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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Fachliteratur
- Sprache: Englisch
WINNER of PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT at the Australian Business Book Awards
WINNER of MANAGEMENT & HR at the Australian Business Book Awards
Every negotiation is an opportunity — to connect, collaborate and create value
If you want better business outcomes, you need the confidence and skill to ask for what you want — and get it. The Negotiation Playbook: Strategies That Work and Results That Last shares tactics and tools to boost your communication skills for more powerful persuasion and more creative problem-solving. Backed by insights from behavioural psychology, this playbook reveals the what, why, when, where and how behind skilful negotiation.
Author and negotiation specialist Glin Bayley shows you how to develop more meaningful business relationships in every encounter. With The Value Method™ for negotiation, you’ll discover a five-part framework you can use to generate more successes and better profits. More than this, you’ll learn how to collaborate with stakeholders in a way that generates real, positive impact beyond the bottom line.
The Negotiation Playbook shows you how to:
- Identify and strengthen your own personal negotiation style
- Analyse the data, understand the value you bring to the table and leverage your position
- Develop the agility you need to adapt your approach and solve problems creatively and intuitively
- Strengthen your ability to influence, by seeing and hearing things that others miss
- Create a strategic plan for any negotiation
For anyone who needs to lead, collaborate, bargain, pitch, present or sell, this book offers powerful guidance to achieve long-term sustainable success. The Negotiation Playbook will help you transform your day-to-day challenges — in business and in life — into opportunities for shared rewards.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
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Table of Contents
Cover
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
About the author
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Part I: Foundations of value-driven negotiations
Part Two: The ‘how’ of negotiating with the Value Method
How to use this book
Part I: Foundations of value-driven negotiations
The 6 Ws
Chapter 1: Why we negotiate
We negotiate to exchange value
The high cost of not negotiating
Misconceptions about negotiation
Negotiation is part of everyday life
Negotiation starts within
Avoid misguided pursuits of validation
We negotiate to grow personally
Why master the art and science of negotiation?
Negotiation changes the way we see the world
Chapter 2: Which negotiator type are you?
What's your negotiator type?
Making the unconscious conscious
The General
The Diplomat
The Dealer
The Accommodator
The Avoidant
Dealing with the different archetypes
Negotiator types in team dynamics
Who are you being?
Chapter 3: What to consider in negotiation
What's negotiable?
What gets in the way of discovering what's negotiable?
What do you believe is negotiable?
What behavioural approach do you need in negotiation?
Time to check in with yourself
We need to get creative with levers
Chapter 4: Who matters in negotiation
Who's at the table?
Meet your Joker
Who are you negotiating with?
Who are you really negotiating with?
Who does the buck stop with?
Who's influencing the outcome?
Who's bearing the impact?
Who's got a stake in the outcome?
Who's providing expertise?
Who's going to help if things go south?
Connecting the dots: Your stakeholder map
Chapter 5: When to negotiate
When the conditions exist
When we have signals that the time is right
When we've assessed the readiness of the other party
When the emotional climate is conducive for agreement
When being a first mover gives an advantage
When not to negotiate
When to wait
When to leverage time
Time to check in with yourself
Chapter 6: Where to negotiate
What has sport got to do with where we negotiate?
Home ground: SWOT
Strategies for maximising your home ground advantage in negotiations
Negotiating on the other party's home ground
Away ground: SWOT
Negotiating on neutral ground
Negotiating virtually
Negotiating on email
Negotiating by phone
Part II: The ‘how’ of negotiating with the Value Method
Key 1: Identify the Value
Key 2: Analyse the data
Key 3: Understand your Leverage
Key 4: Embrace feeling Uncomfortable
Key 5: Execute the plan
Chapter 7: V — Identify your value
Understanding the need to feel valued
Our value isn't always equal
Price, cost and value are not the same
What do you truly value?
Identify what they truly value
Perception is their reality
We have different levels of awareness
How are we exchanging value?
How do you know what behavioural strategy to use when?
Your strategy isn't always in your control
Chapter 8: A — Analyse the data
Information equals power
The three stages of negotiation
There are only two sources of data
Why people data matters
Why published data matters
Analyse the data through multiple lenses
The practical use of people data in negotiations
The practical use of published data in negotiation
How to use the data you've gathered for negotiation preparation
Does gathering and analysing data need to be hard?
