Be E-Book

Nevin ElGendy

• Herausgeber: DIWAN
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 199

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

Be: Lead a Happy and Fulfilled Life (the Golden Edition).This book has inspired many readers to create and live a happy and fulfilled life. Through a very simple step-by-step process, Be takes you on a self-dispcovery journey capturing the essence of being truly alie and guiding you to become the creator of your own life. This Golden Edition is the revised edition of Be, with two new chapters "You and Money: A Love-Hate Relationship," and The Story Behind the Be Cover.

Leseprobe

Book Dedications

This book is dedicated to:

Everyone who crossed my path - you helped me become the person I am today.

Everyone who loved me - you taught me ‘love’.

Everyone who hurt me - you taught me how to show up, to speak up and find the voice I lost for years.

You taught me forgiveness.

You taught me how to love myself, by not allowing you to hurt me any more.

You taught me how to set boundaries, with love, not anger.

You taught me how to love you, by not allowing you to hurt me any more.

Acknowledgment

To all the people who saw the writer in me when I did not; who saw inspiration in my journey and my story and encouraged me to share it... THANK YOU!

To my dear school friend, Nadia Elsheebiny, who was always there for me. Back in 2001 when my kids used to leave their computer on, I used to unplug it to power it off. Nadia taught me how to use a computer. A few years later, she encouraged me to do my online graduate degree in Project Management from BU. Nadia was always present, listening and supportive, in all my major life decisions. Nadia never gave advice, she listened. Instead, I heard myself and knew what I needed to do. Nadia is the one behind the name niVoforlife☺ and she built my current website. THANK YOU Nadia!!

Sallie Kinawy, my dear friend and client, without you this book would have not made it. Sallie is my editor. I had to race myself with all my workshops and retreats’ commitments to write the book and deliver it on time. I used to sit, write, and as soon as I finished, I would throw the whole manuscript on her, without even proofreading. We joked about telling her it feels like delivering a baby for three days and once the baby is out, I would think: “I don’t even want to see it now. Just take it, clean it up, let me sleep and we will meet tomorrow.” You made this journey doable and fun! THANK YOU my friend!

Padme’s prophecy... A few years ago my dear friend Padme J Raina asked me to go study and fine-tune my God-given skills and become a life coach, and I did. Later Padme said: “Nevin, one day people will work with you, not because of the program or the destination, but because they trust you and want to have the “Nevin experience.” None of that would have been true without you. THANK YOU!

My dear old friend, Waleed Shalaan, architect and Design Director at AREP... Thank you very much for the fabulous photo at the end of the book. The energy and colors of your shot captured the very essence and spirit of BE... A Happy and Fullfilled Life. THANK YOU Waleed!

A special thank you to the very gifted graphic designer and owner of PrintheStitch, Marianne Sahouri. Your amazing work on the book cover and back was truly appreciated… THANK YOU for everything!!

To the very talented Creative Director and Beauty Consultant Sally Rashid, your artistic and innovative ideas never fail to produce magnificent outcomes. The inspirational book cover was born out of your very clever ideas, while at the same time you had the daunting task of working with someone who does not use any makeup at all. But you managed to turn the photoshoot into a brilliant and fun experience. THANK YOU my friend!

A big THANK YOU to the very clever professional photographer Youssef Tayeh. Your very artistic and creative talents shone brightly during our very early morning cover shoot. I could not have chosen a more gifted photographer to create such beautiful photos to choose from. Thank you for a fabulous front cover photo!!

To all my clients who trusted me, and allowed me to share their sacred journey, THANK YOU. You are the most beautiful part of my story.

And finally, to my family, thank you for the gentle love and the tough love; both went into creating the Nevin I am today. THANK YOU!

Table of Contents

Introduction

The ‘Why’

CHAPTER 1

The Shift

CHAPTER 2

The Weed’s Story

CHAPTER 3

The Process: Five Solid Steps to Confidence

CHAPTER 4

Connect and Listen: Foundations of Change

CHAPTER 5

Questioning our Thoughts: The Breakthrough

CHAPTER 6

Perceptual Relocation: A New Dawn

CHAPTER 7

Action Time: Getting Unstuck/Moving Forward

CHAPTER 8

Self-Love: The Game Changer

CHAPTER 9

Mastering Relationships

CHAPTER 10

You and Money: A Love-Hate Relationship

CHAPTER 11

Heads Up: Challenges and Obstacles

CONCLUSION

Welcome to Your New Heart-Felt Desired Life

The Story Behind the Be Cover

INTRODUCTION

The ‘Why’

“Nevin, you won’t make it in life!” my teacher said!

