BE ONE E-Book

Jimmy Rex

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Fachliteratur
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 330

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

Become an authentically good person surrounded by healthy and supportive relationships. In BE ONE: How to Be a Healthy Man in Toxic Times, celebrated founder of We Are The They, a one-of-a-kind movement offering men, their wives, and teens the tools and network they need to thrive, Jimmy Rex, delivers a straightforward roadmap to being, finding, and raising a good man. The book cuts through the noise and offers readers the resources they need to live a deeply fulfilling and extraordinary life. Insightfully vulnerable and highly practical, this book is packed with funny storytelling, essential life skills, and proven practices. It uncovers deep-rooted issues that have kept you disconnected from your needs and desires, and it offers solutions to your most complex problems. You'll also find: * A framework for self-actualization directly adapted from the author's famous We Are The They course * Strategies for overcoming unwanted behaviors and finding a life guided by passion, purpose, and meaning * Compelling discussions of the hallmarks of goodness and integrity, and their role in living a authentically fulfilling life Perfect for men, women, parents, and young adults hoping to make meaningful changes in their lives in the face of challenging obstacles, Be One is an empowering and inspiring guide for self-transformation that's accessible to everyone

Leseprobe

BE ONE

BONUS CHAPTERS

’FIND ONE‘ AND ’RAISE ONE’

“WASTE NO MORE TIME ARGUING ABOUT WHAT A GOOD MAN SHOULD BE. BE ONE.”

– MARCUS AURELIUS

HOW TO BE A HEALTHY MAN IN TOXIC TIMES

JIMMY REX

FOREWORD BY ED MYLETT

Copyright © 2024 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.Published simultaneously in Canada.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is Available:

ISBN 9781394229123 (Cloth)ISBN 9781394229130 (ePub)ISBN 9781394229147 (ePDF)

Cover Design: Brett Horrocks & Kesia Nielsen

Dedicated to the men who took a chance on me and a chance on themselves. Men committed to becoming more.The men of We Are The They.

Foreword

OVER THE YEARS, I've had the honor of coaching many remarkable individuals. I've seen countless success stories unfold before me, but what I've witnessed with Jimmy, as his mentor and friend, has been nothing short of extraordinary. He embodies the success that's entirely achievable when one approaches life with the correct mindset and leads with the heart.

BE ONE: How to Be a Healthy Man in Toxic Times is not just another self-help book. This is a guidebook for an entire generation of men, and those who love them, who are striving for greatness but find themselves struggling to deal with cultural pressure, societal expectations, and personal challenges. Jimmy understands the complexities of being a man in today's world and refuses to succumb to anything that will take him out of integrity. This book will teach you to do the same—to dig deep, find the best version of yourself, and unleash the power within you.

Each chapter isn't just for momentary motivation or to give you insights you've already thought of—they cover 12 core areas of your life that you can shift out of toxicity and into life-giving vitality. I've witnessed firsthand the power of Jimmy's system and his movement, We Are The They. It's one that every man, woman, and teenager can benefit from.

So, “Why now? Why this book? Why Jimmy's system?” The answer is simple: because it works. It's real, it's raw, and it's relevant. We are living in unprecedented times, and this requires an unprecedented approach. There is an epidemic of confusion leaving so many people frustrated and unfulfilled. What's my role in society? What's my true purpose? What's my life supposed to look and feel like? This book is timely and timeless, providing a proven system, with practical take-aways, that answers all of these critical questions. The world is craving authenticity, integrity, and connection, and Jimmy addresses these needs head-on, providing practical solutions for personal growth and societal change.

Let's be clear, this is not a quick fix—it's a lifelong commitment to being extraordinary, a pledge to be the most authentic version of yourself every single day. It's about honoring the responsibility you have, not just to yourself, but to those around you. Your growth, your transformation, will ripple out and impact others in ways you can't even imagine.

