Reel History E-Book

Alex von Tunzelmann

• Herausgeber: Atlantic Books
• Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2015

Beschreibung

'Reel History is a hoot! Alex von Tunzelmann writes with a blend of playful wit and delicious snark' Greg Jenner From ancient Egypt to the Tudors to the Nazis, the film industry has often defined how we think of the past. But how much of what you see on the screen is true? And does it really matter if filmmakers just make it all up? Picking her way through Hollywood's version of events, acclaimed historian Alex von Tunzelmann sorts the fact from the fiction. Along the way, we meet all our favourite historical characters, on screen and in real life: from Cleopatra to Elizabeth I, from Spartacus to Abraham Lincoln, and from Attila the Hun to Nelson Mandela. Based on the long-running column in the Guardian, Reel History takes a comic look at the history of the world as told through the movies - the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly.

Leseprobe

REEL HISTORY

Also by Alex von Tunzelmann

Indian Summer: The Secret History of the End of an Empire

Red Heat: Conspiracy, Murder and the Cold War in the Caribbean

First published in hardback in Great Britain in 2015 by Atlantic Books, an imprint of Atlantic Books Ltd.

Copyright © Alex von Tunzelmann, 2015

The moral right of Alex von Tunzelmann to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Hardback ISBN: 978-1-78239-646-8

E-book ISBN: 978-1-78239-647-5

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-78239-648-2

Printed in Great Britain

Atlantic Books

An Imprint of Atlantic Books Ltd

Ormond House

26–27 Boswell Street

London

WC1N 3JZ

www.atlantic-books.co.uk

For Eugénie

CONTENTS

Introduction

1

The Ancient World

2

Middle Ages Spread

3

Renaissance Men (and Women)

4

Darkness and Enlightenment

5

The Empires Strike Back

6

Oh, What Lovely Wars

7

Modern Times

8

Living in the Now

Index

Acknowledgements

INTRODUCTION

What would the history of the world look like if you learned it all from watching movies? According to some of the films in this book, birth control pills have been available for 1,600 years; everyone in the Middle Ages could read, but William Shakespeare was illiterate; Scottish rebel Sir William Wallace managed to father King Edward III of England, even though he never met Edward’s mother and died seven years before Edward was born; Mozart was murdered by a jealous rival; champions of democracy have included the ancient Mauryan emperor Asoka, the nation of Sparta, Marcus Aurelius, Lady Jane Grey and Oliver Cromwell; the American war in Vietnam was awesome; all American wars were awesome; and a crew of plucky Americans including Jon Bon Jovi captured the first Enigma machine from the Nazis in World War II.

Unless you make an effort to read history books or watch high-quality television documentaries on historical subjects, the chances are that as an adult you will consume all your history from fictional feature films and television dramas. Maybe, if you paid attention in school, you’ll know they get some things wrong. But it will be difficult to stop deeper and broader misconceptions finding their way into your consciousness.

If you get it from the movies, your history of the world will be strongly focused on Western Europe and North America, and on the doings of white, heterosexual, Christian men of the upper classes. The women you know about will mostly be queens and mistresses, if they have characters at all beyond the ability to wear (and perhaps swiftly remove) sparkly, flimsy outfits. Even when you watch something about, say, ancient Egyptians, Mongols or Arabs, they will frequently be played by white people. Even if you watch films that are not made in Hollywood, this might still be true. In the Pakistani movie Jinnah (1998), Mohammad Ali Jinnah was played by Christopher Lee; in the Libyan movie Lion of the Desert (1981), Sharif al-Ghariyani was played by John Gielgud. Most historical characters will present themselves to you with a comforting simplicity, either as heroes or villains. Most historical stories will seem to have a satisfying beginning, middle and end. The good guys will mostly win, at least morally; for filmmakers know that if you leave the cinema uplifted or invigorated you will recommend the film to your friends. History onscreen becomes legend, myth, fable, propaganda.

Since 2008, I’ve been the historian behind Reel History, a column on historical films for the Guardian’s website. Every week, I watch one, then try to work out how it relates to the truth of what happened – aware, of course, that truth itself is slippery and subjective. It’s not always a bad thing to learn about history from films. I’ve certainly broadened and deepened my knowledge by watching such fine examples as The Lion in Winter (1968), a razor-sharp Plantagenet comedy with Peter O’Toole as Henry II and Katharine Hepburn as Eleanor of Aquitaine; The Killing Fields (1984), a moving tale of Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge; Ran (1985), Akira Kurosawa’s synthesis of King Lear and the real story of sixteenth-century Japanese daimyo Mori Motonari; and Twelve Years a Slave (2013), Steve McQueen’s searingly brilliant retelling of the story of Solomon Northup. In all of these cases, and many more, filmmakers have taken resonant stories and told them within a setting of well-researched period detail which does not suffocate meaning but enhances it. They get the facts right, or approximately right; but they also go beyond a simple retelling of the facts to find poignancy, tragedy, drama or humour. These films have a feeling for their time, but also a sense of what matters in ours.

