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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Fachliteratur
- Sprache: Englisch
A practical pathway to a meaningful life and courageous leadership In The Courage Playbook: Five Steps to Overcome Your Fears and Become Your Best Self, Gus Lee, bestselling author and leadership expert, delivers an astonishing reveal that with moral courage, we can overcome our fears. This is a practical guide to gaining your courage to live rightly, treat others without bias and lead inspirationally. Readers will acquire Five Steps to Courage, 3 NO's, 3 GO's and Courageous Communication Plays. These lend deeper meaning to life, strengthen our character, improve relationships and allow us to help others for the common good. They lead to contentment, love and even happiness. The Playbook is a practical, behavior-based "Other-Help" guide that equips us more effectively than the worried "self-help" approach. The Courage Playbook includes: * Skills and strategies for healthfully and authentically deploying courage in your life * Ways to actually solve tough moral problems and conflicts at their root cause, genuinely help others, model strength and close the "Courage Gap" * Methods for courageous and inspirational communication and leadership for all manner of situations - professionally, personally, relationally and organizationally Designed for people in all circumstances, to include young professionals, executives and leaders, The Courage Playbook belongs on the desks and libraries of business organizations, government agencies, healthcare, education, non-profits, military units, public safety organizations and on the bedside table of all people who want a seriously effective pathway to deeply improve themselves.
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Seitenzahl: 420
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022
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Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Introduction
PART I: The Courageous Self
1 Step One: Where Am I? I Assess Myself
The LOC Biography Form 5
Section I: Personal Information (13 Questions)
Section II: Reflections (12 Questions)
Section III: Courage (28 Questions)
The Tier 4 GPS Tool
Notes
2 Step Two: Who Am I, Really? I Admit and Quit the 3 NOs
The 3 NOs Overview
The First NO: Disrespects Others
The Second NO: Gives in to Anger
The Third NO: Hideouts (Avoids Conflict, Denial, Excuses, and Blame)
Avoids Conflict
Denies the Truth
Making Excuses
Blames
Admit, Quit, and Repair
Notes
3 Step Three: Getting It Right—The 3 GOs
The 3 GOs Overview
The First GO: Unconditionally and Positively Respect All People (UPR)
The Second GO: Comprehensively Self‐govern/Act with Humility
The Third GO: Discern | Act | Train Others in the Highest Moral Action “DAT”
Our Third GO Inventory: Discern the HMA | Do the HMA | Train in the HMA
Notes
PART II: Courage with Others
4 Step Four: Playsets for Basic CourCom
The First Basic CourCom Play: CLEAR—The Central CourCom Model
The Second Basic CourCom Play: Encourage Others
The Third Basic CourCom Play: Ask Challenges
Notes
5 Step Five: Playsets for CourCom Conflicts
The First CourCom Conflict Play: Action‐emotional Reaction—The AeR
The Second CourCom Conflict Play: Fix the Fire with Reflect‐Back | Situation‐Check | No‐Thank‐You Declaration
The Reflect‐Back: When Someone Criticizes or Attacks You
The Situation‐Check: When Someone Takes a Clearly Wrong Action
The No‐Thank‐You Declaration: When You Are Asked to Do Something Wrong
The Third CourCom Conflict Play: The CBS—We Get Serious About Reconciliation
Notes
PART III: You Decide: Choosing Your Core
6 Your Identity: Naming, Claiming, and Aiming
Your Personal Core Principles
Notes
7 The Individual Courage Advancement Plan: ICAP
Notes
8 Crossing the River
Crossing the River Exercise
Notes
Epilogue
Appendix: Cut‐out Memory Cards
Glossary of Acronyms
About the Author
Index
End User License Agreement
List of Illustrations
Chapter 1
Figure 1.1 Home Life Living Conditions
Figure 1.2 Emotional Assessment
Figure 1.3 Core Primary Identity
Figure 1.4 Tier 4 GPS Tool Overview
Figure 1.5 Tier 4 Earning & Results Power
Figure 1.6 Gary's Tier 4 Table
Figure 1.7 Bella's Tier 4 Table
Figure 1.8 My Tier 4 Table
Chapter 2
Figure 2.1 The 3 NOs Examples—Our Deceitful, Fearful, Cowardly Reactions to ...
Figure 2.2 The 3 NOs Boomerang Effect: Killing Trust
Figure 2.3 Gus's Deceitful, Fearful, Cowardly Reactions to Fear
Figure 2.4 My Reactions to Fear
Chapter 3
Figure 3.1 The UPR Wheel
Figure 3.2 UPR 10‐week Dynamic Practice Routine
Figure 3.3 Comprehensive Self‐governance/Act with Humility Behavioral Practi...
Figure 3.4 Project GLOBE Leadership Characteristics
Figure 3.5 Observations
Figure 3.6 Discern HMA | Do HMA | Train Others to Do the HMA
Chapter 4
Figure 4.1 CLEAR Behavioral Practice—The First, Basic CourCom Play
Figure 4.2 Encourage Others Behavioral Practice
Figure 4.3 Ask Challenges Behavioral Practice
Chapter 5
Figure 5.1 Action‐emotional Reaction Behavioral Practice
Figure 5.2 Reflect‐Back Behavioral Practice
Figure 5.3 Situation‐Check Behavioral Practice
Figure 5.4 No‐Thank‐You Declaration Behavioral Practice
Chapter 7
Figure 7.1 Courageous Destinations
Figure 7.2 What Will I Change?
