THE BOOK KARAMEL JUNKIE E-Book

WILLIAM C. OKEKE

• Herausgeber: tredition
• Kategorie: Geisteswissenschaft
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 262

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Beschreibung

An exciting novel that happens to be true...Read, learn and enjoy! A great work of dialogue and argument. A grand theory of character that can be compared meaningfully with marriage relationship. Okeke reveals that only by exploring the whole of human behaviour can we see why action and reaction are the twin coin of good and evil. Life changing project. A gripping and truly original story of life and living. Remarkable. Forget sugar! Karamel is in!!

Leseprobe

THEBOOK

KARAMEL JUNKIE

COFFEE’S A DRUG AND EVERYONE'S A JUNKIE

WILLIAM C. OKEKE

Dedicated to:

My wife Patricia N. Okeke, the girl of my need and she completed me. On February 3rd, 2009, we were married. Ever since that day, we have become inseparable living the dream together. I can not imagine what my life would have been without her. Patricia, happy 120/115!

To my four children, Gideon Nnaemeka, Kessaiah

Chinaemema, Perez Uruchi, and Adonai Okemunachi.

Copyright © 2020 WILLIAM C. OKEKE

Cover, Illustrations: Dmitrij Chotin

Editing, Proof Reading: True Editor

Formatting: Martina Herrmann

ISBN

Paperback:

978-3-347-13661-8

Hardcover:

978-3-347-13662-5

eBook:

978-3-347-13663-2

The author is represented by SCHLARMANNvon-GEYSO Wirtschaftsprüfer & Steuerberater.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher.

Publishing & Print: Tredition GmbH, Halenreie 40-44, 22359 Hamburg

All right reserved

CHAPTER ONE

EPISODE 1

Yes. It is them. Them… the type who leave space in between and smite down like you have an outbreak of some dangerous epileptic disease. The regular guests expect some special treatment, service and flavor but they never get it. It is their nature and they enjoying taking such position.

‘Hello. Are you still open? Hello…?’ he went on… such a stupid rhetorical question. ‘Yes we are closed’, I said. ‘Hello, you still open?’ he raised his voice even more because I had ignored him. I didn’t even turn. ‘Oh yes, but from now on, we only offer what is left. We have just 10 minutes to close’ I said. ‘I want this Big Apple Beef but without bacon. Yes, without bacon’, he said. I looked at him twice, observing the spit at the edge of his made-up lips. He was wearing a barrette red cap on his head, with black sunglasses. It was 24:52; almost midnight. Want to see a ghost? Rent a Ghost! ‘We don’t have that any more… would you like a Big Mac or a Royal TS?’ I asked. ‘Without bacon?’ he shot back. ‘Of course’ I reacted; having known his kind. ‘Brother, Muslim, I am a Muslim’ he pleaded with a fine Arabic accent. ‘Is that any of my business? Big Mac or TS?’ I questioned. ‘OK. Big Mac but will I get the potato wedges? Else I am not buying’ he dictated like a child who was exchanging a chocolate bar for a hot bath that was long overdue on a sunny Sunday afternoon.

It is always their manner, they really know what goes with what but they will still command you, and tell you what they want, knowing full well that they will never get it.

‘If you ordered Mc menu, big size, the potato wedges can be chosen instead of…’ I started to say. ‘I ordered Mc menu, I ordered Mc menu, I… so I get potato wedges and no bacon on the Big Mac’ he blurted in a rush. ‘You didn’t order Mc menu’ I reminded him. ‘Brother, walai’ he pointed to the sky addressing me, speaking the rest in a rude mother dialect. ‘Here or take away?’ I said, ignoring his rude mutterings. ‘I will have it here. Are you people closed?’ he asked. ‘That would be 6,49’ I said. ‘I want bitter cream for the…’ he started but I interrupted, saying ‘We don’t have it, you can…’ but he interrupted me again saying, ‘the sweet sauce then’

Quickly, I rapped his order. Naturally, the Big Mac and potatoes were in good condition. ‘I hope it is still fresh? Else I will bring it back today or tomorrow’ he charged. ‘Muhu’— ‘Have your order, bye’ I said.