Many filmmakers go to great lengths in pursuit of accuracy. Historian Justin Pollard has consulted on films including Elizabeth (1998) as well as the TV series The Tudors and Vikings. He spent two years researching Vikings from primary sources. ‘We translate lines into Old Norse and Old English, use pre-Conquest missals for religious scenes and reconstruct locations and events from contemporary chronicles – inasmuch as that’s possible in the ninth century!’ he told me. ‘We do make mistakes but often what are called “mistakes” are conscious decisions made for reasons of budget, logistics or narrative, like compressing time frames, shooting in a different location to the actual event, or reducing the cast of characters.’

Reel History goes easy on such ‘mistakes’ that are really just storytelling choices. Real life doesn’t fit neatly into three-act structures, nor into the approximately 90–240-minute run-time of feature films. Most filmmakers working in a commercially driven industry have to work within these conventions. Restructuring stories to be more compelling and more easily understood is part of a screenwriter’s job.

Changes that have been made for deliberate comic effect don’t tend to get slapped down in Reel History either, if they’re funny. Greg Jenner was historical consultant to the terrifically enjoyable Horrible Histories TV series, beloved of many usually serious historians. ‘We had to balance the post-modern comic whimsy, complete with time-travelling devices and modern TV references, with communicating 4,000 historical facts, and then flagging up which were the jokes and which were the true bits,’ he says. ‘We had a puppet rat to do that.’ In one of my favourite semi-historical films, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989), two Californian teenagers with a time machine establish that Napoleon is ‘a short dead dude’, Julius Caesar is ‘a salad-dressing dude’, and Genghis Khan is ‘a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China’. Some of us passed History GCSE with less. Jenner’s master’s thesis was on the reactions of medieval historians to films about King Arthur: ‘Everyone decided Monty Python’s Holy Grail was the best because it’s full of historical in-jokes.’

‘Humour is vital in helping us engage with the past,’ adds Professor Kate Williams, who presents history programmes on radio and TV. ‘Even if historical films are inaccurate, they get audiences involved.’ Justin Pollard agrees: ‘I hope historical drama serves as an inspiration for people to go and find out more. If you look at how well sales of popular Tudor history books did after The Tudors then I think that was the case.’

This is a very positive effect – but there is a darker side to some historical filmmaking. Many of the films in this book were made, officially or unofficially, for the purpose of advancing a specific political agenda. Some of these qualify as official propaganda, financed by governments or militaries; others are just trying to push a case because the filmmakers strongly believe it, whether that’s Roland Emmerich advancing his oddball Shakespeare conspiracy theories in Anonymous (2011) or Cecil B. DeMille bigging up McCarthyism in The Ten Commandments (1956). From Alexander Nevsky (1938) to Zero Dark Thirty (2012), some films are meant to influence the way we think.

Every week, somebody says to me: ‘It’s a fictional movie, not a documentary.’ Well, yes, of course it is – but some films deliberately blur the line. Paul Greengrass’s United 93 (2006) and Oliver Stone’s JFK (1991) both use a documentary style to present heavily fictionalized – and heavily politicized – historical cases. Even in less overtly political films, the versions of history shown often have a substantial and long-lasting impact. The iconic cultural images of such figures as Henry VIII, Robin Hood and Richard III were set by The Private Life of Henry VIII (1933), The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) and Laurence Olivier’s production of Richard III (1955) respectively. The myth that Jewish slaves built Egypt’s pyramids – controversially repeated by Israeli politician Menachem Begin in the twentieth century – does not appear in the Bible and is a historical impossibility: the great pyramids were built before Judaism existed. Yet it has been cemented in many people’s minds by generations of fanciful Hollywood movies about Moses. The myth that galley slaves were the norm in the Roman Empire can largely be traced to Ben-Hur (1959). The myth that Vikings wore helmets with two horns stems from the costume designs for the 1876 Bayreuth opera festival performance of Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen, but has been kept alive by films like The Norsemen (1978). The words ‘Follow the money’ were never said by Deep Throat (Mark Felt), the key source in the Watergate scandal, though they are often attributed to him by journalists and even historians; they were written by screenwriter William Goldman for the movie All the President’s Men (1976). Hollywood history can itself become the commonly accepted definition of history: the one most people know. ‘What is history but a fable agreed upon?’ asked Napoleon (paraphrasing Voltaire), and he hadn’t even seen Braveheart (1995).

