The Pastor's Wife E-Book

Gloria Furman

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2015

Beschreibung

Pastors' wives are in a privileged—yet often difficult—position. Various challenges make it is easy for ministry wives to feel discouraged about their relationship with God, lose their wonder at the mystery of the church, and forget the joy of serving alongside their husband. In this encouraging and humorous book, Gloria Furman offers pastors' wives a breath of fresh air, reminding readers that Christ stands ready to help regardless of the circumstance—whether it's late-night counseling sessions, unrealistic expectations about how they spend their time, or complaints about their husbands' preaching. Filled with life-giving truth from God's Word regarding the privilege of ministry in Christ's name, this book will help women joyfully treasure their Savior, serve their husbands, and love their churches.

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“This book is a breath of fresh air, not because it’s personal (which it is), or because it’s practical (which it is), but because it is profoundly biblical. We found Gloria’s Scripture-saturated counsel to be eminently realistic and deeply encouraging. Her wit and wisdom will be good for the pastor and good for the pastor’s wife, which is good news for those in ministry and good news for the church.”

Kevin and Trisha DeYoung, Senior Pastor, University Reformed Church, East Lansing, Michigan. Kevin and Trisha have been married for twelve years and have six children.

“Pastor’s wives are deep in the trenches of gospel work. We need biblical truths that meet us there and help us joyfully persevere. Gloria Furman has given us a rich, gospel-saturated resource, drawing our eyes away from any prescribed role and setting them on the one who really does the work.”

Christine Hoover, author, The Church Planting Wife and From Good to Grace

“Make no mistake: your role as a pastor’s wife is essential. Gloria reminds us all to first and foremost drink deeply from the living water of Jesus as we endeavor to humbly fulfill our calling to love our husbands and the body of Christ to whom we have been called.”

Jennifer Carter, wife of Matt Carter, Pastor of Preaching, Austin Stone Community Church, Austin, Texas

“Gloria Furman has given the church a much-needed gift by addressing a group that is often neglected—the wives of pastors. With the power of the gospel, the clarity of Scripture, and personal insight, Gloria helps pastor’s wives to first draw near to Jesus as their greatest need and satisfaction, then to love and support their husbands, and finally to find a healthy place in the local church.”

Joe and Jen Thorn, author, Experiencing the Trinity and Note to Self; Lead Pastor, Redeemer Fellowship, St. Charles, Illinois; and his wife, Jen, blogger, jenthorn.com

“This book reminded me that when I’m weary, Christ’s strength sustains me; when I’m tempted to cave in to expectations, I’m free to love and please Christ above all. Whether you’re a pastor’s wife or a military wife or a door sweeper’s wife, this book will encourage you to plumb the riches of God’s grace to you in Christ.”

Kristie Anyabwile, wife of Thabiti Anyabwile, Assistant Pastor for Church Planting, Capitol Hill Baptist Church, Washington, DC; mom of three; discipler of women

“Minister’s wives lead unique lives with a unique set of challenges. Gloria does a beautiful job of reminding us that our identity is in Christ and his redemptive blood, not in the way we serve or how much we do for Christ. I felt encouraged and spurred on in my walk with the Lord to look upward to Christ and not at my outward circumstances. This is a very helpful book for minister’s wives anywhere at any stage of life.”

Heather Platt, wife of David Platt, President, International Mission Board; author, Radical

“The pastor’s wife bears unusual responsibility. Though the Bible is completely silent about her role, churches tend to load her with unfair and unrealistic expectation. Gloria Furman brings both sense and hope, showing from the Bible what God does and does not expect from her. And because she looks constantly to the Bible, this is a book that transcends both time and culture. I happily commend this book to pastors, their wives, and their churches.”

Tim Challies, author, The Next Story; blogger, Challies.com

“Gloria Furman gives practical and godly advice to those who are already serving as pastors’ wives as well as those who are just starting out. Many pastors’ wives feel the pressure to be someone they are not, wanting to be liked by everyone, or struggling with the juggle of family life and service. Gloria draws us to Scripture and back to our first love. The Pastor’s Wife will help you avoid pitfalls and inspire you to stay close to Jesus and to find your strength in him. It reminded me of all I value about being a pastor’s wife.”