Five more customers were waiting to order when this crook at the back shouted, ‘What! You are left with just two cheeseburgers? That’s ridiculous – what a restaurant! Can I have the two cheeseburgers left?’ he kept yelling. I don’t know what was wrong with him. Wrong drug maybe!

When it was his turn to order, he asked for two cheeseburgers. ‘We don’t have cheeseburgers any more, only chicken burgers as you can see’ I told him. ‘Then give me two’ he said. He took them and went away. Minutes later, he came back again. ‘Can I have two ketchups?’ he said. ‘60 Cents’ I replied. ‘So expensive?’ he shot back. I retorted, ‘…because you are paying for it?’

Then he said ‘Mayo for 30 cents… how stupid’. And he flipped the two coins across. His madness had started, and he left, but came back again. ‘Sugar, how much?’ he asked, laughing. It was quite a silly question.

Obviously, he knew we did not sell our sugar. ‘I need a fork and knife. A plastic fork and knife – how much is it?’ he asked, grinning like a native doctor.

As he asked the questions lazily, he grabbed at what he wanted, which had nothing to do with the food he had ordered; nothing at all. Excuse me, he wanted to eat in style like a European, but wasn’t that possible only before he became a crackhead and homeless and lost his mind?

EPISODE 2

‘Is it pig oil used to prepare all the food?’ ‘I don’t think so. Just regular oil I guess’.

This was a dialogue between one fat African woman dressed in black lace and an awkward short guy in a black dyed caftan. Presumably, they were going to a funeral ceremony. They smelled like fried ginger in a mixture of burnt rotten garlic - I don’t know if it was their cream or lotion, or their unwashed clothes.

‘Chicken box, big fries’ the woman ordered, deafening. ‘Did you see that documentary on Facebook where lifeless chicken are injected with fluids so they become stout?’ she ventured. ‘How come?’ the guy wondered.

Then, like lightning, the woman disappeared into the restroom. That’s what you do when you want to cheat people; when you don’t want to pay for or contribute to the food bill.

‘Here or to go’ I asked. ‘I don’t know!’ said the man in a flat realization. `How is that supposed to be my problem?´ ‘Should we wait for her to come back so we can ask her?’… he talked to himself. Thank God he didn’t ask me that as a question. She was not even his wife, it appeared.

Soon, she reappeared, saying ‘This is unbelievable; guests pay 30 Cents for using the restroom. That’s absurd! Have you ordered? Let’s go. We are late already’. She was such a strange and confused drama queen. The man recovered with, ‘OK, make it a takeaway’. ‘Of course, it is to go!’ she shouted. Then she received a phone call and shouted, raising her voice even more, rambling on the phone like a demented demon possessed.

I packed their order; she collected it quickly and they left immediately.

EPISODE 3

Here were these non-identical twins approaching me in style and with smiles. It appears normal when they do this, trying to be nice, but they are not.

‘Small fries… no, chicken legs, chicken legs’ they parroted twice, and that was when I knew something was terribly wrong with them. Either they were from Turkey or had some degenerated Stammer

‘Wait. I didn’t get you. Chicken legs?’ I asked. That is how you take them deeper into their obvious mess. Else, they will blame you to say you are deaf. They waited… and were so shocked. Our company is over 200 years old, literally, and this food… they eat almost every day but the name still eludes them.

‘You mean chicken wings?’ I tried. ‘Gbam! One pack. What is the price?’ they continued.

I hate it when you correct customers for their mistakes and they respond as if you are the one to be blamed. ‘I will go and buy a sim card. Do you have a telephone card?’ one of them asked. ‘We never keep them’ I replied. ‘Where can I get one?’ they asked. I replied saying, ‘Across the street but they are closed now, its 10pm already’. ‘Give me the receipt, I will go and buy a sim card and come back for the chicken legs’ one of them said. Quickly, they left. `What film is this? ´ I asked myself, ‘Science fiction or melodrama theatre?’. I have no words.