One of the most striking things I’ve learned since writing Reel History is that, actually, a lot of people can and do believe some of the things they see in the movies. Many of us will know that a particularly outlandish claim is tosh when we watch it, but years later it may have taken root in our imaginations – and we don’t always remember that we first saw it in a fictional film. Some films have an immediate and terrifying effect. In the wake of the release of gung-ho Iraq War drama American Sniper (2014), social media filled up with violent, racist messages inspired by the movie. One example from Twitter: ‘Great fucking movie and now I really want to kill some fucking ragheads.’ The American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee reported that threats against Muslims and Arabs in the United States tripled following the movie’s release. It’s easier to argue ‘it’s a fictional film, not a documentary’ if no one is threatening to murder you after watching it.

Evidently, not all audiences can tell the difference between fact and fiction. And this doesn’t necessarily make them stupid: perhaps they could have done with a better education, but unfortunately many educational systems don’t encourage people to challenge what they’re being told. Film is an incredibly persuasive medium, which is why governments across the world, led by figures as politically diverse as Joseph Stalin, Winston Churchill, Richard Nixon, Kim Jong-un and Sayyid Ali Khamenei, have expended substantial amounts of time, money and effort making films, or interfering with other people’s films. ‘Filmmakers have a great responsibility,’ says Kate Williams. ‘How they present the past is how it gets remembered.’

As the historian Professor Richard Evans wrote in 2013: ‘History isn’t a myth-making discipline, it’s a myth-busting discipline, and it needs to be taught as such in our schools.’ The most essential principle of historical analysis is to question everything you are told and shown. That’s what Reel History wants you to do. Engage with what you’re watching. Ask questions and seek answers. There is nothing wrong with fictionalizing historical figures and events. It’s a fine literary tradition, from William Shakespeare to War and Peace to Wolf Hall: it can be creative and it can be fun. Also, everyone makes mistakes. My most embarrassing was in reviewing Elizabeth (1998). I stated that Elizabeth’s mother Anne Boleyn had been beheaded with an axe. Commenters rightly leapt on my blunder. Anne was beheaded by a French swordsman. Everyone knows that. I know that, too. Yet somehow, when I wrote it down, I messed it up. All the other historians pointed and laughed, and made me move my seat in the British Library next to the strange man who researches UFO conspiracies and smells of eels.

The government of Egypt banned Ridley Scott’s film Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014), saying it was ‘historically inaccurate’. It is. Even in the cases of the most egregiously and deliberately falsified historical films – I’m looking at you, Mel Gibson, and you, Oliver Stone – I have certainly never suggested they should be banned, nor that filmmakers should stop making them, nor that they be forced instead to make movies that a supreme council of historians deems accurate. I would hope any filmmaker would act intelligently when dealing with real material, be aware of the influence their film may have and take responsibility for the decisions they make – but that’s an aspiration, not a rule.

Films should be made and seen in an atmosphere of creative and intellectual freedom. Then they should be debated by historians, pulled apart, analysed, and, where necessary, mocked loudly and in public. If all else fails, just remember the unintentionally honest tagline of U-571 (2000), the film in which Jon Bon Jovi rescues the Enigma machine: ‘Nine men are about to change history.’

1

The Ancient World

The history of the world presented in cinema stretches back hundreds of millions of years. Animated dinosaur adventure The Land Before Time (1988) follows an orphaned Apatosaurus through the Cretaceous, 145–66 million years ago; the Ice Age films (from 2002) recount the adventures of Sid the sloth and friends, between 110,000 and 12,000 years ago. Sid the sloth was not, as far as we know, a real historical character.

Some filmmakers have had a go at caveman stories, though these are limited by their lack of language – and by the assumption that cavemen of all sorts were painfully literal and a bit dull. Jean-Jacques Annaud’s Quest for Fire (1981) employed A Clockwork Orange author Anthony Burgess to write a grunty language for its Neanderthals, and zoologist Desmond Morris to advise them on how to shuffle around and pick each other’s fleas off. Prehistoric flop The Clan of the Cave Bear (1986) subtitled a warpainted, Cro-Magnon Daryl Hannah.

The Birth of a Nation (1915) director D. W. Griffith was fascinated by prehistory, telling caveman tales in shorts Man’s Genesis (1912) and Brute Force (1914). In the latter, cavemen were pitted against dinosaurs. The earliest fossil remains of our species, Homo sapiens sapiens, date from around 200,000 years ago, during the Palaeolithic era – millions of years after the last dinosaur. Yet pitting plucky little humans against an angry T. Rex has often proved too tempting for filmmakers to resist.

1,000,000 BCE

One Million Years B.C. (1966)

Director: Don Chaffey • Entertainment grade: D • History grade: Fail

Dates: ‘This is a story of long, long ago, when the world was just beginning,’ intones a voiceover over images of swirling clouds and burping lava. Well, no. The film is ostensibly set in 1 million years BC, which would put it over 4.5 billion years after the world was just beginning. If by ‘the world’ it means hominid society, it’s not quite so far out: only 1.5 million years or so. It opens with the Rock Tribe, a band of loincloth-wearing, warthog-eating cavemen. They are clearly Homo sapiens with slightly mussed-up hair. Finding genuine Homo erectus would be a casting challenge – though one does occasionally wonder about the exact species of Mickey Rourke – but Homo sapiens actors without suitable prosthetics date the film to 200,000 BC at the earliest.

