The Shepherd Leader at Home E-Book

Timothy Z. Witmer

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 226

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2012

Beschreibung

Husbands and dads play a crucial role in the health and survival of the family. That's why leadership expert Tim Witmer has written this book—to strengthen our efforts to lead well. He applies a biblical framework to the role of leadership in the home, showing how effective shepherding involves "knowing, leading, protecting, and providing for your family"; all the while communicating solid principles with a down-to-earth, relatable tone. Find in this book the wise counsel and practical direction that is sure to make a difference in your family today.  

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“Reading Dr. Witmer’s new book is both greatly encouraging and deeply convicting. Encouraging, because it’s saturated with the truth and hope of the gospel. Convicting, because there’s no greater measure of a man’s success than the way he loves his family. The Shepherd Leader at Home is devoid of cliché and filled with practical instruction on how to reveal the servant love of Jesus to our wives and children.”

Scotty Smith, Founding Pastor, Christ Community Church, Franklin, Tennessee; author, The Reign of Grace, Restoring Broken Things, and Everyday Prayers: 365 Days to a Gospel-Centered Faith

“With marriage and the family under present-day pressures, it takes a wise man to think and write well about being a husband and father under God. This book reveals Dr. Witmer as just such a wise man, and makes his wisdom available to us all. Highly recommended.”

J. I. Packer, Board of Governors’ Professor of Theology, Regent College; author, Knowing God

“Another book on marriage and family life? Yes, but this one is different. It is short, but not easy; practical, but also deeply realistic; honest, but also warm. And thankfully, for all that Dr. Witmer is—seminary professor, preaching pastor, author, father, and husband—here is one thing he never pretends to be, namely Guru! Perhaps that’s why this is such a wonderfully encouraging book.”

Sinclair Ferguson, Senior Pastor, First Presbyterian Church, Columbia, South Carolina

“I deeply appreciated reading The Shepherd Leader at Home. It provides a great approach for leading a family by practicing the ancient shepherding principles of knowing, leading, providing for, and protecting. I love the biblical foundations, the warm illustrations, and the practical suggestions for caring for the flock at home. I highly recommend this book by Dr. Witmer.”

Scott Thomas, Pastor of Pastoral Development, The Journey Church, St. Louis, Missouri; coauthor, Gospel Coach: Shepherding Leaders to Glorify God

“We can be thankful for many books written to help Christians raise godly families. Here Dr. Witmer takes aim at the pivotal role of the ‘shepherd leader’ at home. And his aim is true! This book is carefully biblical, practical, realistic, and true to what Tim has experienced. A necessary complement to Tim’s earlier book on shepherd leadership in the church, this one about the home might well be read first.”

Stephen E. Smallman, Assistant Pastor, New Life Presbyterian Church, Glenside, Pennsylvania; Instructor, CityNet Ministries of Philadelphia; author, Spiritual Birthline, Forty Days on the Mountain, and The Walk

“We are faced with a serious global crisis in the collapse of the biblical family—a crisis that will eventually lead to the collapse of the church and the society. Dr. Witmer, who already introduced the idea of shepherd leadership in the church, now explores shepherd leadership in the home from his ministerial experiences, with the hope of enabling us to overcome our contemporary crisis. His book is profound, coherent, and practical from the biblical perspective. It provides biblical and practical guidelines for the happiness of the family. If you want to keep your family happy and healthy, you should read this book.”

In Whan Kim, Professor Emeritus, Former Professor of Old Testament Studies and President of Chongshin University and Seminary, Seoul, Korea

THE SHEPHERD

The Shepherd Leader at Home: Knowing, Leading, Protecting, and Providing for Your Family Copyright © 2012 by Timothy Z. Witmer

Published by Crossway 1300 Crescent Street Wheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law.

Cover design: Josh Dennis Cover image: Danny Jones, YASLY.com Interior design and typesetting: Lakeside Design Plus

First printing 2012 Printed in the United States of America

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are from The New American Standard Bible®. Copyright © The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NIV1984 are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. The “NIV” and “New International Version” trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica. Use of either trademark requires the permission of Biblica.

