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Imagine being confident in any situation you find yourself in. How would your life differ from now? What would you be able to achieve? The tools and techniques described in this book will help you to discover the roots of why you feel the way you do and show you how with Emotional Freedom Techniques you can neutralize the past, so that it no longer has any negative effect on you. As you unleash the blockages that have held you back thus far, you will notice a positive shift in the way you feel. You will feel more in control of your life and the confidence with which you conduct it. As you change from the inside out so will your life. All you have to do is to apply the tools within. It only works! Emotional Freedom Techniques is a variation of energy psychology which lends itself particularly well to a "Do It Yourself" approach to personal self development. By simply tapping a few key acupuncture points, while simultaneously repeating certain phrases the body starts releasing the blockages that have stopped you from living your full potential.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2012
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The Ultimate in Self Confidence
Tap away unwanted negative emotions with EFT
BookRix GmbH & Co. KG81371 MünchenWhen it all began
When we were children, we were never taught that we are precious little beings that should one day come into our full expression of our selves. Nobody told us that we are perfect and sometimes we may never even have been told how beautiful we really are. In fear of creating a bigheaded child we were held back in our expression. How beautiful a little child is in its innocence, quest for new knowledge, quest for life and its endless quest for self expression. We were told children are to be seen, but not heard. When we talk about the cake you crumb have no say and whatever else we had to listen to that kept us in our place and that kept us little and dependent on other people. So we grow up with a self image that is not in line with what we truly are, magnificent beings that are longing for self expression. Only here, in our dualistic world, can we come to know that which we are not. Ask yourself the question: "How do I know that I am tall, small, overweight, underweight?" How do you know, I ask you? You may answer, because somebody told me, or you may answer, because I have been on the bathroom scales today and that tells me I am overweight. But from none of these answers, do you really know that it is really so. It is because we compare ourselves with other people and we see how different we are from them, that is what determines what we are in the presence of that which we are not. If we were all the same, we would have no need for certain words in our vocabulary. There is a tribe in Africa that doesn´t have a word for ship in its vocabulary, because they had never seen one, there was no need to have a word for it. For instance, if we were all 1600mm or any height for that matter, as long as it was the same, we would have no need to describe how tall or small somebody is, and so it is with everything in life. However, if somebody is less than 1600mm, does that make this person somehow inferior, or if the person was taller, would that make the person superior? Neither one is better than the other, it may have certain advantages to be taller, but when your are too tall it can also be a disadvantage. The person may have a health problem due to its height. It may be difficult to find clothes or a bed that is long enough to sleep in. So being tall, or being small, isn´t then any better, it is only a way of distinguishing ourselves from one another. And yet, how often do we use these differences as examples to make us believe we are somehow of lesser or greater value. Another measure of our self worth we use, is whether we are loved or rejected by other people. We feel less worthy because, or especially when our love gets rejected by the vary person we have fallen in love with. But the love from another person doesn´t make us more beautiful, doesn´t it? It is that feeling inside, which we have, when we believe that we are loved, that makes us somehow look more beautiful, more self assured, more radiant. It therefore has nothing to do with that other person, but all to do with how we perceive something and how we internally translate this awareness with our feelings. It is said, that our subconscious mind cannot distinguish between something experienced in reality or something imagined. What a powerful knowledge that is. That means, we are in control of all our experiences and as a matter of fact our reality too. It is not what happens to us, but it is that what we make it to mean. For instance. You have an appointment with a friend at 7 o´clock in the evening to go to the movies. It is already 7.30pm and the friend still hasn´t arrived. You start thinking he/she always does that to me. He/she doesn´t value me, because if she/he would value me then he/she would be on time, wouldn´t they? But nothing could be further from the truth. I have had a friend, who would always arrive late and watching him leave the house one day, gave me an insight into how disorganized he was and how he operated. There had to be taken care of logging the geese away, an email had to be sent before he went out, the dishes had to be washed up so that he wouldn´t come home to a dirty house, and so it went on. Meaning that he could never leave on time, he was simply disorganized and couldn´t prioritize. Did all of that have anything to do with me? Of course not. It was up to me to decide how I would let his late arrival effect me, my wellbeing for that evening and my feelings about myself. Knowing that he was disorganized, left me free to make different arrangements, like if you are late then I will go on without you and we will meet at the cinema. That way, I was less dependent on his arrival and he would not be upset if I wasn´t at the appointed meeting place. So much of how we perceive ourselves, we make dependent on others. We always look for outside validation, without actually realizing that the outside has nothing to do with how we feel inside. It is our interpretation of the outside world, that has everything to do with how we feel inside, and our feelings are our barometer of our wellbeing. When we were children we had a much greater relationship to our feelings. We would always follow what made us feel good, and avoid that which did not feel good. However, when we are adults that feeling suddenly becomes our enemy, not our friend. How often do you hear people say, my feeling tells me such and such, but my mind tells me to investigate the situation. How often people even get ridiculed, when they are inclined to follow their feelings, rather than their logical mind. Our feelings are our connection to our Higher Self, our Soul Self. Our feelings tell us instantly if something is in line with our values and purpose in life. Our feelings never lie. If we oppose our feelings, we will always end up regretting it, as it will be against our nature, that part which is truly ours and not a part of some other individual. So if you want to live true to yourself, the first thing to do is to honour your feelings and learn how to interpret and follow them. As I have indicated, how we feel has really nothing to do with what happens on the outside, but it has all to do with what goes on in the inside.
