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KD Williamson

• Herausgeber: Ylva Publishing
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 235

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2017

Beschreibung

A lesbian fiction that takes a smoldering look at the things we hide from ourselves. Fresh out of a relationship, Shawnna Green is heartbroken, lost, and almost penniless. She decides to start over in New Orleans to find a new sense of self, despite her ex hampering her progress. With the help of her best friend, Veda, she finds employment at Stumpy's Sex Emporium where she deals with customers that range from the strange to the hilarious. At the same time, Shawnna discovers that women, sex, and dating, are not what they used to be, but neither is she. In finding herself, she uncovers a part she didn't know existed, and that's not always a good thing. Can Shawnna pick herself up, reach out, and connect with the people around her?

Leseprobe

Table Of Contents

Other books by KD Williamson

Dedication

Acknowledgement

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Epilogue

About KD Williamson

Other Books from Ylva Publishing

Coming from Ylva Publishing

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www.ylva-publishing.com

Other books by KD Williamson

Cops and Docs Series:

Blurred Lines

Crossing Lines

Between the Lines

Dedication

To my wife Michelle, I’d have nothing if I didn’t have you.

Acknowledgement

Thanks: to Maria for pissing me off and firing me up when I needed to be, so I could find my way through yet another set of characters; to Jove Belle for never mincing words; to my mother, who should probably never read any of my books—just keep them on the shelf.

Chapter 1

The sun reflected off the window, obscuring the view of the shop inside. Still, Shawn was hyperaware of the products on display. She shuffled her feet and coughed but didn’t move toward the door. In the window, she caught the reflection of Veda’s easy smile, as if she frequented sex-toy stores all the time. Well, Veda did used to work there, but did she have to look so damned comfortable?

Stepping back, Shawn took a good, long look at the building. Unlike all the other businesses on Canal Street, this one was a little more hidden away. It was tucked between two other structures and farther back from the sidewalk. There was a shabby neon sign on top. One S was dim, leaving “tumpy’s” illuminated. “Why is the building pink?”

Veda snorted. “Because it’s New Orleans and nothing normal happens here. You’ve only been here two weeks. Just wait. You’ll see. It took me a month to figure it out.”

Shawn rolled her eyes and sighed. She took a minute to try to shake the tension out of her arms, but it didn’t help. If somebody bumped into her right now, she’d shatter from all the built-up pressure in her muscles. “I don’t know if I can do this. I mean, I’m not shy, but I don’t think I can scan and bag porn with a smile on my face.”

Veda threw a hand up. Her expression was pinched and aggravated, but her blue eyes were soft and worried. “That’s, like, the sixth time you’ve said something like that in the past hour. Gotta be some kind of record.”

“Compared to what?”

Veda shrugged and wiped at the sweat that was dotting her chest and forehead. The lacy green tank top didn’t look like it was helping her at all against this weather. The heat was oppressive, and the sun was a wicked master. It kept on shining like it didn’t give a damn. Then, there was the humidity. It left Shawn sticky and wet. And not in a good way.

“I should’ve done the ponytail thing too. I’m gonna be able to wring my dreadlocks out by the time we get back to Metairie.”

Veda arched a brow. “With all that hair, it wouldn’t have helped.”

Shawn lifted her hair off the back of her neck to improve airflow. To add to the misery, there was the ever-persistent joy of a farmer’s tan. Shawn’s arms, legs, and face were already two shades darker than her usual golden brown. Unfortunately, black people got sunburned too. It was a good thing she remembered to put on sunscreen or she’d be in even more trouble with this weather.

A small group of people walked around them and into the shop. Behind them, the chatter from the crowded sidewalk mingled with the clank of streetcars and honking car horns. Shawn loved the sounds of downtown New Orleans. The tangy smell of garbage and vomit, not so much. While New Orleans had its charm, Metairie was more her speed. Their townhouse and the surrounding area was cleaner, quieter, and, she hoped, safer.

“I know this isn’t where you expected to be in life, but keep telling yourself that it’s temporary. It’s easier to find a job when you already have one, even if it’s shitty. On the bright side, it’s an easy job. You don’t have to go all Vanna White with the merchandise. Just take their money. Most of them get tokens to go in the back anyway.”