Fauna: A caveman, Tumak (John Richardson), is exiled from the Rock Tribe, and wanders the land encountering local wildlife. In 1 million years BC, you might expect a mammoth, a sabre-toothed tiger or a glyptodon. Instead, Tumak hears a roar, and there looms before him a really big iguana. Finding genuine dinosaurs would be another casting challenge, but a really big iguana does not look like a dinosaur. It looks like a really big iguana. Or a normalsized iguana chasing a tiny caveman. Things get even sillier a few minutes later, when a really big tarantula shows up. It is four times Tumak’s height. The biggest true spider ever to walk the earth is the goliath birdeater. It’s still knocking around in South America and, while finding one in the bathtub would be alarming, even it is no bigger than your hand. Fortunately, Ray Harryhausen’s beautifully animated stop-motion dinosaurs are on their way to rescue the film’s visual credibility. Real dinosaurs, of course, died out 65 million years ago. Which makes them something of an anachronism in 1 million BC.

Culture: Exhausted, Tumak collapses on a beach, conveniently situated in the territory of the Tribe of Hot Blonde Women Who Wear Furry Bikinis. These folk are more advanced than the Rock Tribe. In addition to two-piece swimwear, they have invented embroidery, conch shell trumpets, cave-painting workshops, bouffants, false eyelashes, spear aerodynamics, laughing at foreigners, and the small-scale manufacture of boho costume jewellery. At one point, a turnip is lifted triumphantly aloft. Presumably they must have foraged for it rather than actually working out how to farm, which would catapult them forward into the Neolithic. Meanwhile, the Rock Tribe sit around banging sticks together, thumping each other and grunting, while a nubile young woman is forced to do a sexy dance. So all they seem to have managed to invent is patriarchy.

Survival: For all the Hot Blonde Tribe’s innovations, they are still prey to an Allosaur, a Rhamphorhynchus and an angry turtle the size of a bus. If you’re thinking this last may be from the same pet shop as the iguana and the tarantula, you’re underestimating Harryhausen. It’s Archelon ischyros, a gigantic testudinate of the late Cretaceous. In life less gigantic than it looks here, admittedly, and again 64 million years out of date – but it was, in some sense, real. Loana (Raquel Welch) points at it, shouting, ‘Archelon! Archelon!’, which is clever of her, seeing as it was named by palaeontologist G. R. Wieland in 1896.

Verdict: Harryhausen’s dinosaurs are well worth a look, but the rest of One Million Years B.C. will bore the furry pants off anyone more advanced than a Neanderthal.

After the Ice Age, early civilizations began to form. By around 2500 BCE, there would be more for later filmmakers to work with: cities and trade networks, complete with forms of writing, numeracy, transport and exchange, across Mesopotamia and the valleys of the Nile and Indus rivers.

According to American and European cinema, ancient Egypt was populated and ruled by white people, though the occasional black actor is allowed a non-speaking role: usually as a spear carrier or leopardskin-clad trumpeter. The English rose complexion of Jeanne Crain passed for fourteenth- century BCE Queen Nefertiti in Italian adventure flick Nefertiti, Queen of the Nile (1961), opposite Vincent Price as a high priest. Nefertiti’s husband, the pharaoh Akhenaton, was played by Michael Wilding in The Egyptian (1954), with other Egyptian roles filled by Jean Simmons, Gene Tierney, Peter Ustinov and Victor Mature. Even in the more recent Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014), almost all the speaking parts were occupied by conspicuously white people.

2560 BCE

Land of the Pharaohs (1955)

Director: Howard Hawks • Entertainment grade: C– • History grade: D–

Khufu, or Cheops, was an Egyptian pharaoh of the fourth dynasty. He is remembered for building the Great Pyramid of Giza in the twenty-sixth century BC, the only surviving wonder of the Seven Wonders of the World.

Casting: Khufu returns from a war, rich with treasure and slaves. In 1955, Hollywood knew how to stage this sort of thing: scores of marching trumpeters, drummers, pipers and maraca players, hundreds of cavalry camels, and almost 10,000 extras supplied by the Egyptian government of Gamal Abdel Nasser. This spectacle made an impact on the then thirteen-year-old Martin Scorsese: ‘When I first saw it as a kid,’ he said, ‘Land of the Pharaohs became my favourite film.’ Unfortunately, when Khufu descends from his litter, he is Jack Hawkins. Clipped, uptight and as English as a rained-off cricket match, Hawkins is hopelessly miscast as the passionate, obsessive, despotic Khufu. The only Hollywood actor who could have pulled this off at the time was Marlon Brando.

