My Dark Nights E-Book

Donald Mitchell

• Herausgeber: WS
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 148

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021

Beschreibung

My Dark Nights: Encounters with God was written from the author’s notes taken during his experiences of encounter during two Dark Nights. St. John of the Cross wrote his famous work on “the dark night of the sense” and the “dark night of the spirit.” Each person’s experiences of the two Dark Nights are unique. This book, written by a layperson, presents his encounters of God’s purifying and enlightening grace and transformation brought about in each Night. In the Darkness of the first Night, he received the graces of healing and contemplation that opened him to a deep relation with God as Love, and with Jesus. This prepared him for a life of dialogue with Buddhism, especially working for the Pontifical Council for Interreligious Dialogue. The Darkness of the second Night was much longer and more painful, leading to the peeling back of his false self and the discovery of his true self. Along with this discovery, he also found within the center of his soul the divine presence of God, the Word of God/Jesus and Mary. Finally, he experienced God in all of humankind and nature by Whom we are all brothers and sisters. My Dark Nights is the first published work on the actual experience of the Dark Night of the Sense and the Dark Night of the Spirit. It is required reading for anyone interested in learning about this unique experience.

Leseprobe

Advance Praise for

My Dark Nights:Encounters with God

“This deeply personal, stunningly honest portrayal of Don Mitchell’s experiences offers the reader a very explicit, contemporary example of the Dark Night. From its descriptions of searing purifications that progressively stretch the soul’s capacity for God to its witness to life-changing transformations, these experiences ring true to the teaching of John of the Cross. Above all, they testify, as John does, to the possibility and wonder of a life of love lived in deep communion with Jesus Christ. In our sad time, the healing of emotional disconnectedness, the letting go of inner barriers, the movement toward deeper solidarity with those persons who are suffering are marks of this union we need to cherish. They open one’s heart to enfold the collective grief of humanity with compassion, healing, and hope. Mitchell’s experience holds out the promise of such a transformation of consciousness.”

—Constance FitzGerald, O.C.D.Baltimore Carmel

“The experience of the ‘Dark Night’ constitutes a crucial passage in the spiritual doctrine of the Christian tradition: the ‘Passover’ into the Bosom of God within the soul. The Dark Night, about which Chiara Lubich speaks, lived in union with Jesus Forsaken is a luminous testimony of this passage by Donald Mitchell. His pages on such Dark Nights tell of his intense life of encounter with God. These pages are enlightened by the experience of passing through Dark Nights to obtain the ‘fruits of the Holy Spirit’ that contributed to his work in the Church’s dialogue with the great religious traditions of humanity.”

—Fr. Piero CodaSophia University InstituteThe Vatican’s International Theological Commission

“At long last, we have in this intriguing volume containing a Catholic layperson’s detailed account of his own authentic experiences of the Dark Night of the Senses and the Dark Night of the Spirit. Don Mitchell invites the 21st-century reader into his own purifying and transforming journey, the fundamental contours of which were classically described by St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila. This Jesuit took special delight in witnessing a brother Jesuit’s expert accompaniment of the author as he moved from discursive prayer into the new and mysterious waters of unitive prayer.”

——Brian O. McDermott, S.J., Dr. Theol.Georgetown University

My Dark Nights

Encounters with God

My Dark Nights

Encounters with God

DONALD W. MITCHELL

A Herder & Herder BookTHE CROSSROAD PUBLISHING COMPANYNEW YORK

A Herder & Herder BookThe Crossroad Publishing Company www.crossroadpublishing.com

© 2020 by Donald W. Mitchell

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ISBN 978-0-8245-8901-1 paperbackISBN 978-0-8245-0364-2 clothISBN 978-0-8245-0365-9 ePubISBN 978-0-8245-0366-6 mobi

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ForAnn MitchellWhom God gave me as my wifeTo bring me into the Church and toAccompany me with her love, support,And forgiveness for the past 53 years

CHAPTER 1

Dark Nights

Each person is unique. So, the experience of encounters with God in Dark Nights is different for each person given his or her personhood, life conditions, and the will of God for the person. There are similarities, but all Nights are not the same. St. John of the Cross’s profound writings about what he terms the “dark night of sense” and the “dark night of the spirit” describe in great detail his Carmelite experiences of encounter with God’s enlightening and purifying grace and the transformation it produced. Many of the spiritually rich and profound comments he makes about the actual processes and outcomes of the two Nights are common to all Dark Night journeys and can provide insights to those going through their own unique Dark Nights designed by God just for them. So, while I draw on St. John's guidance, my Dark Nights brought about the specific purifications, insights, and blessings by God’s loving and transforming presence that God desired for me as a layperson and for His will for my life.

