Negotiating For Dummies E-Book

Michael C. Donaldson

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 702

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Beschreibung

People who can't or won't negotiate on their own behalf run the risk of paying too much, earning too little, and always feeling like they're getting the short end of the stick. Negotiating For Dummies offers tips and strategies to help you become a more comfortable and effective negotiator. It shows you negotiating can improve many of your everyday transactions--everything from buying a car to upping your salary. Find out how to: * Develop a negotiating style * Map out the opposition * Set goals and limits * Listen, then ask the right question * Interpret body language * Say what you mean with crystal clarity * Deal with difficult people * Push the pause button * Close the deal Featuring new information on re-negotiating, as well as online, phone, and international negotiations, Negotiating For Dummies helps you enter any negotiation with confidence and come out feeling like a winner.

Leseprobe

Negotiating For Dummies, 2nd Edition

by Michael C. Donaldson

Negotiating For Dummies, 2nd Edition®

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Copyright © 2007 by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Indianapolis, Indiana

Published by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Indianapolis, Indiana

Published simultaneously in Canada

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ISBN: 978-0-470-04522-0

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

I have known Michael Donaldson since our days in law school together. We share fundamental values about our human community, and I agree about how honest negotiation can help us realize those values.

Now that I’ve reviewed the final text, it is gratifyingly obvious that this is not merely a book about techniques. It is not a book about cheap tricks. As far as I know, it is the only book on negotiating that begins with creating a personal or business mission statement that explores and then incorporates your values and beliefs. I strongly agree that people must always negotiate from an informed, deeply held belief system.

This is also the only book on negotiating I have seen that has an entire chapter on listening to one’s inner voice. You must hear what your heart and your gut tell you before you can best use the other insights of this book. No practical guide can overrule your inner sense of what is right and wrong.

I am no stranger to high-stakes, complicated negotiations. My own background as the Attorney General of the State of Oregon includes some hefty negotiations. I was one of the three chief negotiators representing all 50 states in a case involving some extraordinarily complicated issues of oil pricing. The case resulted in a settlement exceeding 4 billion dollars. At the time, it was the largest settlement in American legal history. That negotiation took place in some 15 different locations over a period of four years and involved dozens of parties.

From this and other experiences, I know that superficial technique can be no substitute for beginning with an informed, deeply held belief system. The reason I like this book is that it makes clear how every negotiation is premised on alignments of fundamental values. We must understand ourselves and what we wish to accomplish and then develop these values and feeling with those who might seem, on the surface, to be our adversaries. In this book, you will discover how we all may be more effective in resolving the big and little negotiations that our turbulent existence shows us every day.

Dave Frohnmayer, President, University of Oregon Attorney General, emeritus — State of Oregon (1981–1991)

David Frohnmayer was President of the National Association of Attorneys General (1987–1988). He received that association’s Wyman award in 1987 saluting the nation’s most outstanding attorney general. He was one of three chief state negotiators in the Stripper Well litigation that led to what was then the largest civil settlement in the history of American law. He was the lead counsel for the states when the settlement was argued in court.

About the Author

Michael C. Donaldson is an ex-Marine. As a 1st Lieutenant, he was selected to be Officer-In-Charge of the first Marine ground combat unit in Vietnam. He went on to earn his law degree from the University of California at Berkeley (Boalt Hall) where he was student body president. He raised his three lovely daughters (Michelle, Amy, and Wendy) as a single parent and is now the proud grandfather of two healthy and happy grandsons (Soul and Caden). He is an avid skier, worldwide hiker, and award-wining photographer. He competed in the Senior Olympics in Gymnastics, winning gold medals for the parallel bars in 1996, 1997, and 1998 and a silver metal for rings in 1998.

In his successful entertainment law practice, Michael represents writers, directors, and producers. He was co-chairman of the Entertainment Section of the Beverly Hills Bar Association and is listed in Who’s Who of American Law. His book Clearance and Copyright is used in 50 film schools across the country.

Michael travels extensively to universities, annual meetings, and corporate headquarters throughout the United States, Asia, and Europe to lead workshops on the topic of negotiating. His expertise, developed over a lifetime of experience and learning, makes him a highly sought-after speaker. Michael’s expansive knowledge of negotiating coupled with his energetic and engaging style delivers powerful results to each seminar attendee.

