The Pastor and Counseling E-Book

Jeremy Pierre

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 184

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2015

Beschreibung

Pastors spend much of their time counseling people in crisis—a delicate task that requires one to carefully evaluate each situation, share relevant principles from God's Word, and offer practical suggestions for moving forward. Too often, however, pastors feel unprepared to effectively shepherd their people through difficult circumstances such as depression, adultery, eating disorders, and suicidal thinking. Written to help pastors and church leaders understand the basics of biblical counseling, this book provides an overview of the counseling process from the initial meeting to the final session. It also includes suggestions for cultivating a culture of discipleship within a church and four appendixes featuring a quick checklist, tips for taking notes, and more.

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“Biblical counseling, grounded in the sufficiency and authority of Scripture, is essential to the health of the church. Here is a remarkably helpful introduction to pastoral counseling, brimming with sage, biblical wisdom for both new and seasoned pastors. Every pastor needs this book.”

R. Albert Mohler Jr., President and Joseph Emerson Brown Professor of Christian Theology, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

“This book is faithful to God, thoughtful, and realistic about people. It’s clearly written, simple, and practical. We all struggle. How can you and your church learn to care well? Take this book to heart.”

David Powlison, Executive Director, Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation

“This is a book on how pastors should listen to their church members and speak to them, a book on how we should love. It is eminently biblical, practical, and refreshing. Perhaps we should make it required reading for all new elders.”

Mark Dever, Senior Pastor, Capitol Hill Baptist Church, Washington, DC; President, 9Marks

“This book demonstrates to busy pastors that the work of counseling is not only required but possible. If you are overwhelmed by this critical task, Pierre and Reju will steer you through the confusion. Their deep convictions about Scripture have been tested in the crucible of pastoral ministry. I am excited for you to learn from them in these pages.”

Heath Lambert, Executive Director, Association of Certified Biblical Counselors; Associate Professor of Biblical Counseling, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

“The best primer for pastoral counseling I’ve read—and I’ve read many. Frankly, it is the equivalent of at least two excellent seminary courses on pastoral counseling. Read it, apply it, and be equipped for the personal ministry of God’s Word.”

Robert W. Kellemen, Vice President, Institutional Development; Chair, Biblical Counseling Department, Crossroads Bible College

“A gem on the privilege and necessity of shepherding God’s people, this winsomely written primer is loaded with invaluable perspectives, guidelines, and insights on how to love others well during their time of need. I wholeheartedly commend it.”

Robert K. Cheong, Pastor of Care, Sojourn Community Church, Louisville, Kentucky

“A balanced approach to both theory and methodology in one volume, this book will be a great asset for the busy pastor who wants to do biblical counseling but doesn’t know where to start. One’s appetite for truth and practical help will be satisfied, and the fear of counselees and their problems will lessen.”

Rod Mays, Adjunct Professor of Counseling, Reformed Theological Seminary; Executive Pastor, Mitchell Road Presbyterian Church, Greenville, South Carolina

“One of the most important and perhaps most overwhelming things ministers do is counseling. This book provides pastors with a basic framework to approach the troubles and suffering of the people they are privileged to shepherd.”

Justin S. Holcomb, Episcopal Priest; Professor of Christian Thought, Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary

“Pastoring is hard work, a labor of love that requires theological know-how and the heart of Jesus for people who are suffering or straying. This is the best primer available, pointing pastors to the wisdom found only in the Bible and outlining basic methods and procedures for personal ministry.”

Sam R. Williams, Professor of Counseling, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary

“Pierre and Reju faithfully point pastors to the life-transforming good news of Jesus Christ as both the means and the goal of change in counseling. I wish I had read such a book when I began ministry. It would have alleviated many fears about counseling and better equipped me to shepherd my congregation. This primer will be at the top of the list for our interns to read for pastoral counseling.”

Phil A. Newton, Senior Pastor, South Woods Baptist Church, Memphis, Tennessee

“Anything we don’t understand is scarier than it needs to be. This book does an excellent job overviewing the counseling process, identifying common pitfalls, and providing intuitive protocols. It will orient you to your role in the process so that your fears do not distract you from caring for God’s people.”

Brad Hambrick, Pastor of Counseling, The Summit Church, Durham, North Carolina

“A counseling book where the starting point is the Word of God and the objective is a deeper understanding of the gospel, this book is loaded with practical, scriptural insights that can be applied immediately. You’ll find yourself referring to it constantly when counseling.”

Robby Gallaty, Senior Pastor, Brainerd Baptist Church, Chattanooga, Tennessee

“Pierre and Reju have given pastors everywhere a much-needed primer on biblical counseling. This book will tear down the walls of anxiety that pastors feel as they counsel their congregants in a manner worthy of the gospel.”

