The Cruelty Men E-Book

Emer Martin

• Herausgeber: The Lilliput Press
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 658

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2018

Beschreibung

Abandoned by her parents when they resettle in Meath, Mary O Conaill faces the task of raising her younger siblings alone. Padraig is disappeared, Seán joins the Christian Brothers, Bridget escapes and her brother Seamus inherits the farm. Maeve is sent to serve a family of shopkeepers in the local town. Later, pregnant and unwed, she is placed in a Magdalene Laundry where her twins are forcibly removed. Spanning the 1930s to the 70s, this sweeping multi-generational family saga follows the psychic and physical displacement of a society in freefall after independence. Wit, poetic nuance, vitality and authenticity inhabit this remarkable novel. The Cruelty Men tells an unsentimental tale of survival in a country proclaimed as independent but subjugated by silence

Leseprobe

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Dedication

To Pattie, who minded two generations of our family in Kilbride and Trim and was my childhood connection to the ancient world. Also to all who were incarcerated in the Magdalene Laundries, Industrial Schools, and mental institutions in Ireland; their endurance and bravery inspired this book.

Contents

Dedication

Prologue

PART I: DISPLACEMENT AND RESETTLEMENT

Connaire O Mac Tire: Wolfland (1653)

Mary: We Lived in a Dream at the Edge of the World (1935)

Padraig: My Little White Darling

Mary: The Graveyard Growth

Padraig: Found by the Hag

Mary: Bridget Is the First to Leave

Padraig: This Can Happen

Mary: My Hair Turns Grey and Maeve Leaves Home

Padraig: With Little Boy a Thaw

Mary: Little Padraig the Fairy Child

Padraig: Makes a Whistle for Patsey

Mary: You Never Knew What He Was Thinking

Seamus: As Bold as a Pig in the Peas

Padraig: Should Not Have Gone Near Him

Seamus: There’s a Wild Look on Him

Padraig: The Trap

Seamus: It Is You Killed my Mother

Mary: A Living Dread (1945)

Padraig: Captured by Balor

PART II: INSTITUTIONALIZATION

Batt: He Was a Great Man for the Stories, It Was Said (1799)

Mary: Mary’s Plan to Save Seán from Seamus and the Cruelty Men (1945)

Maeve: A Very Pious Young Girl

Mary: You Got Two Ends of the Rope

Maeve: Poxy Trim Town (1946)

Mary: The World Goes Around as if There Were Wings on It (1947)

Seamus: I Had Burnt my Coal and Got No Heat

Mary: Whatever Baby Likes

Maeve: I’ve Watched You from the Landing

Seamus: The Weaker Sex

Maeve: It Was Just a Bit of Diversion

Padraig: Whisper It from Tree to Tree

PART III: A MARRIAGE, AND A BIRTH AND A DEATH

Bride: The Earth Wails All Night Because It Has Dreamed of Beauty (1847)

Maeve: My Eyes Were Painted On (1949)

Seamus: A Letter from Brooklyn

Padraig: The Land of Boiled Cabbage

Mary: She’d Go to America and Start Again

Padraig: Put One About You

Maeve: We Have the Songs You Taught Us, That Is All

Mary: The Veils Were Thinner at This Time of Year (1951)

Maeve: He Had Taken Out My Soul and Opened It

Mary: The Luck-Child

Seamus: Then Something Queer Happened (1952)

Mary: It’s a Blessing to Be in the Lord’s Hand as Long as He Doesn’t Close His Fist

Padraig: Balor’s Eye

Maeve: This Is Not a Hospital

Padraig: Crack. They Break the Back

Maeve: Meeting the Grass Man

Seamus: Where Comes a Woman, There Follows Trouble

Mary: We Learnt Their Tongue and Not They Ours (1953)

Maeve: I Had Two Beautiful Children

Hag: I Send Her Leaves and Feathers

Mary: Face the Sun but Turn Your Back on the Storm

Padraig: Crom Cruach in the Form of a Priest

Mary: The Rubbish of Ireland

Padraig: Bloody Slaughter Urges

Mary: The King of Everything

Padraig: Goes to the Centre of the Sun

Mary: The Morning After the Sisters of Mercy Ball

PART IV: THE CURSE

Hag: I Chose Him, You Killed Him

Sadhbh: Woe to Those Who Are Lost in the Time of a Storm (1900)

Maeve: Most of Us Smelled of Paraffin (1953)

Seamus: For Fear He Would Be a Hangman That Would Hang the People

Mary: And Death Not Come to Me Until I Reach It

Seamus: The Wiremen (1954)

Maeve: Going Underground

PART V: THE CLEARING

Hag: You Dreamt of Losing and You Lost

435: Curly Hair Is a Sin (1956)

Baby: Day of My Beloved, the Thursday (1958)

Ignatius: A Walking Hoor (1962)

Baby: Vast Emptiness, Nothing Holy (1958)

435: We Prayed to the Blessed Virgin (1957)

Ignatius: Bad Egg, Bad Bird (1962)

Baby: Firbolgs and Fomorians Running Amok (1958)

Ignatius: He’ll Be With Us for a While (1962)

Baby: A Respectable Institution (1962)

Ignatius: The Saint of Workers (1962)

Baby: Finally, I Was Home in Kilbride (Christmas 1962)

Ignatius: What Would Genghis Khan Have Done?

