Persuasion E-Book

Dave Lakhani

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 325

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Beschreibung

Praise for persuasion the art of getting what you want "Dave has exposed the secrets of the most powerful persuaders inthe world. This book is a step-by-step guide to changing minds anddeeply influencing people in person, in print, on the air, oranyplace else you need to persuade. This book makes persuasion soeasy and predictable that it may be the most dangerous persuasionbook ever written . . . especially if it ends up in the hands ofyour competition." --Mike Litman, CEO, Connect To Success, Inc. and coauthor ofConversations with Millionaires "Dave Lakhani tells you everything you've just got to know aboutpersuasion in this book. It is written provocatively, yet clearly.And it is sure to open your mind while enriching your bank account.I highly recommend it. Fasten your seatbelt when you read it. Ittakes you on a thrilling ride!" --Jay Conrad Levinson, "The Father of Guerrilla Marketing" andauthor of the Guerrilla Marketing series of books "Dave Lakhani understands persuasion like few do and is able tobreak the process down so anyone can understand and use it. Ihighly recommend this book to anyone who hopes to improve theirability to sell, market, advertise, or negotiate." --Chet Holmes, Fortune 500 superstrategist and author of theMega Marketing, Business Growth Masters, andGuerrilla Marketing Meets Karate Master sales programs "Man, talk about persuasive. Dave convinced me to read andreview his book, and I don't even like the guy." --Blaine Parker, author of Million-Dollar MortgageRadio "Too few books actually put into practice what they promote.Dave Lakhani breaks the mold with this satisfying, powerfulread." --John Klymshyn, author of Move the Sale Forward

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Foreword

PREFACE

Acknowledgments

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Chapter 1 - MANIPULATION

Chapter 2 - PERSUASION

Chapter 3 - PERSONA—THE INVISIBLE PERSUADER

APPEARANCE

VOICE AND COMMUNICATION SKILLS

POSITIONING

Chapter 4 - TRANSFERRING POWER AND CREDIBILITY

TRANSFER OF POWER AND CREDIBILITY

Chapter 5 - STORYTELLING

HOW TO TELL A PERSUASIVE STORY

WRITING PERSUASIVELY MEANS WRITING DOWN GOOD STORIES

TELLING YOUR STORY TO THE MEDIA

PRACTICE YOUR STORYTELLING

Chapter 6 - GURUDOM

HOW TO BECOME A RECOGNIZED EXPERT IN THIRTY DAYS

Chapter 7 - DESIRE TO BELIEVE

SEVEN-STEP BELIEF CREATION AND CHANGE PROCESS

Chapter 8 - FAMILIARITY

FAMILIARITY IN ACTION

Chapter 9 - EXCLUSIVITY AND AVAILABILITY

EXCLUSIVITY

AVAILABILITY

Chapter 10 - CURIOSITY

Chapter 11 - RELEVANCY

Chapter 12 - PERMISSION GRANTING

THE IMPORTANCE OF PERMISSION GRANTING

Chapter 13 - THE QUICK PERSUADERS

SOCIAL MATCHING

CONCURRENCE

EMPATHY

INCONSEQUENCE

LIKEABILITY

GIVING TO RECEIVE

ACCOUNTABILITY

Chapter 14 - THE PERSUASION EQUATION

THREE STEPS TO EFFECTIVE PERSUASION

Chapter 15 - PERSUASIVE SELLING

WHAT YOUR CLIENTS WANT

Chapter 16 - PERSUASIVE ADVERTISING

HOW TO CREATE PROFITABLE AND PERSUASIVE ADS

CREATE ADS THAT INTERRUPT AND TELL A PERSUASIVE STORY

MEASURE YOUR AD′S EFFECTIVENESS

Chapter 17 - PERSUASIVE NEGOTIATING

Chapter 18 - PERSUADING THE MASSES ELECTRONICALLY

HOW TO PERSUADE THE MASSES FOR THE COST OF A PHONE CALL

HAVE YOUR OWN RADIO SHOW

Chapter 19 - MASTERING PERSUASION—THE ART OF GETTING WHAT YOU WANT

SIX TENETS OF PERSUASION

IMMEDIATE NEXT STEPS TO PERSUASION MASTERY

PERSUASION RESOURCES

RECOMMENDED READINGS

INDEX

Copyright © 2005 by Dave Lakhani. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, [phone], fax [phone], or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, [phone], fax [phone], or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. The publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services, and you should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Lakhani, Dave, 1965-

