Mad Honey E-Book

Katie Welch

• Herausgeber: Buckrider Books
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Seitenzahl: 483

Beschreibung

When Beck Wise vanished his girlfriend Melissa Makepeace poured herself into caring for the family farm, silently absorbing yet another man disappearing from her life. But when Beck reappears three months later, thin, pale, with no idea what day it is and filled with memories of being bees, a series of layered mysteries begins to unravel. What had happened to Beck? Where did her father go? How can she keep the farm together? With gorgeous descriptions, deft characterizations and a page-turning plot, Mad Honey immerses the reader in a search for truth bounded by the everyday magic of beekeeping, of family and of finding peace, all while asking how much we really understand the natural world.

Leseprobe

Cover

About This Book

Melissa Makepeace poured herself into running the family farm when her boyfriend, and head beekeeper, vanished on an early spring day, silently absorbing yet another man disappearing from her life. But three months later Beck Wise reappears – thin, pale, with no idea what day it is and filled with strange memories of bees – and Melissa finds herself unravelling multiple mysteries. What had happened to Beck? Where did her father go? How can she keep the farm together? With gorgeous descriptions, deft characterizations and a page-turning plot, Mad Honey immerses the reader in a search for truth bounded by the everyday magic of beekeeping, of family and of finding peace, all while asking how much we really understand the natural world.

Praise for Mad Honey

“There is a buzzing hum to Mad Honey, the drone of secrets linking characters together in ways that are both sticky and sweet. From rustic cabins in the Canadian wilderness to Cuban gardens bursting in bloom, from country fairs to dive bars, the reader is taken on a wild ride. Part Canadian farmhouse gothic, part family mystery, Welch’s is a propulsive debut.” – Laisha Rosnau, author of Little Fortress and Our Familiar Hunger.

“Katie Welch reminds us that we are a very small part of a massive and complex non-human world and that, where we heed the lessons of non-centrality, we can also truly love. Mad Honey is a beautiful novel.” – Kathryn Kuitenbrouwer, author of Perfecting and All the Broken Things

Title Page

Dedication

to Will Stinson, for everything

and to my daughters, Heather Saya and Olivia

Epigraph

The busy bee has no time for sorrow.

– William Blake, Proverbs of Hell

Contents

Cover

About This Book

Praise for

Mad Honey

Title Page

Dedication

Epigraph

Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Copyright

Prologue

When he came back to himself he was inside the cabin, stretched out on the narrow mattress where he had closed his eyes, the folded ridges of a scratchy wool blanket pressing into the thin membrane of his skin. There was a musty smell of damp pillows and wet wood, and the distant sound of tires whooshing along a gravel road. So he had ears, and a nose, and long limbs that extended from his torso, and sensitive nerves sending information to a brain that processed information in words. In those first moments, he remembered an altogether different sensory experience, and he dwelled on the details of the dream before abandoning himself to wakefulness, catching fleeting images in his memory like butterflies in a net before they became lost to him.

Beck was whole, but he could feel his pieces. They flew like miniature striped dirigibles, coming and going from the mothership of his hive-body. Instinctively he understood the hum and thrum of life, a pulse that moved not slick red blood, but sweet amber honey. Reflective thought was absent, but he was conscious, in a way humans are not, of the building up and breaking down of things corporeal. Each of his cells was a bee performing one specific duty, the task each bee was created to do: clean, eat, build, come or go. If he sensed his core overheating, he initiated the fanning of wings, maintaining the comfort of his queen. Beck quivered at the thought of her, unique piece of his pieces, part of his parts, reigning over the glorious ordered chaos of the hive, thousands of segmented black legs shuffling up and down aromatic waxen walls, nurseries of white larvae, and perfect hexagons of heavenly honey, sweet honey, rich honey, perfect food of light and love! For a few seconds Beck remembered what it was like to sense the dawn of the sun-day and reach outside himself, sending wavering lines of gold to every fragrant receptacle, every colour-exploding flower. There, inside the flowers, parts of him slipped along silky coloured petals, cushions of fuchsia, yellow, lavender, crimson, rose and white. Inside flowers, all those bits of him sipped, with ten thousand tongues, the nectar he needed and desired. Then he called his pieces back to himself, and deep in his core, waggles spread ripples of promise and pleasure.

The plywood walls of the cabin came into focus. His eyes slid right, toward the brilliance of sun glaring through a window, then left, to a cottage kitchen. A blue enamel kettle, flecked with white and blackened around its base from the propane stovetop, reminded Beck he had a mother who often prepared hot beverages in the emptiness of this space. Glossy photographs thumbtacked above the sink were evidence of a father whose habit it was to capture two-dimensional images for contemplation at some future time. Awareness of these people, his parents, came complete with a history Beck recognized as being his own: shunted from Canada to Cuba and back again a dozen times in his school years, a perpetual stranger, a friend who like a favourite toy got lost, only to turn up again in the yard, faded from weather and stained with mould.

His four limbs were jointed in the middle. He folded them at these junctures and redistributed his weight until he sat on his bottom, facing a chipped mirror screwed directly to the wall. A face Beck recognized as his own wavered in the mirror’s imperfections, toffee-coloured skin, long dark hair and beetle-black eyes. He remembered that kids in his Toronto neighbourhood used to call him Black, and sometimes mistake him for a girl because he was skinny and pretty, with big lips and long eyelashes. In the Havana suburb where his mother’s family lived, kids had called him white. He’d never risen to the bait of juvenile racial slurs, or used name-calling to start a playground fight, but he’d never complained or run away, thus avoiding a reputation as a coward. He had stayed quiet and peaceful, deflecting punches with his elbows in eerie silence, cementing his reputation as Beck Wise, weirdo.

He had been conscious for only a few minutes, but Beck’s identity was galloping back into the paddock of his flesh. He rubbed his eyes, amazed by the squishy resilience of eyeballs, and marvelling at the hard knobs of his knuckles. Little by little he shifted his centre of gravity from his bottom to his feet, straightening the ladder of bones inside his body. Pain ran along his muscles and shot complaints through his fingers and toes. His ability to be ambulatory returned and he took unbalanced steps, coaxing an unfamiliar anatomy closer to the window. Outside, the poplars along the road were shedding brilliant yellow leaves, and the grass around the cabin had the faded look of autumn. It had been early summer, late June, when he had come to the cabin to be alone and had reclined on the rickety bed. Where had he been?