Don't just read this book; absorb it, live it, become it. Take action and watch how you transform, how your relationships deepen, and how your vision for the future expands. To everyone reading this—this book is what you've been waiting for. And as you turn each page, remember this: the world needs you. Not a version of you molded by society or tarnished with toxicity, but the authentic, powerful, and best version of you. Jimmy cares deeply about his mission and lives his life in a way that reflects that commitment. He can show you how you can do exactly the same thing in your life.

Don't hold back. Your journey begins now, and it's not just about you. It's about those around you, the community you live in, the family you love, and the legacy you will leave behind. Embrace this path of self-discovery and growth, for it will unlock doors you never even knew existed.

There's no time to waste, no reason to doubt yourself; the world needs good men, and you know it's time to be one, find one, or raise one.

Ed Mylett

Preface

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

IN DECEMBER 2021, I founded We Are The They (WATT), a first-of-its-kind and rapidly growing coaching program. Through WATT, thousands of men and their families now have the resources, experiences, and network they need to become the best version of themselves. I directly mentor a wide array of members, from ex-pro athletes and established entrepreneurs, to everyday badasses and up-and-coming leaders. My long-time friend and previous mentor, Melissa, leads the Queens group, and the Next Gen group for teens is led by myself and many other outstanding men.

Before founding WATT, I had a 17+ year career in real estate, selling more than 2,500 homes, including the Utah real estate record for the most expensive private residence. My journey as a mentor began in that arena as well, coaching over 20,000 real estate agents and sharing my experience in two self-published books. But that's just “paid work.” My life's work is to serve people and explore the world. I host The Jimmy Rex Show podcast (500 episodes and counting); I've traveled to over one hundred countries, and I've gone undercover to rescue children being trafficked with Operation Underground Railroad. Through those missions, I gained diplomatic status in Mexico and have memories and friendships that will last me a lifetime.

Building WATT is the most important thing I've done in my life. It's so transformational, it's hard for me to even know what to call it. Sometimes I say it's a “Coaching Group,” a “brotherhood and a sisterhood,” or other times I say it's a “movement.” It's hard to describe because I've never seen anything like it. But at its core, WATT is a group of men, women, and teenagers committed to personal growth and supporting each other. Every member agrees to being authentic, vulnerable, and in integrity, three values you'll see interwoven throughout this book.

We Are The They might sound like a mouthful, but the naming origin is critical to what the group stands for. Several years ago, after returning from a dangerous undercover mission with Operation Underground Railroad, my girlfriend at the time said, “I really don't want you to do this anymore. It's super dangerous and a really bad environment.” I responded, “Yes, but this is now part of my life's work. Did you not just hear about all the kids we rescued?” Her response was one of concern, “I know somebody has to do this but why can't they just do it?” Without thinking, I responded, “There is no they; we are the they!” Therefore, I wanted my own movement to attract members who aren't afraid to do something extraordinarily courageous—like taking ownership of their life and doing the work to be an unconditionally loving and holistically healthy human.

In today's world, the most challenging aspect for many men is finding a space where they can let down their guard, remove their facade, and be seen for their authentic self. Our society has constructed barriers that make it difficult to acknowledge our struggles, admit the problems we face, and voice the loneliness we feel. As a result, men don't have the tools to lead, wives are unsupported and overwhelmed, children aren't raised properly, and the foundations of our society are crumbling.

It's a troubling reality that it's so easy to use distractions to cope—be it work, sports, or more destructive escapes like alcohol, drugs, or pornography. These aren't simply vices; they are cries for understanding, a yearning for meaning, and quick ways to find a sense of self-worth. However, being ashamed for mistakes, actions that have caused harm, or poor decisions just perpetuates the toxicity that many people, just like me, must work to overcome.

After leaving the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I began a 10-year journey of self-exploration. I did my best to revisit and reshape my beliefs about God, find my true life's purpose, heal family relationships, and learn about love. As a result, I found I was meant to be of service and as a result, created an extraordinary fulfilling life.

Friendships, community, and mentors made one thing clear: I couldn't go far alone. Throughout those years and still to this day, I seek out wisdom from esteemed coaches, mentors, and leaders. I read over 500 books in a decade and attended every possible event, mastermind, or retreat I was called to—my thirst for knowledge and growth was insatiable.

