My fight for a better world E-Book

Hülya Rinscheid

• Herausgeber: novum pro Verlag
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 522

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Beschreibung

Fatma grows up in poor circumstances in Turkey and experiences what it is like to be the child of a guest worker in Germany. Not only her own Turkish culture, but also that of her host country becomes foreign to her. She doesn't feel at home anywhere, not least because she and her mother keep commuting between Germany and Turkey. Fatma cannot find peace. Women's disenfranchisement, chadors and forced marriages on the one hand, freedom of movement, dress codes and personal freedoms on the other. And is Christianity so different from Islam? Do Christians really live more freely? In an adventurous way, Fatma escapes forced marriages several times, which is definitely tinged with humor. Will she manage to unite the two cultures for herself?

Leseprobe

My fight for a better world!

If we want to see true mothers, we must educate women better than men, because they are the root of the nation!(Mustafa Kemal Atatürk)

My birth and development in the slum

On the day I was born, I didn't know what kind of environment I was going to live in. I also did not know what my future would be like. But I knew that I was hungry and needed security and human warmth. I knew that there was food and pleasant warmth for me at my mother's breast. Many people talked to me, and I heard many sounds. The sounds became language in time, and at some point I realized that my name was Fatma. So I listened to the name Fatma.

At home I lay in the cradle. Whenever I cried out, I was rocked in the cradle. When I was forty days old, a prayer leader came with a few women. Several women bathed me and poured a cup of water with Mama's wedding ring over my head. This is how I was baptized Islamically. From that point on, I could go anywhere with my mother. With a cloth wrapped around Mama's body, she carried me. So I always felt her warmth and security.

Through this, I got to know many sounds and was able to observe people closely. I could also observe how people behaved. That's how they taught me rules of behavior. But why were there these rules? Why was I in the world? What I knew was that there had to be a meaning to all this. But I didn't know what meaning. Maybe I was just too little to know.

When I got teeth, I could no longer fall asleep at night. My mouth always hurt. Since I couldn't speak, I drew attention to myself by crying. That was too much for my father. He just wanted to sleep and go to work rested. He worked as a nurse in the hospital in Istanbul. He loved his job more than anything. Only he earned very little, so he could not feed his family well. That's why he had to work for a few hours extra in the men's café. Since he had too little sleep anyway, he was angry that I cried so much. So it happened that my father took me out of the cradle and threw me into the big bed and said, "I've had enough now. I have to sleep. Tomorrow I have to be fit and take good care of the sick in the hospital." "I will sleep in the other room on the floor with Fatma," my mother said, and went into the other room. Thus, I slept alone with my mother.

During the day I was with many housewives and children. They crocheted, exchanged recipes, made music on pots and danced to it with the children. The bigger I got, the more fun I had. My mother had to wear a chador by the age of twelve. She hated that! She always wanted to wear modern clothes in life, and of course she wanted to have a good job. Her family, on the other hand, wanted her to work in the fields and become a housewife, and then later listen to her husband.

She tried to talk in the village only with families of teachers and educated women. She had no interest in cooking or housekeeping. To escape village life, she eloped with my father, who had lived in Istanbul for a very long time. Arrived in Istanbul, my mother had to learn cooking and baking from the other women. With the women, who were also housewives, she now mostly talked about the problems of her children and her husband. This rarely helped. So now and then, some women went to the children's teachers or to doctors for tips and help. In this way, the women told the other women what information they had received, which spread the knowledge. It was almost like school. Since some families, like us, had little money, no real education and no job, they helped each other when help was needed. The women pushed every kind of vegetable into their daughters' hands. In this way, the children learned to handle and taste them at an early age. When I was barely four years old, I learned to peel onions myself and got to know a very special taste. Many other tastes were added day by day. With onions, the women made sure that they did not burn the eyes. I learned this quickly and could peel onions well in a very short time. So from a very young age I helped to wash and peel vegetables. I grew bigger and bigger and could talk and walk better and better. When I was about four years old, my brother Ali was born. This changed my life completely. I had to bring clothes for my brother. Mother gave me a dust rag and showed me how to dust. I learned how to change a baby boy's diaper. Later, my mother taught me how to feed my brother. I took care of my brother more and more. But my parents took him in their arms more than me, even though I did so much for them and my brother. That's when I got jealous! I waited for my brother to fall asleep, went to him and bit him on the arm. He woke up screaming and of course I got in huge trouble. My mother then called the neighbor's daughter and handed me over to her. From then on, I played with the bigger kids on the street. The children were of very different ages. We played "blind cow" and "bunny in the pit".