Figure 7.3 Basic Plays
Figure 7.4 Conflict Plays
Figure 7.5 Obstacles and Countermeasures
Chapter 8
Figure 8.1 Crossing the River of Fear
Guide
Cover Page
Table of Contents
Praise for Gus Lee’s earlier, Courage: The Backbone of Leadership
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Begin Reading
Epilogue
Appendix Appendix: Cut‐out Memory Cards
Glossary of Acronyms
About the Author
Index
WILEY END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT
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Praise for Gus Lee’s earlier, Courage: The Backbone of Leadership
“Gus Lee, in this well‐written and useful book, demystifies courage and reveals what it is made of: integrity, competence, and good judgment.”
—Warren BennisDistinguished Professor of Business, University of Southern California, Founder, Modern Leadership Development
“When it comes to leadership, Gus Lee has walked the walk and talked the talk. Now, in his latest book, he offers all of us, who call ourselves leaders, a primer on how to gain and maintain in ourselves and our organizations that critical element that makes the difference: courage!”
—H. Norman SchwarzkopfGeneral, US Army (Ret.)
Praise for The Courage Playbook: 5 Steps to Overcome Your Fears and Become Your Best self
“Gus Lee, who is not only very smart but also has an abundance of common sense, has written a terrific book about a perennial problem facing all of us: developing the courage to conquer our fears.”
—John J. Mearsheimer, R. Wendell HarrisonDistinguished Service Professor of Political Science, University of Chicago
“Gus's training changed my life. He uses courage to shape us ‘weeble wobbles'—and to help us stand firm even after we wobble and get knocked down, time and time again. The tools and concepts provided in The Courage Playbook challenged my approach to leading and communicating, by not just understanding and assessing my own courage but also by identifying practical applications of courageous behaviors. As Gus writes, ‘courage is more action than abstraction and is more behavioral than theoretical.' As a combat veteran, entrepreneur, and business executive, I didn't need to think more about courageous actions; I needed to act more courageously and more quickly. Through The Courage Playbook, Gus personally coached me, provided me tremendous insights on myself, and empowered and encouraged me with practical ways to live the first of human qualities.”
—Chris MillerSVP Flippen Group, West Point Class of 1998, Operation Iraqi Freedom
“Meeting Gus Lee changed my life; his book will change yours. The Courage Playbook is a 5‐alarm wake‐up call to self‐awareness, recognizing we control how we show up for others each day. We choose cowardice or courage in all our interactions—just getting along, or really getting it right. Gus's Leaders of Character, LOC Biography Form 5 inventory was my jump‐start in understanding the painful truth of my lack of ‘real' courage. Yet, I was not left lost, without a way forward. Gus provides the roadmap and all the GPS tools necessary for navigating the difficult terrain in becoming one's best self—a true person of courage.”
—Joe LeBoeuf, PhDCOL, US Army, Retired Former Academy Professor, USMA; Professor of the Practice Emeritus, Duke University
“The Courage Playbook's practical tools are universal game‐changers. From the time Gus Lee was my mentor at West Point he has helped me and others in evaluating and forming ethical solutions for those who desire to be the best they can be. The Third Step helped me stop reactions to fear that I'd retained in a career that demanded courageous leadership and physical bravery as an Air Cavalry combat leader in Vietnam. The Courage Playbook's comprehensive tool sets have enhanced my life, especially in a profound respect for others, no matter race, religion or sexual preference. It's improved my relationships in my community, and I will continue to use it to constantly improve my character and quality of life.”
—William MalkemesCOL, US Army (Ret.)
“The Courage Playbook's focus on practice, not theory, was essential to my ability to transition from a performance‐based junior executive to a growth‐based chief executive. The concept of UPR is easy but doing it every day takes a lot of practice. I used the 10‐week UPR Behavioral Practice continuously to value and develop every member of my organization. Every quarter I spent 10 weeks going down the checklist. Then I spent the last three weeks of the quarter personally praising every member for their contribution. That's how you build a high‐performance company with little employee turnover.”
—Steve WilsonFounder and CEO of an INC 500 Company
“We took Gus's advice to heart as my team took action and developed leadership rules to live by and demonstrate courage to build trust. By remembering that courage is an expression of caring, we overcame the barriers to sharing feedback and hitting hard issues head‐on. In the business world we face tough issues every day, and by remembering to approach interactions and address shortcomings from a position of caring, we learn to be courageous. The Courage Playbook's tools provide the guide for putting high core values into action and cementing them into our behaviors at work and at home. I am constantly reminded of the lessons I learned from Courage, and when I know I am facing an untenable situation I prepare myself, dig deep, take a big gulp and leap across that river of fear. I am pleased to share that I have yet to drown but learned at times of my shortcomings and succeeded beyond my expectations with others.”
