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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Ratgeber
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023
Are your words and your body telling the same story? Discover the impact that nonverbal behavior has on communication Much of a message's meaning comes through what's not being said. To master the art of clear communication, you need to be able to read others' body language and remain mindful of the messages your own gestures, movements, and facial expressions are sending. Body Language For Dummies shows you how to interpret nonverbal cues at work and in your personal life. With the help of this easy-to-follow Dummies guide, you can navigate the gap between words and meaning--even in multicultural settings. Plus, this updated edition goes virtual, with new insights demonstrating the significance of facial expressions and body language in online vs. in-person meetings. * Gain insight into other people's thoughts, feelings, and intentions * Develop an awareness of how your body language influences others' opinions * Make the camera your friend during virtual meetings * Learn tips and tricks to uncover people's real attitudes and motivations If you want to better understand others and improve your own communication skills (and who doesn't?), this is the Dummies book for you.
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Body Language For Dummies®, 4th Edition
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Media and software compilation copyright © 2023 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. All rights reserved.
Published simultaneously in Canada
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Library of Congress Control Number: 2023935333
ISBN 978-1-394-16849-1 (pbk); ISBN 978-1-394-16850-7 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-394-16851-4 (ebk)
Body Language For Dummies®
To view this book's Cheat Sheet, simply go to www.dummies.com and search for “Body Language For Dummies Cheat Sheet” in the Search box.
Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Introduction
About This Book
Conventions Used in This Book
Foolish Assumptions
How This Book Is Organized
Part 1: Getting Started with Body Language
Part 2: Starting at the Top
Part 3: Letting the Limbs Do the Talking
Part 4: Putting the Body into Social and Business Context
Part 5: The Part of Tens
Icons Used in This Book
Beyond the Book
Where to Go from Here
Part 1: Getting Started with Body Language
Chapter 1: Exploring the Fundamentals of Body Language
Discovering How Body Language Conveys Messages
Examining Key Types of Gestures
Getting the Most Out of Body Language
Chapter 2: Looking Closer at Nonverbal Behavior
Observing the History of Body Language
Understanding the Nuts and Bolts of Body Language
Spotting Differences in Body Language
Offering a Final Word on Nonverbal Behaviors
Part 2: Starting at the Top
Chapter 3: Heading to the Heart of the Matter
Demonstrating Power and Authority
Showing Agreement and Encouragement: The Nod
Displaying Attention and Interest
Indicating Submissiveness or Worry
Showing Boredom
Indicating That You’re Deep in Thought
Chapter 4: Watching Facial Expressions
Letting Your Face Do the Talking
Recognizing Facial Expressions
Chapter 5: Eyeing the Situation
The Power of the Held Gaze
The Wandering Eye: Breaking Eye Contact
Chapter 6: Mastering Lip Reading
Revealing Thoughts, Intentions, and Emotions
Differentiating Smiles
Remembering that Laughter’s the Best Medicine
Part 3: Letting the Limbs Do the Talking
Chapter 7: Taking It from the Torso
Gaining Insights into the Impact of Posture
Identifying the Three Main Postures
Changing Attitudes by Changing Posture
Using Posture to Aid Communication
Shrugging Signals
Chapter 8: Arming Yourself
Crossing Your Arms
Conveying Friendliness, Honesty, and Joy
Touching to Connect
Chapter 9: Letting Your Hands Do the Talking
Reading Palms
Hands Up!
Letting the Fingers Do the Talking
Analyzing Handshakes
Taking Things in Hand
Displacing Your Energy
Chapter 10: Standing Your Ground
Taking a Stance
Reflecting Your Feelings in How You Position Your Feet
Walking Styles
Chapter 11: Playing with Props
Using Accessories to Reflect Mental States
Through the Looking Glasses
Making It Up as You Go Along
Dressing the Part
Part 4: Putting the Body into Social and Business Context
Chapter 12: Being Aware of Space and Distance
Understanding the Effect of Space
Knowing Your Space
Using Space
Considering Seating Arrangements
Orientating Yourself
Chapter 13: Rating, Dating, and Mating: Sensual and Sexual Body Language
Attracting Someone’s Attention
Showing that You’re Available
Progressing through the Romance
Chapter 14: Interviewing, Influencing, and Playing Politics
Making a Great First Impression: The Interview
Creating a Positive Environment
Angling Your Body to Convey Attitudes
Negotiating Styles
Chapter 15: Crossing the Cultural Divide
Recognizing the Different Strokes for Different Folks
Observing the Conventions of Higher- and Lower-Status Behavior
Getting Specific: Common Gestures, Multiple Interpretations
Avoiding Problems and not Causing Offense
Chapter 16: Communicating in Challenging Circumstances
Avoiding the Spread of Disease
Adopting New Forms of Salutations
Meeting Virtually
Part 5: The Part of Tens
Chapter 17: Ten Ways to Read Other People
Distinguishing Between Positive and Negative Body Language
Pay Attention to the Voice
Notice Their Breathing Patterns
Look at Their Fingers
Check Where They’re Leaning
Watch Their Eyes
Monitor Their Movements
Notice the Nuances of Their Smile
Look at Their Feet
Take in the Whole Picture
Chapter 18: Ten Ways to Demonstrate Confidence
Claim Your Space
Act Decisively
Be Consistent
Acknowledge Mistakes
Persevere
Model Excellence
Demonstrate Comfort
Speak Clearly, Concisely, and with Cadence
Practice Public Speaking
Act “As If”
Chapter 19: Ten Ways to Improve Your Nonverbal Communication
Take an Interest
Know What You Want to Express
Model Excellence
Mirror Others
Practice Gestures
Develop Timing and Synchronization
Dress the Part
Act How You Want to Be Perceived
Demonstrate Awareness
Ask for Feedback
Index
About the Author
Advertisement Page
Connect with Dummies
End User License Agreement
List of Tables
Chapter 10
TABLE 10-1: Masculine and Feminine Walks
List of Illustrations
Chapter 1
FIGURE 1-1: Hands over the eyes, ears, and mouth signal that you should not see...
