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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Fachliteratur
- Sprache: Englisch
A practical, real-world training manual for mid-level management Managing to Make a Difference presents a leadership guide for those in the middle. The C-suite has a wealth of resources for leadership guidance, but middle managers face a quandary: often given little guidance on how to excel, they are also under enormous pressure to do a variety of things other than "lead." This book provides much-needed tools and techniques for building a high-performing team--without letting your other duties suffer. Organized around a coherent philosophy and based on solid research, the discussion offers a roadmap to engagement, talent development, and excellence in management. From difficult situations and organizational challenges to everyday motivation and inspiration, these techniques help middle managers achieve the goals of their organization while empowering their workers to achieve their own. Talent development is probably not your full-time job--yet it drives the engagement that results in high performance. This book shows you how to hit the "sweet spot" of middle management, with a host of tools and strategies to help you help your team shine. * Motivate, inspire, and lead your team with confidence * Manage through challenges and overcome obstacles * Develop key talent and maintain high engagement * Adopt practical management tools based on substantiated research Most organizations direct the majority of their development resources to the C-suite, but still expect their mid-level managers to attract, engage, retain, and develop talent; but successfully juggling everyday duties while maintaining team performance and leading around roadblocks leaves little room for management planning. Managing to Make a Difference offers the solution in the form of tools, techniques, and practical strategy for a high performing team.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2017
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Contents
Cover
Praise for
Managing to Make a Difference
Title Page
Copyright
Preface
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Section I: Cultivate Positive Relationships
Chapter 1: Relationships Create Opportunities to Make a Difference
The Power and Importance of Relationships
Chapter 2: Get to Know Your Employees
Focus on You
Chapter 3: Go Ahead, Get Close to Your People
Chapter 4: Accept People as They Are
Chapter 5: Tolerate Undesirable Behaviors
Chapter 6: Make People Significant
Chapter 7: Prioritize One-on-Ones
How Frequently Should You Meet?
How Long Should Those Meetings Last?
What Should You Discuss in These Meetings…And Who Should Decide?
Chapter 8: Don't Make Relationship Conflicts Worse
Trust and Conflict—You Can Take the First Step
Chapter 9: Apologize
Chapter 10: Forgive
Chapter 11: Cultivate a Great Relationship with Your Boss
Chapter 12: Embrace the Ebb and Flow of Relationships
Section II: Accelerate People's Growth
Chapter 13: Abandon the “Follow Shirley” Method
Chapter 14: Help People Self-Actualize
Chapter 15: Coach to Improve Performance
Chapter 16: Optimize Fit
Chapter 17: Set the Right Expectations
Chapter 18: Ask the Right Questions
Chapter 19: Kick Butt the Right Way
Section III: Maximize Engagement and Motivation
Chapter 20: Emphasize the Why
Chapter 21: Meet People's Needs
Chapter 22: Don't Sit on Good People
Chapter 23: Resist the Temptation to Seize Control
Chapter 24: Empower Your People
Who Gets to Decide What?
Chapter 25: Harness Discretionary Effort
Chapter 26: Solicit Volunteers for Unpopular Tasks
Chapter 27: Create a Sense of Urgency
Chapter 28: Set Challenging Goals
Chapter 29: Be Unreasonably Optimistic
Section IV: Build Extraordinary Teams
Chapter 30: Recruit Continuously
Chapter 31: Bet on Talent
Chapter 32: Ensure the Right Fit
Chapter 33: Match the Right People to the Right Training
Chapter 34: Delegate to the Right People
Chapter 35: Ask for Commitment
Chapter 36: Invest Your Time With Top Performers
Chapter 37: Conduct Occasional Team-Building Events
Chapter 38: Advance from Team to Family
Chapter 39: Avoid the Peter Principle
Chapter 40: Don't Lead People On
Chapter 41: Sometimes Firing Someone Is the Caring Thing to Do
Chapter 42: Never Badmouth Top Performers Who Resign
Chapter 43: Don't Always Take the Easy Way Out
Section V: Shape Your Culture
Chapter 44: Focus on the Right Things
Beware!
