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There are magic words that work wonders: I'm sorry, forgive me, it's my fault. And there are others that open up infinite possibilities: I love you, I need you, I can't live without you.
For some strange reason, there is a widespread misconception that good feelings towards our loved ones go without saying, are taken for granted, assumed. Therefore, with this perspective, from some indefinite moment in time, we abandon the good habit of showing our feelings, we stop saying ”I love you”, ”I need you”, ”I like this or that”, etc. I am sincerely convinced that it is not enough to give a gift once in a while, be it a diamond necklace, a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates. I am an unrepentant enthusiast for the palpable, physical and persistent demonstration over time of expressing what we feel for our loved ones: our partner, children, friends, each on their own scale. We do it with the dog and the cat, why don't we do it with human beings? I think we should give many more hugs, many more kisses, say many more ”I love you”, many more ”I need you”, many more ”you are my life”. And besides acting like this every day, it wouldn't hurt to write it down for the record. Have you tried to give a love letter to your wife you've been with for years? Have you tried to write a page with the word THANK YOU? I'm sure you have many reasons to be grateful. It's about sitting down for a few minutes, reflecting for a few minutes and putting down on paper what's in your heart. It doesn't seem too difficult. I think more than one person would be surprised at the results.
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Seitenzahl: 64
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022
Letters of a (fool) in love
Carlos Usín
Translated by Nicoleta Nagy
Copyright © 2021 Carlos Usín
All rights reserved.
DEDICATION
To Cuchy
DEDICATION
DAY 1 (28- 08- 2011).
DAY 2 (29- 08- 2011).
DAY 3 (30- 08- 2011).
DAY 4 (31- 08- 2011).
DAY 5 (01- 09- 2011).
DAY 6 (04- 09- 2011).
DAY 7 (05- 09- 2011).
DAY 8 (06- 09- 2011).
DAY 9 (07- 09- 2011).
DAY 10 (12- 09- 2011).
DAY 11 (19- 09- 2011).
DAY 12 (20- 09- 2011).
DAY 13 (25- 09- 2011).
DAY 14 (27- 11- 2011).
Day 15
Just before the alarm went off.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
DAY 1 (28- 08- 2011).
It’s true that from the day we met, back in mid-January 2010, you told me that your future was in Benalmádena and that you would return there as soon as you could. And it is also true that, although we had just met and many things still had to happen, the idea did not please me. Maybe, because, although it sounds very whimsical, I fell in love with you as soon as I saw you and I didn't want to lose you from when it started.
Today, while returning to Madrid, driving and alone in the car, without you by my side, I thought about how much I miss you and all the things we have been doing together for such a long time. If you think about it, we did very few things separately. Maybe that's why this "separation" pains me so much.
I know that it is not such, that every weekend, as since we met, we will continue to share our life, but it is hard for me to imagine that from now on when I leave work, I will not go to pick you up to run some errands, go to the supermarket or simply, sit in El Tambor to listen to music, while I invent a thousand silly things with which to make you laugh.
While driving, at times I felt a lump in my throat, remembering the terrible moments in which we met. And yet, for some strange reason, you decided to remain next to an outcast with no job, no money, and a future blacker than a monkey's armpit. It made me realize that if you stayed by my side, you were worth it as a person.
I've said before that I fell in love with you as soon as I saw you and I think it's true. Another thing is that my attitude was somewhat cautious, somewhat prudent, in order to protect myself. Therefore, our relationship grew in intensity and frequency as time went on and that, in turn, made me feel better by your side.
Our lives became entangled in such a way that now I can't conceive a life other than with you.
It's been a long time since I can say "I'm happy with my partner" and you've managed to make me happy, even though sometimes, you try to drive me crazy. Like when you reproach me that we have not tried to get a house and then, when I threw myself for it, you cooled me down saying "it can't be, because we don't have money". You are very funny, and I love you for it. For that, and for many other things.
We have to take advantage of the present, because the future is much more uncertain than in past times. Let's live our present, enjoy it and we will overcome the difficulties together, which is how it is best achieved. Let's find a house that we like, that is our nest and fight for us, for our lives, for our love. And forget about the money: it's just money and in the end, there’s a solution for everything. Take it from me.
I love you, Cuchyta.
DAY 2 (29- 08- 2011).
Definitely, the days are much longer and more tedious if I don't end up seeing your sweet little face, your smile and if I don't hear your voice.
After work, for so long, I've been coming to get you and share with you a couple of hours of our life. We have not had philosophical or profound conversations; we haven't been laughing all the time either, but we've been together, caressing you and, above all, we've supported each other.
One of the worst experiences that a human being can endure is to feel alone precisely when in theory is next to another person. It is a wounding, silent, destructive, lethal loneliness. I have had that feeling many times throughout my life; the feeling of being alone, fighting against everything, even my partner.
With you it has always been quite the opposite. At first, I was surprised you kept going out with me. You wouldn't have been the first to tell me that you weren't willing at that age to walk hand in hand and sit on a park bench, and that was exactly what you and I did for many weeks: walk hand in hand, sit in Rosales for a chat and then go for a coffee at Charing Cross, because there was not enough money for more.
I also felt you by my side when I was about to sell my car for almost nothing; tired of thinking and rethinking and not getting anything clear. You were by my side, helped me think coldly and defended me from what could have been a real disaster.
You've always been by my side, like when you found out about the damn story of the false complaint of mistreatment in Palma. I've never kept anything from you, and I wasn't going to do it then. I thought that, if you were to love me, you should know me with my light and my shadow, although of course, at that time, there wasn’t much light we could say.
You have always advised, supported and helped me and I have tried to do the same for you. That's why when I don't see you, I can't touch you or hear your voice, I miss you and it hurts.
You have always watched over my interests, telling me over and over again "you have to save, you have to save", as if I were leading a life of luxury and debauchery.
And I like that you tell me your opinion. And I like when you try to explain to me why the Forex bullshit doesn't work the way everyone expects it to. And I like that you ask my opinion and that we can talk about various issues. And I like it when you say, "it's bullshit," with that tone of total rejection, almost indignation. And I like your smile, your sense of humor and when you say, "what nonsense", when I tell you a silly or absurd joke. And I like it when you say, "you're a ghost."
I like that gentle attitude of yours, only altered when you have guests for dinner and you're not on time or when the Forex bullshit goes in the opposite direction of what suits you.
I like it when you go to sleep, you take to bed a book about "the conjunction of the planets" or even better, cooking recipes. You're special, I like you.
All I do is think about what our house will look like and how good you and I are going to be together. I know that we have no security at all; therefore, we have no choice but to live day by day. Carpe Diem, Cuchyta.
I need you so that I could live, my blondie. I could live without you, but life would not be the same, not by any means.
I love you.