FIGURE 1-2: The thumbs up/down gesture supports your verbal message of somethin...
FIGURE 1-3: With her peace sign fingers, tilted head, stuck-out tongue, and the...
FIGURE 1-4: Universal signs of shock and fear include wide-opened eyes and mout...
FIGURE 1-5: Signs of rapport between these two men include eye contact, smiling...
Chapter 2
FIGURE 2-1: This emblematic gesture signifies peace.
FIGURE 2-2: These hands illustrate the difference in size between two items.
FIGURE 2-3: This man is demonstrating affect and regulator displays. Putting hi...
FIGURE 2-4: An inborn response is a natural reaction to a situation requiring n...
FIGURE 2-5: Winking is a trained action that connotes connection, compatibility...
FIGURE 2-6: Lowering your body is a sign of submission and demonstrates respect...
Chapter 3
FIGURE 3-1: By lifting the back of her head while holding her chin parallel to ...
FIGURE 3-2: Thrusting your chin forward, tilting your head back, and looking do...
FIGURE 3-3: The forward thrust of these two people’s heads, finger-pointing, an...
FIGURE 3-4: This woman’s icy stare, pursed lips, and lowered chin indicate her ...
FIGURE 3-5: The catapult position makes this man look self-confident.
FIGURE 3-6: The sideways head tilt conveys interest and a friendly attitude.
FIGURE 3-7: Holding your head is a natural response to stress.
Chapter 4
FIGURE 4-1: The tilted heads, eye contact, smiles, and close, open body positio...
FIGURE 4-2: Her tight lips, arm crossed over her body, and raised hand indicate...
FIGURE 4-3: The reward smile is the most intuitive smile and encourages people ...
FIGURE 4-4: The affiliative smile can project tolerance, acknowledgment, and a ...
FIGURE 4-5: This woman’s slack jaw and lifeless look in her eyes reveal her sad...
FIGURE 4-6: The pulled-up nose, squinted eyes, raised upper lip, and dropped ja...
FIGURE 4-7: These youngsters’ faces are white with rage.
FIGURE 4-8: Signs of surprise include wide eyes, raised brows, and a slack jaw.
FIGURE 4-9: This child’s wide open mouth and eyes, curved eyebrows, and wrinkle...
Chapter 5
FIGURE 5-1: Under normal lighting conditions, enlarged pupils Indicate interest...
FIGURE 5-2: Maintaining eye contact is a way of showing interest in another per...
FIGURE 5-3: The come-hither look signals a sexual interest.
FIGURE 5-4: This man’s steely-eyed gaze communicates his resolve and dominance.
FIGURE 5-5: Looking away from someone can show contempt and dismissiveness.
FIGURE 5-6: Pointing your fingers to your eyes while staring at another person ...
FIGURE 5-7: This woman’s sideways glance indicates that something has caught he...
FIGURE 5-8: The eyebrow flash is a universal expression of recognition, surpris...
FIGURE 5-9: Eye movements indicate which channel is functioning.
Chapter 6
FIGURE 6-1: A combination of muscles in the lower two-thirds of the face contro...
FIGURE 6-2: Tighten your lips if you want to hold back information, including y...
FIGURE 6-3: This little girl’s petulant pout communicates her disple...
FIGURE 6-4: This woman’s pout conveys sexual interest.
FIGURE 6-5: This man’s pout lets you know that he’s thinking.
FIGURE 6-6: This man’s smile indicates he’s happy and contented.
FIGURE 6-7: While the polite smile is warm, it’s not welcoming.
FIGURE 6-8: The dominant smile can demonstrate signs of skepticism and contempt...
FIGURE 6-9: This drop-jaw smile indicates surprise and pleasure.
Chapter 7
FIGURE 7-1: This woman’s upright posture presents a positive image.
FIGURE 7-2: This man’s slumped posture indicates a negative state of mind such ...
FIGURE 7-3: What lies below the water line impacts what is visible above.
FIGURE 7-4: Whether you’re standing, sitting, or lying down, your posture impac...
FIGURE 7-5: The forward lean, closeness of the bodies, and expressions of pleas...
FIGURE 7-6: Sit forward in your seat, rest your arms on the table, and smile to...
FIGURE 7-7: Shrugging indicates doubt, confusion, uncertainty, and wonder.
Chapter 8
FIGURE 8-1: Her serious expression, tailored suit, and crossed arms indicate a ...
FIGURE 8-2: His crossed arms and thumbs-up position project confidence.
FIGURE 8-3: Open arms indicate an open attitude.
FIGURE 8-4: The act of touching is comforting.
FIGURE 8-5: The double-handed handshake displays power and status between equal...
Chapter 9
FIGURE 9-1: An open palm indicates trustworthiness, openness, and honesty.
FIGURE 9-2: The downward-facing palm projects strength and authority.
FIGURE 9-3: Pointing a finger at someone draws attention to that person and can...
FIGURE 9-4: A wave can be a sign of greeting and farewell and a way of gaining ...
FIGURE 9-5: A clenched fist can signal power, containment, excitement, and frus...
FIGURE 9-6: While in some countries, this rounded gesture is perceived as posit...
FIGURE 9-7: When you touch your fingertips in a steeple position, you demonstra...