Baby: He Should Have Run Off to Hollywood

Ignatius: He Had a Head on Him Like a Lump of Wet Turf(1963)

435: And Make Her Like a Wilderness (1963)

Ignatius: The Clearing (1963)

435: 890 Watching Out for 891 (1964)

Ignatius: Sick as a Small Hospital (1964)

Baby: More Nuns! (1964)

Ignatius: Bleeding Gums (1964)

Baby: She Took Me to the 4 Ps (1964)

435: The Wild History of Their Past Has Faded from Their Minds (1965)

Baby: The Burning of the Books (1968)

Ignatius: Now a Free Man (1968)

Baby: Live Horse, and You Will Get Grass (1968)

435: The Mountains Are Not Dead (1969)

Ignatius: All We Have Is Love (1969)

Copyright

Prologue

As a spider, I pluck off my long legs one by one until, reaching the last two, I hesitate and become human.

I am the hag. I am Ireland. I was here before you. And I was already old when you came. I was lonely and I let you come into me.

My hair is a long, strong, ropey grey. My skin is crumpled and cracked. From my anus, I dropped the rocks that form the shore. I pinched the hills into small shapes. I sat into the mountains buckling with ferocious cramps, letting rivers spring from my monthly blood and, as they ran clear, the last traces of this blood turned the hook-jawed silver salmon red. By the time you arrived my sisters were already dead.

One of them killed by the bull.

By the sea alone, I was a shaper. I spat out hawks and scald crows as I danced to keep warm. The moon was wider then. Easier to jump onto. I don’t make those moon landings anymore. A bird whose eggs have been touched by human hands, I never return to that nest.

I’m not ashamed to say I was lonely here; waiting for no one by the edge of a long frozen world. A second freezing. I scraped my nails along the edge of the land and made cliffs. Giant deer got tangled in my guts. My tears pollinated the island’s thawing interior. I screamed out wolves who darted, predatory grey in forests, then, sleeping, I whimpered foxes who left sea onion outside their dens to keep the wolves away.

From the moment I saw you rowing down the horizon I put my fingers out to still the sea for your tiny vessels. The crags of my fingers left a granite trace.

You left your boats behind and entered my forests. The trees accepted you. You felt you were home. My world had been a verb world. The trees were treeing. The birds were birding. The rivers were rivering. The pink salmon, sacred always with the knowledge of return, were salmoning.

Everything was in dance.

You came and marked it all out with those static, false nouns. You were wrong about that too. You didn’t fathom how it was all flowing back and forth and swapping. You didn’t know it never belonged to you; it never even belonged to me.

A time of great change is coming.

I have my end too. But it comes with the last swell of the sun. My time is not fettered by yours. This is the circle that spirals down and down and down and round and round and round. That’s why it was so familiar when you stepped from your boats. It’s why you recognized Ireland at first landing.

For so long you didn’t want me. For so long you created and adopted gods to suit you but they’re all melting away. What did you end up saying about me?

Is fuar cumann cailleach. The affection of a hag is a cold thing. And that’s the truth.

Did you know before I was this, I was something else? Unlike you, I did not shift my shape from noisy ape. I was quiet as a spider – look at all I wove.

I am spider no longer.

You turned away from me, and you’ve said things about me and told stories full of lies. Over a teardrop of time, you did what I thought you couldn’t. In the end, within a mere ten thousand years, you had broken my insect heart.

The change is coming.

Your eyes are dead starlight.

Your souls are sorrowing. You are shining – already gone.

To hell with you! I’ll still be here on the grey edge of the Atlantic when you are done.

PART I: DISPLACEMENT AND RESETTLEMENT

No one went ever to Bolus but in the hope of getting something there.

Proverb from Iveragh, County Kerry

Connaire O Mac Tire: Wolfland (1653)

An English captain of General Ireton’s regiment who was present at a battle in 1647 reported, to king and country, that several of the slaughtered native Irish garrison of Cashel were found to have wolves’ tails.

This came as no surprise. English people referred to Ireland as Wolfland. Wolves were long gone in England and they were horrified to find them rampant in Ireland.

There was a long list of things that they wanted to rid their neighbouring island of: wolves, forests, rebels, the Irish language, harps, priests.

I am Connaire O Mac Tire. I am the last of my line. I lived in the forests among the wolves for the last three years or so. They called us the Tories, ‘pursued men’. I grew up on a farm and there had been a war against the new English settlers since I was a wee boy. These settlers caused much bitterness. But nothing prepared us for what was to come. I was the only boy, and my mother quickly gave me a long knife. In all the confusion, she told me that I was the last of the line in Ireland and to run and hide while my father and all my uncles stood to fight Cromwell’s armies. I hid in a narrow space behind the sheds and covered myself with firewood. I could not see anything, but I heard the ugly screams of battle. When I finally emerged shivering I found my father and his brothers dead in the yard. They took my four sisters and my mother as slaves and sent them off to the tobacco lands. With my heart heavily burdened I slipped away from the Parliamentarian soldiers and I came to the forest. In the dark forest I chanted a prayer my mother had taught me.

May the spectres not harm me during my journey.

They had hunted the few of us who escaped their big guns into the thickest part of the forest. All the townlands were cleared of people, and the crops laid waste. There was nothing to eat. There were children hiding all along the roads, and if the wolves didn’t get them, they joined us rather than be captured. The black plague had broken out. They said the towns were full of it, and one by one all the towns fell to the invaders in a great tide of blood. The wolves grew in numbers, thriving on the chaos and death. All this I saw from the forest.

May old age be mine

And death not come to me until I reach it.

Cromwell had warnings of an invasion of England from Scotland so he went back to England, leaving General Ireton in command. We were hoping our friends the Scots would give trouble and then come help us. We knew it was hopeless by ourselves. The enemy was formidable. In the end, even Black Hugh, son of Hugh Mac Neil, had to creep out of Clonmel and flee. All the news that got to us as we hid among the trees was mighty bad and we were sore tired to hear it.

May my tomb not be prepared,

May I not die on my journey.