“Eww, that’s…” Shawn refused to get caught up in the particulars. “It is just temporary, isn’t it?”

Veda nodded. “It is, but don’t put it on your resume.”

The little speech should have emboldened Shawn, but it didn’t. All she could think about was how she’d arrived at this moment. Like a well-deflated balloon, she sank in on herself. She was in a new city, with a new job, and a new life, which was a lot to wrap her head around. Despite having Veda, it was going to take a while to get settled, and a couple weeks wasn’t nearly long enough. “She’s gonna hire me right? There’s no reason not to, especially with your recommendation.”

Veda’s eyebrows shot up on her forehead. “You used to be confident…hell, even cocky, and now you’re like mashed potatoes.”

That stung, but it was the truth. “Ugh, thank you so much, I feel like I can take on the world now.”

“You know what I mean. I’m not saying that to be an ass. You need some—”

“Truth. Yeah, I know.” Shawn needed to get away from this subject, otherwise she was going to be a mess for the interview. Nowadays, she was way more emotional than she used to be. “Are the floors sticky? I bet they are.”

“They are, but you’ll be mopping them to keep the stick factor down. Don’t look too closely at anything you find there.”

Shawn stared at her. “You know you just said that out loud, right?”

“Uh-huh. Look, I’m cooking out here and, while I appreciate porn and crotchless panties, I’m tired of standing and staring. We still have a few minutes, but let’s go in. There’s AC.”

Shawn nodded. “Okay, you sure they don’t have anything at Taco Bell?”

“Like I told you, they only pay seven twenty-five an hour so…no. Not for you. Now, if you could be a shift manager like me, that’d be a different story. You’d actually get a salary, but you don’t have the experience.” Veda pulled the door open. It creaked loudly.

“Fine, but let it be known, I don’t like you right now.”

Veda glanced over her shoulder. Her gaze went from Shawn’s head to her feet and back again. She didn’t look impressed. “Like I care.”

The door closed behind them. Shawn pressed her lips together and stared at her surroundings. She was no prude by any means, but damn. Damn. There was a huge selection of vibrators and dildos in various sizes and colors. Some shelves were lined with magazines and DVDs. A blow-up doll in a sex swing hung from the ceiling, swaying softly. Shawn expected the place to smell like Lysol, but instead there was a faint tinge of apples and cinnamon.

It was…interesting.

Toward the back, the hallway was separated from the main area by a subway-like turnstile. It was dark, but there were flashes of light every few seconds.

Veda elbowed her. “You’re staring and your mouth is open. Stop it. You’re gonna make me look bad.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just—”

“Fucking. That’s all. Ways to fuck and make it feel better. You do remember what fucking is, right?”

Shawn glared.

Veda smiled. “Still not liking me, I see.” She didn’t wait for Shawn to comment. She jerked her head toward the woman behind the well-protected cash register. “That’s Phyllis.”

The woman was hidden behind wood and glass. There were pieces strategically cut out of the window so Phyllis could talk, hear and exchange merchandise for money.

“Thank you. Enjoy and remember, no refunds.” Phyllis’s voice was high pitched and matched her appearance perfectly. She was tiny and innocent looking. Behind her glasses, her eyes widened when she saw them. Phyllis waved and gave them a toothy smile.

“That’s Phyllis?”

“Uh-huh. You’re staring again.” Veda waved back.

“She looks like a librarian.”

“This is a library…kinda, but you have to pay for everything.”

Shawn met Veda’s gaze. “That glass is always half-full for you isn’t it?”

“Most of the time, yes. Here she comes. Don’t embarrass me.”

This time Shawn was aware of it when her mouth fell open. “You do see where we are, right?”

“You’re being ungrateful, and you’re way too far up on your high horse.” Veda’s smile dimmed considerably. She exhaled noisily. “Look.” Her tone went all gentle. “We’ve discussed this until we were both blue in the face. This situation is shitty and kinda uncomfortable. It’s not where you wanna be, but it’s your best option right now until something better comes along. So, take it or leave it, but no more complaining now that we’re here, please.”