Every now and then I watched the boys play soccer. Many vendors with horse-drawn carts also came by and sold fruit, vegetables and sometimes milk and yogurt. There was also a vendor with a big basket. In the basket were candied apples and lollipops. The lollipops looked like a rooster. We went straight to our mothers, got money and bought sweets. Only, unfortunately, he didn't come very often. I grew up with boys and girls on the street. I felt very comfortable and learned many words that I had not learned at home. There was another boy, whose name was Ahmet. He would sit under a tree in nice weather and read a book while the other children played. Every now and then he would watch the children play and sometimes he would even play along. I admired him. I also wanted to read a lot and be like him. So sometimes I went to him and asked what he was reading and where he got the books. He told me about the library. I asked him why he was reading so many books and not playing like the other kids. He said he wanted to become an important person later, fighting against injustice and developing better laws for people. To achieve that, it would be important to read a lot and start early. So, through him, I soon learned even more words and my horizon became wider and wider. Since my mother had only attended elementary school up to the third grade, she could not give me much education. My father had only graduated as a nurse in the army. Since both of them had only a basic education, they could not answer all my questions that I had taken from this boy on the street. I could hardly ask the neighbors either, because our neighborhood consisted only of people who had hardly attended school. There was also no educated woman or teacher to give tips on parenting to the women in the neighborhood. The men couldn't help either, because they were busy earning money all day. Since they still liked to sit in the evening in the men's café and wanted to have their peace, they shifted the education of the children to the women. For this reason, every child was left to its own devices when it came to education. But how did such a child get a proper education? Where did it get a stable support to be able to lead a meaningful life? How did I get a good education?

Hooray, my uncle from Germany is here

On a sunny day, my uncle came from Germany. During that time, many Turks were recruited to work in Germany. There were the so-called "economic miracle years" in Germany. Many roads and houses and factories had to be built. My uncle looked different from my father. He had blond hair and blue eyes. My father had dark hair and brown eyes. When my uncle was with us, he said that many thought he was a German. He was a nice and very cosmopolitan person. We were all happy that he came to visit us. He brought me a blond doll with long hair. When I tipped it, it started to cry. I had never seen anything like it. I was very excited and went outside with the doll. All the children came and admired my doll. I was very proud to suddenly be the center of attention. Suddenly my mother came to me and took the doll away from me and said, "Do you want these children to break your doll? You'll only get it under my supervision when you're alone. And only then, if you are also nice. Come into the house now, your uncle is with us." At that time I did not know that this doll meant the separation from friends and should change my life strongly.

So then I went into the house with mother and played with my brother Ali with a brown bear that my uncle had brought him. He made bear noises. Ali was also quite enthusiastic. My mother, on the other hand, was completely blown away by the pearl necklace she had received. She had never owned anything like it in her life. She listened to my uncle very curiously and amazed at what he told about Germany. He told her that he got a lot of money, that everything was available in Germany and that he could buy everything. He also said that the doctors and hospitals were better in Germany. He wanted my father to emigrate to Germany, too. Father said, "There is no such perfect country in the world. And besides, I am satisfied with my profession. I have many friendly colleagues. I love my country, and I will stay in my country." Suddenly Mother stood up, "I want to be able to buy many beautiful clothes and cosmetics. I am tired of living so simply. I want to be a rich woman. With money, any door can be opened. We'll go there, and you quit your job. Tomorrow you can propose with your brother. I'll make sure your brother gets a wife so he won't live alone in Germany. My aunt's daughter works for rich people. She'd be something for him. We'll go to her and you'll get to know her." So it happened that through mother's persistence, father applied to work in Germany. Before my father was allowed to go to Germany, he had to pass a medical examination. The doctors were chosen by the German consulate. They examined the men and women from head to toe as if on an assembly line. The whole thing was concluded with a vaccination. Those who were found healthy were granted entry to Germany.

What was this investigation for? Or was there a contagious disease in the country that people needed to be protected from? Or was Father carrying a contagious disease? I didn't understand the whole thing!

My father passed the health test and got a valid passport. Dad was very unhappy in his skin and wanted to stay in Istanbul at his favorite job. He thought, "I hope I can at least do my nursing job in Germany." Mother, on the other hand, just wanted a better life. My father was very reluctant to dissolve the entire household. He brought us to the village with some furniture, where we were to stay for a while. My mother's relatives lived in the village. My father went to the main station of Istanbul, where all the people who wanted to leave were expected. Each person leaving the country was given a large bag of provisions, which consisted mainly of Turkish cans of food. Thus began my father's journey to Germany.

Father's life change in Germany

When Father arrived in Germany at the train station with other men, he got a nice welcome. A brass band played music and there was a welcome party. He was taken by a small bus to a men's dormitory after the reception. On the way, some of the roads were broken and the houses were dilapidated. My father realized that he would have a lot to do here. When they arrived at the dormitory, some compatriots were already living in the house. They greeted each other. The interpreter and a German showed the rooms and pointed out many rules that should be followed. Some of the rules my father found very funny and thought, "What do the Germans think about us?"

No women were allowed to stay in men's dormitories. The communal kitchen and the rooms had to be kept clean. There were rules about how to use the stove and the toilet. The smallest details were regulated. For some roommates in the dormitory, this was fitting, because not everyone had seen an electric stove before.