In these dense forests we lived close to the wolf. The settlers spoke of us in the same breath as the wolf. They hated the forests that sheltered us. We ran from drumlins, to freezing bogs, to dark forest, causing whatever trouble we could to settlers and soldiers. We picked up those hiding to join us. I was half starved, and my clothes fallen to rags. I killed wolves with my long knife and ate their flesh and wore their skin. We had a tailor among us who had lost all his family to the soldiers; he fashioned the wolfskins into clothes. We only ate wolf meat, and the abandoned pups we took with us, until we became a close pack, wolves and men wearing wolves.

We looked out from the forest; the very branches trembled on the trees. The land lay empty and burnt. Everything we had ever known was dead.

May my return be granted!

May the headless serpent not catch me.

Sometimes the chaos in my head could be stilled by lying against a tree and letting its rooted peace pass into my skull. I began to think tree thoughts. The trees could tell what was happening. I could promise them nothing. I would have died for them. But I wasn’t even sure I could save myself or my pack. And the forest could hardly move with us.

We few who had survived gave as much resistance as we could to the settlers and the army, but they began to set the woods on fire and the hunters were closing in, their barking wolfhounds as big as colts. We could continue no longer like this, and as we lost our terrain we began to make our way west under the cover of night. There was no time I was not frightened for my pack’s life. I hunched hungry in the trees, rattling with the cold. Most of our kind didn’t make it. Some talked of getting to the ports and sneaking off to France and Spain. I wished them well. But I could not leave the land. I remembered my mother’s words. I was the last of the O Mac Tires in Ireland.

Before Cromwell came we had once lived with the wolf. We prayed to the wolves and wished them well so they wouldn’t harm us. We used their ground-down dung to soothe our colicky babies. We ate wolf meat to protect us from seeing ghosts. If you were plagued with nightmares, a wolf’s head under the pillow would chase any demons away. There was an entrance to the underworld in Co. Roscommon. Three women emerged every year from this cave in the shape of wolves.

The foreigners knew nothing of all this. They only knew that the land and people were too wild for them.

The Parliament in England was broke after the War of Three Kingdoms, as they called it, and they were using our land to pay their debts and placate their exhausted armies. Regiment after regiment, troop after troop, were being given our land as they conquered. Their New Model Army was vast, and as efficient in settling as in slaughter.

There was no stopping them.

May no robber harm me,

Nor troop of women,

Nor troop of warriors!

Only the five counties of Connacht were reserved for the ‘home of the Irish race’. The Irish were forbidden to stay within ten miles of the Shannon River.

‘We’ll not go there. It’s too congested and Galway reeks of the plague. We’re going south,’ I said to my pack. We hunted only at night. By day we dug dens, huddled, and told each other stories to keep our spirits. Before he died of a fever, a young boy in my pack told me the story of the BullBhalbhaeand that became my story to tell.

‘Where are we going?’ my pack asked me. I heard tell of a cave in Connacht that was an entrance to the other world. A wolf man called Old Ai came out of this cave. The wolves could use the caves to travel into other worlds. I thought of leading my pack there. If I could find another world I would surely go into it.

One by one my pack was dying off. We found a terrified priest hiding by a riverbank and he joined us. At first he kept looking at me sideways, afraid. He was educated abroad and much travelled. He told us that Cromwell himself despaired of it all, and wrote:

For if the priest had not been in Ireland, the trouble would not have arisen, nor the English have come, nor have made the country almost a ruinous heap, nor would the wolves have so increased.

He was the one who told us that we were called Tories, and some called us Woodkern, since we dwelt in the woods. There was a generous bounty on every wolf, priest and Woodkern in the land. The adult male wolf got its killer five pounds, the same price as a priest. He said they were cutting off the balls of the priests. They found all the harps in the land and built a big pyre with them in Dublin, within the Pale, and destroyed them in flames. We were in grave danger so, for to subdue this land the forests would have to go, and so too the wolves. We knew this. The trees knew this. The wolves knew this. Though their numbers had increased since the land was laid waste, they were now as cursed as we were. Cromwell brought out a bill to destroy the wolves in 1653. I wondered where to lead my pack.

When the new moon came out I would hunker down and try to gather strength. The priest shook his head and got on his knees. He ordered the men to pray. I recited my own prayers taught to me by my mother’s mother.

May the King of Everything

Cast more time my way.

The men were caught between the two of us. I told them to get strength from the moon but to pray with the priest if they saw fit, and it benefited them. I told them they did not have to choose, but the priest warned they would be damned. I thought of killing the priest, but I had never killed any innocent man. In the end everyone followed me, though I didn’t know where I was taking them.

‘You are a born leader,’ he said, one grey day as we sheltered from the rain. ‘You should become a priest.’

‘I cannot, mister,’ I replied. ‘I am the last O Mac Tire in Ireland and I must carry on my name.’

‘Names are of little importance in these dire days,’ he said. ‘You are strange and wild. You are a wolf. But you have a great head for stories. Your memory is like a trap. We could smuggle you out to France, Italy or Spain and get you ordained and you could return and be a greater influence on your people.’

‘I’ll not leave Ireland. I’m looking for an entrance to the world underneath. It’s there I have to go.’

‘But you can’t go there alive.’ He frowned.

‘There are those who can live between two worlds,’ I told him.

‘I pity you.’ He shook his head.

The priest and I vied for the souls of our pack. He told them to renounce violence and pray to God, to stay loyal to the Roman religion St Patrick brought to us. I told them to keep fighting the settlers, and beware of all things foreign. They were weary and sick for the past, before the world turned inside out and they had to become wolves among the trees. The stench of the plague was everywhere so we avoided the few ragged settlements that were left.There in the forest I saw the foxes lay sea onion at the mouths of their dens to keep the wolves away. I could not abide the stuff. We crept west through the forest, moving only at night guided by the stars. One dawn, as we were walking, there was a new bird in the sky. I pointed it out to the priest. Big and bold and black and white. It seemed to have been brought in on a great storm with Cromwell’s armies. The priest said it was called the magpie. It brought us no luck. I hurled stones as I cursed it.