—Jena Holtberg‐BengeGeneral Manager, John Deere Reman
“Yes Kids, Try This at Home. Forty years working with community leaders taught me about courage. The Courage Playbook helped me bring that skill home to confront fear and change avoidant behavior. Using the skills‐practice based approach, the skills themselves, and ‘memory cards,' I replaced my contempt for incompetence with ‘Unconditional Positive Respect' and resolved a long‐running dispute with a global company in two days. Then, I answered the question: ‘What does my husband most want me to change?'—so we stopped yelling at each other, and a frustrating home improvement project was finished in a night. The skill, courage, is easy to understand yet hard to do. With The Courage Playbook I am deploying it where it is most needed, at home.
—Jolie Bain Pillsbury, PhDAuthor of Results Based Facilitation and Theory of Aligned Contributions
“The Courage Playbook is not for those who only want to talk about courage. If you want to do the hard work of developing courage from the inside out, there's no other tool like it. I frequently face situations that require courage. This book was a great encouragement to me to stay the course and not give into fear. The Courage Playbook will lead you step by step from fear to fearless.”
—Eric BolgerVice President for Academic Affairs and Dean of the College, College of the Ozarks
“As a career soldier, I was often amazed by senior officers who would risk injury or even death in service to our nation, while also demonstrating an aversion for doing anything that might risk their careers. In this context, Gus Lee appropriately cites Mark Twain's observation, ‘It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.' I recommend The Courage Playbook to everyone in or desiring to be in a leadership position. It teaches you the right thing to do and how to do it. It is invaluable in learning to lead the toughest of all followers: yourself.”
—Gilbert S. HarperBrigadier General, US Army (Ret.)
“Kudos to Gus Lee for his amazing Playbook. I found his remarkable Step One assessment tool helped me identify that childhood relationships with parents and siblings can distort adult relationships. Identifying this ‘baggage,' I was able to more fully listen to others and use his Courageous Communication tools. This has helped me enormously in patient care and made my personal relationships more rewarding. The CourCom tools help me see how internalized fears and anger result in disrespecting others and so shatter the trust and cooperation we all need for successful and rewarding collaboration with others.”
—Mary M. Zhu, MD, PhD, MPH, MA
“The Courage Playbook finds me in a place in life where continuation of old comfortable habits and behaviors is untenable and counterproductive both professionally and personally. Fear, avoidance, and laziness of thought and execution have been my life's Achilles' heel. The Courage Playbook shines a bright and painful light on the effects of these mental and behavioral choices, calling them out but at the same time offering carefully drawn self‐directed offers for change with clear instruction on how to use them and move forward toward self‐mastery. The work is often painful, but in the words of someone who knows there is some pain, the gain is significantly more. By its design, it requires one to go through the fire to separate from old painful mind habits and move toward more life‐affirming and supportive choices. Of all the projects, classes, 12‐step programs and therapy sessions, The Courage Playbook is the most complete and compressive framework moving me towards a better version of myself. With gratitude and deep respect, I give my thanks to Gus Lee for having provided me the tools and skills to move forward on my pathway to a healthier life.”
—Dr. Toussaint StreatPhysician
“In The Courage Playbook, Gus Lee takes all the tools and behavior‐based guides he patiently taught me and puts them into an easy‐to‐understand, follow‐the‐steps practice guide. These tools have helped me overcome my fear and avoidance of conflict and set me on the path to becoming a courageous leader. As a husband, father, friend, and entrepreneur, improving my courage and character first and then those of others has transformed and deepened all my relationships. I encourage you to start on this journey today toward a more meaningful life.”
—Chris KayCOO, Water Harvesting, Inc.
“There are many good fire departments across the country, albeit only a few really great ones. After 46 years in the fire service, I believe this may be from the fire service's focus on discipline and the traditional nature of the job. The truly great fire agencies are made up of firefighters and officers that embrace Gus Lee's concept of self‐governance, which requires a personal commitment to transformational change. For these individuals, continual growth becomes a passion that they embrace to the core of their being, requiring physical, mental, and most importantly, moral courage. Lee, in The Courage Playbook, provides a path for those willing to change. Is it a quick and easy fix? No, it is exceptionally hard. But for those who desire to embrace the challenge of truly creating a better life for yourself and those around you, apply these ancient principles. Life will never be the same.”
—Ron LindrothFire Chief
“Gus's first Courage book placed me on a ‘high core values improvement plan.' While Gus does not know my cowardly foibles from firsthand observation, his Playbook calls me out as if he had been watching at my most fear‐controlled moments for the last decade. His new book inspires with real‐life examples and self‐assessments that gnaw to the root of my fear while providing the tools to build back courage. The CLEAR model particularly exposed my lingering bad habits and provided a map for improvement. Now back to work I go.”
—Jack ColwellCo‐Director, Public Safety Practice, The Arbinger Institute
“Gus Lee's Playbook is about courage, character and leadership. It's a practical set of revealing assessments and carefully crafted techniques designed to improve anyone's ability to make tough choices to do the right thing—every time—regardless of personal risk. That starts with a disciplined approach requiring unconditional respect for one another and consistently listening with humility and empathy. The courage to do so builds character and enables leadership. Not for the faint of heart, but well worth the effort.”