The little small voice
Some people think that we have an inner voice to listen to, but actually we need to distinguish between that small inner voice which could warn us of upcoming dangers, and the voice that is more like a constant shutter in our head. Most of us pay little attention to the voice that rattles on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, but it is this voice which can either be a hindrance or a benefit. Have you ever noticed what this voice sounds like? Does it sound like a demanding parent, or does it sound like a gentle, soothing, loving kind of voice that encourages you in everything you do? For most people, in particular the ones that had a less than encouraging upbringing, it probably is the demanding parent kind of voice. Why did you do this? You stupid person, you have got it wrong again. Have you ever noticed how you put yourself down, and then think nothing of it? Because it happens in the quiet of your mind, one never questions what the voice says, and we think nothing of it when we talk ourselves down. And yet, if you think about it, if one would talk like that to a child, what kind of self-image do you think the child would grow up with? Have you ever noticed a field, where the grass has grown tall everywhere, except where a path has been formed due to many people taking the same route? That trodden on grass, is just like the surface of your mind that gets trodden on time and time again with discouraging thoughts. Is it therefore any wonder, when we have no self confidence, or when we are scared of the world? Because we not only talk ourselves down, we also talk ourselves into fear. "I can´t go out in the dark." "I don´t feel safe in the forest." "I can´t drive my car any more, because I haven´t driven since my illness." "I can´t drive long distances, as I might get lost". I could go on and on, some of it may even sound familiar to you. All of these statements have nothing to do with reality, but all to do with how we talk ourselves into fear. So you see how important it is to pay attention to what you say to yourself. It has a very great impact on how you feel, and also what you will or won´t achieve in life. Therefore, if up to this point you never really thought about your thinking, start by making a point of really listening to yourself, become aware of what you say to yourself, but please, when you notice that you use so called bad language, be gentle with yourself and just say: ”Oops, I am doing it,” and immediately start to reframe it into a positive statement. Do not fall into the trap of criticizing yourself, this would just reinforce the negative. With time your language will change, and so will you from the inside out. So much depends on how we see ourselves, and not how other people see us. We pay so much attention to pleasing others, whereas, we would be much happier if we would please ourselves first. When we know who we are, we automatically shine from the inside out, we have more self esteem, more confidence, and we automatically become more successful. In the ten commandments, it is written, love your neighbour like yourself, but for most people the reality is that they put other people before their own needs. Would you find it hard to look in the mirror and say loving things to yourself? Do you think, that is stupid? Why is it stupid to love oneself? Are you afraid you might get bigheaded doing this? That depends entirely on your intention, doesn´t it. Most people do think it is stupid, because we have not been brought up to cherish ourselves. We have been brought up to comply, and to make sure that other people felt good. So as we grew up, we modified our behaviour in such a way, that it pleased others and we were probably even complimented on it. We were never complimented on, or encouraged to do something that made us feel proud of ourselves, or that pleased us. Please do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong in being courteous, nice and helpful to other people, but do not place the wellbeing of others before your own. I have noticed that the more distant people become from loving themselves the sicker they are. Only when we truly love ourselves, not from an egocentric point of view, but by listening to our psychological as well as our bodily needs, can we pass this love onto others. I know from personal experience, how I have continued working despite feeling terrible, or going on to a social company event, because I felt I had to, despite aching all over. How often did you go on working until your body finally gave in, and caused you to come down with a headache or the flue? People think that an illness strikes an innocent person out from nowhere, but in every illness hides an emotional upset. I remember breaking out in a rash after a huge argument at work with a colleague, so much so that I had to go to the doctors. I thought that I had an allergy, but of course that subsided after a few days, never to return. Only later, did it dawn on me what the real reason for the rush was. Next time you get sick, ask yourself what is my body trying to tell me? You have only one life and you are more productive feeling well, than you are when you are not well.