Dave Furman, Senior Pastor, Redeemer Church of Dubai

“Here is a great help for busy pastors who seek to fulfill their shepherding role through counseling hurting people. The step-by-step approach discusses a variety of issues counselors face and offers practical advice for each stage in the context of developing a culture of discipleship within the church.”

Richard P. Belcher Jr., Professor of Old Testament and Academic Dean, Reformed Theological Seminary, Charlotte, North Carolina

“A complex subject like pastoral counseling is well served by a helpful, biblical, and condensed guide like The Pastor and Counseling. Pierre and Reju deftly summarize the most important aspects of soul care. I highly recommend this book to any pastor as a starter or refresher.”

Stuart W. Scott, Associate Professor of Biblical Counseling, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

“What more could the pastor ask for than a manual providing reasonable, understandable helps on shepherding the flock. Giving hope and help to shepherds in their God-given calling, this book is a must read.”

Thomas Zempel, Pastor of Care Ministry, Colonial Baptist Church, Cary, North Carolina; Professor of Counseling, Shepherds Seminary

“This is one of the first books every shepherd of a local flock should own. It is at once reverently Christ-centered and accessibly practical. Step-by-step the authors outline how pastors can walk alongside hurting people, giving hope and help.”

Chris Brauns, Pastor, The Red Brick Church, Stillman Valley, Illinois

OTHER 9MARKS BOOKS

The Compelling Community: Where God’s Power Makes a Church Attractive, Mark Dever and Jamie Dunlop (2015)

Who Is Jesus?, Greg Gilbert (2015)

Nine Marks of a Healthy Church, 3rd edition, Mark Dever (2013)

Finding Faithful Elders and Deacons, Thabiti M. Anyabwile (2012)

Am I Really a Christian?, Mike McKinley (2011)

What Is the Gospel?, Greg Gilbert (2010)

Biblical Theology in the Life of the Church: A Guide for Ministry, Michael Lawrence (2010)

Church Planting Is for Wimps: How God Uses Messed-up People to Plant Ordinary Churches That Do Extraordinary Things, Mike McKinley (2010)

It Is Well: Expositions on Substitutionary Atonement, Mark Dever and Michael Lawrence (2010)

What Does God Want of Us Anyway? A Quick Overview of the Whole Bible, Mark Dever (2010)

The Church and the Surprising Offense of God’s Love: Reintroducing the Doctrines of Church Membership and Discipline, Jonathan Leeman (2010)

What Is a Healthy Church Member?, Thabiti M. Anyabwile (2008)

12 Challenges Churches Face, Mark Dever (2008)

The Gospel and Personal Evangelism, Mark Dever (2007)

What Is a Healthy Church?, Mark Dever (2007)

BUILDING HEALTHY CHURCHES

Edited by Mark Dever and Jonathan Leeman

Church Elders: How to Shepherd God’s People Like Jesus, Jeramie Rinne (2014)

Evangelism: How the Whole Church Speaks of Jesus, J. Mack Stiles (2014)

Expositional Preaching: How We Speak God’s Word Today, David R. Helm (2014)

The Gospel: How the Church Portrays the Beauty of Christ, Ray Ortlund (2014)

Sound Doctrine: How a Church Grows in the Love and Holiness of God, Bobby Jamieson (2013)

Church Discipline: How the Church Protects the Name of Jesus, Jonathan Leeman (2012)

Church Membership: How the World Knows Who Represents Jesus, Jonathan Leeman (2012)

THE

[ PASTOR ]

AND

[ COUNSELING ]

THE BASICS OF SHEPHERDING MEMBERS IN NEED

JEREMY PIERRE AND DEEPAK REJU

The Pastor and Counseling: The Basics of Shepherding Members in Need

Copyright © 2015 by Jeremy Pierre and Deepak Reju

Published by Crossway

1300 Crescent Street

Wheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law.

Chapter 7 is taken in part from: Deepak Reju and Mark Dever, “The Health of the Church and Biblical Counseling,” in Christ-Centered Biblical Counseling, ed. James MacDonald. Copyright © 2013 by Biblical Counseling Coalition. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Oregon 97402. www.harvesthousepublishers.com. Used by permission.

Cover design: Studio Gearbox

Cover image: © Veer

First printing 2015

Printed in the United States of America

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-4512-2ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-4515-3PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-4513-9Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-4514-6

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Pierre, Jeremy, 1979– author.

The pastor and counseling : the basics of shepherding members in need / Jeremy Pierre and Deepak Reju.

    1 online resource.— (9Marks)

Includes bibliographical references and index.

Description based on print version record and CIP data provided by publisher; resource not viewed.