Persuasion : the art of getting what you want / Dave Lakhani.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13 978-0-471-73044-6 (hardcover)

ISBN-10 0-471-73044-0 (hardcover)

1. Persuasion (Psychology) I. Title.

BF637.P4L32 2005

303.3’42—dc22

2005005163

This book is dedicated with love to the four most important women in my life:

My grandmother—Edith Ramsey McManus My mother—Joanna Lakhani-Willard My wife—Stephanie Lakhani My daughter—Austria Raine Lakhani

Also to my brothers: Bill Willard Jr. Mike Willard

And my closest friends: Thomas “Ted” Goodier Bill Braseth Rodney Schlienz Steve Watts Ronald “John” Stukey

FOREWORD

Everyone wants it their way.

You have been trying to persuade people since you were a baby. Crying, smiling, banging your hands on the table. Primitive, to be sure—but effective.

Remember the aisle of the grocery store with your mom? Begging for that candy bar? That was persuasion.

Remember high school dating? That was persuasion.

But it seems that after you got your business cards printed, some of the tenacity associated with your persuasion skills has been missing.

Fear not. This book has the persuasion answers you’re looking for, whether it’s sales, service, internal communications, friends, or family.

Getting others to see your perspective, agree with your ideas, do what you want them to do, or just simply agree with you is a skill and a science. And in this book you will learn that skill.

Persuasion is not just a selling skill. Persuasion is a life skill.

Throughout this book you will gently be prodded to change your ways of thinking and interacting with others with regard to everything from what you wear to what your body says. You’ll be asked to do things, take actions. And you will do them. What better way to learn persuasion than to see yourself being persuaded, taking action as a result of it, and loving it?

The key to persuasion is to let the other person feel great after he or she has decided to see it or do it your way. In order to accomplish this, there has to be an understanding of how to best persuade.

The easiest persuasion answer is given inside this book: Get others to persuade themselves. This is done by asking questions.

Persuasion is an outcome. The secret of persuasion’s happy outcome is two words: manipulation free. Manipulated persuasion is short lived. True persuasion exists when it lasts beyond the moment.

Persuasion is an art.

Persuasion is a science.

Persuasion is compromise.

Persuasion is excellent communication skills.

Persuasion is asking questions that clarify the situation.

Persuasion is getting the other guy to convince himself.

Persuasion is reading this book—and putting the principles into action.

Persuasion is an outcome.

Persuasion is a victory.

“I did it my way!” is not the way that song should have ended. If Frank or Elvis were masters of persuasion, they would have sung:

“I did it my way, and everyone agreed with me!”

Why not learn more ways of getting others to see it your way?

If you agree with me so far, just turn to the next page. . . .

Jeffrey Gitomer

PREFACE

Leave me penniless and naked in any town in America and by the end of the day I’ll have clothes, food, lodging, a way of earning an income, a following, and enough money in my pocket to start again. Why? Because I know exactly how to persuade people to do what I need them to do for both of us to achieve our goals.

—Dave Lakhani

Virtually every element of human interaction involves some level of persuasion, but particularly sales, negotiation, copywriting, advertising, and media relations. Many scholars, philosophers, and scientists have explored the process, yet few get it right consistently. They dismiss the fundamental survival requirement of persuasion. They’ve analyzed it as a process that can be used if necessary, but don’t understand that persuasion isn’t a tool we use optionally; it is one we are required to use in order to survive. The essence of life itself is persuasion, how well we persuade ourselves, how well we persuade those around us, and how we are ourselves persuaded by those who persuade us.

This book began with my first study of the persuasion process more than 24 years ago and has continued to develop since then. Throughout the book I demonstrate how persuasion works in person, in the media, in advertising, and in sales. I also demonstrate specific steps you can use to develop your persuasiveness, charisma, and ability to influence others in order to get what you want. I show you how to incorporate the process into your everyday life so that you are able to influence and persuade effectively and unconsciously. It will become as natural as speaking or walking.

