and Fierce Marriage; authors, Fierce Marriage

“Family Discipleship is a rare resource—intensely practical without becoming a simplistic, one-size-fits-all ‘how-to manual.’ Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin have provided a framework that challenges and equips parents to fulfill their divine calling to disciple their children in all seasons of life. This book is realistic in its approach, acknowledging the imperfections we all have as parents, and yet very helpful in guiding parents to develop a strategy that fits their unique families. Parents will be challenged to model a life of faith, develop intentionality around God’s word, seize everyday discipleship moments, and celebrate life’s milestones. Most importantly, parents will be encouraged that this great task of making disciples of their children is empowered by the work of the Holy Spirit through them.”

Afshin Ziafat, Lead Pastor, Providence Church, Frisco, Texas

“This is one of the best books I’ve read on family discipleship! Chandler and Griffin bring wonderful insight to the challenge and joy of everyday parenting—and refreshing perspective on the immense responsibility of disciple making in our own home.”

Noe Garcia, Senior Pastor, North Phoenix Baptist Church, Phoenix, Arizona

“Parents have the greatest opportunity to disciple their children, but many parents haven’t experienced discipleship themselves to even begin to know how to do that. In the current ‘Pinterest-perfect’ era of parenting, stress is high for mom and dad as they try to raise their children in the Lord. Family Discipleship takes you just as you are, and will show you the way regardless of your level of confidence. Deep and practical, Family Discipleship is highly recommended.”

Mark Matlock, coauthor, Faith for Exiles

“There is a need and a place for books about how to implement family-equipping ministry in the local church, but that’s not what this book provides. Family Discipleship fills a very different need that’s every bit as important as field guides for churches: it provides parents with the simple and practical tools that they need to disciple their children. Richard Baxter once pointed out to pastors that if they will train parents to disciple their children, these practices of family discipleship ‘will not only spare you a great deal of labor, but will much further the success of your labors’ as a pastor. This book then provides pastors with a simple way to ‘further the success’ of their labors.”

Timothy Paul Jones, author, Family Ministry Field Guide; C. Edwin Gheens Professor of Christian Family Ministry, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

Family Discipleship

Family Discipleship

Leading Your Home through Time, Moments, and Milestones

Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin

Foreword by Jen Wilkin

Family Discipleship: Leading Your Home through Time, Moments, and Milestones

Copyright © 2020 by The Village Church

Published by Crossway1300 Crescent StreetWheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law. Crossway® is a registered trademark in the United States of America.

Cover Image and Design: Ryan Jarrell

First printing 2020

Printed in the United States of America

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-4335-6629-5 ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-6632-5 PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-6630-1 Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-6631-8

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Chandler, Matt, 1974– author. | Griffin, Adam, author.

Title: Family discipleship : leading your home through time, moments, and milestones / Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin.

Description: Wheaton, Illinois : Crossway, [2020] | Includes bibliographical references and index. | Summary: “Helps parents establish a discipleship plan to raise their children in the love of the Lord”— Provided by publisher.

Identifiers: LCCN 2019059556 (print) | LCCN 2019059557 (ebook) | ISBN 9781433566295 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781433566301 (pdf) | ISBN 9781433566318 (mobi) | ISBN 9781433566325 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Parenting—Religious aspects—Christianity. | Child rearing—Religious aspects—Christianity. | Christian education of children. | Discipling (Christianity)

Classification: LCC BV4529 .C4285 2020 (print) | LCC BV4529 (ebook) | DDC 248.8/45—dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019059556

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019059557

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

2020-07-16 10:07:54 AM

From Matt:

To Audrey, Reed, and Norah. Thank you for being a part of this experiment.

From Adam:

To Cassie Bryant and Caroline Smiley, whose contributions and friendships are essential elements of this resource.

And to the love of my life, Chelsea Lane, and our three boys: Oscar, Gus, and Theodore. One of my greatest hopes is that Chelsea and I will get to see generation after generation of Griffins growing in the knowledge and favor of God.