FIGURE 9-8: You can see that the man on the left of the picture is in a powerfu...
FIGURE 9-9: You send out different messages depending on where and how you plac...
Chapter 10
FIGURE 10-1: Hands on hips and a wide stance project dominance and power.
FIGURE 10-2: The stance on the right conveys tentativeness, while the stance on...
FIGURE 10-3: This woman’s crossed arms and legs and buttoned-up uniform convey ...
FIGURE 10-4: Although the man on the right is smiling as he looks at his collea...
FIGURE 10-5: When walking, men lead with their upper body, with little hip move...
Chapter 11
FIGURE 11-1: Sucking on an object is a calming gesture and provides reassurance...
FIGURE 11-2: Peering over the top of your glasses is a sign of criticism or jud...
FIGURE 11-3: One is never too old to look cool and youthful.
FIGURE 11-4: Natural-looking makeup enhances a woman’s professional appearance.
FIGURE 11-5: Glamorous makeup enhances a woman’s sensuality which is inappropri...
FIGURE 11-6: Wearing simple, tailored clothes in an office environment creates ...
Chapter 12
FIGURE 12-1: By placing her left hand on the man’s shoulder, her hand on his de...
FIGURE 12-2: Spatial zones impact how people engage with one another.
FIGURE 12-3: By standing in the doorway and leaning against the frame with his ...
FIGURE 12-4: Standing agitatedly demonstrates dominance.
FIGURE 12-5: When people are in crowded conditions, they tend to ignore the peo...
FIGURE 12-6: A round table promotes discussion and collegiality.
FIGURE 12-7: High heels project more power and authority than flat shoes and sl...
Chapter 13
FIGURE 13-1: This couple’s similar behavior – eye contact, head tilts, and smil...
FIGURE 13-2: This woman is calling attention to her body, highlighting her attr...
FIGURE 13-3: This man’s well-toned body, open shirt, low-slung shorts, and pene...
FIGURE 13-4: Signs of flirtatious behavior include self-touching, neck exposure...
FIGURE 13-5: Entwined legs indicate a lithe body and highly toned muscles which...
FIGURE 13-6: Similar postures and facial expressions indicate this couple’s str...
Chapter 14
FIGURE 14-1: A firm handshake and a friendly smile contribute to making a posit...
FIGURE 14-2: Mirroring and matching each other’s behaviors help build a compati...
FIGURE 14-3: The 45-degree angle helps build a comfortable and collaborative re...
FIGURE 14-4: Serious conversations require a serious attitude, as demonstrated ...
FIGURE 14-5: This woman enlarges her presence by holding her arms away from her...
Chapter 15
FIGURE 15-1: Air kissing is a friendly way of greeting without becoming too fam...
FIGURE 15-2: Muslim men frequently embrace one another as a sign of greeting.
FIGURE 15-3: It is customary for Japanese business people to bow as a sign of g...
FIGURE 15-4: The deeper the bow or lower the curtsy, the more deference is bein...
FIGURE 15-5: In some countries, the thumbs-up gesture is positive, while in oth...
FIGURE 15-6: Niqab, Burqa, Chador, and Hijab.
Chapter 16
FIGURE 16-1: Sound travels upward through your body cavities. To make the most ...
FIGURE 16-2: Direct eye contact, exaggerated facial expressions, and clear gest...
FIGURE 16-3: The fist bump is a gesture between equals and conveys approval and...
FIGURE 16-4: The elbow bump is a way to avoid the spread of germs.
FIGURE 16-5: Hands held with palms pressed together and fingertips pointing upw...
FIGURE 16-6: By placing both her hands on her heart, this woman is demonstratin...
FIGURE 16-7: A small sampling of the thousands of emojis designed to express th...
Guide
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Table of Contents
Begin Reading
Index
About the Author
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Introduction
You don’t have to be a professional performer for your body to communicate your emotions, thoughts, and intentions. Nor do you have to be a mind-reader to fathom the people you interact with. What you need is an awareness of nonverbal behavior – including voice and body language – and how it impacts communication. Some movements and expressions are subtle; some are obvious. Some are designed to reveal; others seek to hide. All body movements and facial expressions tell a story. You just need to know what to look for to understand the tale.
Body language speaks the truth. While the spoken word conveys facts, data, and sometimes fake news – your body’s movements, gestures, and facial expressions never lie. No matter what words come out of your mouth – “I love you,” “I’m disappointed,” “I’m fine” – if your body isn’t reflecting what you’re saying, your listeners become confused and believe what they see and sense rather than the words you say.
Your body relays messages about your attitude, intentions, and general state of being. Although there are times when you can’t control your body’s movements or just haven’t a clue what your hands, feet, lips, and eyes are doing, all is not lost. With awareness and practice, you can determine which messages you relay through your gestures, postures, and expressions.
Although body language served as the means of communication long before today’s spoken word, only in the last 150 years or so has nonverbal behavior – including vocal sounds as well as physical gestures, movements, and expressions – been seriously studied. During that time, people have come to appreciate the value of body language as a tool for understanding and enhancing interpersonal communication. Politicians, actors, celebrities, and other high-profile individuals recognize the vital part that their bodies play in conveying their messages.
Each chapter of this book addresses a specific aspect of body language. In addition to focusing on individual body parts and their role in communicating your thoughts, feelings, and intentions, you discover how to interpret other people’s physical movements, including their gestures and facial expressions, giving you an insight into their mental state before they may be aware of it themselves. You see how performing specific actions and gestures creates the corresponding mental states within yourself and others. You find out how others perceive you and how you perceive them based on nonverbal behaviors. Approach body language respectfully and responsibly, and base your judgments on the clusters of movements you observe and the context in which you see them. Just as one word can’t tell an entire story, nor can one gesture. By aligning your movements with your words, you experience the powerful impact of body language and the clear messages you can convey.