She was right. “Yeah, sorry.” Shawn’s flash of shame quickly turned to anger aimed toward the Midwest, specifically at her ex, Courtney, who was responsible for her shitty predicament.

Veda wrapped her hand around Shawn’s arm. “Wherever you went, you need to come back.”

Shawn shook her head, pulling herself from a haze of feelings.

Three loud clicks sounded in quick succession before Phyllis opened the door to her little wooden fort. That seemed like a lot of locks, but Shawn didn’t dare point that out.

Veda dragged Shawn toward Phyllis.

“Hey, my baby!” Phyllis’s voice dripped with enthusiasm.

Pasting on a smile was almost easy for Shawn. Veda did the same, only hers was probably real. She held out her hand for Phyllis, but she knocked it away and pulled Veda into a hug instead. Veda released Shawn’s arm to return the embrace. “Heyyy!”

Veda was tall, thick and hippy. Phyllis had to turn her head to the side otherwise she would’ve ended up with a face full of boob. Looking away, Shawn pressed her lips together to keep from laughing.

Phyllis stepped back, but kept her arm around Veda as she held out her hand. “You must be Shawnna Green?”

“I am, but you can call me Shawn.” She returned Phyllis’s handshake.

“V called me at the right time. I haven’t even advertised the job yet. You got lucky.”

She was lucky, and appreciative. It was time to pull the stick out of her ass and swallow down the little pride she had left. Just because she had two college degrees didn’t mean she was too good for this. Hell, for anything. “I know. Thank you so much. Is there an application or something I need to fill out before we start the interview?”

“There is. We can go up in the office and get situated. I’ve only got a few questions, and since this one here can vouch for you…” Phyllis leaned into Veda. “Tomorrow I’ll start you on a trial basis at minimum wage. If you can hack it for two weeks, I’ll bump you up to ten.”

“That’s too sweet, Phyllis.” Veda’s eyes widened.

“Oh hush, least I can do. You helped me through a tough time.”

“All I did was listen.”

“Well that’s exactly what I needed, Ms. King, exactly,” Phyllis said.

Shawn watched the exchange, but she wasn’t surprised. Veda was incredible. She knew when to push, when to pull, and when to back the fuck away.

“Let’s get on with it, then. I got customers. I’ll wait on them while you do the application. Follow me.”

Shawn nodded and did as she was told. “No problem. Thanks again for this.”

Veda stayed behind. When Shawn glanced over her shoulder at her, Veda grinned, and she tried to concentrate on that instead of the huge display of porn mags behind her.

Shawn scooted toward the window. The metal was cool against her side. The bus had been late, but it showed up right before she melted. Veda sat down beside her.

“Well, that was easy.”

Shawn hummed in agreement. “I have a question, though.”

Veda grumbled. “Fine.”

“Is Phyllis the genius behind Stumpy’s? Or is she a figurehead like Ronald McDonald or something?” Shawn tried like hell to hide her grin, but she wasn’t all that successful.

Veda blinked. “You’re not allowed to speak again until we get home.”

Shawn kept on smiling and looked out the window. This was shaping up to be one of the better days she’d had since moving from Indianapolis. She needed something to go smoothly after the whole Courtney situation. It wasn’t easy starting a whole new life. As the bus ate up the miles, the scenery whizzed past Shawn until it was a moving blob of colors.

“Stop.”

Caught by surprise, Shawn jumped and turned quickly. “What?”

“You’re thinking about her.”

She wasn’t going to lie about it. “Yeah.”

Veda grabbed her hand and squeezed. “I know I’ve said this before, but I need you to understand that I’m not kidding. If I ever get ahold of that ex of yours, I’m gonna put my foot so far up her ass she’ll know my shoe size just by swallowing. I fucking hate what she’s done to you. I knew she didn’t have any common sense. The tiny forehead was a dead giveaway.”

Part of Shawn wanted to laugh, but the rest of her tried to pull away. Veda wouldn’t let her. “It’s not all on her. It takes two—”

“Do you need to talk to my foot too? I have on sandals right now so you’ll be able to taste the leather.”