An hour later, the identical twins approached me again. ‘Finished?’ they asked. ‘Oh yeah, here is your order, enjoy your meal’ I responded. ‘Bread?’ they asked expectantly. ‘What bread? That’s all you ordered’ I replied. ‘No, I…’ they started to say, but I interrupted, saying ‘Check your receipt’. ‘You gave me a receipt? No!’ they said. I told them firmly that they had asked me for a receipt and I had certainly given them one.

While all this was going on, it had been interfering with the smooth running of the branch’s operations - with other guests ordering their food.‘Didn’t I… I thought…Wait a minute…’ they said, and then they quietly collected their order and left at once.

I think people like these are so sick. They just want to play tricks on your intelligence. And if You fall for it, you are the fool.

EPISODE 4

There she is again… this woman, the size of a fat pregnant old lady with crowded teeth. Today, she came with a slim, short, and ugly girl the size of a mature dwarf. As always, they will be chattering in their local dialect.

‘Yes, ham-chicken?’ What is wrong with most of the guests? You greet them so cheerfully, something like Good evening, may I take your order please? And they answer, ‘Ham chicken’ This woman even said this in a cold, rude manner.

I hate my job when something like this happens. And this was my first order for the evening.

‘Hamburger or chicken burger?’ I asked. Instead of answering, she smiled and continued with the chattering. ‘You order this particular food every single day, so much that your face has become familiar, yet you can’t say the name correctly?’ She started laughing. Who is to blame? Is it their brain or the food? Seems like the food has damaged your brain so much you cannot… and the laughing stopped, but mine started. It was my turn now… because I could not watch their bemused faces any longer.

‘Chicken…hamburger? Two fries, small…’ she started talking like something was holding her tongue earlier.

‘Chicken hamburger?’ I teased. ‘Since you know what I normally order every day, why are you asking me?’ she retorted. ‘Just get our order, take this stupid money and stop wasting our time’!

Quickly, I served their order. ‘Four…chicken I said’ she continued angrily. ‘Oh, four?’ I replied, enjoying myself. I love it when stupid people get angry over trivial matters. ‘Two chicken, two…chicken. And 2 plus 2 is four?’ she continued like an old teacher afraid to hurt her new students’ feelings. ‘Really?’ I teased again. ‘What? ’We have to…no time!’ she said. ‘Okay, okay, okay’ I hurried up their order.

‘Where is ketchup?’ She asked, looking at me. ‘I haven’t seen him in a while now’, I thought, on the verge of cracking up with laughter. ‘Two ketchup’ ‘60 Cents, please’ I said. ‘But I said ketchup and mayo…’ she replied. I told her firmly that she did not say any such thing.

These stone-damned-cold prostitutes. All they know is sex, money, and exploiting men. Empty heads with a puddinglike milky brain. Even in ordering their food they want to extort you.

‘Here is the ketchup and mayo; I give it to you free’ I told her. ‘And you?’ I questioned the other, slimmer woman. ‘What are you ordering? Are you not hungry as well?’ She stared at me like a newcomer who is reluctant to collect enough extra money for some good sex she rendered.

The biggest woman must be her madam who is to take care of her, coach her and set up a harlot business for her. She looked as if she was new to the game. ‘Give me ketchup’ she demanded like a snake. ‘Here, take two’ I offered. ‘No thanks’ she replied smiling sneakily and left. ‘No, take them’ I called after her, ‘I mean you will pay later, oloshi’. ‘No thanks’ was her reply.

Soon enough, they smiled and made their exit. The chattering continued. I believe in Russia, Romania or Slovak…

EPISODE 5

‘Cheese burger with lactose?’ he asked. ‘Did you say—is your cheese burger with lactose?’ I asked. Oh Lord, take me to you; this is the first time I am hearing that. ‘I thought you were joking’ I continued, and then, recovering my stance, I said, ‘I don’t know’ as I realised he meant it.