What was my key realization after so much learning? The love and validation I was seeking externally had been within me all along. Because of my childhood, I realized I tended to rely on others as well as unhealthy relationships to food, caffeine, and social interactions. After transforming my body, my mind, and finding peace within my soul, a burning question persisted: What next?

One day, my friend asked, “Jimmy, who comes to you for advice? What do they seek?” The answer had always been right in front of me. I realized just how many people reached out to me, expressing admiration for the life I led and a desire to learn how they could do the same. The men around me craved the same kind of close-knit friendships that I had.

That conversation marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I knew the best way to be of service was to create an environment that empowers people to change themselves, alongside brothers and sisters who are doing the same. That was my calling—to create a space for men, and now women and teens, to lead extraordinarily fulfilling lives. We Are The They is that calling come to life. Part coaching program, part community, but truly, at its heart, a movement that gives members the connection, purpose, and meaning, similar to organized religion, but without the dogma, hierarchy, or tendency for control. Many members are still active in their faith, but We Are The They is the day-to-day experience of what religions preach about.

The overwhelming response I received when launching this movement made it clear how needed it is. There is a clear yearning for community and a sense of belonging, but we are left unfulfilled by the short-term thrills of living a hyper-individualized lifestyle. We live in a time where material achievement is seemingly more important than meaningful experiences, loyal friendships, internal wealth, or holistic health.

This book is a guide to becoming and being exactly who you're meant to be, and a reminder of what it takes to live an authentically satisfying life. I'm grateful you are curious to do the work to be a healthy human even though we're living in such toxic times. I stand with you and am here for you, as we both become the goodness we wish to see, knowing there is no one else that will do it for us.

Acknowledgments

CREATING THIS BOOK has been an incredible experience. Looking back at my own journey, and the journey of the men of We Are The They (WATT) has been both therapeutic and energetic. Most people won't sign up for that path of introspection. A straightforward life is more than enough, they'll say. They don't need to understand why they do the things they do. They're not interested in letting others in through vulnerability. They'd rather go a mile wide and an inch deep. But I know firsthand you've gotta dig for the good stuff.

The men of WATT are different. Since day one they've played all out and embraced the path of self-awareness. I'm inspired daily by their courage and authenticity. Seeing a man put down his armor for the first time, in a room full of other men, and allowing himself to be seen is a beautiful thing.

This book is dedicated to them. Every single one of them. It's dedicated to those early believers who joined in December of 2021, not even knowing what they were signing up for. It's dedicated to those few, who saw the power of the first group and raised their hands to keep raising the bar. Thank you to every single one of you for trusting me with this process. Thank you for allowing me to be less than perfect, to learn as we grew together, and for rolling and adapting to my crazy ideas.

I'm so honored to help lead this group of humans, committed to becoming better fathers, husbands, sons, and friends. And it's not the big things, it's the many small moments of perfect connection that have validated all the other decisions I've made in my life. I used to wonder if I was on the right track, if my life mattered, if I was making the right choices. I don't worry anymore. The ripple effect of these perfect moments into the world have shown me, without a doubt, that it was all exactly as it was supposed to be. Every mistake I made needed to happen. Every decision I doubted was part of the process. While my life has been messy, it's been a beautiful mess. It all led to today where I get to witness the miracles and feel the love of this unbreakable brotherhood.

I love you guys. We're just getting started. We Are The They.

I'd also like to acknowledge Syris, who was the master at taking my words and putting them to paper. My best friend, Cameron, who saw the potential of this book and demanded it be everything it was supposed to be. To my coaches, Ed Mylett, Neil Strauss, Stefanos, Mel Abraham, Erwin Mcmanus, Melissa, and Kathy: it takes a village to keep me moving in the right direction. And to everyone else who has helped mold me and this program into what it needed to be. Thank you all. This book is a product of all of us and a testament to the power of your positive influence.

Introduction

“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”

—Marcus Aurelius

EVERY SINGLE THING you see around you was first created in somebody's mind before it became a reality in the physical world. Every great thing that's ever been made, like democratic governments, safe neighborhoods, or a healthy culture, doesn't happen by accident. They were created by great men and women that sacrificed and put in the effort to create it. Sadly, every evil and terrible idea that has surfaced in this world was also the creation in someone's mind before being made into a reality.