Where does lack of self-worth come from?
Self-worth is not something we are born with. Lack of self-worth, is the sum of little and larger incidents in our lives, that have caused us to think that there is something wrong with us and that has caused us to modify our behaviour in order to get the attention or reaction we wanted to get from people around us. Most of these incidents happened in our youth, at a time when we were trying to make sense of the world and where we were still full of innocence and quest for life. We loved to explore, express and most of all enjoy, if it was not for siblings, that may have got jealous, parents who were stressed out by the responsibilities they had taken on, and other people who themselves had never experienced an upbringing which in turn would have brought up people that would have known how to love themselves and how to pass this love onto others. Here we are thinking what is wrong with me? What have I done to deserve this? What can I do to make somebody love me? Because we were to little to see the pain in other people to understand why they are the way they are and too young to see the stress in our parents eyes to understand why they behaved the way they did. Neither did we have any knowledge of universal principals which will always present us with situations that reinforce our beliefs. And when it comes to pass, then we say: "See, I told you so". Have you noticed a pattern in your life which reinforces your thinking of something that you believe in? That is the universal principal at work. Let me give you an example. Let's say you believe that all men are the same and they always behave in a certain way then you will always draw men into your life, which will mirror to you exactly this type of behaviour. As I said, we usually form our assumptions about life in our early youth, because at that time we just could not see the full picture and the problem is, because the universe does not take into consideration the age at which we made these assumptions, it just responds and so it just reinforces and reinforces and reinforces because we are sending and the universe is responding to this day. The only way to break this cycle is to realise that what we have come to know as our truth, does not have to be this way. Why do you think could it be that two people attending the same event have a different account of what has been happening? I am sure, that if you have brothers and sisters, or somebody who grew up in the same family with you, and if you were to ask them about how they experienced their youth. then I am certain, that their account would differ from yours. Everybody filters what they experience through the experiences they´ve already had up until this point. Each and every one of us has a different outlook on life based upon what has been experienced and on internalizing what this experience has meant for them.
What are emotions?
On first sight it seems that our feelings which are expressed in emotions, are caused by the outside world. Something happens and we react to what has been happening based on the assumptions we have made and the thoughts we have been having about the incident. An e-motion is therefore thoughts in motion. We have a thought and then another and another and when our thinking goes into a negative direction, our feelings start to follow the thought we have just had and so on. Every time we are having an experience, we also usually have an emotion. Is the experience positive, then we tend to have a positive emotion which could be laughter, joy and happiness, and when the experience is not so positive, then we have a negative emotion and we experience and/or express anger, rage or maybe disappointment. Every emotion effects the whole of the body, some parts more and others less. Emotions wash over us and when they do, they also leave there impressions on our cellular memory and it is this memory which our subconscious calls on when it gives us knowingly or mostly unknowingly a sudden feeling or a sudden thought that hinders us in being at our best. This all happens in nanoseconds of course and therefore leaves us with very little control unless we neutralize the original imprint in the body. You may think that may not be so, but at this point I´d like to draw your attention to the work of Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese scientist, who wanted to find out if all snowflakes are alike. He devised a method by which he was able to take photographs of frozen water and what he found was that water was not like water. He proofed through his photographs that water which had been exposed to metal music would not form any crystal at all, and water exposed to music from Mozart or any other classical composer would produce wonderfully structured crystals. He also experimented with written words. The word "love" formed a beautiful crystal where as the words "you fool" did not. So you may ask, what is the significance of his findings in the context of me having more self confidence? And my answer to your question, over seventy percent of the human body is composed of water. Water has the ability to store information, and like the metaphor of the grass in the meadow earlier, the more negativity you as a person have experienced in your life, the less self confidence you are going to have. Emotions are not just coming and going like the tide, every time they are happening they are leaving their impressions on the whole of your body, but the good news is, that these impressions can be neutralized. I am always talking of neutralization because you cannot erase a memory, but you can neutralize the effect it has on you. Meaning, that if you trigger the memory by talking or writing about it, it will no longer have a negative effect on you, whatever this effect may be, may be tears, anger, rage, disappointment or so on. It will leave you feeling neutral about it. And you will ask me "What is the secret? How can I as you call it, neutralize the negative effects of my upbringing? How can I gain more confidence? How can I stop continually sending out the wrong messages to the universe and prevent the universe from sending me experiences that I am tired of receiving? How can I do all of that?" And the answer is EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques.