ISBN 978-1-4335-4513-9 (pdf) – ISBN 978-1-4335-4514-6 (mobi) – ISBN 978-1-4335-4515-3 ( epub)

1. Pastoral counseling. I. Reju, Deepak, 1969– author. II. Title.

BV4012.2

253.5—dc23               2014040450

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

To pastorswho bear many troublesnot theirs To honor the Onewho took a world of troublenot his

Contents

CopyrightSeries PrefaceIntroduction: The Pastor and Wednesday MorningPart OneCONCEPT1 Laboring for Your People2 Where Do We Begin?3 Your Method: How You Do CounselingPart TwoPROCESS4 The Initial Meeting5 Laboring for Change6 The Final MeetingPart ThreeCONTEXT7 Never Laboring Alone: Toward a Culture of Discipleship8 Laboring Wisely: Using Outside Resources WellAfterword: A Labor of LoveAppendix A: A Quick Checklist for the Counseling ProcessAppendix B: What Is Christian Counseling?Appendix C: Personal Background FormAppendix D: A Simple Method for Taking Notes and Organizing DataSpecial ThanksGeneral IndexScripture Index

Series Preface

The 9Marks series of books is premised on two basic ideas. First, the local church is far more important to the Christian life than many Christians today perhaps realize. We at 9Marks believe that a healthy Christian is a healthy church member.

Second, local churches grow in life and vitality as they organize their lives around God’s Word. God speaks. Churches should listen and follow. It’s that simple. When a church listens and follows, it begins to look like the One it is following. It reflects his love and holiness. It displays his glory. A church will look like him as it listens to him. By this token, the reader might notice that all “9 marks,” taken from Mark Dever’s book Nine Marks of a Healthy Church, 3rd ed. (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2013), begin with the Bible:

expositional preachingbiblical theologya biblical understanding of the gospela biblical understanding of conversiona biblical understanding of evangelisma biblical understanding of church membershipa biblical understanding of church disciplinea biblical understanding of discipleship and growtha biblical understanding of church leadership

More can be said about what churches should do in order to be healthy, such as pray. But these nine practices are the ones that we believe are most often overlooked today (unlike prayer). So our basic message to churches is, don’t look to the best business practices or the latest styles; look to God. Start by listening to God’s Word again.

Out of this overall project comes the 9Marks series of books. These volumes intend to examine the nine marks more closely and from different angles. Some target pastors. Some target church members. Hopefully all will combine careful biblical examination, theological reflection, cultural consideration, corporate application, and even a bit of individual exhortation. The best Christian books are always both theological and practical.

It’s our prayer that God will use this volume and the others to help prepare his bride, the church, with radiance and splendor for the day of his coming.

INTRODUCTION

The Pastor and Wednesday Morning

It’s Tuesday afternoon, and you are waging war with your inbox when your secretary buzzes. A church member is asking to speak to you, and it’s trouble. With a quick prayer that is more like a sigh, you pick up the phone and wade into a half-hour conversation that confuses you and, you’re sure, confuses her too. You hang up, your mind racing with what to do with this sudden revelation of just how bad things are between her and her husband. You’ll be seeing the two of them first thing the next day to iron some of this out. How do you begin to prepare for Wednesday morning?

Pastors and lay leaders alike are familiar with phone calls like this. Probably too familiar. Stubborn depression, heart-wrenching adultery, volcanic anger, chronic miscommunication, guilt-ridden pornography struggles, calorie-phobic eating disorders, recurrent cancer, hidden same-sex attraction, suicidal thinking—and that’s the short list. Life in a fallen world is touched with misery. For some, it’s submerged in it. That goes for folks inside the church as well as those outside.

This is why you are a pastor. God has called you to shepherd his sheep, and often those sheep are hurting, confused, or stubborn. But it’s not always clear how to care for them, especially in the more complex situations that weigh them down. You may or may not think of yourself as a counseling pastor, but the bottom line is that you are called to labor for your people in these unsettling problems. And this is a worthy labor.

We offer this primer because in our line of work we frequently get last-minute phone calls from pastors who need help thinking carefully through tough situations at church.

In fifteen minutes, I am meeting with a couple who are about to get a divorce. Here’s what I’m thinking of doing . . .

A young man at our church just admitted to me that he has same-sex attraction. I need to follow up, but I don’t know what to say . . .

Some parents at my church recently put it together that their daughter is anorexic. Is there a place to refer them to?

Most pastors are short on time and burdened with many other responsibilities. Add to this a few common facts that plague the work of a pastor:

Most seminary students take just one or two counseling classes in their degree programs. They often underestimate how much counseling they will do when they reach their first pastorate.Most pastors enter the pastorate to preach and teach, not to counsel. They counsel because it is an expected part of the job, not because they are excited to do it.Both smaller and larger churches have people who have made messes of their lives. Small churches, especially those in rural areas, often have very few resources in their community to draw on for help. A pastor and church are sometimes the only available resources.Church members expect their pastor to help them with their struggles. After all, the members fund the pastor’s salary. They expect him to give them his time, often a lot of it. They may even assume the pastor has instant access to the Bible’s answer for the troubles of life.Weak sheep tend to consume a disproportionate amount of the pastor’s schedule with their problems, demands, and sometimes just general selfishness. Often this comes with very little gratitude to God for the Christlike care given through their pastor and the church.Most church members let their problems get far worse than they need to before they overcome pride and come in for help. Thoughts like “I don’t want the pastor to think poorly of me” or “I can handle this on my own” deceive them. If they had sought help earlier, it would have saved everyone a whole lot of sweat and tears.