About This Book
For a subject that’s relatively new to the study of evolution and social behavior, you can find a sizeable amount of research on body language. As businesses go global, international travel is more accessible, and meetings are regularly held online, people are acknowledging the impact of technology, culture, gender, and religious customs on body language as a way of communicating. While I’ve written the fourth edition of Body Language For Dummies from a mostly English-speaking Western perspective, Chapter 15 has been expanded to include body language in different cultures – what’s acceptable and what could cause offense. Because of the vastness of the subject, I’ve been selective about what I’ve included and focused on using body language to enhance your relationships.
In this book, I explain how to distinguish and identify specific gestures, actions, and expressions that both confirm and negate the spoken message. By improving your reading of body language, understanding how body movements convey meaning, and recognizing how gestures and expressions reflect thoughts and emotions, you have the upper hand in your interpersonal communications. Through physical signals, you can direct the flow of conversation and facilitate meetings, discussions, and everyday conversations easily and effectively. I will also show you how thoughts and feelings influence gestures and expressions – yours and others.
The point of this book is for you to become conscious of the power of body language. To this end, I provide you with the means of identifying and interpreting nonverbal behavior and offer tips for sending signs and signals to enable clear and congruent communication.
Conventions Used in This Book
To help you navigate through this book, I use the following conventions:
Italic
is used to emphasize and highlight new words or defined terms.
Boldfaced
text indicates keywords in bulleted lists or the action part of numbered steps.
Monofont is used for web addresses.
Sidebars, which look like text enclosed in a shaded gray box, consist of information that’s interesting to know but not necessarily critical to your understanding of the chapter or section topic.
Foolish Assumptions
I assume, perhaps wrongly, that you
Are interested in body language and know a little bit about the subject
Want to improve your interpersonal communication
Are willing to reflect and respond
Expect the best of yourself and others
How This Book Is Organized
Throughout this book, you explore and interpret facial expressions, gestures, breathing patterns, and postures, gaining insights into the meanings behind your body language and that of others. You pick up tips for developing and enhancing your relationships with different types of individuals through your nonverbal behavior. In addition, you discover signs that reveal what you might prefer to conceal, as well as signals that expose what you’re happy to share. Finally, with exercises to practice and artwork to illustrate the diverse assortment of body language examples, your arsenal is stocked, and you’re set to go!
Part 1: Getting Started with Body Language
Bodies always communicate. They always have. They always will. Consciously or not, people project their moods and attitudes through their posture, breathing patterns, facial expressions, and gestures. Body language creates powerful and lasting impressions.
This book’s journey into the land of body language begins in Part 1 with historical and scientific data that supports anecdotal evidence. It offers the fundamental components of nonverbal behavior, gives examples of the impressions that specific expressions and movements project, and provides you with a firm foundation for coming to grips with body language.
Part 2: Starting at the Top
If you want to discover how tilting heads, raised eyebrows, scrunched cheeks, and puckered lips convey unspoken messages, this is the place for you. Here, you look at the many meanings divulged by head positions, lips, and eyes, such as lust and love; desire and despair; anger, arrogance, and assertiveness; pride and contempt; power and authority; and submission and superiority. You come to appreciate that as long as your facial muscles are in good working order, there’s not a lot of emotion that you can’t express.
Part 3: Letting the Limbs Do the Talking
Your posture (sitting, standing, or lying down), arm positions (open or closed), hands (clenched, fiddling, or folded in your lap), and legs and feet (held closely together or wide apart) all reveal and influence your attitude as well as the attitudes other individuals form about you. This part shows you how to welcome some people into your space and shut others out. As a bonus, you pick up tips for using accessories to increase your appeal and reveal the inner workings of your mind.
Part 4: Putting the Body into Social and Business Context
Whether you relish or abhor the company of friends, family, clients, colleagues, or strangers, engaging with people from similar and different socioeconomic backgrounds is a part of modern life. Interacting with individuals other than those with whom you relate and feel comfortable is nonnegotiable when living in a world where teamwork and good social karma are the gateways to success. This part considers the impact that space and seating arrangements have on relationships and perceived status. For those of you looking for tips on how to score at a soiree, interview for your dream job, influence someone whose worldview is different from yours, and communicate clearly in virtual settings, you can find them here.
Part 5: The Part of Tens
If your idea of a good read is to flip through easily accessible information, come on down! Demonstrating confidence, reading nonverbal messages, and building on your existing strengths – yes, you do have some – are here. If you want a quick tutorial on how to decipher gestures and facial expressions, turn to Chapter 17. If demonstrating confidence is more up your alley, look at Chapter 18. If you think developing your self-awareness and improving your interpersonal communication could be interesting, Chapter 19 is the one for you.
Icons Used in This Book
For sharpening your thinking and focusing your attention, let these icons be your guide:
This icon highlights stories to entertain and inform you about people I know or people I’ve observed and the signals they’ve sent through their body language.
Here’s a chance for you to stand back and observe without being seen. By distancing yourself and taking a bird’s-eye view, you can see how others behave and then reflect on the outcome.
This icon underscores a valuable point to keep in mind.
These are practical and immediate remedies for becoming a skilled and confident body language practitioner.
Here, you can have a go at putting theory into practice. Some practical exercises are designed to enhance your nonverbal communication, while others aim to help you understand the meaning behind what others are saying.
This icon highlights potentially awkward situations to avoid.
This is information that you may find interesting.
Beyond the Book
Find out more about body language by checking out the bonus content at www.dummies.com.