Simplified strategic approaches to managing data
Chapter 9: L — Understand your leverage
Defining leverage and power
The misconceptions and misuse of leverage
Power vs force
What gives you power?
Fairness is a fallacy
How we influence
Chapter 10: U — Embrace feeling uncomfortable
The cost of staying in your comfort zone
Watch your language
Stop filling the gap
Watch your body language
Shift your focus
Chapter 11: E — Execute the plan
The power of intention
Pre-negotiation
During the negotiation
After the negotiation
Chapter 12: Values for successful negotiation
How much is enough?
The value of creativity
The value of connection
The value of curiosity
The value of compassion
The value of care
The value of contribution
A final word
For more information
End User License Agreement
List of Tables
Chapter 4
Table 4.1 stakeholder map
Chapter 6
Table 6.1 the factors that influence home ground negotiations
Table 6.2 the factors that influence away ground negotiations
Chapter 10
Table 10.1 closing language leaks
Chapter 11
Table 11.1 how to take notes in a negotiation
List of Illustrations
Chapter 2
Figure 2.1 the five negotiating archetypes
Chapter 9
Figure 9.1 Cialdini's seven principles
Chapter 10
Figure 10.1 box breathing
Chapter 12
Figure 12.1 the distinctions between sympathy, empathy and compassion
Guide
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
About the author
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Table of Contents
Begin Reading
A final word
End User License Agreement
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First published 2025 by John Wiley & Sons Australia, Ltd© John Wiley & Sons Australia, Ltd 2025
All rights reserved, including rights for text and data mining and training of artificial intelligence technologies or similar technologies. Except as permitted under the Australian Copyright Act 1968 (for example, a fair dealing for the purposes of study, research, criticism or review) no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise. Advice on how to obtain permission to reuse material from this title is available at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.
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ISBN: 978-1-394-28468-9
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Cover design by WileyCover Image: © Aleksandr Bryliaev/Adobe Stock
This book is dedicated to you, the reader, and our collective journey of becoming, in pursuit of a more compassionate and collaborative world.
About the author
Hi, I'm Glin Bayley. Those who know me well — or those who read my weekly personal blog, Glin & Tonic — already know that I'm more likely to share candid stories of my lessons in life and the mistakes I've made than to boast about my achievements. However, as you'll learn from reading this book, the perception of our value matters not only in our own eyes, but in the eyes of our audience. Authority and social proof are key principles in influencing this perception.
I've spent over 18 years mastering the art and science of negotiation, both consciously and unconsciously, since my first formal training in the subject. Today, I help individuals and teams unlock their potential in this crucial skill. As a negotiation consultant and trainer, I've had the privilege of working with large global enterprises, guiding individuals and teams to achieve transformative results through value-driven strategies.
My professional journey began in commercial finance, working with global food and beverage brands, negotiating with stakeholders, including suppliers and retailers, in sales, buying and procurement.
After a move from England to Australia and nearly two decades in finance, my deep interest and curiosity in self-leadership and human behaviour led me to leave my executive finance career and start my first business, Heart of Human. I work predominantly with senior corporate women as an executive coach, helping them develop their self-leadership and inner confidence to be unstoppable. Through my interactions with clients, I have learned how much a lack of confidence and self-doubt can hold so many incredible women back from negotiating their worth.
This experience led me to an incredible opportunity with a global negotiation consultancy, training teams to negotiate more effectively. During that time, as a recovering ‘Type A’ achiever with a huge drive for performance, I had the profound realisation that negotiation skills are a significantly under-utilised personal and professional superpower. They not only improve performance, communication and relationships, but also give us the confidence to have any conversation.
This led me to start my second business, The Value Negotiator, helping individuals and organisations navigate the complexities of negotiation with confidence and creativity. I focus on developing the skills of commercial business-to-business negotiation as well as on who people become through the process. I truly believe that negotiation isn't just about what you do, but who you become in the process.
In addition to my consulting and training work, I serve as a non-executive board director for a non-profit organisation, furthering my commitment to making a positive impact in the community.