Contents

Foreword by Jen Wilkin

Acknowledgments

Introduction

1  The Family That Disciples

2  The Foundation

3  Modeling

4  Time

5  Moments

6  Milestones

Conclusion: Parting Encouragement

Appendix: A Word to Church and School Leaders

Notes

Scripture Index

Foreword

I remember well the day my pantry was demolished by four elementary-aged Wilkin children on the hunt. For once, they were not on the hunt for food. Their school could earn credits toward the purchase of books and equipment by collecting small pink coupons printed on cereal boxes, can labels, and, as it turned out, just about every item in my pantry. To motivate them, teachers offered extra credit for bringing in a certain number of coupons. The scavenger hunt didn’t stop with that first pantry raid. On trips to the grocery store, the kids would choose one cereal over another based on whether it had the telltale pink square printed on the box. The recycle bin and trash can were sifted through. Overnight, we went from unconsciously choosing and disposing of items in our pantry to scanning for a pink square I had never noticed before.

Those pink squares were suddenly everywhere. And by paying attention to them, a lot of good could be accomplished. All we needed was a heightened awareness of the opportunity and an understanding of the goal.

In this book, Matt and Adam want to give you that kind of heightened awareness. They want to bring to your attention three simple opportunities for family discipleship that you already have in your possession but might not have top of mind. Parenting can put us into a fog, rendering many of us in survival mode, ready to pronounce any day in which everyone makes it to bedtime alive as a raging success. But we know in our hearts that more is required of us than survival. We cannot afford to simply make it through the day. Those survival days have a way of turning into weeks, and into months and years. Before we know it, opportunities to point our children toward faith in meaningful ways have fallen to the wayside in favor of just getting by.

But Christian parents want to be those who wisely steward the season of raising children. Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days / that we may get a heart of wisdom.” We want to be good at numbering these precious days.

My husband, Jeff, and I have raised those four coupon-collecting kids to adulthood. I observe that the common exchange between empty nesters and those whose nests are still full often leans either toward “Just wait” or “Just treasure this season.” The first response is not helpful, but to be honest, the second one isn’t either. It’s encouraging, yes, but it lacks the practicality most young parents are desperately seeking. We do love our children—deeply so—but we want to channel that affection into action. We want to love our children not merely in word or in feeling, but in deed.

You hold in your hands a book that offers not just encouragement, but practical help. Through the framework of time, moments, and milestones, Adam and Matt help you develop eyes to see opportunities for family discipleship that are readily at hand, though easy to overlook. They offer their own experience not as normative, but as a starting point for us to think creatively about how to adopt similar practices to point our families to Christ. I have seen these three tools help the families in my own church and community do just that. It’s amazing what we can accomplish with a heightened awareness of the opportunity and an understanding of the goal. I pray this book gives you both.

Jen Wilkin

Acknowledgments

We are inexpressibly indebted to the NextGen and Communications staff of The Village Church, whose input greatly improved the clarity and usefulness of these ideas.

Worthy of particular note from within those staffs are the contributions and advocacy of David Roark. This resource would not have happened without him.

We owe a great debt to Anne Lincoln Hollibaugh. Her ideas contributed significantly to the material, particularly the distinct roles of the family and the church in family discipleship.

We are incredibly grateful for Ryan Jarrell, who patiently and expertly designed our cover. Also, we would be remiss not to deeply thank our editor Tara Davis and the whole team at Crossway who worked untold hours to create a book worth reading and to help readers find it.

While this is an original work, we are far from the first people to write about family discipleship. We formed our own terms and definitions, and went our own directions, but a lot of our thoughts on time, moments, and milestones were inspired by conversations we had about the ideas presented in Timothy Paul Jones’s Family Ministry Field Guide. Other books like The Shaping of a Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliot, Family Worship by Donald S. Whitney, Raising Kingdom Kids by Tony Evans, God, Marriage, and Family by Andreas J. Köstenberger, and The Legacy Path by Brian Haynes, as well as the teachings and writings regarding Christian families by Charles Spurgeon and others by Howard Hendricks, also helped us as we formed the thoughts presented herein.