Chapter 45: Exemplify Cultural Values in Employee Orientation
Chapter 46: Welcome and Integrate New Team Members
Chapter 47: Adjust to Accommodate New Employees
Chapter 48: Curate Your Organization's Folklore
Chapter 49: Enliven Cultural Values and Expectations
Chapter 50: Provide Frequent, Candid Feedback
Chapter 51: Shape a Culture of Recognition and Appreciation
Chapter 52: Emotionally Rehire People
Chapter 53: Celebrate Personal and Professional Accomplishments
Chapter 54: Ask, “How Can I Help?”
Chapter 55: Encourage Employees to Have Fun
Chapter 56: Address Poor Performance
Chapter 57: Address Bad Behavior
Chapter 58: Exert Moral Authority
Chapter 59: Rise Above the Politics
Chapter 60: Don't Chase Hearsay, Rumors, or Gossip
Chapter 61: Speak Positively about Those Not Present
Section VI: Embrace Change
Chapter 62: Embrace Uncertainty, Be Confident, Instill Hope
Chapter 63: Encourage Suggestions: Have an Appetite for New Ideas
Chapter 64: Don't Strive for 100 Percent Buy-In
Chapter 65: Take Action on Legacy Employees
Chapter 66: Replace Employees Who Are Blocking Change
Chapter 67: Overcommunicate During a Management Transition
Chapter 68: Prepare for the Unknowable Future
Section VII: Invest in Your Own Growth
Chapter 69: Develop Yourself
Chapter 70: Define What Success Means to You
Chapter 71: Spend More Time on the 20
Chapter 72: Build Your Strengths
Chapter 73: If You Have Been Newly Promoted, Just Take Charge
Chapter 74: If You Feel Trapped in Your Job, Change Something
Chapter 75: Take Steps to Fit in on a New Job
Chapter 76: Hire Some People Who Can Replace You
Chapter 77: Find a Mentor
Chapter 78: Become a Better Mentee
Chapter 79: Express Your Gratitude
About the Authors
Larry Sternberg, JD, Talent Plus Fellow
Kim Turnage, PhD
Index
End User License Agreement
List of Illustrations
Figure 2.1
Guide
Cover
Table of Contents
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Part 1
Chapter 1
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Praise for Managing to Make a Difference
“Larry Sternberg has delivered several training programs for AMC managers over the years, and he has truly made a positive difference in our company. I am pleased he has written Managing to Make a Difference because I know he helps managers grow.”
—Jeff Portman, President and Chief Operating Officer, AMC, Inc.
“Around the year 2000, I worked with Larry Sternberg to develop a management training program for Marietta Memorial Hospital. Like Managing to Make a Difference, the program went beyond theory, emphasizing implementation in the workplace. That program played a key role in helping our managers improve their effectiveness. What Larry teaches works.”
—J. Scott Cantley, President and CEO, Marietta Memorial Hospital & Memorial Health System
“I have had the pleasure of working with Larry Sternberg twice in my career, at two different companies. He's the real deal—a transformational mentor who unfailingly follows the suggestions in his book and manages teams that consider their experiences with him to be extraordinary. After having the good fortune of joining him on the executive team at The Ritz-Carlton, Tysons Corner, I modeled my leadership style after his and truly believe his guidance has positively impacted thousands of employees. If you strive to become an effective, compassionate manager—one who truly makes a difference—this is a book you won't be able to put down.”
—Marie Minarich, Director of Human Resources, The Jefferson Hotel, Washington, DC
Managing to Make a Difference
How to Engage, Retain, And Develop Talent for Maximum Performance
Larry Sternberg
Kim Turnage
Cover image: © mustafahacalaki/Getty Images, Inc.Cover design: Wiley
Copyright © 2017 by John Wiley and Sons, Inc. All rights reserved.
Talent Plus® is a registered trademark of Talent Plus, Inc.Focus On You® is a registered trademark of Talent Plus, Inc.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.Published simultaneously in Canada.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 646-8600, or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax (201) 748-6008, or online at www.wiley.com/go/permissions.
Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for damages arising therefrom.
