Results Through Relationships E-Book

Joe Takash

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 289

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2008

Beschreibung

A career guide to more significant business results in a shorter period of time Results Through Relationships shows professionals how to establish break-through relationships with new prospects and their existing networks, including colleagues, bosses, customers, clients, vendors, and others. Many people assume that only new contacts will help them achieve their goals, but in reality, many breakthroughs happen within existing networks. This handy career guide focuses on the bottom-line behaviors that expedite trust, improve workplace performance, and increase profit. Author Joe Takash presents a nine-step process that anyone can master, and his formula proves that we're all in the relationship business first.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Praise

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Foreword

Acknowledgements

Introduction

PUTTING A HARD LINE ON SOFT SKILLS

BEHAVIORS OR BUST

ACTIONS GET OUTCOMES

WARNING: THE HIGHER YOU GO, THE BIGGER THE BLINDSPOTS

SIMPLICITY CREATES SUSTAINABILITY

HOW PEOPLE BEHAVE AND WHY THEY DON’T CHANGE

HOW THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU

THE BENEFITS APPROACH: HELPING YOU OWN YOUR RESULTS

CHAPTER ONE - Be a Partner, Not an Order Taker

TAKING SECOND-CLASS-CITIZEN STATUS FOR GRANTED

IDEAL PARTNERSHIPS

STARTING OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT

KINDFIDENCE

TRANSITIONING RELATIONSHIPS

REALITY CHECK: IS RESISTANCE COMING FROM THE OTHER PERSON . . . OR FROM YOU?

REWARDS OUTWEIGH THE RISKS

IMPACT: WHAT PARTNERSHIP MEANS TO YOU

CHAPTER TWO - Reveal Your Flaws without Fear

TURN A MISSED OPPORTUNITY INTO A MADE ONE

IT TAKES STRENGTH TO ADMIT VULNERABILITY

A POTENT MIXTURE

TIPS AND TECHNIQUES: HOW TO REVEAL YOUR FLAWS WITHOUT FEAR

BRIDGING THE DISTANCE

CHAPTER THREE - Offer Honest and Direct Feedback

THE ARGUMENT FOR FEEDBACK

TIPS AND TECHNIQUES FOR LEVELING WITH A PERSON OF INFLUENCE

TROUBLESHOOTING: WHEN THE FEEDBACK SESSION DOESN’T GO AS YOU PLANNED

BENEFITS: HOW FEEDBACK IMPACTS RELATIONSHIPS

GETTING GREAT RESULTS

CHAPTER FOUR - Relish Productive Confrontations

DISAGREE WITHOUT BEING DISAGREEABLE

BUT WHAT IF ...

PRODUCTIVE CONFRONTATION STEPS

DO YOU WANT WITNESSES?

DEALING DIRECTLY WITH DIFFICULT ISSUES

CHAPTER FIVE - Make Gratitude a Habit

A SIMPLE THANKS WILL DO, AND A WRITTEN THANKS MAY DO BETTER

MODES OF EXPRESSION

THE SUCK-UP OBSTACLE

WHAT SHOULD I EXPRESS APPRECIATION ABOUT?

INFUSING RELATIONSHIPS WITH TRUST, LOYALTY, AND GOODWILL

CHAPTER SIX - Become an Exceptional Listener

FOUR SINS OF BAD LISTENERS

PRACTICING SILENCE AND OTHER LISTENING BEHAVIORS THAT WORK

LISTEN WITH THE SELFLESS ATTITUDE OF A SAINT

ARE YOU LISTENING? A SELF-AUDIT

THE FOXHOLE PRINCIPLE: WHY YOU CAN DEPEND ON THE BEST LISTENERS

CHAPTER SEVEN - Get to Know the Complete Person

IT’S NOT ENOUGH TO KNOW THE NAMES OF YOUR BOSS’S KIDS AND HIS GOLF HANDICAP

THE COMPLETE PERSON QUESTIONNAIRE

GETTING STARTED: THE TRICK OF ASKING A BOUNDARY-CROSSING QUESTION

ARE YOU READY FOR COMPLETE RELATIONSHIPS?