While each person is unique, he or she is also incomplete. Our uniqueness is given to us by God as a gift of Love. Our incompleteness is the result of the ups and especially the downs of the life we have lived that in different ways distorts the gift we are, our unique true self, and creates our false self. How can we become free from the distortions of our false self and discover our true self? John writes that the realization of our true self is not an achievement. It is the result of a healing grace that comes from God/Light/Love in the depths of our soul. With this healing, we discover God at the center of our being that brings the realization that “the entire universe is a sea of love in which [one’s self] is engulfed, for conscious of the living point or center of love within oneself, one is unable to catch sight of the boundaries of this love.” (LF 2.10)

John also says that this purification is like peeling back the skin of an onion. It is a slow “spiraling” process of healing in the depth of one’s soul that eventually spirals out through our heart in caring for others and all of creation. What is at work in this process is an encounter with God’s loving touch. But God is Light as well as Love. So, as this healing process takes place by the presence of God, His Light is so strong that it overwhelms the person’s consciousness and he or she finds oneself in Darkness, a Dark Night. In this Night, one feels confusion and the pain due to the healing process. Yet, John says that “in the midst of these dark and loving afflictions, the soul feels a certain companionship and inner strength.” (2N 11.7) As this Dark Night progresses, the layers of the false self are actually—and painfully—back until the true self with God at its center is revealed.

One very important aspect of this purification is the healing of memories. This too is painful since one remembers and relives the pain and its effects that has affected one over the years. But this healing is crucial since memories sink into the psyche as “roots” that affect our thoughts and emotions throughout our lives. To be able to live more freely in the “present moment,” healing of memories is essential. (3A 5.7) Then, one can more freely believe, hope, and love with self-forgetfulness and self-giving. In fact, John even says, that, “A life of love of this purity is more precious to God, more precious for the soul, and more beneficial for the Church, even though it seems to be doing nothing, than all other works put together.” (CB 29.2)

One thing that is very important to understand is that in the Dark Nights, God takes one beyond prayer and meditation to the gift of contemplation that arises from God. Prayer and meditation are what one does by oneself. Contemplation is a grace given by God. (2A 13.1–8, 1N 9.1–9) In the words of John, this contemplation is at its core “a secret and peaceful and loving inflow of God, which, if not hampered, fires the soul in the spirit of love.” (1N 10.6) Also, God sometimes communicates contemplative images and thoughts during the Dark Nights. It is important to remember that in these Nights, God is always in control.

Finally, I refer to “Jesus Forsaken” many times in this book. John of the Cross writes about Jesus Forsaken: “At the moment of his death he was certainly annihilated in his soul, without any consolation or relief, since the Father left Him that way…. He was thereby compelled to cry out ‘My God. My God. Why have you forsaken me?’ (Mt. 27:46). This was the most extreme abandonment … for He was forsaken by His Father … so as to … bring people to union with God.” (2A 7.11)

My spirituality is that of the Focolare where we find Jesus Forsaken within ourselves and others. This is possible because Jesus on the Cross made Himself one with all who sin and suffer throughout history. He became one with all humankind in their sufferings, including each of us. Chiara Lubich, the founder of the Focolare, discovered the presence of Jesus Forsaken in her own suffering and the suffering of others. She discovered she could embrace Him both in between herself and others. Suffering became the space for her spiritual encounter and union with Jesus Forsaken. For us living Chiara’s spirituality, this is also true. We embrace and love Him in our suffering and embrace and love Him in the suffering of others. Jesus Forsaken teaches us how to love others by making ourselves one with them as He did on the Cross.

CHAPTER 2

Prelude

It seems that God gives a person certain indications that a Dark Night is approaching. It is like evening time, and for me, that meant three things. First, certain events happened that indicated why it was necessary for me to make such a Night journey. For me, I began to recognize that there were particular things about myself that needed to be healed. This is itself painful to a degree because facing one’s self with all its limitations, weaknesses, and woundedness is difficult. But the insight that comes with seeing the need for healing is that what needs to be healed are actually barriers to knowing and loving God.

