Scars E-Book

Mayer Dale

• Herausgeber: Dale Mayer
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2015

Beschreibung

Some scars are visible…

Some scars are hidden…

The worst scars are buried deep inside…

Robin and Sean are existing in their private worlds. Hiding in plain sight, not really living, definitely not thriving. They both need to move forward… if they can.

Yet the price of success is pain as they confront issues that have plagued them for years. They’re so different, with such opposite problems. Yet they complement each other - or at least they will, if they can work through their issues and find each other.

This is a story of pain and sorrow, joy and success… and… love.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Cover

Title Page

About This Book

Complimentary Download

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Sneak Peek from Scales

Author’s Note

Complimentary Download

About the Author

Copyright Page

About This Book

Some scars are on the surface, others are in hiding, but the worst ones are buried so deep they refuse to be brought to the light…

Forced to deal with very deep and individual problems, Robin and Sean – strangers who are complete opposites – agree to an assisgnment that includes only the two of them and that initially seems radical and a little scary.

Separately, they’ve existed in private worlds, hiding in plain sight, not living and certainly not thriving. To move forward, they’ll have to confront issues that have plagued them for most of their lives. Despite their differences, they discover they complement each other, and, in finding themselves, they also find each other…

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Chapter 1

Robin Childers waited at the side of the small conference room, her stomach in knots, her palms sweating. She did that a lot these days. Wait. Wait for the days to pass. Wait for the months to pass. Wait for time between her surgeries to pass.

To the next surgery she didn’t want. Another surgery she had to have – or stay a freak that scared little children and caused horrified stares wherever she went.

Not the life she’d planned.

Not the life she’d imagined for herself.

Not the life she’d wanted.

But it was the life she was currently living. And that sucked.

Big time.

While watching the other participants enter, she had to acknowledge she wasn’t alone in not liking her life.

Everyone appeared to be walking to death row. Here because of outside influences, because other people wanted them to attend. Or maybe here because they understood that they needed to be – yet hating the necessity that forced them to take this step. And yet they still came. Because they needed this.

Everyone was here for whatever magic their instructor psychologist / therapist, Professor Jenna Komak, had to offer.

In other words, they were all desperate.

To heal. To ditch the ugly in their lives. To find a way to live a ‘normal’ life – whatever that meant.

It was an odd thing to realize that she’d signed up for this on her own. Empowering. No one had pressured her to come. No one had paid the heavy fees for her. One brave morning, she’d determined that this was the next step in her journey, and she’d taken it.

She’d even managed to stay positive right up until it was time to leave for the workshop. Then reality hit her. Not only was she going to a seminar to help her deal with a painful issue, she was going to have to leave the university campus where she lived and travel to a hotel in downtown Vancouver. Be out in public. Deal with strangers.

At least at the university, people were used to seeing her. They stared, but less and less as they became accustomed to her face. Yet to do this workshop, she’d have to leave her hidey hole and journey out there – a place she’d hidden from as hard and as long as she could.

It had been easy to push the anxiety into a small hole in her stomach as she dreamed of the promise of finally getting the help she needed. That hope had kept her going. Now that she’d arrived, her gut in knots, her palms sweaty just from the thought of what she was doing. Doubts plagued her.

Damn. She was an idiot. A masochist. Maybe she needed her head examined after all. Something Jenna was sure to do. And that was pretty scary. Robin had issues. Duh.

Sure, everyone did. One of hers – the big one – she wore for the entire world to see. All other issues stemmed from there. Although if she were honest and more self-aware, she could probably find issues from her past at the root of this, too. But she had no plans to do that. She was here to deal with a specific issue. Not to try and deal with them all. There were too many. They hurt too much.

No. If she could deal with one issue, then she could return to a more normal life. The rest of her issues would have to wait until later. Much later.

It was her reaction – and other people’s reactions to her face – that terrified her. And therein lay the problem.

She had to get over herself.

And that was a shitty deal.

Hating the inside shakiness threatening to take over the rest of her long frame, Robin turned to watch the other participants amble in to take their places. Her glance strayed past then caught on her friend Tania sitting silent at her side.

“Hey,” Tania said, nervously.