Writing The Negotiation Playbook has been a labour of love and necessity. It's driven by my desire to share insights and strategies that have already transformed my clients' lives and businesses. While my stories may not involve the high-stakes drama of hostage negotiations, I believe they are more relatable to the everyday lives we all lead. I believe that everyone has the potential to be a great negotiator in a way that doesn't compromise their ethics and values, and this book is my way of providing you with the tools and mindset to succeed.
When I'm not immersed in the world of negotiation, you can find me walking barefoot on the beaches of the Sunshine Coast of Australia with my toy cavoodle, Noah; with my head buried in a personal growth book, deepening my spiritual practises; having deep and meaningful conversations with friends; or writing my weekly blog, Glin & Tonic, where I share reflections and lessons learned from my personal life journey.
Thank you for taking the time to read this book. I'm grateful for the opportunity to show you that when you understand how to make agreements well, the most powerful agreements are the ones you make with yourself.
Acknowledgements
First and foremost, I need to acknowledge you, the reader. Thank you from the deepest depth of my heart. You're the reason I wrote this book. It was you I kept in mind, along with visions of the opportunities you would create for yourself and your business, that kept me going when I felt overwhelmed by the writing journey. Hearing your stories connected me to the need to write this book in the hope that, together, we'd lift the level of consciousness in the way people communicate and make agreements. I hope you find this a valuable read and use it as a resource on your journey.
Writing a book is rarely a solo journey. There are many incredible people who have supported this book coming to life.
First is my partner, John. Before the inception of the idea, John encouraged me to take the plunge and book myself into a writers' retreat to explore whether I had a book idea worth pursuing. He's been a willing and gracious beta reader of every single chapter, ensuring the concepts made sense to someone from a non-corporate background. He kept me fed and watered, took care of everything at home, and supported me through a rollercoaster of emotions, keeping me sane. I will be eternally grateful.
Mum and my sister Rosie have been role models of courage and bravery, and a constant source of encouragement and support every time I take on a new big, hairy, audacious goal. Thank you for understanding my drive, keeping me grounded with the truth that I never have anything to prove, and reminding me to always choose happiness.
To Peter Baines and the Wildnest Writers Retreat: your thoughtful, explorative questions, expertise and guidance helped me develop my initial book proposal. The quality time and beautiful, nourishing space you and Claire created allowed me to sit with my ideas and get my thoughts on the page. Thank you for holding me accountable for getting my proposal and first chapter written and submitted. Your support has been invaluable — starting is always the hardest, and you showed me it was possible.
To Lucy Raymond, my executive editor, thank you for asking the difficult questions that helped shape this book. Thank you for believing in my vision and investing in me with the wonderful team at Wiley to bring it to life.
A huge thanks to my structural and copyediting team, Leigh McLennon, Chris Shorten and Melanie Dankel, for being so invested in helping me refine my ideas, for your meticulous attention to detail and for guiding me through the publishing process. You've helped me see the book in a new way and made it even more accessible to the reader.
A heartfelt thanks to Dr. Rosina McAlpine for your generous and valuable insights and guidance on the book writing process and for your support in reviewing my chapters and helping me with the instructional design of the book content. Your warmth and encouraging words made a daunting task much more achievable.
Lastly, I want to acknowledge the incredible people I've had the privilege of working with. Your stories and experiences have deeply inspired and greatly influenced the content of this book. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
For the sake of brevity, not everyone, including dear friends, can be mentioned, but please know I see you and appreciate you.
My heart is overflowing with appreciation.
Warmest,Glin
Introduction
When I was growing up, my mum spoke so little English that I became her unofficial translator, especially during those high-stakes moments when we were buying household goods and services! ‘Ask them for a discount’, she'd tell me in Punjabi, followed by a nudge and her timeless mantra, roughly translating to: ‘What's the harm in asking?’ While some might see this as just haggling, to me, it was a masterclass in understanding value, assertiveness and, oftentimes, the art of persistence.
As a single parent raising two daughters, my mum had no qualms in asking for what she needed. A resilient Indian mother driven by circumstance, she modelled courage and strength, leaning into any discomfort she felt to increase the possibilities of getting better value for her family. Those moments for teenage me, however, were excruciating. Indian or not, every teenager just wants to blend in, right?
