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Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: The Art of Kama Sutra
Where Does it Come From?
Sex and Beyond
Chapter 2: Benefits of Kama Sutra
Chapter 3: Trying Tantric Sex
Practice Makes Perfect
For Starters
Other Ways to Tantra
Tips and Tricks
The Importance of Reconnecting
Chapter 4: Getting Ready for Sex
Take It Slow
Just Say Yes
Morning Person
Fantasy
Get Some Sleep
Ask Questions
Talk To Your Doctor
Understand Her Cycle
Food
Kick Those Bad Habits
Role Playing
Chapter 5: Beginner Sex Tips
Chapter 6: A Massage to Get Ready
What Does Tantric Massage Mean?
Benefits of Tantric Massage
Getting Things Setup
Begin the Massage
Chapter 7: Getting Things Started
Physical Responses
Physiological Responses
Foreplay Means Something Different for Everyone
Chapter 8: The Secrets to a Great Massage
Three Important Areas of Erotic Massage
The Science of An Erotic Massage
Eroticism and Massage
Targeted Massage Combinations
Chapter 9: Trying Dirty Talk
Don’t Make It Complicated
Give Instructions
You Don’t Have to Go X-Rated
If Things Don’t Work Out, Talk About What Went Wrong
Try These Out
Chapter 10: Orgasm
Benefits of Orgasm
Types of Orgasm
The Female Orgasm
Multiple Orgasms
Chapter 11: Female Ejaculation
What Is It?
Squirting History
What Is the Fluid That Gets Ejaculated?
Chapter 12: Best Sex Positions for Him
Rock-a-Bye Booty
Passion Pretzel (Blooming Orchid)
The G-Force
Baby Got Back
Tub Tangle
Lap Dance
The Milk and Water Embrace
Torrid Tidal Wave
The Tug of Love
Life Raft
Brute
Piston
Missionary
Helicopter
Face to Face
Book Ends
Jellyfish
Hang Loose
Big Dipper
Reverse Missionary
Ballerina Sex Position
Screw
Stand and Carry
Bent Spoon
X Marks the Spot
Italian Chandelier
Down Stroke
Exposed Eagle
Bended Knee
Acrobat
Viennese Oyster
Crab
Bouncing Spoons
Side Ride
Deep Impact
Twister
See Saw
Intersection
Doggy Style
Sockets
Turtle
Lazy Wheelbarrow
Fire Hydrant
Chapter 13: Best Sex Positions for Her
Yab Yum
“Fitting On Of the Sock” or “The Rolling Tickle”
Congress of a Cow
Yawning
Tripod
Launch Pad
Coital Alignment Technique
Swan Sport
Upavitika
The Mastery
Pearly Gates
Pretzel
The Wheel Barrow
The Bodyguard
Asian Cowgirl
Irish Garden
The Amazon
Pump
Superwoman
Bull Dog
Legs on Shoulder
Prison Style
Burning Man
Praying Mantis
Betty Rocker
Thigh Tide
Fast Fuck
Jughead
Man Missionary
Chapter 14: Best Sex Positions To Bring Couples Closer
Lotus Blossom
Spooning 69
Breakfast Spoons
The Hound
Face-to-Face Standing
Drill
Teaspooning
Sofa Spooning
The Mermaid
The Sofa Spread-Eagle
Chapter 15: Increasing Male Orgasmic Control
Muscle Strength
Edging
Stop Masturbating
Deep Breathing
Use the Brain
Keep Your Feet Warm
Sex Positions to Sustain an Erection
Chapter 16: Pregnancy Sex Positions
Chapter 17: Oral Sex Positions
Spiderman
Sidecar
Leg Up
Deep V
Cliff Hanger
Sofa So Good
Doggy Does Oral
Hail the Queen
Corkscrew
Fake Deep Throat
Peace Out
Swiper
Supersize Me
Constellation
Saddle Straddle
Live Show
Deep-Sea Diver
Butterball
Shark Fin
Chapter 18: How to Have Better Sex
Conclusion
Introduction
First off, I would like to thank you for choosing this book, and I hope that you find it informative and helpful no matter what your needs may be. Congratulations on taking these first steps in improving your sex life. This can be a hard topic for some people, but we are here to strip away all of those awkward feelings about sex. Here, we will celebrate sex as something natural. The goal of the book is to help people improve their sex lives because sex should be something that helps bring couples closer and to improve their overall wellbeing. Sex should not be done only for procreation.
This book will walk you through all of the various aspects of sex and foreplay. The first thing we are going to go over is kama sutra and tantric sex and the benefits of practicing them. These are two common topics that get discussed in the world of sex, but so many people don’t actually know what they are or what they even mean. They are not both the same, as you will soon find out, and they will bring something a bit different into your sex life.
Besides that, we are also going to go over how to get your body and mind ready for sex. One of the most common issues people have when it comes to unsatisfactory sex is that they aren’t able to get out of their own head enough to really enjoy what is happening. With the right preparation, this doesn’t have to be a problem.