Back in school, almost thirty-five years ago, I had an English teacher to whom I submitted an assignment. Later, she couldn’t find it. She said: “It’s not even important to find it because I’m sure it’s not good enough.”

This was something very difficult to hear but what affected me even more, for a long time, was the comment she made as she was leaving the class: “You will never make it in life!”

I carried those words inside of me for so many years, believing them about myself, and because of that, I did not make it for quite a long time. And it’s not out of lack of my abilities but only because I believed her.

My life changed when I started believing new stories about myself and it was quite fascinating to remember this incident on the very day I finished writing my first book... This book!

I was helping a friend find her voice in a relationship she was struggling with. My friend said, “Nevin, I am not a good writer like you.” Ironically, at that very moment, my teacher’s comment rang in my ears. And it hit me, I’ve come a long way and she was wrong!

On that same day, I was working with one of my clients, who’d been offered a new position, one she was looking forward to for years. However, when it manifested, she got scared because a couple of her trusted colleagues said that this position was very vague and she should refuse it. I asked her, “Isn’t this what you wanted to do for years?” Her answer was “Yes!” “So the problem is that it’s vague, yes? Then define it, ask questions and find your answers.”

I asked her to look back five years and see how far she has come and asked her if she thinks this person can do this new job today? That was when her energy shifted and gave me a solid YES! I said to her, “I bet those two trusted colleagues have been doing the same job for years?” She said, “Yes!”

Don’t allow people to ‘project who they think they are’ and ‘make you believe this is who you are’. I have done that... I lived both worlds.

Choose your world. Choose who you are and who you want to become.

So, how and why did I decide to write this book?

It all started when I began hearing the same comments from different people, like friends, mentors, and even clients, but the funniest one came from my masseuse.

I had sold my Ottawa house and was on my way to Toronto. Being totally exhausted after arriving, I decided to go treat myself to a massage. Karen, my masseuse, is a very gentle soul. I was starting to relax when she suddenly said, “Nevin, I see you in a bookshop, sitting behind a table and a lot of people are lined up in front of you. They’re coming for you to sign a book, which you are the author of, and it has your picture on the cover.”

Totally amused, I said: “What?!”

Yes, people who know me, whom I share my story with, tell me: “Nevin, you should write a book.” But Karen knows nothing about me. I personally did not ‘know’ myself yet as well. That’s why, to me, her observation was quite creepy ☺.

I believe this is when I seriously started considering writing a book.

When I think of why people were making those comments a lot, I guess it has to do with my personal stories and the life I lived. I am an Egyptian who attended the American University in Cairo. I am quite conservative by nature and ended up marrying a very liberal man. People can identify with me from both the East and West because I AM the East and the West. Probably this is why I chose to live in Istanbul, a city that combines Europe and Asia into one. Again East and West... I am Istanbul.

Every few years, I would ‘reinvent’ myself. For those who share my life closely, that can be quite challenging, due to my constant changes. But when you think about it, isn’t the only constant in life ‘Change’?! So actually, I’m living by the Law of Life: Change. It is that ‘awareness of change’ that makes my life interesting.

We all have issues that we struggle with, which are actually opportunities in disguise. They are here to teach us something about ourselves, about what we need ‘to change in our lives’, and thereby, change ‘how we feel’ about our lives. This is exactly why I’m writing this book, to show you how to change and create ‘your heartfelt desired life’.

So how does one go about doing this?

First, you need to understand your ‘inner’ world, in order to know and lead the change in your ‘outer’ world. The pathway to change in your life is in ‘changing yourself’. The key here is knowing that YOU CAN change your life.

It’s important to note that, when a couple decides to be together, they need time to know each other, and this is a relationship that can be broken at any given time. On the other hand, the one relationship that will last throughout your existence is your relationship with yourself. So, it’s very important to know who you are, in order to start creating the life that you really want.

I went through different phases in my life. One very important phase extended for almost ten years, where I went into ‘cocoon’ mode by spending a lot of time alone. I was on a mission: Traveling inward to ‘know’ Nevin! I really wanted to pause and know this person, whom I will be spending the rest of my life with. I remember my daughter saying that she felt I was depressed for those ten years. This was the first time I realized that this was how I was being perceived. When actually I was starting the most important journey of one’s life... my ‘inward’ journey!

A lot of times we think we know what we want. And when we get there, we realize it is not what we really want. Why? Because it was what we ‘thought’ we wanted. However, we really don’t know ‘what we want’ until we know ‘who we are’!

