Never Get a "Real" Job E-Book

Scott Gerber

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 342

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2010

Beschreibung

Young serial entrepreneur Scott Gerber is not the product of a wealthy family or storied entrepreneurial heritage. Nor is he the outcome of a traditional business school education or a corporate executive turned entrepreneur. Rather, he is a hard-working, self-taught 26-year-old hustler, rainmaker, and bootstrapper who has survived and thrived despite never having held the proverbial "real" job. In Never Get a "Real" Job: How to Dump Your Boss, Build a Business, and Not Go Broke, Gerber challenges the social conventions behind the "real" job and empowers young people to take control of their lives and dump their nine-to-fives--or their quest to attain them. Drawing upon case studies, experiences, and observations, Scott dissects failures, shares hard-learned lessons, and presents practical, affordable, and systematic action steps to building, managing, and marketing a successful business on a shoestring budget. The proven, no-b.s. methodology presented in Never Get a "Real" Job teaches unemployed and underemployed Gen-Yers, aspiring small business owners, students, and recent college graduates how to quit 9-to-5s, become their own bosses, and achieve financial independence.

Leseprobe

Contents

Acknowledgments

Foreword

Introduction

Part One: The Breakdown

Chapter 1: Everyone Poops. Yours Isn’t Special

College: The Drunken Road to Easy Street

Dude, Where’s My Dream Job?

Welcome to Your “Real” Job, Mr. Janitor

The Broken Promise

Chapter 2: No One Cares About You—Unless You Make Them Care

You Are Not Special

Claiming to Be a Winner Does Not Make You One

You’re Brilliant . . . So What?

Lifestyles of the Poor and Vain

Shut Up, Pinocchio

Put It on My Tab

Chapter 3: Darwin + Murphy = Reality

Your Business Is Not the Exception to Any Rule

The Worst-Case Scenario Is the Only Scenario

No One Will Invest in Your Idea

Part Two: Building A Foundation

Chapter 4: Get Off Your Ass and Start Up!

Get Real with Your Finances

Those Who Reinvent the Wheel are Doomed to Be Run Over by It

What Do You Know, Anyway?

Keep It Simple, Stupid

The Bottomless Money Pit

Can Your SWOT Team Do CPR?

Chapter 5: Business Plans Suck

Toss the Old-School Business Plan

The One-Paragraph Start-Up Plan

Chapter 6: To Partner or Not to Partner

The Worst Partners for Your Start-Up

Don’t Consider Letting Worthless Flaky People Try out

Never Jump Right In: The Water’s Not Fine

Part Three: From The Ground Up

Chapter 7: Act Like a Start-Up, Stupid

Surviving a “Real” Day in the Life

Get Your Head in the Game, Chump

Design Your Entrepreneurial Life

“Mind” Your Business

Chapter 8: Shoestrapping (Because the Boot Is Too Damn Expensive)

Fake It ’Til You Make It

The Only Team Your Money Can Buy

Do What Makes Cents

Cash Flow or Die!

Chapter 9: Those Phones Won’t Ring Themselves

Come Out! Come Out! Wherever You Are!

Sell Like There’s No Tomorrow—Or There Won’t Be

Chapter 10: Facebook Isn’t a Marketing Strategy

Message before Platform

Think Guerrilla, Not Godzilla

Conclusion

Index

Praise for Never Get A “Real” Job

“This kick-ass book will save you from a kiss-ass job. For best results, read it from your cubicle—and then start planning your farewell trip to the boss’s office.”

—Chris Guillebeau, author of The Art of Non-Conformity

“It’s never too late to become what you could have been . . . this book will get you started!”

—Elliott Bisnow, founder, Summit Series Conferences

“Scott Gerber is a straight shooter who tells it like it is. Never Get a “Real” Job is the Gen Y wake-up call. It’s the end of fun and games; time to get a handle on reality. Scott gives solid advice for someone who’s buried the 9-to-5, underemployed, or unemployed. If you aren’t buying this book for your kids, buy it for yourself.”

—Matt Wilson, cofounder, Under30CEO.com

“If you’re in search of a wake-up call from your disheveled and sedentary lifestyle, read this book. Scott slaps arrogance, ignorance, and mainstream theory directly in the face with dose after dose of real-world practicality.”