Then we will look at some tips that can help out those who may not have all that much experience in sex. Everybody has to begin somewhere, and there is no need to feel ashamed.
After that, the next couple of chapters are going to go over the various ways that can get you and your partner ready for sex. We will go over some tantric massage techniques, preliminary games, dirty talk, and other secrets of a good couples massage. These tend to be things that people like to avoid because they are afraid of messing them up, which makes sense, but you won’t have to worry about that anymore after you have read this book.
Next, we will go over the orgasm. This is the main goal that everybody is aiming for when having sex, right? So why shouldn’t we discuss it and what it means and how to improve your chances of having multiple orgasms? This will naturally bring us into our next subject, female ejaculation. This has been seen as the lost unicorn in the sex world, but we are going to dispel the myths that you may have heard and explain to you exactly what it is.
Then we will move into specific sex positions for you to try. First, we will go over the best sex positions for him, then the best positions for her, and then the best positions to bring both of your closer.
After that, we will look at some exercises that men can use in order to increase their orgasmic control. This is a common issue that men can run into, and it does not mean that they have anything wrong with them. With these exercises, men can learn how to control their orgasms so that they are able to last long enough to please their partner.
Then we will go over the best sex positions to use when your partner is pregnant. Sex during pregnancy is often seen as impossible or tricky, but there are positions out there that can make sex during pregnancy easy. After that, we will go over the best sex positions for oral. Oral sex is often forgotten about, but it can make things more interesting.
Lastly, we will wrap everything up with talking about things that you can do to improve your sex life. While the goal of the entire book is to improve your sex life, these exercises can be used in addition to everything else that we will talk about.
Making a choice to not be stuck in the same monotonous sex every night is a big decision. Having amazing sex should not be a mystery, and with this book, it no longer will be.
Before we begin, I would like to ask that if you find any part of this book helpful and informative, please rate and leave it a review.
Chapter 1: The Art of Kama Sutra
For many people, when they hear the words “Kama Sutra,” they automatically see some contortionist sex positions. They think it requires positions that use acrobatics, yoga, and maybe even some primeval pornography. This is only partly true.
The Kama Sutra actually covers much more than what people in the Western world see. To simply say that it is just a book full of spicy sex positions is providing this ancient, sacred Hindu text a disservice.
Kama Sutra isn’t something that magically turns everyday sex into sacred lovemaking. That part is only like 20 percent of what it is about. Real, sacred lovemaking is mainly about a deep connection and spirit, which is the reason why the sex positions of the Kama Sutra only take up about 20 percent of the text. The rest of it helps to guide you through the art of love. Kama Sutra also helps you with things like:
Etiquette
Family life
Balancing your masculine and feminine energies in yourself and in the partnership
The philosophy and nature of love
Proper grooming
What triggers and sustains desire
Self-care
The practice of different arts like poetry, cooking, and mixing
Many other non-sexual, pleasure-oriented facets of life
It helps you to live a good life and not simply how to have amazing contortionist sex.
Kama Sutra, which is also written as Kamasutra, is a Sanskrit word made of two words, “kama” and “sutra.” Both words have different meanings, but when they are combined, the meaning makes up the premise of what Kamasutra is all about.
“Kama” in Sanskrit translates to “desire,” and includes both the aesthetic and sensual desires. However, when it comes to Kamasutra, it places emphasis on sensual desire. In the majority of world religions, a person’s sexual desire is viewed as taboo.
However, within Hinduism, “kama” is one of the “four goals of Hindu life.” Their four goals of life include, “kama,” “artha,” meaning success and abundance, “dharma,” meaning truth and virtue, and “moksha,” meaning release.
In Sanskrit, “sutra” means thread or line, but in the sense of Kama Sutra, it is talking about a thread of verses that create a manual.
Where Does it Come From?
Kama Sutra comes from the ancient Hindu book called the Kama Sutra that was written by the Indian philosopher Vatsyayana Mallanaga between 400 to 200 BCE. What is interesting is that Vatsyayana said that he was a celibate monk. He also said that bringing together all of this sexual wisdom was the contemplation of deity and a form of meditation.
Vatsyayana wasn’t the teacher of this wisdom but simply composed the Kama Sutra from a book that was written much earlier, in the seventh century, called Kamashastra, or Rules of Love. This other book is a lot larger, but it also looked at the love-customs and partner compatibility of Northern India.
The Kama Sutra was written in a difficult and complex form of Sanskrit. Even when it was translated to English, the ideas still come off as a bit abstract to the modern reader. Thanks to Bhagwan Lal Indraji and Sir Richard Francis Burton, we can look at the complex translation from the Kama Sutra. This excerpt is about the different varieties of moaning that take place during lovemaking:
“The whimper, the groan, the babble, the wail, the sigh, the shriek, the sob, and words with meaning, such as ‘mother, ‘stop,’ ‘let go,’ or ‘enough.’ Cries like those of doves, cuckoos, green pigeons, parrots, bees, moorhens, geese, ducks, and quails are important options for use in moaning.”
Not exactly what you would think of when it comes to moaning, is it? Luckily, people have studied it more and more translations have been written that make it easier to understand.