In many rooms of the dormitory there were bunk beds, and in one room there were chairs and a table. There was a communal kitchen where the necessities could be found. The interpreter told them that they would be picked up the next day and assigned to their work. Then they left. In the evening, the newcomers sat together with the residents in the dormitory's common room. Everyone introduced themselves. Each came from a different place in Turkey. Some came from village areas where the language and culture was somewhat different than in the cities. At that time, Atatürk had developed a modern culture and language for his country. To promote modernization in Turkey's somewhat backward villages, the Turkish government had established special village institutes in 1938. Women and men learned the new Latin script and a modernized simplified Turkish language there. They were trained as carpenters, beekeepers, blacksmiths, carpenters, in health care, and so on. In schools, they acquired literary knowledge, such as Turkish poetry. Furthermore, with the help of theatrical performances, the students were introduced to a mixed culture of Ottoman and European approaches. As a result, a stable and strong nation emerged at that time. Its success influenced other Islamic countries. However, this also caused envy and ill will. In the end, the activities to further build and establish this system were stopped almost simultaneously with Turkey's entry into NATO. Some claimed that the founders of NATO perceived this change and success as a threat and therefore wanted to destroy this already well-developed educational system. Thus, village institutes in Turkey were abolished altogether in 1954. Those who reported on this measure in the media were threatened, or even killed, like the writer and journalist Ugur Mumcu. No one knows to this day who killed him! Due to the abolition of this education system, European culture was now very foreign to the men from village regions. They could not deal with it. There were also people like father who came from the city and still knew Atatürk's modern world from before. It was a colorful and somewhat complicated group. Especially the culture of the regions of Anatolia was very foreign to father. Father wondered, "How am I going to get along with all these very different people in the dormitory?" One of the newcomers asked the others, "What is life like here? How do people live here?" "I don't know! I work very long hours all day. And in the evening I play poker with compatriots. And besides, I don't have a chance to learn their language. I tried to fit in, but I felt uncomfortable in my skin. I tried, but some things I found strange. It doesn't fit with my culture that I learned in Anatolia," said one. "There will be an opportunity to learn about the country, won't there?" "Yes, there is!" said another. "By getting a German woman and learning it from her. There you have fun, at the same time you learn the language, and she can also handle your office stuff at the same time. Most of them look like the educated city women from Turkey. The only difference is that they speak a different language and some are different. They also have slightly different customs," said another. My father said, "I couldn't cheat on my wife. Somehow it will come out eventually. You know, the candle also burns only for a certain period of time!" Another asked, "How do I meet German women?" "You just go to a discotheque or a pub. You have to know, here people have different ideas about customs and traditions than we got to know in our villages. And their laws regarding women are not as strict as in Turkey. Everything is much freer here. In Turkey, cheating in marriage is punished and you go to jail. Here there is no such thing. Or if you deflower a girl in Turkey, you are punished, or you have to marry her. That doesn't exist here either."

Many men from rural regions asked themselves: "How do you deal with so much freedom? Where were the boundaries here? What were the customs and traditions here? What is allowed and what is not?" There was no one for them to answer their questions in a meaningful and logical way. A fellow resident in the home said, "I was an imam in Turkey. I have observed people here in Germany. The life of these people is not going well. This causes a lot of problems for mankind. Towards God we have obligations, and there are rules that Allah has instructed us to follow. Human beings cannot live according to their whims. There are limits in life, as there are everywhere on earth. We have to do something about it. Or do you want your wives and daughters to hop from one guy to another? The best thing is to form a group, we call it 'Cemaati'Kaplan. In this way, together we will protect our families from their strange customs. We cover our women. In this way we protect them from mischief. In this way, in time, we can also make sure that all women are veiled in Turkey." "But how are we going to do that? In Turkey, Atatürk stopped this with many obstacles and laws. He believed that women and girls can only be protected with good education and good upbringing." Another added, "What Ataturk said is big nonsense. How are women and girls supposed to distinguish between good and bad? Women are weak creatures! Our faith and the Koran will show us the way for everything. Besides, we have to pay special attention to Turkish women and girls in their homes. Otherwise, they will stray from the right path. We must make sure that they marry Turkish men. Or bring their husbands from Turkey. That way we protect them! A boy can sleep outside without danger, but a girl and a woman cannot! Take a closer look at the fathers of this people and their daughters. That's all I'm going to say about that." Another added, "I think if we have any problems, we should contact the Turkish Consulate. I'm sure they can help us!" My father then said, "What do I care about all that? Besides, there are women among the headscarves who are not angels. I will just work here and save a lot of money and then move back to Turkey." So he went to work every day and learned how to weld. He didn't enjoy this job. But there was nothing he could do about it. All the guest workers were just put into any professions. The professions were not based on the wishes of the guest workers, but exclusively on the needs of the companies. He still did his work. In the evening, my father was often bored. He wanted to go back to Turkey, but he didn't have enough money. So he tried to get money faster in the home by playing poker. Unfortunately, he lost more and more money, so that at some point he could not send us any money.

My different way of life in Turkey

We, on the other hand, lived in Turkey in the village with my uncle, mother's big brother. Mother now had to wear a chador - like the village women. In Istanbul, she was always dressed in modern clothes. She didn't want to live in the village because of that. So she thought about how to get out of it. But it was not so easy. My father sent money irregularly. Sometimes even no money came. But how was she supposed to make ends meet in the city without money? She then thought, "What have I learned from the educated women. If you hide your problem, you can't get a solution or help!" So she wrote to her friend in Istanbul.

