Loving for Real E-Book

Pierre Grosjean

• Herausgeber: WS
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2018

Seitenzahl: 136

Beschreibung

Fr. Grosjean has listened intensely to youth, and in engaging ways speaks to the heart of love, both a gift from God, and a challenge. This book stands out because it speaks directly to the practice of love, and so its text is simple but powerful.

Leseprobe

The Crossroad Publishing Company

www.CrossroadPublishing.com

© 2018 by Pierre-Hervé Grosjean

Crossroad, Herder & Herder, and the crossed C logo/colophon are registered trademarks of The Crossroad Publishing Company.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be copied, scanned, reproduced in any way, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of The Crossroad Publishing Company. For permission, please write to [email protected].

In continuation of our 200-year tradition of independent publishing, The Crossroad Publishing Company proudly offers a variety of books with strong, original voices and diverse perspectives. The viewpoints expressed in our books are not necessarily those of The Crossroad Publishing Company, any of its imprints or of its employees, executives, owners. Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause. No claims are made or responsibility assumed for any health or other benefits.

All rights reserved for all countries

© April 2014, Editions Artège, France

Editions Artège

9, Espace Méditerranée – 66000 Perpignan

www.editionsartege.fr

Book design by Tim Holtz Design

Cover Design: George Forster

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available from the Library of Congress.

ISBN 978-0-8245-2360-2

EPUB ISBN 978-0-8245-8990-5

MOBI ISBN 978-0-8245-8991-2

Books published by The Crossroad Publishing Company may be purchased at special quantity discount rates for classes and institutional use. For information, please email [email protected].

Dedication

For my parents, who taught me

what it means to “love.”

For Father Francis, a priest with

the heart of an educator

and a Father.

For Pierre, Guillaume, Yves,

Marc, Pierre, Gérald

priestly brothers who watch over

me and encourage me!

For my parishioners, and for my bishop

who entrusted them to me.

For these girls and boys

who I was able to receive, to

listen to, and to accompany.

For these young people who, in

spite of their weaknesses,

marked me with their generosity,

their great desire for love

and thirst for the absolute.

For all those who have given me

the joy of offering them

God’s forgiveness.

For them, I am happy to be a priest.

Thank you.

Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Preface

Introduction

Why This Book?

Two Precautions

Two Misconceptions

A Primarily Positive Perspective

Learning to Love

Sincerity and Truth

Loving and Being in Love

Injuries

The Real Challenge

Three Useful Sayings

Not Too Soon!

Not Too Fast!

Not Too Close!

Quality Friendships

For Girls!

Boys!

A Comment on Homosexuality

And What about God in All of This?

With God, Nothing Is Lost

God Empowers Us

Conclusion

“A Great Love Awaits Me”

Notes

About the Author

About the Publisher

Preface

On June 1, 1980, the soon-to-be-canonized John Paul II stopped in at the Parc des Princes one memorable Sunday evening while on a visit to France. There he addressed the young people of France, as he would do so often during World Youth Day.

The youth listened and applauded while he recalled the commandments and guidance of the Gospel.

“Your problems and your young sufferings are known to me. … You already know all this to the point of being saturated. I prefer to reach for the stars with you. I am convinced that you are seeking to get away from this debilitating atmosphere and that you want to deepen or rediscover the sense of a truly human existence because it is open to God—in a word, you want to rediscover your human vocation in Christ. … Jesus did not come to condemn love but to release love from its ambiguities and its counterfeits.”1

Because we all need to be clearly informed about things while remaining connected to our deep desire for love.

Father Pierre-Hervé Grosjean, priest of the “John Paul II generation,” meets regularly with young people. He listens and talks to them—directly and respectfully—by tapping into the richness of wisdom.

As I read Father Grosjean, I recall once again the words of John Paul II to the young people, inviting them not to forget neither their intelligence, nor their hearts, nor their bodies. … “Adoration of the body? No, never! Contempt of the body? Even less. Mastery of the body! Yes! Transfiguration of the body! Even more!”2

Eric Aumonier,

Bishop of Versailles

Introduction

Why This Book?