For general information about our other products and services, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at (800) 762-2974, outside the United States at (317) 572-3993 or fax (317) 572-4002.
Wiley publishes in a variety of print and electronic formats and by print-on-demand. Some material included with standard print versions of this book may not be included in e-books or in print-on-demand. If this book refers to media such as a CD or DVD that is not included in the version you purchased, you may download this material at http://booksupport.wiley.com. For more information about Wiley products, visit www.wiley.com.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
Names: Sternberg, Larry, 1950- author. | Turnage, Kim, author.
Title: Managing to make a difference : how to engage, retain, and develop talent for maximum performance / Larry Sternberg, Kim Turnage.
Description: Hoboken, New Jersey : John Wiley & Sons, Inc., [2017] | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2017007230 (print) | LCCN 2017016247 (ebook) | ISBN 9781119331834 (cloth) | ISBN 9781119331827 (epdf) | ISBN 9781119331780 (epub)
Subjects: LCSH: Personnel management. | Employee motivation | Employee retention. | Performance.
Classification: LCC HF5549 (ebook) | LCC HF5549 .S8435 2017 (print) | DDC 658.3—dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017007230
Preface
It is entirely possible to accomplish business goals and earn promotions without making a positive difference in your employees' lives. We wrote this book for managers who do want to make that kind a difference, as it adds a powerful source of meaning and satisfaction to their work lives. In fact, when managers intentionally focus on making a positive difference, it becomes easier (and more fulfilling) for them to achieve business goals and progress in their careers.
We want this book to serve as a guide to help you grow as a manager. Not only do we provide a series of lessons, we also suggest a set of practical “experiments” that enable you to put the principles into action and learn from your own experience.
Not only are our recommendations supported by research, but over the course of his career, Larry Sternberg has put into practice every recommendation in the book. These recommendations work in the real world.
More than one reader pointed out that the strategies and tactics we teach can be used with family and friends to make a big difference in their lives. We invite you to keep this in mind as you progress through the book.
Acknowledgments
Larry wishes to thank the following people for their contributions to this book:
My wife, Salli, whose unconditional love, belief, and support lift me up in everything I do.
My coauthor, Kim Turnage, who improved the final product far beyond what it would have been without her. Kim, I love working with you.
My boss, Kimberly Rath, for her unequivocal and generous support of this book, without which it would not have happened at all.
Carolyn Weese, for her proofing, formatting, and many other important contributions in getting this work submitted to our publisher.
Raschelle Casebier, for her contributions in getting this work submitted.
Sigi Brauer and Horst Schulze, for teaching me and giving me opportunities to grow as a manager and leader.
Vicki Denfield, Steven Freund, Jim Horsman, Marie Minarich, Fadi Ramadan, and Eric Swanson—the executives at The Ritz-Carlton, Tysons Corner, who taught me and supported me in my leadership journey. Each of you has made a big difference in my life.
Keith McLeod and Steve Marx, whose early critique helped us make major improvements to the book.
Doug Rath, whose teaching and support over the years has helped me grow.
Kim wishes to thank and acknowledge:
Larry Sternberg, for trusting me to help make his dream of this book a reality. Larry, I love working with you, too. What's next?
My husband and best friend, Rick Turnage, who has kept the promise he made 26 years ago to grow with me and help me grow, and who also happens to be one of the very best managers I know.
My dad, Wayne Guthrie, who was my first example of a manager who makes a difference and whose positive influence lives on in the hearts and minds of all those he left behind.
My first and most constant teachers and mentors, my mother, Chris Guthrie, and my grandmother, Verlene Schoen.
All the teachers, coaches, mentors, and managers who invested in me and helped me grow, most especially Larry Meyer, Greg Olson, Doug Rath, Ray Myers, Gwyn Bagot, Nan Fullinwider, Gary Pepin, and my teacher, mentor, and friend of 27 years and counting, Calvin P. Garbin.
My children, Connor, Arin, and Peyton—individually and together, you have been my greatest teachers about the power of discovering and nurturing the strengths and talents that make each person unique.