All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added by the author.

Trade paperback ISBN:

978-1-4335-3007-4

Mobipocket ISBN:

978-1-4335-3009-8

PDF ISBN:

978-1-4335-3008-1

ePub ISBN:

978-1-4335-3010-4

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Witmer, Timothy Z., 1953– The shepherd leader at home : knowing, leading, protecting, and providing for your family / Timothy Z. Witmer.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-4335-3007-4

1. Families—Religious life. 2. Families—Religious aspects—Christianity. 3. Discipling (Christianity) 4. Christian leadership. 

I. Title.

BV4526.3.W58 2012

248.8'421—dc23

2012013351

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

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To Barbara,

my best friend and encourager, whom I love more today than yesterday . . .

Contents

Introduction

Part One  The Shepherd Knows His Family

 1 An Introduction to Knowing Your Family

2 The Shepherd Knows His Wife

3 The Shepherd Knows His Children

Part Two  The Shepherd Leads His Family

 4 An Introduction to Leading Your Family

 5 The Shepherd Leads His Wife

 6 The Shepherd Leads His Children

Part Three  The Shepherd Provides for His Family

 7 Material Provision

 8 Spiritual Provision

Part Four  The Shepherd Protects His Family

 9 Protecting Your Marriage

10 Protecting Your Children

Afterword: Less Time than You Think

Appendix: Resources for Family Devotions

Notes

Introduction

My earlier book The Shepherd Leader began with the words, “There’s a crisis in the church.” That book went on to develop the need for leadership in the church based on the biblical metaphor of shepherding.

This book could well begin with the words, “There is a crisis in the family.” Many of the problems in the church, and in society at large, for that matter, can be traced to growing numbers of families that are like sheep without a shepherd.

As I begin this project I am aware that an increasing number of families are not traditional nuclear families. In fact, statistics have revealed that the two-parent, husband-wife family unit is now in the minority in the United States. According to The American Community Survey released by the Census Bureau, “49.7 percent, or 55.2 million, of the nation’s 111.1 million households in 2005 were made up of married couples.”1 The trend away from marriage continues according to the 2010 census. One teacher in my region was shocked at what has become the new norm.

Jo Soroka didn’t need to see the latest census data to believe one of the more jarring findings: that married couples head fewer than half the households in Pennsylvania and the country. Soroka recalled the morning two years ago when a boy asked a classmate about the man who had accompanied her and her mother to school. “That’s my daddy,” the girl said. “No,” the boy shot back. “Daddies don’t live with mommies.”2

What a sad commentary. The reasons for this new norm go beyond divorce to the fact that fewer and fewer couples are getting married at all. Thirty years ago there were one million opposite-sex couples living together outside marriage, but today that number has risen to 6.4 million and continues to rise. “Cohabitating couples now make up almost 10% of all opposite-sex U.S. couples.”3

I raise this issue, first, to show the importance of looking again at the value of the institution of marriage as established by our Creator and, second, to focus on the pivotal role of husbands and dads to the health and survival of the family as established by the Lord. The purpose of this book, therefore, will be to help families by helping husbands and dads become loving shepherds of their families. The strategy will be to apply the biblical shepherding categories of knowing, leading, providing, and protecting to leadership in the home. As a pastor in an urban multiethnic context for twenty-five years, I have seen the desperate need for this material, and my hope is that it might help strengthen male leadership in the home. The style of this book will be down-to-earth with plenty of examples. While the focus of The Shepherd Leader was on those called to lead Christ’s flock in the church, the focus here is on all men who are called to lead their families at home.