We children, on the other hand, were very happy. We could ride the donkey, play with friends in the schoolyard or just enjoy the sun. Often we could go to the field with the horse cart. The big kids picked watermelons and crushed them on a stone and gave the pieces to the little kids. I was happy that the big ones gave us some. There was also grain scattered in a square. To separate the grains from the stalks, a long wooden board was tied to the horses. My uncle steered the horses. The board was pulled over the grain so that the grains came loose and fell down. We were allowed to sit on the wooden board and ride it. This was a lot of fun for us kids. We could also pet the animals and give them food. In the evenings my grandma told us, other children and women from the village stories about the life of our ancestors. Through this I had a lot of fun learning about the history of our ancestors. One ancestor was probably even an Amazon. Our Amazon great-grandmother had a wish that her story be passed on to the girls of her descendants. My grandmother said to us, "As a woman, you can wear whatever you want, but you must be strong and always strive for knowledge. You will have to raise children and be hardworking and diligent to do so. Never let the sun shine on you in bed early in the morning. You must always get up early. The good Lord has given you rules. You hear the muezzin calling from the mosque five times a day. Each time you have to make certain movements to keep your body in time and your circulation working. The first call announces that you have to get up and it will be light soon. Then you have to wash and start moving and praying. In return, God will give you strength and happiness for the day. Afterwards you can have breakfast. After some time, the muezzin will call you again, which means noon. Then you should pray again with the movement. Always remember the prayer rug. If you take a closer look at this movement, you will see that the movement is very healthy for the human being. Because the body needs certain movements to stay healthy and fit. Later, there is the third call. It announces that you must now make the movements to pray and eat a snack afterwards. The fourth call announces the rest time and the evening meal. The fifth tells us to pray and then get ready for bed. If you live by this, you can accomplish many things through this discipline and exercise. Man needs a stable and healthy rhythm of life."

We went to Koran lessons in the afternoon. The Koran was in Arabic, only learning this language was difficult for me. In Quran classes, I learned that it was important to pray from the heart. If Arabic was too difficult, I could pray in my mother tongue. It was only important that the prayer came from the heart. I should always be a good person. Be disciplined in life and follow a fixed rhythm of life. He told us about the same rules in Islam as our grandma had done. Only grandma told us that we were allowed to make our own plan. But then we had to follow it in a disciplined way. We should never be afraid of work or even run away from it. The work should be afraid of us!

My mother, and to some extent other women and men, did not adhere to it. They lived according to their whims. The rules were too strict for them! Did everyone really have to pray five times a day every day? Why were there no logical reasons for this? I resolved as a small child to improve these things one day.

One of the spring days I went with my mother to one of my uncles. He had a big dog in the garden. When we went into my uncle's garden, the dog jumped on me and bit me in the head. Blood ran down my forehead and I cried terribly. Quickly my uncle came and took the dog away and tied it up. I was taken to the doctor. I was given a shot and the wound was stitched. When we got back to my uncle's house, he quickly went into the house, got a gun, and then said to me, "Watch me punish the dog that hurt you. People who cause pain to others will also be punished. So also the animals that do this must be punished. This is a law of nature." So he took the rifle, put it on, aimed at the dog and shot it in front of me. I had to think about the dog and the rifle all the time after that. I prayed to God every night that I would never have to experience anything like that again.

Two days later, a letter arrived from Istanbul to my mother. This letter was to change my life. It contained an address of an elderly couple who lived ten kilometers from the village. Mother knew the town. She used to go there with her relatives for shopping. The town was on the Sea of Marmara and was a peninsula. It also had its own fishing port. There was even a sandy beach there with great cafes. The elderly couple were her friend's parents. In the letter there was also a letter addressed to them. All she had to do was deliver the letter there. Her friend had developed a plan so that no problem would arise. Now she only had to make sure that her big brother, as her ward, agreed with it. It all went her way in the end. My mother went with us and my uncle to visit her friend's parents.

We were now standing in a single-family house with a wonderful garden. The garden was really great. The elderly couple was very nice. My mother and uncle agreed with the couple that we could stay there. Since my grandmother was a wealthy widow, she supported us. She owned many lands and a very large farm. Many people in the village worked for her directly or indirectly. Nevertheless, because she wore a chador, she was considered backward in banks and government offices and was not taken seriously. However, she could not take off this habitual dress. With modern clothes, she would have been considered easy prey by men in the village and, as a wealthy woman, would hardly have been able to protect herself from inquiries. At that time, when Grandma was young and not yet married, and wore modern clothes in the village, she often felt harassed by men. She then decided to wear a chador after all. Sometime later and wearing a chador, she met my grandpa and they got married. My mother-her daughter-on the other hand, always wanted to be modern and wear neither a chador nor a headscarf. She wanted to be a rich strong woman, like the Amazon she had always heard about.