But there I was, tasked with blending ‘bargaining’ into ‘British retail etiquette’. I felt so uncomfortable asking, I thought I'd die from the embarrassment. Can you relate to my discomfort? If you took a moment right now to reflect on your comfort level with negotiating, would you say you love it, or would you avoid it even if your life depended on it? Over time, as I advanced in my teenage years, instead of getting more comfortable with being uncomfortable and following the brave example set by my mum, I sought to avoid the discomfort and stopped asking altogether. I shrugged it off as no big deal, but little did I know then that being able to negotiate is a very big deal indeed.
My teenage self didn't realise that she'd stepped away from developing a superpower, one that would have changed her world, and the world of those around her, for the better.
Do you want to develop a superpower? One that helps you understand yourself and others more clearly? A superpower that not only helps you and those around you achieve better financial outcomes, but helps you build stronger relationships both personally and professionally. One that will improve your career and business results, enable you to defuse objections and conflict situations, increase your self-confidence, and hear and see what others miss so that you can make a meaningful difference in the world. Would you choose to step forward or step away?
The power of negotiation, as you'll learn in this book, isn't only about what you can achieve, but more importantly, about who you become through the journey.
Imagine feeling confident in having any conversation, including difficult ones. Imagine asking for what you need and having the skills to get it. Imagine discovering insights that others miss because your perspective is clearer and your ability to connect the dots is more refined. Imagine staying calm in stressful environments and being able to de-escalate and defuse tension, regardless of the situation. You don't have to imagine this if you embrace the power of negotiation.
What to expect from this book
Given that this book is titled The Negotiation Playbook, you may naturally assume that it will guide you on how to negotiate more effectively — and it will. However, this book is not just about developing negotiation skills as something you do; it's intended as a pathway for who you can become.
What I've learned through the journey of developing negotiation skills is that the opportunity for personal growth is like no other. Imagine confronting a situation that triggers your deepest fears and being able to lean into that fear with confidence. The intellectual challenge of negotiation goes beyond just securing a good deal. It compels us to be intentional with every conversation in which we're seeking agreement. It challenges us to recognise our value and frame it in the context of others’ needs and interests to maximise it. Negotiation challenges us to stop seeking external validation but instead honour what we have to offer by considering its usefulness and benefit to those around us.
This book is anchored around the theme of value, the exchange of which is the core premise of negotiation. It is my hope that this book helps you to become the ‘value negotiator’, both for yourself and your business. It's written to inspire you to be impactful in the way you conduct yourself, not just through your involvement in a process. It emphasises the importance of valuing relationships over transactions, and how to handle the dilemma that arises when both relationships and results matter. The essence of this book is to help you use negotiation skills to transform your day-to-day challenges in business and life into opportunities for shared rewards, to help you to explore deeper to solve smarter, and uncover the understanding that drives every deal.
Whether you're a corporate professional negotiating high-stakes deals; an entrepreneur or small business owner growing your business; a parent balancing family responsibilities with personal interests; a consumer in everyday situations, such as buying a home or a car; or an individual navigating personal relationships and major life decisions, there is something of value in this book for you.
Conversations to reach agreements, as we know, can be highly complex, involve high stakes and high emotion, and the outcomes of these conversations are often uncertain. It takes a brave soul to embark on the journey to master negotiation, because doing so requires you to learn how to master yourself. Imagine the impact you could have. You could transform the world around you just one conversation at a time. Imagine the agreements you could make if you were able to powerfully articulate your value in the context of the needs of others. That's the true power of negotiation.
Part I: Foundations of value-driven negotiations
The first half of the book lays the groundwork for understanding value-driven negotiations by addressing the fundamental questions that shape your approach:
Why we negotiate?
Explore the underlying motivations behind negotiation and its significance in both personal and professional contexts.
Which negotiator type are you?
Identify your negotiation style and understand how it affects your strategies and outcomes.
What to negotiate?
Identify negotiable elements and prioritise them based on your goals, while addressing and overcoming common beliefs that hinder effective negotiation.