Tyranny: Khufu’s people labour for years on a pyramid for him. Eventually, they start getting ticked off. There’s a nod to Herodotus here, who wrote of Khufu that his fixation on pyramid construction brought his people ‘every kind of evil… [he] bade all the Egyptians work for him… they worked by a hundred thousand men at a time, for each three months continually’. The film leaves out the part where Herodotus says Khufu came ‘to such a pitch of wickedness, that being in want of money he caused his own daughter to sit in the stews’ – or brothels.

Romance: Khufu’s lands end up so poor that some can’t pay their annual tribute. One – Cyprus – instead sends Princess Nellifer (Joan Collins). It takes Khufu ages to work out that Nellifer doesn’t like him, even after she has him stabbed. ‘So it was you!’ he gasps. ‘Yes!’ she hisses, with the same delicious venom she will later bring to Alexis Carrington Colby. ‘You can know now! I planned it all, and it’s all turned out as I hoped it would!’

Dialogue: ‘I don’t know how a pharaoh talks,’ director Howard Hawks admitted later. ‘And [screenwriter and Nobel laureate William] Faulkner didn’t know. None of us knew. We thought it’d be an interesting story, the building of a pyramid, but then we had to have a plot, and we didn’t really feel close to any of it.’ If they’d all followed Collins’s lead and stopped taking it so seriously, Land of the Pharaohs still wouldn’t have been any good – but it might have been fun.

Verdict: Next time, less fourth dynasty; more just Dynasty.

Many of Hollywood’s ancient Egyptian movies take inspiration from the biblical story of Moses, painting the pharaohs as proud and despotic. Historians are divided on whether Moses actually existed in the form that has been passed down in religious texts. Some suggest his stories may have been inherited and rewritten from even older traditions, or made up entirely. If he was real, he is usually dated to some time between the fourteenth and thirteenth century BCE.

Moses is popular with filmmakers nonetheless, though Ridley Scott’s 2014 epic Exodus: Gods and Kings, starring Christian Bale, drew critical snark for its pompous tone. Hollywood films like Exodus: Gods and Kings are also largely responsible for sustaining the belief that Jewish slaves built the pyramids. It makes for a great cinematic visual, but the famous pyramids at Giza, Sakkara, Abu Sir and other major Egyptian locations were mostly built between the twenty-seventh and twenty-fourth century BC – hundreds of years before any Jews arrived in Egypt and at least a millennium before Moses. The Bible claims that Jewish slaves built the cities of Pithom and Rameses, not the pyramids, and many modern historians and archaeologists dispute the idea that the pyramids were built by slave labour at all.

1250 BCE

The Prince of Egypt (1998)

Director: Brenda Chapman, Steve Hickner, Simon Wells • Entertainment grade: A • History grade: C

Family: To save her son from an Egyptian cull of Hebrew baby boys, Moses’s mother seals him in a basket and floats him off down the Nile. The pharaoh’s queen plucks him out of the waters. The story bears a glancing similarity to the legend of Sargon of Akkad, a Sumerian king of the twenty-fourth century BC (around a millennium before Moses). Sargon was sealed in a basket by his mother and floated off down the Euphrates, arrived at the palace of the goddess Ishtar, was adopted, and grew up to become king.

Class: Moses is brought up thinking he’s Egyptian. This isn’t obvious from Exodus, but it does create a satisfying character arc for him – he’ll go from spoilt brat to a leader of humanity. The film invents a daredevil race through the city, with Moses and his brother Rameses sending slaves scuttling into doorways as they gallop around in their shiny gold chariots, guffawing with princely entitlement. At one point, they knock the nose off the Great Sphinx of Giza, which appears to be under construction. In real life, the Sphinx was built at around the time of Sargon of Akkad. Its nose probably wasn’t knocked off until around three millennia after Moses: possibly by British or French troops in Napoleon’s time.

Disease: Pharaoh won’t free the slaves, so God sends plagues. There are lice, locusts, frogs, hail (upgraded to massive bolts of fire plummeting out of the sky), dead cows, boils, and a new and horrifying eleventh plague of people bursting into song. Or maybe that’s just because this is a musical. As is the Book of Exodus: there’s a song in chapter fifteen. The plagues were not recorded in Egyptian texts, but this doesn’t mean they didn’t happen. Egyptian royal inscriptions tended to stick to the happy stories.

Escape: Moses leads the Hebrews to the Red Sea, which whooshes back to allow them through. It’s superbly done – the shadow of a whale shark looming through the parted sea is a nice touch – but not particularly accurate. Scholars have pointed out that the Hebrew text of Exodus refers not to the Red Sea but to yam sûf, the ‘Reed Sea’, possibly a marsh or lake. A bit small to accommodate a whale shark.