IT’S QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY

CHAPTER EIGHT - Tell Yourself the Truth (and Get Others to Help You)

TYPES OF SELF-DECEPTION

RESULTS YOU DON’T WANT

HOW TO START TELLING YOURSELF THE TRUTH

LEVELING WITH YOURSELF

CHAPTER NINE - Give More than People Expect

GIVING IS AN ATTITUDE AS WELL AS AN ACTION

WHY WE FAIL TO GIVE AT THE OFFICE

MAKING CONTRIBUTIONS THAT COUNT

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT TO CONTRIBUTE?

CONTRIBUTION WORDS AND DEEDS

GIVE FROM THE HEART AS WELL AS FROM THE HEAD

CHAPTER TEN - Maximize Your Return on Relationships

REMIND YOURSELF WHY YOU PARTNER

A RELATIONSHIP-DRIVEN WORLD

TROUBLESHOOTING: HOW TO KEEP PARTNERING RELATIONSHIPS IN GOOD SHAPE

DON’T PLACE LIMITS ON YOUR BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS

RECIPROCITY: THE IMPORTANCE OF SCRATCHING BACKS

THERE’S ONLY SO MUCH ONE MAN (OR WOMAN) CAN DO, BUT NO LIMIT TO WHAT TWO CAN ACCOMPLISH

INDEX

ADVANCE PRAISE FORRESULTS THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS

“Not reading this book is leaving money on the table. Joe Takash captivates the reader by assuring that people are not in the way of the business process. They are the most important part of it. What brings Results Through Relationships to a breakthrough level are the practical tools that create foundations for acquiring sustainable business even in the most unstable of economies.”

—Todd Lillibridge, Chairman and CEO, Lillibridge Healthcare

“Results through Relationships is a handy guide of simple, but powerful reminders for anyone looking to improve personal and professional effectiveness.”

—Patrick Lencioni, author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team

“Joe Takash has combined two of the most important words in business: Results and Relationships. If you are looking for a path that will lead you to faster and more certain success, this book is a must own, must read, and must implement—as fast as you can.”

—Jeffrey Gitomer, author of The Little Red Book of Selling

“Results Through Relationships provides the sensitivity and secrets to forging great client and customer rapport. If there’s such a thing as ‘return on relationships’ or ROR, Joe Takash has provided the royal road to pursuing it. And, what do you know, he establishes a great relationship with the reader as this fascinating book demonstrates how to gain profit from the people who are right in front of you every day.”

—Alan Weiss, PhD, author of Million Dollar Consulting

“Joe Takash has provided the people in our company with motivational, management, and leadership insights for the past ten years. The speaking and training that Joe provides is engaging and offers practical advice on building the relationship skills we need to be successful.”

—Peter Davoren, President and CEO, Turner Construction Company

“Results Through Relationships crystallizes how business success is most significantly reflected by your ability to build and cultivate the human capitol. In disarming fashion, Joe Takash humbles and inspires you with behavioral insights which lead to better, faster business outcomes. This is a must read for existing and aspiring leaders continually seeking that next level of success.”

—Tom Leppert, Mayor, City of Dallas

“Joe Takash comes as close as it gets to creating a practical scientific formula for gaining greater results through interactions with others. This ‘proof through action’ career guide both eliminates excuses and equips the reader with an arsenal of tools to motivate individual and team performance at a very high level.”

—Michael Viollt, President, Robert Morris College

Copyright © 2008 by Joe Takash. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey. Published simultaneously in Canada.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, [phone], fax [phone], or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, [phone], fax [phone], or online at www.wiley.com/go/permissions.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

For general information on our other products and services or for technical support, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at [phone], outside the United States at [phone] or fax [phone].

Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books. For more information about Wiley products, visit our web site at www.wiley.com.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Takash, Joe. Results through relationships : building trust, performance, and profit through people / Joe Takash. p. cm.

eISBN : 978-0-470-44345-3

1. Psychology, Industrial—Handbooks, manuals, etc. 2. Interpersonal relations—Handbooks, manuals, etc. I. Title. HF5548.8.T2842 2008 650.1’3—dc22 2008016812

.