One

The day Beck came back, Melissa was trying to take a day off. It was September 14, her birthday. Daphne had insisted she would do all the morning chores, so Melissa was lying on her side in the grass beside the flower garden, pushing away a dynamic, omnipresent mental list: harvest pears and tomatoes, clear out bean rows, check on the chickens, feed the goats and the donkey, get an oil change on the truck, clean up the outdoor canning kitchen, go over the farm financials and on and on.

It was a breezy day, and the way the grass moved was mesmerizing – swords of pale green clashing silently, battling against a backdrop of white and blue. The breeze blew strong enough to sway individual blades of grass but not the stalwart orange poppies beyond the lawn. The world was sideways from where she lay, the clouds tall instead of long. Orange poppy petals exploded around pointillistic black centres suspended on hairy, pale green stems perpendicular to her body. The weight of her head pressed into the bent elbow of her warm, suntanned arm. A dark lock of hair tumbled across her line of sight, and she tucked it slowly, neatly, behind one of her prominent ears, the fleshy earlobe triple-pierced and adorned with three silver rings. Her broad hands were proportionate to her taller-than-average height and perennially dirty. She wore a creamy white sundress that day – unusual, because she eschewed dresses; they weren’t farming clothes. Daphne, who rocked splashy, multicoloured sundresses in the fields, would disagree.

Melissa was blissing out on poppies painted against deep blue sky. The centre of each poppy was made up of tiny, delicate petals arranged in ever-tightening concentric circles, swirls of orange deepening to a red that was almost black. A rivulet of drool escaped the low side of her mouth and descended, slow and glistening, to her outstretched arm. She observed one poppy in particular, the most splendid flower. The breeze settled, and her whirring thoughts settled too. For a few seconds she experienced the illusion of suspended time, achieving meditative success, the elusive quiet mind she’d heard yoga enthusiasts brag about. She felt and saw only the perfection of the tableau: border of spiky grass, vermilion floral profusion, hemisphere of sky extending to the limits of her vision.

A sound broke the spell, the characteristic buzzing of a honeybee, a high, soft pitch, not the guttural rumbling of a bumblebee. She heard the insect approach but didn’t look for it, focused as she was on the epitome of an orange poppy in all its resplendent stillness. When the bee flew into her sight, she pinpointed the little creature’s location by its insistent hum. Every hair on the bee’s body stood out in sharp definition. Melissa imagined she could see the mosaic of its compound eyes, thousands of iridescent surfaces creating pixelated sight. Quivering in anticipation, the bee navigated the forest of orange flowers and, improbably, chose to land on the very flower she observed. Six black legs twitched, extended and contracted as they assumed the insect’s weight: landing complete.

Melissa broke her meditation, reminded again of yoga classes she had once attended, and how she used to lie still during savasana, waiting for the all-clear so she could get going. She sat up slowly, abs contracting bottom to top, and the universe righted itself. In the distance, the back side of a stone farmhouse loomed up behind the flower garden, erupting out of the earth’s crust, but she kept watching the bee, zeroing in on the delicate filigree of veins in its wings. The flicker of something human in an upstairs window, an arm waving, caught her eye. She tore her gaze away from the poppy and its fascinating striped occupant. Why would you interrupt me now?

Daphne was waving frantically from a bedroom window. Her hair, which she either twisted into tidy braids or allowed to puff out freely, defying gravity, was big that day. A halo of tight brown curls filled the window, and the whites of outsized eyes shone like searchlights in the middle of this mane. Her mouth opened and closed in a pantomime of a spoken name – wide, narrow, wide, repeat.

“Melissa! Melissa, Melissa!”

The faraway voice was an itty-bitty insect noise by the time it reached Melissa, but there was no mistaking the urgency in the swing of Daphne’s arm, or the too-round aperture of her mouth. In an easy movement Melissa levered her nearly six feet of muscle and bone to its default upright position. She reached down and snatched a pair of mirrored sunglasses from the grass, catching a glimpse of her distorted features in the lenses – broad lips, roman nose, black caterpillars of never-plucked brows like thick bridges over hazel eyes. Genetic gifts from her father, mostly; nobody believed her short, blond, snub-nosed mother was biologically responsible for her Amazonian frame and glossy dark-brown hair. She didn’t hurry back, but sauntered, relaxed for the first time in weeks and loath to get uptight again. Daphne and her arm disappeared from the upstairs window, then emerged with the rest of her springy, lithe limbs from the kitchen door at the back of the house. She had the knack of being beautiful, and could do it in ripped pyjamas with a head cold. On the day Beck came back Daphne was especially striking in a green tie-dyed tank top, frayed jean shorts and bare feet. She pursed her lips and arched her eyebrows; Melissa could tell that she’d regretted yanking the birthday girl away from the repose that was supposed to be her present.

“Sorry. It’s Beck. I wouldn’t have interrupted you for anything less.”

“Beck – here? Now?”

“Not yet. On his way.”

Beck had departed one evening in spring, leaving a short note saying he would be back, but taking his toothbrush and his favourite jeans and shirts. As ever, Melissa had been busy. A week had gone by before she’d wondered if he would keep his written promise to return, and at a month she’d known he wouldn’t. She supposed he had broken her heart; Daphne assured her it was definitely broken, but there were ways to shut off inconvenient feelings. When she was young Melissa had found a toggle switch in her chest. Flipped to ON, the switch opened a circuit and allowed pain to course through her body like electricity through a wire. In the OFF position, the current halted. With her heart switched off she could still profess love, nurture animals and mourn sad news. It was as simple as saying the right things, pantomiming feelings, playing emotional charades. But hurt accumulated behind this electrical gate, and there were nights when alone in her room, she flicked the switch and let pain circulate, wiping away the weakness of tears with rumpled bedsheets. As time passed she’d found she could live without Beck her lover. But he was also her beekeeper, and he cared for the livestock: a dozen chickens, Hotay the donkey and goats Jeffrey and Edna. She had muffled romantic sorrow when Beck had evaporated, but business-wise, his departure had been a letdown and a big inconvenience, and it had pissed her off. Ironically, when Beck vanished, he had been trying to protect the Hopetown Farm beehives from colony collapse disorder, a mysterious plague marked by vanishing bees. In the crispy, stifling last weeks of August, the rest of the farm staff had cobbled together what they knew about beekeeping and honey extraction, and planned for the imminent honey harvest. When Melissa had cursed and complained and worried out loud about the bees, she’d overheard sticky sympathy: This is so hard for her – she misses Beck so much.