Ten years ago, at the invitation of Les jeunes témoins de la vie humaine1 who were organizing their national weekend and a few months before my priestly ordination, I gave a kind of improvised talk on “flirting.” The word itself is now somewhat outdated. A year later, a young man asked me if he could give a copy of the talk to one of his friends. The Internet’s magic did not take long to have an effect; the talk was widely circulated, which resulted in me receiving numerous letters and invitations to speak at high schools. Some years later, I gave a lecture to students at the Saint-Augustin Parish in Paris entitled “Loving for Real.” The experience of several years of priesthood then allowed me to adjust certain things and go a little more deeply into the topic. Again, the audio recording and the text of this talk have circulated extensively.2 I have since had the opportunity to regularly intervene in parishes or schools. I receive emails almost daily from young people who received a copy of the talk through a friend and who let me know what they have learned. I have been witness to an amazing fertility that is completely beyond me and that points to the Internet as an additionally formidable tool for the apostolate, including the spreading of information among friends.

From these letters and these talks I have distilled a couple of important lessons. first, there is the heaviness of some misconceptions. They significantly blur the understanding of the Church’s message of love and sexuality. How many cartoons have managed to find a place even in the minds of the “good little Cathos”! It may be that we—as priests, but also as parents and educators—are not completely strangers to this phenomenon. Obviously, how we present this message greatly affects how it will be received. Between rigor and laxity, ageism and mediocrity, the middle path is not always an easy goal.

The second lesson is a surprise mingled with joy. It is the realization—regardless of the people, their level of religiosity, their standard of living or social status—that there is in all hearts a desire to experience loving for real. I regularly meet young people who are confused by all the logistical guidance on sexuality, who know everything about sex, who have seen everything and even sometimes tried everything, but who seek and who hunger for a sense of meaning, the secret of true joy. They all crave something else! They expect that we dare offer them a kind of ideal that uplifts them and motivates them to excel beyond the “easy stuff.” This gives me great hope. Even behind the facade of indifference, even at the bottom of the most wounded hearts, even in spite of major weaknesses, there is a thirst for truth, an intuition that we are all made for a great love that, by itself, can be ultimately fulfilling. Today’s youth are even hungering for some guidance that can help them build this love. They want from us adults—priests, parents, educators—that we have the audacity to offer them a way forward—both rigorous and joyful—instead of a false “compassion” that would excuse or legitimize all their mistakes.

That is why I wanted to write this book for you, young people ages fifteen to twenty-two years old. first, because I have a little more experience—I have constantly received your reactions and felt nourished by our always valuable discussions. I therefore wanted to continue adjusting my remarks, improving and deepening my discourse. Writing allows spaciousness, whereas the constraints of a talk can often force one to go too fast. But also because this little book—which I wanted to make readily available—may be passed along or offered to a friend, reread, highlighted or annotated, consulted at your own pace and this, much more easily than with a text found on a computer screen. Many of you asked me to do this or had suggested the idea.

Of course, I am much more at ease when speaking, and I think this book lacks the unique touch that a priest brings to whatever group he is addressing. The written word can never result in the same spontaneity, the smiles and the improvised anecdotes, the moments of laughter or seriousness. But I tried anyway to keep it simple and frank, since these seem to be essential qualities to bring to this topic. Writing this book was an effort for me—I have never been a great writer!—but I am happy to offer it if it can encourage you and enlighten you in your preparations toward real love. I trust in the Lord’s fecundity. He is the only infallible master of all love!

Two Precautions

As I begin this writing, I would like to ask your permission that I speak to you frankly. Love, emotional life, sexuality, and friendship are topics too valuable and too important to tackle by avoiding the real issues. There have been too many tepid speeches by adults who are afraid of displeasing young people or, worse, who want to “seem young,” and they have wreaked too much havoc in our high schools and chaplaincies. You expect a true, honest, direct discourse from your priests and the Church. You will perhaps not always agree, but at least you have a clear marker that allows you to find your bearings.

I would also like to tell you frankly about a student I remember from my first year of ministry who came to see me after hearing me speak on this issue: a youth like many others, about twenty years old, and who in the arena of love and sex had “some” experience. I can still hear him say, “For six years I was involved with a chaplaincy. Why didn’t anyone ever say this to me before? I could have avoided so much damage, both for myself and for a number of people.” The heart of a priest cannot remain indifferent to such regrets. Essentially this is my fear as a priest, that I one day cross paths with a boy or girl who tells me, “I had you as a chaplain, vicar, priest … and I messed up because you did not dare to be frank with me.” In order for this to never happen, I want to talk with humility and frankness.

