The Lover's World - Alice B. Stockham - E-Book

The Lover's World E-Book

ALICE B. STOCKHAM

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Beschreibung

Alice Bunker Stockham 1833-1912 was an obstetrician and gynecologist from Chicago, an enthusiastic fighter for a marital and sexual reform. In 1886, her self-publishing company released "Tokology, A Book for Every Woman". This health guide became a bestseller. In 1896, she published Karezza. Ethics of Marriage, an outstanding plea for sexual reform and birth control. Her magnum opus "The Lover's World, A Wheel of Life", published in 1903, is based on her former works comprehending all of her theoretical and practical knowledge as a medical doctor, social reformer, and spiritual thinker. Stockham's opus combines medical, ethical, anthropological, social, philosophical, cross-cultural, mystical, and religious perspectives. It is a key work for understanding the social, political, and intellectual situation in the United States and partially also in Europe about 1900. Her ideas are still very challenging nowadays regarding the crucial relation between sexuality and love, a controversial topic of all time.

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GREETING

THE LOVER’S WORLD, in its entirety, is a treatise on Love and the appropriation and mastery of sexual energy, the use of passion and creative force.

Very early in life, as a medical practitioner, through heart experiences of many, the author was led to take a deep interest in this subject. Men and women were digging their graves with the spade of ignorance. Later her world enlarged, the audiences who listened to her private and public lectures, who read her books, became her friends and correspondents. Through personal interviews and letters she has reached the heart of the world; she has listened to the sad refrain of broken hearts and wretchedness as well as the jubilant song of victory. Hundreds of volumes have been read, long journeys have been taken in order to obtain practical wisdom that could lead people from the bondage of ignorance to the freedom of knowledge.

The Lover’s World, garnered sheaves from the wisdom of books and life’s experiences, is now returned to the heart of humanity.

The fundamental principle of life must show forth in application, must lead one to so order every detail that it shall harmonize with all activities. It is fitting and important to learn the art of beauty and polished manners, to have the knowledge of making an artistic home, to have kindly association with friends and neighbors, to live the perfect conjugal union, to procreate children of beauty and power; all of these are a fulfilment of love.

After all study and research one comes to the conclusion that perfect sexual control is obtained through a perfected manhood and womanhood. The sexual life is a part of the entire life, so as the Lover’s World deals with all stages of life, is a Wheel of Life, each chapter, each precept, directly or indirectly, is intended as a help to mastery. One can not separate and perfect the sexual life by itself. One must have a philosophy upon which to base conduct and learn to govern life by that philosophy.

The Lover’s World teaches that man is a living spiritual being, a soul which he may, if he will, train into effectiveness. It becomes, through knowledge, dominant over every function, and man as creator controls his creations. In the union of love and wisdom, faculties are no more perverted but consecrated to fullest use.

Thus the Wheel of Life with its hub — kosmic mind, its spokes — thought and sense perception, its felloes — outward manifestation, all unified, become a harmonious whole — love, life and intelligence manifesting in will and activity.

Intellect, emotions and passions are trained into service. Strength supplants weakness; knowledge, ignorance; and spiritual consciousness is awakened. The heart life, the real life, becomes manifest in thought, word and deed. A. B. S.

TABLE OF CONTENTS.

PORTRAIT.

GREETING.

CHAPTER I.

LOVE AS LAW.

The Law of Philosophy

Spirit, Soul, Body

CHAPTER II.

LOVE.

Kosmic Love

Purpose of Life

Immaculate Conception

CHAPTER III.

SELF LOVE.

Self Confidence

Crab Apple and Maiden's Blush

All Forces in Man

Evolution of Intuition

Man Not an Imitator

Courage of Self Love .

CHAPTER IV.

ROMANTIC LOVE.

A Brahmin Marriage

Love Not Known in the Orient

Hindu Literature

Stories Founded on Passion

The Domain of Art

Emotions the Gateway to Knowledge.

CHAPTER V.

THE LOVER — MAN.

Love’s Ideals

Equality in Marriage

The Aim of Love

To Choose a Wife

Wamik’s Flight.

CHAPTER VI.

THE LOVER — WOMAN.

Choice of Husband

The New Woman

The Higher Education

Mother’s Clubs

Many Resources

The Accomplished Cook

The Unloved Lover

Marriage Planned by Parents.

CHAPTER VII.

PASSION — WOMAN.

Passion a Gender Sense

The Speech of Love

Repression Unnatural

Thought That Kills

Passion Redeemed

The Virtue of Joy

Woman the Redeemer.

CHAPTER VIII.

PASSION — MAN.

Sex Life the Love Life

Sex the Central Problem

Religion and Science Clasp Hands

There Are No Weeds

It Is Godlike to Create

Power in Passion

Activity and Repose

Sexual Mastery.

Secret of Secrets.

CHAPTER IX.

MARRIAGE.

Conjugal Love

The Marriage Ceremony

The Inner Marriage

Plan for Perpetuity

Urgency of Passion

The Joy of Begetting

Controlled Parenthood

Have No Secrets

The Priest's Blessing

The Karezza Union

Choice of Creations

Liberty and. Law

Chance Procreation.

CHAPTER X.

APPROPRIATION AND MASTERY.

Celibates Lack Training

The Law of Mastery Discovered

Mastery Is Not Negative

Niagara Appropriated

Transmutation Its Law

An Appointed Time

The Law of Agreement

Trust and Confidence

The Spirit of Self Control

Law of Rest and Activity

Willing and Letting

Love and Regeneration.

CHAPTER XI.

PARENTHOOD — ITS PRIVILEGES.

The Miracle of Life

Possibilities of Offspring

Mother Love Inherent

Advance in Sociology. Race Improvement

Love for the Privilege of Loving.

CHAPTER XII.

A NEW LIFE.

Love’s Fruition

The Sacred Gift

Motherhood a Heart Joy

Kosmic Intuition

Departments of Home Science

Prenatal Influences

Girl or boy?

A Qualified Motherhood.

CHAPTER XIII.

LOVE’S FULFILMENT.

A Racial Fear

The Teachings of Tokology

Free from Traditions.

Bless All Labor

The Song of Motherhood.

CHAPTER XIV.