The following were the questions I was looking for the answers to, in those ten years:

Who am I?

What feels right for me?

What feels wrong for me?

What’s my mission?

What are my strengths?

What is my dream?

What motivates me?

How can I make a difference?

What am I struggling with?

How can I help me?

How can I help others help me?

What are these struggles telling me about me?

What do I need to change in me?

I realized that when I get to know this person, the real Nevin, she will grow, knowing that when she grows, she will grow her life and help others grow. This is why I am writing this book!

I want you to know that whatever is going on in your life, it is not final. That you always have choices. Life is happening all the time. But How We Show Up is our choice. Our attitude is our choice. But first we need to know, believe, and act, and this is when we can master our attitude and start owning our emotions.

When we don’t depend on situations or others to make us happy, we become the creators of our experiences:

When we really understand this cliché of “We are Mind, Body, and Spirit.”

When we get to know how the mind, body, and spirit operate.

When we, with our new awareness, orchestrate the relationship between the mind, the body, and the spirit, for the wellbeing of the whole. The wellbeing of YOU!

Yes

You can create the life of your dreams.

You can be who you are, and be loved and respected for your true ‘authentic’ self.

You can totally own your emotions and not be led by random emotions.

You can live in flow.

You can grow.

You can be aligned with your mission.

You can experience relationships on a different level.

Yes, You Can!

In this book, I will share the story of Nevin the ‘Yellow Weed’, as they call me. I will also share stories of my lovely clients, and our secrets of success and how we became the creators of our chosen lives. We were not in a different place than you are today! And you also can live that life and join the ‘niVoforlife’ tribe.

Live from your heart. You will “Get Clear... Become Confident... and Go Big.”

So, it’s time for You to:

Connect and Listen... The Foundations of Change

Question Your Thoughts... The Breakthrough

Perceptually Relocate... The New Dawn

Take Action... Getting Unstuck/Moving Forward

That’s the path and Home is your destination

So, allow me to guide you back home. In this journey, I am your tour leader, not your tour operator. I will take you to places I have visited; I’m not sending you to places I did not go to myself. My intention is to help you become your True Self and live the life you were born to live.

In these pages, you will identify the questions you need to ask yourself, in order to find your own answers. The right question is always half the answer. Between these pages are the reasons why you are where you are today, plus the path and the way out.

So, follow your heart and find your home.

Before we start this journey, we have some rules:

Just ‘wanting’ to change your life has expired. It is time for a ‘clear decision’ to change.

A clear decision to follow the process.

A clear decision to commit to a new way of thinking and new actions, including taking risks.

To go up, you need to give up!

The first thing you will give up is your old thinking patterns.

I promise you, if you follow the process, you will get to where you want to be, to that place you thought was impossible. So, do the possible today, by giving up the old thinking, in order to reach the impossible tomorrow.

The first decision you will make right now before we move one step further in our journey is: Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? Choose and decide. If your answer is ‘I want to be right’, then close this book right now, as it won’t help you. If your decision is ‘to be happy’, then let’s do it!

Fasten your seatbelt, as you will have one hell of a fun ride with the niVoforlife experience... Making Change Fun!

Yes, that is my promise to you: To Make Change Fun!

CHAPTER 1

The Shift

July 17, 2017, Fiumicino Airport, Rome

This is when my client Nadia met Nour, on my Matera, Italy retreat.

Nour had been following me on Facebook for a while and wanted to join one of my retreats. She first tried to join my Morocco retreat in April 2017, but she failed, and later we will go into the details of why she failed to join.

When Nadia arrived at the hotel she asked me, “Nevin, who is this girl Nour and what is she coming to do with us?” I asked her, “Why are you asking?” She replied, “We met at the airport in the immigration line. Every time the line turned and I was facing her, I could see how dull, sad, depressed, and heavy she looked and felt.”

Yes, that is exactly how Nour showed up, when we first met and when she reached out later, to work with me one on one. Nour, which means ‘light’ in Arabic, had just separated from her husband, after a marriage of almost thirty years. I remember how tense and anxious she was in our first clarity session. She didn’t trust herself, nor trust that ‘what she needed’ was there. She was super stressed trying to find it, asking me to repeat what I said, because she missed it. Nour shared that she woke up every morning, with a pain in her heart, to a life she didn’t want to have any more.

