The Undistracted Widow E-Book

Carol W. Cornish

• Herausgeber: Crossway
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 307

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2010

Beschreibung

Writing from a biblical perspective, Carol Cornish helps readers to discover how God is working in the midst of the deep distress of losing a spouse. She provides the reader with direction in finding true and lasting comfort in Christ. Cornish, who lost her husband of 38 years to lung cancer, encourages widows to use their widowhood for God's glory. Ministry to widows needs to be a priority for Christian communities, and Cornish equips churches, families, and friends to come alongside those mourning the loss of a spouse. The Undistracted Widow includes sections to help widows find renewed identity and purpose. Cornish helps readers trust in God, manage emotions, learn from both biblical and contemporary widows, rethink the past, present, and future, and prepare for what's next. Pastors, churches, and others will benefit from practical appendices. Any woman who is grieving the loss of her husband, or who knows of someone in mourning, will find this to be a valuable resource.

Leseprobe

The Undistracted Widow: Living for God after Losing Your Husband

Copyright © 2010 by Carol W. Cornish

Published by Crossway 1300 Crescent Street Wheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law.

Cover design: Faceout Studio, www.faceoutstudio.com

Cover photo: Millennium Images Ltd.

First printing 2010

Printed in the United States of America

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are from The New American Standard Bible®. Copyright © The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission.

Scripture references marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. The “NIV” and “New International Version” trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica. Use of either trademark requires the permission of Biblica.

Scripture references marked NLT are from The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Ill., 60189. All rights reserved.

All emphases in Scripture quotations have been added by the author.

Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-1232-2 PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-1233-9 Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-1234-6 ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-2362-5

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cornish, Carol, 1945–      The undistracted widow : living for God after losing your husband / Carol Cornish.          p. cm.     Includes bibliographical references (p.             ).     ISBN: 978-1-4335-1232-2 (tpb)      1. Consolation. 2.Widows—Religious life. 3. Bereavement—Religious aspects—Christianity. I. Title.BV4908.C66      2010 248.8'434—dc22

2010001693

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

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In loving memory of ROLLY CORNISH and to Emma Jane, Suzy Anne, and Andrew Darren, who, though they will not know their Granddad on this earth, I pray by God’s grace will meet him in heaven.

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Introduction

1 Beginning, Ending, and Beginning Again

2 Identifying Yourself Anew

3 Trusting God

4 Cherishing Christ

5 Enjoying the Holy Spirit

6 Gaining Comfort from God’s Word

7 Learning from Examples of Biblical Widows

8 Learning from Examples of Contemporary Widows

9 Grieving in a Godly Way

10 Managing Your Emotions

11 Overcoming Loneliness

12 Facing Your Fears

13 Battling Your Adversary

14 Learning to Be Content in Your Circumstances

15 Remembering the Past

16 Stretching Forward

17 Distraction and Devotion

18 Making Important Decisions

19 Numbering Your Days with Wisdom

20 Learning from Your Widowhood

Appendix 1 How to Help a Widow

Appendix 2 The Local Church and Its Widows

Appendix 3 The Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ

Suggested Reading

Notes

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

My sincere thanks to:

Elisabeth Elliot, whose writings on grief and widowhood gave seed to this book.

Elyse Fitzpatrick, whose persistent encouragement helped to make this book possible.

John Muhlfeld, my pastor, whose steadfast prayers, kind encouragement, and pastoral perspective on the manuscript gave me confidence in going forward.

Diane Tyson and Michelle Wright, who read an earlier version of the manuscript and gave valuable suggestions and insights, and whose love and prayers made a huge difference as I worked.

Karen Aaron, my sister twice over, whose prayers, daily phone calls, and helpful feedback showered me with love.

My son, Darren, whose love and support have always meant so much to me. I see your dad in your eyes.

Family and friends who regularly asked about my work and prayed for me.

Lydia Brownback, whose enthusiasm for the work, sweet encouragement, and skill as an editor made this book so much better.

INTRODUCTION

Marriage is the most intimate of human relationships. When that relationship is severed by death, intense sorrow follows. I was surprised at the uniqueness and depth of this grief. Over a period of five years, I also lost my father, my mother, my aunt, and my father-in-law. None of these losses, however, compared in intensity to the grief of losing my husband.

