Author’s Note
The film Jesus of
Montreal by Denys Arcand inspired me to
try and create a novel in which a contemporary Jesus relives the
most
important episodes of his former life.
My reading of the Bible made it
clear that the
path would have to be a different one.
Recent social and political
events illuminated the
way to go.
In the end, He won’t be the one
on the cross.
Statement
of interests advised for moral reasons: The person writing
these
lines is a Christian. Not in the religious sense of the word,
but in
its etymological, philosophical, ontological, and other
meanings.
Although I do tend to punch and kick more than I turn the
other
cheek, I consider the message of peace, of love among men,
and
of
forgiveness to be the greatest gifts ever granted to
mankind.
Statement
of interests advised for environmental reasons: I was born on
a
farm.
I lived with the beasts of the field such as hens, ducks,
turkeys,
oxen, cows, pigs, snakes, centipedes, worms, wasps and
cockroaches; I
killed rats with sticks, drowned bees, and shot sparrows
(acts
which
at the time delighted me, but which today I regret somewhat).
That
doesn’t make me an environmentalist. Still, not only do I
admire
those who defend nature, but I also see ecology’s place as a
world
priority to be vital for human survival.
Statement
of interests advised for reasons of race: Being Portuguese,
according
to recent genetic research, I should have genes from Caucasian,
Jewish, and Arab populations. And so, whether for DNA reasons
or for
reasons of conviction (faith), I would like all peoples,
ethnicities,
and races
to be able to live as one—and if they have to shoot anything,
then
let it be sparrows.
Patriotic
statement of interests: I have the utmost regard for all
emigrants,
independent of the dialect they speak
JESUS AND MAGDALENE
This
book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places,
and
incidents
are the product of the author’s imagination or are used
fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events,
locales, or
persons,
living or dead, is coincidental.
“
And
God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the
Earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart
was
only evil continually. And it repented the Lord that he had
made man
on the Earth, and it grieved him at his heart.” Genesis
6:5-6
“
Therefore,
when I reflect on the wise and good constitution of the
Utopians,
among whom all things are well governed and with so few laws,
where
virtue hath its due reward, and yet there is such an equality
that
every man lives in plenty - when I compare with them so many
other
nations that are still making new laws, and yet can never bring
their
constitution to a right regulation; where not withstanding
every one
has his property, yet all the laws that they can invent have
not the
power either to obtain or preserve it, or even to enable men
certainly to distinguish what is their own from what is
another’s,
of which the many lawsuits that every day break out, and are
eternally depending, give too plain a demonstration.”
Thomas
More, Utopia, p. 38
PROLOGUE
(or good reasons for Jesus not repeating the events of the first coming to Earth)
For reasons
unknown, Jesus has returned to Earth. But he won’t be going
down
the same path as last time, either because he likes to be
original,
or because times are different now, or maybe just because he
has
learned his lesson.
For example,
he won’t have to be born from a virgin by the work and grace of
the
Holy Spirit, in a reproductive feat attributed to a dove. At
the
time
this fact may have raised a few eyebrows, provoked a frown from
some,
insults from others, but now, in a world where paternity tests
are
commonplace, it would be too risky to use the same method to
come
into the world. If, instead of the Holy Spirit, genetic
profiling
proved he had another father, it would cause a scandal. And
because
you can’t twist the logic of the epiphany, i.e., have a virgin
father instead of the mother, for this reason, even when you
take
low
birth rates and the aging population into account, it’s better
not
to be born again.
After all,
his relationship with his progenitor wasn’t exactly the best.
He
once addressed her as “woman” at a badly organized, wine-less
wedding, and on another occasion he failed to recognize her, or
his
so-called siblings, in the middle of a crowd.
And so, in
not being the offspring of a winged father, and a mother who did
not
know
her husband, he wouldn’t have to endure embarrassment similar to
that of Joseph, who preferred to go and saw wood than to stay at
home
and nail together thoughts that might explain the mystery.
Nor would he
have to dream about angels, who could be very convincing in
their
virginal explanations, but understood little of the delicacies
of
matrimonial carpentry.
On the other
hand, in the absence of a birth, the Three Kings wouldn’t come,
laden with gifts, following a star—the name given to comets at
the
time. Nowadays they would be inspected at customs. The guards
would
open their luggage and find frankincense, gold, and myrrh—the
favored presents of any child. The gifts would be confiscated and
the
Three Kings, given their dark skins and turbaned heads, would be
detained on suspicion of terrorism.
For the same
reason, there would be no massacre of the innocents, and no
flight
into Egypt. Hardly a recommendable destination, given that ever
since
gods
with the heads like jackals and falcons
had been banned and a new faith imposed, religious diversity has
no
longer been tolerated. As a result, the flight would be as
dangerous
as being exposed to the madness of Herod.