Mythology: There’s a triumphal final shot of Moses’s face as he comes down from the mountain with the Ten Commandments. In Exodus, after meeting God, Moses’s face radiated light, forcing him to wear a veil. Owing to another mistranslation, ‘radiated light’ appeared in the Latin Bible for centuries as ‘grew horns’. There’s even a statue of Moses by Michelangelo complete with a lovely set of horns. Prince of Egypt’s Moses has a face that is neither glowing nor horned. Overall, though, this is a stunning film – certainly the most watchable cinematic version of the Moses story yet.

1250 BCE

The Ten Commandments (1956)

Director: Cecil B. DeMille • Entertainment grade: C+ • History grade: C–

Sources: DeMille himself strolls on screen at the beginning of the film, to explain how he has filled the gaps in the biblical story of Moses’s life with the work of historians such as Josephus and Philo. He claims they had access to ancient documents, which have since been destroyed. In reality, there’s no evidence that there were ever any such documents, and both Josephus and Philo were writing over a millennium after Moses’s death. Other historians of that era, including Tacitus, treated Moses as a legendary figure.

People: One of the reasons that putting a date to Moses’s life is so difficult is that the Book of Exodus isn’t specific about which pharaohs it describes. The film plumps for Seti I as Moses’s adoptive father and Rameses II as his brother, though there’s a slip-up when Moses congratulates Seti on his victory at Kadesh, a battle actually fought by Rameses. As for the love triangle between Moses, Nefretiri and Rameses, that doesn’t appear in scriptures or history. Bad luck, Josephus and Philo: DeMille also filled the gaps in Moses’s life from a stack of pulp novels.

Technology: The film won an Oscar for rising to the special effects challenges of religious, rather than historical, imagery, most famously the pillar of fire and the parting of the Red Sea. But there’s disappointment in store when Rameses refuses to listen to Moses’s plea to let his people go, and Egypt is visited by… four plagues. The other six are only mentioned in passing, because DeMille couldn’t work out how to do frogs, flies, lice, boils, locusts or the death of livestock. These days, of course, it would be easy: just set up a camera outside the toilet block at the Glastonbury Festival.

Politics: ‘Are men the property of the state?’ thunders DeMille. ‘Or are they free souls under God? This same battle continues throughout the world today.’ In his analogy, the repressive pharaohs are the Soviets, while the brave Hebrews are the Americans. A historian may wonder with horror whether Moses is supposed to be Senator Joseph McCarthy. At the time of filming, one of the stars, Edward G. Robinson, and its composer, Elmer Bernstein, had been persecuted by McCarthy’s investigations, and were in the process of being rehabilitated – a process mirrored by the redemption of Robinson’s entirely fictional character, Dathan. DeMille was one of Hollywood’s most prominent conservatives.

Verdict:The Ten Commandments is a fascinating historical film – not for what it says about Moses, but for what it says about Cold War America. ‘Go!’ commands Moses. ‘Proclaim liberty throughout all the lands, unto all the inhabitants thereof!’ The original line, attributed to God in Leviticus 25:10, has ‘land’ in the singular. It seems that didn’t make the case for spreading American-style freedom and democracy clearly enough.

After the ancient Egyptians came the ancient Greeks. Special and visual effects technologies have limited cinema’s efforts at translating Homer’s possibly historical Iliad and mostly fantastical Odyssey to the screen, though there have been attempts. Kirk Douglas starred in Ulysses (1954), and Greek singer Irene Papas in Iphigenia (1977). Historians have mixed feelings about the extent to which the Trojan War actually happened, though it does match up date-wise with evidence of a city known to archaeologists as Troy VII, at Hisarlik in Turkey. Troy VII was burned to the ground in around the twelfth or eleventh century BCE, roughly the right date for Homer’s war.

1250 BCE

Troy (2004)

Director: Wolfgang Petersen • Entertainment grade: D • History grade: D–

Scandal: In Sparta, King Menelaus holds a banquet for the Trojan princes, Hector and Paris. Paris sneaks off to make whoopee with Menelaus’s wife, Helen. The next day, she runs away with him. This puts Menelaus in a bate, and gives his brother Agamemnon an excuse to start a war. ‘Sparta was never my home,’ Helen explains. ‘My parents sent me there when I was sixteen, to marry Menelaus.’ Actually, in Homeric tradition, her parents were king and queen of Sparta and it was her home. Helen herself chose Menelaus, a prince of Mycenae, to be her husband, and he gained the throne of Sparta by marrying her. This film is already a right old mess.

People: War obliges Agamemnon to enlist Greece’s best warrior and biggest pain in the backside, Achilles (Brad Pitt). Pitt’s Achilles is a hero with an attitude problem the size of Asia Minor, who spends most of his time lounging around in a kaftan and getting laid. Not a million miles from the Homeric depiction, but much more annoying. In classical history, Achilles was disguised as a girl to avoid going to war. The film wimps out of putting Pitt in a dress, and instead has him in a cobalt-blue sarong, necklace of shells and tousled honey-blonde wig. He looks like a creepy yoga teacher.