—Gary Whitehill, founder of New York Entrepreneur Week (NYEW) and The Relentless Foundation

“Every high school senior should be handed this book along with his or her diploma as they cross the graduation stage. Through a skillfully crafted combination of humor, practical advice, and in-your-face wake-up calls, Scott Gerber makes a rock solid case for why, in today’s world, the old advice of ‘Get good grades, go to college, and get a good job’ is outdated and impractical, and how it’s not just possible, but highly advisable, to Never Get a “Real” Job!”

—Adam Toren, cofounder and CEO, YoungEntrepreneur.com; and coauthor of Kidpreneurs

“This book IS NOT for the happily employed, or eager to be employed. If you are, it will either offend you, depress you, or make you want to quit. ‘Be afraid, be very afraid,’ as Scott says here. But, for all those who have an itchy feeling about the idea of taking a job to merely pay the bills, this book is your savior. Never Get a “Real” Job totally personifies the wild ride that is entrepreneurship: It’s raw, real, sobering, shocking, making you laugh, cry, curse . . . all while reassuring you that you’d never want to do anything else with your life. It’s a frank, candid, in-your-face, no-holds-barred book for the antiemployment types. And there are plenty of those out there. You may be one of them. If you are, Never Get a “Real” Job is definitely for you.”

—Jennifer Kushell, founder of YSN.com, Your Success Network; and author of the New York Times best-seller, Secrets of the Young & Successful

“I could never hold a ‘real’ job. If you can’t either, read Scott Gerber’s new book about how to take control of your own future as a small business owner. You won’t always enjoy the ride, but it will be exhilarating!”

—Barry Moltz, author of You Need to Be a Little Crazy

NEVER GET A “REAL” JOB

Copyright © 2011 by Scott Gerber. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, [phone], fax [phone], or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, [phone], fax [phone], or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

For general information on our other products and services or for technical support, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at [phone], outside the United States at [phone] or fax [phone].

Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books. For more information about Wiley products, visit our web site at www.wiley.com.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Gerber, Scott, 1983-

Never get a “real” job : how to dump your boss, build a business, and not go broke / Scott Gerber.

p. cm.

ISBN 978–0–470–64386–0 (cloth)

ISBN 978–0–470–92547–8 (ebk)

ISBN 978–0–470–92548–5 (ebk)

ISBN 978–0–470–92549–2 (ebk)

1. Entrepreneurship. 2. Self-employed. 3. New business enterprises. 4. Small business. 5. Success in business. I. Title.

HB615.G48 2010

658.1'1—dc22

2010024730

This book is dedicated to the death of the “real” job.

Die, you miserable bastard.

Acknowledgments

I’ve poured every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears I could muster into Never Get a “Real” Job. It’s my hope that this book gives you the strength, practical knowledge, and swift kick in the ass you need to avoid unemployment or underemployment, or quit lousy, life-draining 9-to-5s once and for all. May it give you the sense of purpose and perspective you need to kick your boss to the curb and never look back.

Before I shed light on the arduous, yet rewarding journey that lies ahead, I’d like to take a moment to thank the many people who have made Never Get a “Real” Job possible. My editorial team was simply top notch. I have never simultaneously loved and hated a group of people as much as the great folks who stood behind me during this grueling process.

To my partner in crime/book and Entrepreneur magazine editor, Kimberlee Morrison: Thank you for jumping on board the “Death to the ‘Real’ Job Express” with me. Your guidance, support, and no-holds-barred editorial approach played an instrumental role in transforming this book from mere words on a page to hardcore advice worth reading. You’re one tough cookie, and I love you for it.

Partnering with John Wiley & Sons, Inc., on Never Get a “Real” Job was without a doubt the right move. My book editor Dan Ambrosio helped steer this book’s content in the right direction from the very beginning. If it weren’t for him, I might not have written this book in the first place. Thanks for believing in me, pal. I look forward to a long and prosperous collaboration.