Grandma, on the other hand, used her tall son for business matters. He was a man and therefore enjoyed the necessary respect. He also learned to read and write in school. My grandma could only read and write a little, because she never went to the right school. Especially in authorities, she was able to arrange a lot of things through her big son. For this reason, she brought one of her three sons to help her, depending on the subject and his talent. Her oldest son-my oldest uncle-was the financial boss. He paid our rent and upkeep. After my grandpa died, he sort of took over his role and was the male head of the family. He also showed mother-his sister- how to handlefinancial matters and deal with authorities. He also told her that if she wanted to be a strong woman and handle everything herself, she should read books. From then on, Mother always picked up photo novels and dressed as a distinguished lady. The photo novels made access to stories easy. They showed how educated modern people lived. Speech bubbles contained the dialogue texts. The photo novels were thus comparable in style to comic books. My mother learned to imitate the dialogues of the photo novels. If someone said something, she always had a suitable answer ready. We also liked to go to the movies. That's how modern Turkey and the world were presented to us. Through all this, my mother learned to deal with modern people in Turkey better and better. Soon she knew many people and was well known in the city.

My grandma always came to visit from Monday to Tuesday. She used to say to me, "Life is a school until the end, and you are subjected to many tests in life. Everything is like a long chain of school exams. The exams can only be passed with a lot of diligence, patience and self-discipline. Only in this way can life be successful, and only in this way will one be rewarded for this good life after death. Since your grandfather died, the company in the village has made it difficult for me to manage some things. Maybe your mother and you will have better luck in life." My mother, on the other hand, thought, "What is my husband doing? Why doesn't he send money? Why doesn't he ask for us? Does he have someone else now?" She tried to look for ways out with her big brother. He asked my father's relatives in Turkey. After all, my father's brother was also in Germany, and maybe there was a possibility to get information about him. So it happened that my uncle went to a place 70 kilometers away to get my uncle's address in Germany. He then sent a telegram to my father's brother. In it he wrote that he should pack my father and send him home to his family and wife immediately.

My uncanny journey as a child to Germany

In Germany, my uncle got the telegram. He went directly with it to the home where my father lived and scolded him. His card-playing friends said, "If you want to have your family with you, bring them to Germany, too. We know a high-rise building nearby. There is a free apartment there. That way you'll stay close to us, too." My uncle didn't think that was a good idea. Partly, living together in high-rises between Germans and Turks was problematic. But my father wouldn't listen. So father got money from friends and rented the apartment. His friends also got him old furniture. Then another Turkish friend, who lived with a German woman, helped them get papers for a family reunion. When everything was ready, he flew to us. When father arrived at our house, he first got into trouble with my mother and her big brother. A short time later, however, that subsided. We children were happy to see father again. We were curious to see what the new country looked like. Would we be able to play with the children in the streets until the evening, as we do here? A short time later, we left for Istanbul.

In Istanbul we stayed overnight with friends. The next day we went to the German consulate. There we had to stand in a long line. We waited a long time in the crowd.We kids were pretty bored. At the end it was our turn. The German authorities were very strict. I got scared. They sent us to doctors to see if we were fit for the country in terms of health. I was shaking and didn't know what was happening to me. I told myself, "Maybe it was important that they do all this to us." The doctor examined me and said, "We have to vaccinate you so you don't get sick and infect the children in Germany." Then my brother and I got a vaccination that burned very badly and left a big scar at the end. As a child, I didn't understand why all this had to be necessary. After that, I started my journey with my family to Germany.

My encounter with xenophobic people in Germany

My mother and little brother were excited. I, on the other hand, was thinking about my arm, which still hurt after the vaccination. Why did I have to suffer and be in pain to come to a foreign country? I didn't even know the language yet. What will be if I can't learn it? Weren't my parents happy in Turkey? Does the country hurt me again now? I was afraid, but I couldn't do anything about it. I had to go through it. My parents tried to make the trip as nice as possible. My mother told stories, there was good food and sweets, and we went for walks on the train. So we rode the train the considerable distance to Germany.

After a very long time, we finally arrived. The train station was much smaller than in Istanbul. We went to a cab with our luggage and dad said something in German. I looked at the people. They spoke a language I didn't understand. I hoped that I would find children with whom I could communicate here. As I was engrossed in my thoughts, I had to get into the cab with my brother. The cab driver buckled us in. Then we drove off. When we arrived at our new apartment, we stood in front of a house that had a very peaked roof. We went into the house with our luggage. On the second floor was our small apartment. Since there was no children's room, we had to sleep in the living room where there was a sofa bed. Our parents had their own bedroom. We had a small kitchen, which also served as a laundry room. A communal toilet was in the stairwell where everyone in the house could use it. The toilet was different from what I knew. At home we had a French outhouse. It was almost like a chair here, with a big hole in the middle. Mother didn't know who all sat on it, so she cleaned it with kolonya beforehand. My mother brought a large amount of kolonya from Turkey. Kolonya is a mixture of pure alcohol and lemon and was my mother's all-purpose weapon against bacteria. In the apartment, my mother unpacked the things and then wanted to go to the grocery store. We all went there together. It was hard for my mother and father to get along there, because they didn't know German. Our parents wished with all their hearts for a Turkish store or at least a Turkish salesman. But there wasn't. Mother only bought what she knew. Mother asked how expensive the peppers were. Then my father calculated the price in Turkish currency. My mother said, "That's very expensive. I'd rather buy just one paprika. Later we'll have to buy a big car to bring back lots of food from Turkey. I can hardly save anything here." So we went back home with little bought things. At home, our mother cooked something with it.