Sex: Achilles is sparring with his lover Patroclus, whom the film insists is just his cousin. It seems the Greek hero has undergone a radical straightening process – and we’re not talking about his hair any more. The filmmakers have edited out all the gay sex from the Iliad, along with the presence of the gods. You have to wonder why they bothered making a film about ancient Greece in the first place.

Zoology: As the Greek ships arrive at Troy, the people start panicking in their marketplace, running past the camera with a donkey, a birdcage and two llamas. That’s right: llamas. From Peru. First visited by Europeans in the sixteenth century CE. It is impossible that there would have been any llamas in Europe or Asia for at least another 2,800 years. Unless these ones were really good swimmers and just bobbed over the Atlantic of their own accord.

Violence: Paris challenges Menelaus to a duel. Being a big girl’s blouse, the prince of Troy is no match for the Spartan king, who lumbers around whacking him with a sword for about thirty seconds until the bleeding Paris scuttles away to hide behind Hector’s skirts. Menelaus goes in for the kill, but Hector gets him first with a stab through the chest. The real (or real-ish) Menelaus survived the Trojan War, and was happily reunited with Helen afterwards. Director Wolfgang Petersen also prematurely bumps off Ajax and Agamemnon. At least all these deaths rule out the sequel.

In the forties, fifties and sixties, there was a fashion for biblical epics. Though many of these featured Hollywood stars and were filmed in English, they were often produced in Italy. Italy made the first feature-length ancient epic, The Last Days of Pompeii (1908), and the most influential, Punic War story Cabiria (1914), a hodge-podge of historical fiction and real-life characters, who included Hannibal and Archimedes.

Hollywood’s ancient stories were often drawn from the Old Testament, which records tales of the ancient near east around a millennium BCE. Paulette Goddard was Jezebel in Sins of Jezebel (1953); Orson Welles played King Saul in David and Goliath (1960); Joan Collins turned up again in Esther and the King (1960). The ludicrous Solomon and Sheba (1959) tempted in audiences with the promise of an Old Testament orgy scene, though being 1959 this merely consisted of the Queen of Sheba (Gina Lollobrigida) doing the funky chicken in a gold bikini while her acolytes formed a conga line and then ran off giggling into the undergrowth.

1000 BCE

Samson and Delilah (1949)

Director: Cecil B. DeMille • Entertainment grade: B • History grade: B

The story of Samson is recorded in the Book of Judges, thought to have been written in about the seventh or sixth century BCE.

People: Samson (Victor Mature), hero of the Danites, macks on hot Philistine blonde Semadar (Angela Lansbury). Meanwhile, Semadar’s sister Delilah burns with lust for him. She is played by the gorgeous real-life mathematician Hedy Lamarr, sometimes credited as the inventor of wi-fi. Historians and scientists might be happier with the statement that she was one of the inventors of frequency hopping, which was subsequently used in military and civilian communications technology. None of this is much use to her in tenth-century BCE Gaza.

Romance: Delilah drags Samson out to the desert, where they are waylaid by a lion. Bravely, Samson leaps at it. Or, rather, his stunt double does. Cecil B. DeMille was furious with Victor Mature for refusing to wrestle the actual clapped-out old lion he procured for the scene, though the leading man gamely rolled around with a stuffed version in the close-ups. ‘You killed him with your hands!’ gasps Delilah. ‘Oh, Samson!’ She leaps upon him, considerably more rapacious than either the real or the fake lion. No dice: he still marries the blonde.

Arson: The marriage doesn’t work out. Aggrieved, Samson sets fire to the fields of the Philistines, though fortunately for some foxes DeMille did not attempt to film the novel method of arson as described in the Book of Judges: ‘Samson went and caught three hundred foxes, and took firebrands, and turned tail to tail, and put a firebrand in the midst between two tails. And when he had set the brands on fire, he let them go into the standing corn of the Philistines.’

Costume: Delilah seduces Samson, so as to betray him to the Philistines. The Philistines take him to be humiliated at the temple of their god, Dagon. Delilah turns up in a fabulous cloak of peacock feathers. Just as no foxes were inconvenienced in the making of this film, nor were any peacocks. DeMille had pet ones, and is said to have spent a decade collecting their shed plumes from his grounds to make Lamarr’s costume.

Love: Samson still loves Delilah, even if it is her fault that he has now been imprisoned, blinded, subjected to hard labour, and attacked by miniature gladiators (no, that bit isn’t in the Bible, but this is a long film and somebody got creative). ‘Wherever you go, my love is with you,’ he tells her. Well, she did invent wi-fi. Kind of. His strength returns and he destroys the temple. It’s a striking sequence, even though some of the blocks of falling stone bounce.

Verdict: ‘I am sometimes accused of gingering up the Bible with large and lavish infusions of sex and violence,’ wrote Cecil B. DeMille in his autobiography. ‘I can only wonder if my accusers have ever read certain parts of the Bible.’ Hollywood may taketh away flaming foxes with one hand, but it giveth miniature gladiators with the other.

