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- Herausgeber: Liberties Press
- Kategorie: Ratgeber
- Sprache: Englisch
Do you want to look and feel amazing during and after pregnancy? Are you worried about getting your figure back? Scared of stretch marks? During her own pregnancy, qualified psychologist and international media personality Donna Kennedy developed a plan to stay in shape, healthy and beautiful. It worked for Donna, and now she wants it to work for you. In Born to Be Beautiful, she shares all the details of her pregnancy plan, explaining how you can have a healthy baby while maintaining the body you want. Donna focuses on positive thinking, exercise, nutrition and style. Born to Be Beautiful includes self-assessment tools, goal templates, healthy recipes and much more. Pregnancy is undoubtedly a stressful time, but this book gives you the power to navigate the path to motherhood without sacrificing your self-confidence.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2015
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Born to Be Beautiful
Donna Kennedy
Contents
Acknowledgments
I want to thank: my mother and father, Maureen and Padraig Kennedy, for being my pillars of strength throughout my life; my soulmate, Pat Slattery, who gave me the gift of our beautiful baby boy, and who brings a smile to my face every day; Ashton, for lighting up my life in every way; Chris, Keith and Jason Slattery for being loving brothers; Joan Slattery for being such a lovely grandmother; my family and Pat’s family, for being so loving; Raymund King and Daniela Cuellar for their invaluable advice and kindness; and Isabel Rodriguez Valerón and Idaira Villalba Reyes, for being so supportive to my baby’s development.
I also want to thank the professionals who took such good care of me throughout my pregnancy at Limerick Maternity Hospital, particularly: Professor Cotter, Suzie Coombs, Helen Madigan, Laura Whelan, Joanne Moylan, Joanne Teehan, Joanna Desmond, Angela O’Farrell, Mary, Murphy, Linda Molloy, Mary McCoy, Fionnuala Ryan, Maria Gibbons, Maeve Mortell, Carmel Higgins and Angela Culligan.
Finally, I want to make sure to thank: Dr Deirdre Collins, for being there throughout my life; Caroline McDonagh, Isabel Corral, Audrey McMahon, Lorraine McMorrow, Raphael and Pat Mullally, John Flynn and Ger Sheahan for all their support and kindness; Sabine La Fotógrafa Pelirroja and Chris Ernst for the cover photo and design; Una Williams for photography; all the people who have attended my seminars and completed my workshops; and Seán O’Keeffe and his fantastic team at Liberties Press.
Introduction
How is it that books on pregnancy always focus on the baby, not the mother, when common sense might tell us that the mother’s well-being and happiness are fundamental to her baby’s well-being and happiness? It’s as if, when the pregnancy is confirmed, mommy fades away. That is not okay. In fact, if you ask me it’s just plain crazy.
Think about it. You are the lifeline to your baby. Without you, there is nothing. It is essential, therefore, that you love and care for yourself – during and after pregnancy! Through the course of this book, you will learn to do just that! In fact, you will learn how you can look and feel amazing every day of your life. Remember this, happy mommy, happy baby.
‘Having a baby is one of the most exciting, magical things that will ever happen to you.’ If only I had a cent for every time I was told that when I became pregnant! But it’s true: having a baby is one of the best things you will ever experience. I cannot even come close to describing how it felt to experience my baby kicking for the first time or to see him gazing up at me when he was born. It was beyond incredible.
Now, had that been the only thing people said to me when I became pregnant I would have been quite happy. But it seems that when an opportunity arises, some people aren’t able to resist the temptation to tell you all the horror stories, especially their own. If your pregnancy is anything like mine, you will be led to believe that pregnancy, although a beautiful experience, will result in you losing your identity, having less self-confidence and becoming overweight. No sooner had my pregnancy been confirmed than the comments started coming: ‘You can say goodbye to life as you know it.’ ‘Having a baby takes away your independence.’ ‘You can forget wearing those jeans again.’ ‘Enjoy that flat tummy while it lasts!’
I must be honest with you: although I was so happy to be pregnant and to know my baby was getting bigger and stronger inside me, constantly hearing such things from women who had already become mothers made me nervous about what could very easily be the new me. After all, they had been through the experience, so who was I to contradict them? Maybe I was just supposed to accept that I would end up as the woman they were describing.
I had visions of feeling trapped and upset at having to put my life on hold, disappointed that I couldn’t do the things I loved anymore. I saw myself getting loads of stretch marks and ballooning like the blueberry girl, Violet Beauregarde, from Willy Wonka and the ChocolateFactory, skin stretching to the point of explosion, and then struggling to get my figure back after I had my baby. I could see myself going from a confident woman to a self-doubting one.
I didn’t like it one bit. I liked my life, I liked my independence, I liked my jeans and I liked my tummy. I didn’t want a transformation! However, I didn’t want to look overambitious at the end of my pregnancy either, deluded into thinking I could be anything but what they were describing, especially since they were all saying pretty much the same thing.