My husband died in the late fall, and I distinctly remember being surprised when spring came that I was still alive. I never thought I would make it through the winter. I don’t mean that I was suicidal, but each day was so hard that I thought I would just wear out. Now, several years later, I can tell you with full assurance from the Scriptures and from my experience that God can bring you to a place of contentment. You can faithfully endure the winter of your grief if you lean on the Lord for all you need. It is my fervent hope and sincere prayer that this book will encourage your hurting heart and uplift your soul.

The loss of one’s husband can be disorienting. Christian wives often are accustomed to living every day responding to their husband’s leadership and, consequently, his absence creates a huge vacuum. We Christian widows must embrace the comforting reality that Christ was and still is the head of our home. We need to learn moment by moment, day by day, to live not on our own but in response to Christ. Our husband is no longer here to fulfill his leadership responsibility, but the Spirit of Christ will continue to provide leadership in our home.

John Angell James, writing in the nineteenth century, noted the availability to mourners of general works concerning consolation in affliction, but he lamented the lack of any work prepared to particularly comfort widows. This observation was the inspiration for his book entitled The Widow Directed to the Widow’s God.1 It is an excellent work but challenging to read due to archaic language and an antiquated writing style.

Many contemporary books address the subject of suffering and grief in general. I found some of them helpful. I found it wearisome, however, to sort through them, trying to make application to my particular suffering after I was widowed. The effort to do so seemed Herculean in the exhaustion of grief.

I’ve long been accustomed to putting my thoughts on paper. In addition, my counselor training emphasized the writing of plans to work out strategies for overcoming problems. So, it seemed natural when I faced the monumental task of adjusting to life as a widow to write it all down and fashion a plan for myself. My plan grew and grew and my notebook got so full that I couldn’t get the large-ring binder to close. Over the last several years, I’ve turned repeatedly to this material to find comfort, courage, strength, and hope to go on from one day to the next. The book you now hold in your hands grew out of that plan. I long for you to find in the following pages readily available comfort, compassionate understanding, and real hope.

I want to tell you enough of my story to assure you of my empathy with your grief. But then I want to step aside and point you to Christ, for he is able to come alongside you by the presence of his Spirit. He cares for you. He wants you to know him better. Times of deep sorrow can produce in us a profound sense of loneliness, but if we set our eyes of faith on Christ and seek to know him in the midst of pain, he will give us a clearer vision of who he is and who we are in him. The Lord Jesus Christ can give us confidence in him so strong that we can face anything because he is with us.

Someday the torrent of tears will slow to occasional trickles. Someday the pain in your heart will fade. Someday you will look back and see how far God has brought you. May this book help you to find true comfort and real strength to keep walking with the Lord for his glory and your good as you reach toward that day.

1 BEGINNING, ENDING, AND BEGINNING AGAIN

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; . . .a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

ECCLESIASTES3: 1–2, 4

The discomfort in his right side started late in the summer. Since several family members had wrestled with gallbladder troubles, my husband assumed he was facing surgery at worst, diet changes at best. As his pains persisted, we went to a surgeon who ordered tests but was not alarmed at the symptoms. Follow-up appointments got delayed several times as the surgeon faced serious health problems of his own. Finally, after the third delay, we switched surgeons. This doctor took a more serious and aggressive approach to the problem.

THE BEGINNING OF THE END

Chest X-rays, MRIs, CT scans—the data was collected and the unthinkable climbed to the top of the pile of possibilities. Lung cancer! My husband had never smoked. A tumor the size of a golf ball was present in his right lung. Other smaller tumors were splattered over the lining of the lung like slush on a windshield. Shock is too mild a word for what we felt when we got the news in a phone call. We sat together, held each other, and sobbed.

A biopsy confirmed the diagnosis as adenocarcinoma. My husband underwent surgery in mid-January, and a difficult postoperative period began. Though we were told his pain would last six to eight weeks, he was in pain for the rest of his life—eleven months. The oncologist held out hope that he might have two years left to live or perhaps even longer. The day my husband died, two hospice workers visited him in our home, one in the morning and one in the early evening. That same day he was able to walk a short distance, talk to people visiting, and endure various treatments. But around 6:00 p.m., I noticed some troubling changes. I took the hospice nurse aside and pointedly asked her if he was dying. She responded that he was not actively dying, but five hours later he was dead.