Michael C. Donaldson 2118 Wilshire Blvd, Suite 500 Santa Monica, California 90403-5784 [email protected]

Speeches, Seminars, and Consulting

Michael’s expansive knowledge of negotiating coupled with his energetic and engaging style delivers powerful results at seminars and keynote speeches.

Free Negotiating Stuff

As a Dummies reader, you can visit Michael’s Web site, www.michaelc donaldson.com, and get the following free materials:

Use this special code: NEGOTIATINGCHAMP

Dedication

This book is dedicated with love and respect to:

Sally Tompkins

Anne Laidlaw

Susie Kittleson (1941-2006)

Author’s Acknowledgments

I gratefully acknowledge the contribution of so many beloved people whose talent and willingness to help were indispensable:

Publisher’s Acknowledgments

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Contents

Title

Introduction

Who Needs to Read This Book?

Foolish Assumptions

About This Book

How This Book Is Organized

Icons Used in This Book

Where to Go from Here

Part I : Preparing to Negotiate

Chapter 1: Negotiating for Life

When Am I Negotiating?

The Six Basic Skills of Negotiating

Handling All Sorts of Negotiations

Chapter 2: Knowing What You Want and Preparing to Get It

Creating Your Vision

Deciding How You Are Going to Achieve Your Vision

Preparing Yourself for Negotiation

Defining Your Space

Chapter 3: Mapping the Opposition

Identifying the Person Conducting the Negotiation

Filling Out the Information Checklist

Determining the Negotiator’s Level of Authority

Finding the Negotiator’s Key Client

Focusing on the Negotiator’s Interests

Chapter 4: Knowing the Marketplace

Gathering Information: The One with the Most Knowledge Wins

Playing Detective and Evaluating Info

Preparing from the General to the Specific

Chapter 5: Setting Goals

Setting a Good Goal

Separating Long-Range Goals from Short-Range Goals

Setting the Opening Offer

Breaking the Stone Tablet

Chapter 6: Setting and Enforcing Limits

What It Means to Set Limits

Setting Limits in Three Easy Steps

Enforcing Your Limits

Practicing Negotiating toward a Limit

How to Tell the Other Party When You’re the One Walking Away

The Consequences of Not Setting Limits

Re-examining Your Limits

Sometimes, the Best Deal in Town Is No Deal at All

Part II : Getting Your Point Across

Chapter 7: Listening — Really, Truly Listening

Two Quick and Easy Starter Tips to Better Listening

Six Barriers to Being a Good Listener

Becoming a Good Listener

Listening Your Way up the Corporate Ladder

Chapter 8: Asking the Right Questions

Tickle It Out: The Art of Coaxing Out Information

Asking Good Questions: A Real Power Tool

Dealing with Unacceptable Responses

Look for Evidence of Listening

Chapter 9: Listening to Body Language

Everybody’s Bilingual

What Our Bodies Can Say

Using Your Knowledge of Body Language in Your Next Negotiation

Don’t Believe Everything You See

Chapter 10: Tuning In to Your Inner Voice

The Origins of Your Inner Voice

Bringing Out Your Inner Voice

Heeding Special Messages

Chapter 11: Being Crystal Clear: Telling It Like It Is

What Being Clear Means

Organizing Your Thoughts for Clarity

Tips for Being Clear

Steering Others to Clarity

Capturing an Audience

When You Have to Say No

Barriers to Clarity

The High Cost of Not Being Clear

Phrases You Should Never Use during a Negotiation

How to Really Garble Communication

Part III : Getting Past the Glitches to Close It Up

Chapter 12: Pushing the Pause Button to Turn Off the Hot Buttons

Defining the Pause Button

Telling the Other Person That You Need a Pause

Knowing When to Pause

If You’re Not the Only One to Pause

Dealing with Your Hot Buttons and Other Emotional Responses

Handling Stressful Situations

Chapter 13: Dealing with Difficult People and Situations

Office Pests

Personality Types That Block Closing

Chapter 14: Closing the Deal and Feeling Good About It

Good Deals, Bad Deals, and Win-Win Negotiating

Concessions vs. Conditions

What It Means to Close a Deal

Understanding the Letter of the Law

Recognizing When to Close

Knowing How to Close

Barriers to Closing

Closing When It’s All in the Family

When the Deal Is Done

Chapter 15: When the Deal Just Won’t Seem to Close

Overcoming the Glitches

Dirty Tricks That Torment

Addressing Red Flags That Come Up When It’s Time to Close

Dealing with a Bad Negotiating Environment

Managing Conflict When the Deal Won’t Close

The Ultimate Glitch: Someone Walks Away