Magpie invader bird

One for certain sorrow,

Swept in with Cromwell

We’ll never rid of you.

The truth is we had been defeated, the land had been cleared and settled with those foreign-tongued, for them the land was not storied, it was just wealth. The woods were now gone, even our music, the mountain of harps in Dublin burnt to a cinder. We ran with the wolves to higher ground. To the great mountains. To the end of the world, looking for another.

On we travelled to the southwest, to the kingless Kingdom of Kerry. We were ambushed by the English soldiers on the bogs. My pack scattered. The wolves made it to higher ground but I feared I was the only man left alive, the priest was badly wounded and I carried him on my back. For miles and miles I bore him, leaving a trail of blood in our wake. He was taken in, at great risk, and hidden in a smallholding. Though it was dangerous, the native Irish felt honoured to have him, and I stayed till he got some strength back. News went round that there was a priest among us. He said Mass in the strange Latin language out on a secret rock and the local people gathered with their heads bowed. I finally got down on my knees and prayed with all my heart and soul. I let his Latin inside me. No one knew what it all meant. But belief was something else.

The priest said he’d stay a little there, disguised as a peasant, as the people were hungry for the Mass. We were sad to part as we had great respect for each other. Though our aims were different, we shared much, and he had many stories of saints and wolves. The last night he urged me to tell the story of the BullBhalbhae to all gathered.

This was my last hiding place. Now all the forests were cut and burned. Solitary, I walked for aeons at night and slept in ditches at day, until I reached Bolus Head, the very end of Ireland. An old old hag, agile as a goat, found me wandering lost and lone, she brought me to her cave in a cliff overlooking the jagged Skellig Islands and fed me some broth. I had strange dreams that night. I woke up somewhere entirely different, on the side of a mountain among five stones standing. I saw a drove of hares on this mountain and they signalled for me to follow. They brought me to a family in the village of Cill Rialaig, called the O Conaills. One of the daughters invited me into her bed and I was welcomed. This was the strangest of times, where wolf and hare lay together. My name would live on. I had stories for them. They had stories for me. For though our English neighbours had gathered all the harps and burned them, the stories could not be burned, or cut down, or hunted. The stories were an unconquered place.

I usually didn’t make anything up in the stories. But there was something in my head that came unbidden and I could not rid myself of it. A chant of words that I knew not its origins. Some kind of prophecy.

Cormac Mac Airt,

Son of a wolf,

A thief took my eyes from my head.

They said if I ate wolf meat it would protect me from seeing ghosts,

But a wolf has eaten the moon,

A wolf devoured the sun,

Now it has turned wide-jawed

To the ice cold frozen,

Tide-wild earth.

A wolf has eaten the world.

Mary: We Lived in a Dream at the Edge of the World (1935)

A man came up the mountain on a bicycle. We lived in Cill Rialaig village on Bolus Head by the township of Ballinskelligs in the Barony of Iveragh in Co. Kerry. Ten houses all in a row at the side of the road. As it was, the road was barely cut out from the mountain. There were no houses on the other side of this road because they would have fallen straight into the sea. There was no facing each other or gathering around each other. There was just a procession of us. Sometimes I felt the houses were the people. With their window eyes and their door mouths, and the wind came in through slate, stone skin and lashed about the insides. Often the hens were blown up onto the rocks that hung over us. There was no shortage of water coming down from the mountains: brown, soft, boggy and cold. We licked it off the mossy rocks.

The Great Hunger was over when I was born but the living memory of it was still strong, and roads around us were jittery with ruins of houses. These ruins were just like the dead. Part of our world, we accepted their sadness, their crowded, blacker past; for this hillside had once been a busier place. Many had fallen from the hunger before they could get away. The ditches we played in as children were full of their bones. Some of them would have survived and settled elsewhere. And if you had family in America sending home remittances, you were on the pig’s back. But the majority who survived ran out of here and never looked back.

We had heard that the English were finally gone after 800 years. Indeed they were gone about four years before I was born, but this had not made much difference for those of us on the last road in Ireland. We existed in a dream at the edge of the world. We spoke only Irish. We lived on the mountain and the mountain lived in us. Empires had fallen on the continent and wars had been fought, lost, won, epidemics had raged, but little mind we paid to it. I can recall the bony cattle standing in the deserted cabins looking with their blank faces out of the windows and the ragged curtains still hanging there. Not only were the houses ruined, but we were forgotten too, remember?

That is until the man came up the road on his bicycle.

He was pushing it up the steep hill and he had a big book strapped to the back. The sun was swollen up that day and the sea was hard and sparkling. The islands that lay just out from us were luminous in the water. Dinnish, Scarriff, and the long finger of the Beara Peninsula with three distant islands, the Bull, the Cow and the Calf. They looked like great floating whales. They were our family too. When you see them every one of your born days it becomes that way. Those islands and the mountains were as much part of me as my limbs.

We children ran to him. It was our hill. We swarmed around him and asked him lots of questions. He was sweating and mopped his brow with a large, white, initialled hanky, the likes of which I’d never seen. He spoke mostly English and a different kind of Irish that didn’t flow, but we could understand. He sat most of the day on a stool outside the O Conaill’s house and instructed us to go fetch all the grown-ups. We ran into the hills and told everyone to gather that evening.