What is Emotional Freedom Techniques?
Emotional Freedom Techniques is a version of Energy Psychology, a method devised by Gary Craig, a Stanford trained Engineer and an ordained Minister by the Universal Church of God South California, who had a passion for personal-improvement psychology since the age of thirteen. As the story goes in the early 1990 Gary heard of a Psychiatrist by the name of Dr. Roger Callahan, who was known to heal a phobia within minutes. Interested to find out more, Gary contacted Dr. Callahan and went on to learn the core of his methodology, which is TFT (Thought Field Therapy). Soon however, it became apparent to Gary, that a different approach could deliver similar results to TFT, and thus was born Gary´s own method which he called EFT - Emotional Freedom Techniques. The principal of EFT is based on the ancient knowledge of acupuncture which is based on the knowledge that the body consists of many energy pathways similar to our blood system, but even though we cannot see this energy it nevertheless is there and can be measured with a certain type of equipment. The difference of EFT to acupuncture is that one does not require any needles, instead we use the finger tips of one hand to gently tap certain key acupuncture points, while focussing mentally and verbally on the problem in hand. The discovery of EFT is that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body´s energy system. When we are verbally and mentally focussing in on the problem while simultaneously tapping certain key acupuncture points, the problem and the resulting negative emotion tends to subside, not only in the short term but usually for good. EFT found its way quickly into many therapy rooms, but its ease of application combined with the fact that to this day no negative side effects have been reported, lends itself particularly well to a "Do It Yourself" approach to personal self development. EFT can be applied by many ailments emotionally as well as physically, and it was found by addressing emotional problems, that often physical symptoms subside as well without being particularly worked on. Gary´s simple statement is: Try it on everything.
The Method
So how do you apply EFT to your own set of circumstances? The method I am going to recommend to you is a shortened version of EFT, which is successful in most cases when working on yourself. For further and in-depth study, I would recommend reading the EFT manual written by Gary Craig. However, if you can´t wait to try out what EFT can do for you, I have made it even easier still by releasing a series of self help CD´s, which contain specially designed tapping rounds, which you can use out of the box without needing to learn EFT first, and the relevant recordings for this book can be obtained from my website, further details can be found at the end of this book. The idea behind these CD´s is the principal of "Borrowing Benefits", a phenomenon noted by attendees of Gary´s training classes, who tended to successfully tap along on themselves while Gary was working with a client on stage, but not only attendees noticed this phenomenon, therapists did too, who tapped along with their clients on different issues, but noticed later that somehow miraculously, their own issues had suddenly subsided without even being worked on. The method consists of two parts,the setup
, a sentence which names the problem while simultaneously accepting it and the sequence
- a shortened version of the setup phrase. To start of with, please make a list of the issues to work on. This could be anything that has happened in your life that made you feel like you were not good enough, where you were made to feel ashamed, where you did not get the desired attention, in summary anything that to this day is still bothering you. Go as far back as you can remember, and when you have your list, take one incident a day, or a week, and work it through with EFT. If you don´t want to go through writing out your own setup and sequence statements, just use the recording "Removing Blockages" and tap along with it. You will know that you have been successful in neutralizing the incident, when you can write or talk about it without having any negative feelings, or without getting upset about it. Here is a sample set up statement: Let's assume, that a teacher made you feel ashamed in front of the class, while you were standing up at the black board explaining something, your set up statement would then look like this:Even though
Mrs. Smith made me really feel ashamed when I was at the black board, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Your setup phrase should always start with the text highlighted in black, and end with the text in black. When you fill in the phrase in the middle, be as specific as you can. This setup phrase is repeated three times, while at the same time you will be tapping the karate chop point. After we repeated the setup phrase three times, you would then go on to tap on the remaining body points, the location of which you can look up in the picture provided at the end of the book. The points are:
AE - above the eye SE - side of the eye UE - under the eye UN - under the nose CP - chin point CB - collarbone UArm - under the arm
While we tap approximately seven times on each of the remaining body points, we repeat a shortened version of the setup phrase. To repeat the entire setup phrase on the remaining body points is not necessary, because our subconscious knows already our intention and it would be rather cumbersome to repeat such a long statement, therefore we use a shortened version which could be something like
feeling ashamed while at the black board