She was just as nervous, maybe more so, but just as determined as Robin to move on in life. Only Tania’s scars were inside. Hidden from the world. Private. She had the discretion to share on her time frame.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Robin asked her, studying her friend’s face in concern.

Tania shrugged. “I’m fine.”

Robin heard the tremor in Tania’s voice, and then there was likely a matching one in hers.

The two of them were a mess.

Just then, Dr. Jenna Komak walked in.

And the class tension eased back. That woman exuded a presence. Calm. Capable. Caring.

She knew them all individually and they all knew her. Everyone here had attended evening classes with her and had been vetted and approved to take this special workshop. Most of them were students from the same university. But not all. They were a mix of men and women.

Yet there was a common denominator – they were all damaged.

*

Sean Wilson slouched in the back of the room. Separate from the others. Like he’d always been. He still questioned his sister’s request. By rights, if he was here, Paris should be as well. And she’d wanted to come but had been refused, with a gentle suggestion to wait for another session a few months down the road. Maybe she’d be ready then.

Disappointed, Paris had then asked Sean to apply and if he got accepted, to scope it out for her. See if it would help her. He’d expected to be rejected even faster than Paris had been, so Sean had applied. And been accepted.

Paris had been overjoyed for him. Sean had been terrified. It was so not what he wanted. He didn’t want to listen to other people’s problems. He didn’t want to share his own. He’d done a lot already. Was studying psychology to help him understand more. But that was on his time frame. Not here. Not now. Not surrounded by strangers. Who would want this? But there was no backing out now. He wouldn’t be able to. Not and still face his sister.

Now he was here in the hotel, stuck, and likely to be spending a week in very uncomfortable situations trying to be polite in the group therapy sessions that rubbed him the wrong way. He’d been in those before. They were not fun.

He had no wish to have this prof dig around in his head. Regardless of the prof’s cool confidence in her ability to help everyone.

He barely stifled back a snort at that thought. Looking up, he realized several people were staring at him. So okay, he hadn’t been as silent as he thought he’d been.

“What?” he asked the Goth-looking woman in front of him, giving her his bland face – willing her to say something.

The woman raised an eyebrow then smirked as if seeing something he hadn’t expected her to see before turning away.

Damn right. He slouched back, stretched his long legs out in front of him and crossed his arms across his chest.

Sean had never backed down from a fight in his life. And had never apologized. He wasn’t about to start now. Maybe he’d have saved himself a lot of pain if he’d learned that lesson as a child. Then again, he’d never been a fast learner. Besides, Paris was and it hadn’t helped her any. She was the one that should be here. Damn. Why had Jenna thought Paris wasn’t ready? And yet Jenna thought Sean was?

Although he hadn’t come for help, or planned on being helped, there was room for it. His life was a mess of sleepless nights, bad nightmares during the few moments of shuteye he did get, followed by slow, dragging-his-ass days as he pulled himself through the daily requirements of being a human being on this planet.

Something he’d looked at cutting short a time or two. But not since becoming an adult.

And it was due to his sister that he hadn’t completed the job. He might not be worth saving – but she was. She’d needed him to get that job done.

At least that’s what he told himself. And none of it changed the fact that he was empty inside. Filled with pain and sorrow. He lived in the shadows. Alone. He looked normal to everyone else – calm as if he lived in the light.

Except there was no light in his soul. Just darkness.

And now he was in a seminar geared to drain some of that darkness away. But what if that darkness did disappear? And there was nothing left inside?

Chapter 2

Given that last night had been the introduction to the workshop, along with an overview of what would take place this week in general terms, Robin knew today would be a case of getting down to business.

Especially now. The morning break was already over. Now there was a sense of waiting. Expectation. She glanced over at Tania to see her gaze locked on Jenna’s face. They’d all hear about the special project Jenna had designed for each of them. That could go either way. Robin preferred to work alone. Although it would be fine to work with Tania, as she already understood Robin’s issues and she was one of the few who understood some of Tania’s.

Jenna had a stack of papers in front of her on a clipboard. Notes of some kind. Jenna didn’t waste any time welcoming the group back. As if understanding that Jenna had shifted gears, several people sat straight up.

Robin slid lower in her seat.

“All right. We’re going to start with the assignment that you will each do during the week.”