Medical workers can try to estimate the time of death but only God knows when we will die. Approximately three hours after the hospice nurse left, my husband’s pain increased dramatically. I frantically called the hospice and pleaded with them to send another nurse, but they did not consent to my request. I hung up and immediately called for an ambulance, but within minutes my husband took his last breaths. It was unreal. I am grateful to God that my husband died at home, as he wished, and not in the hospital. I saw God powerfully at work that night.

I was blessed that most of my extended family lives nearby. Having two of my sisters-in-law present when my husband died was comforting. They are sweet, thoughtful women, and it was good not to be alone. I called our son to tell him his dad had died. How utterly devastating it was to lose his father! There is something profoundly sad about hearing a strong young man cry—such a juxtaposition of physical strength and emotional fragility, a desire to be strong and a shattered heart. We were up all night.

Family members and friends provided every needed comfort during and after my husband’s illness and death. One friend stayed with me for several nights immediately after my husband’s death. What a comfort to be with a mature Christian woman who knew when to speak and when to be silent! She gently pointed me to the Lord for comfort, prayed with me, and reminded me of the hope we have in Christ both for this life and the life to come. In my exhaustion, it was a significant help to have someone reminding me of these things.

At the funeral service, my pastor blessed us with a message that com- forted the afflicted and afflicted the comfortable. I was thankful for his words. He didn’t waste the opportunity to tell the truth of the gospel.1 Then we drove to the cemetery for the graveside service. It was a sunny day but sharply cold. I stepped out of the limousine and took my son’s arm. As we approached the grave, the funeral director motioned for us to sit in that place where none of us want to find ourselves—the front row—the next of kin. I could barely contain my sobs and silently prayed for strength. This was it. The body consigned to the ground. No more lingering hugs, no warm holding of hands, no sweet kisses from lips that I knew so well, no more sparkle in hazel eyes that twinkled with mischievous humor. I praise God that I will see my husband again some day. I don’t know how long that will be, but God knows, and that makes it all right.

EVENINGS AND WEEKENDS

Though my husband passed on, my life continued. During daylight hours I was okay, but as the sun set and the winter darkness fell around me, it seemed as if the walls moved closer together. At that time of day I was incredulous that my husband was gone. When I started to cry, I wondered how I would ever stop.

Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also.

For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing. (Ps. 31:9–10)

It helped to read aloud verses of Scripture and texts of hymns (I scarcely had enough breath to speak, much less sing). These verses from a hymn helped soothe my aching soul:

Does Jesus care when my way is dark with a nameless dread and fear?

As the daylight fades into deep night shades, does He care enough to be near?

Does Jesus care when I’ve said “goodbye” to the dearest on earth to me, and my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks, Is it aught to Him? Does He see?

Oh yes, He cares, I know He cares, his heart is touched with my grief;

when the days are weary the long nights dreary, I know my Savior cares.2

Jesus cares and he comforts. Recently, I realized that I no longer have large boxes of tissues in every room. Progress, definite progress.

Weekends were difficult to get through and still can be at times, though I do see progress there also. I need to accept a whole different rhythm to my life and to gladly accept it week by week. A friend who is a missionary in Europe and is single counseled me to start my own new traditions. By this she meant that I needed to form new patterns to my days and weeks and months and years. I understood I would need to do this in regard to holidays, but my friend showed me I needed new routines even for ordinary days.

CHECKING OFF A DIFFERENT BOX

I was my husband’s caretaker for the year he lived after his diagnosis. I watched as more downs than ups finally claimed his life. The world couldn’t be without him in it, could it? We met in high school, dated through college, and married soon after graduation. I’ve often thought about the biblical teaching regarding the spouse of your youth. It’s special, that young love, and more so as the years go by and love matures. Friends for forty-five years—friends like that don’t go away, do they? Lovers for thirty-eight years—can love like that leave my life?