Many thanks to my friends, colleagues, and loved ones who read and reviewed countless drafts and kept me from losing my mind during my quest to reach the Holy Grail of 60,000-plus words: Tana Pierce (the love of my life), Stephen Gnoza, Michael Volpe, Adam Steinhaus, Rachel Cohn, Geoff Glisson, Tyler Cohn, Jenny Winters, Julia Monti, Adam Biren, and Ron Adler. The panel’s mix of “real” job loyalists, aspiring small business owners, and hard-liner entrepreneurs made for great debates and insightful exchanges that I won’t soon forget.

To Amy Cosper and all of the other great folks at Entrepreneur magazine: Thank you for giving me my start as a writer and columnist. It’s been one of the greatest privileges of my life to connect with hundreds of thousands of entrepreneurs around the world.

I’m extremely fortunate to have such an amazing bunch of mentors and colleagues in my corner who motivate me to kick ass and take names every day: Rosalind Resnick, Ed Droste, Craig Spierer, John Bellaud, Ron Mannanice, Sharon Badal, Jeff Sloan, Scott Talarico, Robert King, Michael Sinensky, Charlie Stettler, Domenic Rom, Michael Simmons, and Donna Fenn. I thank you all for your continued support of my entrepreneurial ambitions. I also want to shout out all of the great organizations that promoted Never Get a “Real” Job while it was being written: Entrepreneur.com, About.com, Extreme Entrepreneurship Tour, Mixergy.com, BusinessInsider.com, Young & Successful, YoungUpstarts.com, SuccessCircuit.com, and Under30CEO.com.

Finally, to my mom and dad, Ellen and Kevin: Thanks for supporting and loving me every step of the way. I know it’s not easy to have a son who likes to live on the edge, but you’ve stayed by my side through thick and thin. For that I am truly grateful. Sure, you guys swear by “real” jobs and have tried to get me to do the same time and time again, but I love you anyway.

Foreword

I started my first business when I was 16 years old. Being an entrepreneur has completely changed my life for the better. Simply put, it is the single best professional decision I’ve ever made.

Over years of hard work, I’ve written a best-selling book, The Student Success Manifesto, spoken to tens of thousands of fellow Generation Yers, built a successful business that promotes entrepreneurship on college campuses called The Extreme Entrepreneurship Tour, and been featured in national media that I only dreamed of.

However, what many people don’t know is that I had over $40,000 in credit card debt at my lowest point and had to constantly hear my mom ask me when I was going to get a “real” job.

When I was first getting started, none of my friends had any idea what entrepreneurship was. I can remember the stress of pursuing a vision that I felt I saw clearly, but that no one else could see. I questioned myself constantly about whether or not I was doing the right things. But, I kept on going, and in the end it all paid off. Not because of luck, but because I actually learned how to run a business. I only wish that Never Get a “Real” Job had been written when I was getting started so I could have learned from Scott’s mistakes instead of my own.

Today’s twenty-something-year-olds are experiencing the reality of this book even as I write this foreword. After nearly two decades of schooling (with lots of student debt) in preparation for the “real world,” a large percentage of today’s young people are moving back in with their parents, taking low-paying jobs that they could have done in grade school, or going on to further education in hopes that there might be a job waiting for them once they graduate. (Good luck!) The reality is that we’re all experiencing more of a sign of times to come than of a passing recession. In tomorrow’s world, being an entrepreneur will be a requirement for success. If Generation Y adopts this mind-set, I believe it will create a new level of prosperity that we have never seen. However, if it doesn’t, I fear that Generation Y will become the ‘lost’ generation.

Never Get a “Real” Job is a timely book that needed to be written and Scott Gerber is the perfect person to write it. Scott is part of his audience, and he’s successfully done what he’s asking his readers to do. He has an entertaining style, which makes the book a page-turner.

The old path of going to the “right” school, getting good grades, and going right into your dream job is broken! Which is why this book should be required reading for every college student and twenty-somethings—because it gives people a new, clear path and shows them how to go from where they are to achieving their personal and career goals. Scott provides a solution that he himself recently navigated through. Instead of the typical narrative from other business books: “I’m super successful and twenty years ago when I was in your position, here’s what I did,” Scott’s narrative is more authentic, relatable, and therefore, easier and more effective to apply. He is still in his twenties and very recently in the same exact position as his readers. He admits that he doesn’t yet own the Ferrari, yet his success is extremely impressive and inspiring nonetheless.