You can locate the book’s Cheat Sheet at https://www.dummies.com/article/body-mind-spirit/emotional-health-psychology/psychology/social/body-language-for-dummies-cheat-sheet-207509/, where you’ll find handy hints and tips.
Where to Go from Here
Although all the material in this book is designed to support you in being yourself at your best, not all the information may be pertinent to your specific needs or interests. Read what you want, when you want. You don’t have to read the book in any specific order, nor is there a sell-by date for covering the material.
If you’re interested in how body language conveys messages, begin with Part 1. If you’re seeking to improve your body language for a job interview or for playing politics in the professional world, have a look at Chapter 14. If you’re curious about facial expressions, turn to Chapter 4. And if you want to know how to behave appropriately in cultures and countries different from your own, go to Chapter 15.
Now turn to a page, chapter, or section that interests you and begin reading. I hope you take away something useful and have fun in the process.
Part 1
Getting Started with Body Language
IN THIS PART …
Get the skinny on body language.
Learn how your body outs your feelings.
Chapter 1
Exploring the Fundamentals of Body Language
IN THIS CHAPTER
Seeing how body language speaks
Gesturing for a purpose
Understanding what your body’s saying
In the big scheme of things, the scientific study of body language is a fairly recent phenomenon, with documented research covering only the last 150 years or so. To understand the thoughts and emotions behind human behavior, psychologists, zoologists, and social anthropologists have conducted detailed investigations into the use and components of body language – part of the larger family known as nonverbal behavior.
When you take the time to focus on physical movements and facial expressions, you can identify and interpret unspoken thoughts, feelings, and intentions that you or someone else may not have realized you or they were communicating. Like it or not, nonverbal behaviors reveal more about a person than you or they may want to expose.
You can detect someone’s inner state by carefully observing their physical movements. Are they despondent or in turmoil, or are they feeling cool, calm, and collected? They both consciously and unconsciously reveal their beliefs, plans, and emotions by licking their lips, baring their teeth, flicking their hair, and other recognizable gestures. In this chapter, you discover how to recognize and interpret nonverbal behaviors that reveal moods, ideas, and intentions. You also quickly dip into some of the research about nonverbal behavior and glance at this silent language’s similarities and differences across the globe. As a bonus, you find out how you can use gestures to enhance your relationships and improve your communications.
Discovering How Body Language Conveys Messages
Before speaking in words, sentences, and paragraphs, people relied on their bodies and the occasional grunt to communicate their thoughts, feelings, and intentions. Except for the evolution of spoken language, not much has changed.
The spoken word is a relatively new form of communication. Its purpose is to persuade, influence, and convey information including facts and data. On the other hand, body language has been around since the dawn of the dinosaur. You don’t have to be taught how to persuade and influence others through the use of physical movements, gestures, and facial expressions. You’re born that way.
According to frequently quoted research conducted by Professor Emeritus Albert Mehrabian at the University of California, Los Angeles, 55 percent of the message in face-to-face communication is relayed through body language and 38 percent through vocal signals when the message contains emotional content. Experience any of the following examples of body language to appreciate the saying, “Actions speak louder than words”:
Someone raising their fist to you
A warm embrace
A finger wagging in your face
A child’s pout
A parent’s frown
An exuberant smile
Your hand placed over your heart
Creating an impression within moments
You can create any impression you want within moments through your facial expressions, movements, and gestures. Actors, celebrities, and people famous for being famous recognize the impact of a well-timed smile, a swing of the shoulder, a swagger in the step, or the wiggle of a hip. Politicians, police, newscasters, service personnel, and industry leaders are schooled in creating an impression within moments. While some people recognize the value of creating a positive impression, not everyone does.
Judy and Edith work for the same company. Judy creates an impression of an attractive, fun, smart, and caring person. Her eyes twinkle, she’s interested in others, and her movements are open and free. Edith creates a different impression. She shuffles, slouches, and seldom smiles. She fidgets when she speaks and struggles to look people in the eye. While she is good at her job, the impression she creates is dull, listless, and dismal. Edith doesn’t recognize the importance of creating a positive physical impression, which is one of the reasons she remains unseen in the back office while Judy takes clients out to dinner.
An astute observer doesn’t have to ask how you’re feeling. All they have to do is to take in your posture, facial expressions, gestures, breathing rate, and pace of movement to identify your internal state. Signs that indicate positive feelings include
Upright posture
Free and open gestures
Eye contact
Smiling
Some signs of negative feelings include
Slouching
Tense and closed gestures
Little eye contact
Frowning
Within less than 20 seconds of seeing you, a person can tell how you feel by your facial expressions and body movements. Depending on the impression you want to create, you can adopt the appropriate behaviors.
EARLY OBSERVATIONS ABOUT BODY LANGUAGE
Before the 20th century, only a few forays were made into identifying and analyzing movement and gesture. The first known work exclusively addressing body language is John Bulwer’s Chirologia: or the Natural Language of the Hand, published in 1644. By the 19th century, directors and teachers of drama and pantomime were instructing their actors and students on how to convey emotion and attitude through movement and gesture.
In The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (1872), Charles Darwin explores the connection between humans, apes, and monkeys. These species use similar facial expressions inherited from a common ancestor to express specific emotions. Out of Darwin’s work grew an interest in ethology – the study of animal behavior.
In the late 1960s, Desmond Morris created a sensation when his interpretations of human behavior, based on ethological research, were published in The Naked Ape and Manwatching. Further publications and media presentations continue to reveal how much our nonverbal behavior is based on our animal nature.
Humans share similar expressions and gestures with their primate cousins.
