Hell juvenile prison E-Book

Jacqueline Padberg

• Herausgeber: tredition
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Seitenzahl: 261

Beschreibung

After René gets rid of his brutal stepfather, he leaves the home and is separated from his brother Lars because he gets adoptive parents. He believes he can now experience a normal childhood and adolescence. But appearances are deceptive. His adoptive parents Gundula and Josef only tell him what to do. They can't show the child any feelings, even though the boy longs for security. After three years, his brother Lars joins the family. Lars is unhappy there and persuades his brother René to commit suicide. When this fails, he tries to strangle René and later tries to suffocate him with a pillow. Gundula and Josef decide that Lars must return to the home. René blames himself. He runs away, steals and one day even gets a prison sentence. In prison, he only experiences beatings and sexual abuse. Will he break or does he have a chance of surviving this hell?

Leseprobe

Jacqueline Padberg

Hell Juvenile Prison

René part 2

Biography

What has happened so far

In the first part of René's biography, Emilie from 'Crime scene: Parental home' recounted the terrible experiences of her second half-brother René. Unlike Lars, Emilie's first half-brother, he didn't take his own life. René and his older brother Lars experienced abuse and torture at the hands of their stepfather Bert in the GDR in the 1970s. Bert becomes Emilie's father years later.

He scalds René with hot water. René often has to watch in the cellar as his older brother Lars is sexually abused by Bert. At the time, he is still too young to realize that this is sexual abuse. His brother Lars tells him many years later.

Jacqueline Padberg

Hell Juvenile Prison

René part 2

Biography

In this book

After René gets rid of his brutal stepfather, he leaves the home and is separated from his brother Lars because he gets adoptive parents. He believes he can now experience a normal childhood and adolescence. But appearances are deceptive. His adoptive parents Gundula and Josef only tell him what to do. They can't show the child any feelings, even though the boy longs for security.

After three years, his brother Lars joins the family. Lars is unhappy there and persuades his brother René to commit suicide. When this fails, he tries to strangle René and later tries to suffocate him with a pillow. Gundula and Josef decide that Lars must return to the home. René blames himself. He runs away, steals and one day even gets a prison sentence. In prison, he only experiences beatings and sexual abuse. Will he break or does he have a chance of surviving this hell?

Table of contents

1The first meetings with Lars

2Shocking truths for René

3Farewell to the L. family

4Lars goes crazy

5Vivid imagination

6Constant punishments

7Benny

8Through thick and thin

9Thieving magpies

10The debts

11The interrogation

12Everyday life in prison

13A severe beating

14The first suicide attempt

15Further sexual assaults

16Suicidal intentions

17The letters

18Another suicide attempt

19The postcard

20The first day of freedom

21A new perspective

22Benno

23No secrets from Susi

24The marriage proposal

1 The first meetings with Lars

When René entered the home, his little heart was racing and his hands were wet. Gundula scolded him and sent him to the washroom to wash his hands. She thought it was disgusting that the boy was sweating so much and couldn't control his emotions. After René came out of the toilet, they were taken into a room by a member of staff. They were told to wait there for Lars. It seemed like forever until his big brother Lars finally arrived. His adoptive mother Gundula reminded René several times not to bite his nails, to sit still in the chair and to keep his mouth shut. The boy found this difficult because he was visibly nervous.

The nursery school teacher on duty that day had not been informed that Lars had a visitor. The couple who wanted to adopt him had planned a vacation with the boy and had just arrived at the children's home to take him with them. The child was already on his way to the car when the teacher called out to the potential foster father to please wait a moment. She first spoke to the man and whispered something to him that Lars couldn't understand. Then they both looked at the boy. Without any further preparation, they told the child that his brother René had come to visit. They asked Lars if he wanted to see his brother? The boy was unsettled and overwhelmed. He didn't really know what to say. But then he agreed. He just wanted to say a quick 'hello' to René. It was important to Lars that he was allowed to go on vacation. He ran back to the children's home with mixed feelings. He kept asking himself what his little brother wanted from him after all these years?

Lars was taken to a room and told to wait. He was told that his brother would be fetched now. The boy was waiting for them and was excited when the door opened. He hardly recognized his brother René. He was no longer as skinny as he had been back then, rather a little chubby. His little brother seemed to be doing well. He obviously gets enough to eat, the fat pancake, Lars thought as he said hello to Gundula and René.

