The Irish Kleptomaniac and other Gems E-Book

Donald Montgomery

• Herausgeber: Next Chapter
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

The Irish Kleptomaniac and Other Gems is a collection of mostly humorous verse in the comic tradition of Edward Leer and Pam Ayres.

It also includes a classic account of a Third Round FA Cup Tie, and a celebration of the wonders of the famous Glasgow museum, The Burrell Collection.

Leseprobe

THE IRISH KLEPTOMANIAC AND OTHER GEMS

DONALD MONTGOMERY

CONTENTS

Praise for The Book

I. The Comic Gems

The Artist

The Disillusioned Mp

The Sun Worshipper

Oliver Twist

The Pianist

Pears

The Irish Kleptomaniac

Hindsight

Aunt Lizzie’s Grand Standard Lamp

Lettuce McBain

Ian’s Birthday Cake

April Showers

Unrequited Love

The Bell In The Church Tower

Wildlife

II. The Poetic Gems

At The Burrell Collection

Resurrection

Midsummer

The Western Front’s All Quiet Now

III. The Football Gems

The Juniors On A Summer Night

The Cup Tie

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About the Author

Copyright (C) 2021 Donald Montgomery

Layout design and Copyright (C) 2021 by Next Chapter

Published 2021 by Next Chapter

Cover art by CoverMint

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the author’s permission.

PRAISE FOR THE BOOK

What the papers said.

‘Definitely his best collection yet.’

Dalry Telegraph

‘He can not be serious.’

Sunbury Times

‘Laughter really is the best medicine.’

Reading Digest

‘Enjoy!’

Dawlish Echo.’

PARTI

THE COMIC GEMS

Comic verse inspired by the wonderful lyric writers who compiled the Great American Songbook and by the incomparable Bert Lee, creator of many of the old Music Hall songs which were still popular in my young day, such as Henry the Eighth,I do like to be beside the seaside and many, many more.

THE ARTIST

A French impressionist painter

Well known to folks everywhere

Hated going to the lavatory

Because he had to climb up the stair.

His legs were too short for his body

And on each trip he kept risking his neck.

So he built another lavatory downstairs

And that’s why they called him Two-Loos Lautrec.

THE DISILLUSIONED MP

An outstanding Member of Parliament,

Known as Bill to friend and foe,

Was utterly devastated

When his nymphomaniac girlfriend

Gave him the old heave-ho.

His chums rallied round to console him,

they said; ‘It’s sad but still,

she was only interested in your private members Bill.’

THE SUN WORSHIPPER

On her first day in Spain

She lay out in the sun,

for a tan to show off upon her return.

She took a book of poems

Intending to read them by turns

She started with Browning

And she ended with Burns.

OLIVER TWIST

There’s not a lot of people know this,

Dickens great hero, Oliver Twist,

Served the Empire in Victoria’s day,

As a vice consul of note,

in parts quite remote.

Like Burma, Rangoon and Malay.

Once, when given his pick

On where he would like to go next,

he wasted no time thinking it over.

When asked for his preference

he said with great deference;

‘Please sir, may I have Samoa?’