Never Get a “Real” Job is also very realistic, pulls no punches, and is perfect for the times we’re in. It doesn’t provide the rosy perspective of: “If you become an entrepreneur, money will take care of itself and you’ll be able to live happily ever after.” Instead, it warns you about the misconceptions of entrepreneurship and provides a systematic, three-stage approach to minimize your risk and get money in your pocket as soon as possible.

In the end, this book is a great wake up call for both parents and young people. Scott warns parents that the “go to school, get good grades, and get a good job” mantra is broken. At the same time, he doesn’t simply let young people off the hook. He shares that to be successful will require a ton of hard work over time, learning new skills, and constantly going outside your comfort zone.

I guarantee that if you follow Scott’s advice, your success will not be a question of if; it will be a question of when.

This book and Scott’s highly trafficked youth entrepreneurship columns are just the start of the “Never Get a ‘Real’ Job movement,” and I’m honored that my organization is a part of it.

—Michael Simmons, Founder of the Extreme Entrepreneurship Tour

Introduction

Never Get a “Real” Job

“Scott, when are you going to get a real job?”

With those words, my mother had decided to bring up the question for what seemed like the millionth time—a question that had become the dreaded, bane-of-my-existence conversation starter, one that felt like root canal surgery without the Novocain every time I heard it. Even though I had fought hard to win this discussion countless times before, she simply wouldn’t let the topic die.

Being one year out of an expensive university without a “real” job to show for it gave my steady-paycheck, benefits-loving, schoolteacher mother heart palpitations. Granted, I wasn’t making much money at the time—but I certainly wasn’t living on the streets begging for change, either. My start-up company was generating a modest income—comparable to most entry-level positions—and was enabling me to feed myself, pay my rent, and socialize like any other normal twenty-something-year-old. And although I was busting my ass, hustling my way into pitch meetings with Fortune 500 companies, every time I heard my name in the same sentence with the phrase “real” job—which, according to my mother, meant one with a specific title in which I worked for someone else—well, it was almost as if none of my hard work mattered.

Fear of deviation from the straight-arrow path drove my mother to constantly ask this question of me. And the only way she could calm her fears was to try to scare the hell out of me and to point out why my life choices were unequivocally flawed.

“One day you’re going to have a family. How are you going to support them? You’ll want a nice house. You’ll have to pay a mortgage,” she cautioned frequently.

The tone of this discussion changed regularly, usually shifting between loud and louder. However, the main points were always consistent:

“What are you doing with your life?”

“Why did I send you to college?”

“How do you plan to make a living?”

Frustrated and standing my ground, we’d begin the big debate.

“I know what I’m doing,” I would reply. “Just because I don’t work 9-to-5 like you doesn’t mean I’m not making a living.”

She’d respond with an apples-to-oranges comparison.

“Your friends are all moving forward in their lives. They all have good jobs and are building their careers. I don’t understand why you can’t do the same.”

I’d throw in some sharp-tongued sarcastic comment criticizing her values.

“You taught me to be a leader, not a follower. Didn’t you? Or was that only meant to be applied to every other aspect of my life?”

My mother would inevitably try to end the debate with an existential-sounding proverb of her own design meant to illuminate my foolish train of thought.

“You don’t want to wake up one day and see that life has passed you by, do you?”

But it never ended there.

This argument was a test of wills; it could go on for five minutes, or five hours. But after all of the pointless back-and-forth banter and skyrocketing blood pressure, the exchange only resulted in a stalemate—and fueled similar debates later.

There is a good reason that becoming an entrepreneur feels so natural to so many of us. Whether they realize it or not—and as I pointed out to my mother during these trying discussions—our parents and our teachers encouraged us to be that way. Years of lauding and back-patting ingrained in us the notion that we could conquer the world. Ironically, what our mentors neglected to teach us was how to actually live that lifestyle. And the thought of us not getting a job terrifies them. Why? Because our parents learned from our grandparents that a job—preferably a “safe” one, with benefits and a pension—was necessary for survival.