Introduction
What is managing to make a difference? Ask the next five people you see to tell you about a manager who made a difference in their lives, and see what you hear. Here are some responses we got when we asked that question:
“She was supportive and highly in tune with my strengths. She consistently looked for ways to maximize my potential, always recognized my work, and helped me realize how much value I added to the organization. She was a mentor and coach but, most importantly, a friend.”
—Jess Karo describing her manager, Trisha Berry
“I had a manager on the police department who would inspire us before the DWI detail we had every year during the month of December. He would plan a theme for the month. His squad was called the South West Weasels. The first year was ‘Weasels in Wonderland.’ He brought New Year's confetti poppers and sparkling grape juice to our kickoff. We drank to our success and sang songs. (Think of that—45 macho cops singing together!) He would then carefully assign people to various job tasks. The traffic oriented cops went out to stop cars. The more warm and fuzzy cops took calls for service. The burly ones were assigned to break up wild parties. Everyone was assigned to the jobs they were most successful at and gravitated toward. Job satisfaction was very high, and he played to people's strengths. Plus, everyone knew Mike had our back. No other brass would mess with Mike's squad. He was supportive, empathetic, the most creative person I have ever met, and he was all about our success and development. Additionally, he was a great resource and one of the best police officers I had ever seen. When I got promoted to Sergeant he mentored me. The first thing he told me was, ‘Always come down on the side of your cops. No one else will stick up for them so you have to. They always get the benefit of the doubt.’ Words cannot convey how formative he was for me.”
—Kent Woodhead describing his manager, Mike Siefkes
“I would thank her for being a positive moving force in my life. Our days would get very busy, and she worked alongside us to ensure we all met the goal together as one team. My manager was appreciative, supportive, gracious, and a dear friend. We don't work together anymore and I wish we did. Still friends today, she continues to shape my life and future for good.”
—Makenzie Rath describing her manager, Renuka Ramanathan
“He had two main gifts: seeing gifts in people that they didn't even know were there (and encouraging them to use those gifts!), and having a clear vision and goals, but at the same time making everyone around him feel like they were an important part of it all.”
—Matt Schur describing his manager, Larry Meyer
Try it yourself. This book is full of experiments, so make this your first one. Seriously. Ask the next five people you see to tell you about a manager who made a difference in their lives. They will not tell you about the business goals those managers achieved or the processes they improved or the awards they won. They will tell you about how those managers saw something in them, fanned a spark into a flame, and helped them grow. They will use words like trust, mentor, coach, grow, inspire, listen, empathy, potential—and friend. Those are the managers who make a difference—the ones who make people their highest priority and, as a bonus for that investment, achieve more, and perform better.
We wrote this book for managers who want to make a positive difference in the lives of the people they lead. We designed it as a kind of handbook. Each chapter stands alone so you can, if you like, open the book at random and start anywhere. But we also put the chapters in an order that allows them to build on one another as the book progresses. In this book, we provide real-life stories along with a series of lessons. We also suggest a set of practical “experiments” that enable you to put the principles into action and learn from your own experience.
Not only are the recommendations in this book supported by research, but over the course of his career, Larry Sternberg has put every single one into practice in his own work as a manager and leader. These recommendations work in the real world, and our experience tells us that, as you strive to be the kind of manager who makes a difference, you will not only improve engagement, performance, and retention among your team members (which translates to better results for your organization), you will also find a greater sense of fulfillment and meaning in your own work.
As you incorporate the lessons and experiments in this book into your daily work as a manager, you will increase your capacity to make a difference in the lives of the people you manage. The strategies you learn in this book can also carry over into your interactions with family and friends so that you make a bigger difference in their lives, too. And if someone asks a person you have managed, “Tell me about a manager who made a difference in your life,” the manager he or she describes could very well be you.
Section ICultivate Positive Relationships
Chapter 1Relationships Create Opportunities to Make a Difference
Sometimes moments of enlightenment are not about matters of profound wisdom. But they are moments of enlightenment, nevertheless.
Bernie Goes on a Bender
In the early 1980s, in Atlanta, Georgia, I experienced an important moment of enlightenment about turnover and retention of employees.