Starting All Over Again

Part IV : Conducting Cross-Cultural and Complex Negotiations

Chapter 16: International Negotiating

Understanding “Culture” Before You Negotiate Across the Globe

Preparing for a Negotiating Session with Someone from Another Culture

Listening Around the World

Speaking to Foreigners

Observing Body Language

Overcoming Unique Issues in International Negotiations

Closing Around the World

Chapter 17: Negotiating with the Opposite Sex

Conversing Between the Sexes

Four Strategies for Women Who Want Men to Hear Them

Four Strategies for Men Who Want Women to Hear Them

Negotiating with Your Spouse, Your Boss, or Your Most Important Customer

Chapter 18: Complex Negotiations

The Elements of a Complex Negotiation

Putting Your Skills to Work in Complex Negotiations

Building Your Team

Going Back for More: The Renegotiation

Chapter 19: Blind Negotiating: Telephone and Internet

Putting in the Call

Assembling the Participants for a Telephone Chat

Making the Most of Your Telephone Negotiation

Negotiating via E-Mail

Part V : The Part of Tens

Chapter 20: Ten Personality Traits of Top Negotiators

Empathy

Respect

Personal Integrity

Fairness

Patience

Responsibility

Flexibility

Sense of Humor

Self-Discipline

Stamina

Chapter 21: Ten Key Negotiations of Your Life

Asking for a Raise

Buying a Used Car

Buying Engagement and Wedding Rings

Planning a Wedding

Buying a Home

Negotiating a Home Improvement Contract

Negotiating a Divorce Settlement

Negotiating about Naptime, Curfew, Dessert, and Other Childhood Necessities

Choosing Medical Care for an Incapacitated Parent

Buying Funeral Services

Introduction

Welcome to Negotiating For Dummies, 2nd Edition — a new and improved way to get what you want in life.

You negotiate all day long, not just on the job but in every situation you encounter — with your boss or your employees, with your vendors or your clients, with your spouse or your kids, even with the serviceperson who comes to your house but doesn’t repair the refrigerator after all. All of these relationships call for constant negotiation.

A negotiation is any communication in which you are attempting to achieve the approval, acquiescence, or action of someone else. Most people tend to think of negotiation in the business context or in connection with major purchases, such as a home or a car. But you probably spend more of your energy in one-minute life negotiations such as, “Dad, can I borrow the car?” or “Honey, will you please put the seat down?” The lessons in this book apply to both the once-in-a-lifetime, million-dollar deals and the everyday, one-minute life negotiations.

Who Needs to Read This Book?

Everyone.

Face it, you negotiate all day long, and you can do a much better job of it. No matter how you perceive your skills today, they can be stronger tomorrow. And your progress can start with this book.

Many people assume that they know a great deal about negotiating because they have done it so often, but these same people have never given a moment’s thought to the fundamentals of successful negotiating. Worse, many people believe that their lawyers are knowledgeable about negotiating simply because they are lawyers! The sad truth is that most people who negotiate for a living are untrained for that part of their endeavor.

Those people who want to understand more about the mechanics of negotiating often decide to take a course, buy a book, or read an article. But all too often, the course, the book, or the article assumes that the reader already knows the fundamentals. This book does not assume anything. I discuss each of the six basic skills that you will use in every negotiation. If it relates to negotiating, it’s in here somewhere.

The mission of this book is to help you to negotiate from strength. Understanding the six basic skills used in every negotiation in which you are involved transforms you into a confident and successful negotiator. After you have mastered the six basic skills of negotiating and achieved this position of strength, every tough situation you encounter becomes easier to analyze and conquer.

Students who have attended my seminars tell me that they use my material to get raises, to get promotions, and to close deals. They tell me how they use the course materials to improve the quality of their office life by approaching co-workers using negotiating techniques. One student wrote: “I don’t have to yell anymore.”