It was the brightest day of the year and the longest, still light when we sat in front of the small fire. We didn’t need it for heat but we did all our cooking in a big black pot over it. There were about thirty people in the house and we ran in and out of the two doors at either side. We’d hare round the cabin and through it again.

We all thought the man was from the Folklore Commission. There was a few of them who went around the country on bicycles and got the stories from the old people before they disappeared into their graves, and all their knowledge with them. For nothing was written down, all was kept in our heads. We welcomed folks from the Folklore Commission. Things were changing so fast, that every time an old person died they took centuries of knowledge with them.

This man was not looking for our stories. He had come for us, body and soul.

‘I’m from the Land Commission,’ he announced.

When the man laid maps on the table before us he explained that we could have land elsewhere, really good land. County Meath, the best land in the country. County Meath was the Royal County; the land had always been good and fertile. The kings of Tara were the high kings of Ireland. The most sacred river in Ireland was the Boyne where the Salmon of Knowledge had once dwelt. For these reasons it was the seat of the ancient kings and queens of Ireland. He told us, it was the part of Ireland where there were the most sacred places.

The new government of Ireland would give it to us, just like that. A fierce excitement merged with deep suspicion, for why would anybody give land for free? The man drank his cup of tea and stood to give a speech. We sat on the floor in front of him and the women sat behind us and the men stood looking in the windows or at the doors.

‘Now that we are an independent country for over a decade, we want to decolonize the country. The Irish language, once outlawed in our very schools, has disappeared so quickly. From the time they hung a tally stick around your children’s neck and marked it everytime they spoke. And beat them for as many marks they had. Is it no wonder it has been so willingly surrendered by a broken self-loathing people? But we are free now and everything will be better. We must take pride in ourselves again, and our language is our pride. We want to revive the Irish language in the East and the Midlands. Everyone has forgotten how to speak there. Vast estates of absentee landlords are being redistributed as small farm holdings to poor farmers from the overcrowded Gaeltacht areas of Connemara, Mayo and Kerry.’

‘Why would ye do that for us? Why not just give us land around here,’ my mother, who was always a talker and afraid of no one, shouted up to him.

‘Look. There’s still too many here for this bad rocky land to support, and the aim is to redress a centuries-old imbalance. The English under Oliver Cromwell forcibly removed your ancestors from the land, shouting “to Hell or Connacht”. How do you think so many of ye got over here to this part of the country? Do ye not remember that? That was in 1649.’

‘Sure they didn’t want this land,’ a man said. The others nodded.

‘Precisely,’ the man continued, mopping his bright red brow with his white hanky. He could see he was winning people over and visibly relaxed. ‘Connemara has been designated as a congested district, and these parts of Kerry; they are overpopulated and the holdings are too small. Sure even in the time of famine the British were passing laws to clear people out from here and thinking the famine would just do the work for them. Am I right? Or am I right?’

This got a hearty, rueful laugh and the man laughed with us. We were beginning to see the sense of what he was saying. The men were looking at each other and the women were wringing their hands to think that life might be changed utterly, as of this moment. As kids we just thought of the night that was in it and picked up on the thrill from our families around us. There were some of the old people who closed their eyes for they knew that they would be left behind. After all they’d seen, they trusted no man from any government, even if it was our own. Dublin felt as distant to these mountains as London once had.

‘This is the genuine article. There won’t be another chance the likes of this in your lifetimes. How many times do we have revolutions that clear the land for people who have suffered such as ye?’ He began to run his pencil around a big map of far-off Meath and draw lines from the west and the south going to it. ‘The Ráth Chairn Gael-tacht is to be established this year. We are offering about twenty-seven families from Connemara, mostly from Ceantar Na nOileán, to be settled on land previously acquired by the Land Commission.’

‘Who did they push off that land? If they’ve been there since 1649 they might have thought of it as home,’ my mother said, and the others looked at her and bit their lips. The man looked down at her and continued without answering.

‘The good news is that your district is designated too, as a congested district, so you are eligible under the scheme.’

We couldn’t quite believe this. The adults wanted all the information. Free land was not something you came by in an ancient fought-over country like ours. The men said they had plenty to think about and the man on the bicycle was offered poitín, which he declined. But he knew well enough not to leave now, but to join in the gathering. Many came up to talk to him personally. He told them at one point that it was their patriotic duty to bring their lovely language back to the people who had lost it and were only left with the enemy tongue in their mouths. That won many a soul over, as we all like to pretend we’re doing somebody good when we’re helping ourselves.

Though I was only a child of ten they pushed me out into the front and I told some stories. I had no voice for singing so that was what I did. My father and mother were proud that I had committed a whole welter of stories to memory by age five and I never missed a word. That was my small gift. Not that it would bring me fortune or even luck but it did shorten the nights for all who gathered. But that night, as the stories were told by the fire and the songs were sung, many of the grown-ups were thinking of other things. They were thinking that leaving those islands out at sea was akin to hacking of their own limbs. They were thinking of going where the people were mute. Where they wandered around their own land unable to utter sounds. Where they encountered one another and could not speak.

I would have loved to be a teacher. That was my dream when I was very young. But even in Bolus Head I had not gone to school; like most of the girls as soon as I was old enough to fend for myself I would be sent off to work as a servant in a town. I was ten now and already my father was making inquiries on my behalf at the market. There was a storyteller in one of the cabins and I listened to all his stories and kept them in my head. He knew as he was telling them that I was remembering. Sometimes I thought it was only me he was telling them to even though there would be a full room.

The old storyteller’s greatest fear was that he would forget his stories, so he used to tell them to himself. While bringing the cattle home, he would come down the road with his arms flying and gesticulating, telling himself the stories out loud, lest they all just dissolved into the back of his brain. Like a fairy child I was only four when I would pad softly behind him listening, and he would brighten when he saw me.

