Artificial Maturity E-Book

Tim Elmore

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 399

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2012

Beschreibung

How to raise kids who can handle the real world Today's Generation iY (teens brought up with the Internet) and Homelanders (children born after 9/11) are overexposed to information at an earlier age than ever and paradoxically are underexposed to meaningful relationships and real-life experiences. Artificial Maturity addresses the problem of what to do when parents and teachers mistake children's superficial knowledge for real maturity. The book is filled with practical steps that adults can take to furnish the experiences kids need to balance their abilities with authentic maturity. * Shows how to identify the problem of artificial maturity in Generation iY and Homelanders * Reveals what to do to help children balance autonomy, responsibility, and information * Includes a down-to-earth model for coaching and guiding youth to true maturity Artificial Maturity gives parents, teachers, and others who work with youth a manual for understanding and practicing the leadership kids so desperately need to mature in a healthy fashion.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Before You Read Anything Else…

Chapter 1: What Is Artificial Maturity?

The Problem

The Big Debate

Four Areas to Measure

So What Are We to Do?

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 2: We Didn't See It Coming

Generation iY

So…What Has Happened?

High Arrogance, Low Self-Esteem

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Three Options

Bursts of Information

What's Happening to Their Brains?

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 3: Who Is Generation iY?

What the Next Generation Needs Most

Four Pursuits

Counterfeits

Is This the End of the World?

Velvet-Covered Bricks

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 4: A Balancing Act

Your First Balancing Act

Your Second Balancing Act

Your Third Balancing Act

Earning Their Autonomy

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 5: The Problem of Atrophy

Why These Virtues Have Atrophied

The Postponed Generation

Please Say No

Failure and Stress

EQ and IQ

From Illusion to Disillusion

An Action Plan

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 6: The Problem with Talent

Why Can't I Grow Up?

Marks of Maturity

The Problem Is Expanding

So…What Can We Do to Help?

I Wish There Were More Like Ashley

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 7: The Pull to Be a Karaoke Parent or Teacher

The Evolution of a Karaoke Parent or Teacher

Why the Pull to Be a Karaoke Parent or Teacher?

The Problem with Karaoke Leadership

The Surprising Secret to Connecting with Young Adults

No, We Are Not OK

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 8: Turning Artificial Maturity into Authentic Maturity

Lingering Too Long in the Land of Potential

The Need for Pure Discipline

Ingredients to Turn Artificial Maturity into Authentic Maturity

The Trip

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 9: The Future of Parenting and Education

Student Engagement and Student Success

This Is Only the Beginning

Four Ideas to Better Engage Students

Critical Thinking

Four Debts We Owe Our Kids

The Goal That High Schools Should Embrace

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 10: What Will Kids Look Like in the Future?

Homelanders: The Next Generation

Early Predictions

Question: What Will Success Look Like in the Future?

Answer: Convergent People Are Successful People

What Occurs When Convergence Happens?

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 11: Correcting and Connecting

Hurdles Kids Must Jump to Grow Up

Remember When…?

Three Steps to Connecting

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 12: Becoming a Soul Provider

Needed Change Is Transformational, Not Transactional

Gifts a Soul Provider Gives

Will Kids Revolt?

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 13: The Big Picture

Seven Phases of Growth and Development

Growing Through the Phases

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Chapter 14: Passing the Baton

How Do We Pass On Values?

Where Do I Begin?

What Must I Do?

Seven Myths

My Pledge

Chapter in a Nutshell

Talk It Over

Notes

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Acknowledgments

About the Author

About Growing Leaders

Index

Copyright © 2012 by Tim Elmore. All rights reserved.

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Cover photo copyright © iStockphoto

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Elmore, Tim.

Artificial maturity : helping kids meet the challenge of becoming authentic adults / Tim Elmore. — 1

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-118-25806-4 (hardback); ISBN 978-1-118-28307-3 (ebk.); ISBN 978-1-118-28463-6 (ebk.); ISBN 978-1-118-28533-6 (ebk.)

1. Adolescence. 2. Emotional maturity. 3. Adolescent psychology. 4. Young adults—Psychology. 5. Parenting. I. Title.

HQ796.E554 2012

649′.125—dc23

Before You Read Anything Else…

I am very aware that the title of this book may sound negative. It might appear as though I am a prophet of doom who sees the glass as half empty and believes that kids today are worse than they've ever been.

That isn't true. This is actually a book of hope. I love kids. I have worked with students since 1979, and I believe in this generation like none before. I believe they have the potential to be the greatest generation—a population Warren Bennis calls the “Crucible Generation.” He and many others believe these young people may just be the ones who transform society globally and restore democracy and goodwill.

I believe this with one caveat. I predict all this is possible if we, the adults, will rethink the way we parent, lead, teach, coach, pastor, and manage them. It's up to us what kinds of adults our kids will become. So far, many of them are a part of a leaderless generation. The adults have failed to provide them with a compass for their lives. Many adults have done more protecting than preparing. Some moms and dads want to be pals rather than parents. And many adults are just overwhelmed with the notion of leading kids today—and they surrender their role as leaders.