This book is different than any book you’ve read about persuasion, sales, or negotiation. The differences are profound in several ways. First, it is not my intention to scientifically break down exactly why people make the decisions they do and the psychological methodologies for creating change in people. What I do is demonstrate, in the first section, the difference between persuasion and manipulation. The second portion of the book focuses on the key areas and elements involved in rapid persuasion.

My only real interest (and I believe yours, as well) is to persuade . . . fast. Therefore, I believe the best way to do that is to give you an overview of the elements and a description of why it is important to you and then dig right into how to make it work for you. I’m not going to bother you with a lot of arcane references, only those most appropriate to your success.

Finally, in the third section of the book I demonstrate the Persuasion Equation™, which ties it all together and gives you a practical format for quickly persuading anyone. This portion of the book has been described as dangerous and genius alike by those who have attended my seminars and speaking engagements. Quite simply, the Persuasion Equation demonstrates how to apply every technique you learn in the second section of the book in order to move people to your position or to take the action you want them to take. People think it is genius because of the simplicity of the program and dangerous because it is also the very same process you use to manipulate another person. Your intention will ultimately determine whether you’ve persuaded or manipulated, and if you decided to manipulate someone, whether it was appropriate. Ultimately only you can make that judgment call.

Interestingly, whether you are persuading as a profession or just need to get a date with the perfect man or woman, the processes that I teach you will work perfectly. I have broken down a few areas that I think you’ll find very valuable. For example, I have included sections on writing, negotiation, advertising, and selling. Those sections will help you understand how to use the process in very specific professional persuasion situations and to improve your ability in each.

I began studying persuasion for a rather unusual reason. I was raised by a brilliant single mother who wanted the very best for my brothers and me. Mom was literate, creative, well spoken, motivated, and focused on a better life for all of us . . . so she decided to raise us in a religious cult.

Before I explain why that led to my study of persuasion, let me tell you a bit about this unique cult because it really was the impetus for my very thorough study of persuasion, manipulation, and influence.

When I say “religious cult,” I’m not talking about a mainstream fundamental Christian church, quite the opposite in fact. Although there was a fundamental belief in God as Savior, that is where the similarity to traditional religion ended. They believed that women had very little value in society beyond giving birth and caring for their children, their home, and their husbands. Education was strongly discouraged, boys were to be out of school by the eighth grade at the latest, and many young women were out of school by the sixth or seventh grade and “home schooled” through the years required by the state. There was also no television, no radio, no dancing, no dating outside the church, and no divorce was allowed. Women could not cut their hair, wear makeup, or wear any garment that pertained to a man (pants in particular), and men were required to keep very short haircuts, be clean-shaven, and be the primary breadwinner for the family.

Church services were very strict, too: Tuesdays, Thursdays, twice on Sunday, and often a Friday-night prayer meeting. Services were the fire and brimstone kind and they often lasted longer than three hours. There was no talking, moving, or fiddling around in church, either. The deacons enforced that and any young children who dared disobey (or even to be bored out of their minds enough to fidget) were immediately taken to the back of the church and punished if their parents didn’t do it in a timely manner. When it was time for punishment, there was no sparing the rod or spoiling the child.

One of my younger brothers suffered terribly during those years. He had what would now likely be diagnosed as attention deficit disorder and what has since tested as a very high IQ. The leaders of the church diagnosed him as “having the Devil in him,” and prescribed regular beatings to get the Devil out of him. I often marveled at the power of the Devil in my brother, because no amount of beating or other physical punishment could dislodge it. (In truth, I hold both my brothers in highest regard and awe for their ability to endure and survive what surely would have ruined if not killed others, and for coming out of it well adjusted and successful.) Beating a child so severely and regularly that he often could barely walk would dislodge most devils.

You see, it was important to get the Devil out because the “Bible Believers,” as the followers of the end-time prophet William Branham were called, knew that there was going to be a very literal rapture in the very near future and only those who were “Bible Believers” like them would be taken up in the rapture and given access to God’s kingdom. Everyone else would suffer in tribulation on the earth until the resurrection when the dead would rise and then everything in the book of Revelation would occur literally and the largest majority of those left would be hastened to the lake of fire.