Sex and Beyond
As stated above, Kama Sutra isn’t just about sex. For example, a large part of Kama Sutra is about flirting and courtship. It states that if a man wants to attract a woman, he should hold a party and ask his guests to recite poetry. When the poetry is read, people should leave out certain parts, and then the guests compete to complete the poem. It also suggests that the man and woman should play together, meaning they should do things together like swimming.
Kama Sutra also focuses a lot on dating with the aim of getting married. Finding your ideal partner involves making sure that you possess the same qualities that you would like your partner to have.
When it does come to sex and intimacy, Kama Sutra also includes the nonsexual aspects. There are eight categories of embrace. The first four are expressive of mutual love, and the other four are to increase pleasure during intimacy and foreplay.
Touching Embrace
This helps a man and woman get acquainted, develop the hots for one another, and the man feels passion fire up so that he starts looking for an excuse to get closer with the purpose of brushing his body against her.
Piercing Embrace
The piercing embrace happens when a part of the man touches the woman’s private parts, such as her breasts, without a known intention, but as an accident. But because of the touch, the man feels an instant sexual urge to grab her breasts when secluded or in the dark.
Rubbing Embrace
When a couple passes each other in the dark or down a lonely alley, or even in public, they realize their sexual attraction towards one another, so they make a point or rubbing their bodies against one another because of their desire to feel each other up.
Pressing Embrace
The rubbing can move to something else that is guided by intense arousal. This happens when one person pushes the other against a wall and presses their body tightly against the other to bring them closer so that they can feel their partner’s intimate parts.
Twining of a Creeper (Jataveshtikaka)
This embrace occurs when a woman clings to her man in the way that a creeper twines around a strong plant that stands tall and steady. She then pulls the man’s head towards her so that she can kiss him, while intently staring deep into his eyes.
Climbing a Tree (Vrikshadhirudhaka)
This embrace occurs when a woman places a hand around his shoulder, reaching to touch the back of his other shoulder. One of her feet is placed on his thighs, and the other foot is on his feet, just like she was getting ready to climb a tree. These moves show that she wants a kiss from him.
Mixture of Sesame Seed with Rice (Tila Tandulaka)
You know what it is like to be laying down and to be spooned or to spoon your partner? This is what this embrace is like. Whether you choose to lay face to face or front to back, you both need to be laying next to one another and have your legs and arms entwined.
Milk and Water Embrace (Kshiraniraka)
The act of sex is imminent; you become vulnerable to your partner. This is the type of embrace that happens with a sexual union when two bodies are pressed against one another as tightly as you can like you are entering into one another. The woman should be sitting on his lap, facing him, so that they can feel each other up in the best way possible, enjoying whatever sensations happen.
Besides embracing one another, Kama Sutra also covers kissing. The Kama Sutra actually has 26 forms of kisses that range from kisses to showing affection and respect, to those that are used during sex and foreplay. The best kiss for sexual partners is one that based on being aware of the emotional state of your partner when you two are not having sex.
Other aspects of intimacy and foreplay include mutual massages, rubbing, biting, pinching, and using the hands and fingers to stimulate each other, as well as many different forms of cunnilingus and fellatio.
Kama Sutra is also inclusive of same-sex relationships, as well as sex “games” like group sex and BDSM.
Chapter 2: Benefits of Kama Sutra
Everybody understands that changing up sex positions and trying new things is good for their sex life. Even still, people choose to stick with what they are used to for one reason or the other. Let’s take a moment to look at the benefits of trying new things in bed, specifically Kama Sutra.
Different Perspective
When you change up your sex positions, you are also changing your perspective in bed. You get to see new areas of your partner’s body and experience different types of stimulation.
This is a very important thing for men because their eyes are the second most important zone to his penis. Women love with their ears, but men love with their eyes. Men have visual sex, which is why they are more likely to watch porn. When they get to see something new that is also exciting, it only makes the sex that much better.
For example, in missionary, you only see each other’s faces, but if you move to doggy style, he gets a perfect view of her rear end. The same is true if the woman gets on top. They get a nice view of each other’s chest.
Tone The Organism
In Eastern medicine, there is a notion that all parts of the organs and body are connected, and each part can be influenced by another part. Genitals of men and women have many representative areas of every vital organ within the body. During sex, and in various sexual positions, these parts are stimulated. This means that you can be helping other areas of your body when you are having sex.
Different Sensations
In all the sexual positions that we will talk about in later chapters, the penis will touch a different area of the vagina and enters at varying depths. This changes how sex feels for him and her. For women, they are all different. They feel different things even if they are stimulated in the exact same spot. For men, they feel pretty much the same thing all the time.
Help Women Reach an Orgasm
The worst thing for a woman is not reaching orgasm during sex. Every woman is unique in what she needs in order to climax, so trying out new things in bed can help her to get exactly what she wants.
Why would you risk your relationship when all you need to do is change up your positions so that she actually has an orgasm? It is important for men to understand exactly how their partner’s body works so that they know what she needs.