This book is dedicated to the best listenersI’ve ever known, my Mom and Dad;to my amazing wife Sarah, best friendand soul mate; to our angels on earth,Willy and Maggie; and our little angelgone to heaven, Althea Grace.Thank you all for your love, humor, andunwavering support. You are the world to me.

FOREWORD

Imagine that you are 95 years old. You are just getting ready to die. Here comes your last breath! But before you take your last breath, you are given a wonderful gift—a beautiful gift—the ability to go back in time and talk to the person who is reading this foreword—the ability to help you, the person who is reading this foreword—be a better professional. More importantly, to give you the ability to help yourself have a better life.

What advice would the 95-year-old “you” have for the “you” that is reading this foreword?

I have had the opportunity to talk with a couple of friends who have interviewed old people—or dying people—and asked them the question, “What advice would the ‘old you’ have had for the ‘younger you’ ? ”

Three themes consistently come up in the answers from old people—or people facing death:

Be happy now.Build relationships with people. Follow your dreams.

This very practical and useful book is all about building relationships with people.

I think that the title Results through Relationships is very accurate. I believe if you even come close to doing most of the work that is suggested in this book, you will improve relationships and achieve results—your dreams.

You will become a better leader, a better salesperson, or a better team member. Your company’s productivity will increase.

I would suggest that none of these good reasons is the primary reason that you should use the material in this book to build relationships.

You should work very hard on building relationships because the 95-year-old you will be proud because you did. And the 95-year-old you will be disappointed if you didn’t.

In terms of all of the feedback and performance appraisals that you will receive in life—that appraisal of the “old you” who is facing death is the only one that matters. If that old person thinks that you did the right thing—you did. If that old person thinks you screwed up—you did. You don’t have to impress anyone else.

If you think I am wrong, interview any CEO who has retired. I have interviewed many. Ask them one question, “Please tell me what you are proud of?”

All they ever discuss are the people that they helped—their relationships—not how big their office was or how much money they made.

At the end of the day, relationships are everything.

The main reason to use all of the good tips in this book is to become a better human being.

If that isn’t reason enough, don’t do it.

If you are just trying to manipulate people to get ahead, don’t waste your time. Life is too short.

Review this book. It contains a lot of great ideas.

Do what works for you. Don’t worry about the rest.

Have better relationships with people and a better life.

Be someone who the 95-year-old you would be proud of.

Send Joe a little thank you note when something he wrote helps you have a better life.

—Marshall Goldsmith New York Times best selling author of What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

To Michael Viollt for your brilliance, trust, and character, and the boundless personal and professional opportunities you’ve offered. You’ve been my George Bailey. Your humility and goodness are a constant inspiration. The success of Robert Morris College is an artful orchestration of genius, and you are the captain of that ship. Be proud of the mark you’ve made in the lives of many, and thank you for your love and friendship.

To Bruce Wexler for introducing me to John Wiley & Sons—without you, these words would not be written, this book not published.

To the Wiley team of Shannon Vargo, Laurie Harting, Jessica Langan-Peck, Christine Kim, and Kate Lindsay—you are all true professionals who are guiding, supportive, and more importantly, polite, throughout this exciting journey.

To my colleagues at Victory Consulting, including the resident intellect, Calvin Iwema; the savant-minded Matt Baron; the plow horse, Joe Tabers; the fiery, creative, and razor sharp Nicole Nashar Andrews; and the scary-intuitive Tim Hoyle, a “selfless” inspiration to my career and a truly good soul.

To amazing clients like Turner Construction, Lillibridge, Budget Blinds, and J.H. Findorff for the partnership you’ve provided me and our Victory Consulting team—you are winning organizations with quality people, reflective of your well-deserved success. There are too many names to mention, but please know I am forever grateful to your fine companies.

To all the high school and college students and teachers who provided me the chance to work with them in the advent of my speaking career—you served as the breeding ground for my professional development and constant reminder that nothing is more important than connecting with people on an honest, vulnerable level.

To General Motors, American Express, and Prudential—thank you for the early exposure to speak and consult in the corporate big leagues.

To Alan Weiss, an incredible business mentor who quickly edified me on the “business side” of the speaking business, and allows me to quote him weekly to even the very top of the business food chain. In his words, “The hardest sale you will ever have to make is to yourself,” and “I’m constantly amazed at how stupid I was two weeks ago.” You are a difference maker on many levels.