—COL (Ret.) Larry WhiteInfantry: Vietnam, 1971–72; Korea, 1982–83; West Berlin, 1983–86; Kabul, 2009–10
“A delightful guide full of important information for those of us who want to understand fear and recognise how it works in our lives and discover characters we can look up to, to position us for freedom. While answering the questions in The Courage Playbook's Assessments, I recognized how fear worked in my life, how it impacted my behaviors, and with the tools provided in the book, they are giving me courage to change. With small progress each day, it will develop into a habit.”
—Beata NegumboProgramme Assistant, FAO Representation in Namibia
“Throughout my life and career, I could choose inaction by relying on the phrase, ‘Discretion is the better part of valor.' In The Courage Playbook, Gus Lee's deep dig into courage, he delivers a gut punch; the words come from the lips of a cowardly braggart in Shakespeare's Henry IV. Lee observes that the discretion wording ‘gives modern cowards an excuse to avoid conflict.' What a life lesson. This book is for those of us who desire to shun avoidance and change our mindset. Eminently readable and research‐based, it is in a class all its own: literary nonfiction. It gives us practical tools for reversing our fearful mentality and for implementing the changes necessary to be courageous in both ordinary and extraordinary conflicts we all face. I wish I had read it sooner.”
—Robin Shakelyformer Assistant Chief Deputy District Attorney, 39‐year career prosecutor, mother, wife, and reforming coward
“The Courage Playbook puts courage into action. As a law enforcement leader, my life and legacy were transformed after reading Gus's earlier Courage book. I am excited to see so many ideas about living courageously laid out in such a helpful way in this new book. It is what I desperately need to figure out how courage looks and works in my family and professional life. Courage helps me lead my family, and myself, in our darkest and most challenging days and has shaped me into a leader who first looks in the mirror, as I strive to lead and serve others in my organization and my life. Courage has become the virtue that I take with me into every interaction. I'm so thankful that Gus Lee has put such a practical guidebook together for living a courageous life. It has helped me make sense of so much that I learned through trial and experience. If you're picking up The Courage Playbook, your time and investment into the process of living out courage will be worth every sacrifice. Be willing to cross the River of Fear—the journey on the other side is a life that is not perfect—but well worth living.”
—Roy BethgeChief of Police, Cherry Valley Police Department, Illinois
“Under pressure and unsure in tough situations, you can refer to The Courage Playbook to get your bearings, survive and succeed. Gus Lee's Five Steps have improved how I treat and educate others and beats the heck out of painful and grueling effort that ends in foreseeable failure. Gus effortlessly convinced me of two primal things, refined in this book: first, respect for everyone, all the time, is the key; second, you need courage to exercise that respect. The Courage Playbook is the civilian Ranger Handbook of doing the right thing. It will bring you home.”
—Dr. James P. SullivanSullivan Engineering; Professor, Purdue University, Army aviator
“Moments in life that call for moral courage are not rare; they pop up every single day of our lives with friends, family, coworkers, and strangers. Oftentimes we miss these moments as we justify our behavior with ‘I'm too busy,' ‘It's too hard,' and ‘It won't change anything.' Gus Lee's The Courage Playbook cuts through our fears and offers us a practical set of tools to recognize these moments and courageously do the right thing with unwavering respect for others. This book will change how you see the world and transform your relationships for the better. I use The Courage Playbook's quick references every day to help me become the man I want to be at work and at home.”
—Ben Bainnational security professional
“Gus Lee knocks it out of the park and makes a difference with The Courage Playbook, which gives us tools to improve effectiveness in leading and in life. In Step Three, he strips bare common human inhibitors to leadership and gives us a practical way to defeat them. I witnessed Gus apply these principles, know that they came from the school of hard reality, and that they actually work. In my career and interface with Gus, I've used his applications to promote my ability and that of others to be self‐examining leaders in a guided personal journey of reflection and improvement.”
—Tom RozmanPast Director, Collective Training Directorate, Deputy Chief of Staff for Training, US Army Training and Doctrine Command; past Director Central Region, Virginia Department of Labor and Industry
“Gus Lee has penned a road map for those of us striving to overcome our compulsive tendency to prefer faux self‐preservation over courageous moral action. The 3 NOs helped me more clearly understand the compounding effects of my self‐deception and better equipped me to take ownership for the quality of my relationships. I remain grateful for the ways in which the practical lessons that constitute The Courage Playbook continue to unfold in my personal and professional life.”
—Major Chip Huth30 years, Kansas City Missouri Police Department
“Informed, honed, intentional and deliberately acquired courage, which Gus Lee presents in The Courage Playbook, walked me through meaningful exercises that led to my making serious decisions and direction changes with clarity and precision. Gus describes how courage can be developed, sharpened, and used to raise decisions and people to greater heights and avoid reckless actions that in truth are not courage. He writes with clarity, wit, wisdom and research and lives the way he writes. Down to earth, boots‐on‐the‐ground illustrations make concepts come alive and applicable. The Courage Playbook is readable, poignant, and practical.”