Many women believe they will inevitably have to experience certain things as a result of having a baby, and so they just accept it. They accept that they will no longer feel confident about themselves or their bodies, and they accept that pregnancy will leave them physically scarred for life. Isn’t it lucky for you and me that I don’t believe our destiny is set in stone!
You see, my pregnancy was planned months before I became pregnant, so I had the opportunity to research pregnancy and mommy issues in advance of giving birth. I was determined to defy my apparent fate and look and feel exactly as I wanted to post pregnancy, regardless of what other women were saying. Of course, not yet a mom, I had limited knowledge of the actual pregnancy experience but, at the time, I did have a very good understanding of nutrition and biology, so I had something solid to start with. I researched the ins and outs of pregnancy and what to expect during and after it. I figured if I knew what might happen I could steer in the direction of what I wanted to happen, obviously staying healthy in the process. I looked in depth at what women across the globe were experiencing and doing, everything from the stuff most of us already know, to old secret traditions handed down through generations. I even researched chemistry.
Using my knowledge and research, I decided to create a practical pregnancy plan so that my baby and I would really enjoy the pregnancy experience and would come out the other side of it looking and feeling amazing. Of course, as life would have it, it was not to be done without difficulty. Looking back now, I can nearly hear the laughter of life in the wind: ‘Let’s give Donna a real challenge. We’ll make her baby BIG! A big, stripy belly guaranteed.’ And so I gave birth to a 9.2-pound (4.23-kilogramme) baby boy. But I haven’t a single stretch mark, I am in shape and I feel amazing. What’s more, my baby is strong, healthy and has a smile that would light up a Christmas tree.
So, with my little bundle of joy by my side, I can say with certainty that it’s a total myth that you have to look or feel anything less than amazing post pregnancy. It is also a myth that your life changes for the worse. It can be even more amazing than it was before pregnancy. I am living proof of it. And trust me, there’s nothing special about me that would allow nature to spare me. If anything, I was given some extra challenges.
First, I have epilepsy so my pregnancy wasn’t a straightforward experience. Second, post-pregnancy weight gain and stretch marks are common in my family.
So how did I maintain my self-confidence during and after pregnancy? How did I ensure a good figure? Well, I didn’t attend any support groups, and I didn’t starve or diet. I didn’t work the treadmill, I didn’t have any genetic alterations and my baby isn’t a contortionist. I simply have information most women don’t, and I used that information during and after pregnancy. I will share it all with you in this book – everything from how I looked after my emotional well-being to how I prevented stretch marks and got the body I wanted.
You see, when we become pregnant, and especially after we give birth, it’s all too easy to let things slip. It’s easy to forget that we are amazing, to forget sometimes that we even matter. It’s like we go into full-blown mommy mode, focusing solely on baby, and leave our sense of self behind. After all, we have our babies to consider, right? Well, here’s the thing: children learn by example and if you teach your child from day one that looking after yourself and feeling amazing is a good thing, they are likely to do the same.
1
You Matter
When I was pregnant, I saw so many mothers (both pregnant mothers and those who had already given birth) struggle with the idea of taking care of themselves, almost as though it was self-indulgent and uncaring. How could a mother possibly focus on herself and love her baby at the same time? We need to put things into perspective and get real. Taking care of yourself is essential to the health and happiness of your baby. Your baby needs a happy, healthy mom, and the only way you can be that happy, healthy mom is if you take care of yourself. When you’re on a flight, what do the air hosts say you need to do if there’s a sudden loss of cabin pressure? Please attend to your own mask first. And why do they say that? When you look after yourself, you are in a better position to look after others, that’s why. Being your best is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself, your baby and everyone around you. Your baby wants you to look and feel amazing. The very notion of compromising your own needs and ‘letting yourself go’ because you are a mom is ridiculous. The truth is, not taking care of yourself is uncaring.
Our babies come into this world knowing this to be true. Getting our needs met as a human being is a necessity if we are to grow and be at our best, physically or emotionally. When our babies are born, they innately know to cry to tell us what they need, and when they get it they smile up at us with doting eyes and gooh-gah smiles to make sure we don’t forget to meet their needs the next time. Do you think that happens by accident? We were designed to live fully and be the best we can be. We were designed to get our needs met. Even something as basic as a plant knows that getting its needs met is essential! If you don’t give it water it strips the soil of all moisture. If you deprive it of sunlight it twists itself towards any glimmer of light it can find. A plant will only bloom if it gets what it needs; ignore it and it will look like a dried-up, miserable weed. And surely we are more intelligent than plants? The simple fact is taking care of ourselves and being the best we can be is what we were born to do. It is not something to feel bad about or ignore.