To the 26 groomsmen who honored me by standing up in my wedding (without compensation!)—I love you all from near and far. Joey C., you may be in a better place, but I’ll always miss getting the wind knocked out of me from your bone-crushing, bear hugs.

Finally, I want to acknowledge all the people out there who have a passion for lifelong learning as well as those of you who remind yourselves to appreciate what you do have in life. I hope the concepts and tools in this book fuel your engine to continually elevate to that next level of personal and professional success.

—Joe Takash May 16, 2007

INTRODUCTION: GET RIGHT TO THE BOTTOM LINE

This book has a single focus on one goal: apply the behaviors that get better business results faster from your working relationships.

It does not matter if you are the wealthy owner of your own company, a sales manager for a radio station in a large market, or an entry-level employee at a midsize bank. The common interest that successful people share is the desire to constantly elevate to the next level of performance that leads to positive outcomes.

But let’s agree on one absolute up front. If your paycheck requires communication and interaction with people, you are irrefutably, unequivocally, indisputably, in the relationship business. There is no gray area, and the reason is simple: no relationships, no paycheck.

Our relationships with others, and the management and development of them, are integral to every facet of our lives; not just work-related ones, but friendships, romantic relationships, and connections with family members. These relationships can determine the path of our careers, the successes we achieve, the level of satisfaction we experience, and the amount of support we feel from others. As you read this book, consider all the different types of relationships you have and identify a few significant relationships across the various areas of your life that provide you with great satisfaction and allow you to do the same for others. Use them as a reference point for comparison and contrast. Try to choose the most rewarding and mutually beneficial relationships. Reflect on all the benefits of those relationships: financial rewards, trust through complete honesty, communication without hidden agendas, unconditional loyalty, a sounding board for creative ideas, and so on.

In my studies of human behavior for the last twenty years, a resonating consistency has emerged. Most people have at least one relationship that defines what we think all relationships should be, but too frequently, we struggle with our other relationships, especially those that take place at work. Breaking through with almost everyone you interact with to maximize mutual benefits is a challenge for even the wiliest of veterans. Even if we get along well with our bosses and direct reports, we often have other relationships in the office that aren’t as positive or productive. The results you may be seeking could include more business from existing customers, referrals to new clients, more responsibility, a completely different position, or an opportunity to earn more money.

This book provides insights from perspectives you may not have considered. It also offers information you’ve heard about, but that you may not be executing at the level necessary to build trust, performance, and profit.

For example, your ability to become not just good, but proficient, at remembering people’s names is far more than a “nice people skill to have”; it’s a tangible tool that gets business results. I know this firsthand. People love to hear their name, they feel respected and valued. When people feel valued, trust is easier to come by, performance is easier to motivate, results are easier to get. Yet so many bright people at high levels are fumbling the ball on the field of business opportunity.

In seminars I conduct, I’ve surveyed thousands of people by asking one question:

How good are you at remembering people’s names?

Fantastic? Not so hot? Embarrassingly bad?

Over 95 percent of responses fall under “not so hot” or “embarrassingly bad.” Many of these are high-level execs trying to lead masses of people, salespeople who need to expand their customer networking base for increased income, and new employees trying to make an impression with a wide variety of colleagues. Yet, they leave money and business opportunities on the table every day. I call this the “big business contradiction.”

There are so many things out of your direct control in business, namely company buyouts, mergers, acquisitions, and the ebb and flow of the stock market. However, getting great with names is one example of a relationship behavior that is well within your control. Chapter 7 discusses why we fail at remembering names, how remembering them improves your confidence and connections in business, and offers simple behaviors for you to apply to dramatically improve your ability to remember names. And names are just one item in a microcosm of relationship tools that yield measurable outcomes.

PUTTING A HARD LINE ON SOFT SKILLS

Pardon the abrasiveness, but those who say business relationships are soft or touchy-feely are clueless. Relationships and the breakthroughs we make in them open the doors to different worlds that expedite bottom-line results. The context of relationships can be undirected and nebulous, but not in this book. We will cut through the fluff and get to the results-producing actions.

The Dysfunctional Evolution of Leadership

See Mary work.