Yes, it can. It did. Now I’m single again. Now I’m something I never expected to be. (I should have been more realistic.) I’m a widow. The first time I checked off “widow” on a form it conjured up images of frail old ladies dressed in black, sitting in rocking chairs, and staring blankly into nowhere. It led me to recall a Dylan Thomas story. Referring to elderly aunts he writes, “And some few small aunts, not wanted in the kitchen, nor anywhere else for that matter, sat on the very edges of their chairs, poised and brittle, afraid to break, like faded cups and saucers.”3 I felt like I could break. Would I?

Periods of intense grief become fewer and farther between as we learn to put our trust in God and walk by faith, not by sight. It’s like driving in patchy fog early in the morning. The murkiness clears and you cover some distance, then meet with reduced visibility again until the sun burns off the fog and the road is clear ahead. It’s vital not to lose sight of the Lord as we travel this misty path. God is watching over us with eyes of empathy and love. “When we lift our inward eyes to gaze upon God, we are sure to meet friendly eyes gazing back at us. When the eyes of the soul looking out meet the eyes of God looking in, heaven has begun right here on this earth.”4 We need grace to set our mind’s eye on the Lord and not to take it off. He knows our suffering and longs to comfort us in it. He is not distant or uncaring. He doesn’t want us to travel the foggy road alone. He can and will help us in every way.

GOD’S INVOLVEMENT

Widowhood is not simply a problem to be solved or a circumstance that must somehow be overcome. Because God is sovereign over all things, he is in control of our situation for his glory and our good. I found a helpful article by Geoff Thomas while searching for materials with which to counsel myself. It is entitled “Singleness.” If you are newly widowed, this article may be hard to read but nonetheless encouraging. Thomas gives us a godly perspective by explaining that singleness is a calling from God:

Both marriage and singleness are callings, or vocations. The idea of calling, or vocation, is not one we often use, but it is very significant. When we view our lives as a calling from God, we believe that God has arranged for us to enter a certain state, and God qualifies us to live in that state, and God will use us in that state to bring in the kingdom of God. That is also true for the Christian whose spouse has died, and it is true for the Christian whose spouse has walked out and deserted him or her. Now you have a vocation from God to be single. That is your calling and you can live positively and productively as a single person; you were once single and glorified God by that, and then you were married and you glorified God by that and now you are single again, and that was not bad luck or chance but the will of God, a good gift from the Lord. Jesus said that anyone who can accept this gift should accept it. Let me say quickly that to be sure, no one would expect such a person to think about the advantages of singleness immediately after some traumatic event that has made him or her single, but God reigns and God keeps us all.5

You see, the primary reason we are here is to bring glory to God. We are workers in his kingdom. This life is not principally about comfort or enjoyment as we define them but as God defines them for us.

For over twenty years, I’ve been ministering to women and their families as a biblical counselor. I’ve also been teaching women’s Bible studies. My seminary education and church ministry experience were lifesavers during my husband’s illness and after his death. During this time I started journaling. I emphasized in my writing those things for which I could thank God each day. By doing this I was better able to keep my eyes on Christ and on the good things God was doing during these trials. I commend the practice of journaling to you.

I hope in this book you will find blessing in the things the Lord used to comfort and encourage me. God has no favorites. What he did for me he can do for you. May your heart be strengthened and your soul soothed by God’s Word and Spirit. The Lord specializes in providing comfort to those who find themselves at breaking points. I am eager to tell you how he kept me from breaking and even brought me to the point of incandescent joy in him in the midst of bereavement.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side; bear patiently the cross of grief or pain; leave to your God to order and provide; in ev-’ry change he faithful will remain. Be still, my soul: your best, your heav’n-ly Friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.6

2 IDENTIFYING YOURSELF ANEW

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.

1 CORINTHIANS 15:10

In the past, the word widow conjured up all kinds of negative images in my mind—black clothing, sad looks, desperate sighs, and whispered comments.

A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME

My first experience knowing a widow was as a small child. I remember thinking there was something different about my great-aunt. (All my other aunts were connected to an uncle.) My great-uncle had died, and I heard her called a “widow.” Whatever that meant, I could sense it wasn’t a good thing. It was kept quiet, whispered.