I trust that the case was made in The Shepherd Leader for the importance of the shepherding metaphor for leadership in the church of Jesus Christ. As you begin this book, you might wonder whether it is legitimate to carry this metaphor over from leadership in the church to leadership at home. While there is no explicit application of the shepherding metaphor to family leadership in Scripture, there is a clear parallel between God’s covenantal care for his people and a man’s care for his family. There is also a parallel between the health of our churches and the health of our families. In the words of Richard Baxter, “You are not likely to see any general reformation, till you procure family reformation.”4

The heart of this book, therefore, will be to walk together through the fundamental shepherding functions of knowing, leading, providing for, and protecting and their application to leadership in the family. These shepherding functions represent four of the most fundamental human needs that God meets through those who lead families. Each of the four parts will begin with an introduction showing its biblical rationale. The introductions to the foundational functions of knowing and leading are given their own chapters, while the introductions to the other parts are brief. This foundational material is where there may be some limited overlap with The Shepherd Leader. However, this foundation must be clearly in view as we apply each function to you as a follower of Christ leading your flock at home.

This book is intentionally practical, personal, and heart-to-heart. I write not as someone who has it all together, but as someone seeking to take seriously what God has called me to do and to be as a husband and father. I am reminded of the young minister who, unmarried, taught a class entitled “The Ten Commandments of Successful Parenting.” After he was married and had his first child, the course title became “Five Principles of Parenting.” When a couple of more children came along, the course changed once again to “A Few Suggestions about Parenting.” In light of my own growing pains, I am grateful that the Scriptures give us clear guidance in leading our families, and on this guidance I will seek to depend throughout this book.

Each chapter will include reflection questions that can be used either in individual study or in the “iron sharpening iron” context of men’s discipleship groups. These principles are useless if they are left unapplied, and a group of men committed to wrestling through the challenges together can promote healthy reflection and genuine change.

This project would not have been possible without the support and encouragement of my dear wife, Barbara, who has been very patient with me as I have sought to grow as the shepherd leader of our home. I am also indebted to my grown children, Sara, Rebecca, and Nathan, who are mature followers of Christ despite my shortcomings. How this proves that parenting is by grace as well! Special thanks go to Barbara and our children for their permission to allow readers a personal glimpse into both the highs and lows of our family life through the years. I am also thankful to the members of Crossroads Community Church (PCA) for their help, and for the church’s Covenant Keepers men’s ministry in particular, where the general principles of this book were presented in a series of monthly men’s breakfasts. My thanks are due also to the students in my August 2011 Doctor of Ministry class at Westminster who offered valuable input on the manuscript, as well as to Jeffrey Shamess, who compiled the resources for family devotions. I am grateful also to Allan Fisher and Crossway for their enthusiasm about this project and to Thom Notaro for his helpful and careful editing.

In commenting on the early verses of Ephesians 6, my old shepherd friend Richard Baxter wrote, “Thus it is evident that every distinct family relation should be dedicated or holy to God and should be used to the utmost for God.”5 My humble prayer is that this book in some way will enable you to move toward that goal as you seek to be a faithful shepherd leader of your flock at home.

P A R T  O N E

THE SHEPHERD KNOWS HIS FAMILY

1

An Introduction to Knowing Your Family

I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me.

John 10:14

As we begin walking through the four foundational shepherding functions of knowing, leading, providing for, and protecting your family, it is important to recognize that they represent fundamental human needs. For example, the concept of knowing and being known speaks to the fundamental need for relationship. Research has demonstrated an infant’s need to connect with his or her parents early on in order to be properly adjusted, or even to survive. For most of us, something as simple as an invitation to an event or gathering raises the question, who is going to be there? Why do we ask this? We are concerned because we want to go somewhere where we have the connection of relationship, where we know and are known. On the other hand, some of the worst experiences people can have are described in terms of loneliness, isolation, or alienation. These terms are just a sample of the large glossary of words that express missing or strained relationships.

Think about it. Being made in the image of God, man was made first to be in relationship with his Creator. Unfortunately, this fellowship was broken when man sinned. Things changed from that point forward. The good news is that, from the very beginning, the Lord took the initiative to restore that relationship. The relational element in God’s redemptive work is clearly seen in the shepherding metaphor. “The Lord is my shepherd” (Ps. 23:1) highlights this covenantal privilege of relationship and mutual knowledge.