Boost In Confidence
Simply following Kama Sutra can help boost a person’s self-confidence. The actual Kamasutra book provides tips on how to boost a person’s confidence and guides you to help make your personality magnetic.
Chapter 3: Trying Tantric Sex
Tantric sex is probably one of the best things to try out if you want to achieve the biggest orgasm of your life. If you don’t believe me, then continue reading, If you do believe me and want to learn how, then continue reading.
Tantric sex is a Hindu practice that dates back more than 5,000 years ago. The word tantra is Sanskrit means “woven together.” Buddhist and Hindu meditation practitioners often use the union of tantra as a way to help weave together the spiritual and physical, which also weaves women to men, and the Divine to humanity. The main purpose of the practice is to become one with God. The way that the Western achieves this is by teaching people to have slow intercourse without reaching orgasm.
Couples who have chosen to try tantric sex say that they reached more pleasure and have experienced a sense of “becoming one with each other” that is very loving and profound. The main goal of this sexual practice is to be enlightened and not trying to win a gold medal for gymnastics of the carnal type. If this comes off as a bit confusing, this of it this way. If having a quickie is the sexual equivalent of take out, tantric sex is the Michelin-starred meal, lovingly and slowly prepared and more delicious thanks to the wait.
Practice Makes Perfect
You will start things out by facing each other and looking deep within your partner’s eyes. Your clothes should remain on while doing this. Remain focused only on the other person’s eyes. This is going to help keep the two of you intimate. Some people have said that to keep the tension down during this act is to switch up which eye you are looking at, but some consider this to be cheating the practice. Your eyes are the windows to your soul. The point of this act is that the two of you are gazing into each other’s souls.
Check in with your breathing. Yes, you could be breathing wrong during this practice. You should try to get your breathing synchronized with your partners. You both should be breathing in at the same time and then breathing out at the same time. Then you will transition into what is known as breath exchange. You will breathe in as your partner breathes out, and then you will breathe out when they breathe in. This is meant to mimic you breathing into each other. This should be practiced for about ten minutes before moving on.
For Starters
To transition this into tantric sex, you will do the same thing described above but without any clothes on. You are going to sit in your partner’s lap, facing them. Next, you will wrap your legs around their waist and start to practice your breath exchange. Now you will start to caress and kiss each other. After some time, penetration can take place, and the two of you can start very slow intercourse. Make sure that you continue to caress and kiss one another. Your eye contact should be maintained through all of this.
Now things get to get a bit more interesting. Once the two of you get more proficient, you could actually build the ability to have longer orgasms. For men and women alike, this is a different way of having multiple orgasms. This will make you remain at the top of your pleasure without actually having an orgasm. You will get to enjoy all of the same feelings as having an orgasm, but it can help you last for several minutes, or even hours, without ever having a regular orgasm. This is able to create an emotional merging, as well as profound sex. There are some women who have been able to have an orgasm while doing specific exercises.
Other Ways to Tantra
What we have gone over is only one way to perform tantric sex. The good news is, tantric sex isn’t really goal oriented, so there isn’t a right or wrong way to do it. The trick of tantra is to take your mind off of the orgasm and focusing on making foreplay more enjoyable and rewarding until you are both ready to reach its natural end. This is often easier said than done, so in order to delay orgasm, tantric experts offer different methods such as massage, breath control, and meditative techniques.
The first thing you can do is to start by turning down the lights and shutting out the world around you. Loosen up your body. Tantra focuses on moving the energy through your body, so you should shake your limbs vigorously to help energize and unblock your body before you get started.
You may also want to stay off of the bed. Sometimes getting onto the bed will trigger your sleep button, which means that you two will choose to have a quick romp instead of a deep connection and loving sex, which is the goal of tantra.
You can try to lay down with your partner on the floor, with some blankets and pillows to make it more comfortable, and slowly start to touch one another. Take your time to leisurely make your way across their body.
Start experimenting with different types of touches, such as gentle strokes, light feathery touches, and firm massages. The aim of this is to heighten each other’s senses in a slow and intense way so that you can build each other to a peak but not taking each other all the way. When done the right way, this is able to prolong the sex and your pleasure for hours.
If you start to find that your mind is wandering, refocus yourself on your breaths. Practice the breath exchange that was discussed earlier. This will help to keep your both focused and bring you closer together.
Above all else, don’t give up. The first time you try this, don’t be surprised if you don’t last more than ten minutes or so. Try again. Tantric sex is going to take some time to get the grip of because we have all become used to our western way of sex. This means that we all expect sex to have an obvious beginning, middle, and end.
Tips and Tricks
Tantra isn’t a one-size-fits-all practice. There are different things you can do to improve your practice and to make it more satisfying and unique.
You don’t have to get naked. You can begin things while clothed, and you can remain clothed, or you can choose to remove all of your clothing. The important thing is to do whatever feels comfortable for both of you. This will look very different for everybody.
Focus on your breathing. Deep breathing is a very important part of tantric sex. When you focus on your breath, it gives you the chance to be present in the moment and to fully immerse yourself in the experience.