Then, saying ‘Let’s check’, I brought up the content description of our food, and lo and behold, no lactose. ‘Then, two cheese burger’ he requested. ‘Wait a minute, first it had dairy, then soon we began to hear about decaffeinated coffee, and now lactosefree cheese burger – shortly it will get to just water’ I said. ‘Oh yes, that possibility can be anticipated’ he replied as he collected his bag of food and walked away.

Nevertheless, it stayed with me. He wanted a cheeseburger with lactose, I offered him a cheeseburger without lactose and he accepted it, paid for it and walked away?

EPISODE 6

‘Two Kabab. You gotta be kidding me… for one euro each?’ he said. ‘We don’t have things like…’ I started only to be interrupted by him; ‘Those ones over there for one Euro. No; two Euro’. ‘You mean the hamburgers?’ I asked. ‘Yes of course, what else do you think?’ he snapped back. ‘OK, pay two Euro’ I told him.

He flipped the two coins across at me and with a confused face dashed away stuffing one hamburger into his mouth; the other one already opened.

EPISODE 7

‘Small Vodka’ the more outspoken one said, directing the command at me.

They were from Russia. Four strong men breathing like newly retired weightlifters. Nobody drinks like the Russians. Not even the Polish. ‘We have no whisky’ I replied jokingly, still shocked by such a request. ‘Small vodka’ he repeated. ‘Are you for real? No, we have Bacardi rum’ I continued. ‘I just want small vodka. Four bottle’ he pleaded. ‘We don’t serve vodka, whisky or Bacardi rum’ I stated flatly. ‘OK am gone’. ‘And am bullet’…

Moreover, they walked away. Jesus Christ!

EPISODE 8

Standing before me was this black family with two energetic daughters who knew what they wanted and a mother who dictated and commanded everything for the family.

‘Two Big- Mac Meal, two Kids Meal, chicken box, take away’ she recited. ‘You take credit cards?’ she asked with pride. ‘We are in 2016 and this is an international company’ I replied. ‘Really?’ she shot back. ‘Of course, yes’ I said… you can’t have the last word. Zoom, I hurried their order.

When it was time to pay, she asked with trepidation, ‘I hope my credit card is secure with this transaction’. I burst out laughing, and replied ‘It is the guest card we are afraid of’. She then looked at me closely. ‘Are you a Nigerian?’ I asked her. ‘Yes’ she replied proudly. ‘Which part of Nigeria?’ I continued to prod her. Because there is only a particular tribe in Nigeria that can ask such awkward and stupid questions. What an exclusive joke. ‘Benin’ she answered. `No wonder` I said to myself.

How she handled her credit card… like a huge plate of gold. She was actually just spending borrowed money which she will pay back with interest. I would have respected a bank card but not a credit card.

‘Your salary is good?’ She asked, priming her mouth for the upcoming food. ‘We manage’ I replied, ‘You don’t work, you don’t eat. No food for the lazy man’. ‘Are you Ibo?’ She asked me squarely. She was such a tight-ass intelligent woman that I pitied the husband… or maybe he is lucky to have such a clever woman as his wife.

This was a priceless confrontation between precious people with only a limited amount of time. I wished we could explore and discover more about each other. That is why you have to make the most of the time available. Have a good conversation, a good eye contact and press the honey out while it is still flowing. Your words are the shield against the bee stinging; in fact, your speech is the bee stinging.

Ten minutes later, the husband came back; ‘My wife said we forgot the chicken box’ he said shaking with fright as if he would be a dead man if he goes back without the chicken box. Our conversation must have been so good that I forgot some of their order. ‘Oh yes sorry about that, there it is right there’ I apologized as I quickly packed it up. ‘It is your fault’ I thought; ‘That is what you get when you allow your wife to do the talking and the paying’.

She remembered, you forgot. I bet you didn’t even know what was ordered. She sent you running down here like a small boy who forgot his lunch box on his first day of school… and she is still schooling you, when she is in fact married to you! When she was ordering, you did not utter a single word… only had a dummy bemused smile on your face like all was well. No, all is not well. You’re the man, goddamn it! In the Arab culture it is different. There, the real men do the talking and the paying. Women only talk when they are asked to. And they talk only to their husbands with their faces bowed.