‘Now that the old age pension came in, you don’t see the old people wandering the roads with their stories,’ he would sigh.

The old storyteller died at a great old age and, before he went away from us, I came in and sat by him in front of the fire. He couldn’t speak but I told him one of his stories back to him and in his watery eyes I saw a glimmer. He couldn’t read nor write, nor could he speak English. Neither could I. But I would learn to do both.

We were eligible as a family for relocation, everything was offered us and my parents decided to pack up and go. Mammy was only a girl and the cabin, and field near it, would belong to her eldest brother not her. She was some woman. Once a chick was in our house and a pot fell on it and split its stomach open. Mammy scooped it out of my hands and sewed it back up then and there, and sure enough didn’t the chick become a fine hen. Mammy was tough but I don’t know how tough my father was. He was a man of few words, who did not suffer fools, but he looked to her for everything and he did her bidding. He followed her as night followed day.

My very body started to grieve as soon as I heard. Sure I knew I’d never come back. I walked up to the standing stones on the hill. I howled and raged and it echoed through the surrounding marshes. I stumbled down the mountain onto the road.

We left in a pony and trap. Mammy said she would stay on until she had her baby. She was seven and half months pregnant and didn’t want to make the journey. My father kissed her outside the house. He kissed her on the lips like I’d never seen him do before. We turned away embarrassed. There were six of us childer then.

‘Don’t look so sad, Mary,’ Mammy said to me as I got down out of the cart and ran to her for a last hug. I had never been away from her for even a night. She grabbed my shoulders. ‘You are ten years old now. We’d have had to send you away into service in the town anyway. This way we can keep you for a few more years. That’s one of the reasons I’ve decided. I couldn’t bear to be losing you now but we couldn’t have kept you. You be their mammy until I have the baby and come to you. You are in charge of all the wee ones, do ye hear?’

I nodded, crying now.

‘Whisht your crying girl. You take care of them for me? Promise?’

‘I promise.’

‘They’re in your hands now, Mary. Understand? I’m relying on you.’

My father whooshed me back into the trap. I felt important and scared.

Suddenly Mammy’s face changed as if a cloud had come over her mind, she ran to us all in the trap and we held onto her and embraced her. All of us together. My father turned to the sea and shook his head. Like my mother, he had been born and bred on Bolus Head and him leaving the mountain would be the pain of having the mountain wrenched out of him. He looked away from us at the silver sea and the slate-grey sky with bursts of light like God’s fingers.

She told him, ‘Look at me now. You’ll see the sea again. I saw on the maps there’s a biteen of sea at one end of Meath and I’ll take you to it. Now mind you take good care of all my chicks.’ I thought of her sure hand scooping the wee chick up and stitching it.

Padraig was like a wild hare and had to be secured into the cart for he never could stop moving. Mammy hugged him even as he wriggled away from her, and Maeve and Bridget reached over and threw their arms around her. None of us had ever spent so much as a night away from each other. Seamus was a child with little patience and looked like he wanted to get on with it, he shook her hand curtly. She grabbed Seán, the baby, once more and raised him above her head until he squealed with laughter. ‘My beautiful wee Seán. This one will take care of us all someday.’ She handed me Seán and nodded to me. I knew she was entrusting him especially to me, for he was one of those lit babies, a light inside him that anyone could see. ‘I’ll take care of them all, Mammy.’ By God I tried to keep that promise.

Daddy hoisted himself to the front and gave the horse a lash. We all looked back.

That’s how I remember my mother, Grainne. At the door of the cabin. Her hand shielding her eyes from the sun. Her other hand resting on her giant belly.

We expected to see the man on the bicycle in Co. Meath when we arrived but we never saw him again. There was a barn where they were organizing the arriving families. Each family was provided with a three-room Land Commission house and a farm of approximately twenty-two acres, a sow, piglets and basic implements. That was all they did with us and we were left to fend for ourselves. My father slept with the deeds to his new lands on his chest and his hands over them. Being the youngest of sixteen children, he had never owned land before. To some of the adults it was a triumph, they told us that the defeat of the Boyne was the beginning of our sorrow; it is that which left the stranger and the enemy directing and mastering us. Sure weren’t we pleased as punch that we had avenged the Devil, Cromwell.

So that is how we were given land in Co. Meath and told to work it and speak the Irish. But no one outside the settlement wanted to talk to us. They were angry with us for getting local land for nothing. In their eyes, the government had seized it and given it to strangers, not the local Catholic families who had laboured for the Protestant settlers for centuries. Where was their retribution? We were viewed as colonizers, invaders.

Daddy started to hate it. He had not wanted to go and it was my mother who insisted that life would be better if we did. It was herself that had been excited about the adventure. She was livelier than he was, quicker and funnier and more resilient. He knew it, and he pined for her. She was to have her wee one and join us. But she never appeared as the months went on. Daddy could not leave as there were six of us among strangers and we had to get a crop into the land so we’d have something to eat when it came round to harvest. The fear of starvation was strong in him. Daddy thought it might be too late already. He was given a few pigs and had a bit of money for three or four cattle. We had taken our chickens and they gave us eggs. But we were constantly hungry and missed my mother something awful.

It wasn’t long before Daddy seemed to be leaving us also. He sank further and further into his own self. I asked him, as we worked in the field, what was wrong when I found him hunkered down just pushing the soil with his fingers.

He said, ‘Mary, you tell me what this life is about.’

I thought about an old rhyme.

‘Twenty years a child,’ I recited, ‘Twenty years going mad. Twenty years a sane person. And after that offering up your prayers.’

With that he stood up and stroked my face with his rough farmer’s hand. ‘You’ve listened well to the old man’s stories. I just can’t get used to it here. It’s all so flat.’ He groaned and pulled his trousers up under him. He was getting thinner and thinner.