By dictionary definition, a widow is a woman who has lost her husband by death and has not married again. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2006 there were over eleven million widows in this country.1 I was astonished when I first saw that number. After joining the ranks of those millions, I searched for some books that would comfort and instruct me. But, with the exception of a small booklet by Elisabeth Elliot and a book written in 1841, I couldn’t find anything that specifically and significantly spoke to my experience. As a result, I began counseling myself by writing down things that resonated with what I was going through and offered the comfort of God’s Word. I wanted to know what God’s Word said about widows. I needed to inform my mind and organize scriptural teaching about widowhood so I could understand and learn from it. All of us interpret what is happening to us, and I wanted my interpretations to flow from God’s truth.

It’s essential to look first into God’s Word. If we begin elsewhere, we will not know how to think biblically about widowhood. By “thinking biblically,” I mean that we must know what God says so we can think his thoughts after him. This is the path to blessing and real help. I was desperate to find out how God would meet me in my sorrow and loneliness. God says much in his Word about the condition and care of widows. We will consider some verses now and others in subsequent chapters.

YOUR IDENTITY IN CHRIST

According to the Scriptures, our identity as Christians flows primarily from the fact that we are children of God, adopted into his family and saved from an eternity in hell because his Son, Jesus, died in our place to pay the penalty for our sin. God is our heavenly Father, and we belong to him and to our Savior: “Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world” (John 17:24). The Scriptures direct us to think of ourselves in this way. God’s Word uses other metaphors to describe those who belong to God, but “child” or “son” is the principal description and the most endearing.2 You may have a more difficult time adjusting to life without your spouse if in the past you primarily thought of yourself as a wife. Please don’t misunderstand—being a wife is a wonderful gift from God and a significant privilege. But if your understanding of yourself was largely attached to that role, then when you lose that role you lose a strong sense of who you are.

Several months after my husband died, I was sitting with a friend sipping tea and she asked me how I was doing. My friend had been divorced years earlier and knew the heartache and loneliness of formerly being a wife and then wrestling to adjust to altered circumstances. The hasty answer that came out of my mouth surprised me but did not surprise her. I, who had thought I had all my identity ducks in a row, replied that I was trying to figure out who I now was. She nodded knowingly, but I sat silent for a minute or two wondering if I still had my wits intact. What did I just say? My understanding of my identity was being pummeled by my emotions.

I battled for months in the strength of the Holy Spirit to keep a firm hold on my identity in Christ. How we see God—what we understand about him—is essential to every aspect of our lives. From those beliefs flows our understanding of ourselves. The more accurate our beliefs about God, the more our lives will be honoring to him (see John 10:28–29). I needed to remind myself of who God is and who I am in relation to him. This is the key relationship in life. I can lose everyone and everything, but I cannot lose God. He has hold of me and will not let me go. The last part of verse 5 in Hebrews 13 says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” In the original language the verse has more the sense of “I will never not ever no never forsake you.” God is telling us in the clearest possible way that he will never abandon his children.

Elisabeth Elliot, who was widowed twice, would open her radio program with the words, “You are loved with an everlasting love and underneath are the everlasting arms.” Those lovely and comforting words come directly from Scripture: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you” (Jer. 31:3) and “The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms” (Deut. 33:27). Everlasting, eternal, never ceasing, unending—he will never forget you, abandon you, leave you alone, ignore you, or reject you. Let these promises of God soak into your spirit until they revive your wilting soul.

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of pursuing God with your whole heart especially now that you are a widow. It would be foolish to depend on other sources of comfort. Nothing can take the place of knowing who you are in Christ and leaning on God for all you need. Let’s look at some portions of Scripture that teach us about God’s care for widows.

THE BIBLE SPEAKS ABOUT WIDOWS

Running through most of the Bible verses regarding widows is one predominating theme—God’s compassionate care for the relatively weak and vulnerable, particularly widows. This care is manifested in different forms. First, God is concerned that widows are treated with justice and kindness. “You shall not mistreat any widow or fatherless child” (Ex. 22:22). God wants widows to be assisted, comforted, and shown consideration. “[God] executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing” (Deut. 10:18). God is our rock of refuge. Run to him with your cares and anxieties and cast them on him (see Ps. 46:1 and 1 Pet. 5:7). His unwavering love will hold you up. You have no cause for fear when the God of the universe has promised to make you his personal concern.