But while our parents and teachers may have felt comforted by this security, rarely was it what they actually wanted from their careers. Naturally, they wanted us to pursue our dreams at all costs—sometimes even to the point of risking poverty to put us through college. The problem is that they didn’t know truly how to help us get there; and if they didn’t know how to survive as entrepreneurs themselves, then how could they teach us to avoid getting a “real” job? They couldn’t; so we didn’t learn. And our education system doesn’t fill in that gap. In fact, it’s meant to teach us to be employees. So when we graduate, we’re made to believe that our choices are to get a “real” job—or to hit the highway.

Rather than chalk my mother’s encouragement up as another bedtime story, I chose the highway—and set out to learn the practical skills and tricks necessary to become what she dreamed I would be. These are the lessons I will now teach you.

WHO NEEDS THE 9-TO-5?

The mere thought of living the conventional 9-to-5 life plan—creating wealth for “The Man” instead of for myself—made me want to reach simultaneously for a bottle of Xanax and vodka. Cubicle farms, incompetent bosses, strict dress codes, and inane corporate acronyms crammed into a potentially 50- to 60-hour workweek that was out of my control—in exchange for a paycheck that barely covered expenses—it all sounded like torture. And it wasn’t for me. So I simply made up my mind that I was never going to get a “real” job. I’d find a way to make it on my own and create a life of my own design.

I just needed to figure out how the hell to do that.

I took a trip to the local bookstore during my sophomore year of college to find some material written by entrepreneurial peers who could offer me practical insights. After hours upon hours of reading book jackets and tables of contents, the sheer volume of redundant business-plan books and mundane start-up how-to guides overwhelmed me. There were countless books promising quick fixes and instant millions. There were dense dissertations packed with MBA jargon from hoity-toity academic theorists; more than a fair share of war story autobiographies from famous rock star entrepreneurs; and boatloads of overly glamorized soft covers that made entrepreneurship sound as if readers were guaranteed success if they just “set their minds to it.”

There wasn’t, however, a single, practical book written by a twenty-something-year-old with whom I could identify. Not one book in the entire store by a down-to-earth, Generation Y business owner who had turned the nothing they started with into something they wanted.

I didn’t want to learn to incorporate a business or write a business plan; this was hardly insider information, and could be found almost anywhere online anyway. I wanted solid, real-life advice from a peer who understood where I was and what I needed to do to build a business—not just a theoretical plan on paper. With the hope that my assumptions were wrong—and the feeling that I had to buy something to get myself on track—I purchased a few titles.

Sadly, I wasn’t wrong. And I ended up $75.65 poorer as a result.

Most of the books I bought were repetitive and wholly unrealistic for aspiring entrepreneurs. I began to wonder if any of these so-called business experts had ever even met a college student, recent grad, or young person looking to start his or her own business before. Ask friends and family for start-up capital? The author might as well have said, “Good luck, but if daddy doesn’t have deep pockets, don’t even bother. Get a ‘real’ job, punk.” Apply for bank loans and credit lines to gain access to operating capital? Sure, because so many of us have outstanding credit and have already paid off all of our debts and student loans. Yeah, right.

I might not have had a pot to piss in, but I sure as hell wasn’t about to quit because some blowhard authors had penned one-size-fits-all approaches to starting a business in exchange for an advance check from a publisher and an expert credential to headline their blogs.

No matter. Nothing was going to stop me from fulfilling the promise I had made to myself—not even being clueless about how to start a business.

With barely a dollar to my name and no resources to guide me, I did what I thought any half-cocked, passionate, ambitious, impulse-driven know-it-all would do: I got started and figured it out for myself. Crazy? Perhaps. But in the end, my decision and subsequent hard work paid off tenfold. Sure, there were nights I went hungry and days I nearly starved. But as the months and years passed, I found ways to feed myself quite well—all without a suitable guidebook. Fortunately, you won’t have to face the same situation; it’s a problem I’ve now remedied for you with Never Get a “Real” Job.

I KNOW YOU

Let me be clear: I don’t have millions of dollars in the bank, six-figure sports cars, or gold-plated yachts. I’m not the product of a wealthy family or a storied entrepreneurial heritage; nor am I the outcome of an accredited business school. In fact, I graduated from a film school where I never attended a single business or mathematics class.

So why should you listen to what I have to say? After all, who am I to tell you how to build a successful business?

Because I know what it’s like to have to move back in with your parents and how depressing it is to have shrinking bank accounts and mounting debts. I know what’s in store for you. I know what you think is going to happen versus what will actually happen.