Last but far from least, this resource would not exist without the collaboration and contributions of Caroline Smiley and Cassie Bryant. It started as a meeting in April 2012 simply trying to clarify the discipling role of parents at The Village Church in Dallas. The sweet season when we were all coworkers starting our families and shepherding the families at The Village Church will hopefully pay dividends for generations.

“Let this be recorded for a generation to come,

so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord.”

Psalm 102:18

“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children.” —Deuteronomy 4:9

“We deeply want a revival of domestic religion. . . . The Christian family was the bulwark of godliness in the days of the Puritans, but in these evil times hundreds of families of so-called Christians have no family worship . . . and no wholesome instruction or discipline. . . . How can we hope to see the kingdom of our Lord advance when his own disciples do not teach his gospel to their own sons and daughters?”1 —Charles Spurgeon

“God has given you one of the greatest privileges imaginable: the privilege of helping shape the future of another human being. Someday your children will no longer live with you—but what will their memories be? Will they only be of bickering or conflict—or will they also be of love and joy and happiness? Don’t let your frustrations or weariness crowd out your love.”2 —Billy Graham

“The job has been given to me to do. Therefore it is a gift. Therefore it is a privilege. Therefore it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Therefore it is the route to sanctity. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.”3 —Elisabeth Elliot

“God grants offspring and commands that they be brought up to worship and serve him. In all the world this is the noblest and most precious work, because to God there can be nothing dearer than the salvation of souls. . . . There is no greater or nobler authority on earth than that of parents over their children, for this authority is both spiritual and temporal.”4 —Martin Luther

Introduction

Children are immeasurably valuable. You, a parent, are the guardian of an immortal soul, a cherished human being, an incalculable treasure, the very image of God himself. When it comes to parenting, sometimes you get to enjoy it and sometimes you have to endure it. It is wonderful and unpredictable. It is the most fun, upsetting, messy, beautiful, disappointing, and encouraging position in the world. Raising kids is an endlessly challenging adventure, and it comes with a never-ending list of responsibilities. One of the grandest of those responsibilities is the call to all parents to be disciple-makers in their own homes. A disciple-maker is a follower of Christ helping others follow Christ. No matter what your household looks like, your family is the primary instrument and environment for discipleship in all the fantastic and flawed ways that it might be worked out. Your persevering and often thankless spiritual leadership in your home is one of the most important things you will ever do with your life.

Your kids need guidance, and you are their guide. We want to inspire and empower you for the magnificent call on your life to lead your household in befriending and following Jesus, and, as you’ll see, that plan does not have to be complicated. If your family already feels overloaded, this plan will not push you over the edge with a new burdensome list of obligations, but rather develop a strategy that helps easily weave in everyday ways for your family to worship God and talk about the gospel of Jesus. The hope of this book is to prepare you to equip your family for the work of ministry and to help them grow up in every way into Christ (Eph. 4:15), following a plan that is well thought-out and sustainable. As you read this book, you will realize that not only can you do this, but you can’t not do this. To parent without deliberately discipling your child is to build your family’s house on a foundation of sand.

God himself has called you to disciple your children: to teach them to obey all that he has commanded and to see Christ formed in them (Matt. 28:20; Gal. 4:19). Whether you are a new parent or your kids are older, our desire is that this resource will get you and your household on the same page concerning how you will address the spiritual upbringing of the next generation. We will help you establish a sustainable rhythm of gospel-centered living through our framework for family discipleship—time, moments, and milestones. Utilizing the framework will bless your family and focus your discipleship, no matter the number, age, development, or personality of your children.