Kertu/Adobe Stock
Transmitting messages unconsciously
In addition to your gestures and facial expressions conveying intended messages, your body often sends out signals without your control or knowledge. For example, dilated or contracted pupils or the unconscious movements of your hands and feet indicate an inner emotion you might prefer to conceal.
While body language speaks volumes, be careful when ascribing feelings and attitudes based solely on what you see. Body language can be ambiguous, and individual signals can be misidentified if they’re taken out of context. Look for clusters of gestures and expressions involving several body parts. Also observe breathing patterns to gauge someone’s internal state. For more about how your breathing patterns influence how you behave, look at Communication Skills For Dummies by Elizabeth Kuhnke (Wiley).
In the 1970s, Paul Ekman and Wallace V. Friesen developed the Facial Action Coding System (FACS) to measure, describe, and interpret facial behaviors. This instrument is designed to gauge minute facial muscle contractions and determine which action fits into which category or categories of expression. It detects what the naked eye can’t see and is used by the police, film animators, and human behavior researchers.
As referred to earlier in this section, research demonstrates that when people are discussing feelings and emotions in a face-to-face setting and incongruity exists between the spoken words and how they’re delivered, people believe what they observe – such as your body language and vocal quality – more than what you say. In other words, your nonverbal behaviors are directly tied to your feelings, regardless of whether you’re cognizant of the connection.
Substituting gestures for the spoken word
Sometimes a gesture is more effective in conveying a message than any words you can imagine. Signals expressing love and support, pleasure and pain, fear and surprise, and loathing and disappointment are clear to decipher and require few – if any – words for clarification. Approval, complicity, or insults are commonly communicated without a sound passing between lips. Whether you frown, smile, or sneer, your message is plain.
You can gesture to convey your meaning when words aren’t enough or the word mustn’t be spoken out loud (see Figure 1-1). For example
Placing your index finger in front of your mouth while at the same time pursing your lips is a common signal for invoking silence
Bending your elbow and raising your hand with your fingers upright and your palm facing forward means “Stop!”
Winking at another person hints that you two share a little secret
Minerva Studio/Adobe Stock
FIGURE 1-1: Hands over the eyes, ears, and mouth signal that you should not see, hear, or say anything evil.
Nick and Holly were involved in a tough business negotiation. During the meeting, Nick started to give away too much information. Holly calmly placed her index finger over her lips while resting her chin on her thumb. This sign told Nick to listen more and talk less.
Gesturing to illustrate what you’re saying
When you describe an object, you frequently use gestures to illustrate what the object is like. Your listener finds it easier to understand what you’re saying when your body creates a picture of the object rather than relying on your words alone. If you’re describing a round object, you may hold your hands in front of you with your fingers arched upward and your thumbs pointing down. When describing a square building, you may draw vertical and horizontal lines with a flat hand, cutting through the space like a knife. If you’re telling someone about a turbulent ride on a boat or plane, your arms and hands may beat up and down in a rhythmic fashion. You may hold your arms out wide when describing a large object and hold your fingers close together when you’re illustrating a small point. The point is that gesturing is a practical way to convey visual information.
Because some people are more comfortable processing information through the visual channel, illustrate your messages through gestures to create a clear picture. If you want to help a blind person experience what you’re describing, hold their hands in the appropriate position
Too many gestures can overwhelm your listener. In some cultures, large and frequent gestures are frowned upon while in other cultures, gesturing is part of life. For more about gesturing in foreign lands, turn to Chapter 15.
Lotsie is an intrepid explorer who frequently speaks to students and other serious travelers about her adventures. As she describes her climb to Mount Everest base camp, she acts out those moments when the air is so thin that she struggles to breathe or to put one foot in front of the other. She mimes leaning on her walking stick, bending over with the weight of her equipment, gasping for air, and pausing between shuffled steps as she puts one foot in front of the other. Through her use of gestures, posture, and facial expressions, her audiences experience her pain and determination.
Physically supporting the spoken word
Gesturing adds emphasis to your voice, clarifies your meaning, and gives impact, to your message. Whether you’re sending signals of interest – such as wide-opened eyes, a tilt of the head, and a smile – or signs of disgust – curling your upper lip, wrinkling your nose, and turning away - your body movements reflect your feelings and help your listener understand your meaning.
Maria and her husband, Eric, had a bit of a spat in the car on their way to see her parents. As they walked toward the front door, Eric reached out to hold Maria’s hand. Maria growled under her breath, “Don’t touch me!” and swatted her husband’s hand away. Watching from the living room window, Maria’s father turned to his wife, saying, “Uh-oh. Seems there’s trouble in Paradise.” Although he hadn’t heard the words spoken, the supporting action told him all he needed to know.
People in positions of power, like parents and politicians, rely on specific signals to reinforce their messages. A favorite of the well-schooled politician standing at the podium is a precise, controlled chopping gesture because the action conveys strength and conviction. A fed-up father might use a similar gesture when he’s telling his son – for the umpteenth time – to tidy his room.
When you’re making a formal presentation or in everyday life, include illustrative gestures to help your listener remember the points you’re making such as the thumbs up / thumbs down gesture shown in Figure 1-2.
James Steidl/Adobe Stock
FIGURE 1-2: The thumbs up/down gesture supports your verbal message of something being good or bad.
If you are called upon to present at an event, establish the points you intend to cover by listing them separately on your fingers during your introduction. You may hold the fingers on one hand up in front of you or touch them individually with a finger from your other hand as you list your topics. When talking about point one in your presentation, point to the first finger or gesture to it; when you reach point two, point or gesture to your second finger, and so on. This simple technique helps both you and your listener follow your details and stay on track.
Many British and American people begin counting with their index fingers. Many Europeans begin counting with their thumbs. See Chapter 15 for more on cultural differences in body language.
Instagramers, TikTokers, and all who take their public persona seriously emphasize their messages through considered movements, gestures, and facial expressions. By carefully timing, focusing, and controlling their actions, they court their followers through well-devised facial expressions and poses intended to enhance their brands and increase their influence. Some pout, frown, or produce wide-toothed grins, matching their body language to their messages. Their poses become their signature gestures. (Signature gestures are discussed later in this chapter.)
When you’re giving bad news and want to soften the blow, adapt your body language to demonstrate rapport. Move close to the person you’re comforting and tilt your body toward them. You may even touch them on the hand or arm or place your arm around their shoulder if they don’t object. You can learn more about the benefits of building rapport later in this chapter.
Never– as in never – touch someone without their permission. Even if every inch of your body wants to put a comforting arm around their shoulder or a supportive pat on their back, confirm that the other person’s good with that. What you might interpret as an innocent gesture, someone else might take as invasive.
Revealing feelings, attitudes, and beliefs
You don’t have to tell people how you feel for them to know. Look at someone deep in thought. As they lean forward, look downward, wrinkle their forehead in contemplation while resting their chin on their hand, they could be the model for Rodin’s sculpture, The Thinker.
You can spot a frustrated person by their stomping feet, clenched fists, forward-thrusting lips and jaw, and forehead frown. If someone feels deep joy or sorrow, don’t be surprised if you see them place their hand over their heart.
The more intense the feeling, the more intense the body language.
Rosie is a first-time grandmother. The love and pride she feels for her grandson is apparent when she speaks of him. The muscles around her outer eyes pull up, her pupils enlarge, her lips lift at the corners, and she holds her hands over her heart. Similarly, when Rosie speaks of her late father, she often places her right hand over her heart, unconsciously signaling her love for him.
Your movements and expressions tell your tale whether you’re anxious, excited, happy, or sad. Here are some examples:
When people feel threatened, insecure, or in need of some relief, they tend to touch their bodies as a means of self-comfort. Gestures such as stroking their foreheads, crossing their arms, licking their lips, or rubbing their fingers around their mouth, chest, or abdomen provide reassurance and protection.
People in a state of elation inhale deeply and gesture outward with expanded arms. Pictures of winning sportspeople frequently show them with their arms extended, heads thrown back, and mouths and eyes opened in ecstasy.
Footballers who miss the penalty kick and city traders who get their numbers wrong often walk dejectedly with their heads down and hands clasped behind their necks. This hand position is comforting, and the head facing downward shows the individual’s despair. In
Chapter 3
, you can learn more about this gesture, called cradling.
People who are despondent or down and depressed reveal their feelings by the slouch in their step, drooping heads, limp lips, and downward-cast eyes. Positive people, on the other hand, reveal their feelings with an upright stance, a bounce in their step, lifted lips, and eyes that twinkle with liveliness and engagement.
Sometimes, people suffering from depression don’t show obvious symptoms. They may be functioning with a smile, while internally, they are screaming out in pain. You can find out more about depression and the signs to look for in Depression For Dummies by Charles H. Elliott (Wiley).
NOTICING YOUR OWN BODY LANGUAGE
My husband suggested that people may only demonstrate body language when someone else is around to see and respond to it. I found that to be an interesting thought and retired to my office to consider the implications of my own postures and gestures. As I sat at my desk reflecting on what he said, I noticed that I was leaning back in my chair with my head tilted upward, one arm folded over my body, supporting the elbow of my other arm. My chin was resting lightly on my thumb as my index finger gently stroked my cheek. I couldn’t help but think of this question: “Do falling trees in the forest make a noise if no one’s around to hear?”
Not every bent head signals depression. Sometimes, it just means you’re reflecting, thinking, or absorbing information. For example, when you think hard, you may rest your head in your hand or on your fingertips (unless you’re pacing the room as you consider your options). In this case, you still might rest your chin on your thumb as you stroke your cheeks and lips with your index finger.
Examining Key Types of Gestures
Humans can create a wide variety of gestures and expressions using everything from the tops of their heads to the tips of their toes. Gestures can show intention, such as leaning forward just before rising out of a chair, and no intention, such as crossing arms and legs indicating that you’re not budging.
Signature gestures
Signature gestures are acts you perform and by which you are identified. You provide clues about your personality through these gestures. They set you apart from others and draw their attention to you. Examples of signature gestures include
The sign of the cross
The peace sign (See
Figure 1-3
)
Thumbs-up/thumbs-down
Air quotes
Sticking out your tongue
Patting your eyebrows
Winking
Pointing to your eyes
Coetzee/peopleimages.com/Adobe Stock
FIGURE 1-3: With her peace sign fingers, tilted head, stuck-out tongue, and the wink of an eye, this little girl has created her signature gesture.
The following are some real-world examples of signature gestures:
Red carpet sweetheart Shailene Woodley understands the value of having a gesture to add to her brand. One of the originators of the sassy hand on the hip celebrity photo pose, she replaced that now ubiquitous gesture with a double-handed Hang Ten pose, also described as Cowabunga Hands. Extend your thumb and little finger on each hand while folding your middle fingers into your palms, and bingo – you look like a rock star.
You could also tap into your inner Miley Cyrus and adopt her once-upon-a-time go-to signature pose, the Querk, in which you turn your head, look at your audience, bend over, stick out your tongue, and jut out your bottom.
After a big win on the court, Andy Murray, former British number-one tennis player, points both index fingers skyward and makes a little head nod as if he’s communicating with someone above.
When the Seattle Mariners’ former closing pitcher Fernando Rodney would save a game, he’d point to the sky as if shooting an arrow, in a movement similar to Usain Bolt’s “To Di World” gesture (see the nearby sidebar for details).
The late Diana, Princess of Wales, most vividly remembered signature gesture was her lowered head with eyes looking upward from beneath her lashes and brows. This look was so closely identified with the princess that it’s become known as the “Shy Di” look.
Former German chancellor Angela Merkel adopted a posture synonymous with strong leadership and a safe pair of hands. The pose is referred to as “The Triangle of Power,” or as they say in Germany, the “Merkel-Raute.” See
Chapter 15
for more cultural quirks.
To adopt The Triangle of Power Pose, put your hands in front of your waist, fingertips touching and thumbs pointed upward while your fingers point outward horizontally. Experiment with different amounts of pressure applied to your fingers. Feel your inner power rise.
While gestures tend to be universal, performed, and interpreted the same way across the globe, some gestures are specific to their culture, and you can cause offense if you’re unaware of what does and doesn’t work where. See Chapter 15 for more about body language in different environments.
Unintentional gestures
Unintentional gestures are types of body language that inhibit your ability to act. They hold you back from speaking and make it hard for your body to budge. As opposed to intentional gestures – those movements you specifically choose to support your spoken message – unintentional gestures usually surface without conscious thought.
Examples of unintentional gestures include
Folded arms
Compressed lips
A hand or finger in front of the mouth
Crossed legs
CELEBRATING VICTORY WITH A LIGHTNING BOLT
Way back in 2008 when the Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt took home the gold at the Beijing Olympics, he adopted a pose that’s become synonymous with the star athlete and brand spokesperson. The gesture Bolt calls “To Di World” is now colloquially called “bolting.” To adopt this pose, spread your feet, lean backward, cock your right arm while you extend your left one forward, and point both index fingers toward the sky. Although then-International Olympic Committee boss Jacques Rogge branded it as “disrespectful and showboating,” Bolt continues to celebrate his victories with this gesture and incorporated the pose into his Puma sponsorship campaign and a commercial promoting tourism in his homeland.
When your arms are folded, you can’t strike out. When your lips are sealed, your thoughts remain silent. When your legs are crossed, you can’t run away. These gestures prevent you from moving and speaking, which may not be such a bad thing.
Women posing on the red carpet frequently adopt the scissor stance, an example of a gesture that holds them in place with no sign of impatience. As they cross one leg in front of the other, they render themselves immobile and make themselves look smaller by taking up less space than if their legs were wide apart. They thrust their breasts and bottom outward, place a saucy hand on their hips, and – ta-dah! – they become a sexual fantasy for a brief moment in time.
People who claim their space and move with purpose, whatever pose they adopt, are perceived as more dominant than those who are constrained and hesitant in their gestures and movements.
Toby is a quiet, task-orientated, and focused man. His boss, Liz, is highly energetic with a mind that skips and leaps from one project to the next. Frequently, Liz asks Toby to do one task, only to interrupt his concentration by asking him to do something else. When Toby pats his eyebrows with the tips of his fingers, Liz recognizes his signature gesture of impatience and frustration and quickly backs off, letting him get on with what he must do.
You can create your signature gesture if you want to be easily identified and remembered. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s signature gesture is the lifted eyebrow, Elizabeth Olsen’s is the nose scrunch, and you can always count on seeing Leonardo de Caprio raising his arm while holding a glass.
Micro-gestures
So small that they often require highly specialized equipment to see them, micro-gestures flicker and flash across your face faster than a speeding bullet. Unfortunately, you’re at the mercy of your micro-expressions as you don’t choose them, and they reveal a lot about how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking.
A list of the more common micro-gestures includes
Movement around the mouth
Tension at the eyes
Flaring of the nostrils
Erik, one of my clients, is the newly appointed CEO of a global corporation. In his position, he’s used to being the center of attention. Erik recently entered a room where I was speaking with one of his colleagues whom I’d not met before. Erik winked and smiled as he asked if we were talking about him. Although he robustly said, “Good. I’m glad,” when I told him we weren’t, I noticed a momentary flicker of surprise cross his face. (Turn to Chapter 5 for more about spotting when someone’s surprised.)
Displacement gestures
Displacement gestures are gestures that serve to shift some energy. People feeling stressed might run their fingers through their hair, shake their fingers, or bounce their legs.
When you experience conflicting emotions, you may engage in self-directed gestures that release nervous energy and provide temporary comfort. Drumming fingers, flicking feet, and fetching yourself a glass of water when you’re not even thirsty are the behaviors of someone who’s looking to refocus or vent some pent-up energy. Called displacement gestures or activities, they’re a conduit for excess energy that’s looking for somewhere to go.
Some examples of displacement gestures are
Fiddling with objects
Tugging at your earlobe
Straightening your clothes
Stroking your chin
Running your fingers through your hair
Eating
Smoking
Betty knew the time had come to stop smoking when she had three cigarettes on the go in a four-room apartment. She was working in New York, living on her own, making barely enough to pay her monthly bills, and wondering what life challenges were coming next. She was frustrated and anxious. One morning while she was making coffee in the kitchen, she lit a cigarette. When the phone rang, she answered it in the living room, leaving the cigarette burning in the kitchen. While speaking on the phone to her soon-to-be ex-husband, she lit another cigarette, which, after a drag or two, she stubbed out in the ashtray on her desk. She went to the bathroom to get ready for work. She also lit a cigarette there, occasionally puffing on it as she applied her makeup. In under ten minutes, she had lit three cigarettes, none of which she was interested in smoking and all of which were props for displacing nervous anxiety. Rather than verbalizing her feelings, she let her actions do the talking. FYI – Betty no longer smokes.