My wish for you is that you look and feel absolutely amazing now and always and to be the best you can be in every way. I want you to wake up in the morning with a smile, glad to be alive and happy in the knowledge that you are a worthwhile person who deserves everything amazing that life has to offer, during pregnancy and after it. I want you to be able to look in the mirror, feel ‘wow’ and celebrate who looks back at you, inside and out. And you are totally capable of making this happen. Think about it: you had the ability to create a baby! Life coming from another life, there is nothing more powerful or impressive. Can you imagine the results you will get when you really put your conscious mind to implementing the Born to Be Beautiful pregnancy plan?
Identifying Your Starting Point
If you are to get where you want to be you must have a starting point. Like going on a journey, if you want to get to a destination it’s useful to know where you are now, where you want to be and what the best route is to get there. It makes things straightforward. I will help you identify exactly what you want your outcome to be, and I will show you the best route to get there, but first we must identify your starting point, no matter how undesirable you think it is.
Some women define their starting point as ‘a disaster’, ‘disappointing’, ‘less than average’, ‘hopeless’, ‘fat’, ‘self-conscious’, etc., whether they are pregnant or have already given birth. Everyone has their own way of describing their situation. I don’t know how you would describe your current situation but whatever it may be, just acknowledge it for what it is and don’t beat yourself up about it. We will be going well beyond criticising ourselves and we will be stepping into a productive way of thinking and behaving so that you will get results. But our first step must be to assess where we’re at right now.
The Wheel of Human Needs
So that we do not waste any time, I would like you to do the following exercise now. This exercise is purely to ascertain your starting point; it is not an exercise of criticism of any kind. Its purpose is purely to acknowledge what is currently happening in your life and that is all. To get your results you must do three things:
You must understand your needs as they exist.You must rate where you are now.You must make take the steps that I outline in this book (having consulted with your doctor where applicable).At this stage, I want you to simply read the list of needs that I have outlined here and ask yourself how each need applies to you and your life right now. Ask yourself whether each need is being met in balance (the goal is to create a sense of equilibrium in each area of our lives so that there is calm and not chaos), and then, later, we will rate each one on a scale from one to ten. Please note that most people do not have all their needs met in balance (many don’t even know what their needs are) so don’t freak out if, when you identify and rate your needs, things look hopeless. I don’t know anyone who scores a ten on everything – many don’t score a ten on anything – but rating your situation in this way will help you get results and get them fast.
Physical Needs
Our physical needs are perhaps the most obvious to us. They are the basis of human survival and it’s important they are met in balance.
Shelter: Having a roof over our heads is something every human being deserves and needs. It doesn’t need to be fancy but we do need it and so do our babies. In the event you don’t have a roof over your head, it is vital that you seek assistance as soon as possible.Fresh air: Our brains require a constant flow of oxygen to function normally. If our brain or our baby’s brain does not get enough oxygen then it can cause serious impairments in cognitive skills, as well as in physical, psychological and other functions. Therefore, it is essential, especially during and post pregnancy, that we expose ourselves to lots of fresh air every day. Walking is a good way to do so.Good nutrition: This is essential to a healthy pregnancy and an amazing you! Eat well, have proper, full meals, and always work with your body, not against it. We will discuss this in depth later on, in the Born to Be Beautiful food plan.Clean water: Next to oxygen, clean water is the most essential element to human life; the body usually cannot survive longer than a few days without it (a maximum of a week). Water is essential to the functioning of every single cell and every organ system in your body (and in your baby’s body). It makes up more than two-thirds of the weight of the human body: the brain is seventy-five percent water, blood is eighty-three percent water, bones are twenty-two percent water, muscles are seventy-five percent water and lungs are ninety percent water. Water is needed for the efficient elimination of waste products through the kidneys, regulation of body temperature (through perspiration), cushioning of the joints, good digestion and metabolism and delivery of nutrients and oxygen to all cells in the body. It facilitates all of the chemical processes which occur in the body. A decrease of as little as two percent in our body’s water supply can have harmful effects and cause symptoms of dehydration, such as daytime fatigue, excess thirst, fuzzy memory, difficulty focusing on tasks, light-headedness and nausea. So drink up!Sleep: When we have babies, our sleep patterns certainly change. A full night’s sleep just isn’t always possible or practical, especially if you are breastfeeding. However, we are not robots; we need sleep to function properly. If we do not get enough sleep it can affect our mental and physical health, which is bad for us and bad for our babies. For this reason, it is very important that you sleep as often as you can. As a rule of thumb, for the first few months, you should take a couple of naps during the day when your baby is napping. Ideally, you would get support in looking after your baby, such as sharing night feeds or making room in the day to allow you to get sleep, but if this doesn’t happen you need to make sleep a priority any time you can get it.Movement: Regular physical activity is one of the most important things we can do for our health and physical appearance. Later, you will learn the Born to Be Beautiful movement plan, which you can easily incorporate into your day. It will have you looking amazing in a very short period of time.Emotional Needs
Most people do not take care of their emotional needs or even know what they are. However, ignoring or compromising our emotional needs is what causes most of our problems. Let’s look at what’s important.