‘Here, take the chicken box and run along’ I said. ‘Oh thank you, she was right; I knew she was right…’ he trailed off and ran away with the excitement of someone who had just won an imaginary lottery. Thanked me for what? She has dusted your brains down. You are a stingy and selfish man. Well, you are a low class, she is a high class. She must have got her driving license, green card, built houses in her father's hometown, sent all her siblings abroad or at university. Your father must have died poor and your mother of typhoid fever… and they say it is poison. You couldn’t take care of them. Your siblings had forgotten and abandoned you because you are unreachable, wretched Richard.

EPISODE 9

‘Evening, what will it be?’ I asked. The demeanour of every guest suggests how they are to be addressed and treated, depending on their manner of approach. ‘Where is that … your cheap burger?’ came the reply. ‘What was that again?’ I reacted, twisting my face. ‘Yes, your cheap burger’ came the reply again. This was more than an insult. It was an injustice arising out of drunkenness. Only cheap people can ask for cheap burgers. ‘Did you say `our cheap burgers´!? ‘Have you no respect!!?’ I added. ‘Do you have or don’t you have?’ he said rudely. ‘I will call the restaurant manager to take your stupid order’ I retorted and started to walk away. ‘Oh, that’s ridiculous! What is wrong with you? I just want… What is the meaning of that?’ he started saying. ‘Meaning you are rude and abusive’ I said and walked away

‘Hello!’ he yelled. ‘What is wrong with you!? Hello!! Wait!!!’ I didn’t just walk away because of his rude speech, but also because the man smelled like an eternally abandoned refuse bin. He was full of dried up invisible human excrement mixed with decades of urine. My stomach rumbled. On top of that, he bellowed, almost like spitting lava uncontrollably.

‘I am a guest in this restaurant. I deserve to be served food. I have the right to be served. I have my money, should I beg for my order to be taken?’ he screamed.

The manager came and started, ‘Hamburger or cheeseburger?’ ‘Wait a minute, where is that young black ni…’ he began. ‘Shut your dirty rotten mouth; that is my valuable employee. Here, take your cheap burger as you said and walk’ cried the manager. ‘But…’ he started to say. ‘Else I will call the cops on you and don’t you think you can disappear before they come because I will jack you into the corner…’ threatened the manager angrily. ‘You shouldn’t…’ he cried.

‘1 Euro 10 cents, keep the change’ he said and hurried away. His file must have been so high in priority with the police.

EPISODE 10

Two Chinese women, smiling down at me, well-dressed but short. They looked like they needed a tall ladder to stand on. ‘Can you get a frozen Coke?’ they asked. ’Excuse me?’ ‘Yes, a frozen Coke.’ she said, brightening.

Oh come on now! It is frozen outside. And we have white snow everywhere. ‘We have never had such items. Hope you are not mistaken?’ I replied.

‘No, no, I am sure, frozen Coke. They have it in Australia's the other Chinese girl added, but her remark was more to tease I thought. As they smiled and talked, it was like loudly heard smooth laughter. I wondered whether they were fooling around. For all this to come from Chinese people, I wondered.

‘OK then, let us have two large cokes, no, coke light… or do you have coke zero?’ ‘Without ice blocks’ they added like twin sisters.

Now my feet started hurting from all the straining to see them over the counter. My legs were pulled up. I got their drinks ready but just as they were about to leave, I asked, ‘Just for the record, hope it is not a joke with the frozen coke?’ ‘Oh! No! It is not’ the elder one blazed. ‘Then I will check?’ I rather asked. ‘Oh please do. Really’ the younger one shot back.

Since they still hung around, I said encouragingly, ‘What was it like? I’m interested’. ‘Oh it is like smoothies and frappe, you know…’ one of them answered. ‘Now I get it, it’s not far-fetched’ ‘Sorry, what did you say?’ she asked

‘Your time is up you Asian ladies, time to attend to the other guests waiting in line’.