The next day we got up and had breakfast. Dad went to work very early. Since I was older, I had to help set the table and clear the table. After that, I had to take care of my brother. I played with him all day with building blocks or with two cuddly toys. Whenever I had to go to the bathroom, my mother and brother had to go with me. She went to the toilet first and cleaned it with Kolonya. But that didn't go well for much longer. A German couple went to her and tried to explain that such a thing was not possible. They did not like the lemon smell of Kolonya at all. It was foreign to them. But mother was stubborn and didn't want everyone to get sick. She also didn't want to use any unknown chemistry. She continued to use Kolonya. Then the housemates in the house started to get angry. The man was very angry and wanted to attack us. I got scared. But the woman stopped him. So we went to our apartment. After a few days late at night, two men knocked violently on our front door. Two angry German male voices could be heard. I knew one of the voices: it was the voice of the man who had tried to attack us before. My parents got scared and took us in their arms. They put us in their bed and my mother said to my father, "We'll just jump out the window and leave the children here in bed. I don't think they will hurt the children. Besides, we're young and we can still have kids." Then they jumped out the window! The two men entered our apartment and came to our bedroom armed with big clubs. One of them wanted to beat us with the club, but the other one stopped him. He said, "They are children. They didn't do anything." Then the other went to the window and yelled something in German that we didn't understand. A short time later the police came and cleared everything up.

My brother and I lived in great fear from then on and wanted to leave Germany. Even on the street I heard this language and was afraid. I whined every day to go back to Turkey. I wanted to play with children like before and go to school there. We were alone in the apartment almost every day. We only went shopping when the weather was nice and every now and then Turkish friends came to visit with their children or we went to see them.

It was December, and it was a high holiday for Christians. We were invited by an Italian work colleague of my father. They had no children of their own and wanted to celebrate Christmas with us children. In their living room we saw a Christmas tree for the first time. We thought that was very nice as children. We were especially happy about the presents that were under the tree for us. But despite all this, I missed other children and a street like in Turkey, where I could romp around as I pleased. Weren't all the children in the world all the same? Where were the children? I missed that very much. In bed at night I cried and prayed to God that I could go to school. Later, as an adult, I wanted to make sure that no matter what country children were in, they played the same games and spoke the same language, so that all children could play together and communicate. The problems in our house never quite stopped. In addition, difficulties came to my father at work. He lost his job and became unemployed. In this situation, my father did not want to leave us in Germany, so he sent my mother back to Turkey with us. So he could take his time to look for a new job and we were safe in Turkey.

I get to know the school in Turkey

My father got us a plane ticket and we flew to Istanbul without father. My uncle picked us up there at the airport. We went together by bus to my grandmother's village. When we arrived, everyone was happy to see us again. That did me a lot of good. I had my usual life again. Everyone came to visit us in the village, and we played with the children. The children asked me how the children played in Germany. They asked me if I knew a typical German game. Everyone asked how people dressed in Germany and what differences there were. I didn't know what to answer to all the questions. We played blind man's buff and the questions stopped. In the village, I could now romp in the fields again, ride in the carriage, and ride on donkeys. During the day I went to elementary school and learned letters, numbers and how to write. I hoped that everything would stay that way. My mother saw it differently. She didn't like life in the village. She had to follow dress rules again, which were so common in some villages. Every night when we went to bed, she would say to us, "Someday I'm going to get rid of this damn chador in this village!"

A few days later we went to the small town to the elderly couple with whom we had previously rented an apartment. Because these people liked us very much, they had kept the apartment free for us. Since my father's money was hardly enough, my grandmother and uncle - my mother's oldest brother - paid the rent. Mother also got money from my grandma every month so that she could buy clothes and food and do things with the children. I always had to go to school in the afternoon. There were so many children that they were taught in a kind of shift system: Half in the morning, the other half in the afternoon. Before I went to school, I put on my uniform. Mother combed my hair and braided two braids for me. It was customary to go to school very neatly in uniform. One day I forgot to cut my fingernails. I got in big trouble with the teacher. He hit my hands with his cane. The teacher said to the children, "I told you a long time ago that there are a lot of bacteria under the fingernails, and they make people sick in the long run. Do you want to get sick?" From that day on, I took great care to have neatly trimmed fingernails. I learned to read and write better and better. I enjoyed that very much. In the evenings we often went to the harbor where many people sat in cafes and ice cream parlors. I always had to wear a beautiful dress with ruffles and have very neat hair. For Mother, I was like a Barbie doll who always had to wear beautiful dresses. She herself dressed like a distinguished woman. It was important to her to be seen that way. She wanted everyone to say about her and her children, "What a modern and well-groomed family they are." Next to the café was also a beautiful playground. We played until late in the evening, and mother sat with friends. In the morning we had breakfast in the garden with the elderly couple. They had rented us not only two rooms, but also a small kitchen. We played a lot with children who came to visit. Sometimes we went with them to the sea and had picnics.