Carrie Vibert, wife of Simon Vibert, Vice Principal and Director, The School of Preaching at Wycliffe Hall, Oxford

Other Crossway books by Gloria Furman

Glimpses of Grace: Treasuring the Gospel in Your Home (2013)

Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full: Gospel Meditations for Busy Moms (2014)

The Pastor’s Wife: Strengthened by Grace for a Life of Love

Copyright © 2015 by Gloria C. Furman

Published by Crossway

1300 Crescent Street

Wheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law.

Cover design: Crystal Courtney

First printing 2015

Printed in the United States of America

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway. 2011 Text Edition. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-4383-8 ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-4386-9 PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-4384-5 Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-4385-2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Furman, Gloria, 1980–

The pastor’s wife : strengthened by grace for a life of love / Gloria Furman.

     1 online resource

Includes bibliographical references and index.

Description based on print version record and CIP data provided by publisher; resource not viewed.

ISBN 978-1-4335-4384-5 (pdf) – ISBN 978-1-4335-4385-2 (mobi) – ISBN 978-1-4335-4386-9 (epub) – ISBN 978-1-4335-4383-8 (tp)

1. Spouses of clergy. 2. Wives—Religious life. I. Title.

BV4395

253'.22—dc23             2015004792

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

To Carolyn Wellons, who freely shares decades of grace-wrought wisdom with hundreds of pastors’ wives, pointing them to the infinite love of our Chief Shepherd

Contents

CopyrightPrefaceAcknowledgmentsIntroductionPART 1Loving the Chief Shepherd1   “But You’re the Pastor’s Wife”2   On Inheriting a Kingdom of Idols and Expectations3   Stay Close to Your Shepherd, Little SheepPART 2Loving an Under-Shepherd4   On Doing Him Good (and Not Harm)5   Undergirding the Overseer6   So, You Married the Man Who Marries PeoplePART 3Loving the Bride of Christ7   What on Earth Is the Church?8   Gifted to Give What God Has Given9   Weakness Finders and Christ’s Sufficient Strength for ServiceConclusion: Here Comes the Bridegroom!NotesGeneral IndexScripture Index

Preface

You need to know that I am writing a book to ministry wives not from a position of having “been there, done that” after decades of faithful service. I’m not standing at the end of the road looking back. I am, rather, in the middle of it all. My husband and I were married three weeks after he started seminary, and we have been in full-time ministry together ever since. That was about thirteen years ago. So this is not a memoir in which I offer you my personal wisdom. That is my “dis-claimer.” My “claimer,” then, is what I do have and hope to share with you. Namely, I feel an acute sensibility of our need for God’s grace to press on in ministry and a conviction that nothing but the blood of Jesus is all our hope and peace.

I’m finishing up this draft after two months of overwhelming ministry that’s been riddled with valleys and peaks. We had our annual Easter sunrise service on the shore of the Arabian Gulf, and my heart soared as we watched the sun rise over our city. We sang about our risen and conquering Savior. In that sea we baptized ten people from five different countries, knowing that on the other side of that body of water we have brothers and sisters suffering and in prison because of their faith.

The next day I went to the grocery store where several of our friends work as cashiers. The women were distraught as they told me that my Nepalese friend Sumita had literally dropped dead in front of them the night before, seizing and vomiting blood. She was twenty years old and died apart from Christ. Shaken, I crossed the street with my groceries, and my preschool son repeatedly asked me, “Is Sumita with Jesus? Where is she?” Later that week it came to light that some false teaching has been threatening the faith of some of our church members, and the elders have spent many late nights talking and praying about what to do. The next week we discovered that a first-grade girl we know had been watching Internet pornography and was telling her classmates at school about what she had discovered. Then we received news that three doctors who had worshiped together with us on Good Friday had been shot and killed in a nearby country, martyred for their faith in Christ and for the good works they had done in his name. They had worshiped the Lamb by faith a week before, and now they see him face-to-face. The week that followed brought news that yet another friend from the grocery store had died suddenly, apart from Christ. Soon afterward my husband and I counseled a brokenhearted ministry couple who were suffering from the aftermath of her being raped and extorted for money. This type of counseling may seem like a once-in-a-ministry occasion to most, but, sadly, to some ministers it is common. The pervasiveness of our sin can even deeply wound those who are married to men in ministry.1 Who is sufficient for these things (2 Cor. 2:16)?