I love diners and it is my custom to have breakfast on my way to work. I always eat at the same diner. Over time, I get to know many of the employees, and they get to know me. So it was in Atlanta, during the time I was corporate director of human resources for a prominent hotel company.
One morning, as I walked through the door, Shirley poured my coffee and put in my order. She did not need to ask me; I always had two eggs over easy, with grits, toast, and bacon, crisp. As I took my seat at the counter, I noticed that one of the cooks was not there and had not been working for a few days. So I asked Shirley, “Is Bernie okay?” She replied that he had been absent and had not called in. It was evident that she was worried.
A couple of days later Bernie was back on the line cooking my breakfast. Naturally, I asked what happened. Bernie had gone on a drinking binge (my father would have called it a “bender”) and had finally surfaced in a small town many miles away. Someone from the diner had gone there to bring him home. The other employees were very angry with him. In fact, Shirley was not speaking to him.
This was my dramatic moment of enlightenment. Bernie had simply come back to work. Albeit with the need to atone for his transgression, but he had returned to work.
I realized that, in my company, Bernie would have been terminated for “three days no show no call,” because we had a highly sophisticated set of rules and policies that had to be administered consistently. Consequently, we would not have been able to make an exception for Bernie.
Did I mention that Bernie had 17 years' tenure at this diner? Shirley, who was the low seniority employee, had been there for only 10 years.
This diner, which could not have been more “Mom and Pop,” was out-performing me on the issue of retention. In part, it was because they did not have an employee handbook with a set of policies that required Bernie to be terminated. As I began to reflect on this issue, I realized that the purpose of many of our rules was to make it easy to fire people.
Think about employee orientation and employee handbooks. In many companies, the theme seems to be, “Welcome to our company! We want to make sure you know the reasons you can be punished (up to and including termination!).”
We make everyone sign a document (usually the last page of the handbook) attesting that they have read these rules. We need the signature, of course, in case we have to prove in court that they were aware of the rules and of the consequences of not abiding by them. We start building our case for termination on their first day of work!
You can probably cite numerous reasons why this is a good idea in today's litigious business environment. Maybe you believe such rules are a good business strategy. Maybe you are a little more ambivalent and would prefer not to have these kinds of rules, but you consider them a necessary evil. Either way, be honest about whether or not they contribute positively to retention. They do not.
In business, we often invest more in ensuring that we can fire our poor performers than we do in retaining our good performers. Rules designed to make it easy to fire people also make it more difficult to retain them.
All human communities have rules and need rules to function effectively. Even that diner had unwritten rules, and Bernie violated one when he did not call to tell his coworkers what was going on. But his punishment was that people were angry. Just like a family. Many organizations say that they are “like a family.” The diner was actually living it.
Why was the diner able to function without a set of written rules?
Relationship.
At the diner, people resolved their challenges through relationship rather than rules. That's what this book is about:
The Power and Importance of Relationships
The late Dr. William E. Hall taught psychology at the University of Nebraska–Lincoln and studied relationships for more than 50 years. He was a pioneer in the field of positive psychology. Dr. Hall defined relationship in this way: “Relationship is the response one human being makes to another human being.” This might strike you as oversimplified. It struck me that way when I first heard it. But over the past 25 years, I have come to appreciate its wisdom. Just think about it for a minute. If I respond to you in ways that you view as helpful or supportive in some way, you characterize our relationship as positive. If I respond to you in ways that you consider unhelpful, unsupportive, or hurtful, you characterize our relationship as negative. If I do not respond to you, we do not have a relationship.
If you are a manager, the relationships you cultivate with people have tremendous power. This book will help you cultivate the kinds of relationships that make a difference. People spend the majority of their waking hours at work. How can you cultivate the kinds of relationships that get people excited about coming to work, win their loyalty to your leadership, and cement their commitment to your organization? Building those kinds of relationships matters, not just because people matter but also because those kinds of relationships drive the growth and profitability of organizations. Here are some eye-opening research findings about how managers make a difference:
Managers do the coaching that hones potential into top performance. Top performers are 19 to 48 percent more productive than others, depending on the type of job.