—Dick Stenbakken, EdD, MDiv, MEd, MAChaplain (Colonel) US Army, Retired Director of Family Life Ministries
“The Assessment tools helped me get a bead on behaviors that were controlling me—I was trapped without joy. Step Two actions equipped me to stop my self‐lying, sharp self‐interest, blaming and anger, with huge benefits to my company. Steps Three and Four are saving my marriage and our daughter from constantly seeking approval of others. Thank you for the immediate action steps and the fundamental planning truths in Step Five. Sharing your work and experience with others is producing blessings.”
—Rock AdamsPresident, Rock Hard, Inc.
“Several years ago, I was blessed with the opportunity to work with Gus Lee. The Courage Playbook and other Gus Lee books represent what is possible in our lives when we commit to practice, experience, learn, overcome, and share our big life lessons. Gus has faced substantial challenges, refused to quit or give in to an easier path and remained resolute to a higher calling and purpose. Gus is the real deal; he shows up every day as a respected moral and courageous teacher and leader. This book lays down a very effective road map that we can use to create a more positive and intentional way in our own lives and model to strangers and to those we love and care about. It equips us to face difficulties and opportunities, to make the conscious choice to not become bitter but better. Using Unconditional Positive Respect and seeking the Highest Moral Action, we steadily become more courageous in every part of our lives. This is Gus's gift to us. His life story, experience, and wisdom have greatly impacted my life. Implementing the insights and practices shared in The Courage Playbook will challenge and reward you with the ability to experience a more inspired life. Enjoy the journey!”
—Rob KnauerVistage Worldwide, Chicago Chair, leads high‐performing CEO Peer Advisory Boards; CEO, Black Ocean Advisors, Inc.
“The Courage Playbook uniquely provides the structure to help those aspiring to become their best self. Gus created the tools for anyone to grow in self‐awareness and understanding on a journey to become a better follower and leader with intent and practice. I found the book's assessments challenging and had to talk with family and others to ensure I was being honest with myself. The Courage Playbook is well worth revisiting with changing professional and personal challenges. It joins a short list of books that add value with each reread and periodic reevaluation and refocusing to update our best practices, which I now do as I systematically develop and coach leaders to be their best.”
—Scott TessmerRetired Naval Officer
“I appreciate the introspective tools Gus uses in The Courage Playbook, especially the Three NOs. They are a living checklist for me to mentally review before tough conversations, when I've been blindsided, and when I automatically react out of fear. Remembering to show unconditional respect, to not let fear control me, and to remember that I can choose courageous actions to do the right thing are but samples of the essential tools Gus equips us with in his new book.”
—William A. SalmonFire Captain (Ret.), Poudre Fire Authority
“During my 23 years as an NFL side judge, including three Super Bowls and more than a dozen playoff games, I encountered innumerable challenges. The NFL is a high‐stakes enterprise where officials' mistakes garner considerable scrutiny and criticism. I wish that I had The Courage Playbook to guide me during my career. Gus Lee's principles and lessons would have given me even more confidence to act with courage, confidence, and clarity. In retirement, I am still a husband, father, and grandfather. I teach at the college level, volunteer with the police and serve on our city's parks, beaches and recreation commission. The Courage Playbook is my blueprint for doing what is right in every sphere, thus strengthening me to make a greater difference for my family and communities. What a gift!”
—Dr. Laird HayesNFL Side Judge, known for making the biggest call in Super Bowl history (SB XLVI)
GUS LEE
THE COURAGE PLAYBOOK
FIVE STEPS TO OVERCOME YOUR FEARS AND BECOME YOUR BEST SELF
Copyright © 2022 by Gus Lee. All rights reserved.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.
Published simultaneously in Canada.
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Library of Congress Cataloging‐in‐Publication Data:
Names: Lee, Gus, author.
Title: The courage playbook : five steps to overcome your fears and become your best self / Gus Lee.
Description: Hoboken, New Jersey : Wiley, [2022] | Includes index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2021058276 (print) | LCCN 2021058277 (ebook) | ISBN 9781119848905 (cloth) | ISBN 9781119848950 (adobe pdf) | ISBN 9781119848943 (epub)
Subjects: LCSH: Courage. | Fear. | Interpersonal communication.
Classification: LCC BF575.C8 L44 2022 (print) | LCC BF575.C8 (ebook) | DDC 179/.6—dc23/eng/20211210
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021058276
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021058277
Cover Design and Image: Wiley
To our children, grandchildren, and next generations for their faith, love, and courageous service to others.
Foreword
After reading Gus Lee's Honor and Duty, I believed that its author would provide our students at the St. Mark's School of Texas with a sound example of fine writing. So we invited Gus to campus as a visiting scholar. During that visit, we concluded that Gus would provide us with more than lessons in how to think and write, but on how to become better people. Coincidentally, Gus and Diane were in the process of writing Courage: The Backbone of Leadership.