Sounds almost surreal, doesn’t it? Even my condensed version of the story demonstrates obvious problems in logic. But what amazed me most, as I grew older, was the number of people that accepted this story I’ve just told you without question. Many of those people were well educated, and from well-adjusted homes, though not all. Day after day, year after year, those very same people willingly gave up much of what they earned to support a minister (to whom many of the rules didn’t apply), and a church, all while spreading the good word and attracting even more people to the church and drawing them in systematically until they, too, were completely hooked.

I was involved in the church from the time I was 7 years old until I was 16 when I finally made a decision on my own that I’d have to leave the church if I intended to complete my education and if I wanted to stop bringing additional problems home to my family. In order to leave the church, I’d also have to leave home. So, shortly after my sixteenth birthday I made my intentions known to my mother and to the church and was summarily excommunicated with a prayer to God that He would turn my soul over to Satan for the destruction of my flesh that I might see the error of my ways, repent, and return to church (I have to laughingly admit, a few times through my life I’ve wondered if their prayer was working).

The very next day I moved away from home and retreated to the one place where I’d always found solace and a never-ending source of food for my question-filled brain . . . the library. At the library I began studying what exactly drew people to cults, specifically, how someone as bright and creative and wonderful as my mom could be convinced that everything she knew and held true was wrong and everything these new people said was right, and how I could persuade her that there was a better, smarter, and healthier way for all of us to live.

The story I have shared with you is a story not of persuasion, but rather one of manipulation. This is not a book about cults, although I discuss how to create a cult-like customer following. It is not about the negative sort of manipulation that does not create a lasting relationship, although I teach you precisely how to manipulate so you can understand how it occurs and defend yourself from it and ensure you are not guilty of it. In the beginning of the book I discuss manipulation, how it happens, and why it works . . . for a while. You’ll see that many facets of effective persuasion are inherent in manipulation, but it is the subtle differences and outcomes that set the two clearly apart. Ultimately, manipulation always fails, but true persuasion lasts.

This is a book about persuasion and the art of using persuasion to get exactly what you want. In getting what you want, you’ll also position yourself as an expert in helping others get what they want and that is the highest form of persuasion. What I found out over those ensuing years I share with you here because the strategy and tactics I learned for changing minds, for creating winning situations for all, for getting what I wanted will allow you to quickly and easily get everything you’ve ever wanted out of life.

The strategies I am about to share with you are not the strategies of the manipulative cultist, but the specific ethical patterns, processes, and tactics you can use to get more of what you want out of this life. By simply understanding the elements of persuasion that must be present for you to succeed, you succeed more often. True persuasion is based in truth, honesty, inquisitiveness, and the ability to tell a good story and to elicit the persuasion criteria of those you hope to persuade so you can meet their expectations easily. I also show you how manipulation happens and why manipulation is always bad and never works long term, and how to use the positive and very powerful tools of persuasion that instantly change minds and compel people to action to get exactly what you want out of life, just as I have.

By learning how to ethically persuade I have achieved every major goal I have ever set for myself by being able to quickly and efficiently persuade not only others but also myself. Along the way, I have helped many people whom I have persuaded reach one of their goals, too. I have consistently achieved an income that puts me in the top 3 to 5 percent of income earners in the United States. I have been able to get the best jobs, access to the best minds, and access to the very best people (like you) to learn with and support my efforts. I have done more in my 40-plus years than most people will do in a lifetime and, like you, I have so much more to do before it is over.

My mom did finally see the many thinking errors of the church and eventually left about three years after I left home, but the pull was so strong and the influence so high that on her deathbed she questioned whether she had made a big mistake by leaving the church.

After Mom’s death in 1999, I began to ponder deeply what caused her to continue to question her decision even after she saw the error of the beliefs that kept her connected to the church for so long. The longer I thought about the issue the more I began to think about it in the context of business as well.

And that thought made me ask this question: “Shouldn’t your customers wonder if they leave you if they just made the biggest mistake of their lives?” Throughout the pages of this book I demonstrate how you can create a cult-like following of customers who, even if they leave, will always wonder if they made the right decision. That concern, combined with your ethical ability to serve them better, will draw them back—or will keep most of them from ever leaving in the first place. Belief perseverance is a powerful concept we’ll explore in much more detail later.