His little brother beamed at him. The reunion was very moving for René. He hadn't seen his big brother for over three years. He immediately ran into Lars' arms and gave him a big hug. René told him how much he missed him and that he had been looking for him for so long. At first, Lars was perplexed. He didn't know what to say to his little brother. All he could think about now was his vacation. He was happy with the L. family and was afraid that he would no longer be able to go on vacation with his future foster parents. The L. family was the first family that Lars got on really well with and made him feel right at home.

Lars asked his little brother if he was no longer angry with him? René looked at him in astonishment and had no idea what his big brother meant by the question. He couldn't remember what he had accused Lars of as a little boy after they had both ended up in the home. Lars told him that René had blamed him alone for it. René apologized to his brother. He loved Lars very much and no longer blamed him for the fact that they had to go to the children's home. Lars accepted his apology and said goodbye to his brother. The most important thing for Lars now was his vacation with the L. family. He turned around, was in a hurry, gave René another friendly wave and quickly ran back to the car to finally go on vacation.

So, the brothers' first meeting had gone well. René was beaming as he left the home. He was happy that he was finally able to see Lars again. He only talked about his big brother the whole way home. That didn't change over the next few days. Gundula and Josef couldn't fail to notice how good it had done René to meet his big brother. They didn't recognize their adopted son. The boy was a changed man. He only had one goal: to see Lars again as soon as he was back from vacation. In his room or in the evening when he was lying in bed, René imagined all the things he wanted to do with his big brother when they saw each other again. He made plans for things he wanted to experience with Lars.

He was now the favorite child at home. Gundula and her husband were amazed at how well-behaved and attentive René suddenly became at home. He helped around the house without being asked and no longer ran away all the time. This pleased his adoptive parents. The main thing was that the people in the neighborhood stopped whispering because René was always running away, and the child behaved as Gundula and Josef expected of a well-behaved boy. That was very important to them. The child had already caused them enough trouble.

My half-brother remained well-behaved. His adoptive parents wanted to give their adopted son a second meeting with Lars as soon as possible. René was relieved because Lars had forgiven him for often being mean to his big brother years ago in the home. The fact that Lars was no longer angry with him meant a lot to him. René could hardly wait for the next meeting.

When Lars was back from vacation, Gundula, Josef and René visited him a few times at the home. After these meetings, they asked Lars one day if he could imagine spending a few days with them in their home? Lars wasn't exactly enthusiastic, but he agreed. I'll manage the few days with my little brother and these people, although I'd rather spend time with the L. family, he thought to himself.

When Lars saw René's room for the first time, he was amazed. His little brother wanted for nothing. They played together and were happy to have each other back. Further visits followed and the couple did a lot with the boys. They took the children swimming, for ice cream, to the zoo, to the mini golf course and did other great things with them, even when the weather wasn't so nice. They made everything possible for them. They behaved nicely. There was no scolding for the boys. Gundula and Josef acted as if they had no knowledge of Lars' history and the events they had heard about from the home management. Gundula and Josef had heard many horror stories about the boy. They were therefore particularly attentive when René's older brother visited.

However, none of the things they had feared came true when Lars visited René's adoptive parents. He was polite, had respect for the adults and helped Gundula around the house without being asked. The home management must have made a big mistake! Lars was never a boy who lashed out at teachers or other children when something didn't suit him. The couple now thought that was out of the question. It had to be a mistake. After all, they knew people too, they told each other, and they were sure they weren't mistaken.

But they were very wrong. René's brother just didn't want to cause any trouble when he came to visit. Lars really wanted to be taken in as a foster child by the L. family, and he knew that both couples were in contact ... He therefore showed his best side to René's family. It was easy for him because he got everything there. He liked the fact that the couple read his every wish from his lips if he was good. Lars quickly found out how to behave in order to receive gifts. He put this to good use. He was the nice boy that Gundula and Josef expected. The child felt superior.

But there was one thing Lars hadn't considered: he had no idea that Gundula and her husband were now thinking about bringing this lovely boy into their family. Lars just wanted to make an impression and admired the toys and pocket money he received from Gundula if he behaved well. He never dreamed of moving in with Gundula, Josef and René.

Lars often lay in bed at night and cried for the L. family because he missed them so much. Sure, he liked his little brother and he liked the fact that René's adoptive parents had given him such rich gifts. But that didn't change the fact that he wanted to become the L. family's foster child. Lars' feelings were not so important to René's adoptive parents. Gundula knew that Lars was afraid of losing his potential foster parents. She had heard him cry for the L. family several times because he missed them.