Misguided men are now trying to manufacture a world they want others with less resources to exist in. They are working hard to preserve their power and steadily gain more control of their fellow man. They have created it in their minds and are trying to force their will onto society. There's only one way to stop them. Good men and women have to create our own vision of the world and work harder than those who need us for their continued power.

That is how evil is eliminated, that is how we create a loving world, one which works for us and not against us. It's no longer okay to sit back and hope somebody else fixes the problems. Designs are being made for a world much less safe, much less accessible, free, and sovereign, and much less loving than the one we get to enjoy today. What will be your contribution? Where will you step in and help create a better world? What idea have you been sleeping on and been too afraid to create?

Many people talk about improving their lives, but very few bet on themselves and take action. Just by reading this book, you demonstrate your commitment to improving the quality of your life, your relationships, and the lives of those around you. No matter where you have been, what you have done, or who you have been, I promise, you will see a drastic improvement by investing your time, attention, and intention into these pages.

Waste No More Time

There has never been a more crucial point for those on this planet looking to make a difference. The economy is experiencing changes we've never endured before. Politics are more toxic than ever. Masculinity and morality are under attack from every angle. Men are being manipulated to mistrust their hearts and doubt their integrity. Womanhood is under attack, being reduced to derogatory names like chest-feeder, pregnant person, or extra-hole haver. While it is undeniably true that many men do exhibit toxic behaviors, I'm resolute that these contemporary trends miss on what true masculinity, femininity, and humanity are about.

We know that men have a special place in our society, raising strong children and honoring amazing women. However, many men are crippled with toxic behaviors that lead to significant trauma created within themselves, toward others, and their creations.

I have a confession. Starting my movement to help men level up in their lives and writing this book were the two scariest things I've ever done. I was terrified. It was confronting. I still often question myself on the best way to do things. And I'll let you in on a secret: people who write nonfiction books write about topics they've struggled to embody. That's why writing this book was a healing journey. It forced me to face every shadow, uncover every stone, and do my best to authentically and humbly share what I've learned in my process of becoming a man of integrity. But I did it. I answered the call because I know there are millions of men, women, and teenagers who need the tools, network, and resources to level up in life.

For me, the quote on the cover of this book and at the beginning of this Introduction perfectly encapsulates what we all must do. It's not only foundational; it's non-negotiable. We truly are living in toxic times. Can things get worse? Could we reach nuclear catastrophe? Could America enter into an economic “dark night of the soul” unlike ever experienced before? Without a doubt. But we don't have to! And even if we do, it's up to you, and every individual, to do the work to be that which we want to see in the world.

Therefore, we must “waste no more time.” You must act now and do so daily. Like the name of my movement, We Are The They, there is no “they” coming to do what you alone can do. Secondly, there is SO MUCH NOISE in our modern world. So much arguing. So much division. Separation. Anger. Loneliness. Trauma. Abuse. Like I said, things aren't good, and they could get worse. However, by reading this book, you've joined a movement that's making things better. But you must also take action. In the depths of your soul, you know what you need to do. This book serves as a structure, guide, and reminder of what it means to be a good man.

So, waste no more time arguing or being distracted by others arguing about what a good man is or is not. It's time to BE ONE.

The Heart of This Book

Integrity is the quality of being honest, virtuous, and adhering to strong moral and ethical principles. It is the consistency between one's thoughts, words, and actions, reflecting your commitment to truth, fairness, and reliability. It's doing the right thing when it seems no one is looking. It's who you are behind closed doors and in the limelight.

Integrity is a fundamental aspect of personal development as it forms the foundation of your character. It influences your relationships, choices, and overall well-being. It builds self-trust, brings about positive interactions with others, and is the No. 1 characteristic to find and cultivate true fulfillment.

When Marcus Arelius said, “good man,” he's speaking to the embodiment of integrity that only comes through taking informed, intentional action. While this book is predominantly written for men and young men, it's also written for those who love them, meaning single and married women, and mothers.