1
Managers influence at least 75 percent of the reasons people give for voluntary job turnover.
2
The impact managers have on engagement and turnover goes straight to the bottom line. Disengaged employees cost organizations $3,400 for every $10,000 in salary, and turnover costs range from 48 to 61 percent of an employee's annual salary.
3
In this book we provide a lot of concrete suggestions for managing to make a difference—so many suggestions that we do not expect anybody to try them all. Our purpose is to help you identify approaches that suit your unique style. Think of your part of the organization as your laboratory. You are in the laboratory every day. You can experiment with different tools and tactics. Just pick something that appeals to you and try it. And then pay attention to your results. If it works for you, keep doing it. If it does not work, quit doing it.
The suggestions we offer come from over 50 years of combined leadership and consulting experience focused on best practices in engaging, retaining, and developing top performers. We have partnered with individuals and organizations to create great places to work in which people grow and relationships thrive. We do not claim that our approach is the only way, but it is effective, positive, and affirming. It is the furthest thing from motivational fluff. It is reality-based in every way.
The successful use of these best practices involves accepting the following realities:
Relationships in the workplace matter. In particular, the relationship between an employee and his or her manager has the biggest impact on that person's engagement, retention, and development. Therefore, as a manager, you can make a huge difference.
Adults have identifiable patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behavior that are deeply ingrained and very difficult to change. We will call these patterns “themes.”
Aptitude exists. Aptitude is the natural
potential
to do certain things really well—possibly at a very high level of excellence. In discussing aptitude, we will often use the words
talent
and
giftedness.
Every person has aces and spaces—things they naturally do well and things they naturally just do not do well.
One more thing before you dig in. It is important to recognize that the results you are getting now are based on the ways you are doing things now. If you want the same results going forward, do things the same way. If you want significantly improved results, you have to have the courage to ask, “What can I do differently?” We recognize that there are real risks involved in trying new methods. That is why it takes courage. But it is the only way to improve. If you have the courage to experiment, we offer some great places to start.
Notes
1.
John E. Hunter, Frank L. Schmidt, and Michael K. Judiesch, “Individual Differences in Output Variability as a Function of Job Complexity,”
Journal of Applied Psychology
75, no. 1 (February 1990): 28–42. doi:10.1037//0021–9010.75.1.28.
2.
Jennifer Robison, “Turning Around Employee Turnover,”
Gallup Business Journal
, May 8, 2008,
www.gallup.com/businessjournal/106912/Turning-Around-Your-Turnover-Problem.aspx
.
3.
Kimberly Schaufenbuel, “Powering Your Bottom Line through Employee Engagement,” 2013,
www.kenan-flagler.unc.edu/∼/media/Files/documents/executive-development/powering-your-bottom-line.pdf
.
Chapter 2Get to Know Your Employees
The first step in cultivating positive relationships is getting to know your people. Right away, we are giving you a simple, practical tool that will help you rapidly build positive relationships with people you have just met. It will also help you improve relationships with people you already know. The tool, called “Focus On You®,” consists of the following six questions.
Focus on You
What name do you prefer to be called?
If you boil it all down to a few words, what do you really get paid to do?
What are your positive hot buttons—your interests in and out of work that are instant conversation starters?
Tell us about two successes you have had, one professional and one personal.
What do you do best—in and out of work?
Tell us about two goals you have, one professional and one personal.
To use this tool with one or more people, hand out a blank copy of the Focus On You Worksheet to everyone and explain the six questions. Give everyone (including yourself) a few minutes to make notes on their own responses to the six questions in the boxes provided. Take turns allowing each person (including yourself) to share their answers to all the questions, without interruption. Then invite follow-up questions. Each person should take three to five minutes. Take notes on what everyone says. These notes are worth keeping and referring back to later. We have provided an example that includes Kim's notes on her own answers and her notes on Larry's answers to the six questions. You can find printable Focus On You worksheets on our website at ManageToMakeADifference.com.
Figure 2.1
Focus On You works one-on-one or in groups. You must do this in person, face to face, and you must always answer the questions yourself. The point of Focus On You is for everyone involved to learn a few things about everyone else.