The Battle of Thermopylae in 480 BC is seen by some historians as a pivotal moment in the relationship between East and West. For three days, Greek forces, under the command of King Leonidas of Sparta and his 300 warriors, held back the entire Persian army, under the Achaemenid emperor Xerxes. The main source on Thermopylae is the Greek historian Herodotus, who was alive (though very young) at the time. He is often considered unreliable, preferring to tell a good story than to stick to the facts – making his work ideal material for Hollywood adaptation twenty-four centuries later.

Thermopylae has been filmed as The 300 Spartans (1962), with Richard Egan and Ralph Richardson, and more recently as an adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel 300 (2007). To be fair, some historians appreciated 300. Tom Holland, author of such terrific ancient history books as Rubicon and Persian Fire, argued that Zack Snyder’s movie is ‘profoundly unsettling, to be sure, but is also the most authentic rendering of an ancient culture’s mores yet achieved by a Hollywood director’. He noted: ‘What few jokes do intrude all derive from Herodotus, Xenophon, or Plutarch. Otherwise, the film is solemn to an almost muscle-bound degree. It really does seem to argue that militarism is a thing of glory. Which is precisely, of course, what makes it so convincing as a portrait of the Spartan mentalité.’

480 BCE

300 (2007)

Director: Zack Snyder • Entertainment grade: E • History grade: Fail

Military: A Persian ambassador rocks up in Sparta, demanding submission. ‘Rumour has it that the Athenians have already turned you down,’ scoffs Leonidas. ‘And if those philosophers and boy-lovers have found that kind of nerve…’ It’s odd to make a homophobic remark if you are in charge of the Spartan army, which insisted on homosexual contact between mature male warriors and young boys as part of social and martial training. Mind you, with their waxed chests and tight leather Speedos, the film’s Spartans do at least look like they might be up for a bit of that.

Geography: Infuriated by the Spartan resistance, Xerxes sends armies ‘from the darkest corner of his empire’, including shouty Mongols, stampy Indian elephants, and some sub-Saharan Africans with a blinged-out battle rhino. Technically, it’s still supposed to be 480 BC, but these warriors are taken from completely arbitrary points in history – except for the battle rhino, which is taken from no point in history, and can only have escaped from The Lord of the Rings. Moreover, none of these territories was part of the Achaemenid empire; though it was very large, stretching from modern-day Turkey to the Indus.

People: The solemn voiceover loses some of its impact because Dilios (David Wenham) seems to have learned his English accent from George, the camp pink hippo from 1980s children’s programme Rainbow. ‘I trust that scratch hasn’t made you useless?’ asks Leonidas, while Dilios ties a bandage around his own head. ‘Hardly, my lord,’ says Dilios. ‘It’s just an eye.’ Dilios is based on the Spartan warrior Aristodemos, but he didn’t get his eye slashed out in battle. All he had was a nasty infection. Real Spartans could withstand anything, except conjunctivitis.

Betrayal: In the film, a deformed Spartan called Ephialtes is tempted over to the Persian side when Xerxes shows him a tent full of naked ladies who just can’t get enough of really ugly men. According to Herodotus, Ephialtes was a non-deformed non-Spartan, who showed the Persians a mountain trail around Thermopylae, leading them to victory. This makes a lot more sense than his betrayal in 300, which consists of wearing a funny pointy hat.

Society: ‘This day, we rescue a world from mysticism and tyranny,’ brags Dilios. The real Spartans were not defenders of freedom and democracy. Spartan society maintained a permanent war footing to preserve its unequal structure, which was based on the exploitation of a large class of helots, or slaves. There was a nation in Greece that did have a democracy something like that associated with Sparta in the film: Athens. Run by the same Athenians that the film’s Leonidas ridiculed earlier for thinking about stuff.

Verdict: Epic fail.

One of history’s great heroes – whom filmmakers have repeatedly tried to turn into one of cinema’s – is Alexander III, known as the Great, king of Macedon from 336–323 BC. Before the age of thirty, he conquered an enormous swathe of territory stretching from the Danube in the north-west to the Nile in the south and the Indus in the east, becoming pharaoh of Egypt, king of Persia and lord of Asia. He died aged just thirty-two. The famous quote: ‘When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer’ is often thought to be classical, but is in fact a Hollywood coinage. It was first said by Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) in blockbuster action flick Die Hard (1988).*

Alexander has been played by Bollywood legend Prithviraj Kapoor in Sikandar (1941), by Richard Burton in Alexander the Great (1956), and even by Star Trek’s William Shatner in a TV movie also called Alexander the Great (1968), opposite Adam West of Batman fame as General Cleander of Macedon.

323 BCE

Alexander (2004)

Director: Oliver Stone • Entertainment grade: Fail • History grade: D+