Daphne chewed her bottom lip and shifted her weight from side to side in an impatient dance, waiting for a reaction. Melissa stifled a germ of excitement – he’s back, he came back – and concentrated on summoning up the bitter taste of Beck’s betrayal.

“Do me a favour? When he gets here, tell him to go away.”

“But don’t you want to know where he’s been?”

“Not really. I stopped wondering a long time ago. Please tell him to leave.”

Daphne narrowed her eyes and folded her arms. “Maybe he got amnesia,” she said. “You don’t know what happened.”

“Oh, give me a break. How do you know he’s on his way – did he call?”

“Natalie called. She spotted him on the road and pulled over to talk to him. He told her he was coming over here today to check on Hotay.”

“Check on Hotay? How does Beck know Hotay’s still alive? What is he thinking, that he left just yesterday? Wow. Just, wow.”

Melissa pushed past Daphne into her favourite room in the farmhouse, an oversized, sunny, butter-yellow kitchen with a blue, red and green Mexican tile splashboard running along spacious wooden countertops. Scooping an apple from a big terracotta fruit bowl, she took an aggressive, juicy bite, chewed vigorously and swallowed hard.

“I don’t want him here. Deliver that message for me. Come on, it’s my birthday – please?”

Daphne picked up her own apple from the bowl and crunched into it, her bite matching Melissa’s in intensity. She spoke wetly, around a mouthful of fruit.

“Nuh-uh. I’m not going to deliver that message.” Daphne wiggled a remonstrative finger. “You need to tell him yourself.”

Melissa didn’t have a problem delegating chores on the farm, or bossing everyone around, as her mother would say, but there was a tendency for that directive energy to spill over into her personal affairs. She had once told – told, not asked – Beck to do her banking while he was in town, after making the farm deliveries. She remembered the wave of indignation she had felt when he had laughed at her. She had opened her mouth to give him a lecture on insubordination, and realized what was so damn funny. Melissa Makepeace, queen of her little realm. Daphne and Beck knew the boundary between their employee and friend roles, and defended it valiantly. Melissa sighed.

“All right, fine. Would you check on Hotay, then, please? And the chickens, and Jeffrey and Edna? I’m going to change, grab a sunhat and attack the weeds.”

“So much for your holiday. You’re supposed to be chilling out beside the lake, remember?”

“Thanks, Daph. You’re sweet, but I can’t sit down now. I’ll get wound up.”

The women swung their apple-free hands together and clasped them, Daphne’s delicate fingers inside Melissa’s big calloused palm. Daphne was Melissa’s adopted sister and understood her better than anyone else; she leaned in, kissed Melissa on the cheek, then whirled and left, letting the wood-framed screen door bang shut behind her. And at that precise moment, it started up again: the old puff-and-tuck routine. Pushing her broad lower lip out past the curved bow of the upper, Melissa forcefully expelled three breaths, blowing errant strands of hair toward the sky. Automatically she tucked this hair from her face, roughly, three severe tugs on each side, anchoring it firmly behind her ears.

Time rocketed back to thirteen-year-old Melissa, kicking the cheap carpet in her therapist’s office, a nubbly brown surface that yielded to the toes of her black army boots. She puffed and tucked compulsively. There was also a thing she did with her tongue, touching all her teeth in turn with the fleshy pink tip. Under no circumstances could tooth-touching be interrupted. At school, her teachers became impatient, and her classmates mocked her. After tooth-touching came thigh-scratching, fingernails gouging at the same spot on both sides of her jeans until she wore holes in the denim. A sniffing pattern was the last straw, the tic that made her mother seek professional help.

“It’s because her father left, two years ago,” Jill Makepeace told the therapist, a sensible woman who wore tailored pantsuits and patent-­leather ballet flats. “He just walked out on us, the unenlightened bastard.”

Jill Makepeace favoured creative New Age insults. Teenaged Melissa slouched beside her mother, carpet-kicking, puff-and-tucking, tooth-touching, scratching and sniffing.

“Thank you, Mrs. Makepeace. I’m going to ask your daughter some questions now.”

“Is it Tourette’s Syndrome? It is, isn’t it? What can you do for her? Is there something she can take, Valium or something?”

“I think if we stay calm, Mrs. Makepeace, and discuss the –”

“She’s getting bullied at school! Do you know what that’s like for her?”

In the end, mother and daughter had to have separate sessions, back-to-back half-hours with the same therapist. The problem wasn’t Tourette’s, after all, but an excess of nervous energy and a lack of self-worth. The therapist taught Melissa techniques for taking back power and being in control. Her mother’s therapeutic journey was learning to stay calm and remain centred. As Melissa settled into being a proper sullen, opinionated teenager, her mother claimed she had learned her therapy lessons a little too well.

“You shouldn’t boss your friends around, Lissy. No one’s going to want to hang out with you.”

“I took my power back, and now I’m supposed to be a doormat? Whatever, Mom.”

Time and maturity had eventually taken care of Melissa’s nervous tics. On the day she turned twenty-three, she was running the farm. She took care of the scheduling, managed staff, distributed produce and balanced the books. The re-emergence of her tics was baffling – if Beck’s departure hadn’t triggered her old compulsions, how was it his return had brought back spastic adolescent anxiety? In the sunny kitchen Melissa spun on her own axis, describing a slow circle, soaking up the comforting familiarity of the heart of her home. She ran her dirty fingernails along wooden chopping-block counters, wiped clean of crumbs, and flicked her eyes over objects she had known forever, as far back as she could remember: orange-and-white ceramic bowls, a crystal butter dish, black cast-iron pans, quilted pot holders embroidered with daffodils and a painted rooster, strutting on the highest shelf beside the copper pots. Loved things, solidly in the places they ought to be. Once, when Melissa was a little girl, her mother had rearranged everything in the kitchen. Arriving home from school, Melissa had surveyed the chaos, all the things in wrong places, and burst into angry tears. She needed to be the instrument of change in her environment.