Who matters in negotiation?
Learn to recognise key players and stakeholders and their roles in negotiation processes.
When to negotiate?
Choose the optimal times to negotiate to maximise your leverage and success.
Where to negotiate?
Understand the importance of setting in negotiations and how different environments can influence results.
Part Two: The ‘how’ of negotiating with the Value Method
The second half of the book introduces the Value Method, a strategic approach designed to keep VALUE at the forefront of your negotiations. Each element acts as a key, unlocking the full potential of your negotiation capabilities.
V: Identify the value
. Learn how to pinpoint the value you bring to the table and what you aim to gain from the negotiation.
A: Analyse the data
. Discover how to use data to inform your strategy, predict outcomes and prepare for various scenarios.
L: Understand your leverage
. Assess the power dynamics at play and learn effective ways to use your leverage.
U: Embrace being uncomfortable
. Find out how to maintain your composure and confidence in challenging or unfamiliar situations.
E: Execute the plan
. Implement your strategy with clear objectives and adaptability to changing circumstances.
In the final chapter, I share the essential values that successful negotiators embody and discuss what sets apart those who thrive as the Value Negotiator.
Values for successful negotiation:
Uncover the key values that drive effective negotiators and learn how to integrate these into your approach to stand out in any negotiation scenario.
How to use this book
You can read this book from start to finish or explore the sections that are most relevant to you at this time. Throughout the book I share personal and professional examples and provide ample opportunities for you to reflect on your own experiences and use the checklists to help consolidate your knowledge. Negotiation has many layers and mastering it isn't achieved overnight — it requires a commitment to practise. With this in mind, this book is designed to simplify the complex and make the challenging aspects of negotiation more accessible for those new to the field, while still offering valuable insights for seasoned negotiators who are open to discovering new perspectives or deepening their existing knowledge. Whether you are taking your first steps in negotiation or seeking to refine your skills, this book is your guide to becoming a more effective and insightful negotiator.
Part IFoundations of value-driven negotiations
How you do one thing is an indication of how you do everything, which is why we're beginning with the foundations. Laying the foundations doesn't mean we're starting with the basics; if I've learned anything about negotiation intelligence, it is that it is anything but basic. My aim is to build your baseline of knowledge quickly so that when it comes to implementation, you have a solid base from which to develop your negotiation practise. I call it practise because, as with most skills, they only stay sharp with continuous development, and ongoing practise is necessary if you wish to reach a level of mastery.
To get the best from this book, my suggestion is to have a particular negotiation scenario in mind — either one you've previously experienced or one that you'd like to have. This way, you can relate the content in this book to your own context.
The 6 Ws
In Part One, we'll cover the core fundamentals: why, which, what, who, when and where. This simple framework helps you consider your own negotiation context, identify the need and take a more holistic approach to the core elements you need to consider. By the end of Part One you will be able to answer the following questions:
Why
do you want to negotiate?
do they want to negotiate?
is this important to you and them?
Which
negotiator type are you dealing with?
communication style is most effective?
issues are likely to be the most contentious?
What
is the scope of the negotiation (i.e. what are the different levers)?
behavioural strategy is appropriate: competitive or collaborative?
mindset and beliefs do you need?
Who
are you directly negotiating with?
is the decision-maker?
else is involved?
When
do you expect to have the negotiation?
would be the optimal timing?
will you need to be fully prepared?
Where
will the negotiation take place?
would it be most conducive to reaching an agreement?
is the least suitable place?
Chapter 1Why we negotiate
Why negotiate? Because we can't maximise the value we get for ourselves and the value we give to others if we avoid it.
Negotiation is about maximising and exchanging value. When we're negotiating, we're aiming to maximise value — what's important to us — which includes the benefit we receive, our usefulness to others and the overall worth of what's being negotiated. The way in which we exchange value is shaped by our personal values as well as what is important to the other person or party.
We negotiate to exchange value
When it comes to the obvious benefits of negotiation, of course we want better financial outcomes for ourselves and our businesses. We want the confidence to ask for what we want and to get it. We want status, recognition and satisfaction at getting a good deal. We want to protect ourselves from being exploited by others, and we want to feel confident and powerful in the process.