Use all of your senses. Light a few scented candles. Play some sensual, soft music. Slowly touch your partner. Start into one another’s eyes. Savor the taste of the kiss. Engage every sense during your tantric practice, and this will help you to feel every ounce of pleasure more fully.
Go at things slowly. An important part of tantra is to learn how to feel and experience things on a deeper level. The best way to achieve this is to go slowly. You shouldn’t rush tantra. Instead, you need to relax your mind and enjoy every second.
Explore everything area of your partner’s body. Stroke you hands slowly over their body. Use your tongue to explore their mouth as you kiss. You can also gently glide your lips up and down their chest. Let them do the same thing to you.
You can experiment with things as well. For example, kink and BDSM often incorporate tantric ideas. When you are practicing tantra, there is no rule that says you have to stick to traditional practices. You can think outside of the box.
There is no need to go full tantra. You can add in elements of tantric practices into your bedroom game. This could mean meditation as part of foreplay or focusing more on your deep breathing to help slow things down.
The Importance of Reconnecting
With our lives constantly being over-scheduled, we don’t make sure that we take the time to stop and stay focused on our partners. Couples have come to realize that a normal monogamous relationship isn’t working for them anymore. There are some couples who decide to have an open relationship for this reason alone. Performing tantric sex is a way to enhance your sexual pleasures and the relationship in several different ways. First, when you emphasize the breath, it helps to connect both of you on a more intimate and deeper level. This alone is able to help open your heart up to being more forgiving, loving, and closer to your sexual partner.
Second, since tantric sex is performed at such a slow pace, this will give you the chance to see how sensual your mind and body can be. Being able to enjoy sex for an hour or more is equivalent to turning a single taco from a fast-food restaurant into a Mexican feast. Either one is going to take care of your hunger, but that feast is going to provide you with more pleasure, satisfaction, and delight.
Last but certainly not least, you may not enjoy the thoughts of not having an orgasm, but his can help both of you create connectedness and ecstasy beyond the normal orgasm.
Chapter 4: Getting Ready for Sex
The secret to an invigorating sex life lies within the mind. Do you remember when sex seemed like a seven-course feast? You didn’t know what was coming next, every mouthful made you tingle from head to toe, and once you reached the end of it, you felt content and satisfied. Nowadays, it seems like a bowl of cereal; convenient, quick, and fills a gap, but it’s not something you would want to have every single day.
In order to get great sex back, you need to put it on the brain. When you make sure that you turn your brain on before you have sex, it will trigger your libido. Let’s take a moment to look at some ways to get your mind ready for sex.
Take It Slow
How come a man can go from watching a slasher film to hopping into bed and instantly feeling horny, but a woman hops into bed and starts to think about everything they have to do the next day? The female brain and the male brain work differently. A woman’s brain works by multitasking, but a man’s brain typically focuses on one thing at a time.
Studies have found that a woman needs a transition time of 10 to 30 minutes between activities. That means that if you want to have sex before going to sleep at night, turn off the television and take some time before jumping into bed. During this time, you could have a warm aromatherapy bath or a massage to help put one another in the mood. The best scents for arousal are sandalwood, bergamot, chamomile, or lemon.
Just Say Yes
For some, having sex can be like having to go to the gym. Their body and mind start to rebel against is, but once they do it, they feel great. Standard wisdom has said, for a woman, the sexual cycle goes from desire to arousal, to orgasm. There has been new research that has found that women who are in long-term relationships will experience desire after they become aroused. That means, sometimes, you simply have to be receptive to your partner’s touch instead of giving in to the voice that’s telling you to go to sleep.
When you give into that touch, your brain will start to focus on pleasures that follow and will then increase the blood flow to the right areas. Even if all you have is a quickie and you don’t orgasm, the biochemicals released during sex are still released, which will help you to want to have more sex, more often.
There are ways for women to help get themselves aroused instead of waiting on their partners to initiate. You can start by tensing your pelvic floor muscles. All of these muscles support your pelvic floor, as well as your genitals, and helps to stimulate the arousal process.
Morning Person
While most people think about having sex right before bed, mornings are actually the best time for sex. This is the time of day when your body has produced more sex hormones, such as testosterone. If setting aside time in the morning to have sex is out of the question, you should still use those early-morning hormones to help get your mind ready for a night of passion. Simply thinking about sex during the day can often be enough to make you want it.
That means, instead of just giving your partner a peck goodbye, take some time to look deep into their eyes and then give them a long lingering kiss. Wrap things up by whispering, “Our room, 10 pm.” This will not just leave your partner anticipating the night to come, but it will also turn you on.
Getting the mind ready is only part of getting ready for sex. You also want to make sure that your body is ready as well.
Fantasy
You can also use your mind to help trigger your desire for your partner. There is a simple exercise you can do for this. You and your partner sit across from one another, hold hands, and then stare into one another’s eyes. Don’t say a word, but both of you should start to think about the last time that you had sex and really enjoyed it. This helps to create a connection between the mind and body. It works a lot like how you shiver when you recall a scary experience. When focusing on all the little sexy details, it will ignite your body and turn you on. You will also get to see the arousal on your partner’s face.