She listened as Jenna outlined a weeklong project everyone would have to complete during their stay here. As she heard the general details, Robin couldn’t help but feel a huge sense of relief inside. She lowered her gaze in case Jenna caught a glimpse of that look in her eyes. If Jenna saw, she’d change Robin’s assignment. No one was allowed to be too comfortable – not in a workshop like this.

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder what possible project she’d be called to do. School was easy for her, so a report didn’t worry her. The project would also help her get through the week. Something to focus on so she could ignore the others. If she had to, she could even present it to this class. After all, here they were all equals. And all broken.

“I understand there could be some resistance to the individual assignments.”

A ripple worked its way around the small seminar room.

A knowing smile slipped across Jenna’s beautiful face. “Given that, I suggest you remember why you are here. What you hope to get out of this week, and keep in mind that you all came to me and in everyone’s case…” she stopped to look each participant in the eye then continued, “I have evaluated your situation and came up with what I believe is the best way forward for each of you.” She smiled, her gaze whispering back across their faces. “So remember that when you hear what I have planned.”

Robin sat back and swallowed. Hard. Oh Lord. She wanted this to be a simple, school report type of project, but her gut said she wouldn’t be so lucky.

And she wasn’t.

“We’ll start with Sean,” Jenna said. “Please come to the back of the room with me and I can go over your assignment.” Jenna looked down at the document in her hand and nodded once. She glanced up and pinned Robin in place. “Robin, you too. You’ll be working with Sean.”

Ah hell. So much for working with Tania. Or for working alone. She glanced over at Sean. She’d recognized the look in his eye earlier. He didn’t want anything to do with this workshop. She had no idea why he was here, but it wasn’t to heal. But from the look of him, he needed to do that very badly.

*

Surprised to hear his name called first, Sean stood up and shoved his chair back out of the way. The beautiful professor motioned to the back of the room, presumably to discuss his project. Here went nothing.

Why was he here again? Still, it was just a project. He was already here, so what the hell. At least he’d be able to report back to Paris. He wondered what the project was. As he started weaving through the tables and chairs to the back of the room, he heard Jenna call out a second name as his partner. Partner? These were individual assignments – weren’t they? Had he missed something? He hoped so. Teamwork was something he did well at school, at work. In his personal life – not so much. Sure, this was a category altogether – but there was no doubt this was damn personal. He was a loner. And that was by choice.

As Robin walked past him, he remembered her from last night, where she’d spent the better part of the ‘getting to know everyone’ session sitting in a corner and making it plain she had no intention of getting to know anyone. He understood that. He felt the same way but so far this morning, her attitude hadn’t improved. If anything, from that slight curl of her lip, she’d taken a turn for the worse. She had stunning black hair that hung down straight over one side of her face so it appeared that she could only see half her world. Her hair was black and her skin cream, and it reminded him of a black and white personality.

Too bad for her.

Well, he could deal with whatever. This was only for a week. He’d tolerated much worse for much longer.

How hard could this be?

Chapter 3

Needing her air of indifference to hide the inner turmoil, Robin sat down at the chair that Jenna indicated and crossed her legs. She waited. Sean sauntered over like he didn’t give a damn. He probably didn’t. With his attitude, Robin had no idea why he was here in the first place. He was odd. Tall and slim with wide shoulders and slim hips. He was built for gentlemen suits and wore jeans with more holes than material. It was that cocky “screw you” look on his face that she couldn’t stop watching.

No one was that cynical naturally. Something bad had happened to him. It was the only reason for the aggressive front. And maybe he was afraid of it happening again. No, she studied the casual indifference as he flipped a long leg over the back of the chair to sit in the seat. No, it – whatever it was – would never happen to him again. That look on his face said he meant business. That curl of his lip – an almost dare you to try it again. That set of his shoulders almost waiting…he’d been hurt once, and he’d be damned if he’d allow that to happen again.

There’d be no repeats in Sean’s life. No second chances. She doubted he knew what the word forgiveness meant. Yet he was here. At this workshop.

“Robin?”