And this was the very reason why Nour never made it to my earlier Morocco retreat... because she didn’t know what she wanted, she didn’t set true intentions, and she didn’t trust. On the other hand, with a few one-to-one sessions and newly acquired tools, Nour bought her plane ticket to Rome, without knowing how she would manage to go because of her commitments. The difference this time was a changed mindset of clarity and setting intentions of what she wanted, taking actions to move forward (buying her ticket), and knowing deep inside (having faith) that she ‘would go’ on that trip. And sure enough, she made it to Rome four months later.

Now, I will leave you with Nour and her own words, describing how her life was for so many years. I will be jumping in from time to time when necessary.

“He was critical of the way I talk, my opinions, how I dress and how I showed up in my life, to the tiniest details, even the way my arms moved when I walk. He was making it difficult for me to balance work and home, calling me up every single day at exactly 4 pm to make sure I left work on time. He was too rigid in our household demands, with no consideration for my needs and feelings.

“I was constantly being compared to our female friends and his family. If I said or suggested something, it was silly! If someone else said the same thing, it was amazing and to be respected. I was walking on eggshells all the time, couldn’t say what I want, and couldn’t be who I am. I was not feeling loved at all. At this point, I started to hide behind others to help express my views. I could no longer see myself... I completely lost Nour. I felt like I was socially unattractive. I became overwhelmed by the smallest tasks, what to cook or even planning a weekend away. I had no drive to do anything.

“I was ridiculed and criticized, while on vacation, in a hotel lobby, in front of our kids, for having worn the same pants I had worn two days earlier, as part of another outfit. And again, on countless occasions, being verbally insulted and criticized for what I was wearing, what I was saying, for not having the right food on the table, or for supporting something which I felt strongly about. Being belittled and treated as if I didn’t understand or know any better, in front of my children, made me feel ashamed and unworthy. I started believing him and not appreciating myself. I believed what I heard, and his story became my story. And that’s when I became an angry and resentful person.”

Nour felt disrespected, ridiculed, controlled, unappreciated, and taken for granted. She was losing her identity and being made into a person she is not. She was lost, feeling alone. As these feelings kept growing day by day, Nour started doubting herself. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence took over and started running the show. And this is when the negative self-talk began; the inner critic was now running the show for her.

“Why did you do this? You are stupid! You should’ve thought things through a little better! You never get anything right. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Nothing was ever good enough. I am never ‘good enough’! It was then that I started becoming the ‘people pleaser’. I thought this was what would make me feel loved and appreciated and help me feel good about myself!

“Boy, was I wrong!

“I started losing sight of my priorities. I was no longer in the equation of ‘my life’. I became depleted, run down, hopeless, and of course, all my results went downhill.

“And what did I do?

“I started judging myself harshly by my results. I used them as a proof as to how ‘awful and stupid’ I am and that I am not ‘good enough’ for anything. I was caught in the vicious circle of awful self-talk. Every genuine act became a burden to me. I didn’t enjoy anything in my life any more. Every day was like the day before and the day after, with no hope of change in sight.

“I started avoiding him, avoiding my life, avoiding me! My soul was crushed, leaving me living, but ‘not alive’. I felt completely lost and alone. At first, my dream was to be loved and appreciated for who I am. I wished we could share a real life of love and joy, with the same dreams and interests, where we both supported each other’s growth. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

“At that moment, when the pain became so unbearable, I began to feel the need to search for myself. I wanted to find and know Nour, to feel loved and appreciated for who I am, not for someone I’m not. I felt a need to travel inside myself, in order to explore new things and find my passion.

“In short I wanted ‘To be Alive in my Life’ and this is when I met Nevin and my journey of ‘change’ began!”

Those were Nour’s own words.

As I was writing this chapter I was in continuous contact with Nour. At one point I was reading her initial ‘intake’ form she’d filled a few months earlier when we first met.

And here is the question I asked in the form and her answer:

And what difference would that ‘change’ make in your life, and emotional well-being? “Make my Soul smile...”

Right at the very second I was reading her answer, I received a message from Nour and below is her own text:

“I feel Joy in my heart.”

“I feel like I’m in expansion mode.”

Again, below is a description in Nour’s own words on how life started changing for her:

“I honestly didn’t think there was any hope of anything changing in my life. I felt there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I had this continuous sad feeling of ‘lifelessness’ inside my heart like nothing really mattered any more. I felt alone, depressed, and just so overwhelmingly stressed. But things started to change once I started my journey with Nevin. At the beginning of our sessions, I had the idealistic thinking that Nevin would have a miracle cure for my hopeless state of mind. I was so anxious because I wanted to ‘just feel good inside’, right there and then. Of course, that was ridiculous thinking on my part.