It's important to understand that value is subjective; for example, if you're considering a new job, do you value flexible working hours over a higher salary? Or do you value a higher salary above everything else because you want to pay off a home or travel the world?
What we value reflects what's important to us. Our values are deeply personal and vary from person to person. Our values guide our behaviour, influence our decisions, and shape our interactions with others. We'll talk more about this in Chapter 12 when we look at values in negotiation.
However, through countless observations of people I have coached, and my own experiences in business and life, I've seen how easy it is for us to take, or destroy, value (more on this in Chapter 7) by adopting an oppositional approach in negotiation. Alternatively, in seeking to avoid being exploited or avoid our own discomfort, we end up trying to protect value, holding tight to what we already have. We all have those friends who stay in unfulfilling jobs because they believe they'll lose what they have if they ask for better. This approach to protecting value only serves to limit any opportunities to discover more. What's much harder to achieve is maximising the total value that could be available by creating and growing value, so there's more value to share. The problem is many of us just don't know how to achieve this win-win.
One of the key drivers of this, as I mentioned on page 10, is that the concept of value is often misunderstood. How can we communicate our value if we fail to understand what value is? After training hundreds of leaders, I've seen how cost, price and value are commonly thought of as being the same thing, but they're not. Price and cost are monetary measures that focus on a more transactional or economic perspective. While cost and price can change based on various demand-and-supply inputs in the market, the value of something can remain unaffected based on its importance, usefulness, benefit and worth to us. The value of having a safe roof over your head doesn't change because the rent, interest rates or purchase price of your home goes up or down.
Value can also increase and decrease, but its movement is determined by the importance, usefulness, benefit and worth to an individual or group, and is contextual to their needs and interests. A bottle of still water in the supermarket where there is an abundance of other options to choose from won't mean very much. But imagine we were lost in the desert with no food and water, and someone offered us a single bottle of water? We'd value it significantly more in this second scenario. While the costs may not differ much between the two, the price that could be commanded in the second context would be significantly higher, not only in the economic context of supply and demand, but because of the usefulness and benefit, the value, of the water to our survival in that situation. We'll explore the distinction between price and cost in more detail in Chapter 7.
Understanding value is crucial for improving how we negotiate and what we achieve from it. It's important to remember that our core (intrinsic) value as people doesn't change, even though others might see us as more or less valuable depending on what they need at the time. This means our value to others (extrinsic) can change based on their current needs and interests.
Knowing this helps us to not doubt our own worth, but to confidently own it. For example, if a company makes you redundant, it's usually because their needs have changed, not because your personal value has diminished. I've seen friends struggle with their self-confidence after being let go, not realising that it was the company's needs that changed, not their own intrinsic value as individuals. They are still just as valuable as they were before.
I know through my own life and career how much these skills have developed me as a person, how they have developed my strategic and business capability, my understanding of human behaviour and how to protect myself from being exploited by others who carry a different moral compass. But more than anything, they've helped me to get out of my own head, know my value and be more confident in asking for what I want. The conversation with my pesky voice is better managed, and as a result, I am less likely to avoid leaving value sitting on the table undiscovered.
The high cost of not negotiating
I dread to think how much money I've left ‘on the table’ over the years. I'm not just talking about commercial business deals, I'm talking salary offers, salary increases, bonuses, mortgage rates, store discounts, rentals, buying and selling houses, and all the other occasions I failed to ask for what I wanted because I didn't want to feel the discomfort of ‘negotiating’ a better deal. Subconsciously, I didn't want to shatter the belief I had formed that it wasn't possible to get what I wanted. Upon reflection, I realise that belief was to justify my avoidance of negotiating. Is this true for you? Can you think of one or more times you missed out or could have negotiated a better outcome but were too afraid or unsure of how to approach it? If your answer is ‘yes’, this book will help that become a thing of the past.