Get Some Sleep
There is nothing worse than falling asleep before sex. One of the main reasons why new parents lose their sex lives is that they are too tired. Sex just doesn’t sound good when you haven’t had enough sleep. If you have noticed that you are too tired to get intimate, you need to make sure that you make sleep a priority. Make sure that you are getting the recommended seven to nine hours each night. To improve your sleep, you should make sure all devices are turned off.
Ask Questions
One of the most common reasons why you may be turning your partner down is out of boredom. This boredom doesn’t have to do with just positions. You also have to rediscover what you both want. You should always ask questions, like: “Do you like it when I do this?” This will help you to feel more comfortable and confident when it comes to asking for what you want. You should also feel comfortable looking outside of your own bedroom for new inspiration.
Talk To Your Doctor
This tends to apply more for women, but men, feel free to talk to your doctor if you haven’t been experiencing any sexual desire. For women, you should speak with your gynecologist if you have noticed that you have been having a hard time getting turned on for your partner. There are medical reasons that could cause this. Depression, menopause, hormonal imbalance, and some medications can impact your libido. Fortunately, topical and oral medications, lubricants, and hormone therapy can help get your mojo back. You should never feel embarrassed to talk to your doctor about this, that have heard everything.
Understand Her Cycle
Women are influenced by their cycle. They will find sex more enjoyable at different times of their cycle. From day one to 14, women produce more testosterone, which means it is easier to get turned on and reach climax. Women also experience a surge in libido during days 24 to 28 because of the nerve endings that are stimulated by the thickening of the uterine lining.
Food
We know a healthy diet is important for a long and healthy life, but the foods you eat can also affect your libido. Foods like honey, peanut butter, and bananas contain vitamin B, which naturally boosts your libido. Celery contains androsterone, which can help aid in female attraction. There are a lot of other foods out there that act as natural aphrodisiacs as well.
Kick Those Bad Habits
There are already plenty of reasons to stop smoking, but I’ve got one more for you. Smoking can actually hurt your sex life. Cigarettes narrow the blood vessels, and this makes it harder for the blood to flow to the genital region, which is very important for both men and women when it comes to sexual stimulation. You should also make sure that you don’t drink too much. Too much alcohol will act as a depressant and decrease your libido.
If you make sure that you follow at least some of these tips before you have sex, your mind and body will be ready, and one won’t let the other down.
Role Playing
Have you ever felt like you would want to be somebody different behind closed doors? Have you ever felt the need to change up the power dynamics in your relationship? Have you found yourself fantasizing about being a robber, schoolteacher, or police officer? Does it make you feel like you’re gross or weird to feel that way?
It shouldn’t. Roleplay within a relationship is actually very healthy. In spite of what you might have been told growing up or what might have been said on early morning bad cable shows, sex isn’t something that is dirty, and role-play isn’t a sinister act that only deviants and sinners indulge in.
Role-play is a healthy practice for couples, married, or otherwise, that can help you to improve and strengthen your connection with your partner. The desire to pretend to be somebody else doesn’t have anything to do with dissatisfaction with your partner or sex life. It has to do with safety and trust.
Role-playing is simply the act of acting out your or your partner’s fantasies, and this act of playing out fantasies often happens when you feel secure and safe in your relationship. Role-playing is a great indicator of feeling physically and emotionally safe with your partner.
Role-play has the ability to be a healing experience and can help to strengthen the relationship of the individual. It is a great way to express your desires or yourself. While movies and porn may make you think that women and men already have their fantasy roles laid out, that isn’t necessarily the case in reality.
For example, if you are the woman in a heterosexual couple and your boyfriend is a high-powered financial analyst, and he wants you to spank him and treat him as a “bad boy,” he could be hinting that he doesn’t always need to be in control. The two different roles, the submissive and the dominant character in this type of sexual exploration, can change the bonds between people. It can enliven, deepen, and strengthen the relationships, whether you switch between a submissive and dominant role or remain static.
The fantasies you have are a lot more common than you believe. There are three common fantasies:
Public or spontaneous sex
Bisexual fantasies
Dominant and submissive
Chances are, you have had one of these fantasies before.
For the dom and sub fantasies, it gives you the chance to have an unequal power distribution in a controlled and safe situation. It gives you the chance to release your inhibitions and to be taken over by pleasure, and either have a gain or loss of control.
Humans have a subcortical circuit for submission and dominance. The majority of us will display these two sides several times throughout the day. A partner who would like to be dominant might have, or currently, feels weak and helpless during certain points of their life and benefits from getting to feel as if they are in control in a certain area.
With a bisexual fantasy, simply wanting to role play in a bisexual role, doesn’t mean that you actually have homosexual tendencies. This, in no way, means that everybody is bisexual, but a lot of people have experienced sexual interest towards a person of the same gender.
With a spontaneous fantasy, it is one of the “just can’t wait to have you” type of things. This is something that we have all heard about and thought about, if not, we’ve given it a try. The thought of having sex in a public setting can be quite invigorating because of the danger behind it.