Shawn clutched at Veda’s hand in return. “No, I…” She stopped herself from responding further because it wasn’t going to be pretty. Shawn didn’t want to seem any weaker than she already was.

“Something good just happened. Enjoy it, or try to. You should also look forward to all the tips you’ll probably get. Flash that smile and maybe a little cleavage too. Hell, some of the customers might even try to pay you to smack them around a little.”

It was very hard to stay somber around Veda. She had a way of sniffing it out like a bloodhound. So, for the moment, she let the morose thoughts go. Shawn stared at Veda.

“What? What did I say?”

“Do you wanna talk to my foot?” Shawn asked.

Veda laughed. “I’m serious. With those big brown doe eyes and those tits, you might make a killing.” Veda glanced down at Shawn’s breasts, making Shawn look as well. Her nipples hardened and pitched a little tent in the front of her T-shirt, as if they knew they were being discussed.

“Look at that. It’s like fingers pointing at you.”

Shawn crossed her arms over her chest. “Shut up!”

“Might wanna tape those things. Could put an eye out.” Veda’s pink lips curved into a wide smile.

Shawn laughed and pushed Veda away.

“Better?” Veda’s gaze was full of amusement and understanding.

“Better.”

Shawn got comfortable in her bed, laptop open and ready to go. Even though she’d already checked her email from her phone, she did it again on the computer. There was nothing to see. No responses to her resume, despite years of experience working with kids with mental health issues. Still, she had a job and should have felt at least a small sense of accomplishment, but she didn’t.

She opened a browser and checked her ever-dwindling bank account. Shawn had enough to pay rent and her part of the bills for at least two months, if she squinted. Her mood fell further into the toilet, but she didn’t want to be there. Set on clawing her way out of gloom, Shawn fired up Netflix and scanned her queue quickly, trying to avoid the movies and TV shows Courtney had added. Shawn couldn’t bring herself to delete them. Not yet. She settled on the BBC series Black Mirror. The lives of the people depicted were a damn sight worse than hers. The British really knew how to entertain. A horror movie or a good thriller was usually her thing, but she needed a break from that every once in a while.

“In for the night?”

Shawn looked up to see Veda standing in the doorway. She’d changed clothes and was now in a different frilly top and shorts. “I guess.”

“It’s barely four o’clock. You know that, right? Didn’t you promise me a few hours ago for the umpteenth time that you were gonna try to be a little more lively?”

“V.” Shawn sighed irritably. She knew what was coming.

“Don’t V me. I know that tone. You only use it when I’m getting on your nerves.” Veda stepped into the bedroom. “You’ve been hiding in this room since you got here.”

“I’m not hiding.”

Veda raised a brow and pursed her lips. “What would you like to call it then?”

Shawn didn’t feel like doing this. She didn’t have the energy. “Resting. I’m fucking tired. It feels like I’ve been wrung out.” She shook her head. “I’m probably not explaining it right.”

Veda sat on the bed. “You are. You’re not the only woman who got cheated on and dumped. I’m sure there’s some statistic that shows it happens every nine minutes or something.”

“I know what I went through is nothing new, but I’m me. This has never happened to me before, that I know of, and I’m dealing with it my way.” Shawn closed the computer and pushed it off her lap.

“I get that, but you picked up and moved to Louisiana for a reason. You need support and to be around somebody who actually understands you.”

“I know that too.” Shawn looked down at her hands.

“Good. Then listen to what I’m saying. Get your ass up. You’ve wallowed long enough. I know you still care about her, but you guys were over way before she started cheating on you. This isn’t you. You’re strong, confident, charming, and funny. You have to get that back, and it’s not gonna happen by staring at your computer.” Veda’s words had fire behind them, but her gaze was sincere.

“That’s the me you knew back at Indiana U. I’ve chang—”

“Bullshit. Even after I left, we were on the phone every other day. Don’t try to sell me that line of crap. I know you.”

Shawn swallowed. Veda was right about everything. Shawn didn’t even recognize herself. Instead of responding, she looked at her.

“Oh, honey.” Veda patted her on the leg.

“The thing that hurt the worst was that I wasn’t enough for her and then there were all the lies. It’s good that I don’t love her anymore.” Shawn clenched her hands. “I feel… I don’t know, but I still think about her a lot. It’s been over a month since I’ve seen or talked to her.”