I understand you, because I am you.

I was where you are right now—confused, eager, antsy, disappointed, scared, unfulfilled, and ready for something more; and not 30 years ago, either. Most importantly, my journey—and its results—are proof that anyone has the ability to survive, thrive, and make the seemingly impossible happen—all without ever needing to get a “real” job.

Since I became an entrepreneur, I’ve built several successful companies, and others that didn’t last more than three months. I’ve worked alongside both smart partners and idiots. I’ve made a lot of money—but I’ve failed more times than I’ve succeeded. Through it all, I’ve always been my own boss; I’ve never worked for “The Man,” and I’ve never gone bankrupt. Both my successes and failures have prompted me to develop new ways of thinking about business. I’ve created business planning, bootstrapping, and sales and marketing methodologies that have enabled me to build a steady and sustainable lifestyle, supported by a healthy six-figure income. I’ve shared my strategies with tens of thousands of aspiring entrepreneurs through my syndicated Entrepreneur column—and will now share them with you in this book.

WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT TO GET FROM THIS BOOK

Let’s get a few things straight at the outset. I don’t have any magic formulas for raising capital or get-rich-quick schemes. If you’re looking for cutesy gimmicks and paperwork exercises, then look elsewhere. If you’re shopping for a miracle cure or infomercial-style promises that will get you from zero to hero in a week, allow me to offer you some free advice: your ideals are totally unrealistic, and unless you change your mind-set, you’re hopeless. You can’t lose 50 pounds in one week by sitting stationary in a chair with a machine strapped around your gut; and you can’t build a successful, lucrative, and sustainable business overnight.

Unlike many other start-up guide books that offer you a few tips that might help you make a quick buck, the multifaceted approach to entrepreneurship I present to you here includes a full attack on your lifestyle. It presents logic that will challenge you mentally and emotionally, and asks you to make many tough choices, the outcomes of which will affect every facet of your life. All of this is done for a single purpose: To train you to generate immediate income to support yourself and build a business—whether you have a budget or not a single dollar to your name.

This book helps you to become a person who sees no limits, doesn’t believe in boundaries, and won’t take no for an answer. It helps you become a person who balks at the 9-to-5 system that conditions us to be dependent, and someone who stays the course even when independence is hard—or damn near impossible. This book helps you become a person unafraid to fail even when conventional wisdom would say to play it safe. Above all, it will teach you that entrepreneurship isn’t just about what you know, what you do well, or even who you know—but rather, whether you can execute effectively and make things happen. Some people get it; most people don’t. This book teaches you how to get it.

ALL ABOARD THE DEATH TO THE “REAL” JOB EXPRESS!

Whether you’re wasting away in a cubicle wanting to climb the tallest clock tower, feverishly mailing out resumes, praying you’ll get a “real” job to help you start paying down college loans, or a student who’s terrified to graduate to the real world to a position as an underemployed grunt—here is my challenge to you: Give yourself the opportunity to take control of your own destiny, walk on your own two feet, and fail or succeed on your own terms.

Accept my challenge? Good.

Welcome aboard the Death to the “Real” Job Express—a one-way ticket to the new and self-sufficient you. I’ll be your conductor.

The coddling is over. I’m not going to handle you with kid gloves or sugarcoat anything. If that’s the sort of education you’re looking for, apply to an MBA program. I didn’t write this book to tell you how special you are—because, to be quite honest, you’re not. You’re not a delicate flower or a ray of sunshine. I don’t care about your college degree, your pedigree, or how much you have in the bank—and guess what? Neither does the rest of the world. I’m here to tell it like it really is. Not like you wish it was or thought it was going to be, and certainly not like your parents, professors, and MTV told you it would be. I plan to treat you and your start-up the same way the real world will—and that is to say, not favorably.

Now, forget everything you thought you knew to be true. Leave your preconceived notions about the “real” job at the door, and tune out your parents, professors, and the pundits. It isn’t going to be easy—but together, we’re going to deconstruct you, build a solid foundation, and help you to rebuild your ideal entrepreneurial self that will be prepared to avoid the dreaded 9-to-5 lifestyle.

Now, hop on board. Next stop: Learning to become the self-employed business owner you were meant to be.