There is no need to be afraid of the idea of foreplay. It does not mean that you feel unhappy in your relationship, and it doesn’t mean that you think your current sex life is boring. Simply wanting to be another person during sex doesn’t mean you are going to hurt your relationship and the life that you both have outside of the bedroom.
The key to having a healthy and successful role-play is trust. Without trust, boundaries may end up being crossed, and your lines can be destroyed. It is all about having mutual respect and a good understanding that this is simply an exploration of fantasies, and the most important element of it all is consent.
Through this act of self-expression, there is an opportunity for validation and acceptance from your partner, which can lead to an intimate and emotional connection. The lowered inhibitions and sexual confidence that is needed when you role play can only be reached through safety and trust in your relationship.
If you are able to engage in role-playing with confidence, you aren’t being some sexual pariah. Instead, you are proving that you have faith in your lover and partnership with them. If you can comfortably open yourself up to that level of vulnerability, you are reaffirming your connection.
Roleplay equals communication. When you are in tune with your sexual self, you are traveling an enlightened path. You want to feel relaxed enough in your relationship to feel like you can ask your partner for whatever it is that you want without feeling shameful.
In order to have good communication, you have to be in tune with yourself. Having a good understanding of what you desire and being aware of the level of openness and comfort you have to act out that desire is going to help you talk to your partner. If you have a solid relationship, then this communication should be fluid. So what should you do if you think role playing is for you? Here is where you need to start.
Think About What Your Fantasies Are
First, you each need to figure out what you want. In your head, what turns you on? Is it a teacher you had in college? Maybe you have always wanted a massage therapist to take things a step further. You may have even fantasized about being your favorite book character. Your only limit is your imagination. Think about any type of scenario that turns you on, even if it is something as simple as a first date with a person you have lusted over. Your dirty thoughts are the best inspiration for role-playing games.
Talk About It
There are some fantasies that can happen spur of the moment, like pretending to meet them for the first time. Others are going to need some prep work. If it is something really kinky that involves whips, leather, or some type of costume, you are going to have to give your other half a heads-up.
You can start things off by saying, “I can’t stop fantasizing about...” Then you can gauge their interest in it. If you notice they perk up a little or get into it, then you can take things to the next level.
Be Kinky or Not
There are some fantasies that are all about power, such as officer and criminal, or student and teacher. One of you is going to have to have power over the other in some way. This is a great way to explore a power exchange dynamic in a playful way. But not every scenario is going to have the power play. Pretending to pick them up in a bar, or acting as if you are on a blind date gives you the chance to be somebody that you don’t think you are, such as overtly sexual, aggressive, or bold.
Start Slow
For some, role playing is going to feel silly. You may feel uncomfortable or awkward “playing pretend,” even if it is something that turns you on. This is why it is best to begin slowly and with something small. You may try sexting about your fantasy at first. This gives you the chance to be imaginative without having to look at the other person or speaking. For some, this is all they want or need. For others, after they get comfortable with typing things, it is going to be easy to say their “lines” as the scene plays out.
Dress Up or Not
Imagination is extremely powerful, so costumes aren’t always needed. If you aren’t interested in buying costumes and the like, then skip it. But if the act of dressing up helps you get into your role, then go for it. If you aren’t sure if you need the costume or not, try it with the costume and without to see which way you prefer.
There are a lot of places to buy costumes online. There are adult stores that you can buy things from, and you can also try Halloween stores, especially when they have their sales after Halloween has passed. You may even find some things in your closet that will work.
What Do I Say?
The first few things that you say as your character may seem silly or awkward, and that is okay. This is something new, and nobody expects you to be perfect when you first start out. It is okay to fumble and laugh. If the fantasy has a strong connection for you and your partner, then the words will come and you can follow each other’s lead.
You might know how you would like things to end. If you do, you need to tell your partner. But you might also want to be surprised; in which case you should imagine what your character would say and go with it. There isn’t a critic in your house that is going to tell you what you should and should not do. If the role play ends with both of you naked, sweaty, and satisfied, then you have done well.
Chapter 5: Beginner Sex Tips
If you took the time to compare your sex life to today’s dating scene, you might think your sex life is blander than mashed potatoes. That said, you should never get “wild” just because that is what everybody on TV is doing. Research has found that spontaneity and openness are able to lead to a longer-lasting relationship. Don’t let other people mess with your mind.
After you have gotten used to talking candidly about sex with your significant other about what you want to try out and what you don’t, it will become a lot easier to do in the future. A lot of people prefer to have a partner who feels empowered. This is going to help you to build respect and improve communication between the two of you. So, for those of you who are still new to improving your sex life, or haven’t really gotten started with your sex life, let’s go over some tips on how you can make some changes.
Casually Mention It
Every sex expert out there will tell you that if you are having problems talking with your significant other about your sex life, you can let a song, erotic book, or movie provide you with inspiration. The conversation can easily be started with, “I saw this movie,” or “I read an article about...” After that, you can let the conversation naturally continue.