A MOTHER’S MELODY.

A Sacred Joy

Throbbing Fœtal Life

Song of the Layette

A Gift of Lilies

Love’s Awaiting

Two Lovers, a Song

Joys of Parenthood .

CHAPTER XV.

LOVE’S MANIFESTATION.

Birth of a Soul

Painless Childbirth

Physical Freedom

Desire for Offspring Innate

Silence All Fear

One Life, One Law

Power of the Silence.

CHAPTER XVI.

THE LOVER’S HOME.

Many Houses, but Few Homes

Homemaking

Housekeeping a Business

Originality in the Home

Best Ways of Doing Things

Log-cabin Days

Freedom of Tent Life

Home Ethics

Division of Labor

John’s Sample Breakfast.

Comradeship.

Cooperative Dishwashing

An Interesting Trial

Unity of Life .

CHAPTER XVII.

HEALING POWER OF LOVE.

Man Spelled with a Capital M

Love Destroys Fear

Your Medicine Chest Always with You. Love-healing a Re-creation

Wheel of Life.

CHAPTER XVIII.

MIND CURE, OR RIGHT THINKING.

Mind Cure Not New

Science and Religion

Process of Healing

Inventor and Inventions

The Silence

Finding the Christ

Definite Instructions

Fire Upon the Altar.

CHAPTER XIX.

RECREATION.

Pleasure-seekers

Fashionable Exertions

The Love of Work

Love Creates a New World

A Game of Cards

Harmonies of Music

Dancing a Re-creation

A Quaker’s Idea of Music

Life a Kindergarten

The Housekeeper’s Re-creation

The Ministrations of Pleasure.

CHAPTER XX.

SLEEP.

The Animal-man

Is Sleep a Necessity?

Humboldt and Napoleon.

The Soul Obedient During Sleep

Insomnia May Be Normal

The God-man Requires Little Sleep

Visions Unreliable. Symbology of Dreams Uncertain.

CHAPTER XXI.

DRESS.

Dress an Expression of Character

Fashion Gives a Variety in Choice

The Art of Dress

The Outing Costume

House Dresses

Dress an Extravagant Scavenger

Dress Adapted to Pregnancy

Artistic Gowns

Carmen Sylva

Taste Is Morality

Queenly Robes

Artistic Dress for Men

Full Dress a Travesty

Oriental Costumes

Dress Reveals the Self .

CHAPTER XXII.

BEAUTY AND ITS POWER.

Beauty Defined

Standards of Beauty

Face Reflects Soul

All Wrinkles Earned

Health and Beauty Synonymous

Love a Cosmetic

Avoid the Worry Habit

Thoughts Shape the Features

Men Have a Right to Beauty

Beauty Gives Power .

CHAPTER XXIII.

COURTESY LOVE’S LANGUAGE.

Sincerity the Basis of Courtesy

Manners the Ensigns of Character

A Girl Is as Good as a Boy. Courtesy the Speech of Love

The Chaperon

American Chivalry

Gallantry That Won a “ Faire Laydie.”

The Pocketbook a Chaperon

Conquests of the Spirit

Intuition a Reliable Chaperon.

CHAPTER XXIV.

The New-born Child

Baby’s Firsts

Two Garments Required

The Barefoot Treatment

Nature’s Nutriment

Food for Mind and Body. Instinct for Water

The Air Bath

The Naked Frolic.

CHAPTER XXV.

DON’T WORRY.

Don’t Worry Clubs

Germ Theory Good

A Child’s Play-house

Tough Knees and Tender Feet

Freedom to Play

Universal Love

The Child a Gift of Joy.

CHAPTER XXVI.

FREEDOM OF CHILDHOOD.

Love and Freedom

Child Activity

Straight-jacket Treatment

Freedom Under Limitations. The Voyage of Discovery

Song and Story

Traditions Reversed

Total Depravity Abolished

No Soul Can Own Another

Prodigies of Art.

CHAPTER XXVII.

FROEBEL’S LAW OF UNITY.

Unity Is God

Marvels of the Kindergarten

The Child a Born Creator

Learns to Do by Doing. A Rose Always a Rose

The Law of Obedience

Avoid Issues

Love and Trust

Spiritual Life of the Child

Religion of Nature

Concepts and Ideals

The Gospel of Love.

CHAPTER XXVIII.

BOY LOVER.

Fallen in Love

One Girl the Only Girl

Taught by Love

Love’s Searchlight

Awakened in Love

The Gender Sense

A Double Function, Loving and Creating

Physical and Mental Training

Cause and Effect

Creative Energy Appropriated

Home Athletics

The Law of Transmutation

Rest and Activity

The Alembics of Life under Control

Passion Transformed to Power

High Ideals

Franklin a God-man

The Seed of Life Is God-seed.

CHAPTER XXIX.

GIRL LOVER.

Sweet Sixteen

Original Ideas

The Maiden a Century Ago

Sex Differences Disappearing

Motherhood Demands Vigor

The Maiden Loves

Love Unchangeable

The Maximum of Love

Outlets for Activity

Arduous Tasks

Original Entertainments

Soul Victories

Helen of Troy

Lucretia Mott

A Block of Marble.

CHAPTER XXX.

THE AWAKENING.

Faith and Knowledge

Esse and Existo

Conversion

Spiritual Consciousness

Initiation

Brotherhoods and Mystic Orders

The Ways Are Many

With or Without Creed

The Day of Deliverance

SUPPLEMENT

INDEX

EPILOGUE BY THE EDITOR

APPENDIX

CHAPTER I.

LOVE AS LAW.

Without the law of love the universe would cease to be.

Love is the supreme power of the universe. It is the attracting and impelling force that holds stars and constellations in orderly relation. Through love atom is held to atom to produce stone and sparkling gem; through love in its dual expression plant and animal life are perpetuated. In all creation, in stone, plant and animal, love is the power, law is the process, and manifest life is the result.

Man includes the principles and properties of all life; he is the indestructibility of the rock, the beauty, pliancy and radiance of the plant, the eagerness, alertness and courage of the animal. But he is more than all these, he has a higher consciousness that renders it possible for him to be a lover in a more exalted sense than plant or animal.