You may read some humorous accounts in this book, but I assure you, I do not believe that ministry by the Word through the Spirit is a joke. What I aim to do here is help lift your gaze to see the supernatural nature in what we are doing as we serve alongside our husbands in ministry. We need courage, strength, faithfulness, humility, and joy. We need to see Christ as our sufficient Savior. We need childlike faith to serve in ministry alongside our husbands—faith that God is glad to give us. The life of Christ in us is our empowering, equipping, unleashing energy for personal holiness and service in God’s kingdom. It is his strength that gives us what we need in order to nurture life in the face of death and through a million deaths-to-self each day. We need to remember that even the little blueberry-sized fruits produced by the Holy Spirit through Christ’s people are part and parcel of his kingdom, where his will is done. Our anchor must be cast on Christ, and our foundation must be his Word, because there’s no way we can love our Chief Shepherd, and the under-shepherd we are married to, and the bride we have been united to (Christ’s people, the church) unless we have first seen how Jesus loves us and gives us everything we need for life and godliness. We learn of Christ’s love foremost in the sufficient, authoritative, understandable Word of God, and that’s why the text of the Bible is our focus.

There’s no way a finite heart can hold all the things we face in life and ministry, but Christ can, he does, and he will. Expectations of the minister’s wife swirl all around us. The joy available to us is resplendent and everywhere. The needs press in on us from every side. The grief and horror we experience because of our sin is appalling and replete. Are you burdened not only by the needs of others in your church but by your own as well? I want to show you in this book that Jesus will carry those burdens too (Isa. 40:11; 41:10).

No matter how old you are or however long you’ve been married or served in ministry, I think we can all humbly agree that we have a need for endurance to live kingdom-oriented lives in this dark and fallen place (Heb. 10:36). The endurance we seek is no grim drudgery but a glad dependence on Jesus for a life of love strengthened by grace. That’s what I hope you find in the pages of this little book.

Acknowledgments

Geometry is best done in community. Yes, geometry. But isn’t this a book about the gospel, the church, and being married to a man who works in ministry? Certainly. Paul prayed that together “with all the saints,” we would have strength to comprehend the breadth and length and height and depth of Christ’s love (Eph. 3:17–18). We need each other in order to have the strength to stay focused on and dwell deeply in this kind of “geometry.” I’m an undeserving recipient of the grace of such a community.

I’m thankful for the many ministry wives who helped me work through the content of this book. In these pages you’ll notice the influence and wisdom particularly of these godly women: Megan Hill, Melanie Yong, Bev Berrus, and Jen Thorn. I’m grateful for your careful comments, discerning questions, and enthusiastic encouragement for this book. I pray that every ministry wife might know the strengthening love of Christian sisters like you!

Thank you, everyone at Crossway, for taking such great joy and care in publishing books for the good of the church. Though I’ll never know exactly how much work has gone into putting this resource together, I’m thankful for all the thousands of tasks that you did so cheerfully as unto the Lord. Special thanks go to Justin Taylor, LydiaBrownback, JoshDennis, Angie Cheatham, Amy Kruis, Matt Tully, and Janni Firestone.

And on behalf of ministry wives everywhere (if I may be so bold)—to the countless, unnamed ministry wives who suffer loss for the sake of the gospel—thank you. We remember our sisters whose husbands are in prison, or are in prison themselves, as though we were in prison with you. We remember you who are mistreated, since we also are in the body. You have gone to Christ outside the camp and borne the reproach that he endured. Your faith reminds us that we have no lasting city here. And when we forget or flag in our zeal, your commitment to keep trusting in our unshakable God strengthens our resolve as well. By grace through faith we will share sweet fellowship together in the city that is to come.

And thank you to my husband, Dave, who shepherds others in the way of Christ by his strength and for his glory.