Second, I felt afraid of the future. It reminded me of Jesus praying that the cup He was to drink be taken away. But He also prayed that God’s will be done. This mix seemed to be the product of reason and grace. Reason and emotions told me that this path was not going to be anything I would choose. But grace seemed to be moving me forward at a depth level below what I could see happening to me. Third, I felt that while what was ahead was going to be difficult, I also felt that God would be with me. God would accompany me through the difficulties to a result that would be a positive change in myself and my life. I felt that God would be the actor in what was going to happen. God would be intimately involved in supporting me, guiding me, and healing me … and that only by God’s grace could His will for me take place.

In my case, the change began as my wife Ann and I were preparing ourselves and our three children for a sabbatical leave. Our preparation was during the Lenten Season when I seemed to be more and more aware of my “fallen” condition. This awareness was not just about myself, but about the world around me. On Ash Wednesday, I seemed to sense that “powers and principalities” move all our hearts to seek for what we want for ourselves, and not for God and His design for our lives. As I contemplated this picture, I felt that I add to this downward spiral … that I participate in it. And even more upsetting, it participates in my distorting my life. So, I realized my need to change.

On Good Friday, I especially felt the heaviness of what Simone Weil calls “gravity” that was causing me to fall into the materialism of our secular society. For her, the opposite to this gravity is grace. Left to myself, I could not find a way to overcome this gravity and realized that I needed the grace of a loving God to rise up to a more spiritual life.

Then, during Mass the week after Easter, God seemed to catch my attention when a person took up the gifts to the altar. As he walked up the aisle, I had the impression that I was like the host being brought to the altar. I am a product of the earth, but I was being brought to the table of the Lord who alone can transform me. When the priest said, “Lift up your spirit,” I felt mine being lifted up to the Lord who can sanctify it. Here is the grace that can overcome the gravity of my natural existence. I remembered Simone Veil’s statement that the Cross that pushed Jesus down is the lever that raises us up. As I thought about this, I began praying, “Come, Lord Jesus.” But, I did not know what that would mean.

Later, on Ascension Thursday, I understood a bit more about what may be coming. The thing that struck me was when the disciples stood looking up at heaven after Jesus disappeared. Later, I wrote and prayed, “How tempting it is to hold onto Jesus. How can I let such a precious thing go? But maybe I need to find Him in a new way. I feel my experience of God is fainter now. God seems to be calling me to leave what relations I have with Jesus and find Him in a new way.”

So, during the summer, Ann and I with Jimmy, David, and Kristy drove to Alfred, New York, for a Focolare retreat. We had become members of the Focolare and wanted to go to the summer retreat before going out to Berkeley, California, for a sabbatical leave. I was going to the Jesuit School of Theology in the Graduate Theological Union to study Christian spirituality. I had been a Buddhist before my conversion to the Catholic Church, and I wanted to participate in the new Buddhist-Christian dialogue in the area of spirituality. My friend and mentor, Fr. Raimondo Panikkar, suggested studying with the Jesuits. Also at the Graduate Theological Union were the Dominican and Franciscan Schools of Theology.

CHAPTER 3

Night Descends

When we arrived at the Mariapolis, I began to have physical and emotional problems that I would later learn were signs of the Dark Night. On Thursday night of the retreat, all of a sudden, I felt three distinct and sharp pains in my heart that sent physical tremors and waves of remorse and anxiety through my whole body. I had the sensation that I was being cut in pieces inside. At the same time, the retreat seemed to collapse around me, and I became very afraid. As Ann and I walked back to our dorm, I felt the desire to go to the rite of reconciliation. When we entered the hall where the priests were, I felt an immense pain in my soul that was so strong I thought I was going to die. So, I went to confession thinking this might be my final one. Afterward, I felt physically sick and exhausted as we returned to our dorm room. When I went to bed, something happened that I cannot really describe. All I can say is that I had terrible feelings and rolled in bed in agony and with a sense that all is meaningless. Eventually, the experience passed. But I was left with the sense I had lost everything. All the light, love, peace, joy, and faith were extinguished. I was left only with a sliver of love for Ann and my children. Night had fallen!

The next day was very difficult. At the final Mass of the retreat, I went to communion and gave my “nothing” to God. I felt that into that nothing, I received the Eucharist. I felt that Jesus was taking that nothingness and putting Himself crucified into it in some way I did not understand. But I felt that God was asking me to rely only on Him and to receive Him as often as possible in the Eucharist. I vowed to go to daily Mass the rest of my life, which I have done. Before leaving the Mariapolis and driving to California, I was sitting on a step behind the dorm. The person who introduced me to the Focolare, Adele Colella, was with me, and she too was suffering. We noticed two dead birds on the ground in front of us.