Man’s life is impelled and ordered by love; but the ability to be conscious of it, to train his thoughts in harmony with it, to appropriate it to daily use, is a measure of the difference between man and the animal. This power and ability of man by which also he is conscious of infinity, and of himself as a spiritual being, is the basis of all theories of life, the teachings of sages, the fundamentals of all creeds.

The philosophy and religion of the ages unite in teaching that there is a life within a life. Kant’s Noumenon, the Thing in itself, is back of all phenomena. “ The world of Noumena is fundamental and determining. The world of Phenomena, the sensible or objective world, is derivative and dependent, while the two are organically one. The sensible world is the manifestation of the intelligible world, the noumena which are present in and identical with the sensible world, are revealed as a world of spirit. The human spirit finds itself as a dependent center of an ideal life, which is supported in the last resort only by a divine life.”

“ Being is not simply inertly existing in space; no such existence, considered absolutely, is known or knowable. Being is doing, and doing is in the first and last resort, the operation of Spirit. The activity of Spirit is Life.”

Fichte’s “Infinite I ” is absolutely independent, while all is dependent on it. The object must correspond to the “ I ”; its absoluteness demands this.

Hegel gives a philosophy of idealism, as one writes: “ He gathers in the vineyards of the human spirit the grapes from which he crushed the wine of thought. His Idea is the absolute spirit, self-determined, therefore free; independent, therefore infinite. It is the efficient force of the universe, not blind, but intelligence and will. The universe is the process of the absolute; in religious language, the manifestation of God. In the background of all the absolute is eternally present. The rhythmic movement of thought is the selfunfolding of the absolute. God reveals Himself in the logical idea in nature, and in mind. That which is called the noble, the excellent, the perfect in human character, is nothing else in effect than the veritable essence of spirit, the Moral and Divine principle which manifests itself in man. ”

Hegel’s philosophy is realism as well as idealism, and never quits its hold on facts.

Froebel’s Unity is “ self-consciousness, self-intelligencc, self-acting law manifesting in diversity. Everything is of Divine Nature and origin. ”

The purpose of Man’s existence, of all existence, is to express God, the spiritual. Only that which holds within itself the living spirit can become manifest. (See Supplement a.)

The Christ of Christianity is the Divine Spirit, awakened in man, the spiritual kingdom consciously revealed in the heart of man as a kingdom of conquest and power.

What is this Noumenon, this Idea, this Unity, this Christ? Is it not love manifesting in the heart of man?

We have many schools of philosophy, all expositions of man’s soul life and demonstrating his spiritual power; in all and through all is a golden cord of unity which is love.

The consciousness of the redeeming power of love awakens the soul to its possibilities. It is the finding of the Christ in one’s self — a knowledge of the heart-life of man.

One may have been led to love’s awakening through the teaching of theology; through an idealism of philosophy; from seeing the unity of all life in mountain, brook and stone; it may have been revealed in a message from the East; the question need not arise how and where he obtained it; but if he has the larger grasp of life, if he knows the inclusiveness and dominance of the spiritual life, he is a lover from love's own world. He is in the world but not of it; he sees with new eyes, he hears with new ears, and his speech is that of a new man.

Be not dishearted, O man! If this illumination seems fleeting, one glimpse only, no matter how brief, is proof of the possibility of more extended experience. The triune man, spirit, soul and body,1 is so constituted that every part must develop in harmony with every other part. So, when love calls and love lures, be still, O soul, and listen! Cease the babbling of tongues, the hastening to and fro of thoughts, and let love kindle the creative fire, until the ocean of thought is calmed and all life shows forth in symmetry; and beauty.

Thus day after day love walks hand in hand with wisdom and man becomes a lover in his world;

A lover of himself,

A lover of his family,

A lover of friends,

A lover of the race,

A lover of all living creation.

As a child of love, as youth or maiden, as husband or wife, as father or mother, one is always the lover.

Nay, the affections are for all; and he, or she, has most of life, who has them most.

1 Throughout this work the word Spirit is used as the source, the kosmic force or divine nature.

Soul is spirit in action and includes intellect, emotions and sensations, — “ Individual personal existence. ”

Body is manifestation, the visible vehicle of soul expression.

CHAPTER II.

LOVE.

Angels call it heavenly joy;

Infernal tortures the devils say;

And Men? They call it love.

In love, divines, poets and sages have an inexhaustible theme. Artists have pictured it, authors portrayed it, and novelists revealed its many-sided manifestations. Still, the beauty, power and service of love are as yet scarcely known.

Love has no adequate definition; all of its synonyms are tame and unsatisfactory. Affection, fondness, attachment and many others are included in the one grand Saxon word — LOVE.

Love is the manifestation of the God-life in man, the fulfilling of the law. There is only one love, but it is diverse in expression, and for convenience may be considered as: Kosmic love, Self love, Romantic love, Conjugal love, Parental love, Social love.

A constructive, potent thought is love impelling, pushing forth in manifestation. Intellect and intuition unite in a germinating process; this union is a fecundation or conception.

Intuition, the feminine, knows, perceives, desires; it hears in the silence messages from the Absolute; intellect, the masculine wisdom, applies wires, receiver and transmitter, thus converting the messages into veritable creations.

As both masculine and feminine are equally essential for a creation in physical life, so in the realm of spirit, that thought creations may not be abortive, a complete union of the feminine and masculine qualities of mind are essential.

The man who does his work through reason and research; who analyzes, compares and infers, if he has not times when these faculties are coupled with insight — the impression or leading from within — labor may prove in vain. On the other hand, the man who is governed by intuition, who follows his impressions, is likely to run hither and thither; he makes many beginnings, but few completions, is full of visions and prophecies of the new time, but fails to put them into execution.

To make kosmic love effective, there must be nuptials in the soul; it must not be mere lovemaking, a singing of songs and dreaming of dreams, but a controlled conjunction of love and wisdom. This is the immaculate conception in the soul, typified and symbolized in song and story — a worthy theme — as it is the greatest and highest of all experiences. It is appropriately called the new birth, for it is the soul’s perception of its own greatness, of its inner powers, producing an ecstasy or illumination.