The rest became history. In subsequent years, Gus challenged us to think afresh and more clearly and intelligently about our core values. He has taught us to simplify our objectives by directing our attention to key fundamentals—courage, honesty, integrity—and residing there no matter what the difficulty or cost.
Clearly, we were fortunate to be introduced to Gus. The principles of Courage became deeply embedded in our Character and Leadership program, providing the basis on which we have taken our young men along the Path to Manhood in a thoughtful, ethical, and courageous manner. It was Gus who motivated us to formalize the program and who inspired us to reach further than we otherwise would have dreamed.
Gus advocated that we be ardently committed to our convictions about making our hopes a practical reality and encouraged us to make formal that which was being taken for granted. Without intentionality, he said, we would miss opportunities to take our students into the moral “weight room of life.”
What Gus prompted us to achieve has been enduring and has made generations of our boys better men, leaders, and community members. So many conversations at the school include references to the words of Gus Lee. Innumerable interactions begin with Unconditional Positive Respect and doing the Highest Moral Action despite risk to self‐interest. Our students and faculty have learned to disagree well by respecting others, listening first, articulating their discerned conclusions, and making tough decisions with strength and civility.
The Courage Playbook takes these concepts to new levels of self‐awareness in clearly stated ways. What might have been simply noble and vital aspiration becomes tangible, measurable practice—character made real. One's courage is not questioned, but is only expanded to appear more consistently in everyday behavior through empirical suggestions and steps. This work is a superb guide to helping us become our best selves despite fear and stress. By following the recommendations included herein, one will become stronger and find ways to make one's organizations and teams more productive and effective, thriving in ways that might not otherwise have been imagined. In any era, and perhaps especially in today's climate of blaming, name‐calling, and judging others, their actions, and beliefs categorically, The Courage Playbook provides us with a clear and decisive road map to follow. Through courage, Character first. Character last. Character always.
I am eager to learn how The Courage Playbook impacts my former school and all others. From this vantage point, I envision tomorrow's leaders will exhibit courage, be unafraid to take necessary and intelligent risks, and will hold close the greater good and the well‐being of others as their personal desires. Forward we go with courage!
Arnie Holtberg, Eugene McDermott Headmaster, St. Mark's School of Texas (Retired); Principal, Hong Kong International School; and former NY Yankees minor league catcher
Acknowledgments
To Diane, for her guidance in writing The Playbook and all of our books, and mostly for her love and for everything in everything.
To the many who rescued, encouraged, and trained me in courage. Special appreciation to those who make the world a better place by having dedicated their lives to the development of courage, character, and leaders of character, with my personal thanks to Coaches Antonio Gallo and Bonifacio Tizon; Toussaint Streat, MD; Terry Stein, MD; Professors Warren Bennis, Kwang‐ching Liu, and James R. Edwards; CEOs Christopher A. Kay and Richard K. Eitel; Dr. Tim Keller, and to those who have done so at West Point and in the US Army: Dr. James “Sully” Sullivan; COL (Ret) Larry “Whitey” White; CSM (Ret) Theodore L. Dobol; CSM (Ret) George Kihara; GEN (Ret) H. Norman Schwarzkopf; GEN (Ret) Fred M. Franks, Jr.; COL (Ret) Douglas Boone; LTG Ronald P. Clark; and COL (Ret) Glenn A. Waters. My special thanks to national security professional Ben Bain for his wise inputs.
Many thanks to my clients and to Gary, Aiden, Bella, Alicia, Caleb, Anita, Sean, David, Josh, Gracie, Clifton, Alphonse, and Deke, who continue to instruct and inspire others.
Our gratitude and love, always, to Jane Dystel and Miriam Goderich of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret, Literary Agents, our dear friends who have made writing possible and enjoyable while keenly shepherding my career. Thanks to my sister, Amy Tan, who opened the door. Thanks to Zachary Schisgal, Dawn Kilgore, Donna J. Weinson, Manikandan Kuppan, and the art and marketing teams at Wiley for their professional support and teamwork in bringing The Playbook to life.
Introduction
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
—Gandalf, in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Ring
In the years since the publication of Courage: The Backbone of Leadership,1 we as a country have seen our levels of conflict, fears, and anxieties soar like an Elon Musk rocket. The first casualties? Our already questionable abilities to respect all people and to actually listen to each other.
The Playbook challenges us to do the highest moral action in the routines of everyday life. It's not about the rarely needed physical bravery of running into burning buildings. It's really about authentically respecting others in the here and now to instill a strong and meaningful rhythm in our daily lives. When do we need courage? Every time we interact with someone or face any manner of decision. Where does this need arise? At home, in families, during commutes, at work, in relationships, in the gym, and out with friends—whenever moments quietly call upon our actual ability to be courageous. Often, we don't even notice or, fearing discomfort, we look the other way. Every day, we lose opportunities to become our best selves. Based on my own history of weakness, I know we can do better. I train people to overcome their fears. Long experience with diverse clients has taught me to focus on two principles:
First, as individuals and as a people, we need to use UPR, Unconditional Positive Respect.
Second, UPR is achieved by practice. Practicing UPR takes courage.