‘I miss her too,’ I said. ‘She’s our mammy. We don’t like being without her. When is she coming?’

‘No word,’ Daddy growled. ‘If there was only a mountain here to walk up against. Sure I can’t think straight at all, at all, my thoughts do be flying out over the land before I can think them.’

When there were clouds in the evening, rested blue on the horizon line, I’d squint my eyes and pretend they were mountains and it gave me some comfort and I could breathe again. In this grassy, fertile land we dreamt about the rough sea and the cold rocks on the hills. My younger brothers and sisters were put into the local Irish-speaking school set up for us, but I never went. Daddy said I could go as soon as Mammy came but until then I helped my father by running the house. A year and a half later he asked me to look after them all so he could go back to Bolus Head to get Mammy. He said he’d leave me with the pony and trap and he’d take the bicycle. ‘How are you going to go on a bicycle to the other side of the world,’ I asked him. He didn’t laugh. I remembered the journey to get here.

‘I’m a mountain man, Mary. I’ll never settle here.’

‘I do miss being in the mountains. And I miss the sea. Do you, Daddy? Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend I can hear it.’

‘And that priest, Fr Gilligan, always sniffing around. The good thing about the mountain we lived on was the priest in the parish was too fat to make it up the roads to us. We were left in peace.’

I was shocked to hear him talk of a priest like that, but my father was his own man. Though we went to Mass he always told us to give the clergy their own side of the road.

‘Where is she?’ He was tearing at his own head with his fingernails.

‘Maybe the baby is sick and she can’t travel yet. She’ll come. Then maybe if there’s time I can do a year of school before it finishes. I’m eleven now, I want to learn to read. The others have picked it up fast.’

‘I have to find Grainne,’ he said. Using her name and not referring to her as ‘your mother’ like he usually did made me feel suddenly distant from them both. As if I had nothing to do with their lives. As if it was only the two of them. Dessie and Grainne.

‘Remember to leave the grass untopped, so come summer the fields have short green grass and taller brown hay. It looks patchy but that’s how the birds and hares like it.’

‘When will you be back?’ I asked.

He didn’t answer me.

He left when I was outside milking and the only way I knew he was gone was that his pipe wasn’t over the fire and the bicycle was gone and he didn’t come back that night. The house had two tiny bedrooms, one for the men and one for myself and my two sisters, Bridget and Maeve, but all of us children slept in the same one that night.

Padraig was three. He was wild and not talking, so Daddy just let him run around the fields and paid little mind to him. Daddy always did prefer us girls. Bridget and Maeve used to wait on him at the table and he’d always chat to us in the kitchen. In them days the girls had to stand up and give the boys their seats when they came in but my father never asked us to do it for Seamus and Padraig so we stopped doing it. Seamus protested that one too and my father just waved a hand at him and said, ‘Whisht now, Seamus, sure you can find your own seat.’ Then he was gone.

The morning after Daddy left I got all the little ones out to school. They walked down the lane and I watched them. Spring was coming in and the wild flowers were growing in the hedges. I picked some primroses and took my ease that morning because I didn’t have my father around to snarl if the work wasn’t done on time and perfectly. That was something I could depend on, the work was endless. When Daddy was out in the fields he came in hungry, wolfing the food down. I had boiled him potatoes and made stews and baked bread. ‘When your mother comes it’ll be easier on you’ he had said, without looking at me.

That day, I put the primroses into a small inkpot that I found in the field when we first came and filled it with a bit of water. My hands shook so much at first I couldn’t put the flowers in. I took a deep breath and steadied myself.

The neighbour, Patsey, became a constant visitor and he told us about the Cruelty Men.

‘They usually are retired guards or teachers and they wear brown shirts. If you see them get out of their sight. They answer to no one and I’ve heard tell that they take bribes from the local industrial school to get more kids in there and put them to work. They’re shovelling childer in there and they never get out.’

‘What kind of schools?’ I asked, terrified at the thought.

‘If they got their hands on you in one of them schools you’d be a slave for the rest of your childhood. The priests are always looking for more children. You know them schools, you see the children out on the road being marched to work.’

‘They looked starved and ragged,’ I said. ‘A bit like us.’

‘Not like ye. Ye don’t have the look in yer eyes like them childer have. And the state makes sure you don’t escape until you’re sixteen.’ Patsey sighed and got up from the fire. ‘Fr Gilligan arranges to have some of them boys released and put to work on farms. I’ve seen what state they’re in. You wouldn’t be up to all the shenanigans that go on in the name of God and country, I’m not codding ye.’

‘Why do they take them?’ I asked.

‘They’re raking it in, girleen, raking it in.’

Patsey was really the only neighbour who helped us to be sure. The others wanted to buy our little farm. Most felt they had to grow bigger than the twenty-two acres to survive. Patsey was different though. A soft Connemara man always with his cap on his head and a gentle way about him. His tummy was swollen with spuds and butter but his arms and legs were thin. He never entered our house without a blessing; he had a hundred different blessings up his sleeve.

‘Here’s to a wet night and a dry morning!’ he proclaimed this time. ‘There’s a certain class of people who are rabid against the poor because they are so close to it themselves. Look after each other. Ye have your land here and each other. That’s more than many a poor craytur has. Don’t go looking to them priests to help ye. You’ll never see each other or this land again.’

After a cup of tea, Patsey turned and went out into the summer night. The crows in the trees lifted as he swung onto his bicycle.

‘That’s it,’ I said to the little ones. ‘Not a word about yer father going when ye are up at the school. Patsey doesn’t seem like a man to tell a lie. And his land is next to ours so it would be in his interests to have us off it and have it for himself. I think he’s a fair man to give us that warning.’

