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- Herausgeber: Xenophobe's Guides
- Kategorie: Lebensstil
- Serie: Xenophobe's Guides
- Sprache: Englisch
A guide to understanding the Danes that highlights their character and behaviour with warmth and wit.
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Seitenzahl: 99
Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2008
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Xenophobe’s® guide to the
DANES
Helen Dyrbye Steven Harris Thomas Golzen
Contents
The Danish population is 5.5 million, compared with 9 million Swedes who like Denmark for duty-free beer, and 81 million Germans who like Denmark for sun, sand and sea holidays.
Denmark is made up of 406 islands. It is a little larger than The Netherlands and could fit into Sweden ten times (and has tried at various times in history). The state of Denmark includes Greenland which is nearly four times the size of France but is not much use since 95% of it is covered in ice.
Apart from Copenhagen, no town has over 255,000 inhabitants and few have more than 50,000, unless the weather is very sunny and the Swedes very thirsty.
Nationalism & Identity
The Danes and their neighbours
Denmark is a Scandinavian country, but not a very Scandinavian country. It has no midnight sun, no ski-jumps and no reindeer.
Outsiders tend to think of the Scandinavians as all the same, but they are not. The Norwegians are like the Scots; a hardy mountain folk. Swedes are the Prussians of the North; they stand up straight, dress alike and do what they are told. The Danes are more relaxed and easy-going. They sit down: it increases the chances of everyone seeing eye to eye.
“Denmark is a Scandinavian country, but not a very Scandinavian country.”
The differences between these three peoples are best understood by considering the most famous writer of each country: Ibsen for Norway, Strindberg for Sweden and Hans Christian Andersen for Denmark,
They are also reflected in attitudes to alcohol. In Denmark alcohol is freely available and relatively cheap. In Norway and Sweden alcohol is pricey and sales are under state control; a licence is needed not just to sell alcohol, but to buy it. This is good news for Copenhagen bars, which do a lively trade selling Danish firewater to thirsty Swedes and Norwegians on the razzle. No Swedish politician would ever be seen with a beer in his hand, but Danes are happy to see Danish politicians not only holding a beer, but drinking it – although they baulk at footing the bill if it’s done ‘outside office hours’.
“The Danes think of their neighbours as they would members of their family. Denmark is the baby sister whose idea of fun occasionally shocks.”
The Danes think of their neighbours as they would members of their family. Denmark is the baby sister whose idea of fun occasionally shocks. The other Scandinavian countries are of course brothers. Finland is the one who is moody, unpredictable and possibly autistic. Norway is accepted as equal, perhaps even slightly envied for its oil wealth, natural beauty and exclusivity. Sweden is the boring older brother who thinks he knows best, is well dressed, well behaved and infuriatingly politically correct. However, Sweden offers lower tax, cheaper housing and luxury cars at giveaway prices compared with Denmark. Younger Danes have a sneaking admiration for the Swedes that they try to keep hidden.
The Swedish countryside is much admired and many Danes holiday in Sweden, but they feel somehow that Swedes don’t deserve their wonderful surroundings. In Danish eyes Sweden is a cultural and human desert. There are rules about everything and you need a second mortgage to stand a round of drinks. Both countries have fines for dogs fouling the pavement, but in Sweden you actually get caught.
In the spirit of New Europe, Danes try very hard to like the Germans, but it’s hard work not to bite the hand that feeds them. Danes are convinced that the Germans are trying to take over Europe, cunningly disguised as tourists. They are intensely concerned that the pølse tyskere (sausage Germans) will buy Jutland as soon as they get the chance and turn it into a windsurfing centre. Germans regularly fall asleep on their sailboards and have to be fished out of the North Sea halfway to Grimsby by the long-suffering Danish air-sea rescue service. All the summer houses are rented out to Germans, there are even German editions of local newspapers, and LEGOLAND, complete with a part of the Rhine Valley, is filled to the brim with Germans determined to enjoy themselves. However, Germans are more acceptable if they buy plenty of Danish products. They are also partially forgiven for being German if they employ Danes in their businesses.
“The Danes attribute their success to having all the virtues of their neighbours and none of their vices.”
Inflation in Denmark is negligible, the economy is strong and technological development is world-class – not bad for a country with a population roughly that of South London. The Danes attribute this success to their having all the virtues of their neighbours and none of their vices. They share the Germans’ methodical attention to detail and the Swedes’ egalitarianism and level-headedness. Gone is the plodding, constipated German imagination (or lack of it) and the dreary Swedish party-pooping pedantry. According to the Danes, what’s left is a unique mixture of conscientiousness and informality that makes Danish overseas travellers breathe a sigh of relief when they cross the border home.
High fliers
The Danes fly their flag with pride. The red and white ‘Dannebrog’ against a clear blue sky is enough to bring a tear to their eyes. Rural inhabitants invariably have their own flag pole set squarely in the middle of their garden. Town dwellers rent an allotment and plant a pole along with their broad-leaved parsley. Both have lists of dates magneted to the fridge giving details of when to ‘let rip’ – public holidays, festivals, state visits, their own birthdays, anniversaries, etc., and town ‘fêtes’ when flags line the main street to remind everyone that the local shops stay open late that night.