What's courage? It's the deep, mystic chord with which we can lead our lives and inspire others to become their best selves. It seamlessly equips us to improve who we are. It optimizes how we use the time given us. Courage fuels our brave adventuring into a life of deeper meaning, of helping others, of serving a higher, unselfish cause in a grand narrative, of becoming who we always wished to be. It is doing that liberating right thing which at first seems undoable.
Courage counts because we often allow our anxieties, fears, and doubts to play with us like a kitten with ball of yarn. We sweat out energy worrying about the external and forget that we were internally wired to practice courage so that we can lead and live with this great, unflinching, untapped, life‐uplifting source of strength. Courage, like a world‐class runner in the blocks, merely awaits our decision to run the race of life with a stronger purpose.
Courage is many things. For starters, courage is more an action than an abstraction, and is more behavioral than theoretical. Courage is doing the highest and grandest right thing.
As a child, I had many disadvantages with the special decision‐making ability of a defective video game character. This led to a life of fear and flight, of dwindling in the face of challenges. I let myself slide into cowardice. But courage was chasing me. I knew it was there, just beyond reach. I couldn't see it and I couldn't name it—but I could sense it. Later, being coached by selfless men and women forced me to accept that even I could become courageous.
“Life,” wrote Anais Nin, “expands or shrinks in proportion to one's courage.”2 Gaining courage stopped my shrinkage. It changed everything, like Peanuts’ Charlie Brown, the hapless cartoon character never again losing the kite and now always getting to kick the football.
“The Y,” said Coach Tony, “ain't a boxing factory. None o’ you are likely to go pro. The Y's here for you to get inner courage. Build your character. Uh, 'specially you, kid.”
Can anyone acquire courage? Certainly. But today, many can only sense courage the way I did as a child. We know in a vague way that courage is there. But we see it incompletely and understand it imperfectly, with an ancient fear that courage is full of promise but in reality is an unwinnable lottery ticket.
Critically, we forget that courage is a set of practiced behaviors, a way of life, and a fundamental form of human identity.
Courage recruited me, an All‐American Chicken Little. I feared everything, ran from my own fears, and couldn't find “courage” in the dictionary. It methodically equipped me to obey my coaches, practice doing the right thing, train others to beat their fears, and to care for those whom I could reach. Courage gave me life. Because it can be acquired by anyone, never again would I find myself running on empty and fleeing discomfort on the fumes of my fears.
A result is The Courage Playbook, your personal invitation to flex your essential courage muscles before they atrophy from unthinking neglect. Here, intellect, emotions, actions, and inner spirit unite in a principled way so you can become who you were always supposed to be.
This differs from other books on leading your life and the like. It departs from the popular, mainstream leader and self‐development efforts that rely on listening to speakers rather than actually acquiring practical on‐the‐ground skills and focusing on self‐gain rather than on helping others. Per professor‐psychologist‐aviator‐humorist‐writer‐and‐boxer Dr. James P. Sullivan, we win greatness of ability by practicing the skills of courage instead of listening to people talk about them. Crucially, we gain courage for the common good.
The difference is captured in a simple axiom: We get courage by doing courage.
How do we do courage? By practicing its now‐forgotten behaviors.
The Courage Playbook walks you through those actions in five basic Steps.
The ideas and exercises in The Playbook come from a revolutionary courage training program that has equipped individuals and organizations to overcome their fears so they can act with unfettered freedom, resolute confidence, and a sense of humor, all for the right reasons.
It's not how I used to do it. For decades, working for top global and national leader development institutions and business schools, we taught leadership knowledge as if it were an academic subject like English or math. Thousands of smart, experienced, and educated participants took notes, enjoyed personality insights, simulation games, camaraderie, and meals and gave us 4.5 stars. They left emotionally refreshed. But their behaviors hadn't changed. Our binders sat brightly on the shelf, but the learning hadn't installed practical interpersonal abilities. They knew more than before, yet the fears they had on arrival were waiting for them when they returned. The glow lasted about a week. Yet they had not functionally improved as leaders or individuals. We'd taught intellectual theory; we hadn't trained in actual courage and skills.
The participants’ organizations continued to practice denial and blame, avoid glaring problems, tolerate toxic managers and be stymied by poor performance, disrespect, turnover, dishonesty, and divided cultures. They drove for profits instead of quality; picked on others for not improving while refusing to change themselves; didn't want to hear the truth; chose short‐term results over sustainability and became bad companies—sadly, the very issues that had brought them to us for training. In business and in personal lives, they knew more about why they struggled, but didn't know how to implement courageous actions for authentic improvement, to become who they were supposed to be. Courage had been left out of the training schedule. It's as if they had attended a running clinic without stepping outside the classroom; they hadn't learned and then conscientiously practiced the fundamental plays, leaving them to hesitate once the starter gun sounded.
In the language of the earlier book on courage, they had read about crossing the River of Fear—the barrier between us and our best selves—but they hadn't practiced doing it and hence didn't know how to pull it off.
I realized that leadership shouldn't be only for those with rank, and courage can't be only for those who can afford an executive coach. The very definition of courage requires that it be available to everyone and that it not be for you alone; when you gain it by practice, you'll then generously share it.