If you have ever dreamed that there is more to life than what you are getting right now, if you have ever wanted a raise, a better job, more sales, better deals, better “things,” the perfect partner, or a better life, I am going to show you what insiders, the “born salespeople,” and the true persuaders know. I am going to show you how to get exactly what you want whenever you want it. I also show you how to avoid the mistakes I made along the way to shorten your learning curve.

If you will allow me, over the next few pages I will personally teach you, groom you, coach you, and lead you through a new skill your parents didn’t know they should teach you, isn’t taught in any school, and often isn’t discussed in polite company, but one that will serve you well for the rest of your life. I will demonstrate how you can master Persuasion—The Art of Getting What You Want.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

It is impossible to write a book without a great deal of help from very willing and understanding people. This book is certainly no exception to this rule and I’d like to thank a few of those people here. If I missed you it wasn’t intentional, and I do thank you.

My highest thanks go to several people but especially to Joe Vitale, an interesting man and an amazing author, for all he did to help this book come to life, and to Matt Holt, my editor at Wiley, who was so easy to work with and who helped me navigate this process so willingly. To Robert Greene, author of two of the most important books on persuasion ever written, The 48 Laws of Power (Penguin Putnam, 2001) and The Art of Seduction (Penguin Books, 2003), a very special thanks for spending several hours with me as he was in the midst of finishing his next book. I’d also like to thank Angela Dailey, psychologist and friend, for her valuable contribution, and to thank all of the other contributors who I interviewed to make this book great. Kathy McIntosh, thanks for helping me edit. Your contributions were invaluable.

To all of my clients and students, thanks for asking such great questions; you make thinking fun! Thanks to Steve Watts (an amazing persuader) for being a great friend and for helping me prove or disprove a lot of the ideas that you’ll find in this book, and to all the great salespeople I’ve had a chance to work with, especially Todd Carlson, John Miller, Ryan Valentine, Nattalie Hoch, and Angela Karp. To all of the Below The Radar Wizards, thanks for all the encouragement. Thanks go to Jana Kemp, who listens as fast as I think and talk. Caitlin Stellflug, thanks for keeping the office running while I was writing.

My most important thanks go to everyone I’ve ever persuaded in any way. Thanks for the experience and the feedback. You truly made this book possible.

There are a number of people who have been ever supportive of all I’ve done in a very full and ever-changing life; their encouragement was invaluable during this process as well. Rod and Casey Schlienz, Bill and Sandra Braseth, Ted and Sherri Goodier, thanks for always being there. To Dr. John Stukey, who is, as I write this, serving our country honorably in Iraq, and whose support I’ve never had to think about because it was always there, thank you. Of course no acknowledgment would be complete without acknowledging the contribution of the Nurnberg DST team, “The Regan Years,” and The Four Horsemen. Those ideals that we began building way back then will be very evident here.

In the Preface I describe a time in my life that was very confusing but led to over 20 years of research that have gone into this book. During that time, there were four people who I respected and trusted and who always helped me learn and see what was possible, and who supported me even when they disagreed. For that Shawn and Linda Lee, Kevin Lee, and Richard Dailey, thank you.

Finally, to my wife and daughter, who thought I’d gotten lost or trapped in my office, thanks for the snacks and the laughs, but most of all the understanding. You make all I do worthwhile. I love you.

Dave Lakhani

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dave Lakhani is the world’s first Business Acceleration Strategist™ and President of Bold Approach, Inc., a Business Acceleration Strategy firm helping companies worldwide immediately increase their revenue through effective sales, marketing, and public relations.

Dave is considered one of the world’s top experts on the application of persuasion and his talks are in high demand and heard by corporations and trade organizations of all sizes worldwide. His advice is regularly seen in Selling Power magazine, Sales and Marketing Management, the Wall Street Journal, Investors Business Daily, INC., Entrepreneur, The Today Show, and hundreds of other media outlets. Dave is also the host of Making Marketing Work, a radio talk show focused on marketing strategy for growing businesses. Dave also authored A Fighting Chance (Prince Publishing, 1991), a section of the anthology Ready, Aim, Hire (Persysco, 1992), and the audio book Making Marketing Work (BA Books, 2004).

Dave has owned more than 10 successful businesses in the last 20 years and considers himself a serial entrepreneur and committed business builder. An avid student and lifelong learner, Dave has studied every major sales, marketing, or influence professional in the past 20 years. He’s a master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) who has studied with NLP’s founder Richard Bandler and a graduate and former adjunct faculty of The Wizard of Ads Academy. You can book Dave for speaking engagements by calling [phone].