Inside this book you’ll find Scripture to consider, questions to answer, structures to implement, and ideas to try out in family discipleship. Answering the questions and filling out the charts are the indispensable core of this resource, building your unique family plan onto the framework. Even if you skim everything else, don’t skip those. Consider answering the questions and filling out the charts with the invited insight of a mentor couple, counselor, or pastor. Share them with your church community for accountability. If you’re married, lean on these tools to get your spouse and you aligned on your family discipleship plan.

This is not, however, a “silver bullet” blueprint for building the perfect family. Inevitably, the ideas you experiment with or efforts you put into the discipleship of your home will not always meet your expectations. We can assure you that family discipleship seesaws between disappointing and delighting. When it comes to discipleship, your kids will not always respond the way you want them to. That is okay; no kids do. You are not doing this solely to illicit a desired response, but out of obedience to the call from God on your life as a parent.

Your family is not the only one whose plans completely fall apart, who accidentally “used a bad word” instead of capturing a family discipleship moment, whose family discipleship time ended in an argument, or whose candlelit family holiday tradition ended with wax in the carpet and a burn or two. Plans fall apart and people fall short. Take comfort that even in the Chandler and Griffin homes, which will often serve as examples throughout this book, we are far from perfect. Not only we, but every mom and dad we know, the godliest men and women we know, have some residue of shame to battle and a great need for grace regarding what they wish they would have done and what they regret saying or doing as they have led their families. At the same time, some of their fondest memories and proudest parental moments came in the midst of family discipleship. There is joy to be mined from the work of instructing your children. “A wise son makes a glad father” (Prov. 10:1), and “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge” (Prov. 1:7).

As a parent, you will sometimes feel inadequate. That might be especially true when it comes to your own understanding of God or his word or your ability and qualifications to teach it. Set your mind on the promises of God and his ability instead of feeling discouraged by a preoccupation with your inabilities. You, Mom or Dad, cannot save your child’s soul. Your child’s salvation “depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy” (Rom. 9:16). If your child’s salvation depended on the quality of your parenting efforts, it would not only make parenting overwhelming but it would make salvation impossible. Your child will not love God only if you are a good enough parent, or run from God if you are in any way found wanting as a mom or dad. Just as in your own life, it is by grace through faith that your kids will be saved, “this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Eph. 2:8–9). What a privilege it is, then, knowing that God could do as he wishes without us, but that he still invites us flawed moms and dads into how he saves and raises a child to know him.

Unfortunately, not every one of our children will know him. Many of us, sadly, will have prodigal children, kids who rebel and run from the Lord. It is one of the most heartbreaking realities for Christian families. If you find yourself the parent of a spiritually wayward son or daughter, remember this: there is no such thing as a “hopeless case” or a “lost cause” when the God of the Bible is involved. Who can he not redeem? Who can he not transform? “The Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or his ear dull, that it cannot hear” (Isa. 59:1). Patience, compassion, grace, and prayer are in order. Also, remember that a prodigal child is not the cruel punishment of a malicious God because of some parenting failure of yours. Repent and redouble your efforts over your parental shortcomings? Yes. But it does you no good to torment yourself repeatedly with would’ve and could’ve. All we have to rely on for our children’s eternal destiny is the knowledge that God is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Ex. 34:6). God delights to redeem a human soul, and heaven rejoices when even one sinner repents.

God the Father and Jesus Christ are not looking at each other anxiously, crossing their fingers, and hoping you will solve the salvation of your child before it’s too late. No one gets to steal credit from God for a child’s deliverance from sin, and you should not beat yourself up when, in spite of your best efforts, your children rebel and run from God. You have no boast and no hope but the cross of Christ. That’s it! Literally, you have nothing to brag about or feel self-pity for. You have only this, what Christ has done freely for you already. And your only hope for a rebelling child is that the Father would draw him or her to himself and hopefully use you in the process.