Father's life with different Muslims in Germany

My father, on the other hand, was back in Germany at the men's home. There were discussions there every evening. Many questions always came up, but only a few of them could really be answered logically. The men were all worried. Especially those who had their families in Germany. What will the future bring? How long will we stay here in Germany? What will become of our families here?

German culture was foreign. Turkish culture was divided: There was modern Turkey, shaped by Atatürk, and traditionally Islamic Turkey. There was a big vacuum, which made the men all very insecure. Some men, especially those with a modern outlook, went to the Turkish consulate in Bonn for help. After much discussion, it was decided to send Turkish teachers to Germany. However, they were allowed to stay in Germany on a very limited basis. They taught the children once a week for two hours in order to give them an understanding of modern culture and its ideas, which had been influenced by Atatürk. In addition, the Turkish language was taught. However, the lessons were only possible in a few German cities. In addition, the marginal conditions for the Turkish teachers were partly unbearable: The salary, which was paid by the Turkish state, was poor, they were not properly insured for health and were little respected. The Turkish government wanted to promote an imprinting of the Turks in Germany according to Atatürk. In the end, however, only a few Turkish guest workers were reached. Thus, a large vacuum remained. This vacuum was used by Islamists to spread their truth. Thus, they also offered classes. Teachers were more motivated, schools were in some cases better equipped, so that many students could be taught more adequately. Moreover, strict Islam was closer to many Turkish guest workers than Atatürk's modern version of Turkey, which further increased the appeal of this education. For German state institutions, the differences were imperceptible. Both were Turkish, both were foreign. There was no differentiation between Atatürk and Islam. Nor did there seem to be any interest in differentiating between these different currents. Turks were regarded as guest workers who were only guests in Germany for a short period of time. They were supposed to work, help drive economic progress, and then leave. The problems would then simply go with them and would no longer be a German problem. In the end, strictly Muslim Turks took advantage of this. They used the disinterest of the German state to push their ideas in a protected space in Germany. No one thought about the children. Girls in particular were disadvantaged. For them, the tensions were especially great. The difference between how the German and Turkish girls grew up in Germany was very great.

At that time, Atatürk and his friends believed that Ottoman and Christian cultures could not be completely separated. At that time, the Turks, in some cases in close contact with Germany (Prussia), developed a modern system that seems somewhat like a jigsaw puzzle. There were many building blocks that fit well together, meshed well, and added up to a complete picture. There was also the hope that the whole of Islam would evolve over time. Some people are against such a good development until today. At that time Atatürk gave girls more rights and more education. In his view, girls should get an equal or even better education than boys, because they were the root of the nation! In the men's home, father and his friends did not want to get involved. They played poker for money. A few men made friends with German women and learned German culture and language through them. Others, however, lived only with their family and met other families. Father, on the other hand, played only poker every day and went to work during the day. He hated working. He would much rather pursue his favorite job as a nurse. But the government didn't want him to. So he sank more and more into the depths and forgot about our family. On the other hand, he didn't like life as a single man. He envied the other men who lived with their families. So he decided to come back for us. He looked for a single house. His brother helped him to find a house. Through his brother, my father also found a new job. He was allowed to work in construction, and he also got a house from the contractor.

My different life in Turkey and Germany

In our small town in Turkey, they were selling a plot of land with a half-built house next to our apartment. Our landlord really wanted us to buy it. Mother said to them that she had no money. He said that her mother was the richest woman in the village. She could ask if they could buy her the house. So my mother went with us to the village. She talked to grandma and my uncle. My grandma said to her son, "The best thing is to buy her the land with the house half started. That way I am sure she will always come back here." So the next day we went to town and bought the house. Thus we had a house with a garden all to ourselves. All that was missing now was our father, who stayed with us forever and worked here. I prayed that father would come home from Germany forever. My prayers were answered and in a few months my father came. Mother was angry that he had not come. But on the other hand, she was happy to have him home again. I hoped that he would find work here now, and live here with us. But unfortunately my wish did not come true. We had to go back to Germany. I cried and did not want to leave. But my father assured me that everything would be different now. My mother packed and bought some things. This time she took a lot of photo novels with her. So we flew to Germany with many books. A friend of my father's picked us up by car. When we arrived, we were amazed by the house. The house was two stories high. Upstairs were a bathroom and three bedrooms. Downstairs were a kitchen and a living room. We also had a black and white television. Behind the house was a small garden. But I was afraid in spite of all this. I hoped with all my heart that I would also be happy here and find children to play with.

The next morning father went to the construction, and my mother went with us to explore the village after breakfast. It had a small grocery store, a baker, and a store where there were underwear, stockings, pajamas, and kitchen coats. Only we noticed that there were very few people on the street. The houses all had gardens that were very well kept. My mother greeted all the people. Many returned the greeting. In the store they were very friendly, and we learned German by buying in corner stores, and the salesmen and saleswomen learned Turkish. With a few children we played games in the street, some of which I knew from Turkey. So over time we learned German on the street. Our neighbor sold sheep. Now and then Turks came and bought sheep, which were also slaughtered there. So we also became friends with these neighbors. They always brought us homemade cakes and cookies. We have never eaten anything so delicious. Thus we made acquaintance with the German cuisine.