Robin jerked, realizing that both Sean and Jenna were staring at her as she’d stared blatantly at Sean. Color washed up her neck. Jenna’s look was curious. Sean however, his look was purely aggressive. Shit. She straightened, plastered an apologetic smile on her face, and rushed to say, “I’m sorry. My mind was just caught on other things.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sean’s lips slide in a downward smirk. He didn’t believe her. Knowing she’d be in for a very long week if they didn’t get off on the right foot, she gave him a real smile and apologized sincerely.

His gaze narrowed in surprise.

She turned her gaze back onto Jenna’s approving look and almost smiled again. Damn, she was going to turn into a real Girl Guide if she wasn’t careful. Still, she hadn’t meant to pry or be too inquisitive – not here. Everyone had secrets. And they were entitled to them.

Especially these people.

“It’s fine. I don’t mind if you look,” he said mockingly.

The insinuation in his face had her back stiffening and her shoulders going straight. She turned to face him head on. “Good, then I’ll look.”

She returned his look with a mocking one of her own, her gaze sweeping him from head to foot. Then she gave him a tight smile, watching as one of his eyebrows shot straight up. So he wasn’t used to people standing up for themselves. Especially women. Interesting. She filed that tidbit away.

“What do you see?” This time he seemed genuinely curious, not mocking.

She hesitated. She shouldn’t tell him. He was an unknown quality to her. Violence lurked under the surface.

“Go ahead,” he scoffed. “It’s not like you know anything about me.”

Still, Robin held back. She glanced over at Jenna to see her watching the exchange, a tiny smile playing at the corner of Jenna’s mouth. Damn. She wasn’t going to step in and help.

Screw it. He’d asked, so he might as well know. “I see a man who’s been so badly hurt he doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything – and especially not the world in general.”

Silence.

He leaned forward and studied her face, what he could see of it. She glared at him defiantly.

“I thought the head doctor sat in the other chair.” He snorted. “What are you, some kind of amateur hobbyist? You like to dig into people and see what makes them tick?”

“I like to watch people,” she said, holding the defensive note tight inside. “And there are a lot of people out there to watch.”

“Then watch them. Not me.” After delivering that short terse message, he sat back and stared at Jenna.

At least the attitude was gone. She turned to face Jenna. “So what is the assignment?”

Jenna rifled through her papers but as far as Robin could see, it was more a ruse to give the two of them time to calm down. As if. Robin waited impatiently for Jenna to reorganize the papers then pick up the top one.

“A friend of mine coordinates special programs,” Jenna said, peering over her paper at Robin as she added, “at a local hospital.”

Robin stiffened. Nothing like bringing up hospitals to push her buttons. Then Jenna would know that. Forcing herself to relax, she tried to stem the panic that was churning in her gut. If just the word hospital could do that to her…

“BC Children’s Hospital,” Jenna said.

Robin gasped. No, not a children’s hospital. Robin stared at Jenna in shock. She didn’t understand why her feet hadn’t already taken her the hell away from this room and from this woman. She didn’t dare plead with Jenna for a new project but damn it, she wanted to.

She couldn’t do children.

Not today. Not tomorrow. Never.

“Andrea has agreed to have you and Sean spend some time there so you can complete this report.”

Robin went numb inside. Everything shut down. She couldn’t hear Jenna’s words. She wouldn’t hear them. But the response tumbled from her lips. “You do understand that you are subjecting these children to a horrific sight – right?”

Jenna smiled. “Am I?

She didn’t dare look at Sean to gauge his reaction. Then again, he’d likely have no problem with this part.

It didn’t matter. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t do hospitals. She couldn’t do children.

Shuddering, she stood up and stumbled against her chair. She half-registered that Sean had leapt to his feet to help her but she managed to avoid him. Leave. Get away. That was all she could think about. She had to escape.

She reeled backwards, then seeing a space between the chair and the wall, she took it, bolting for her freedom. For a world that didn’t involve projects, hospitals…or children.

*

Sean turned back to look at Jenna. “Well, aren’t you going to go after her?”

Jenna smiled in that calm, serene way of hers. “No, I’ll wait for her to come back.”

“Come back?” He twisted around to look at the way Robin had raced out then turned back to glare at Jenna. “Why the hell would she?”

“Because it’s what she wants.” She lowered her head to read the documents in front of her.