PART I

The Breakdown

1

Everyone Poops. Yours Isn’t Special

When our parents came of age in the 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s, working for “The Man” was the only game in town. Our grandparents—mostly members of the Great Depression generations for whom jobs were considered luxuries—reinforced the ideas that getting a job and working hard were essential to building a sustainable living.

Thus, the mantra was born: Work hard, get good grades, go to college, and get a job.

Before we were even born, our parents fantasized about what we would be when we grew up. They wanted things to be better for us, but in a much different way than their parents had planned for them. There was a generational divide here: To our grandparents, getting a job was a matter of survival. But our parents wanted more than survival for us—they wanted us to find our dream job and thrive. We couldn’t just get any job—they had much bigger ideas for us. They wanted us to find a cure for a disease, write the next great American novel, or become president of the United States. The possibilities seemed endless. Their expectations ran wild and knew no bounds. Before the doctor even cut our umbilical cords, we were already winners who were destined to surpass their wildest dreams—even though they had no idea what that meant or how we could even begin to make their dreams a reality.

And, then the big day arrived. You might have entered the world as an 8-pound ton-of-fun with a face that scared off the family dog, but it didn’t matter. The moment you left the womb, you were a special, perfect, one-in-a-million diamond-in-the-rough who would one day perform open-heart surgery blindfolded, while climbing Everest.

From that day forward, the world revolved around your every action. You giggled, and your parents thought it was brilliant. You rolled over, and you were amazing. When you walked, they told everyone who would listen how incredible you were. You mumbled some incoherent iteration of “mom” or “dad” that sounded more like “bus stop”—and it was life changing. Relatives would even line up to clean your diaper just to get a whiff of your majestic, rosy fragranced poop.

And the adoration didn’t end at infancy.

It was time to call the NBA when you almost hit that foul shot during your fourth-grade basketball scrimmage. Graduating from middle school was a crowning achievement. And when you made your singing debut in the high school musical’s background ensemble, your parents swore that you were on your way to Broadway.

For years, your parents, teachers, and MTV blew smoke up your ass at every turn. You were showered with undeserved accolades, encouraged to aspire to unrealistic goals, and praised for exaggerated achievements. You were the unwitting victim of a coddling culture fated to screw up your perception of reality.

No matter how pathetic the award or how asinine the proverb, you bought into it all, hook, line, and sinker. You were so busy riding the Everyone-Is-a-Winner bandwagon that you failed to realize that you were being rewarded for mediocrity—or worse, out of pity. Your parents put you on a teetering pedestal, instead of providing you a strong and realistic foundation for the rest of your life. Encouraging you to aim high is one thing, but by keeping you from feeling the sting of failure—and not allowing you space to fend for yourself independently—your parents, teachers, and coaches unknowingly set you up to be a weak, ineffectual person, unprepared for adulthood.

COLLEGE: THE DRUNKEN ROAD TO EASY STREET

From your time in the cradle, up to high school graduation, you were likely force-fed everything from Sesame Street to SAT prep courses. You were pushed to read faster, be smarter, and raise your GPA in the hopes that one day you’d be accepted into a top-rated college—and that would set you up for life.

But rather than instilling the desire to pursue a “real” job, college taught you to hate them. Most professors were open-minded thought leaders who encouraged discussion. Unlike the mandated dress codes in primary and secondary schools, college promoted a sense of individuality and expression. No one dictated where or how you worked, as long as you got the work done. Cheating or achieving grades so low that teachers began to question whether you had a pulse were two of very few reasons you might be expelled—which were better odds than hoping for job security.

When you did manage to find the time to pay attention or even make it to class, you probably realized that your classes weren’t offering you the critical skills necessary for the real world. College courses seemed to train you for the same mythical dream job your parents desired for you. There were no lectures on corporate hierarchy, filing documents, or answering phones. When you weren’t wasting time taking classes that were about as useful as a screen door on a submarine, you were receiving a high-level education that taught you how to do your eventual employer’s job, not the remedial tasks of his entry-level assistant. Simply put, you were told what to think—not how to think.

Instead of breaking free from the system and taking control of your own life, you took the easy road. You decided to allow your perception of reality to remain warped, because you knew you had a reward just waiting to be cashed in. Your BS in BS was your meal ticket to superior job placement and untold riches.