The chapter “Find One” is written for both men and women looking to get into a relationship with an authentically good man. I offer unspoken secrets, green flags, and red flags that everyone needs to know before, during, or after getting into a romantic relationship. The chapter “Raise One” is written for parents seeking to raise a man (or woman) of strong character. I also recommend that teens read this entire book.

You hold in your hands a blueprint that covers all areas of life, from mental health, friendship, creating a passionate work life, leadership, and so much more. This is the sole guide in being, finding, or raising a healthy man.

Notes for the Reader

At the beginning of each chapter, you'll find subtitles like, “From ASHAMED to LOVED,” or “From IRRELEVANT to APPRECIATED.” These are the transformations that you can expect to experience by reading and applying what's offered in that chapter. That being said, the ultimate transformation of this book is that you'll move from being FRUSTRATED to being FULFILLED. That's my promise to you.

My deepest intention is that by reading this book, you'll know exactly what you must do to overcome any toxicity within yourself, becoming a beacon of hope that it's possible to live an extraordinary and deeply fulfilling life.

I'm excited for you to dive in, and to fully embrace what you need to know to be a healthy man in spite of living in such toxic times.

As you dive into this book, I invite you to extend your experience with us at thebe1book.com/start. Here, in this specially curated online space, you'll find a wealth of resources that complement and enrich your reading experience.

1Be Decisive: From ISOLATED to INSPIRED

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

—Nelson Mandela

LIKE MILLIONS OF others, waking up early and getting out of bed used to be the hardest part of my day. To hold myself accountable and overcome this all-too-common weakness, I scheduled one of the members of my movement, We Are The They, to be at my front door waiting for me at 7:00 a.m. Every morning, I do a 45-minute walk, get to know them, and learn about what's going on in their lives. In this chapter, we're going to cover everything about mindset and why an accountability tactic like this is so powerful. I'm also going to tell you the most important story that I told one of my guys on one of these daily walks. When I think about mindset, I'm always reminded of hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro. I have a million lessons I learned on that mountain, but they can mostly be boiled down to two things: mindset and the people around you that impact your mindset.

The way I even came to do this hike is a story of its own. I was looking for adventure, so I called a buddy of mine, Jason Van Camp. This guy was a Special Forces commander and had over a thousand troops under his command. Needless to say, he's badass. I told him we should go do something crazy. Without missing a beat, he said, “Well, actually, if you ever want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, I'm in this group called the Waterboys. I think I could get you a spot.” This group is something Chris Long (the second pick in the NFL Draft and 2× Super Bowl champion) started to build wells for families in Africa that don't have clean water. It wasn't long before Jason called me up and said, “Hey, Rashad Evans (Hall-of-Fame UFC fighter) just backed out. I think I can get you in! It's 10 NFL guys, 6 Special Forces guys, 1 Wounded Warrior, and then you, I guess … the realtor.”

The day of the hike, I went with the six military guys; three Marines, two Green Berets, and a guy named Q, Phil Quintana. He was wounded in Iraq and would be climbing the entire mountain with one leg. I was shocked he was doing it, but deeply moved when I saw him. Q said he'd been training with one of the other climbers, a former NFL player named Dave Vobora. Dave was a middle linebacker for the Rams, an absolute giant of a man. After his playing days were over, he set up the Adaptive Training Foundation in Dallas, Texas. They take people from the military who have lost limbs and prepare them for things like climbing, ski jumping, or the like. Dave had been training Q for nine months just to climb this mountain.

In the morning, before we were about to leave, I had breakfast with Q. He was sitting by himself, and I wanted to get to know him. He was shy, but it didn't take long for him to open up to me saying, “The reason I trained so hard is because there are more men in my position than you realize, and we don't have much purpose or hope. It really sucks. So, I want to do this and show these other men what they're capable of.”

Mt. Kilimanjaro is a six-day hike, with the first five days hiking over nine hours per day. It's intense, but also pretty basic—one step after another. But that sixth day is one you would never forget. Our second day out, I settled in next to Dave and told him how incredible it was that he'd trained Q to come out here. Knowing how hard the final push was, I couldn't help but ask, “Do you think he's gonna get to the top?” He looked at me and said, “Man, I sure hope so. Jimmy, I'm going to tell you a secret that nobody else knows. I've been training Q for nine months, but three months ago, I got a call in the middle of the night from his wife. He had a shotgun in his mouth, fully loaded, safety off, finger on the trigger.”

Dave continued, “It's the third time within the last year that he's tried to kill himself, and we've had to talk him out of it. If this guy gets to the top of this mountain, he'll get over this barrier. He'll find his own purpose, and he'll thrive. He's got two little girls at home. His wife is amazing. But if he doesn't get to the top, he'll be dead in six months.” I thought we were just climbing a mountain. But after hearing that, I decided, “Okay, shit. Let's make sure we all get to the top of the mountain.”

On day five, the last night, we got into the base camp about 3:00 p.m., ate, and tried to sleep for a few hours. Since it's so cold at the top, nobody could sleep so we were all just standing around trying to stay warm.

One of the military guys started asking everyone who we thought wouldn't get to the top. He turned to me and said, “I think it's going to be you.” I wasn't offended; it was the predictable answer. Remember, I was just the realtor. The other guys were Marines, Special Forces, and professional athletes. The group leader heard this and was immediately irritated. “What are you talking about? We are all going to the top.” The guy who singled me out figured this hike was all about physicality, but I knew better. It was all mental. I knew this mountain would be one of my life's hardest nights. But I made up my mind; I was going to the top. Not only for my own sake, but now that I knew Q's story, this hike was so much bigger than just me. I had made my decision.

Six hours into our last night, the guy who questioned my ability to finish was gone. I asked a few people what happened, and they said he wasn't feeling good, so he turned back. He ended up being the only person who didn't make it to the top that night. His very line of questioning showed his mindset. He had made it possible that someone might not reach the top. For him, it was an acceptable outcome to quit. His attempt to deflect his worries and fears on others was a mirror of what was really going on inside his own head and heart. So, I'm sure you're wondering, “If that guy quit, what happened to Q?”

If you've ever climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, you know you have to keep the false summit in mind. The false summit is about six hundred feet below the real summit. It's the hardest part because it's so hard to breathe. I couldn't even think straight. It was, and still is, the most brutal thing I've ever experienced. And yet, Q was crawling on his hands, all cut up, heading for the top. We were supposed to be at the summit at 7:00 a.m., but we were way behind because Q was struggling. I watched him fall 50 different times and really mess himself up. It wasn't pretty, but he was determined; he was inspired.

I happened to be at the front near the two leaders of the groups, and I overheard them saying, “He's done. He's given everything. Let's get him down. It's getting dangerous.” Hearing that, all I could think about was what Dave had told me. I was just the realtor; I had no say, but I knew Q couldn't stop. I panicked, thinking, “Shit, no, no, we can't do this.” I frantically looked around, and finally, I saw Dave.

I ran over to him and said, “Dave, they're trying to get Q to go down. You've got to do something!” He stormed over and grabbed Q saying, “Listen here! You're not done yet. You're going to the top! If we have to carry your ass, we're taking you to the top!” All Q could do was nod “okay.” Then, Dave turned to the group leaders and said, “This guy is going to the fu*king top!” We threw his arms around us and began to help him make the final climb. This was a great idea … for about 40 seconds. We all took turns and helped him get to the top, but he was done. It took Dave and I and several others to be there for him when he had nothing left on the descent. It took all of us to help him get across the finish line.

This story always makes me emotional because it was truly a life-or-death thing. There was no way Dave was going to let Q not get to the top. When Q was finally helped to the summit, Dave was there and kissed him on his forehead. I knew what that kiss meant, and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

To succeed in life, only you can make that decision. It has to be a conviction that you will give everything you've got, no matter what. This could be being a more present father, successful in business, more accepting of your family, or standing up against toxicity in your friend group, community, and our society. But you don't have to do it alone.