As the buried gold is delved from the earth and utilized, as fire hidden in coal becomes fuel for furnace and foundry, so man may manifest in power the strength and efficiency of love.

The great central fact in human experience, is the coming into vital, conscious realization of our one-ness with infinite Love, and the opening of ourselves freely to its divine inflow.

CHAPTER III.

SELF LOVE.

Self reverence, self knowledge, self control, these three alone lead life to sovereign power.

Self love is a natural manifestation of kosmic love. Self love, though ordinarily decried, is inherent in the mind of man and is the essence of self preservation.

In the consciousness of the oneness of all life, the divine self, that is the image and likeness of God, is a revelation of man's possibilities. This is the power and strength of inspiration; this is the foundation of true character. Who knows this has faith, courage and endurance; when he manifests these in efficiency, in bravery, in accomplishment, he receives the commendation and blessing of himself and friends. He trusts himself because of his possibilities. His influence, his attainments, his successes are due to confidence in himself. Consciously or unconsciously he draws from the divine source of his inherent nature. One often needs to cultivate self appreciation, to develop confidence and daring to express this nature.

This is not self adulation, self gratification, love of approbation, vanity and pride, which are merely perversions of self love, prolific weeds in the garden of life to be reclaimed and wisely utilized.

To change a crab-apple into a maiden’s blush, a thorn into a fig tree, a briar into a rose, requires the application of principle. A gardener removes from some secluded corner an old-fashioned rose bush; he cuts and prunes it, leaving only a single brown stalk and the living root. He digs a deep hole, placing in first clay, then a soil composed of sand, manure and leaf mold. The place chosen has no shadow, no umbrageous neighbor to demand sustenance from the soil. He carefully plants this old bush, spreading every rootlet and tendril with skill.

From a florist he has procured buds of a spreading rose tree whose perennial blossoms are noted for beauty and fragrance; with a sharp knife an incision is made in the old stalk, and into this is inserted the new scion, effected in such a way that the life sap of the old will come into contact with the sap of the new and form a union. Faith and hope portend a glad fruition of his labors.

Mark the process; the ever-present life of the old plant is preserved, but its manifestation is changed by the infusion of a new life. The inherent force of the rose life, always good, always potent, is directed by the ingenuity of man. It is no more an unsightly shrub, cumbering the ground, but becomes a thing of beauty to gladden the heart of all who behold. The inherent life is reorganized and is redeemed by the transfusion of new rose blood; and through the alchemy of nature the bush is reclaimed, and behold it is no more a weed.

The symbol is good, but, like all symbols, incomplete. The self-lover is his own gardener, and the weeds of his nature are transformed through a recognition of his real nature, through a knowledge that every soul according to kosmic law is imbued with all faculties and possessed of all possibilities.

That he is an image and likeness of God is not merely a trite saying; it is founded upon truth, and man’s appreciation of the truth makes it not only possible but demonstrates the necessity of self love.

The self-lover sees God not only in murmuring brooks and running streams, but beholds him in him-self, a potent force, omnipotent and inexhaustible, Man in his nature possesses the coherence of rocks, the beauty of plants, virility of animals, the force of water; he also possesses self consciousness, he knows that he knows, and by this knowledge he is able to relate himself to deific force. Wisdom has become united to love and joined to intuition. He lives and has knowledge of life; he is not only governed by the power of attraction, kosmic love, but through knowledge, through the will to command, that force becomes creative and constructive. It serves him in all the activities of life. He becomes master, and all his forces wheel into line and are subservient to his demands through obedience to law that impels all things in a certain orderly manner.

The self-lover is the normal man, the one who trusts and confides in his fellows, but most of all trusts himself; who plants the rootlets of his being in a soil of richness and fertility; who waters them with the sunshine of hope and faith, and most of all, engrafts upon the old stalk the bud of a regenerative life, a life that has cognizance of its own divine nature; he supplements all the possibilities of the old nature with the fragrance and bloom inherent and dormant in the grafted bud.

This is regeneration; the result is:

Confidence in one's genius,

Evolution of intuition.

Courage of individuality,

Mastery.

The self-lover has confidence in his own genius, his own intellect; indeed, in all his faculties. He trusts the self that is ever pushing forth into bloom and fruitage. Self love, self appreciation is that which makes one bold to venture and renders achievement possible. He becomes the rose tree that requires neither stake nor trellis. Does he contemplate a new venture, a journey, business or a life partnership, he knows that intellect and intuition united can make no mistake, that wisdom joined to love gives understanding which straightens tangles, solves problems and overcomes difficulties.

Self confidence begets confidence, so that one ascends mountain heights with determination and exultation. A bitter, overwhelming experience to-day, becomes to-morrow the actor's make-believe or a child's pretense. Each victory makes a future conquest less difficult; the soul mounts the Alpine summits because there is no hint of weakness or vacillation.

Self love is a congenial soil for the development of intuition. One sees, knows and has impressions, the infinite breathes into the finite maturity of judgment and quick responsive decisions. Man does not weigh and reason, for the intuition inspires the thought, quickens the work and impels the deed. There seems no formative stage; results are accomplished, plans are fulfilled, and dreams become created things.

The self-lover has courage of individuality. As no two rose bushes are alike, no one blossom is an exact counterpart of the other, no tree mirrors its fellow in the still water; so of individuals, though one in spirit, yet diverse in manifestation. One star differeth from another star in glory.

Man is not a baboon, to imitate his neighbor, monkey, nor a parrakeet, to babble the speech of parrots. Neither is he merely a thought of Deity or a spark of Infinity — he is rather a stream from the ocean, possessing the qualities of the large body, having limitations that give character and differences.

Does every stream seek the same channel, the same mountain side, the same valley, the -same ocean bed? The Amazon and Mississippi are both mighty and majestic, but in their might and majesty are individual and remarkable for unlikeness. Independent and great minds have no patterns to follow; like oriental rugs, each one is a special conception, varying in hue, color and quality, and yet each has its value.

The self-lover does not build a house, cut a garment, attend a church, join a club to be in fashion. He is self minded and self witted. His speech, his house, his clothes, his activities, bespeak that wit and outpicture that mind. His character is founded on a self made plan, and yet it is no distortion of the original image. The self-lover molds the clay out of which his character is builded, he mingles the colors in a fashion of his own to paint his likeness. The God life manifests in infinite variety, and the self-lover permits this manifestation to build for him a character unlike any other man, a character that exalts the human in the divine and recognizes the divine in the human.