I started my career in finance as a management accountant, so you'd expect I'd have realised the compounding effect of not negotiating sooner, and therefore avoided the massive loss of the cumulative financial benefits over time, but I didn't. I didn't connect the dots quickly enough that each time I didn't ask for a raise or I accepted the measly inflationary increase without challenging it, that it wasn't just the few thousand in salary I didn't get and the interest I'd have accumulated on the extra cash that I missed out on, it was the compounding effect of every future percentage salary increase being calculated on a lower base. I didn't account for the reduction in pension/superannuation contributions that were also a percentage of my salary. Those decisions to not ask didn't just cost me then, they're still costing me now, and they'll continue to cost me into the future. Perhaps you're starting to see how a choice about your salary now, when you consider the compound effect of the reduced salary, interest and superannuation contributions over the years, will impact the amount you'll have available for your retirement. I think of how much more there could have been if only I hadn't avoided negotiating. If you've made, or are making, the same choices I once did, then we'll work on how you can make the change now so you can maximise the things that are valuable to you.
Compound interest calculator
It's confronting to see how much money you can lose if you choose not to negotiate. To give you a real example, let's say you negotiated a $15 000 increase in salary. If you invested that money in a low interest savings account each year, it could be worth over $1.1 million in 30 years and it could be worth even more with other investment options. This is what it could look like.
Initial deposit:
$15 000
Interest rate:
3% yearly
Time:
30 years
Deposits:
$15 000 yearly (at end)
Deposit increase:
3% yearly
Compounding:
Monthly
Total after 30 years
:
$1 103 540.74
Use an online calculator to punch in some numbers to see how negotiation skills could propel your financial position forward.
When I look back, I realise I was subconsciously choosing the minimum acceptable standard to me. In all my negotiations, I chose comfort over discomfort and told myself stories like:
it's probably not possible to get what I want
if it were available, they would automatically give me more
it's not worth risking looking foolish by asking for what I want.
I accepted the minimum standard of not believing in myself and not believing in my ability to get more value. I was in my own head negotiating with myself, and I had no idea that I had negotiated myself down to a minimum standard that was less than what was available.
Misconceptions about negotiation
Negotiation is very misunderstood. I'm always surprised by the variety of answers I get during training sessions when I ask participants to share what comes to mind when I say the word negotiation. I notice their eyes as they look around the room wondering who's going to answer first, and the short pause before the first person hesitantly answers: win-lose, win-win, conflict, tactics, etc. There is a palpable sense of relief at the end when I reveal that their answers aren't wrong, that each adds a different perspective to how we experience negotiation and what we understand it to be. So, what comes to your mind when you think of negotiation?
During my years of teaching negotiation skills to corporate leaders, I've realised just how often the art and science of negotiation is misunderstood, and why so many people don't achieve the outcomes they hope for. At business networking events or social gatherings, the most common question I'm asked is: ‘What do you do?' This often reveals a significant gap between what people think I do as a negotiation specialist and the actual nature of negotiation.
Many people imagine that negotiation is all about high-stakes scenarios, like big boardroom business deals or intense conflict situations. Even among professionals, there's a widespread belief that negotiation is about using outdated tactics, such as strategic power plays, manipulative mind games or aggressive bargaining. But, in reality, negotiation is much more nuanced and collaborative than most people think.
Negotiation is part of everyday life
Fundamentally, negotiation is a conversation to reach agreement. It's something most of us do every day without realising we're negotiating, and yet, surprisingly, it's a skill many, including some of the most powerful leaders in the world, fail to master.
Before I began teaching negotiation skills to others, I didn't see how universally applicable negotiation is in everyday life and how necessary negotiation skills are to a successful life. Our understanding of negotiation is often limited to specific contexts, such as buying and selling in business, de-escalation during hostage situations, and resolving conflict in legal disputes. Because we don't consciously, or even unconsciously, connect negotiating with everyday conversations, we fail to consider the many benefits of being better at it. Perhaps you're ready to accept the first step that every conversation to reach an agreement is a negotiation.
Let's take today for instance — what negotiations have you completed?
Deciding on a movie:
Did you negotiate with a friend or family member about which movie to watch, finding a compromise that suits both tastes?
Meal choices:
Maybe you negotiated with your partner about what to have for dinner, balancing each of your culinary tastes to decide on a meal that works for both of you?
Work tasks:
You might have negotiated with a colleague over who takes responsibility for the tasks on a project, ensuring that the workload is fairly distributed?
Kids' bedtimes:
