Assertiveness E-Book

Conrad Potts

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 230

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013

Beschreibung

How to overcome challenges with confidence

No matter how successful we are, we all face stressful and hard-to-handle challenges in daily life, and – if we want to be as happy and healthy as we can – we must learn to assert ourselves, make our voices heard and approach life with confidence and self-assurance.

This book is a roadmap to help you navigate your way through those challenging opportunities, hurdles and milestones. Taking universal scenarios case by case, and packed with practical tips, this inspiring, down-to-earth book will give you the tools to build your self-esteem and become happier, healthier, and in control of your own destiny.

• Written in an approachable style which posits practical solutions to a range of universal problems
• Deals with assertiveness in business, family, social situations and all areas of life
• Covers topics like ‘dealing with your boss’, ‘dealing with finances’, ‘asking for a pay rise’, ‘saying no at work’

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Plant Ecology

Title page

Copyright page

Dedication

Introduction

PART ONE

1: What is Assertion?

Three ways of behaving

Recognizing the three behaviours

Summary

2: Win-Win

The win-win corral

What is win-win?

A win-win process

What stops us achieving win-win more often?

The difference between win-win and compromise

No win, no play

Summary

3: It’s All in the Mind

Beliefs

12 steps to Developing an Assertive Belief

Rights

Devil or angel – self-talk

You have a choice

Worst-case scenarios

When the situation is going wrong – in real time

Back to the future

Summary

4: Assertive Communication

The danger of mixed messages

Two levels of communication

Non face-to-face communication

Trust and rapport

Assertive listening

Behaviour is catching

Levels of assertive options

6. Sanctions Assertion

7. Process Assertion

Summary

PART TWO

A real-life story

Wake-up call

Standing in the other person’s/people’s shoes . . . what are they thinking?

Taking things on when they’re small

Options

Actions

Time to choose

Now begin!

5: Getting the Respect You Deserve at Work: Saying “no,” handling put-downs and being taken seriously

A real-life story

Wake-up call

Standing in the other person’s shoes

Taking things on when they’re small

Options

Actions

Time to choose

6: Getting the Best Out of People at Work: Giving praise and criticism, communicating clearly and getting your requests met

A real-life story

Wake-up call

Standing in the other person’s shoes

Taking things on when they’re small

Options

Actions

Time to choose

7: Handling Difficult Behaviour and Coping with Conflict: Dealing with aggression and gaining commitment from others

A real-life story

Wake-up call

Standing in the other person’s shoes

Taking things on when they’re small

Options

Actions

Time to choose

8: Being Assertive in Meetings and Presentations: Getting our views heard and getting our butterflies under control

A real-life story

Wake-up call

Standing in the other person’s shoes

Taking things on when they’re small

Options

Actions

Time to choose

9: Families – Who’d Have ’em?: Managing kids, handling teenagers and coping with partners and parents assertively

A real-life story

Wake-up call

Standing in the other person’s shoes

Taking things on when they’re small

Options

Actions

Time to choose

10: Friends, Neighbours and Social Occasions: Managing different expectations and keeping relationships in tact

A real-life story

Wake-up call

Standing in the other person’s shoes

Taking things on when they’re small

Options

Actions

Time to choose

11: Getting the Service You Deserve: Standing up for your own needs so that others acknowledge them

A real-life story

Wake-up call

Standing in the other person’s shoes

Taking things on when they’re small

Options

Actions

Time to choose

Sustaining Your Assertion: Maintain your self-confidence and well-being

The health fountain

About the Authors

Acknowledgements

Index

“If you are not an assertive person, this book will help you. It is a down-to-earth, practical and eminently sensible guide to achieving successful interactions with all the people in your life – inside and outside the workplace.”

Professor Brenda Gourley, Former Vice Chancellor and CEO of The Open University

“Written in a down-to-earth and pragmatic style, this book shows that asserting yourself in the right way will lead to a happier, more satisfying and healthy life and bring profound rewards at work and home – a great read!”

Simon Cooper, Director of Organisation Effectiveness at Informatica Corporation and Author of Brilliant Leader

“We all sometimes hit low points in our lives and careers. I loved this book as it was brilliant at reminding me of the importance to prepare and practice for those challenging situations that we face at work and at home.”

Donna Kinnair DBE, Chief Nurse NHS Southeast London

“Whether at home, at work, at rest or at play, being assertive can be the difference between getting what you want and failing to meet your own standards. This book shows how to be yourself and improve your life by saying what needs to be said.”

David Holdgate, CEO, Satellite Information Services

“Getting the right balance of assertiveness is critical, especially in your career – this book is an empowering, practical guide in how to achieve this.”

Gary Bullard, CEO, Logica, UK

“The perfect read for anyone who wants to be more assertive in any area of their life.”

Ann Craven, Director Supply Chain, Invensys

“In this book, Conrad and Suzanne bring their wisdom, experience and unique viewpoints to bear on one of the most challenging areas of human interaction.”

John Varney, CEO, Maximum Clarity

“A practical and down-to-earth guide showing you how to be more assertive; it will help you, friends, family and colleagues communicate better and get more from life.”

Stella Collins, MD, Stellar Learning & Founder of The Brain Friendly Learning Group

“Assertiveness provides open, honest and practical solutions to help you communicate your ideas clearly and get what you want when it really matters”

Kevin Davidson, CEO, Maxwell Drummond International

“This book is an empowering, practical guide to transforming your life by becoming more assertive.”

Simon Vyvyan, CEO, Industry Media Ltd

“This book shares a wealth of sound practical advice to help you be more assertive, effective and in control of your life.”

Sally Morris, Housing Manager, Littlehampton & Rustington Housing Society

“Read this book and you can pull even the hardest people into line. As a manager, you need your team to be on board with you and deliver projects – this book will put you on the path to project success.”

Clive Davies, Project Manager, Engineering, Metadata

Cover design: Binary & The Brain

© 2013 Conrad & Suzanne Potts

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A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN 978–0-857–08368–5 (paperback) ISBN 978–0-857–08366–1 (ebk)

ISBN 978–0-857–08367–8 (ebk) ISBN 978–0-857–08365–4 (ebk)

This book is dedicated to our children Sarah, Jo & Oliver

Introduction

Assertion is more than just a set of techniques – it is a way of thinking about how to be authentic and get the most from life. Assertion is supported by beliefs which develop a positive mental approach to life’s ups and downs. You become the puppeteer and not the puppet.

Almost everyone seems to be working under greater pressure as the demands of the job or life in general increase. Life changes, such as moving house, getting married or coping with bereavement, can further contribute to this pressure.

We know demands come from various sources, both from things occurring in our external environment as well as what’s occurring internally – in our heads, we all know how our mind affects us physically too.

The internal pressures may be products of how comfortable and pleased you are with yourself, your body, what you say to yourself, aspects of your personality, life experiences, your belief systems, your sense of self-worth and purpose.

We use assertive behavioural skills to achieve a greater balance between competing demands, so that you can learn how to experience less stress, become better at managing your time, be more satisfied with how you behave and, in turn, lead a really happy, healthy and fulfilling existence.

We see assertiveness helping you excel in all the areas of your life, be it social, spiritual, financial, at work or with your family. What happens around you is often a reflection of your own creation. Your thinking determines the results you get. Think negatively and you will attract negative realities; think assertively and the benefits of life will come to you.

As training consultants, specializing in the field of assertion for the last 30 years, we have been privileged to run assertiveness training programmes across the globe: in Europe, the emerging democracies of Eastern Europe, Asia, the South Pacific and the Middle East. We’ve managed to help literally thousands of people stand up for their views and ideas and achieve more wealth, health and happiness.

We have been invited to conduct assertiveness training at all levels within organizations to change and develop more cooperative business cultures.

Increasingly, we have engaged with CEOs and chairmen of boards, and have been part of British industry’s drive to develop more women to board-level positions.

Our keynote speaking for industry conferences, corporate events, education seminars and charity forums has encouraged participants to revitalize their approach both at work and at home.

In Part One of this book we explore the characteristics of assertion and a range of assertive behavioural tools to use.

Then, in Part Two, we describe a variety of real-life situations that you will no doubt have some experience of. We’ll take the assertive principles discussed in Part One into a number of challenging social and work situations. We will demonstrate how you can put into practice these assertive tools, within these various settings, so that you build your self-confidence and esteem, and get more of what you want by paying attention to what others want.

Throughout the book there are a number of exercises for you to complete, to reinforce your learning and have some fun experimenting.

Since you’ve chosen to read this book we acknowledge that you’re investing in your future. Thank you for setting aside the time to do this, and we wish you a very satisfying and reward­ing life.

Seize the day – the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

Horace/Lao-tse

Conrad & Suzanne Potts

PART ONE

1

What is Assertion?