I went to school directly in the village. Only I couldn't speak German very well and didn't understand the teacher at times. Despite all this, I studied and tried to understand the school material at home. My parents did not know German. The majority of the class did not help me either. I had to look for another solution. I wanted to get ahead, so I asked our neighbors if they could help me with my homework. They were nice and so I was allowed to come to them after school. Now I had someone who could help me with my homework. Since they didn't have a grandchild, and they were both retired and living alone, they thought it was great to be with me. I started eating lunch with them then, too. My grades got better and better as a result. I learned quickly. Time passed ...

In the meantime, more Turks moved into the village. My mother had had her third child in the meantime. And more importantly, my father got his driver's license. From now on, we went to Turkey by car during the summer vacations. Since we needed a lot of presents and didn't have the necessary money for them, we collected bags of clothes that were lying on the road for collection every now and then. I did not understand why people put such good and new things on the street. With many things in the bags you could not tell that they were ever worn. There were also some that could not be worn. We took off the buttons and put them in a big can. From the fabric we cut long strips and rolled them into a ball of wool. We later took these with us to Turkey. Mother sold the buttons there, and from the balls of wool she had carpets knotted, which she later sold in Germany to Germans in the village. We also bought a lot of cosmetics, chocolate and underwear in Germany, which we sold in Turkey. So my mother traded between Turkey and Germany. During the long trip to Turkey, we found that the best water and the best venison goulash with dumplings and red cabbage were in Austria. So we always ate the venison goulash in Austria. Since the water was often bad in Yugoslavia at that time, we deposited so much water from Austria, so that it was enough to reach Bulgaria. With this travel ritual we always went to Turkey and back to Germany.

In the meantime, I had better grades in school because of my German neighbors. Only I sometimes found the sense and logic of the topics that were taken through in school strange. Sometimes I also found it difficult to put the individual words together. Another problem in school was my name. It indicated that I was a Turk. This did not bring any advantages for me. One day, when two German mothers who were picking up their children from school met me, one of the mothers suddenly said to her child, "You don't play with that foreigner. You don't know where they come from and what they are like. They don't know German either. You don't learn good German through her. I forbid you to play with her!" I was learning German diligently after all. What was the problem? Well, I was dressed a little differently than the German children, but didn't we all have the same doctor and the same bodily functions? Like all the other children, I wanted to have my dream job someday and earn a living. I asked her why, she only gave me this answer: "You Muslims have bad customs. And you hinder the lessons. You should go to another school where you don't disturb our children in their education." I wondered: why were children from another country bad? Were their children better than us? Is their culture so perfect that they never had problems? I didn't understand any of this. I wondered, how could a person just ignorantly say such things? Had she ever lived in Turkey? Had she gone to school there and worked there? How could they, without knowing the history and development of Turkey, form such a judgment about it? These questions occupied me. This German woman, without thinking about it, left with her daughter, saying, "Stay away from this rabble!" So it happened that I had almost no German friends at school. I was shunned at school from then on.

After school I went - as always - to the older neighbors. We called them Aunt Hilde and Uncle Heinz. Aunt Hilde always brought cakes and at Christmas each of us got a bag of homemade cookies and chocolate. We were very happy about the delicious homemade cookies. We were also allowed to look at the Christmas tree they had in the living room. We were very excited. Since we really wanted to have a Christmas tree, my parents inquired how expensive it was. In the end, such a tree was too expensive for my parents. So we always enjoyed the tree of our neighbors.

In autumn my brother and I collected chestnuts. We sold them to the forester. He then gave the chestnuts to the animals in the forest. From the money we got, we later bought something for our mother at Christmas and Mother's Day. She was very happy about it.

My grandpa: a dazzling personality

One day a letter came from the Turkish authorities. It said that father and his brother had to take care of their biological father. He had no money and needed financial support. According to Turkish law, his sons were obligated to provide for his support. Dad was very angry when he read the letter and said, "We had to live in the tent for a long time because of his misdeeds as a child. Mother had also suddenly disappeared and no one knew if she was dead or still alive somewhere. Then he sold me to the owner of a shisha bar when I was twelve. My little sister was luckier. She was sold to a rich couple. My younger brother was simply given away to relatives. Now I'm supposed to take care of him?" Mother said, "We have no choice. You should talk to your brother about it. The best thing would be for both of you to go and see him." "I'm going to see my brother now," my father then said. He put on his shoes and went to see him. He lived just a few streets away. When he arrived at his house, his brother said, "Did you also get a letter from our father?" "Yes! What are we going to do?" "We'll take a vacation for a week first and fly there on Saturday and then we'll see." "All right, we'll take a vacation together starting Saturday."

So they flew to Izmir and from there they drove to the place where grandpa lived. He was staying with distant relatives. My grandpa had no left arm and no right leg. He had lost both a long time ago. When he saw his sons, he started crying and apologized for his mistakes. Now they should forgive him.