The most important thing for her was how much René had changed for the better since the brothers had a good relationship again. The couple therefore intended to adopt Lars. It was a 180-degree turnaround. At the children's home, when they had developed good contact with René, they had categorically refused to take Lars in as well. Now René's behavior seemed to change positively through contact with Lars. It occurred to Gundula and Josef that further difficulties with René could be avoided if they took Lars in.

They then repeatedly made this clear to the L. family in personal discussions in the presence of the home management.

"Please listen to our point of view! Thank you! Everything you say may be true. We don't deny that Lars feels at home with you. But the fact is that our René was missing his brother. We know that now. We also have to think about the children. They are doing well and Lars is also happy with us. Of course, he raves about you and would like to be taken in by you. But in our opinion, reuniting the family is the ultimate goal, especially because of the two boys' difficult childhoods. The siblings have already been separated from each other once in the past, so they shouldn't be separated a second time. Surely you see it the same way."

The L. family looked down sadly, sighed and had to agree with Gundula and Josef with a heavy heart.

"You're right. Family comes first. Lars has no one else but his little brother. We realize that we have to take a back seat. But it's not an easy decision for us. You should know that. The boy means a lot to us and we have taken him into our hearts. He is a great child and a fine little fellow. He will bring you a lot of joy. ... But one more question, if I may? Do we actually have a chance of him being allowed to live with us if the family reunion doesn't work out? ... Yes? That reassures us immensely. Good, then we'll do it as we discussed. It's the best thing for the boy."

The L. family left the children's home with a sinking feeling in their stomachs. It had been discussed that they should not say goodbye to Lars. Gundula also thought it was better that way. The family doubted that it was the best thing for the boy, but they complied after the home management also suggested it. Gundula was sure that Lars would ask why the L. family had suddenly disappeared from his life.

That's what happened. Lars couldn't understand why the L. family no longer came to pick him up to spend time with him. His world collapsed when the couple came back to the home to bring Lars all his toys and to say goodbye to the child.

However, everyone had assured the L. family at the time that Lars would come to them if living with René didn't work out. That was an empty promise, because after the incidents with René, Lars was first sent to a home and then to a youth reformatory.

Gundula later did everything she could to talk the L. family down about the child. She also advised them not to visit Lars in the youth detention center. The L. family should never contact Lars again. In Gundula's opinion, the boy was beyond help. He was a criminal. The L. family should refrain from giving Lars a home. If she as a teacher and Josef as an officer had already failed to cope with the child, this family would be even more unlikely to succeed, she kept telling them. Lars had also tried to kill René. The L. family listened to the advice and stopped contacting Lars. However, the couple never moved. They were very fond of the boy. Even when Mr. L. died, mother L. told her children that she wanted to stay in the big house. She died a few years after her husband's death. She never moved away because she fervently hoped that her lost son, as she called Lars, would one day come looking for her. Mr. and Mrs. L. both lived to be 83 years old. Lars thought of them and mourned them all his life.

2 Shocking truths for René

Lars enjoyed his time with his brother. However, Lars often thought about the L. family and remembered all the wonderful experiences he had with them. Nevertheless, he was happy to at least have his little brother back. Lars constantly talked about all the things he had experienced with the L. family. It often made René sad. He didn't want his big brother to always rave to him about these people. When Lars was brought back to the children's home and René was depressed that his brother had been so happy with the L. family, he would sometimes slip out at dinner what made him so insecure and worried.

"I don't think Lars loves us as much as the L. family. He doesn't want to live with us at all. That hurts me. He told me himself. ... No, I'm not lying. You always say that I'm just imagining things. That's not true! I only have him. Why doesn't he realize that we're a family? He always raves about the L. family and thinks everything is better with them. That bothers me. I'm also afraid of losing him again. I didn't really want to tell you this and bother you. I'm sorry that I've told you this. But I don't know what to do."

Gundula and Josef looked at each other in surprise and then acted sympathetic.

"You don't need to be afraid. Everything is settled with the L. family. But you're also sensitive! You always feel attacked. Anyway, Lars will soon be living with us for good. We've already taken care of that, don't worry! But don't tell your big brother yet, do you hear? He loves the family very much and we want to prepare him for it in peace. It should also be a surprise for him. It will be a big change for him once he's living with us, you know? ... Good, then keep our secret to yourself for a while. Be quietly happy and don't blab to Lars! And now finish your sandwich!"