Beck’s exit would have been easier if she had kicked him out.

She strode from the kitchen down the first-floor hallway to solid wood, double front doors. Grasping a latch in each of her hands, she swung both doors open at once, her hair fanning backward with the power of the gesture. What a fabulously cinematic moment it would have been, had Beck been approaching the farmhouse. In the film it would be springtime, the elegant porch roof draped with cascades of pale lavender wisteria blossoms. Lingering shot of Melissa, standing proudly in the entranceway, wisps of hair lifting gently in a breeze, her expression imperious. Cut to Beck, stopped in his tracks by her beauty and supremacy. His mouth drops open a little in awe. He releases a dirty valise from a gloved hand, removes a weathered fedora and holds it to his chest, observing her lady-of-the-house glory. Slow pan back to her, shaking her head sadly, regretfully. Quick shot of Beck’s black, imploring eyes. Cut back to her, pushing the doors shut with a majestic, ambidextrous swoosh of long, muscular arms. She recites her line: Regretfully, we can’t abide fly-by-nights at Hopetown Farm. Fare thee well, Beckett, and better fortune in your future endeavours!

But there was no one in sight. No one on the gravel path leading from front steps to lawn, or on benches placed like hyphens between maple and blue spruce lining the entrance walkway. Perpendicular to the trees, a cedar hedge filtered out grit and noise from the road beyond. A small gap in the hedge revealed a sliver of this road, a secondary route, the graded gravel surface muddy in spring and dusty in summer. A squirrel darted across the overgrown lawn and Melissa startled, then felt ridiculous. Somewhere nearby a crow was cawing, over and over, a melancholic complaint.

She closed the front doors and plunged into the farmhouse, leaping by twos up the wooden staircase to the second floor: two, four, six, eight stairs to the landing and turn – then two, four, six, eight stairs to the upstairs hall. Four bedrooms and a bathroom sprouted from the trunk of the second-floor hallway. The master bedroom, to the right at the top of the staircase, sat furnished but unoccupied, though sometimes she rented it out to itinerant farmers, globetrotters looking for seasonal under-the-table work. Her parents used to sleep in there, tactfully removed by the length of the building from her childhood room, where she still slept. The next door to the right opened to the main bathroom, tiled in white, with an old porcelain washstand holding soap and towels and a claw-footed tub with rickety shower surround, stained rust and copper-green below the waterspout. After the bathroom came Daphne’s room.

Melissa’s mother had adopted thirteen-year-old Daphne through a social-work program for teenaged foster children. Eavesdropping, she had learned her mother had sought both a farm labourer and a companion for her daughter. Melissa had been thirteen too, and instantly jealous of the interloper’s beauty and city-girl savvy. Daphne’s turbulent past, full of beatings and expulsions, lent her tragic gravitas, and by comparison Melissa felt like a spoiled hick. Jill’s adopt-a-friend ploy had eventually worked, but the first year had been forced, the girls slinking around each other like strange cats, tails twitching, hair bristling. To Daphne’s disadvantaged eyes, teenaged Melissa knew, she was an indulged whiner, specifying what she wanted in her school lunch box and composing wish lists for Santa in October. From Melissa’s point of view Daphne was a usurper, a drainer of resources and an unwanted competitor for her mother’s attention. In the end, their adolescent psyches had united them in their contempt for uptight adult particularities, and they had grown close, learning first to understand and then to love their differences.

The last door on the right of the upstairs hallway led to the smallest bedroom, a claustrophobic space scarcely bigger than a walk-in closet. This was where Beck had lived, before he’d started sleeping with her. She resisted the urge to peek into the other bedrooms, and strode down the hall to her sanctuary, the only door on the west side of the hallway.The other rooms all opened out above the lake and offered commanding views of the water. Her room was long and narrow; her windows overlooked the front yard and the road, the maple and spruce trees and the cedar hedge. Long white cotton curtains diffused light onto pale green walls, and the furniture was a nostalgic mash of rustic antiques and thrift store junk. On the day Beck came back, a ceramic vase on her broken rolltop desk held a bouquet of sweet peas – pink, blue and white. The sheets were in disarray, a giant crumpled white carnation against the chestnut baseboard. Tsk. She pulled roughly at the quilted bedspread, a quick flattening of fabric, then stepped out of the sundress and into jeans and a T-shirt. A tall closet door hung open, and from a jumble of hats on the topmost shelf she extracted a round straw sunhat.

Her mind was whirring like a pinwheel. Why had Beck come back? He might have guessed how badly hurt she had been when he left, how his absence had hollowed out her days. She thumped downstairs and went outside, pressing the sunhat into place, both a shield against the day’s intense rays, and a guard against puffing and tucking. The air above the vegetable fields rippled, distorted by unseasonable heat. Passing a compost station, she lifted two stainless steel pails from a neat stack. In the distance she heard the rough clatter of Joseph Sommerton’s diesel truck.

Joseph, the farmhand, was an old friend of her father’s. He’d worked at the farm since her parents had bought the place, before she was born. When she was eleven Melissa’s father, Charlie Makepeace, had run out on her and her mother. She tried not to think about it, but somehow Beck’s return was bringing up the hateful memory. One icy February day she had woken up and skittered downstairs. Her mother was having a cup of coffee and her face was all twisted up. “Your dad is gone,” she said. Melissa didn’t say anything for a while, then her mother said it again, “Your dad is gone,” and Melissa asked, “Is he dead?” Her mother shook her head ‘no’ and said he was still alive, just gone. Melissa asked over and over why he left and the answer was always the same, “Nobody knows but him.” Then her mother said, “It’s okay, Lissy – we can run the farm without him. We’re going to be just fine.”

She used to hear them fighting after she went to bed, her mother’s voice reedy and insistent as an oboe, interrupted by her father’s trumpet-shouts. “If you’re so goddamn smart, what do you need me for?” One particular daytime argument was lodged in her brain. The gardens were neglected and overgrown that summer, the shrubs unkempt, the lawn shaggy. She was playing outside when she heard her father yell from inside his work shed, “Nobody’s perfect – back off!” Her mother came scuttling out of the shed and walked unsteadily to the kitchen, clenching her fists and talking to herself. Melissa stayed hidden in her tall-grass fort. Years later, she would still remember the sour taste of the stalk she had been chewing, her stomach contracting with fear as she listened to her father curse and kick the shed walls.