Abigail Van Buren once said, “If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders.” I am concerned that we've ignored this simple wisdom from the past, and we've produced children who are a shadow of what they could be. I am convinced they are capable of so much more than we expect of them. They are loaded with potential, but we've been afraid to let them try … to let them fly.

I recently had the privilege of teaching leadership to high school students in Gwinnett County, Georgia. They are part of GSLT: the Gwinnett Student Leadership Team. I love these students. They are bright, alert, grateful, energetic, and hungry to grow and learn. At the end of the training session, one girl approached me and said something we hear students say over and over again: “Thanks for not dumbing down the principles you teach. Thanks for talking to us like adults. Thanks for not making this easy, but expecting us to rise to the challenge and actually apply what you share with us.”

This junior in high school was simply saying she appreciated adults who conversed with her rather than lectured to her; adults who relayed life-changing principles to her and the other teens in the room. She was grateful for adults who believed these high school students could actually go back to their campus and practice the principles that were presented.

I have said for years that we adults underchallenge kids today. They are capable of so much more than we imagine or require of them. And they want to achieve more, but often fail to because adults don't challenge them. We dumb it down.

In our desire to make sure that everyone gets it, that everyone feels like a winner and no one ever feels left out, we oversimplify; we introduce a world that is far too syrupy and unreal … and kids know it. Sadly, we prefer happy kids, who may be oblivious or numb to the tragedies around the world that beckon them to serve and to lead. We leave them unmotivated and unchallenged. Consequently, they live “down” to our expectations … and remain kids.

I have a deal to make with you. How about we stop that. Instead, let's believe in these students and challenge them to rise to their potential. My guess is they'll do it and surprise us with their gifts, ingenuity, and influence. I'd like to give it a shot. As Robert Brault once said, “Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit.”

For this book to be as practical as possible, I knew I couldn't do it alone. So I sent a message out to more than twenty thousand parents, teachers, youth pastors, deans, principals, employers, and coaches around the world, asking them if they'd be willing to send me their most helpful ideas, projects, or traditions that have enabled the kids under their care to mature and become healthy adults. The responses I got were nothing short of amazing.

In fact, I was elated to receive far more ideas than I could possibly put in this book. I am grateful to everyone who weighed in, and you can read many of the ideas that couldn't fit into this book in my daily blog: http://blog.growingleaders.com. Some of the most helpful and creative ideas that I thought might spark some ideas of your own—and help you create traditions to foster authentic maturity in your kids—are included as exercises at the end of each chapter.

Here is my attempt to sound a warning I believe caring adults must hear and heed. I recognize only a fraction of the population may hear this cry—but I am crying out anyway. Will you join me in developing these kids into the best versions of themselves? As they grow, may they be the greatest adults our world has ever seen.

Tim Elmore

APRIL 2012

Chapter 1

What Is Artificial Maturity?

California, the Golden State, was home for most of my life. It's probably called the Golden State for a number of reasons—not the least of which was the gold rush, which started on January 24, 1848.

James Wilson Marshall was not on a gold-hunting expedition that icy Monday morning. He and his crew were building a sawmill. Early that day as Marshall inspected the site, he saw flakes of raw yellow imbedded in the smooth granite bedrock. Once word about his discovery got out, people swarmed to California with the hope of getting rich overnight. The infamous gold rush was on.

The part of this story most people forget is the large number of people whose expectations were dashed when they found nothing—or worse, when they discovered iron pyrite, or “fool's gold,” a naturally occurring mineral that is often mistaken for gold. Many “fools” thought they struck it rich in that rush, only to find out that their “gold” was actually worthless.

In many ways we have another gold rush today. This time, the gold we hunt for is mature teens. By this I mean young people who are mature for their age; kids who experience “authentic maturity,” growing up not merely in one facet of their lives but also physically, emotionally, intellectually, socially, and spiritually. This is what parents hope for in their kids. It's what teachers dream of in their students; it's what coaches look for in their athletes; it's what employers need in their young team members. That maturity is what we saw in many young people a hundred years ago—but, alas, it is rare today. Something in our culture has shifted.

Educators and social scientists are mourning today's generation of kids who have postponed growing up. They lament students' delayed entrance into adulthood. Adolescence, in fact, has been prolonged among millions of teens and young adults. I have lost count of the number of university deans who've told me: “Twenty-six is the new eighteen.” In a nationwide survey, young adults agree. When asked what marks the beginning of adult responsibility, their number one response was “having my first child.” Interesting. The average age that Americans have their first child is twenty-seven-and-a-half years old. The MacArthur Foundation suggests that adolescence doesn't end until age thirty-four. Employers, coaches, teachers, and parents are “hunting” for an elusive maturity that, frankly, is hard to find. And what's scarce is valuable. No doubt about it, there's a rush on.