Haud Ma Chips, Ah've Drapped the Wean! E-Book

Allan Morrison

• Herausgeber: Luath Press
• Kategorie: Lebensstil
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 36

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013

Beschreibung

An hilarious and often wise collection of Scots saying straight from the mouths of the Grannies of Glasgow. With each snippet accompanied by a straightforward English translation, this is your introduction to the unique wisdom of the 'Glesca Granny'.

Leseprobe

ALLAN MORRISON is a prolific author; his previous books includeLast Tram tae Auchenshuggle! which combines three of his passions: humour, nostalgia and Glasgow. His media appearances include The One Show, Richard and Judy and The Fred McAulay Show.

He is involved in charity work, after-dinner speaking and is a member of his local Rotary club. Allan enjoys hill-walking, sport and travel. He and his wife live in the West of Scotland and he is the proud grandfather of four grandchildren.

‘Haud Ma Chips, Ah’ve Drapped The Wean!’

Glesca Grannies’ Sayings,Patter and Advice

ALLAN MORRISON

LuathPress Limited

EDINBURGH

www.luath.co.uk

First published 2012

Reprinted 2012

ISBN (print): 978-1-908373-47-2

eBook 2013

ISBN (eBook): 978-1-909912-09-0

The author’s right to be identified as author of this work under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 has been asserted.

© Allan Morrison 2012

Contents

Introduction

Acknowledgements

Glesca Grannies’ sayings, patter and advice about…

Appearance

Arguments

Blethering and Gossip

Children

Death

Discretion

Drink

Expressions

Family

Fashion

Food

Health

Home

Insults to Kith and Kin

Insults to Others

Money

Old Age

Problems and Worry

Sex, Marriage and Romance

Sports and Leisure

Temper

Useful Phrases for Daily Life

Weather

Wisdom

Work

Introduction

The only person capable of having an apparent mind-reader’s ability to rootle around inside others’ heads, is the typical Glasgow grandmother. Regardless of which part of the city they come from, they seem to have the ability to sum up situations and provide the appropriate advice. The dialect and accent may be slightly different depending on their social attributes and ambitions, but every last nuance of the rich communication is clear, creative and unambiguous. Many of the ‘Glesca words’ are self-evident in meaning. They are ‘nearly-words’, from the unique Glesca patois that is the currency of life in many a conversation. This book provides the many sayings and expressions favoured by grannies from Glasgow.

The reason is that Glesca grannies seem to have a God-given ability to be brilliantly observant and intuitive; a sort of hyper-intelligent, analytical creativeness that allows them to be continually alert to every foible of everyone’s character.

But beware. They can also deliver their observations using cut-throat wit. Suddenly you can find yourself faced with an ace dragon, the crackle of her starched bosom confronting your face. So do not upset your typical Glesca granny or she’ll have you pinned up against a wall like butterfly in a display cabinet.

On the other hand, Glesca grannies can be like grandmothers everywhere; transfixed by the machinations of the grandwean, and over the moon if they find out the wee darling will be the star of the school nativity play. In between strangulated mouthfuls of chips or water cress sandwiches, depending on their social standing, they will proudly proclaim to their friends about the amazing abilities of the fantastic wee souls that have clearly inherited something of the genes originally cooked up in her womb.

Improvisation is another major asset in the Glesca grannies’ armoury. Never short of a word or six either to protect her offspring’s offspring or to deal with an occasion when she feels that she has been slighted or taken for granted, or indeed to pass on a creative word of advice to a pal. ‘A wee hauf o’ valium an’ a double vodka an’ ye’ll be as right as rain.’ Or when, unusually, she has lost the thread of a conversation she might say, ‘Haud ma chips, ah’ve drapped the wean!’.

Glesca grannies protect their grandchildren from the new evils of the world even if they themselves enjoy a whiff of the wicked weed occasionally. Some are even prepared, with grisly determination, to climb the rock face of alternative new strategies and move with the times in the bringing up of the little blighters.

Glesca grannies have lived through a remarkable evolution, not just in technology but also in social change. Now their level-headed pragmatic expressions, advice and sayings have been extended into the issues of today’s society. Anyway, nowadays the compilation of the family unit can be an elaborately woven tapestry, so advice from this venerable authority needs to be as sharp as ever.

Many Glesca grannies may still have their original life companion with them, and by this time the old chap will have been well trained in the standards she expects of him.