Or so you thought.

DUDE, WHERE’S MY DREAM JOB?

The years passed by so fast that before you knew it, you were finishing up your senior year of college. In a few short months you’d be pants-less, wearing a cap and gown, accepting a six-figure sheet of oak tag, and finding yourself one step closer to retirement by thirty. All of the B− term papers and drunken debauchery was finally going to pay off. It was time to get paid!

You typed up your resume in 12-point Times New Roman with your name centered at the top in bold caps. You grossly exaggerated your internship experience and gave yourself the title of VP of Operations, Marketing, and Accounting. You printed the document on 110-pound scented yellow stationery and—along with your formulaic cover letter—proudly handed the completed package to your career development counselor for her seal of approval. I’m sure there was a tear in his or her eye. You then proceeded to send resumes to all of the best employers you could find on the Web. The excitement was palpable. It was time to accept your dream job.

A few weeks went by, and you didn’t hear anything—but you didn’t let that scare you. You had an accredited degree. But still, where was the harm in hedging your bets? So you sent out 10 more resumes.

A few more weeks passed. No responses.

No problem, though, right? It was only a matter of time before someone contacted you to schedule an interview. After all, you followed your life plan to the decimal. You got good grades, and were accepted into college—now the next step was to get the job of your dreams. Right? But just to be sure, you sent out a few more resumes. Not too many. Just 75 or so . . . you know, to be on the safe side.

There’s a good possibility that if you graduated several years ago, you applied for a bunch of corporate gigs and still haven’t heard back from any employers. You’re not alone. Juan Somavia, the Director-General of the UN International Labour Organization, has recently announced that global youth unemployment has hit its highest levels ever, with 81 million young people unemployed worldwide. According to a 2009 National Association of Colleges and Employers study, 80 percent of college graduates who were looking for jobs couldn’t find one. The Economic Policy Institute recently announced that the class of 2010 faces the worse job market in a generation, with the Bureau of Labor Statistics putting unemployment among 19- to 24-year-olds over 15 percent. Even more disturbing is the recent study by the Pew Research Center indicating that nearly 40 percent of all 18- to 29-year-olds have either been unemployed or underemployed at some point since December 2007.

If you did hear from a potential employer, there’s a fairly good chance you were denied a position because you were either underqualified for the jobs you wanted or overqualified for the jobs you applied for “just to make ends meet.” It didn’t matter if you had a degree in electrical engineering—you’d be lucky to get an executive assistant gig at a corporate event planning company, if you got a job at all.

But there is a silver lining. You’re now a card-carrying member of the Boomerang Club: The first generation in history to attend college only to move back in with dear old mom and dad afterward because you’re broke, unemployed, and in debt up to your eyeballs.

Hooray for living the dream!

I’m sure this is exactly how you envisioned your postcollegiate life.

WELCOME TO YOUR “REAL” JOB, MR. JANITOR

Maybe you were “fortunate” and did manage to land a job after college. However, chances are that whatever you’re currently doing was not your first choice. It’s probably not even your 10th or 20th choice. Heck, it’s probably not even your 100th choice. Instead of being hired as the vice president of fashion design at Ralph Lauren, you most likely accepted a receptionist gig at Joey Fatayat’s Mortuary where the motto “You Kill ’Em, We Chill ’Em” is proudly displayed on a neon sign in the parking lot. (I’m sure they have a wonderful health insurance plan.)

And if, by some miracle, you were lucky enough to get a job in your chosen field, then you’re most likely grinding it out as an underappreciated, underpaid, underemployed, bottom-of-the-food-chain receptionist-barista-gopher, who often gets mistaken for the company intern.

What happened to the dream job that was dangled in front of you like a carrot on a stick for your entire life?

You departed college with the notion that you were regularly going to make life and death decisions and close billion dollar deals over dinner meetings. So how is it, exactly, that you ended up sitting in a cubicle typing up your supervisor’s meeting agenda, staring at a slow ticking wall clock, and wondering where it all went wrong? Where was your standing ovation for handing in your work early? Or the certificate for being on time every morning? How about the corner office with a view or the “important” responsibilities?

Where is your “A” for effort?