Jill Makepeace rose to the challenges of single parenting. She hired seasonal help locally, oversaw the operation of the farm and raised her daughter. Joseph quietly picked up jobs that Charlie had abandoned, the farmhand appearing like magic when strong arms were needed, silently lifting or hauling, restraining a stubborn, aggressive animal or fixing a broken truck. Joseph lived in an ugly brown fifth wheel trailer parked on the northern fenceline. He rolled his own organic tobacco cigarettes and kept to himself. Melissa liked the man’s gruff speech, and treated him like a surrogate uncle.

Melissa’s mother tried hard to compensate for the missing father in her daughter’s life. In summer, they made old-fashioned candle lanterns out of paper bags. The lanterns dispersed a soft, natural light that didn’t interfere with stargazing, and at night they would lie side by side on an old sleeping bag, making up new stories about the constellations, Melissa reaching out to touch her mother’s pretty profile. They swam together in Bow Lake, a fish-laden oblong of water that lapped on a pebbly shore, a short walk southeast of the farmhouse. On winter nights her mother taught her how to knit bumpy sweaters, the wool purchased in clear plastic bags from the Lanark United Church thrift store in colours nobody wanted – walnut brown, anemic yellow. They bartered, exchanging dark green broccoli heads and orange-yolked eggs for pink butcher-paper-wrapped local beef and sausage. “We’re doing it, baby,” her mother used to whisper in her ear when they hugged, “we’re running the farm.”

It bothered Melissa that memories of her father were fading, colour draining from them like newspaper mulch between rows of onion spikes. There was a pleasant memory she revisited over and over when she missed him: Canada geese flew in a V formation against a stormy sky. Her father’s long arm pointed at the flock as it passed, the geese honking, flying so low Melissa could hear wingbeats. He explained why geese flew in a V, and she didn’t understand what he was saying, but she was content and joyful just being with him. There was also a negative recollection stuck on repeat: she was sitting at the dining room table, homework spread out, photocopied sheets of math problems. Her father was scribbling with a pencil, solving equations she couldn’t figure out, punctuating his explanations with impatient arrows and underlining heavily, as if vehemence could force her to understand. There was shouting, a disagreement. She couldn’t concentrate, she hated math and her father was frustrated because she wasn’t listening.

Melissa walked between rows of strawberries covered in netting, then followed an alley of staked bean plants sending tendrils curling into the air around them, seeking support. The bean alley led to a squash plantation where thickets of shepherd’s purse and yellow spears of mullein – hardy weeds that the mulch hadn’t prevented from thriving – jutted among broad leaves. Daphne wasn’t there. Melissa peered back toward the farmhouse, but saw no one.

She had known Beck for a decade before they became lovers. He was at her high school in Lanark and then he wasn’t; he popped in and out of the parochial community, a mysterious, sexy semi-stranger. His parents owned an uninsulated summer cabin about a kilometre toward town. Beck sometimes brought a battered guitar to school, and he was a pretty good singer, especially of his own rambling compositions. His mother, Eurydice, was Cuban. She wore hand-dyed blouses accessorized with large, flamboyant jewellery. She used to visit the farm to buy produce, and Melissa remembered loving the smooth lilt of her Spanish accent. Then, as Melissa embarked on her neurotic teenage years, Eurydice brokered a summer exchange of labour-for-produce with Jill Makepeace, and started showing up with Beck in tow to work mornings in the fields. Gagged by adolescent timidity, Melissa gave Beck a wide berth and tried not to glance at him. He returned her shyness with polite, cool indifference. He made her sick with queasy desire. He took his shirt off oh my God he took his shirt off.

After graduating from high school, Melissa completed part of an undergraduate arts degree at the University of Ottawa before deciding she was wasting her time, because all she wanted to do was farm. She came home to a mother swept up in a gusty midlife storm. Jill had a severe haircut, shaved down to her skull above her ears; she had joined a radical feminist group that picketed the local Catholic church, protesting their stand on contraceptives. She spent more and more time in Ottawa and began to rely on Melissa to keep the farm running. Familiarizing herself with the business, Melissa scrolled through old invoices on the office computer and found letters composed by her father. On grimy keys she ghost-typed the letters of her father’s name as she read his old correspondence. Here he was, requesting overdue payment from Samantha Wells at Natural Foods in Lanark, and here again, suggesting Balvinder Singh, who owned the Produce Point Market in Almonte, buy up Hopetown’s bumper crop of tomatoes.

“Does Balvinder Singh still own Produce Point?” Melissa asked her mother one evening.

“That old coot? He’ll never sell, or retire.” Jill peered over her reading glasses. “Why?”

“He and Dad knew each other pretty well. I found some letters.”

Jill lowered her book and fluttered her eyelashes. “I wouldn’t go dredging up the past with Balvinder. Things weren’t smooth between your father and our retailers. He ruffled feathers.”

“But that was a long time ago.” Melissa saw her mother’s spine stiffen.

“The police talked to everyone, Balvinder too. Oh, honey, we’ve been over this and over it. I know it’s hard to accept.”

“I don’t have to accept anything. Dad’s still missing, and for the millionth time, unlike you, I don’t want to believe he’s dead. And now that I’m living here again, I’m going to try to find him.”

Jill sniffed indignantly, pushed her glasses back up and raised her book to hide her face. It wasn’t long afterward that Jill announced she was travelling to Guatemala and Ecuador on an open-ended ticket, to work on sustainable farms and explore her creativity.

“These are my wisewoman years. You’ll understand when you get to be my age. Beck will start working full time when I leave, and Joseph and Daphne are here for you. Between the four of you, you’ll keep everything running. You and the farm will be fine.”

Her mother’s departure released an avalanche of toil that engulfed Melissa’s days. From before sun-up until she fell into bed exhausted, Hopetown kept her hopping. She let her guard down and befriended Beck, who moved into the little spare bedroom. They talked about farming, about Hotay and the goats, about the bees. Weeding beside him she smelled his dirt-tinged sweat and the private, close scents of skin and hair. Beck loved farming, he said. No better life, he claimed, than to wake up every day where roosters crowed and fields grew food. He didn’t need anything else, he lied. One morning he slipped uninvited into her bed. She woke up and found him there.