What should a pastor do with all this? He may have very little training in counseling. He may have weak sheep making exorbitant demands on his time. He may have precious little relational help to draw on in an unhealthy church. It doesn’t sound all that promising, does it?

DEAR PASTOR, CAN WE HELP YOU?

We want to help by giving you a basic framework to approach your people’s troubles. You may not have a lot of time. You may be fearful of messing someone up permanently. You may simply not want to deal with this stuff. So what you need is both a reminder that the gospel of Jesus Christ is powerful in these situations and some practical guidance for ministering in light of that power.

Here’s what we would like to cover in this short book. In part 1, made up of the first three chapters, we cover the concept of counseling. In chapter 1, we set out a vision for what it means to labor for your people. Our point is simple: shepherds shepherd. Pastors are about the task of making disciples, and discipleship will often include counseling people through difficult situations. This fact should neither annoy nor overwhelm you. It doesn’t necessarily need to thrill you either, but it should make you see caring for troubled people as part of the privilege of loving Jesus. Feed his sheep. In chapter 2, we help you know how to prepare for counseling—how it starts, who starts it, and how to arrange things to run as smoothly as possible. Chapter 3 lays out the basic method of counseling. We explain a helpful technique to explore a person’s trouble and have something redemptive to say to him or her. We discuss the types of questions to ask, the pertinent areas of a person’s life to explore, and how to respond in biblically helpful ways.

The second part, chapters 4–6, traces out the process of counseling, from the initial meeting to the final conversation. We give tips for recognizing heart dynamics, understanding problems theologically, and employing redemptive strategies for change. We want these chapters to help you answer the question, what does the process of caring for this person look like?

The third and final part, chapters 7 and 8, explains the context of counseling. Pastoral counseling occurs within both the church community and a community of resources outside the church. Chapter 7 deals with the reality that you, the pastor, cannot labor alone. It’s not possible for you to do everything and still stay sane yourself. So we’ll help you think about what it means to develop a culture of discipleship in your church that will supplement and enrich whatever counseling occurs. What does it mean to develop a culture in which members help one another thrive in their faith? Chapter 8 then looks outside to the community to see what counselors, doctors, or other relational resources are available. Is it ever wise to refer outside the church? If you do, how can you be confident a particular doctor is going to help and not hurt your church member? What if you can’t find a like-minded counselor in your community, but only those who work from a naturalistic standpoint? Questions abound.

We close the book with a number of helpful practical resources, from a simple definition of biblical counseling to a method for taking notes. These are meant for your use, and we hope they aid you in this worthy labor.

THE REAL POWER IN COUNSELING—JESUS CHRIST

Honestly, no one expects one little book to change your world. Our goal is not to enable you to handle anything that comes your way. The goal, rather, is to give you confidence that in the gospel you have the categories you need to navigate the troubles of your people. Your confidence is not in some super-developed counseling technique, or even in yourself, but in God’s power to change people.

Real confidence is rooted in the life-transforming power of the good news of Jesus Christ. After all, Jesus is the model of how human beings function best. And he came to a malfunctioning world as a substitute for malfunctioning human beings like us. Sin estranges us from God. It estranges everything from God. This is why we suffer and this is why we sin. But Jesus reconciles what was estranged by making payment for sin by his death. And now Jesus lives again, transforming people to live according to his righteousness, according to a reestablished relationship with God. It is God, through his glorious Son, who changes people.

Here’s what we mean more specifically: We human beings were created to display God’s character in the way we think, in what we desire, and in how we act. When a hardened thought, a lustful desire, or a selfish intention emerges in the human heart, that heart is failing to display the character of its Creator, which is patient, pure, and generous to others. In short, everything inside and outside a person was designed to glorify God.

Jesus’s heart was the only one that perfectly displayed the character of God—because he is God himself. But he is also human, like us. Therefore, he is fit to be our representative, our example, our rescuer (Heb. 4:14–16). For counseling, we should therefore keep the following in mind:

Jesus Christ is the means of change. Believing his gospel changes our hearts’ responses. All theoretical wisdom and practical advice in counseling should most centrally promote a relationship with Jesus Christ through faith.Jesus Christ is the goal of change. Displaying his character is the model of maturity we strive for. Circumstances may not change and problems may not go away through counseling, but God promises the power to respond in ways that reflect the trusting obedience of his Son.