The self-lover is master of his own life. Through a trust in innate powers, a knowledge of his possibilities, he overcomes the foes to progress — fear, weakness, inertia and insincerity.

The self-lover is lithe of body and limb, steady of nerve and strong of muscle; he has health and endurance; his inspiration and expiration represent the breath of life and are a counterpart of his aspirations; his mind is alive, alert and knows not weariness, while his spiritual consciousness is awake to divine realities. He evinces power, courage and efficiency, according to self evolution.

The righteousness of self, the stability of self, the invincible power and courage of self is demanded by the self-lover; according to that demand fulfillment follows.

To entertain no possible fear or doubt about the upshot of things —to be yourself, to have measureless trust; perhaps that is best of all.

CHAPTER IV.

ROMANTIC LOVE.

Love which is sunlight of peace —

Age by age to increase

Till anger and hatred are dead,

And sorrow and death shall cease.

Souls that are gentle and still

Hear the first music of this

Far off infinite bliss.

Romantic love is the love of ideality; it is born of emotion and sentiment; it is the passion conceived for the opposite sex; it is the fairy story of life and is undoubtedly the outgrowth of race development; it is a human manifestation of kosmic love.

Romantic love sees reflected in another the thoughts, feelings, aspirations, ambitions and accomplishments of his own soul; the loved one becomes the looking-glass of the lover.

Successive ages have evolved emotion and sentiment, which in their forms of expression culminate in romantic love. This is an outgrowth of conditions and environment; at the same time it is an important factor in civilization. It is an element in the evolution of man from the animal to the spiritual life.

(See Supplement b.)

Among the primitive races romantic love was not known; among aboriginal tribes to-day it can not be found. In some countries that stand high in art, literature and philosophy, the sentiment known in the West as love is very rare. This is true to a greater or less extent in any country where marriage is contracted by a third party, where royalty, aristocracy or caste governs the relationship.

In India a ceremony that may be called a betrothal occurs very early, often before the children are ten years of age. I witnessed the marriage of a Brahmin youth who was but sixteen and the girl he married was only ten. There was great deference not only to the date, but to the hour and moment defined by an astrologer. Three days previous to the ceremony there was feasting, dancing by nautch girls, burning of innumerable lights and all that accompanies a brilliant oriental festival.

When the high priest pronounced the words that made the bond indissoluble, the mother and a friend held a chuddah between the boy and girl so that they could have no glimpse of each other. The ceremony being completed, the boy returned to the hall of feasting; the girl was carried to her own home in the arms of her uncle, not to meet her betrothed until after there should be signs of maturity; he would then call for her and a final ceremony would be performed and she would behold his face for the first time.

Most writers define this first ceremony as the marriage, but it is only the betrothal, and the marriage takes place when the young man claims his wife; but picturing it at its best, what sentiment, what romance enters into a union like this! Yet, if astrology is unerringly true and its calculations are implicitly followed, then the chances of affection, of an attachment in the conjugal relations, may not be more uncertain than in a union determined by money or position.

In the Orient there seems an entire absence of sentiment in the home relations. Love, as known in the West, never enters the heart of man or woman. Their philosophy decries emotion. It has perfect contempt for Western literature, Western thought and Western customs that are steeped and dyed in romantic love.

In Hindu literature we often find allusions to woman, but if one understands the symbology of that literature, he will most likely find in its interpretation the experiences of the soul and not a reference to material conditions.

It is taught that affection, desire and ambition should be stamped out. The Nirvana of power is emotionless and passionless, while in the West the soul’s higher knowledge often comes through the education given by the senses and affections, through the right appropriation of every faculty and function. The soul, through the sense of hearing, listens for heavenly harmonies, through sight views the radiance of all nature, through its love it learns to love divinely. From sense and spirit, the warp and woof of life, is woven a garment of light and wisdom.

Many of the old stories founded on passion and love recount the struggles and victories of the soul; the story of Eros and Psyche, of Helen of Troy, the Vita Nuova of Dante, and the passionate songs of Solomon, are examples of language symbology adopted by ancient and medieval writers; they are not romances representing the varying relationship between men and women, but rather struggles of the human to embrace and possess the divine. One seeking for higher knowledge and striving for spiritual consciousness, sees in these the struggles and experiences of his own soul.

Romantic love finds its fullest expression in modern literature and art, every phase of passion being portrayed by pen and pencil.

Shakespeare, the king of artists, gave such an impetus to romantic love in literature that all love romances pale in contrast with the resplendencies of his productions.

Since Shakespeare’s brilliant example, there are few works of fiction not colored and enriched by a portrayal of the emotions of love, by the heart experiences of men and women. Has this no significance in race evolution? Through love one comes to know love; through the emotions and passions of human life one is led to a consciousness of the deeper, richer and diviner life that sees all and knows all. The horizon is widened, the perceptions are enlarged, the intuitions awakened and unity born of the divine revealed.

Tolstoi says: “Art should be a vehicle wherewith to transmit religious, Christian perception from the realm of reason and intellect into that of feeling, and really drawing people in actual life nearer to that perfection and unity indicated to them by their religious feeling. The soul activity of the artist speaks through his work to the soul of the beholder, and the emotions thus aroused create a connecting link to the One Life, the Infinite in man.

The Divine Life has always been, but man as an animal is unconscious of it; through a long process, through the education of experience, of joy and suffering, and most of all through his loves, he comes to recognize the love that is universal, to know the unity of all life and his own inseparableness from this, the kosmic life.

We call the love of friend, the love of child, the love of man or woman emotional love. The religious teacher or philosopher often counsels us to stamp these out and know only the divine; but are not these the very gateways to infinite life? They have their origin in the kosmic forces and they awaken the human perceptions to the deeper spiritual life, thus leading to a realization of Universal life.

Love when it is only the impelling of natural attraction, is kosmic through emotion, feeling and desire it leads to soul illumination.

Romantic love through the finer sensibilities and perceptions enables man to feel and know and use the all, the kosmic love.

Whom do you love — father, mother, child, husband, wife? This is good, this is right, but through these loves you must know another — the one Absolute; you find the Christ, and this Christ love is the interpretation of the law, is the gospel of humanity.

If I have all faith so that I can remove mountains and have not love, I am nothing.

Love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters can not quench love, neither can the floods drown it; if a man should give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.

CHAPTER V.

THE LOVER, MAN.

Yet thro’ that one, as thro’ a glass The world I seem to see; And like an image stands that one Of all the world to me;

And through that inspiration given As through some morning sun, I sing, and write, and act for all Best when it serves for one.

Romantic love creates in the mind of man pictures of ideals, it develops the imagination, and through it soul growth follows that enhances happiness. The lover’s world may be seen through magnifying glasses, but the view gives him pleasure. The sun shines more brightly, the grass is greener, flowers are more brilliant and varied of hue, men more just and women more lovely. The lover sees all the world through the eyes of love. '

An emotional man, by the time he is ready to marry, may have been in love many times. Each girj has seemed to him the only one; he has carried her in his heart in day and night dreams, and well may he now ask if philosophy and science have means of guiding him so that he may make no mistake.

Shall he seek the aid of phrenology, which professes to delineate faculties that prove harmonious? May not the stars, through astrology, reveal their secrets to aid his aspirations? Have psychometry and clairvoyance no certain aid in guiding man to choose the one girl from all his acquaintance? Can he in any way be instructed to choose a companion? Can these eyes; can this brain, giddy with exaggerated joy, be entrusted with the choosing of a wife?

Naturally, every man desires that the woman he seeks for a lifelong union shall be one to whom he will give and from whom he will receive happiness. In seeking that happiness he may have found that true satisfaction comes not only by giving and receiving, but by growth, by development of powers that increases capacity for the world’s demands. The union of feminine and masculine in marriage is a union of qualities that are thus made more effective in service. Man does not seek alone personal happiness, but he believes that this copartnership will bring strength of character and spiritual unfoldment. He not only demands this for himself, but desires it also for the one sought. He looks in the united life to make better use of his creative powers, writing better sermons, painting better pictures, and that she, too, shall become more accomplished and brilliant in a chosen vocation. She is not to abandon music, a profession or business to become the housekeeper and administer to the physical life of her husband — incidentally this may be love’s province; what marriage is to do for the unfoldment of her powers is all important; largely speaking, she is a soul seeking soul’s evolution, and united love has a mission toward the accomplishment of that evolution.

Equality seems the best intellectual test to apply to the selection of a life partner. It is not equality of station that money can buy; not equality in education, mere gathering of school-book facts and figures; not equality in ability to row a boat, ride a wheel or wield a golf stick; any or all of these are good for acquaintance or friendship; it is rather equality of perception and discernment, an equal outlook on the affairs of the world.

Man has ceased to seek in a companion one to make a fine setting to his establishment, a mere accessory to his possessions, much as he procures a yacht or racehorse; he has ceased to look for a wife that shall only reflect his glory and renown, that is willing to live in a passive world as a satellite.

He does not look for one who will be cook, laundress, seamstress, scrubwoman and nurserymaid for the sake of being a wife; he looks no more for a toy or slave, for a doll or drudge; but he seeks his equal — a woman regal in her own right, who with him has traveled a like road of experience, has similar desires and aspirations, and whose love is willing to take the chances of station and fortune.

It is well that there should be an agreement on religious and political proclivities — these come very close to every heart, always bearing in mind that freedom of thought may result in change of opinion.

Do you love me? — hold me free! — Love's sweet proof is liberty.

Man need scarcely be deterred from marrying one who has not health of body or physical charms; all other things being equal, he may well know that love and harmony are best promoters and restorers of both health and beauty.

Women who have been delicate and sickly, through a congenial marriage and a right understanding of its privileges, blossom into health and robustness. The consumptive loses the hectic flush, the nerves their morbid sensibility, while the joy of health is manifest in agility, strength and endurance, love being both elixir and tonic.

Man has a right to seek in a woman one who will in every way bring him joy and satisfaction, who by her education and accomplishment may contribute to his development, to his success in a chosen pursuit; at the same time the true man never loses sight of what the fulfillment of love will do for the chosen woman. Her needs, her advancement in an occupation, her soul growth are with his own well considered.

The choice is not made by ordinary standards. A man knows that station, intellectual acquirements and physical accomplishments are only accessories to a soul union. Realizing that there must be a true spiritual relationship, he probably has his surest guide in his own intuitions; alone and in the silent moments of the soul the true answer will come. The rushing, hurrying thoughts are stilled, questions are hushed, the interior faculties are awakened, perceptions are quickened; in the stillness his answer is received.

He can not test himself by seeking the society of many girls. As one rose differeth from another, so every woman has a beauty, an individuality of her own. He loves all the roses of the garden, from the old-fashioned blush rose to the American beauty; the one he selects to wear always closest his heart is the one whose radiance of color, beauty of form, as well as delicacy of perfume permeates fully his own soul; the one whose memory can not be effaced by time, distance or associations. The answer in the silence reveals this chosen one.

Carpenter says: “The aim of love is non-differentiation, absolute union of being; but absolute union can only be found at the center of existence. Therefore whoever has truly found another has found not only that other, and with that other himself, but has found a third; that third is the ONE the Absolute.”

Said to Wamik one who never

Knew the lover’s passion — “Why

Solitary thus and silent,

Solitary places haunting,

Like a Dreamer, like a Spectre,

Like a thing about to die? ”

Wamik answered —“ Meditating

Flight with Azra to the Desert;

There by so remote a Fountain

That, whichever way one travell’d

League on league, yet one should never

See the face of Man; for ever

There to gaze on my beloved;

Gaze, till Gazing out of Gazing

Grew to Being Her I gaze on,

She and I no more, but in One

Undivided Being blended.

All that is by Nature twain

Fears, or suffers by, the pain

Of Separation: Love is only

Perfect when itself transcends

Itself, and, one with that it loves,

In undivided Being blends.”

— Jani

CHAPTER VI.

THE LOVER, WOMAN.

How did she know his heart was hers? He spoke no word Of love to her; how did she know That when she passed or touched him — so — His pulse was stirred?

How did she read his secret thoughts. And never err? How did she know her glances thrilled His soul? That all his heart was filled With love for her?

A free woman’s privilege is to choose her husband. Custom and tradition have proclaimed that she waits to be chosen. She is not to express her love in word or action, but rather she must make a pretense of indifference, no matter how ardent her affection, how deeply the heart is interested, must act a lie about that which most concerns her life interest. (See Supplement c.)

Time was when if a girl was not chosen, she could only sit in a chimney corner and be aunty to somebody’s children. It was the only respectable occupation open to her. She still waits to be chosen, but if the right man does not appear, she may enter any vocation of profit and usefulness. Art, literature, science, philosophy and philanthropy all afford ample fields for utilizing her talent and education. Equally equipped she follows any pursuit side by side with man, with equal hope of success; but in that which is nearest to her heart, which lays the foundation of home, she must forever be receptive and at the same time secretive; she must make no demonstration of her love.

“ For why should woman, any more than man, play dissembler, with so much at stake?”

The romance of literature and experiences of life are full of the tragedies of hidden love. To-day a brilliant young lady is consigned to the tender mercies of a hospital for the insane, who for four years had carried deep down in her heart a passion for a young man whose acquaintance and association had simply been the manifestation of friendship. To-morrow a sweet, sad-eyed woman will lose the hectic flush on her cheek and her friends will listen to the earth falling on her coffin, her heart stilled by unexpressed emotion.

According to Drummond, love is the outgrowth of desire for offspring, and to woman comes naturally the greater care and responsibility of children. With- these considerations, together with her quicker intuitions, it would seem that justice to coming generations demands that she choose the lover who is to be her husband and eventually father of her children.

In animal life most females take advantage of their freedom to make a choice of mates. (See Supplement d.) Bulwer, in “ The Coming Race,” and Sargent, in “ The Woman Who Dared,” represent woman as wooing the man, taking the initiative in love matters. Is this a prophecy of the province of the new woman?

The new girl that is to be the new woman, full of the very best that life can give, will not trust her happiness to the mockery of traditions. The modern woman, with her clubs, her debates, her freedom of action and costume, is forming a public opinion of her own at an amazing rate. Education broad, free and liberal, is now within reach of every young lady. She has not been slow to take advantage of it. Already more girls than boys graduate from high schools. This alone gives them accomplishments beyond any public education that was within reach of women one hundred years ago. Many of our best colleges and universities are co-educational, besides numerous institutions, controlled and operated by the very best talent of the age, are dedicated to the education of young women. These include in their studies, languages, art, literature, philosophy and many specialties. Most of the State colleges and polytechnic schools introduce a scientific course in household economics, while not a few are giving special training in studies that prepare for wifehood and motherhood. Who knows but that the young man of the future will be knocking at the doors of woman’s colleges for the better or special opportunities they may afford. (See Supplement e.)

Added to all this is the advantage of innumerable clubs for women. The mother’s clubs alone, organized in every town and hamlet of the country, are fearlessly handling subjects pertaining to practical life, while clubs and societies devoted to art, music, literature and philanthropy, as well as the organizations accessory to every church, are a great outlet to the talent and energy of the members. Every woman is given an opportunity to develop latent faculties, while thought and speech become free from the shackles that custom may have imposed.

In the evolution of woman she will be able to utilize this intellectual development, guiding it with her instincts and intuitions, and in time dare honestly to express the love that is uppermost.

In her study of ethics, or in the awakening of the inner or soul life, she learns that she must be honest; she can not lie, even to herself. Knowing her own heart, the law of life demands a declaration of that love. True love makes its own declarations; like the boy in school, it whistles itself.

The new man, with his intuitions quickened, his spiritual life awakened, will gladly accept this love as an honest tribute to his manhood. Perhaps the most perfect unions are those where proposals never have to be made, where the life of one is united to the life of the other as naturally as chemical elements unite to form a new product.

The heart love of a woman honestly expressed can never be unwelcome to a true man.

A young woman in love, even under the bondage of conventionality, has many resources. She may act the truth of her soul, although her tongue is bound by traditions. She may resort to gifts that are not considered keepsakes; flowers and fruit are always permissible. These are friendship offerings and yet may be construed as the language of love. A card or booklet on Easter or Christmas may also be a testimony of friendship, with a hint of deeper meaning.

Has she the privilege of preparing his food, even occasionally, she may cater to his taste, doing her best.

Accomplishments in cooking mean much to every man. The saying that the road to a man’s heart is through his stomach, has a truth in it. Taste, as well as sight and hearing, is an esthetic sense; it is an art to gratify it. As one makes the nutrition of the body a science, then to please a man’s taste becomes both an artistic and scientific accomplishment.

Some of the wealthiest and most cultured ladies of the land have made a special study of cookery; they have become famous for the cuisine of their own household, and are often in demand for directing the menus of special functions, dinners, receptions and banquets.

Cooking school and demonstration teas may serve a purpose in many and varied interests of life, while a heart that is won through perfection in this practical science may be ever grateful for the innocent finesse.

A girl may choose her reading and recreations, her studies and amusements to accord to the taste of the young man she loves. This is far better than in a forlorn way mourning unrequited affection, or in the bitterness of resentment employing the stinging weapon of sarcasm. Love leads the way to conquest.

Be natural; be industrious. Fill your life with activities. Take up some regular pursuit or study and become master of it. Be open, frank and cheerful. Avoid boldness and intrusiveness, also the opposite — reticence and the sulks.

Remember, love may not be compelled; remember, too, that you may have idealized him you love. In marriage love that is romantic only is soon shattered. If you have not deep down in your soul found the third, the One Absolute, as Carpenter says, you may be seeking an idol. So strive for unity with the One life; seek the poise of true being and it will be given you to know if the love you so greatly desire is shadow or substance.

Remember, also, that what is good for him is good for you, whether your lives take separate paths or one; if it is his happiness to join hands with another, it is your happiness to have him do so! The experience may be a means of soul growth, and the deeper meaning it has to you the greater development you will derive from it. The time will come when you will recall the experience with joy.

Under the restraints and formalities of present-day customs, it is not at all unusual for a young lady to conceive a dislike toward a young man that shows a preference for her. As schoolmates, as friends and comrades, they may have had a pleasant relationship. The society of each has been mutually agreeable, but at the very moment that she is satisfied that she is singled out for special favors and attentions — the attentions of a lover — she, by some strange mental process experiences a feeling that is entirely opposite. She can not analyze this. When away from him, she reasons about it and endeavors to know her own heart: “We are good friends; why does he seek to be aught else, and then and then ——.” Well, likely, she can not tell more. The truth probably is that she has built up an ideal and has never thought of this friend save as an every-day sort of fellow, and though she may be an every-day sort of girl, she resents the special attention. She may think also herself too young for a lover, or there may be another who holds the key to her heart.

Friendship’s demands require that this feeling be held in abeyance. Go down deep into your heart — find the quiet place — the place not swerved by emotions; your intuitions will guide you aright.

Never for a moment forget to be polite. One who regards the feelings of another knows the pain and joy of that heart. Knowing this, if love can not be given for love, justice and kindliness will rule every act. Search your motives, be honest with yourself, be honest with him, and you will surely be just to him who loves you.

A lover chosen by relatives, friends or a professional may be the one of all most desired, the one long looked for. A free woman naturally rebels against having a husband provided by any means that limits her freedom of choice. To her the methods savor of barter and trade. The innate revolt against a traffic in souls, a money or position value placed upon herself, is so repugnant to the true woman that the best man in the world so presented to her may appear as a dis - tortion of human nature. His angelic side is entirely hidden. If marriage is to be a bondage in which the best qualities of a woman’s soul are prostituted, she prefers to make the choice herself. Fathers and mothers having wide experience and a large acquaintance, with the interest of a daughter at heart, do not always choose for her unwisely. They may have sought the emoluments of riches and station, but at the same time they may not have forgotten to look for character and intrinsic worth.

Young men of wealth may be the chosen of the earth. Certain it is that they have had opportunities to develop their talents, and, too, ma/ be blest with the deeper heart experiences that are beyond all riches and honor.

So, be not too hasty in closing the door of your heart to the one that has been brought into your life for the purpose of marriage. At the same time be not too eager to accept a proffered offer. Having wealth and personal charms, and knowing that you are sought for these, then be sure that the heart’s wealth is equal to material wealth, that the soul’s greatness is commensurate with the social position that has been a measure for a life union.

To marry in direct opposition to parents and friends is hazardous. It should at least be deferred until one knows that the heart is not blinded with emotion; that it is only a romance for a day. To leave father and mother, who have always devoted their love and life to you, to make a new home with one you have known but a short time, with their consent and blessing, means a great deal; but without their benediction, one’s life is cast from its moorings. The new love anchor must be very secure that the barque be not stranded in the storms of life. The circumstances must give a strong argument in favor of a union to consider it for a moment in opposition to the better judgement of those whose love was born with your birth. Ordinarily, the history of such unions is the history of broken hearts, of wretched lives, terminated by breaking up of home, separation from children and the tragedy of a divorce court.

It must be a brilliantly happy life that could in any way compensate for the sorrow and anguish given to parents.

Long ago Miss Mulock said: “I believe that a right love teaches people to think of others first and themselves afterwards.”

A true love given and received is its own guidance. It opens wide the portals of intuition and intelligence; it combines justice and tenderness and makes its own rules of etiquette and conduct. It is not only a love of fellowship, a love for each other, but being of the nature of kosmic love, it becomes creative and inventive; like unto the sun it gives light and warmth to all within its radius. It is as impossible for this love to be for two alone, to be centered and walled into their hearts, as it is impossible for the sun to discriminate or choose those who shall be benefited by its shine.

Each day, life and its possibilities enlarge; thought and speech are freed from restraint, and yet the speech of silence often expresses more than the speech of words; soul answereth to soul, heart to heart; joys are too sweet and too deep for utterance.

In united affection the lover’s opportunity for accomplishment can not be estimated. Selfishness is changed to selflessness, and becomes the love that rejoices with those who are glad, and weeps with those who weep. It is a centrifugal force originating at the center, but ever developing and reaching out to a wider circle.

Love is automatic and by its very nature a perpetual motor; two centers in union form an ellipse and by their own inherent power become constructive. The two do not sit looking in each other’s eyes, eager for adulation and praise, absorbed in plans for self pleasure; rather the consciousness of the new life within themselves gives still another consciousness, and that is of the world without. Relatives, friends, the weak and unfortunate, all, all are recipient of love’s ideals. The more inclusive this love the more truly is it a breath of the Infinite, the more it radiates in peace and power for all.

The grand passion, Love, sets on fire all the stubble of mentality.

CHAPTER VII.

PASSION — WOMAN.

Sexual desire is Love declaring itself through the generative function. Through sex, love expresses duality in all things and is the uniting and combining power revealing strength in the rock or magnet and beauty in the opal or diamond.

Passion is the speech of love. In human life it is inherent and symbolizes the heart-cry for the union of masculine and feminine. It represents fecundating power; born of the soul in consecration, it may germinate soul qualities.

Sexual instinct is the primal motor for reproduction. As evinced in passion, it must be recognized as life crying for life; it is the language of the soul seeking perpetuity. It is not of the flesh. Body can not reproduce itself. All processes originate in the deeper or spiritual life. Procreation is not an exception. To speak of sex instinct as lust of flesh traduces that which gives life. Man is begotten of love, not of lust.

Womanliness is sex expression, the grace of passion; beauty, comeliness, loveliness, vivacity, are the outpicturing of a harmonious sexual development.

The attractive woman, the one who awakens love in many hearts, “the queen in society,” is the woman who in her form, in every movement, in her conversation, radiates love naturally through passion.

Passion belongs to the well-balanced, well-developed, healthy woman as much as to the healthy man. Passion may be called a gender sense, a feeling, a calling for the opposite sex, and is no more to be repressed and blotted out than the senses of sight and hearing.

Sexual instinct has no analog. It has been compared to the desire for food and drink, but this simply is a demand for sustenance, a want created by the process of nutrition and waste.