“Beck?”

He was naked, not touching her, just there, beside her in bed. Pushing up to her elbows, she saw his eyes were open, his lips parted. A quick heartbeat thrummed in his jaw. Though not a virgin, her sexual experience was limited to clumsy tumbles in dorm rooms during parties and nights grappling with men she didn’t love, segueing to early-morning confused bus rides home before they woke up. That first time with Beck was the template. She went to bed alone and slept alone, and woke up to find him either there, to her delight, or not there, to her damp and desirous chagrin. Out in the fields they talked about gardening, farming, beekeeping, but never about sex, and they both shied away from public displays of affection. In retrospect Melissa guessed they were hiding their affair, and wondered why that had been so. Maybe because she was the boss and he was her employee, which she knew was vaguely uncool.

It was a perfect arrangement. Then he left. And now, for some reason, he was back.

She pulled weeds with a murderous vengeance, right hand manoeuvring a cultivator, left hand ripping roots free from soil and filling metal pails with limp, lifeless plants. She tried not to think about Beck, but the rhythm of her labour lent itself to a disgruntled refrain, selfish, selfish, leaving the way he did. At last the weeding process worked its therapy, and her mood shifted from the jangled dissonance of a jazz drum solo to stuttered acceptance, a classical guitar arpeggio.

Daphne tromped over from the animal enclosures in a pair of battered leather boots. She was ready to weed, armed with a hoe and two more pails.

“No sign of him yet,” Daphne said. “Maybe he won’t show up.”

“I’m not holding my breath. If and when he does, it’s Hopetown Farm, not Hopetown Hostel. I’m serious, I’m sending him packing.”

Melissa smacked the metal cultivator tines into a fresh patch of weeds. A startled black beetle scurried away, escaping the sudden destruction of its green gazebo. Daphne fell in beside her, and Melissa relished the comforting repetitiveness of their actions, an age-old agricultural camaraderie, two women tilling together. The sun shimmered, toasting air that was alive with the whirrs, chirps, buzzes and swishes of a hundred thousand tiny creatures. A garter snake whispered past dry stalks. The earth spun on its axis, light slanting from a different angle each minute.

Morning became afternoon. Daphne, who kept checking, was the first to spot Beck. In Melissa’s peripheral vision she saw him too: a tall silhouette, black hair tumbling to his shoulders, the ropy muscle and sinew of his arms dangling from loose shirt sleeves. He stood in the shade of the house, looking out over rows of vegetables. He didn’t wave.

“He’s here,” Daphne announced.

“I know.”

Melissa didn’t break her weeding rhythm or acknowledge Beck. The work and the sunhat prevented her from succumbing to an overwhelming urge to puff and tuck.

Two

A large housefly came to life and rammed the front window. The repeated impact of insect body against glass made Beck wince. The fly seemed to be the cabin’s only other occupant, though there were sure to be spiders lurking in the corners. Flimsy walls and duct-taped screens answered none of Beck’s whispered questions. Signs of the cabin’s other occasional inhabitants were forsaken and dated; a shrivelled tea bag in a tarnished tablespoon beside the sink smelled of mint, his mother’s favourite; on the bricks-and-boards shelf, an Ursula K. LeGuin paperback, spine cracked and cover faded, had evidently been abandoned by his father mid-read.

Beck’s ma and pa rose like monoliths in his mind.

In day-to-day life Beck’s mother, Eurydice de Famosa, was intense but taciturn; her large brown eyes could deliver searing, scathing disapproval in a brief glare, or melt into chocolate pools of compassionate love. Eurydice, farmer and mother, was also santera, a high priestess of Santeria. In Canada she kept this esoteric vocation mostly veiled, but in Cuba, she was a front-line responder to urgent matters of the spirit. Neighbours would call her in an hour of need – cancer, gambling debt, unwanted pregnancy – and Ma would hurry to gather sticks, bones, shells and oils, and set off to intervene. Whatever the problem, it was sure to be more manageable after a visit from Eurydice de Famosa; her instincts were uncanny and her intuition bordered on clairvoyance.

Those who witnessed Beck’s mother as santera, a medium between the mortal and the sacred, never forgot the experience. Beck’s Cuban peers kept him outside their inner circle, a social avoidance that bordered on fear, as if his mother’s ability to penetrate to the core of predicaments encompassed him. One time Jorge Torrenos, the best forward in the empty-lot pickup football gang, witnessed Beck’s mother channel the Orishas in his aunt’s kitchen, and for a week afterwards, until his shock dimmed, Jorge wouldn’t pass Beck the ball with its scuffed pentagonal pattern, even when Beck signalled madly that he had a clean shot on goal.

Passive and slow to anger, Beck’s pa had his own brand of intensity, a slow-boil stubbornness he employed to outlast his wife’s more volatile moods. Matthew Wise was a professional photographer, a man preoccupied with minutiae, the details of capturing images, light and shadow, composition and frame. During Hurricane Ernesto, while the neighbours shrieked and ran around flapping like chased chickens, Beck’s father had wandered outside with a waterproof telephoto lens and snapped pictures of airborne laundry, flooding streets, crumbling plaster and arcs of electricity where exposed wires had fallen into pond-sized puddles. Peering from between drenched curtains slapping at the walls, Beck had admired his father’s soft yellow aura, the calm disposition that protected him from both hurricane and hysteria. Son grew to resemble father in this respect; Beck was often tranquil, content to observe, easily engrossed in the way sun played in strands of hair, or the progress of a caterpillar on a sidewalk.

As a child Beck had appeared and disappeared, popping in and out of countries at the mercy of his parents’ travel plans, a rabbit-and-hat lifestyle that set him apart from his companions with their stable homes and predictable lives. No matter what month was displayed on the calendar, when his parents felt like going to Cuba they would pack up and leave, neglecting to inform anyone, including his elementary school. In Toronto the guidance counselling staff would scramble to find Beckett Wise, leaving desperate phone messages and once, when he was nine, even contacting the police. His Cuban school administrators were more relaxed and worldly-wise, but on semester breaks, bicycles would skid up to the dusty football pitch, and one player would be missing. Beck, the Incredible Disappearing Weirdo, was somewhere over the continental United States, on a flight to Toronto.