René jumped up and immediately threw his arms around Gundula's neck. He hugged her tightly. She laughed and beamed but, as the child was used to, did not return the hug. She asked the boy to let go and help her clear the table. She told her adopted son while she was washing up that she was pleased and happy that he was no longer as naughty as he used to be. René smiled at her and became thoughtful as he dried the dishes. It still bothered my half-brother that Gundula and Josef had never once told him how much they liked him in all those years. He had also never been hugged by the couple. He suppressed his feelings and kept to himself that this had hurt him when his adoptive mother followed up and asked what he was thinking about? René assured her that it wasn't that important and went into his room. He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Many memories of the past came back to haunt him.

During the next few visits, Lars told his little brother in detail about the abuse when René asked him about Ulla and Bert. René was able to remember a few vivid experiences he had had with his stepfather, but not everything that had happened. He was still a very young boy at the time and had repressed many horrific events.

I always assumed that René had never found out what happened to his big brother down in the cellar. But I was wrong. My half-brother told me that Lars had also told him about the sexual abuse back then. René was only able to understand what Bert had done to his older brother at a later stage. As he grew up, he kept remembering the conversations with Lars. It still makes him sad and angry today, what his big brother had to endure.

René had lots of questions for Lars. He asked about Ulla, Bert and Aunt Bea. He wanted to know what had been done to his brother and whether Lars had heard anything from Ulla, Bert, Aunt Bea or their grandparents? He had so many questions. His big brother answered them all.

"No, René, they haven't contacted me. Maybe Bert once. Maybe, I don't know. I've blocked it out, but nobody came to see me except him. Certainly not. ... Aunt Bea? I have no idea what she's up to. I don't know what's going on with Grandma and Grandpa either. It's quite possible they've already died. Bert once said they were very ill. But mother and Bert were cruel to us. They were monsters. You can't imagine what they did to us when we were little. The potato sack and the beatings with the leather strap were harmless. They scalded us, René! No, that's not a joke! With hot water! ... You remember that, really? It's amazing, you still haven't forgotten. It was bad for me too. I can still feel the pain today. ... But something even worse happened to me. Bert, the pig, regularly had his way with me down in the cellar, René. He forced me to drink his sperm and did disgusting things to me. He was so cruel! He also tied me up. He tied your hands too, but I don't think he forced you to do the nasty things I had to do to him. I don't know why. What do you think? Did he do something disgusting like that to you? Can you remember anything like that? ... No? That makes me feel better."

René shook his head vigorously. He couldn't remember Bert sexually abusing him and found what Lars confided in him terrible.

He still can't explain why my father only abused Lars and not him as well. He suspects that his stepfather spared him the sexual abuse because Bert had Lars and René was perhaps still too young for him.

René swallowed hard when he heard from his brother for the first time about the cruel things Bert had done to them. He thought of his nightmares and the images he sometimes had in his head during the day, which frightened him. Now he realized some things and asked around.

"Is that why I often have bad dreams? I often have such strange dreams. In them, we are locked up and severely beaten by Bert. But Gundula and Josef don't want to hear about it. They say they're just nightmares and demand that I forget the past and live in the present. But that's not so easy, as the bad dreams also bother me during the day. Sometimes I wake up several times a night because I've had a bad dream. I wish I could get rid of the nightmares, Lars."

"Yes, I know that. During the day I'm often weak and tired from dreams like that. The terrible things Bert did to us are probably the reason for the nightmares. That's true. You can't forget something like that either. I don't know what your adoptive parents think. It certainly doesn't work. It's sad that they don't want to hear what our stepfather did to us and that they want you to forget it.

Anyway, I told you the truth. It was so bad with Bert. You didn't make that up. I can confirm that he beat us. Gundula and Josef simply have no idea and live in their own world."

René was relieved that at least Lars believed him and that he was able to talk to his brother about his horrible experiences in peace. He was saddened that his big brother had had to experience much sadder things in his childhood. For the time being, he kept everything Lars confided in him to himself and didn't talk about it with Gundula and Josef. They would have just got upset again anyway and played everything down. He was aware of that.

René thought it was terrible and often brooded about it. He wondered why mother had never done anything about it and why she didn't miss her children. His older brother told him that she didn't deserve the name 'mother' and that only her own interests were important to her. He explained to René that Ulla had known about the abuse and had looked the other way. That was so mean and disgusting, Lars scolded her. Cleaning was all she had on her mind. He also told René that they both often had fiery red bottoms, that's how often their stepfather had beaten them up.