Know that the LORD, he is God!

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. (Ps. 100:3)

As the consummate shepherd who comes into the world, Jesus describes the mutual knowledge between a shepherd and his sheep that characterizes his relationship with his people. “I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me” (John 10:14). This shepherd knew that this vital relationship with God could be restored only through his death and resurrection.

One of the greatest fears when it comes to relationships is the fear of transparency. If you really knew me, would you still love me? My friend Steve Brown used to announce to his listeners, “If you knew me the way I know me, you wouldn’t want to listen to me preach.” He would quickly add, “If I knew you the way you know you, I wouldn’t want to preach to you!” Remarkably, the Lord knows everything about you and he loves you. “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). Jesus still knows all about our sins, doubts, and fears and he still loves us.

One of the greatest privileges we now have is to grow in our knowledge of him. For the sheep, this is foundational for every benefit of belonging to him. “Now this is eternal life, that they may know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (John 17:3). This is a great place to start. Can you see how much he loved you in the indescribable gift he gave that your relationship with him might be restored? The health and wholeness of our human relationships find their source in the wholeness of our relationship with the Lord through Jesus. I might add that strength, wisdom, and love for others are fueled by the vitality of our life in the Lord. His work on our behalf enables us to grow in our relationship not only with our God, but also with others, especially our wives and children.

Knowing and the Family

Let’s go back to the very beginning and take a look at how fundamental this concept of relationship is to marriage. After all, marriage and the family were God’s idea. Marriage did not originate in the primal horde or primitive society dominated by the violent primal father, as Freud suggested. Neither was it, as some anthropologists assert, a desperate human invention by “noble savages” designed to bring some order to an otherwise chaotic loose association of males and females. No, marriage was designed by God to bring blessing and order to his creation. Together with the creation ordinances of work and Sabbath rest, marriage would provide a rhythm to life. Therefore, we must affirm that he ordained foundational principles not only for the natural order but also for the moral order of his creation.

There is both structure and purpose. This order is the foundation of creation (cf. Prov. 3:19). We tend to consider the “foundation” in terms of the physical, material, and biological world on which Genesis 1 focuses, but to restrict creation order to these dimensions would be absurd. What kind of a cosmos would it be in which the physical sciences were a worthwhile enterprise—because they look for structure that is there to be found—but in which the fields of personal relationships and morality were undifferentiated chaos? This would be a world in which personhood was still “formless and void,” waiting to be given shape by the subjective whims of each person or succeeding culture.1

The shape of marriage has not been left “formless and void,” as we will see from the following seven foundations of marriage established by the Creator.

Marriage Is Designed to Meet the Need for Companionship

As we consider the creation account in the opening chapters of Genesis,2 the refrain we hear regularly is “it was good.” The Lord saw the result of his creative power and was pleased. However, there was something that was not good. “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18a). This seems strange, given that Adam was in relationship with his Creator. A few verses later we discover the sense of his aloneness. We see the first man hard at work naming the cattle, birds, and beasts, “but for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him” (v. 20). Man was in desperate need of someone with whom he could relate. Simply put, he was the only one of his species! Zebras and chimpanzees were not going to provide what he needed.

The Lord would not allow that need to go unmet. The Lord said, “I will make him a helper fit for him” (v. 18b). The Hebrew word translated “fit” is found only here and means “suitable for” or “corresponding to.”3 The word indicates an equality of personhood inasmuch as both are made in the image of God.

So God created man in his own image,

in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them. (Gen. 1:27)

This does not mean equality of roles, as we will see in our subsequent study of leadership. Adam would need someone like him who could come alongside him in the work of the garden and the service of the Lord. This need was met in the creation of the first woman. Gordon Wenham explains, “The help looked for is not just assistance in his daily work or in the procreation of children, though these aspects may be included, but the mutual support companionship provides.”4 This fundamental need for man to know and to be known was to be experienced not only through his knowledge of God but also with another person with whom he could relate. This dynamic has its roots in the very nature of the Godhead. Our triune God exists in perfect interpersonal relationship of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit with one another. Adam’s need for someone like him, someone with whom he could relate, reflects the mysterious relational dynamic within the Trinity itself. The Lord knew Adam’s need and met it.