I want to do this for you because at the same time, I am setting you free. This is the second condition. The purpose of these words is not to give you “recipes” to follow slavishly but to nourish your discernment and to stimulate your thinking. Maybe you will not agree with everything I write. But I want to share with you freely what the heart of a priest wants to tell you about this great theme of love. I do this by drawing on the many lectures I gave on the subject to pupils or students in parishes or schools, and on the often deep exchanges they inspired. My thinking has also been fueled by long discussions with the young people who I was and am able to support, but also by the many testimonies received through social networks or through mail from readers of Padreblog. I am indebted also to my fellow priests, those who formed me and gave me the urge to preach about the beauty of true love. I must especially sing the praises of the one to whom I owe so much in this area: Father François Potez, a priest with a father’s heart who inspired me so much.

Although they are enlightened by the Gospel and the Magisterium of the Church, these are personal insights that I offer. You are free to keep what you want. I am speaking freely precisely because I want to leave you free to choose. All I ask is that you find the humility to let yourself be a little surprised, if not shaken. Please read to the end, and take the time to come back so you can discern, beyond mere agreements or disagreements, what you have kept and why.

finally, it might be useful to note that these lines are aimed particularly at fifteen- to twenty-year-olds … all the way up to maybe twenty-two years for some. Why? Not because this is the age for making significant life choices, but because it is a time for laying foundations. We should write a sequel for those who will make a definitive choice in the short or medium term, for the purpose of clarifying the criteria of discernment and the sense of engagement. Beginning around twenty-three to twenty-four years old, young people are clearly thinking from this perspective; they know in their hearts that the story that is unfolding could lead them to a final commitment that no longer seems so distant. We should be careful not to set age delimitations that are too rigid; all this depends on each person’s maturity. Let me just say that my interest is mainly in this period of laying foundations, when it is likely too early to fully engage in love but that the desire to love is already there.

Two Misconceptions

When a priest is called to speak about love and sexuality, one must always start by contesting two challenging ideas that continue to do much harm. Many people, including some of the most Catholic of young people, seem to have these assumptions in mind.

The first misconception is that on the topic of love and sex, all the Church has to offer is a long list of prohibitions. One only needs to look at the expression on high school seniors’ faces when the school’s principal announces that a priest is coming to give a talk on sexuality! Obviously they might get to avoid two hours of math, but that does not prevent them from sighing at least internally, “He will surely tell us not to have sex before getting married!” This is indeed, for the vast majority of people, the complete message of the Church on love, summarized succinctly as “You are not allowed to sleep together before the wedding!”

I am not exaggerating. There is nothing more destructive than this cliché of a Church that would only propose a list of prohibitions, like a bunch of highway codes of love and sex: “That is sin, that is sin, that too is sin … that, you have the right … but that is sin.” There are no encouraging prospects, only red lines not to cross or sins not to commit. It is awful! A chastity that is made only of frustration and boredom is untenable. A morality that points only to limitations is daunting—perhaps even exhausting. Moreover, experience has shown that these limitations will be broken anyway. A priest who would only limit people would not be teaching anything. “Father, how far can I go with my girlfriend without it being a serious sin?” or “Reverend, is foreplay prohibited?” and so forth. Such questions as these clearly reveal the limits of reducing things to what is allowed or forbidden without first conveying a sense of how love can be engendered or how happiness is at stake. It is all in the service of some happiness. And when the Church wants to teach us how to say no, it is always for the purpose of being able to say yes. We first need to talk about this yes. It will give meaning to all the efforts that will be required. Admittedly, my brother priests and myself should probably ask forgiveness for not always providing this knowledge.

The other misconception is that regarding this topic, the Church would actually be … reluctant. And the priests would only be on the defensive, their sole aim being to help avoid or stop the sins that the young people who are under their wing might commit. Worse yet, we think these priests are disconnected. They are “nice,” these priests. But in fact they know nothing. They cannot understand. They are simply there to make us respect theoretical rules that seem incredibly far from reality.