Experiment: Conduct Focus On You
Conduct Focus On You with your current direct reports. Take notes on what they say.
Highlight in your notes everything new you learned about each person.
Conduct Focus On You with every new hire on your team within their first two days on the job. Remember that you must answer the questions, too.
After you have completed steps 1 through 3, answer this question: How has this made a difference?
Note: You can also do Focus On You with significant others or friends. Hal, a seminar participant and senior vice president for a large manufacturing company, did Focus On You with his family. He found out he was calling his daughter, Melissa, by the wrong name. She preferred Missy. Focus On You was only a small portion of the seminar he attended, but Hal insisted that outcome with his daughter, on its own, was worth every penny he paid for the seminar.
Chapter 3Go Ahead, Get Close to Your People
Many managers are taught, “Do not get too close to your people. Be friendly with them, sure. But you need to know where to draw the line.” Sound familiar? Unfortunately, practicing this approach diminishes your ability to motivate and retain your top performers. Again, you have to choose your basic philosophy. Do you want to conduct your relationships so that it is easier to fire people or do you want to respond to people in ways that enhance retention?
What level of relationship should you have with your coworkers? Where should you draw the line? Our answer is: Do not place limits on the depth of your friendships with coworkers. The world is full of misguided thinking that passes for wisdom. People are taught not to get close with their coworkers or with their direct reports. Do not heed that advice.
Think about the reasons that people tell you not to get too close.
“Familiarity breeds contempt,” is one of the most commonly repeated reasons.
If that statement were true, the people who have the most contempt for you would be your closest friends and relatives!
Here is the next reason people advocate not getting too close to your employees:
“You may have to discipline that person.”
The fact that it is emotionally unpleasant to discipline someone you are close to is a good thing. You will first try to persuade them through conversation that they will be better off if they change their behavior. The closer your relationship, the more likely you can influence them to correct their behavior before you need to resort to disciplinary action. And if you do need to go there, these employees will see that it is painful for you. And that sends the right message.
Lesson
The closer your relationship is with someone, the easier it is to influence that person to change his or her behavior.
“But,” some will say, “if you are too close to that employee, you might avoid the discipline because you don't want to hurt their feelings or damage your relationship.”
That is a powerful point. Many managers fall into the trap of avoiding close relationships for exactly that reason. They do not reflect on the fact that it is your closest friends, the people who care most about you, who are willing to deliver difficult messages. Who tells you that you have bad breath? Not a stranger, usually. Why is that? Because the person who tells you knows that the interaction will be uncomfortable at best, and it might hurt your feelings. But someone who cares about you is willing to work through those uncomfortable feelings to help you. The stranger does not need the hassle.
If you are a parent, think about the times you have delivered difficult messages to your children—messages that possibly made them cry. Why did you do that? Because you enjoy hurting their feelings? Of course not. You did it because you wanted to help them be the best person they could be and you knew that they needed to hear what you had to say. You care so much about them that you are willing to work through the hurt feelings.
Lesson
The closer you are to someone and the more you care about them, the more willing you are to have difficult and unpleasant conversations. The other person will know that you have their best interests at heart.
Great managers do not let their relationships prevent them from doing their jobs, even when they must discipline their friends.
The Concierge
This is a story about Horst Schulze, legendary chief operating officer of The Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company. At one point, Horst was the general manager of a hotel that was hosting a major dog show. Dogs are not known for their discretion about where they poop. So he hired a number of temps whose job was to walk around the public spaces and scoop the poop.
He noticed one young man, Walt, who had a terrific personality. In addition to scooping the poop, Walt was smiling and cheerfully greeting passersby—just what you want hotel employees to do. Furthermore, he had taken the initiative to learn the names of the meeting rooms so that he could help people with directions.
After the temp job was over, Horst gave Walt a job and became his mentor. Over the years, Walt became an excellent hospitality professional, and they became friends as well. Wherever Horst went, Walt followed, steadily advancing in his career.
One day, the hotel security department caught Walt doing an illegal activity while on the job. Termination was the only option. Horst was devastated. He literally cried, but he did his job.