Veda squeezed her knee. “That’s progress, then. I’m off tonight. We won’t do the tourist thing because it’s muggy as hell and you live here now. But, let’s get out and do something. We can celebrate your job, as pissy as it is. I’ll google the lesbian hot spots and—”

“I don’t think I’m ready for something like that.”

“Okay, let’s see where the men hang out, then. You probably won’t have to worry about anybody hitting on you every two minutes.”

Shawn snorted. Maybe she could have pulled that off back in college, but now? Veda was obviously smoking something.

“What? I’m serious. Have you seen you?”

“I know what I look like, thank you.”

“Well, I know I’ve joked about it a million times, but this is a million and one. I’m not kidding. If I were a lesbian and saw those dreads, eyes, that smile, and experienced that brain of yours, I’d be all over you, trying to make you forget whatshername.”

Shawn was flattered. Veda talked about her like she was the black, female version of Casanova. She smiled. “Thanks.”

“So, are we going out? I’m sure I can find somewhere that’s not over the top.”

Shawn took a deep breath and nodded. She wasn’t ready to jump in the water, but getting her toes wet was probably what she needed. Maybe it would help her feel less out of sorts.

“Good.” Veda pulled the ponytail holder out of her hair and shook it loose. Being blonde suited her. She’d let her hair grow since the last time Shawn saw her, but it worked. When she wore her hair down, it framed her face in a way that brought attention to her high, chiseled cheekbones. Up in a ponytail, it was like seeing the freshman version of Veda all over again. “I get to play dress up. I haven’t been out in a while. It feels like all I do is work. Gay men complimenting me would make me feel like Miss America. I could use some of that right now.”

So could Shawn.

Chapter 2

Good Friends. The name suited the bar. It was small, cozy, and had a piano. Shawn wouldn’t have been comfortable with strobe lights, throbbing music, and the press of gyrating bodies. There were plenty of men of various ages and only a handful of women. Shawn sipped the last of her vodka cranberry and wished it had been a bit fruitier. She glanced up in time to see Veda heading back to their table with new drinks. She wasn’t alone. Two men trailed behind her.

Veda sat down with a big smile and flushed face. “Okay, this one”—she put her hand on the shoulder of the man closest to her and he leaned into the touch like they’d known each other forever—“is Mr. Leather 2013, and this”—the other man scooted closer to Shawn—“is Mr. Leather 2015.”

Shawn smiled, but it felt awkward, like that part of her face was stiff. Mr. Leather. What the hell did they get for winning that contest? Shawn decided she didn’t really want to know. She was a bit rusty and wasn’t sure what to say. Courtney had been a homebody, and Shawn had become one as well in the five years they were together. It had been a while since she’d reached out to make new friends. “Uh…”

“There’s no way we broke her already. We haven’t said anything.” Mr. Leather 2013 smirked.

“She’s fine. Let’s just say we’re on the path of rediscovery.” Veda pushed a fresh vodka cranberry toward Shawn.

She took a huge swallow. “Sorry. I really do know how to speak.”

“Good to know.” Mr. Leather 2015 chugged on his beer before setting it down. “I’m Jaime and that’s Brad.”

“Shhh, leave her be. I think the aloof butch thing works for her.” Brad waved Jaime’s words away.

“Plus, those cheekbones and lips.” Jaime grinned.

Shawn’s face heated and her gaze went from one man to the other. Then, she glanced at Veda. Her drink was pressed against her lips, but Shawn saw the smile in her eyes.

“They’d eat you up at GrrlSpot.” Jaime continued to grin at her.

It felt good as hell to hear all that, especially from strangers. Still. “I’m not ready for that.”

“Break up?” Jaime asked.

Shawn nodded. “Yeah, almost two months ago.”

“Baby steps, then,” he encouraged.

“I’ll make out with you if that’ll help.” Brad smiled saucily.

Veda laughed. It was loud, boisterous, and Shawn couldn’t help but be pulled in by it.