Dave lives in Boise, Idaho, with his wife Stephanie and his daughter Austria. When not on the road with clients or speaking, Dave enjoys scuba diving, skiing, martial arts, reading, and great wine. Visit Dave online at www.howtopersuade.com.

Dave Lakhani is available for speakingengagements and corporate training seminars.To schedule Dave call 208-863-8298.

1

MANIPULATION

Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think moreabout the other person than about his or her reactions to you.When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to bevulnerable.

—Dr. Joyce Brothers

In the Preface of this book I briefly described the religious cult I grew up in and how it was my impetus to study persuasion. When I began to study, the first realization I had was that while there were many similarities between manipulation and persuasion, the more I studied, the more I realized that manipulation is actually one path to persuasion, but only a temporary persuasion, not a lasting agreement.

The American Heritage Dictionary definition of manipulation, “Shrewd or devious management, especially for one’s own advantage,” is most fitting when discussing the difference between persuasion and manipulation. In manipulation the only person who benefits long term is the manipulator. Now look at the definition of the word persuade: “To induce to undertake a course of action or embrace a point of view by means of argument, reasoning, or entreaty.” By persuading, there is the opportunity for two people to come together on an opinion that is mutually beneficial.

Manipulation is inwardly focused on the person who is manipulating. The manipulator is focused on achieving personal outcomes and goals with no concern for the outcome of or impact on the person being manipulated. Deception or covering up logical, factual evidence is also inherent in most manipulation, as demonstration or presentation of the facts would typically allow a rational person to come to a logical decision unfavorable to the manipulator.

Manipulation also strives to set up an artificial series of conditions or rules that govern the encounter so the manipulation can continue. There are typically penalties for challenging manipulators that can range from more deception to physical and emotional abuse to “shrewdly manage you for their own advantage.” In discussing manipulation with noted psychologist Angela Dailey, she said, “Manipulation whether positive or negative is most clearly defined by the intent of the person who manipulates. If I tell a child who brings a bag of cookies from the cupboard just before bedtime and who intends to eat them all, that they can have one cookie or no cookies at all and they choose to have one cookie, I’ve created an illusion of choice but within the bounds of what I consider acceptable to me. I’ve manipulated the behavior, but for the good of the child who needs to get a full night of sleep.”

In fact, discussion of manipulation with any psychology professional nearly always leads to the conclusion that the only real differentiator between manipulation and persuasion is intent. Robert Greene, author of The 48 Laws of Power (Penguin Putnam, 2001), was much clearer in his definition of manipulation. He said, “All attempts to influence are manipulation.”

Nearly everyone has had an experience with being manipulated at one time or another. For many a common experience is that of buying a used car. While I certainly do not lump all used-car salespeople into the same category, it is an experience most of us have shared at one point in our life. So let’s look at the setup that allows us to be manipulated.

Over Sunday brunch you and your spouse decide it is time to buy a new car. You want something newer than you have, but you don’t want to spend the money for a brand-new model year car, so as you eat, you hear those magic words on the television from an overweight, mutton-chopped used-car salesman, “Come on down Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, to the Car Corral where prices are being slashed to the bone because we have inventory we must move. Our loss is your gain, but you must come down today!” You are a smart person; you look at your spouse, smile, and say, “Can’t hurt to go down and look since they are having a sale; besides, there is no way that guy will get me to buy something I don’t want.” And so the first condition for manipulation (and persuasion) is met and that condition is: the search for a solution.

The search for a solution is very important to the manipulator and the persuader because searchers have lowered their defenses somewhat; they’ve indicated that they want something they don’t have and they need specific knowledge, products, or services that you do have. The person being manipulated has an open mind to the possibility of what might be. By lowering their defenses and by opening themselves up to the idea that information exists they are not privy to, but need in order to achieve their goals, searchers willingly allow others to challenge their beliefs and to educate them in new possibilities. They’ve also set themselves up to be susceptible to the second condition: time sensitivity.