Foolish Assumptions

This book is for you whether you are

Beginning a career, or just looking to brush up your skills

A pushover who never seems to get your way, or a master negotiator — widely admired but constantly striving to improve

Unemployed and want a job, or employed and want a raise

A teacher searching for a way to get your students to do what you want them to do, or a parent wanting to talk more convincingly with your children

A team player who wants to have more input during negotiating sessions, or a team leader going for a specific win in your next negotiation

About This Book

This book is not about tricks or one-upmanship. This book answers your questions and gives you guidance by breaking negotiations down into their basic elements. Call these elements skills, steps, basics, or whatever you like — each has the potential to become your personal negotiating power tool.

I follow the theories of a championship sports camp. Think of the greatest tennis player you have seen in your life. The strokes that this player uses are the same strokes every beginning player learns: the serve, forehand, backhand, overhand, and volley. The difference between the expert and the novice is that the expert has used the basic strokes over and over — at the net, the midcourt, and the baseline — with a friend or coach providing guidance.

Think of this book as your friend and coach, someone to go to when you have a question about negotiating. Just like a tennis lesson, this book identifies each basic skill and then demonstrates its use in every situation. If you practice these skills enough, you can become a world-class negotiator, turning the basic strokes of a negotiation into winning power strokes.

Enjoy the books and movies mentioned throughout the book. In the seminars that I teach, these materials generate genuine fun and lots of progress. And don’t think you can only work on your negotiation skills in the workplace. Involve your entire family in your growth as you develop the practical skills that are at the core of every master negotiator’s success.

How This Book Is Organized

This book tackles two different negotiating skills in each part. I analyze and evaluate each skill and provide many different ways to use it. A separate part deals with the special challenges of cross-cultural and complex negotiations. The final part includes top-ten lists to improve your overall negotiating style.

Part I: Preparing to Negotiate

Long before a negotiation begins, one of life’s most important questions faces you: Why am I here? Do I really want to enter this negotiation? What are my choices? Too many people let themselves be tossed around by life itself. Take control. Your first negotiation is with yourself. Part I shows you how to prepare yourself for a negotiation, figure out the other side, and put the negotiation in context within the marketplace. All this preparation sounds like a lot of work, but it’s the key to real power in any negotiation.

This part is also about drawing lines and setting goals. You need to set your goals and define your limits before the actual negotiation begins. After you know your goals and limits, you can decide on your opening offer. Your goals and limits carry you right to the end of the negotiation, enabling you to decide when to close a deal and when to walk away. The very process of setting limits gives you power in a negotiation, because the process forces you to focus on what else you will do if you fail to reach an agreement. I call that your or else.

Part II: Getting Your Point Across

This part covers the most underrated skill of all — listening. Most beginners want to rush by this essential skill. They seriously underestimate its importance and submit to the many barriers to productive listening. Nonverbal cues are also an important part of negotiating. Body language can be just as expressive as the spoken word. In this part, I also examine what our bodies say. The next time you walk into a meeting, pay close attention to a gesture, a handshake, or a hug. They’re just as important as listening to what the other party has to say.

The other side of the communication coin is speaking clearly. Because everybody talks so much each day, becoming sloppy with this essential skill is easy. Turn to Part II if you want to make each word count and make sure that people hear you every time you speak.

Part III: Getting Past the Glitches to Close It Up

Ever notice how world-class negotiators always appear calm and focused? This part tells you how to remain dispassionate throughout even the most heated negotiation. Turn here to find out how emotions can influence and upset a negotiation; then discover how to curtail your emotions using your pause button. Like the pause button on your DVD player, this essential skill enables you to freeze-frame the negotiation and take a break — a great way to keep your emotional distance. Discover how to push the pause button at every critical juncture during the negotiation to prevent emotional upset, evaluate your progress, and decide whether to make the deal or to walk away.

Closing the deal is the glory moment when everything comes together and you bring closure to the negotiation. You either close the deal or choose to end the discussion. Either way, a successful closure is the ultimate goal in every negotiation. Just before you bring closure, step back and be sure that you have a win-win situation. Closure is also a separate skill that you must develop if you are to become successful in every negotiation you undertake.

Of course, all kinds of mishaps can keep a deal from closing. This part discusses those situations in which you feel you have done everything right, and yet the deal still won’t close. First you must identify the glitch, and then you can get past it.

Part IV: Conducting Cross-Cultural and Complex Negotiations

Preparing to negotiate in another country adds another dimension to your preparation. In this part, I examine the tools you need to negotiate in foreign lands. Study the language, culture, and modes of listening in other parts of the world and you’ll be one step ahead of the game.