Mary knows her product.

Mary gets promoted.

Mary manages a team of people.

Mary was an “A student” in college.

Mary works hard, but she does not work smart.

Mary doesn’t motivate.

Mary intimidates.

Mary feels pressure

Mary thanks no one for contributing.

Mary blames customers and yells at employees.

See Mary get fired.

Sadly, there are many people like Mary who, contrary to their workplace conduct, have a heart of gold. But no one ever told Mary how to recognize others or offer direct and diplomatic feedback. Like most people, she was probably never taught how to listen deeply or how to confront colleagues in a manner that would result in positive outcomes. She was never schooled in behaviors that build trust and loyalty, how to rebuild relationships, or how to discover the motivations that fuel the performance of others.

It’s hard to blame Mary for not being fluid in a language she was never taught to speak.

Why Wasn’t “Relationship Management 101” Offered in School?

If I had a dime for every 50-plus-year-old manager who came up to me after a keynote presentation and said, “If they had taught us these skills when we were starting out, I’d be a lot richer and our company would be more successful,” I’d sell my prom tux and buy a new one.

It flies in the face of logic that we interact with people in a variety of positions with different objectives and agendas, and yet no instruction manuals were ever created that cover the how-tos of making positive links with people, which is the lifeblood of business relationships and bottom-line results.

Companies are spending millions of dollars on process-based tools like accounting systems, organizational matrixes, and web-based applications. They’re necessary for efficiency and business competition, and I applaud those investments. Yet, the investment to help people develop the relationship tools and show them how these behaviors impact the ledger are grossly imbalanced relative to the focus on business process.

BEHAVIORS OR BUST

Three years ago, I spoke to a team of executives who had just come back from the west coast for a week of “Internal Leadership Focus.” They were elated because the consultants had “nailed their personalities.” The execs bragged about how throughout the testing and evaluations they had endured, each had understood his or her hidden drivers and the reasons they behaved the way they did.

I followed up with a simple inquiry: “That’s great. So what specific behaviors are you going to implement to improve relationships and business?” The answer: silence. Not a single leader could talk specifically about a disciplined behavior plan to change outcomes and elevate themselves to new levels of performance!

I’m both a fan and a heckler when it comes to personality assessments. I love what the Disc Personality Test, Forte Communication Profile, Winslow Assessment, and Meyers Briggs test can do for self-awareness and the understanding of others. My firm uses some of these instruments in executive development. However, I loathe the thought of no attached behavioral plan to yield higher results. Don’t we make investments to see higher returns?

This is like my wife telling me the first day of our marriage, “Honey, I notice you never make the bed” and me saying, “Huh, I never thought of it before.” Then, three years later over a heated discussion she says, “Do you know in all the time we’ve been married, you’ve never made the bed?” And I respond, “No I haven’t, but I’m aware of it now.”

ACTIONS GET OUTCOMES

If behaviors don’t change for the better, then results don’t improve.

You’ll see this axiom inscribed in a variety of ways throughout the book. (Repetition breeds retention.)

If you do nothing else but apply these behaviors, you will increase the probability of getting better business results faster. I implore you to understand the context, read the stories, and raise your awareness around the specific steps that are laid out in the chapters that follow. You will realize great value with this approach.

But I’m a realistic optimist. People buy 15 song CDs for three tracks, buy DVDs for two specific scenes, and read books to meet their own objectives. If all you want to do is extract the action-based tools for change, you have a fan base of one right here. Do what works for you.

WARNING: THE HIGHER YOU GO, THE BIGGER THE BLINDSPOTS

I research statistics in books, surveys, and studies all the time. My firm has been fortunate to produce some revealing statistical “science” in our client work—even at less formal, but highly informative levels. For example, 97 percent of unhappy customers don’t complain, and for every 1 unhappy customer, 24 others experience some degree of dissatisfaction. Even worse, those unhappy 24 will each tell 20 others about your failings as a service provider. The damage is exponential, and it can happen with internal as well as external customers.

In speaking to large audiences and facilitating small groups, I’ve repeatedly learned the higher the professional position, the less honest feedback people receive about their relationship ineffectiveness, and the more their behavior impacts results. This includes even the “natural born leaders” and brilliant intellects with great business minds.