Therefore, it is not as though Adam’s need for relationship took the Lord by surprise. It is not as if he looked at what he had made and exclaimed, “Oops!” and then added Eve. The narrative may appear this way, but its inspired form highlights the importance of Adam’s relational need and the wonderful way it was met in Eve. This explains why marriage has been described as a covenant of companionship (cf. Mal. 2:14).

In the marriage relationship we desperately need each another. Take a few moments and thank the Lord for the relationship he has given you with your wife. Think about how miserable you would be if you were alone.

Marriage Is Designed to Provide Help in the Tasks of Life

You will also notice that God saw that man really needed help! When most people think about Edenic paradise, they usually don’t think about work. But the Lord gave Adam a lot to do. In addition to taking care of the garden and naming the animals, he was given larger global responsibilities.

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

So God created man in his own image,

in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them.

And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Gen. 1:26–28)

You will notice that these “global” tasks are given to the couple. In fact, it goes without saying that the charge to “be fruitful and multiply” would have been impossible with Adam alone! In addition to this they were called to have dominion over all that the Lord made. The woman was created to come alongside Adam to be a “helper” for him and to complement him in accomplishing these tasks.

If you are married, in order to accomplish what God has called you to do, you must understand that each of you brings strengths and weaknesses to the relationship for the benefit of one another and for the marriage. One vital aspect of knowing one another is knowing and understanding one another’s strengths and weaknesses. It is important not only to know what these are but also to learn to yield to each other’s strengths and help with each other’s weaknesses.

For example, early in our marriage it became clear that Barb didn’t do so well navigating with a map. This was long before GPS technology, so I was dependent on her to look at the map and tell me where to turn, or whether to turn at all. This led to many occasions of frustration for her and for me as we would get lost with the map right in front of us! On the other hand, Barb has an uncanny ability to remember details about every place she has ever been. I remember one dark and stormy night in particular when we were trying to find our way to visit friends on the hilly roads outside Pittsburgh. We had been there only once before, but (without a map!) she remembered exactly which way to turn, and we arrived safely at our destination. If it would have been up to me, we would have been hopelessly lost.

The lesson, among many others, is that I can trust her directional instincts, but the map reading should be left to me. You may think this is a silly illustration, but when you compound all of the various factors of strength and weakness in marriage, learning and adjusting to them will be a great blessing to both of you. On the other hand, failing to take these into account will result in regular frustration.

Another example is Martin Luther, who was not as handy as his wife was. Martin didn’t pay much attention to money and often found himself in debt. But Katherine was very attentive to these matters and managed their household quite well, even developing household industries that kept the Luthers not only in the black but quite profitable. Martin had no problem yielding to his wife’s strengths in these areas.

The Lord knew what he was doing when he put the two of you together, too. The point is that if you are to complement one another in the tasks of life, you are going to need to know one another. Have you paid attention and yielded to your spouse’s strengths? Have you been honest about your own weaknesses?

Marriage Is Designed to Be the Primary Human Relationship

Another reason that the relational basis of your marriage is so crucial is that marriage is designed by God to be your primary human relationship. In fact, it is the most important relationship you have in this world. This is highlighted in Genesis 2:24, where God says that “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife.” While the parent-child relationship is important, the husband-wife relationship is even more so. The husband is told to leave the household of his parents. This doesn’t mean that you no longer respect your parents. It means that when you marry, a new household is established and that this now becomes your priority relationship. It means that the opinion that you value the most is that of your spouse. It means that the counsel that you yield to is that of your spouse. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you no longer seek the counsel of your parents. That would be foolish. It does mean that it is clear to your spouse that her wishes and happiness take priority over that of your parents.