Seamus sniffed and spat on the kitchen floor where Patsey had stood. ‘Pity he’s he such a dullamaloo.’

Seán came up and put his small hand in mine and led me back to the chair by the fire. We all piled onto the chair and hugged each other tightly. Even Seamus joined in the hug. I vowed I’d lose none of them. I promised them.

I began to work the fields as my father had taught me. The little ones helped when they came home from school but I wouldn’t let the boys give up school until they were twelve. I wanted them to read and write. I wished I could have. There was a fairy ring in the field and a little mound that I was sure was fairy too. It rose out of the field like a hillock all by itself and didn’t look as if it was natural to the land. I was careful with this. I left offerings that we couldn’t afford. I hoped they knew we too were ancient people, and we too had been driven away. We too needed protection.

I sat on the hill and talked to them fairies. I told them that we weren’t land-grabbers, that I didn’t know how right it was that we were farming this new land but that we had been offered it back because Ireland was now free and perhaps our people had once been here and been driven off. The way the land works is that within a few years and a few harvests you feel it inside yourself.

Looking back on it I don’t know if we were happy, but we were all together. Maeve was great at doing imitations of people and we had a good laugh in the evenings. It was our own little world and we were all the people in it. As a child every moment is swollen. Though those years of your life are short, they are the ones that stay with you the longest.

Padraig: My Little White Darling

Remember mother, singing the song, knees thin and strong. She held tightly to the middle. Shh! A stór. A Mhuirnín Ban. My little white darling.

Wide water blue green, dancing sky, writhing clouds, tumbling mountains, long grasses, the rocks on the hill.

The old hag would come, carried to her cave. The wet inside the dark. Soothing ocean curling into the land with white foamy hands beckoning, but no. Drowning would feel nice but no more.

Brown shirt, brown shirt, brown shirt. The Cruelty Men are coming. Hide, burrow underground

Mary: The Graveyard Growth

When I was fifteen Patsey came around and took off his cap when he saw me. He gestured for me to go into the house. There was no blessing this time. ‘Child we’ve got word from Kerry that both your parents are dead.’

I didn’t believe it. Patsey guided me to the armchair by the fire. ‘I know it’s hard and you were always hoping, but you need to get on with things and we need to take care of your land. It’s in your father’s name. We should put in into Seamus’s name. He’s the eldest boy.’

I made Patsey promise that he would not report to the state or the church about this because we were all under age. Patsey nodded. ‘I’ll say nothing and when the lad is eighteen he can take over and ye’ll all be safe then. He can be your guardian.’

Patsey’s eyes were moist but I couldn’t cry. He patted me on the head. He handed me a basket of eggs and some gooseberries. ‘I see you out working all day, Mary. You’re a good girl. Without you they’d have been all sent off a few years ago. If ever you need anything just ask me. I’m getting a new plough and I’ll do your fields for you. You’ve fed me enough dinners.’

The next week there was a man in uniform with a brown shirt that came around looking for us children. He came down the lane on a bike.

Padraig saw him from the field and whistled to me, and I ran into the house before he made it down the garden path. He was a big, grey-haired man who filled the doorway when he entered, he had a round face and his eyes were watery and shrewd. He looked around the house as I offered him tea.

‘Mary, isn’t it? I’ve been sent by people who are very concerned for you. You can’t take care of the little ones. They’re in rags in the school, and as wild as March hares. We’re all concerned for your welfare. You must understand you are too young to have these children in your care.’

‘I’m eighteen,’ I lied. My English wasn’t good and none of these people who came looking for us over the years spoke Irish.

‘Can you prove that, Mary?’ he said sharply.

‘No,’ I said. Seán was terrified and I scooped him up in my arms.

‘Fr Gilligan tells me you sometimes don’t even have the turf to give the children to take to school.’

‘It’s Patsey that gives us the turf, sir. Sometimes I don’t, but when I have they bring it in. I swear to God.’

‘Please child don’t use God’s name in vain. I can arrange to take you to places where none of ye will be hungry ever again, and all of the children under twelve will receive a sound education. What age are you anyhow? Do you have enough to keep the kids warm here?’

It wasn’t help he was offering so I lied. ‘Yes, sir. We’re fine here. We have Patsey here to look in on us. He takes care of us.’ More lies.

Patsey must have seen his bike too, and he burst into the house in an awful hurry through the back door. His big red face almost made me laugh. He ran a wide clay-marked hand over his sprouting black hair, smoothing it over a shiny bald patch.

‘May you always have walls for the wind.’

The Cruelty Man didn’t look happy to see him.

With Patsey there I felt my courage come back. I remembered the promise I’d made to my mother to keep us all safe.

‘You’re the neighbour?’ the Cruelty Man said. ‘Fr Gilligan told me about the situation. I believe it’s between myself and the girl.’

‘I’ve only come to translate, like.’ Patsey said. ‘She speaks mostly the Irish.’

‘I’ve work to do, sir.’ I was emboldened by Patsey’s presence. ‘I’m eighteen years old, so I am. You’re not taking the wee ones. Not until the last cow is gone!’

‘You are a brazen girl. You need to think of your sisters and brothers and what’s best for them.’

‘Mary is well able to look after them.’ Patsey escorted him to the door.

‘What about the feral one? I’ve heard stories they have a brother who sleeps in the shed like an animal. Is this a decent Christian household? I don’t even see a cross up, or a statue.’

I pointed to the St Bridget’s cross we’d made from rushes, he narrowed his eyes at it, as if it were a pagan object.

‘To be sure you’re looking for a shop-bought one with a man dying on it,’ Patsey said. ‘But that’s a real cross where we come from.’