Slowly, they oozed away like bad weather, chattering some more in what to me was their mother tongue.

EPISODE 11

‘Burger-Haji’. ‘Excuse me, what did you say?’ I asked. ‘Burger Haji, ehhh’ came the reply. ‘What would you like?’ I asked again. ‘Burger, Haji, just burger’. ‘Hamburger, cheese burger…’ I started to say helpfully. ‘Hamburger?’ he said, testing me.

He had one Euro in his dirty hand. No doubt. ‘1 Euro ten Cents’ I said. ‘10 Cents, and Euro for one hamburger?’ he replied.

I was perplexed. ‘Is here Mcdonald's’ he asked. ‘Are you kidding me? This is Burger King. No, KFC… Actually, this is Pizza Hut’. ‘What? Are you playing a joke?’ he asked. I replied, ‘Well, you started the jokes’. ‘You mean I am inside McDonald’s?’ he asked incredulously. ‘How much is that?’ he pointed out to something. I followed his hand. ‘6, 49, Fish’ I replied. ‘That is expensive. Is it without bacon in it? I’m Muslim’ he declared. ‘It is too exorbitant, blood tonic or what? A million dollar Lottery Win?’ he continued. I smiled. Then he walked away.

Later, he came back and bought a large meal. He also asked about duty-free offers and parking tickets. People who travel only through the Internet get more confused when they face reality.

CHAPTER TWO

EPISODE 1

The Lobby was filled with guests. All hungry people, like the world was coming to an end. All impatient meatheads, oiled tongues and hollow stomachs. Other food shops were closed but for us. Here before me were two men. I thought they were homosexuals because of how close they looked and how close they stood. Then the one on the right spoke.

‘One hamburger for me and one for HIM’ But he flipped just one Euro coin on the counter.

Hamburgers cost one Euro each. ‘One hamburger for me and one hamburger for him’ . ‘Are you deaf? Please hurry!’ I looked at him again.

Smartly, I gave him one hamburger and he just blew it.

‘What is that supposed to mean? I do not understand, I thought the two of you are together, came together?’ I remarked. ‘No’ the quiet man replied. ‘What? You don’t know that guy?’ I queried. ‘I do not know him, never met him’ came the reply. ‘Oh really!? That was strange’. ‘You should not mind that faggot, bastard, he thought he’s smart. Such a fool. But please, can I order now?’ he said. I was blown away. ‘That was remarkable’. ‘I would like a large Big Taste meal, a large strawberry milkshake and all this to go’. ‘Very well, your order will be ready soon’ I assured him.

However, I cannot still separate myself and my mind from that fast one. ‘On you. My order, and stop wasting my time’. WOW! It was like magic. I didn’t see it coming. How did he pull that stunt and get away with it?

EPISODE 2

Busy moments. ‘Can you please change money for me, two 10 Eurasia?’ the ragged man asked, a gambler with dirty fingers, clothes and temperament. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you-thank you. You are a friendly man, thank you, thank you…’ he continued. ‘Are you high or something?’ I asked agitatedly. Instead of answering me, he flipped himself on the counter moving swiftly. ‘No, thank you, very much, most appreciated’ he continued to say. ‘Heavenly Father’ I prayed, ‘Help me!’ I begged. ‘Why? I just want to change. Thank you, thank you…’ he babbled. ‘Shut the fuck up’ I shouted at the top of my lungs. ‘I haven’t even said yes. What if I say no? Or I don’t have any change?’ I went on, already pissed by this lunatic

‘You don’t have? Hahaha’ ‘Am I laughing with you?’ The addiction of gambling is worse than alcohol. As far as drinking goes, when you are drunk, you can stop. But in gambling, the expectation to win has no limit. You don’t know when to give up, only when and how to give in. And if you do drinking and gambling, like this man, then you are even more messed up than Hell.

I knew him very well. Today, he won a couple of coins and now he wants to be richer than yesterday. The gambling machine pays them back with two Euro coins. Why is that, I don’t know.

‘How can I save my time and energy instead of wasting it on this no-good man?’ I asked myself.