Fact: Everyone has blindspots.

A few years ago, I coached Tom, a senior executive at an industry-leading company. Having worked at this company for over 40 years, Tom possessed more knowledge about the company and the industry than the other 4,000 employees. His expertise was unmatched, and his ideas and information should be helping everyone from neophytes to senior managers do their jobs better.

However, few people took advantage of Tom’s knowledge; they complained that he was cold and rude. These complaints were the main reason I was called in to coach Tom. During our first meeting, I, too, was struck by his gruff and defensive tone of voice as well as his abruptness. He frequently was defensive when I asked him questions about why people didn’t come to him for help. He rarely smiled and interrupted frequently.

I videotaped this first session and played it back for him later that day. Within a few minutes of watching the tape, I could see it was having a powerful effect on him. A big, tough guy, Tom isn’t someone who wears his emotions on his sleeve but, after viewing the tape, he looked like someone who had just viewed a particularly scary horror movie.

“What are you feeling right now?” I asked him when the tape was finished playing.

After almost a minute of silence, he finally said, “For 42 years, the person inside here (he pointed at his chest) was not that person (he pointed at the television monitor). Why didn’t I know all this early in my career?”

During our discussions, Tom came to understand that his relationships were purely functional; that his poor listening skills and unwillingness to admit fault or show vulnerability prevented others from considering him a resource. Perhaps even more significant, Tom realized that his own growth and career had been unnecessarily stunted by his poor relationship skills. He had done well in the company, but he could and should have done much better if he had put more effort in forming mutually beneficial relationships. Instead of being perceived as a resource of wisdom and knowledge and a leader who made a difference in many careers, he was seen as arrogant and intimidating, the opposite of what he wanted.

Not every client project has a storybook ending. This one did. Tom wanted to change for the better (a critical component of this book) and he began using the relationship principles you will learn here to encourage others to hold him accountable for results.

Even though Tom was at an age when people are often set in their ways, he was able to make changes in how he related to others, and that not only allowed other employees to benefit from his wisdom but also helped Tom become a much more valued member of the company.

I am confident that the stories, lessons, and techniques coveredhere will raise your awareness of how you relate to other business-peopleand provide you the tools to change. Most of us labor inblissful ignorance about the true effect we have on others.

SIMPLICITY CREATES SUSTAINABILITY

Each chapter of this book focuses on one key relationship principle: Offer honest and direct feedback, develop an acute sense of listening, get to know the complete person, and so on. Within each chapter, you’ll find exercises, checklists, and other tools to help you put these principles into practice. You’ll also find stories taken from my experiences as a consultant and coach of people who have learned how to create relationships that produce great results. Stories are important ways to learn, and they illuminate learning and understanding in ways that simple explanation does not.

HOW PEOPLE BEHAVE AND WHY THEY DON’T CHANGE

As a speaker, consultant, and coach, I have spent over 20 years working on a wide range of issues with my clients, but these issues usually boil down to this section’s heading. It doesn’t matter whether I’m called on to deal with dysfunctional teams, to coach a talented but flawed leader, to increase profit, or to improve productivity and morale; there is always a relationship issue. There may be other issues contributing to the problem, but relationships always play a large part in the cause of the problem . . . and in its solution.

Having worked with a variety of individuals from CEOs to new hires, at a wide range of organizations, from large companies such as General Motors, Prudential, American Express, and Turner Construction to smaller, entrepreneurial companies, I can assure you that it doesn’t make a difference what people’s titles are or where they work. Time after time, I see talented, smart individuals who need to change the way they relate to others to be more effective and successful, but they are unwilling to change.

That’s why I developed this relationships-for-results approach. I needed a method to help people change and teach them to form the types of partnering relationships where the sum is greater than the whole. Over time, I’ve developed and refined this method, creating the concepts and tools you’ll find here. Unique concepts, such as using the power of feedback to create stronger relationships will be explained. A coach can talk until he’s blue in the face trying to convince someone to change negative behaviors, but when that individual receives honest and continuous feedback, he is motivated to do things differently. In our earlier example, Tom went 42 years failing to establish a single partnering relationship, and it was only through the feedback device of our videotaped session that he “saw” the evidence that he needed to change.