The differences between men and women continue to make negotiating between the sexes a unique situation. This part has a separate chapter that covers strategies to improve communication between men and women, thus making us better negotiators.

What makes a negotiation complex? Flip to this section to understand the factors that convolute the negotiation process. Sometimes you’ll think the deal is closed, but then the media wants to inform the public about the deal, or the deal requires a vote of approval before closing. What happens if something isn’t working and you need to renegotiate? Turn to this part to find out about the intricacies of the renegotiation process.

The telephone and Internet have changed the way we communicate. The last chapter in this part contains a lot of helpful hints and tips to follow when negotiating over the telephone and Internet.

Part V: The Part of Tens

The parts leading up to The Part of Tens burrow into the individual skills you need in every negotiation. The short chapters in this part cover ways to strengthen your overall negotiation skills and put your negotiating skills to work in daily life.

Icons Used in This Book

Check out the margins of this book and you find lots of little pictures. Cute, aren’t they? These are icons to guide you to the information you crave. Looking for a film that’s a good example of the negotiating process? In need of a reminder before you walk into your next board meeting? Just scan the pages for the appropriate icons.

This icon points out a film that deals with some aspect of negotiating. You can go online to buy all the films noted throughout the book, or you can rent them at your local video store. Gather your friends, family, or co-workers to watch the film and improve your negotiating skills.

This icon marks the dirty tricks sharks try to play on you. Don’t fall prey to these pitfalls — and avoid using these nasty tactics yourself.

Just looking for the bottom line? This icon emphasizes information that you should absolutely, positively keep in mind at all times if you want to be a successful negotiator.

This icon denotes honest tricks of the trade, shortcuts, and loopholes. I’ve stumbled across plenty of tips that you may want to have at your fingertips. Look for these icons to save time, money, and face in your next negotiation.

Where to Go from Here

Look through the book to get an overview of the six essential skills you need in every negotiation. Then find which part or chapter turns you on. That’s the best place to begin.

Most people won’t start in the area in which they need the most help. They usually choose their favorite area — the area about which they are confident. That’s okay. Even your strongest area can get stronger. Then, as you shift your focus to your weaker areas, you enjoy the greatest amount of progress.

The most important point to consider right now is that you’re already headed toward the winner’s circle. The most successful people in life are those who continue to grow. The fact that you have this book in your hand now puts you into that realm. It’s not how much you know that counts, but how much you are willing to add after you “know it all.”

Part I

Preparing to Negotiate

In this part . . .

If you want to negotiate successfully, you must be prepared. Preparation doesn’t just mean reading up on your subject matter; it includes understanding the person with whom you’ll be negotiating and being in touch with your own strengths and limitations. You have to do some soul-searching to determine your goals and make your opening offer. Setting limits is a life skill that comes into play in this process and puts you in charge of the negotiation. How to make all of these critical decisions is the topic of this part.

Chapter 1

Negotiating for Life

In This Chapter

Applying the six basic skills of negotiating

Handling unique negotiations

Negotiating is not a skill to take out once in a while when you have to make a deal. Negotiating is a way to get what you want out of life. You negotiate all day long, whether it’s with your co-workers, your spouse, or your kids.

No matter how large or small, how important or minor, how near or far, a negotiation involves six basic skills. I explain these six skills in the first three parts of this book. After you understand how you can use these skills in a negotiation, you will use them every time you sit down at the negotiating table.

If you think of negotiating as a sport, you can use this book as a manual to improve your game. I briefly explain the necessary skills in this chapter and then give you detailed instructions on how to improve each one of these skills in subsequent chapters. So when you come across a skill you need to or want to work on, just skip to the corresponding chapter or chapters.

For example, if you are a good listener, but need help in setting limits, read Chapter 6. Maybe you want to be able to keep your emotional distance in a negotiation. Chapter 12 can give you some pointers. Of course, you can always read the book from cover to cover. Some people do that. But most people read this chapter for an overview and then skip around the book.

As you read these chapters, you will see that you can take several steps, large and small, to help you improve at these six skills. As your skills grow, you will take charge of the negotiations you face in your life. Even if your dreams or your paycheck seem to hinge on forces beyond your control, you can create a master plan for your life and achieve your dreams — one negotiation at a time.