Don’t Be Afraid to Be The Initiator
If your partner is normally the one that initiates sex, change things up a bit by showing them how much they excite you and flip the switch so that you can get things started. Everybody loves to feel as if their partner can’t resist them.
Practice Some Non-Sexual Touch
While this may have more to do with putting in some work when you aren’t having sex, it can end up leading to an overall better sex life. You shouldn’t reserve touching for solely when you are naked. Find a way to add in some hand holding, back rubs, hair stroking, and any other non-sexual touching that will encourage you and your partner to show affection for each other. You will learn more about each others’ bodies in a way that is a lot deeper than simply have sex.
Toys
If you would like to experiment with some toys, begin with simple ones. The easiest one to try is a vibrating ring. They fit over the penis and can be used with a condom. Most guys like these because, well, they vibrate of course. They also provide stimulation for the clitoris, so it really won’t matter which position you are in, everybody wins. It isn’t just pleasurable for one or the other.
Even if there isn’t a penis around, vibrating rings can be used as a massager. You don’t have to use them on the genitals.
No Toys, No Problem
Even though it is exciting when you introduce new things into the relationship, you don’t have to have toys to increase the heat.
It isn’t always about bringing things into the bedroom. It could be about changing up the location. It might be an erotic book or porn. It might be creating a playlist of songs that turn you on. After two songs, anything might happen.
The most important thing is you don’t need to make it complicated. Try to find just a few phrases that you think you can pull off and try them out first. If talking seems too hard, just begin by getting more verbal when you are having sex. Moans and groans can help you get used to being more vocal during sex. This will also help your partner know they are going things that you like.
Lubes
The easiest thing to add to your sex life is lubricants. Water-based lubes are easier to clean up since the main component is water. These are normally cheaper. There is one drawback to this type of lube. They normally dry up faster than the silicone-based ones. The silicone-based ones last longer and are thicker. If you are having sex underwater, you are going to need a lube that won’t wash off. If you are trying anal sex, where lube is very important, silicone-based lubes are your best option.
Remember to Communicate
This one should be a no brainer, but anytime you begin pushing the boundaries in the bedroom, you have to make sure your partner is consenting to the new things.
If you are into any type of verbalizing or fantasy play that is going to involve your partner saying stop, they need to be able to do that. Everyone needs a safe word. Although you aren’t into discipline or bondage, you might need some way to tell your partner it’s time to stop.
If your significant other wants to do something you aren’t into, say something like: “I appreciate you telling me about your fantasy, and I would like to explore it by talking about it. Right now, it isn’t anything that I would be willing to actually try.” When you let your partner know that you aren’t comfortable with it, you are letting them know that there isn’t anything wrong with their fantasy. They don’t need to feel ashamed or guilty about asking about it.
Basically, sex is all about what is and isn’t pleasurable and comfortable for your partner and yourself. There isn’t any way to be an advanced sexual partner. When you have sex with your partner, if it is fulfilling and fun, then it is perfectly fine. Never do anything new just to keep away from a breakup.
Anything you explore needs to be done to enhance your relationship. You need to build on everything you have already created.
Chapter 6: A Massage to Get Ready
Massages are a great way to get rid of any tension you may have, spread healing energies, improve your blood circulation, and when we are talking about tantra, they can help to sexually arouse your partner. Massages are the best way to help sexual partners show one another extra intimacy.
By nature, humans crave touch, and massages are a natural and an easy way to get that much-needed human touch. So how can you achieve this? First, there is no need to head out and get some special certification or training to help you perform your tantric massages. The only thing you really need is to have a yearning and intention to genuinely satisfy your partner through the intricate capacities of your hands.
What Does Tantric Massage Mean?
Before we head into the actual massage techniques, we should go over what a tantric massage is, how it differs from other types of massages and the biggest benefits of it. The tantric massage that we will go over was first created from many different sources, which are mainly a mixture of tantric philosophy and influences from the most important Western thinkers.
The main parts of tantric massage include:
Experiencing a spiritual awakening is the true and ultimate goal of the practice of tantra and tantric massage.
You should never wear clothes during the massage, so private parts will, the majority of the time, be exposed.
It helps to heighten or boost orgasmic or sexual experiences.
It helps to get rid of blockages in various areas of your spirit, mind, body, and consciousness.
Tantric massage is focused on using and the potential of your sexual energy so that it will benefit you and won’t limit you.
Benefits of Tantric Massage
Just like with any type of massage, a tantric massage comes with many different benefits, as well as some added benefits that make the tantric massage all the more special. The main benefits of having a massage are:
Increased wellbeing
Relieves stress, anxiety, and pain
Improves the mood
Improves immunity and health
When it comes to tantric massages, you all get these benefits:
Higher spiritual awareness
More intense sexual experiences
Improves sex drive and libido
With all of that out of the way, let’s take a look at some techniques and tips to help you get started with your tantric massages.
Getting Things Setup
For those who have never gotten to have a tantric massage, the thought of a tantric massage is often intriguing, if not intimidating. There are some people who think it is taboo, which is an unfortunate byproduct of our society.