Second, God commands that widows be treated with compassion and charity:

The Levite, because he has no portion or inheritance with you, and the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow, who are within your towns, shall come and eat and be filled, that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands that you do. (Deut. 14:29)

Because God has special concern for widows, he requires that his people should also have that same concern. God is honored when his people imitate him by being helpful and kind to widows (see also Deut. 24:19–21; 26:12).

Third, God takes particular care of widows. Some of the most comforting verses in Scripture regarding widows are these:

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. (Ps. 68:5)

The LORD watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin. (Ps. 146:9)

The LORD tears down the house of the proud but maintains the widow’s boundaries. (Prov. 15:25)

ADVICE TO WIDOWS

In 1 Corinthians 7 the apostle Paul gives advice to the church regarding how to remain focused on the Lord without distraction so that God’s people could live in a way that would glorify him. How do we apply this counsel to our lives today? Let’s pay particular attention to verses 39 and 40:

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

Widows may remarry if they choose a husband who is a Christian. But what does Paul mean when he says that a widow is happier if she remains unmarried? He explains that the less worldly responsibility we shoulder, the more we can focus on Christ. By using the word “worldly” in verses 33 and 34, Paul does not mean that marriage is less honorable than singleness. Instead, he explains that marriage entails commitments and responsibilities that can distract a person from devotion to God.

Widows who remain single can direct their thoughts with less distraction onto the Lord, bringing them great happiness. It is permissible for them to remarry (a Christian man) and that could be a good thing. It can also be a good thing to remain a widow and be devoted to single-minded pursuit of Christ. This possibility for more concentrated devotion to the Lord is not because single people have more time, as has been suggested by some. The only way to reach that conclusion is by reading into the text an idea that is not there. The possibility for increased devotion comes not from having more time but from having less distraction, which marriage brings.

DEVOTION’S AMBITION

What is this devotion that Paul is talking about? What does it mean to be devoted to the Lord? Let’s look at verses 32–35:

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Devotion is a deep love and commitment. It is great dedication and loyalty to someone. “It is, of course, a characteristic of love that it is always thinking about the object of its love, and . . . that is true of every one of us.”3 Devotion entails having your mind preoccupied with the one you love. Undivided devotion to the Lord is tied to a gripping sense of who Christ is and what he has done for his people through his life, death, and resurrection. “Amazing love! How can it be that Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?”4 “Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.”5 Sincere and fervent devotion to Christ involves both the inward glow of the soul and the outward flow of faithful service for him. It includes ardent love and affection and centering attention and activity on him.

From the backyard of my home, the view stretches for miles to the west. Sunsets are often spectacular with intense, glowing colors that rivet my attention. As the sun sets, the angle of the light produces a constant shifting of colors and patterns that delight the eye. Our devotion to Christ ought to be similar in producing a fixed and loving gaze on him. By seeking to be constantly aware of his presence, our hearts can be filled with warm, ardent, impassioned love for him. We will surely not be disappointed if we seek him with all of our being. He is unique—the God-man. He is perfectly human and perfectly divine. He is the radiance of God’s glory (Heb. 1:3). How could we not be completely captivated by his matchless perfection and glory?

Over the last several years my responses to being widowed have varied. Whether at my worst or my best, God has been faithful beyond imagination. Early in my widowhood, I doubted that I would live long. I couldn’t imagine enduring such pain for any length of time. But God strengthened my faith, and consequently I did not lose hope in him. His Spirit kept encouraging me through many means but primarily through his Word. God weeps with us over the death of our husband. We may feel that he is distant from us, but he is not. In his Word God says:

And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

(Matt. 28:20 nlt) Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for “in him we live and move and have our being”; as even some of your own poets have said, “for we are indeed his offspring.” (Acts 17:27–28)

It is a wonderful testimony to the love and mercy of God that he has made it possible for believers in Christ to be admitted to heaven—a world of love. Marvel at the enormous love of God! He suffered the death of his only Son so that, among other blessings, we can grieve with hope. It is because God in his mercy enabled me to grieve with hope that you hold this book in your hands. God doesn’t have favorites. He will help you too if you ask him.

Be still, my soul: your God will undertake to guide the future as he has the past.

Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know his voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.6

3 TRUSTING GOD

Let your widows trust in me.

JEREMIAH 49:11