Frustrated, Sean didn’t know what to do. He glanced around at the others but outside of the casual glance his way, no one appeared to have noticed Robin’s outburst.

“Why don’t I do the project on my own? You can come up with a different one for her.” Hell, he could do that easily. He didn’t necessarily like children, but he didn’t hate them. Not wanting to do something was not the same as being incapable.

All of a sudden he realized he was standing awkwardly in front of Jenna, trying to figure out what just happened. While he could empathize with Robin for Jenna pushing her buttons, she knew there’d be lots of that happening this week. She should have been prepared for it.

If anyone could prepare for sudden silent sabotage of one’s deepest fears…

Then again, he had to trust in Jenna. She’d had incredible results with her program. If she could help Robin – good. He didn’t trust anyone – particularly when it came to his head or heart.

And as long as Jenna stayed out of his head, she could do what she needed to do to help Robin. Because Robin obviously needed her. Although he’d suggest using something a lot less violent than the two-by-four Jenna had already hit her with.

The noise level in the room continued and somehow…the other participants managed to ignore what was happening in this corner…or were doing a good imitation of it. Likely it was a case of self-preservation as they’d be here themselves soon. He glanced around and caught a couple of people looking up, only to drop their gaze when he caught them staring at him, but he got that reaction a lot from people.

He stared down at his feet and considered his own actions. It seemed he’d acted out of character himself. He’d jumped to his feet to help Robin when he’d seen her distress, his hand out to her. He’d instinctively tried to go after her. Even now, he could barely stifle the urge.

And how did that work? Normally he wouldn’t have given a shit. He didn’t get involved in people’s lives. He hated drama. Except in the case of his sister.

For her, he’d do anything.

But Robin wasn’t his sister. She didn’t look or sound or act like her. So why the hell had he reacted? Or was it because Robin hurt like Paris hurt?

“Sean? Why don’t you sit down?”

He turned back to stare at his empty chair and then at Jenna. He really was standing there like a dolt in the middle of the room. He relaxed his hand, realizing for the first time that he’d been standing with clenched fists.

Shit.

Catching her concerned glance, he said, “I’m fine.” And threw himself into the chair to wait. If Jenna could sit there calmly, then so could he. He slumped lower in his chair, leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

This place was making him crazy already.

“I’m sorry.”

Robin’s soft voice hit him hard, the hurt in her tone making his stomach cramp. Her simple apology hit him harder. She said it easily, the words flowing off her lips. He had so little practice he doubted he could have done so well in these awkward circumstances.

He opened his eyes and rolled his head sideways to see Robin standing in front of him and Jenna – much as he had a moment ago with her hands clenched into fists. He stared at the long fingers, seeing the white-knuckled grip, and saw his sister in her yet again. That was so Paris. Take a hit, run away long enough to collect herself, then come back and face the music – or more often than not – take another hit. It both pissed him off and made him admire her. Something he didn’t want. He didn’t want to feel anything for anyone. Especially not others as screwed up as these people were.

Damn, he needed a shrink. And groaned. Look where the hell he was. He turned to watch Jenna.

Jenna smiled up at her gently. “That’s fine. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I only need another moment to finish the instructions.”

Robin sat down on the edge of her chair and listened quietly.

He gave Robin full points for demeanor. She appeared locked down but was holding on. He couldn’t have been so calm. A few moments later, he wasn’t calm at all.

Shocked, he listened to the rest of Jenna’s final instructions. “What are you talking about? I’m not going to sketch these kids.”

Hearing a strangled sound from beside him, he glanced over at Robin, remembering her earlier words to Jenna. Why would the kids be scared? What the hell was going on here? He hated knowing there were undercurrents he didn’t understand. He was only here for his sister’s sake. Hell, she was the one that should be here. Paris loved kids. She’d do fine with this project.

Him not so much. Good thing he didn’t give a damn. As his glance slid across Robin’s face, he thought he caught a glimpse of something, but he’d just missed it. His eyes drifted past then hit reverse.

And locked on Robin’s face. Was that a tear? Not that he could see much of her with hair covering most of her face. What the hell was going on here? His gaze switched from Jenna’s, which was full of compassion, to Robin’s, whose head was down as she stared at her feet. Her lower lip trembled, too.

Ah shit.