Time sensitivity is very important because we all have a very acute sense of time. Things must happen quickly, decisions must be made rapidly, and everyone knows that the early bird gets the worm. Manipulators and, again, persuaders know that reinforcing time sensitivity while increasing time pressure pushes people closer to impulsive decisions. It also sets the groundwork for the third condition for manipulation to work: potential for loss.

So, you walk onto the car lot thinking you are in charge, when in reality you are positioning yourself to be led. You meet your car salesman, and in the initial conversation with you, the car salesman demonstrates a very deep knowledge of cars. He is concerned that he understand what your real needs are so that he can demonstrate the most appropriate choices for you, since there is no way you can know everything there is to know about every car, but he can; after all, that is his job. The fourth condition is met: encounter with a benevolent authority.

While all four conditions are ideal for manipulation or persuasion, it is the intent of the person who is doing the manipulating or persuading that will determine what happens to you and ultimately to them and the business. There is one more condition that must be met and it is critical to success. We’ll discuss that condition shortly.

In your bad experience with buying a used car, all four conditions aligned and you were not even consciously aware how susceptible you were to what would come next. As you shopped, you were likely told about a number of different options, but only one that was right for you. You were assured that no matter what your concern, there was a reasonable explanation as to why it was truly not a concern. Reassurances were given and backed up with technical-sounding information and demonstrations that were plausible; so you decided to buy.

This isn’t the first time around the car-buying block, so when the time comes you hit them with your offer. The salesman sweats and says there is no way he can sell the car to you for what you offered, so he goes to see what he can do and talks it over with his manager. He comes back with another offer, this one lower than the sticker price but still above yours. He also lets you know at this point that one of the other salesmen has a customer who has already made an offer higher than yours, but has not signed the contract yet. You feel a little nervous and wonder if this is a sales trick. If it is, you will pay too much; if it isn’t, you will lose the car, which is rapidly becoming the perfect car. This process repeats several times until finally the salesman comes back with a number higher than you want to pay, but he has some additional things he will “throw in” for you, some new tires and a CD player. It is the best he can do but you have to act now. If you walk off the lot, either the other buyer gets your car or you lose all the incentives to buy now. You are smart, though, so you decide to wait. You want to think it over for a couple of hours, so you get them to commit to the price and options if you call back by close of business, which they do unless the other buyer comes back in; then there is just nothing they can do.

Now it is late afternoon, the sun is about to sink behind the clouds for the day, and you decide you do want the car. The final condition for manipulation is met—you’ve fully committed. By committing mentally and emotionally, you have set yourself up for great loss, but you must have the car. The smart persuader and shrewd manipulator already got you to make some small commitments along the way and those are the ideas that push you over the edge. Sure there are a few nagging doubts, but it is a good deal and you bargained hard.

You call back and tell them you want the car and much to your dismay it is gone; the other salesman got his customer who was already willing to pay more to buy your car. You are dejected, you feel down; that was your car, you wanted it; if only you hadn’t waited; now you have to start the process again knowing you may have let the very best deal slip through your fingers. You ask about other cars and the salesman is very willing to help if you want to come back in tomorrow. So you do.

When you arrive at the lot the next morning you are met by the salesman, who has incredible news: Financing fell through for the people who were going to buy your car and you can get it if you buy it now before they have time to qualify with another higher-risk lender. You are hooked and you buy the car as is immediately; you don’t want to lose this car again; that was just too close.

You drive the car off the lot, and the next morning you wonder if you made a good decision; but it is a good-looking car, even the neighbor said so. A few days later you begin to notice a lot of little things you couldn’t have noticed in a 10-minute test drive. As you begin to make mental notes of what is happening, you start trying to get in touch with the salesman. Your calls go unreturned. You drive it down to the lot and are summarily told that all sales are final but that they will be happy to have their service person look it over. They look it over and you find out that you will have to spend several hundred dollars to get the car fixed. Now you don’t have a choice. If you want the car to work right you have to fix it; if you don’t you face even bigger, more expensive problems later. And so begins your wonderful new car purchase. You feel cheated, suckered, and wonder how you got sucked in.

The good news is that it is not just you who is susceptible to the manipulator; we all are. The easy story, charismatic manner, and the setup are all but irresistible to most people. But that doesn’t make you feel any better, does it? In fact, most people who are manipulated report feeling angry, hopeless, and not in control. The manipulator, on the other hand, had all needs met.