René fought back tears after such conversations and his lips trembled.

"But why did he do this to us, Lars? I don't understand. What did we do to them that they treated us so badly? I mean, we were still so small and didn't make mistakes on purpose. They still don't care about us today. That makes me so sad. They don't even ask how we are. Not at all. I sometimes ask myself why I'm in this world? Our parents don't need us and hate us. No one actually needs us, to be honest, that's how it seems to me. Everyone just grumbles at us because we always do every-thing wrong. Isn't that right, Lars?"

His older brother confirmed this and asked René not to worry about their parents. They weren't worth it, he told him. René thought it was good that he could talk to his brother about so many things. Lars was the only one who could tell him exactly what had happened. He wanted to ask his big brother more about the past as the days went by. But Lars shut up and didn't want that. He had told René enough for now. It hurt him too much and it only opened up old wounds. Lars advised his little brother to forget Bert and Ulla and stop thinking about them. Bert and Ulla weren't even worth the dirt under his fingernails. But René thought a lot about what he had been told by his brother. He couldn't understand why they had done this to him. He wondered whether he wasn't good enough and didn't deserve anything else. After all, Gundula and her husband never told him that they loved him or gave him a hug. René was of the opinion that he had not functioned well enough with his biological parents and blamed himself for the abuse he had suffered as a young boy. It was no different with Gundula and her husband, even if he didn't get a beating from them. If René followed their rules, he was the best son in the world. But woe betide him if he misbehaved. Then punishments followed. For him, that was the reason why he never received an 'I love you' or a hug from his adoptive parents. He disappointed Gundula and Josef too often. And naughty children had to be punished. Unfortunately, my half-brother René kept telling himself that even as an adult.

Fortunately, this is no longer the case today. Over time, he came to understand a little. He tells Gundula what he thinks, regardless of whether she likes it or not. He believes that for too many years he has only ever done what was asked of him. He is no longer a helpless little boy and now decides for himself what is good for him and what is not. As a result, there are frequent disputes or months of silence between him and Gundula. However, this is no longer as much of a burden for René as it was years ago. He suffered a lot from her dismissive behavior then. Today, he leaves his adoptive mother alone. Let her sulk. Once she's calmed down, she'll get in touch with him again.

I never met Gundula in person, but she made it clear to me often enough on the phone that she only wanted one thing: she wanted René to move on and forget what happened back then. I tried to make it plausible to her why this isn't possible. She turned a deaf ear. I left it at that. She likes to dictate how people should lead their lives. Perhaps she is also domineering. That's the impression I got from our phone calls. But maybe I'm wrong. In any case, René no longer lets her boss him around and doesn't let his adoptive mother tell him what to do. In our conversations, however, I often got the impression that he relies too much on Gundula. If he has problems, she is the first person he turns to to help him out. I often wonder what he will do when his adoptive mother is no longer alive. After all, she is already in her late seventies and won't be by his side forever to support him financially. I sincerely hope that he manages to become more independent.

3 Farewell to the L. family

One day, Lars was presented with a fait accompli. Gundula and Josef had arranged for the boy to live with them from then on. At first, Lars didn't understand why the L. family no longer picked him up from the children's home at weekends. He suffered greatly as a result. He wanted to know why he now had to spend his free time exclusively with Gundula, her husband and René and wrote a letter to the L. family. But they didn't answer him. He was sad and just wanted to get an answer. Lars was constantly thinking about what he had done to them and wondered why they didn't get in touch with him.

A few weeks later, they visited Lars for the last time. However, the L. family did not come to pick him up. They brought him all the toys he had received from them over the years and told him that he would be living with Gundula, Josef and his brother René in future. A world collapsed for the child. His little brother had already predicted this a few days earlier. The two of them had quarreled terribly because Lars didn't want to believe it. Was it really going to be like this now? He wasn't going to see the L. family again? Mr. and Mrs. L. didn't want him in their lives and had lied to him? Why? He hadn't done anything to them. Mr. and Mrs. L. wanted to explain to Lars calmly that it wasn't his fault. They were not allowed to take him in. They had decided otherwise. Lars ran away and covered his ears. He couldn't give a damn about these people! They should leave him in peace and get out of his life! They had hurt him enough.