Introduction

“There you are,” a woman whispered in my ear as she grabbed my elbow during a church gathering. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Startled, I braced myself. You never know what a statement like that could mean, especially at a church gathering. Did I leave the trunk of my car open (again)? Did one of my kids have an accident involving bodily fluids? Did my husband need my help? The woman held onto my hand, leading me from the back of the meeting room, where I was standing, into the lobby area. Was someone critically in need of prayer? Was a baby being born in the bathroom? Did someone leave a pumpkin latte out here with my name on it?

Instead of revealing any of those urgent situations, my friend pointed to the ceiling. “Look, see? The air-conditioning isn’t cold. You have to get it fixed.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh! The air-conditioner? I don’t know how to fix the air-conditioner. I barely know how to read a Celsius thermostat.” She thought about this for a second and laughed. “But you are the pastor’s wife.”

Great and Fearful Expectations

Both my husband and I had wanted to minister overseas before we were married. My husband spent a summer in the Middle East and fell in love with the people, their culture, their language, and their food. Dave is constantly trying to come up with more ways to incorporate shish tawook into his diet. For my part, a few months after I began walking with God in college I read Let the Nations Be Glad! with some friends. If you’ve ever read this book by John Piper, then you know why I applied for a passport after finishing the first chapter.2 I was excited to serve the Lord overseas and felt like I was ready to go yesterday. We began a five-year journey in seminary where both of us would earn degrees. We got married three weeks after beginning our first class in our first semester and took on multiple jobs to stay afloat. During breaks from classes we led numerous short-term overseas mission trips for college students. I was so excited to do ministry overseas and for my husband to be a church planter. It seemed especially sweet that we were given the opportunity to explore ministry opportunities abroad while we were still in seminary.

But despite my knowledge of how ministry was a privilege, there was one thing about all this that terrified me. I was certain that I would never be able to measure up to everyone’s expectations. All over the world, wherever we traveled, it seemed that my fear of man was confirmed at every turn. “You know you have to homeschool if you go abroad,” one missionary said. “You don’t have much time left to learn how to read music,” a pastor’s wife warned me. “What your husband really needs most is a full belly of home-cooked meals and a thrilling sex life to keep him going,” a book for ministry wives instructed. The churches we visited all over the world had so many varying ideas of what their pastor and his wife were to be about. Every time we came back from a whirlwind trip across the globe, my head would spin with the world of expectations—lead the women, step back and disciple others to lead the women; be attractive to please your husband, be demure and have a [literally] quiet voice; model godliness, model brokenness. Don’t embarrass yourself and your husband through your ignorance, immaturity, or inexperience in ministry. And by all means, do everything in your power to keep your husband and children as godly as possible so that he will not be disqualified from the ministry. (Note: salvation is from the Lord, not the pastor’s wife.)

I might have been too paralyzed to even pack my suitcase if I had taken all these ideas too seriously. Just thinking about expectations can make a minister’s wife want to throw in the dish towel at the first potluck.

Where Does the Minister’s Wife Fit In?

Our husbands need so much support, from studying in seminary to chairing elder meetings to organizing details for the church budget. We see them engaging in relationships with leaders in the community, visiting people in the hospital, praying on the phone with church members, sending e-mails to staff, and hunting for resources in the library. We’re with them in the middle of much of this labor of love. It’s easy to get caught up in the expectations and roles debate and leave it at that. But I think too many conversations regarding ministry wives are centered on who she is and what she ought to do, and we spend so little time talking about who Christ is and what he has done and will do. Discussions of our ideals and expectations are healthy and helpful insofar as they do not distract us from loving our Chief Shepherd, our husband, and the church whom Christ died to purchase for himself.

In case you don’t have time to read the rest of this book I’ll just put my cards on the table—I think wives of ministers need encouragement and refreshment in the Lord, and we find that hope and help in the gospel. This idea isn’t new or scandalous, but with all the things clamoring for our attention I think we (I!) could use an opportunity to recalibrate our perspective and set our gaze on eternal things. After all, why would we want to wade around in shallow puddles of man-made ideals when there is the incomprehensible ocean of the love of Christ that surpasses all knowledge for us to dive into (Eph. 3:18–19)?

I can imagine that you might be thinking a variety of things as you read this, depending on your perspective of what a ministry wife should be. Perhaps something about