When she was able to get her amusement down to a chuckle, Shawn held up her drink to Brad. “Thanks for the offer, but I don’t kiss—”

“Men,” he interrupted. “Shame. I don’t discriminate, especially with the hot ones.”

Warmth gushed through Shawn, and she did her best to hang on to it. “Next round’s on Veda.”

Shawn and the Mr. Leathers laughed. Veda glared.

Jaime finished his beer. “No, drink up, everybody. I’ll get the next one.”

Twenty minutes later, Shawn was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe. “No way.”

“I’m not kidding. I’m a nurse. I wouldn’t lie about this kind of shit. It broke off inside her. I can understand a cucumber, but a frozen smoked sausage? That was a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Obviously, she needed to go grocery shopping,” Veda snarked, which sent them into laughing fits all over again.

Brad stood. “Okay, hold on. No more stories till I get back. Anybody else want a refill?”

Everyone raised their hand.

“Well, shit. I need help then.”

“Let me pee, and I’ll help,” Jaime offered.

When they were alone, Shawn felt Veda’s gaze. She glanced at her.

“You’re having fun.”

“I am,” Shawn agreed.

“Told you so.”

“You did.” Their outing had been way better than any BBC show.

“Fuck Courtney.”

Shawn actually smiled. The pain didn’t cut as deep. Maybe it was the drinks. Maybe it was the company. Maybe it was that she’d let herself enjoy life, even if only for a few hours. She held up her glass. There was only a sip left, but she tilted it toward Veda. “Fuck Courtney.”

Brad smiled and set a new drink in front of Shawn. She muttered her thanks.

“Okay, you see that woman at the bar? The light-skinned one with the short curly hair and the blue shirt?”

They all turned to look.

“Don’t look!” he hissed.

“What, why?” Shawn asked.

“She asked me about you.”

“Oh.” Three sets of eyes zeroed in on Shawn.

“She’s one of the hot ones too,” Brad said.

They were all still staring at her. Shawn took a sip of her drink. “Thanks for letting me know.” It was getting uncomfortably warm, and she was pretty sure the drinks weren’t completely responsible. Shawn’s stomach churned, and her heart raced. She was flattered but full of anxiety too.

“Shawn, this is exactly what you—”

“No. I haven’t done the casual thing since college, and it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. You know me better than that, V.”

“No one’s saying you have to fuck her. Go talk to her. It’s nice feeling wanted every once in a while,” Brad chimed in.

Jaime was suspiciously quiet. He turned his head from side to side like he was watching a tennis match.

Shawn glanced toward the bar. The woman in the blue shirt was staring right at her. She was definitely one of the hot ones—Halle Berry hot, complete with smoky eyes, high, angular cheekbones, and full red lips. She smiled, and Shawn swallowed, hard. “I wouldn’t even know what to say. It’s been years—”

“Well, you’ve already proven you know how to speak. I think you’ll figure it out,” Veda interrupted. “Courtney moved on, and you have to start somewhere.”

“Kiss for luck?” Brad smiled crookedly. “Last chance.”

Shawn chuckled and realized that this was the most carefree she’d felt in months. She stood. She could so do this. What was the worst that could happen? Rejection? Being laughed at? Shawn’s alcohol and group-induced bravado went down a notch.

Someone grabbed her hand, and Shawn glanced down.

“Stop it. Don’t think, just do it,” Veda said.

Veda’s words put the brakes on her thoughts. Shawn nodded. She picked up her glass, intending to take a sip, but three vodka drinks were enough. The buzz she was feeling was nice, and she didn’t want to screw that up. Shawn set her glass back down and walked around the table.

Shawn took deep breaths to soothe last-second nerves as she closed in on the bar. Her heart hammered even harder than before, but she was going to do this. The woman turned as Shawn got closer. She grinned, brought a shot to her lips, and tossed it back, eyes dancing the whole time.

Don’t think! Shawn screamed at herself as she slid onto the stool beside her.

“Took you long enough.”

Shawn froze, but she couldn’t look away. The challenge in the woman’s eyes made something unfurl inside her.

“I’m Keisha.” The woman held out a hand.

Shawn accepted it, but instead of shaking it, she gripped lightly and let go. “Shawn.”

“Drink?” Keisha asked.