The art of soliciting and using feedback will be discussed in detail. To maximize its impact on relationships, you need to know how to request feedback, who to request it from, and how to process what you hear.

Defensive reactions and denial make even the best feedback worthless. Similarly, if people aren’t being honest with you, what you hear can be counterproductive. When you obtain the right feedback from the right person and you’re open to whatever is said, you can leverage the information and insights in productive ways. It can help you make small but significant changes in how you interact with others, and it can create a bond between you and the feedback giver.

I have witnessed how important strong work relationships are and how they create bonds that generate trust, performance, and profit. As people learn to be honest and open with each other—as they stop being afraid of being vulnerable—trust naturally develops. Similarly, their performance improves because they’re not holding back ideas or critiques—they’re not afraid to suggest cutting-edge or controversial approaches or tell the other person that he or she may be doing something ineffectively. Invariably, these partnership relationships impact the bottom line because people are able to focus on team and organizational goals rather than be distracted by hidden agendas, personality conflicts, and other factors that diminish contributions to business goals.

I’m going to share the lessons I’ve learned from my relationship coaching and consulting work, providing you with dos and don’ts that will make it easier for you to establish and maintain results-producing relationships.

HOW THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU

Senior Manager to CEO

This results-focused guide is also relevant for people in leadership positions. Too often, executives, presidents, and CEOs retain a command-and-control mentality when it comes to their employees. Their ego and power cause them to rely too much on telling others what to do and not listening to what they need. (Although, many believe they listen regardless of what the empirical data from their troops may provide.)

Leaders are much more effective when they establish relationships that are equal in terms of knowledge exchanges, verbal support, listening, and joint accountabilities. While the need for someone to have ultimate power always creates a degree of inequality, relationships can still flourish if partnering exists on other levels without hierarchal authority.

I have included some examples and advice that pertains to people who are in positions of power as well as for those who are managing down. Nonetheless, the more challenging relationships to create and maintain are those where you are managing up, so the majority of my points are specific to these relationships.

Career Starters to Middle Managers

Many of you have enjoyed some success, but you want more. However, it’s likely you still experience frustration in both your relationships and career progress or opportunity. You know you have the talent to do better than you’ve done, but something has been holding you back. You believe if you could establish better relationships with people in positions of influence—or perhaps it’s just one person, a boss, a customer, or a top executive—your career might blossom.

Your reasoning is sound, though the relationship you have envisioned might not be the relationship that should be established. Just currying favor with someone in a position of authority will get you nowhere—at least from the perspective of long-term growth and career achievement. You can play politics and do favors for someone with clout, and you might receive some short-term benefits. Yet, if reciprocal benefits and foundational trust are not established, the relationships you seek with those of perceived influence will not be sustained.

You want deep, long-lasting, and mutual relationships. Form one, and it can make a difference in your performance and your career. Make a number of these relationships, and they will make a huge difference; that’s the very purpose of this book.

Much of my advice is about forming relationships with bosses, customers, clients, and other people of influence. You’ll see crucial insights and pragmatic behaviors that work for managing up at this point in your career.

Salespeople, Entrepreneurs, and Business Owners

The relationship partnering advice imparted in the following pages is applicable if you are trying to drive business toward your organization as an account representative in any sales business or as an entrepreneur who must rely on people for results. There are common denominators where you can and should attempt to form the same type of open, vulnerable relationships with your customers and clients that you establish with the people inside your organization.

If you use the tools that lead to higher trust, performance, and profit, you’ll achieve results through your relationships—better and faster than what you’ve currently accomplished, regardless of how successful you may already be.

Maybe you’re a salesperson who knows your product and your marketplace very well, you have a diligent work ethic, but you need to connect with your customers with a deeper level of trust to yield higher performance numbers.

Even though you’re an intelligent executive who manages your direct reports well with strong influence, do you lack confidence in your ability to manage the CEO or provide him or her candid feedback? Perhaps you’re a highly motivated small business owner, but you need to diversify your client base for a more balanced business model.

If you have a core belief that people in business are as or more important than the business process, then this book is for you.

THE BENEFITS APPROACH: HELPING YOU OWN YOUR RESULTS