Continuing
in this vein, it’s only natural that there would be temptation,
but
none identical to the first one, initiated by the guidance of
the
Holy Spirit himself—such mysterious behavior, as shouldn’t the
Holy Spirit avoid temptation instead of leading pure souls,
like
Jesus, into it? On the other hand, even the devil comes off
badly
in
this story set in the desert, where it is suggested that he
needs
a
middleman to choose his victims, a task he should be quite
capable of
on his own.
Fasting for
forty days and forty nights wouldn’t be repeated either, as it
would be excessive, even for the son of God. Not even the
craziest
anorexics would go to such extremes. If in this difficult test he
decided to test his limits once again, given how easy it is to
call
for a pizza, his fasting might have been broken on the first
day.
And he
wouldn’t consider that looking is a form of adultery, nor would
he
suggest the radical method of plucking out your eyes or cutting
off
your hands to refrain from immoral deeds because mankind would
be
crippled, but nonetheless still able to sleep around.
Nor would he
take a stance on delicate matters such as the wealth of the
Catholic
Church or how it condemns contraceptives or homosexuality. Just
imagine if he decided to knock on the Vatican door to introduce
himself.
“
Good
morning, I’m Jesus Christ and I’m here to talk to the Pope.”
They
probably wouldn’t take him seriously, they’d refuse him an
audience and the Swiss guards might even drive him out. And then
Jesus, making his way once again to the masses, in a sermon that
would pass from the mount to the media, would be able to give an
interview to the newspapers, criticising the opulence of the
Church,
and once again say that heaven is no place for the rich, advising
the
Pope and the cardinals to renounce their wealth, sell their
properties, shares, works of art, cellars of French wines,
high-octane cars, and even the popemobile, and then hand out
these
billions of dollars to the miserable of this world. Just as in
the
film The
Shoes of the Fisherman, in
which Anthony Quinn is revealed as the best Pope ever, being
Soviet
and American at the same time.
As there is
no Sanhedrin to put him on trial, or Pilate to condemn him,
there
would be yet another scandal. The Holy Father and the cardinals
would
not like to be forced to become Franciscans and, feeling their
bare
feet on the cold stone floor and the three-knotted cords
constricting
their kidneys, they would call their lawyers, their
accountants,
and
their tax-haven managers and all meet up in the Sistine Chapel.
Under
the reproachful gaze of those biblical figures who have never
used
checkbooks or credit cards. And white smoke would be the last
thing
to come out of that meeting.
However, in
a sudden bout of contrition, they may even try to reach an
agreement
with Jesus:
“
You
arrive as if from another world, without any warning, and want us
to
become poor overnight?”
“
I suppose
I have the moral authority to raise the matter with you.”
“
You had
authority back then, but nowadays the financial authority is much
more important than any morals.”
“
Listen,
it was back then, too, and I could even have become rich, but I
resisted temptation.”
“
And
wasn’t this your obligation,” they would say, “to resist
temptation? With such a backward world and such ignorant people,
you
couldn’t give bad examples.”
“
Well, the
Romans had a grandiose civilization,” Jesus might say.
“
Exactly,
and we are the Roman Catholic Church, and so it’s only natural
that
we would be grandiose, too.”
“
Spiritually
grandiose, yes,” Jesus would say.
“
Come on,
be reasonable, there must be another way we can come to an
agreement,
we already have so many people causing us trouble…”
“
Are you
referring to the behavior of certain priests?”
“
The
problem isn’t the priests, it’s the newspapers and the
television,” they might say.
“
Are you
saying you tolerate the abuse of the clergy?”
“
Don’t
come now and lecture us, when the fault for what has happened is
yours, too.”
“
Mine?”
Jesus would ask.
“
Yes,
yours, because if you had married Magdalene nobody would be
obliged
to be celibate and none of this would have happened.”
Other
cardinals would enter the discussion.
“
Here you
have the truth. You didn’t marry her, you didn’t assume your
responsibilities, and now you are surprised that there are these
scandals,” the first cardinal would say.
“
After
all, if the disciples were married, why did you stay
single?”
“
Do you
have anything against marriage?”
“
Very
well, gentlemen, I’ll bother you no more,” Jesus would
say.
Relieved,
the Curia vented its emotions when Jesus had turned his
back.
“
Man, some
people just don’t know when their time is up. God help
us!”
Then a new
rift between the faithful would probably develop: the Schism of
Property.
Some would
support Jesus and his appeal to abandon all worldly goods,
while
others would remain true to the Pope. Catholic columnists and
atheist
columnists would contribute to further fan the flames of faith;
many
people would be excommunicated and banned from entering
churches.
To begin
with nothing would be heard from the other religions, then
prudent,
vague declarations calling for tolerance, and finally, when
they
realize that something similar could happen to them,
unconditional
support of early religious power, with veiled recommendations
to
teach them a good lesson.
With the
world and mankind like that, it wouldn’t be worth getting
involved
in major endeavours, and much better to take care of minor
quibbles —
problems that are less complex, but nonetheless difficult to
resolve.