Beck was in the cabin. It seemed to be early autumn. He knew who he was, and where he’d come from, but the rest – missing months, absence of his parents, humming half-memories – was a riddle. He ate a can of stew gleaned from a disused drawer, and fell asleep.

In the morning Beck found himself at the farm, fingers trembling and heart tripping along too quickly, as if it remembered another rhythm. His feet had walked there from the cabin without consulting him. I was a bee colony. Who would believe him – how could he explain? He had slipped sideways before, but this time he had disassembled and become something foreign, a vastly different living thing. There had been no language when he was ten thousand letters of a wordless whole. And now, inexplicably back inside his mortal coil, he had forgotten how to speak.

Beck stood in the shade of the farmhouse, experiencing his body as a tight, single entity. He cringed at the sight of Melissa’s rangy form in the fields. Why had he come? This was where it had begun, the process of – molecularization? There wasn’t a vocabulary for what had happened to him; or if there was, he didn’t know it. He had felt complete, as a colony, but scattered along invisible bee-lines. Becoming human again was like stuffing the thousand thousand parts of him into a skin bag.

Keeping bees on the farm had been Melissa’s idea. Her father had abandoned the farm’s beehives when he left, and she had asked Beck to bring them back to life. Why not? Beekeeping was quirky, a bit weird, a good fit for him. There was a Beekeepers’ Society in Almonte, he found out, a short drive from the farm, and they held monthly meetings at the Lions Hall. Beck started attending, listened, asked questions. About a dozen beekeepers showed up for each meeting, two or three commercial honey farmers and the rest hobbyists. At first he took all their advice – not visiting the bees on stormy or rainy days, for instance, because the experts said bees were grumpy then.

The first time Beck opened a hive, the buzzing sounded hostile, but after a while the persistent drone of bee activity became welcoming, an invitation. He realized he was a benign presence to them. One day he thought, We’re friends. I’m friends with these bees. He wanted to be with them every day, rain or shine. Half an hour a day with the bees turned into two hours, then four. He tapped into their collective brain, contemplating the complexity of the colony. They were marvellous, each bee a single cell in a hive-body, spread out over space. How amazing is that? Everything about honeybees fascinated him: the way they constructed perfect hexagonal architecture, sweet-smelling, bright yellow comb. How they collected ingredients and made stiff, sticky propolis to glue their hive together and protect it. They even grew their own leadership with royal jelly, a white elixir that transformed a standard, plebeian larva into a queen.

And honey. Oh, the honey, tingling on his tongue, sending shivers through his human cells. He ate it at every meal. He kept a jar handy, indulging in little spoonfuls throughout the day. He drizzled honey on Melissa’s naked body, amber beads along her clavicles, a sticky line from navel to pubic bone, and then licked her clean.

After a while, he stopped zipping himself into the protective white shell of his bee suit. Why bother? They were friends, he and the bees, and he had faith they wouldn’t sting him. It was the same with all animals. Put out calm and loving energy, and that was what came back. He wore a hat and veil for a while longer, then put those aside as well. He moved slowly, breathed deeply. He felt serene when he was with the bees, and they never stung him.

Marjorie Hill thought he was nuts. Beck met her at the Beekeepers’ Society meetings. A feisty seventy-something woman, she had kept bees most of her life. She wore her long white hair in two loose braids flopping over pierced ears. Her wrinkled skin glowed, and her eyes sparkled. She was tiny; standing erect, the part in her pale hair barely reached his shoulder. The creases on her face were deepest at the corners of her mouth, parentheses enclosing a lifetime of smiles, he guessed. One evening after a meeting she tugged the sleeve of his jacket.

“They’ll know if you’re anxious, upset, distant – the bees always know. Go to the hives with your mind, body and spirit, or don’t go at all. Why don’t you come visit me and my hives?”

She lived close to his family’s cabin, Beck was surprised to discover, less than a kilometre away, along the same road. In fact, it was astonishing – she was their neighbour! She had been there all the summers as he’d grown up, putzing on her property and keeping to herself, and he had never known her. Her house was a century old, a funny little wooden box. Inside, it was modest and a little bit rundown, what you might expect from the country home of an elderly person living alone. The front door opened into a sitting room full of old but elegant polished-mahogany furniture, and lots of mismatched pillows. A faded pink sofa featured antimacassars hand-embroidered with bees. She hustled him through this room and to the right, into her untidy kitchen, toast crumbs on the counter and a leaning pile of dishes. They drank a glass of water together before heading out to the bee yard, tapping a toast, clink-clink, to the bees!

Marjorie was a consummate beekeeper. Beck could tell by her hives; fresh white- and yellow-painted Langstroth high-rises gleamed in the sun, and flat grassy paths led to each stack of boxes. They suited up and went in. She used her bee tool to lever open the closest hive, removed a frame and held it up to the sun. It was bursting with healthy comb and covered with bees.

“Doesn’t it bother them, when you hold the frame like that?”

“They don’t care. They’re focused on getting their jobs done.”

“I get it.” He tried to sound nonchalant.

“You do, eh? Hmm. I wonder. A bee colony is a complex society. It isn’t just a lot of bees doing different jobs. It’s three different animals, made up of smaller animals.”

“Three animals?”

“They’re called zooids. A zooid is a group of individuals that act like they share a brain. In a bee colony, the zooids are the queen bee, the drones and the worker bees. The queen lays the eggs and gives the orders, pheromonally speaking. The workers do just that – all the work.”

“The drones protect the hive, am I right?”

“No, you’re wrong. The workers protect the hive. The drones, the only males, are harmless, and very nearly useless. They have only one job, but it’s important. Their only raison d’être is sperm donation. The drones fertilize the queen, and they do it all in one night. High above the hive, in a wild bee orgy called the nuptial flight. The queen gets all the sperm she needs, for the rest of her life, in that one big gangbang in the sky.”

Beck blushed, a rarity for him. An old lady was schooling him on bee sex.

He met her twinkling eyes directly, and they burst out laughing. The rest of the afternoon, she opened his bee-eyes. He learned how to locate a queen bee, and how to use a smoker – sparingly – to pacify honeybees. Marjorie knew the history of the boxy Langstroth hives almost everyone used, with their space allowances of precisely one bee-body between frames. By the end of the afternoon his head was reeling with bee facts: propolis, queen excluders, centrifugal extractors, Varroa mites, American foulbrood. She backed up her lessons with hands-on demonstrations. That one afternoon in Marjorie’s bee yard gave him the confidence he needed to begin keeping bees.