The employees in the hotel knew the facts. And they saw that Horst did not try to make an exception or cover up the incident to save his friend's job. People respected that.
Lesson
People do not lose respect for you because you become friends with some employees. They lose respect when you decide not to do your job as a manager.
Look at the next objection to forming close relationships:
“People will accuse me of having favorites.”
Here is reality: You have favorites now.
It is human nature. You have better chemistry with some employees than with others. And, by the way, your employees know very well who your favorites are. You might not treat these people differently in terms of rewards, shift preferences, rule enforcement, et cetera. But people know that you have favorites. So…
Lesson
Don't worry about having favorites because it is unavoidable. Just make sure that you give people rewards based on performance, not based on the relationship.
“But,” you may ask, “what are the benefits of forming close relationships with my employees? It is fraught with risk. Why should I take these risks?”
Imagine you have a very serious problem in your life, a problem in which you need someone to show up on your doorstep tomorrow morning. The deadline is nonnegotiable. They must show up tomorrow morning. Who would you call? Who would absolutely do this for you? Have a real person in mind before you read further.
You are probably thinking of someone with whom you have a close relationship. Your certainty that this person will show up to help is based entirely on your relationship.
Managers who are close to their people can ask for more effort and better results. They can ask people to hang in during difficult times. They can ask people to try a new process. They can ask for forgiveness when they have exercised poor judgment. And even when they do not ask, managers who are close to their people inspire more discretionary effort. Discretionary effort is people's willingness to go above and beyond, to do more than the minimum requirement.
Lesson
When you have close, positive relationships with your people, they will do things for you, not because there is some reward for them, but simply because they care about you…And because they know you care about them.
But doesn't this go both ways so that they can now ask you, their manager, for more effort and better results?
Yes, it does. If you are not willing to extend yourself for your people, why would they extend themselves for you?
Lesson
Your proactive efforts to strengthen the relationships with the people you manage will increase motivation, engagement, and loyalty.
Some readers will definitely be uncomfortable with this approach and will outright reject it for the reasons discussed in this chapter. That's okay. Every manager has his or her own style. Relationships—personal as well as professional—always involve risk.
But we know there are some managers out there who have questioned the common advice to keep a distance, to draw a line. We are speaking to you. In your heart of hearts, you have said to yourself, “Things feel better when I get close to my people.” To you, we say: Go for it. Give it a try. See what results you get in your laboratory. The risks are well worth the rewards.
Experiment: Strengthen Relationships
Find opportunities to get together with your employees outside of work. Do this at least every couple of weeks, or more often.
If you are inclined to pursue friendships with certain employees, do it.
Find out what is going on in people's personal lives. Demonstrate that they are of interest to you.
After 90 days, think about how this has made a difference. Are people more supportive of each other? Do you sense an improved esprit de corps? Has morale improved?
Chapter 4Accept People as They Are
Accepting people as they are—not asking them to change—is the most important aspect of cultivating positive relationships. In fact, this is the most important chapter in the book. This chapter can change your life.
Bill's Lesson Learned
A friend, Bill Kerrey, tells this story. His daughter did not keep her room neat and tidy and Bill was determined to help her change that.
Every weekday he would drive her home from school. The drive was tense because they both knew that when they got home, he would look at her room right away. Every day it was messy, and every day the evening went downhill from there. He tried every technique in the book (and some that were not in the book) to motivate her to change. Nothing worked.
One day he realized that his focus on keeping her room neat was damaging their relationship, and he realized that his relationship with his daughter was way more important to him than a clean room.
That day on the drive home he asked her about her day. When they got home he did not inspect her room. He just closed the door. He figured out that if he did not see it, it would not bother him. So he just quit focusing on her room, and he quit asking her to change. He accepted her as she was.
Bill reports that his relationship with his daughter improved overnight.
Dr. William E. Hall defined a “life theme” as a pattern of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that is persistent over time. Every time you describe someone, you are naming themes: cheerful, thoughtful, lazy, organized, courageous—get the picture? These descriptions help us predict the behaviors we are likely to observe in others.