Fortunately, discipling your kids is not a task God intends for you to carry by yourself. Yes, you’ve been given the gift of a life to steward, but you are to parent with a holy deference, asking the Holy Spirit to do what you cannot in a life that he loves more than you ever could—empowered by that same Holy Spirit for all that he asks you to do in leading your family. God never asks you to do anything that he does not empower you to do. In our own moments of parenting remorse, we are reminded that our role is to plant seeds of truth, water them, and pray that God will give them life and growth as we trust in his goodness and mercy over all our shortcomings. Family discipleship requires divine reliance: “Unless the Lord builds the house, / those who build it labor in vain” (Ps. 127:1). Relying on a kind, gracious, and loving God gives us plenty of reasons to be optimistic about raising this generation. Unlike God, you are not all-powerful, all-knowing, or all-present. You are not always right, always just, or always good. But your child’s heavenly Father is, and he even loves the lost and wandering sheep. You don’t know what the future holds, but you know the one who holds the future—trust him.

Despite bumps along the way, many of us will see faith sparked in the lives of our children through intentional discipleship. We will feel and know the presence of the Holy Spirit in our midst as we gather, and we will have the opportunity to celebrate as we witness God reveal himself to a new generation. Never relent in praying to the Lord for his movement in your family. You and your child belong first and foremost to your heavenly Father, who knows you the best and loves you the most.

Some of you are just starting your parenting journey and might be filled with the optimistic bliss of a freshly germinating family tree. Some of you have been doing this for a while, and the thought of family discipleship may fill you with a foreboding skepticism or pessimism. We could all use a dose of reality. Discipling a family is costly and far from easy. Parenting is hard work, and no one does it perfectly. You will mess up countless times, but leading your family to follow Christ can be simpler and more enjoyable than your moments of doubt may make it seem. No one is pretending the job ahead will be effortless, but do not assume that it cannot be fun and life-giving too. Your God is the God of joy and creativity and imagination.

In Christ, we can absolutely do this, undaunted by the hurdles along the way. In Christ, we can absolutely enjoy this and glory in the fruit of our efforts, for true fruit comes from abiding in the true vine, Jesus Christ. “Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith” (Heb. 12:1–2). God calls us to join him in witnessing his power in the lives of our children and to take a significant role in his work. Hallelujah!

How to Use This Book

This book is designed to be used by parents to create a plan for the spiritual leadership of their home. Read this book actively—making notes, writing in your answers to the questions, and filling out the charts designed to organize your plan. This will serve to develop your own personal philosophy and methodology for the spiritual leadership of your home. After you’ve finished the book, use the charts as a reference as you parent, and be ready to readjust as your children’s needs change and grow. Be careful, however, not to make the plan take precedent over the person. It is not easy to be a kid. Every plan needs to be built with the person in mind at all times. The plans we want you to make are to serve your family, not, as we might sinfully tend toward, to manipulate a family to suit your plans.

Many engaged couples head to a bookstore looking for resources to help in preparation for marriage. Many married couples likewise shop for books to work through, wanting to work out various relationship related issues. There are a seemingly infinite number of books, devotionals, workbooks, and curricula for couples to choose from. When you become a parent, a similar world of resources opens up to you about how to navigate pregnancy and giving birth. You can find countless books about discipline and setting boundaries with kids. There’s even a great and growing reserve of resources on talking with your kids about sex and other sensitive topics. Unfortunately, for some reason, it is much harder to find a good book to help you develop a strategy to lead your kids spiritually.

This is surprising, since Scripture makes the spiritual leadership of the home such a huge priority for parents, to bring up children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). Although many catechisms, kids’ Bibles, albums, and family devotionals are available, there is a lack of resources that help parents see why and how to use those tools to disciple their families as part of an overarching plan.

We should say up front that this is not a parenting book. At least, not in the traditional sense. This book is not about helping you navigate learning styles, different formative stages, strong wills, birth order, punishments, obedience, and so on. Those books exist, and many of them are very helpful. This book fits into the missing space that exists in intentionally designing spiritual leadership in the Christian home.