Courage is essential in leadership—it's impossible to lead and inspire others to be their best selves while being anxious about approval, constantly fearing failure, or avoiding difficulties. But courage is rarely presented as central to human effort and is almost never the subject of actual, practical behavioral training. Research into our national efforts to develop positive work, family, and community cultures through leadership training has confirmed what I'd observed and learned through decades of experience.
Acutely lacking leaders, the United States spends $170 billion every year ($520 per capita) to develop them—without producing effective leaders.3 We've tried agility, change theory, conceptualization, do what you feel, emotional intelligence, execution, fishbones, going to Gemba, pursuing Kaizen, chasing habits, laws, Lean Six Sigma, rules, break the rules, forget the rules, no rules, perseverance, positivity, quality programs, Root Cause Analysis, scrums, speed, sprints, strengths, transparency, trust, and vision.
The results? Per John Kotter of Harvard, we suffer a 400 percent deficit in leaders at every level.4 Dr. Paul Brand, an international medical missionary, noted that Americans, who live with greater physical comforts than most in the world, are unequipped to cope with simple discomfort and are especially vulnerable to sharp disappointments.5
Brimming with good ideas, we have found ourselves back where we began.
We are missing something, and it's big.
What happened? I'll tell you what happened: we lost our courage, and watching endless PowerPoint presentations and taking personality assessments and doing simulations have sadly failed to bring it back. With brains, universities, and a big economy, we sit on the fence of positive action, suffer great falls, and can't put Humpy Dumpty together again.
We've created and then fallen face‐first into a yawning Courage Gap.
But when I was engaged in one‐on‐one executive and private coaching, I did things differently. By guiding clients to courageously stop basic and common negative habits, practice key courageous behaviors, and to be actually accountable, the coaching became personal, relational, and impactful. They became dramatically stronger as listeners, communicators, teambuilders, and effective solvers of tough, recurring problems at work. But beyond that, more importantly, they were able to repeat the same behaviors in their private lives, the place that counts the most. By changing themselves, they inspired change in others. We laughed, not at preplanned jokes to warm up participants, but from experiencing the spontaneous and deeper mirth from the lost art of courageously realizing our foibles. And they then practiced the behaviors of courage, which locked key skills into mind‐muscle‐heart memory, and shared their courage with others. The results were often life‐changing.
I found myself looking more carefully at the goals of leader development and at how to create a training model for real results.
Pitching thought‐based education from a platform or stage, I'd let the university habit of only gathering knowledge to override the practice of courage to equip us to rightly live and lead so we could then actually apply cognitive data.
The first courage book was written for that simpler time and I used boxing examples to illustrate an approach for facing fear. But to train people to actually overcome fear, I had to rely on deeper matters of moral instruction, core identity, family repair, relationship reconciliation, marriage, and parenting.
Half of us are football fans, so half of us aren't,6 but the sport is instructive regardless of what we like. So I studied the training methods of a once‐obscure college football coach named Bill Walsh. Walsh then took over the worst franchise in sports history—the San Francisco 49ers—and transformed the organization, improved the game, and saw his teams win five Super Bowls. It's helpful to know the answer to: How'd he do it?
First, to form a selfless and unified team structure, he picked morally courageous players instead of egotistical superstars. His prime example was Jack “Hacksaw” Reynolds, a tough, old, slow, over‐the‐hill linebacker. Jack was the “most telling personnel move I ever made,” said Walsh. “He set an example for everybody… that single addition was the key to our success.”7
Many heard the word—a failing organization was saved by hiring a humble, nondescript, overlooked leader of character—and preferred to focus on the players that Reynolds led to greatness.
Walsh also picked Joe Montana (“too skinny”) and Steve Young (“too reckless”) because he needed smart and studious (vs. big, huge‐armed) quarterbacks who knew his playbook to fluently call, “Green RT Slot Z Opp Fake 98 Toss Z and watch that safety,”8 and had the mental calmness to make off‐schedule plays. Second, and most importantly, Walsh coached his players to acquire mastery by practice, practice, practice. His coaches identified the skills required for each position. They memorized and practiced hundreds of plays from a huge playbook. Offensive linemen had to personally master 38 specific skills in realistic drills that required more brains than mass. Bobb McKittrick, the bald, well‐read, world‐traveling offensive line coach, turned Walsh's high‐character, undersized, low‐draft picks into 19 Pro Bowl selections.9
“That's the essence,” said Walsh, “repetition developing skills and then under pressure, being able to perform.”10
The Playbook does the same, without the bruising or the need for ice baths and physical therapy. And without the weight of Walsh's Oxford English Dictionary–sized game manual.
How many plays do most of us know, and how many of us get coached in courage?
Only a precious few. Thus, The Playbook.
Courage is not a life panacea but it comes awfully close. In the steps of this playbook, you'll see courage acted out by parents and teens, managers, firefighters, nurses, doctors, teachers, C‐levels, and the jobless. People of every background who saw themselves as good but never brave, and then found their courage because they practiced it. They became effective leaders as courage countered individual fears, natural disrespect, bias and discrimination.