Weeks later, Beck visited Marjorie to brag about his progress. He told her he’d stopped wearing his bee suit, and she was miffed.

“Why would you do that? You might not be allergic, but that doesn’t mean the stings are beneficial.”

“I don’t get stung.”

“Oh, the hubris! Well, I’m not going to try to convince you. Experience will be your teacher. Who is stronger, Beck, you or Mother Nature?”

He shrugged this off and proved his theory. Even-tempered by nature, he calmed himself further before approaching the hives, meditating until he was in a sort of bee-trance. He moved slowly, and was careful to never crush or compromise a bee. The happy hum of their buzzing got inside him. It was a frequency he could physically sense, a light vibration all over the surface of his skin. Some days the effect was sexual. Beck felt himself getting turned on, riding a wave of arousal.

Signs of trouble in a hive brought him back into focus, his erection dwindling. Not every larva pupated perfectly. Occasionally he would spot a pale bee missing half a wing, one composite eye askew on her fuzzy little head: damage from Varroa destructor mites. There were many other bee perils, but the Hopetown Farm hives were mostly healthy while he was their keeper. He kept a vigilant watch for wasps, which could invade hives, kill bees and take over the space. An electric fence kept skunks, badgers and bears from knocking over the stacked wooden boxes to feast on brood and honey.

In the news, Beck read about a sinister honeybee plague. Entire colonies were disappearing without a trace. No piles of bee corpses, no predator. The bees simply vanished – there one day, gone the next.

“What do you think causes it?” he asked Marjorie. She had come to show him how to uncap a full frame of honey. They were standing shoulder to shoulder in the outbuilding where the farm’s extraction equipment, some of it purchased secondhand from Marjorie herself, was kept. She ran the edge of a heated knife along capped cells, exposing the precious honey inside.

“People. Greed. Pass me that metal pan beside you. I’ll save this wax and make candles with it this winter.”

Hopetown Farm honeybees harvested nectar in fields of natural wildflowers and spray-free crops; statistically, they had a better chance of survival than bees that pollinated factory farms. The beehives were important to Melissa and to her mother, Jill. But Joseph, the grouchy bachelor who squatted in his trailer at the edge of the farm, disliked the bees, and claimed honey-sale returns weren’t high enough to justify the labour and investment in beekeeping. He was slouching beside the electric fence one day when Beck was showing Melissa – okay, showing off – a full frame of honey.

“Makes no sense. You’re wasting your mom’s hard-earned money, ­Lissy.”

“Let Beck take care of the bees, Joseph, and stop worrying.”

Joseph sauntered away, shaking his head. Beck, disturbed, watched the farmhand leave.

“That guy bothers me.”

“Joseph? Don’t pay any attention to him. He likes to complain about everything.”

Winter arrived. Reluctantly, Beck insulated the hives, stapling cardboard and tarpaper in place, entombing his best friends. Spring seemed a long time away. Compensating for the loss of the bees’ company, he borrowed library books and read everything he could about bees. He watched videos about honeybees, and ate more honey than ever. Melissa was relaxed when there was snow on the ground; they went cross-country skiing together, shared blankets in front of the fireplace and had copious bouts of great sex.

One night in January, he woke up shivering. He had been tossing and turning, fending off a nightmare, and his blankets had migrated to the floor. Fuzzy, half-conscious, he stumbled to Melissa’s room and climbed into the warmth of her bed. He woke up at dawn to Melissa gently shaking his shoulder.

“Beck, you’re buzzing.”

“What?”

“You’re buzzing. Making buzzing noises, like a swarm of bees.”

“My snores sound like bees?”

“No, you’re making a buzzy sound, like a beehive.”

He rolled over to face her, surfacing from dark dream-tunnels.

“Really? I was dreaming about bees. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, never mind.”

She kissed him softly, then harder, and he re-entered his body.

There were just four of them on the pared-down staff that winter; himself, Melissa, Daphne and Joseph. At breakfast the morning after he buzzed, Beck watched the others stuff themselves with scrambled eggs, toast and jam. His own appetite was missing, and he wondered if he were getting sick with the flu. He was afraid Melissa might tell the story about him buzzing in his sleep, but she didn’t. A fine, needle-like snow blew outside the windows, sweeping in horizontally from the northwest. The farmhouse seemed bleak and forlorn. They had boxed up the Christmas decorations, denuded walls and banisters of glitter and greenery. The women planned to bake that day, and Joseph trudged outside, grunting about fixing a fence. For some reason, Beck desperately wanted to press his ear against a hive, but he was self-conscious. He didn’t want anyone to ask him what the hell he was doing in the bee yard in the dead of winter. He went to Hotay’s shed instead.

Hotay was good company, better than Jeffrey and Edna. Melissa kept Hotay to protect the chickens. Donkeys were supposed to keep coyotes and wolves away, braying and kicking when canines came near. “I couldn’t have buzzed,” Beck whispered in Hotay’s long, furry ear, and the donkey nuzzled him placidly, batting long eyelashes and looking like the star attraction at a petting zoo. Hefting hay into the goat and donkey stalls, all Beck could think about was the bees. He kept glancing at the hives, snugly packed in sheets of black, waxed cardboard. He conjured up the smell of sun-warmed grass mixed with deep yellow wax, and listened to an internal soundtrack of the bees’ incessant hum. He missed them way too much. It was shocking how much he thought about them. But he couldn’t stop.

Beck began to hibernate, sleeping twelve, thirteen, fourteen hours a night. Melissa thought he was sick. He still slept in the small bedroom, telling Melissa he slept better alone, but in fact he was having bee-dreams. What if I buzz in my sleep again?

Spring arrived at last. He pulled winter wrappings from hives and the bees were alive – healthy activity in every colony. Beck was much more than relieved. He was inordinately delighted, proud the bees had survived the winter, the way a parent is proud of their kid’s most mundane achievements: riding a bicycle, eating all their vegetables. He visited Marjorie, who indulged his desire to talk about beekeeping exclusively.