Silence is no solution.

‘Am waiting, my bus comes in two minutes’ he begged. `You don’t even have a bus ticket you homeless gambler´ I accused. ‘Oh thank you…thank…’ ‘Jesus Christ! Where is the money!! Hurry, I can’t take this madness any more’!

‘Here, 10 piece of two Euro coins’ ‘Coins!?’ I shouted. ‘Money is money’ he quoted. ‘Not all money is money. Some are worthless and useless. And don’t even go there’ I screamed. ‘OK, OK, OK, sorry the change please, I need the money. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you just a nice man, most appreciated’ he continued. Pointless chattering. ‘Didn’t I say you should be quiet? Get the change first then you can start pouring out your thanks’ I collected the dirty coins from him.

‘Take the change and don’t show me your face again. I will not do this awkward favour next time, not in this condition I said. ‘I know you will hahaha, thank you, thank you, nice man most…’ ‘LEAVE!!!’ I yelled.

Afterwards, I washed and disinfected my hands with Sagrotan disinfectant that removes 99.9% of bacteria, and soft foam hand cleaning creamy vanilla and orchid.

Finally, I cleaned my hands with alcohol. That’s the procedure.

EPISODE 3

00:59 PM.

We were just about to close for the night. Remaining only what was left in the control. Then, walking towards me was this huge woman, dragging her two pieces of luggage, approaching the counter. She was happy that at least she could still get something to eat after this long journey from London through Amsterdam. That was what the sticker on her luggage said. She would touch down to Australia as this was probably a transit connection. Well, she will most probably end up in the United States

‘Hello, can I…’ she started to say. ‘So, sorry, we are closed for the day, but if you don’t mind, the central station…’ I said demonstrating, pointing to the right door. ‘What is the central station?’ she asked. ‘Oh Central Station over…’ I started to explain but she cut me off with ‘I don’t understand…this is McDo…’ ‘OK. You, big station, to the…’ I continued ‘what is that supposed to mean!? Are you crazy!!?’ she said, becoming furious, ‘You call me big?’ ‘No, no, no, train station, two minutes walk to your…, big station, if you don’t mind’ I stammered. But her anger just grew. ‘Idiot black monkey! Do you know who I am!?’ ‘Sorry ma, you are getting me all wrong…’ I tried explaining. ‘How dare you call me a big station!?’ she yelled, even more pissed. ‘No, I meant big train station; they are open 24 hours’ I pleaded.

‘Sorry for yourself, poor thing, get some education so you wouldn’t be wasting away here’ she rued and revised immediately.

It really took an effort for her to drag those two heavy stone pieces of luggage through our two unwieldy long glass doors. All that stress, for nothing? She has to launch into the cold again with an empty stomach and aching head. Thanks to you.

‘However, I meant big central station…’ I talked to her back while leaving. ‘Big what!?’ she turned. ‘Is this how you insult people you don’t even know? Calling them names?’ and she continued to walk again.

‘They are open 24 hours’ I repeated. ‘Go and insult your mama; that is if she is still alive, I wouldn’t rain on you this midnight, I already had a long journey coming from a church seminar’ she said as she crossed the first door. Then the second and the cold swallowed her.

EPISODE 4

‘One Big Mac Company with extra cheese burger’ ‘Oh Lord. Excuse me, sorry, Big Mac company?’ I asked, confused. ‘When does Big Mac have company? Isn’t he and doesn’t he always come alone? I asked. It is better to measure ten times and cut once than to measure once and cut ten times. ‘I said one big Mac, with an extra cheese burger’ he ordered. These black men imposing their masculinity on fellow black men is stronger compared to when they do it to a white person in a simple ruffle. ‘I thought you said one big Mac and extra cheese burger?’

He waited with agony. ‘No man! I said one big Mac with extra cheese inside the big Mac’ he declared positively like it was his final statement. Then, he changed his pose to an anakimbo.

‘Sorry, it is not possible, am sorry about that’ I replied. ‘Sorry what! Ehh!! It is possible!!!