“Danes who cannot fly flags out of doors have mini flagpoles as part of their table decoration for high days and holidays.”
Danes who cannot fly flags out of doors have mini flagpoles as part of their table decoration for high days and holidays, and even fly the flag on cocktail sticks. Shops and advertisers use the flag to promote their goods, and Danish football fans were the first to paint their faces with their national flag.
There is nothing threatening about this nationalism. As a nation, the Danes have not been a threat to anyone for hundreds of years.
How they see others
The rugged individualism of American society is at odds with the importance which Danes attach to social cohesion. Americans are seen as an essential ally and the scientific research they generate is admired, but if a situation is approaching unacceptable levels, for example, Danish children are being fed too much fast food, a Danish academic of some description will appear on the news proclaiming that Denmark is hurtling towards an ‘amerikansk tilstand’ (an American state of affairs).
“The rugged individualism of American society is at odds with the importance which Danes attach to social cohesion.”
The British are regarded as class-ridden with Dickensian social values, a view supported by costume dramas shown on television. This does not prevent Danes from showing great enthusiasm for the English language, English pop music and league football. Though deeply censorious of the Germans and pitying of the Swedes, the Danes are angels of patience and tolerance when it comes to the English. The drunken buffoonery of English football fans is met with smiles of understanding. The sight of an English football fan halfway up a lamppost swilling beer from the anus of an inflatable rubber pig caused little more than some shaking of heads. A German or a Swede would have been arrested and heavily fined.
“There are really only two things that Danes may envy other nations: warm winters and a beautiful language.”
The Danes look on the outside world confident that they may not have achieved a perfect society, but they are closer to it than most other people. There are really only two things that Danes may envy other nations: warm winters, and a beautiful language.
How they see themselves
Efficient, environmentally conscious and generous to those less fortunate outside their national borders are how most Danes see themselves. However, behind this idyllic description lurks the Danish tax man, ‘skattefar’ (tax daddy), wielding more power than George Orwell’s Big Brother.
The substantial taxes needed to support the well-developed welfare system (about 50%) are chalking up an ever-widening distinction between those who work and those who don’t. Scratch the surface and you find that the Danes’ image of themselves varies a great deal. At one extreme there are self-employed Danes who see themselves as freedom fighters manacled to an interfering state. For them, hours of extra paperwork mean that a working day often stretches into the night, and ‘black work’ (moonlighting) is a national sport. At the other extreme, more and more Danes are languishing on one of the highest unemployment benefits in Europe. The majority of the working population jogs along on the verge of Utopia, somewhere between the two.
“Danes know with 100% certainty that Denmark is the best country in the world.”
The tax situation might explain the Danes’ love of a good deal. Haggling is not unusual and impromptu flea markets are common. Non-money transactions are also popular. ‘I’ll paint your windows if you update my website’ (Copenhagen). ‘I’ll swap you a pig for your trailer’ (Jutland). It’s another way of diddling the taxman.
Taxes aside, Danes know with 100% certainty that Denmark is the best country in the world. To debate this immutable truth is evidence of mental instability. Denmark consistently takes top place in the United Nations World Happiness reports – a fact that is only surprising to non-Danes. Deep down Danes believe that being Danish is a privilege and makes them special. They say that if Scandinavia is a bowl of rice pudding, Denmark is the ‘smørhul’ – the golden hollow in the middle, full of melted butter. Ask them why, however, and they are unlikely to be able to string together enough positive adjectives to convince you. Sentences containing more than two such words prompt most Danes’ innate ‘anti-brag’ filter to kick in. Positive words used by youngsters to mean ‘cool’ include fedt (fat) and sej (tough), both of which can be applied to bacon.
“The Danes’ mission in life is to help the rest of the world to see just how wonderful Denmark is.”
The Danes’ mission in life is to help the rest of the world to see just how wonderful Denmark is. They feel sorry for all the poor souls who aren’t Danish, have never visited their country, or otherwise live in heathen ignorance of their land of milk and honey. Even their closest neighbours remain in the dark. For instance, efforts to rebrand the nearby Swedish region of Skåne as ‘Greater Copenhagen’ (which could extend the Danish capital while bringing economic benefit to that part of Sweden) have so far met with resistance. Meanwhile, as they cannot bring themselves to boast about how fantastically lucky they are, they use an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to get others to see the light.
How they see other Danes
Even a country as small as Denmark has strong regional differences. Copenhageners make great show of not being able to understand some of the thicker regional accents in Jutland and regard travelling there with foreboding. For them it’s full of scowling, muscle-bound yokels itching to put the city slickers in their place. Jutlanders are also seen as rural masters of understatement. According to popular belief, the Jutlander rarely says anything downright positive, for example when asked if he wants coffee, he doesn’t say ‘Yes’, he says ‘I wouldn’t say no’.