Safety and security: In general, we feel safe when we feel competent to deal with what is happening in our lives, and we feel secure when we know that our environment (emotional, financial, etc.) is stable. Needless to say, pregnancy can throw all this up in the air, leaving us in fear of the unknown. It is very common to feel nervous about both pregnancy and motherhood, so if you feel nervous it is perfectly normal and understandable. After all, there is no rule book for it – and for good reason, in my opinion, as no two children are the same. Simply love and care for your baby and trust your intuition. If they smile often for the right reasons, you are doing a good job! Your health care provider will advise you on the specifics so you feel secure in the knowledge that everything is okay. You’ll be shown how and when to feed your baby, etc. and regular health checks will be made available to you. Be sure to ask questions – even the ones you are embarrassed about – and to seek assistance if you need it.Control and autonomy: Every human being needs to have a sense of order and control, whether in deciding what to eat for dinner or in planning for the future. However, during and after pregnancy, life can feel a bit out-of-control, especially if we fear the unknown or don’t like change, which is the case for the majority of the population. It’s important, therefore, to create a plan for when the baby arrives, so that you can enjoy being a mother. This is different for everyone but as a general guideline, you could have your basic items bought before the baby arrives, such as the contents of a baby bag, baby clothes and bibs, a stroller, etc. You don’t need to go out and get everything, the basics are fine. You could also plan feeds in advance and, once the baby is born, write down key phone numbers in case you need them (doctor, health nurse, hospital, family, close friends). Post pregnancy, it is also very important that you arrange time for yourself and time alone with your partner if you are in a relationship. We will discuss this in more detail, but it helps life stay calm and will help you feel more in control.Competency and achievement: Feeling proud of ourselves, feeling ‘good enough’, is very important to our emotional well-being. In today’s fast-paced society, we are measured against others in many ways, so feeling inadequate has unfortunately become commonplace, especially amongst mothers. We will discuss this in more depth later on.Attention: Giving and receiving attention is essential to normal development and emotional well-being. Everyone needs a sense of inclusion and appreciation, to feel their presence has been noted. During and after pregnancy, this need is often compromised. We must not lose sight of the fact that we matter, we deserve attention.Connection to others: Our brains are social organs. In the womb, neurons in the developing brain become functional only if they connect with other neurons, implying that it is in our make-up to interact and be part of something. Pregnancy can make it difficult to stay in touch with others, but it very important to stay involved with other adults. Make a point of meeting friends and staying connected.Purpose and meaning: This comes from being creative and challenged. Countless studies have shown that having a strong sense of purpose in life is associated with greater overall mental health, happiness and even longevity. Having a baby gives a huge sense of purpose, but we can have other purposes too: things that stretch our minds or bodies, things we can look forward to doing. These could be anything from taking classes to learning something new at home.Fun and relaxation: Life without fun and relaxation can easily become meaningless. The human mind and body cannot go through life on a constant flow of adrenaline. We must have down time, time to relax and have fun. Play with your baby, have a laugh with those around you, take time out. You will feel the benefit of it, I promise!Love and affection: Everyone needs to feel loved and cared for, whether by a partner or by someone else. I guess it’s the world’s way of saying we are worthwhile. Love is the basis of every creation.Your relationship: If you are in a relationship, it is important that you nurture it during and after pregnancy. A new baby has a big impact on ‘couple life’, so adjustments might need to be made to ensure that the sparkle between you and your partner stays bright. Researchers at the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute in Victoria, Australia, interviewed 1,500 new mothers about intimacy and sexual health as part of a longitudinal study. They found that:Lifestyle changes associated with having a baby, loss of freedom and loss of time together as a couple are challenges for all new parents and can be overwhelming at times … For some women, motherhood and sexuality are experienced as contradictory roles.
Most women said they had sex less often, even after twelve months, than they had before they became pregnant, with intimacy taking a back seat to the love and energy being poured into their newborn. Thankfully, if you are conscious of this and nurture your relationship, having a baby only makes your love all the more wonderful. Here are some tips to help you:
The most important thing in any relationship is communication. If you keep talking and being honest, you’ll keep that strong bond.
Coordinate a schedule with your partner regarding who cares for the baby, especially at night. If possible, alternate feedings so that each parent can get a chunk of uninterrupted sleep. Until your child is sleeping for longer stretches at night, coordinating a schedule so that each parent can get a nap will be beneficial as well. It prevents sleep deprivation irritability.
After a baby is born, there is a normal lull in sexual activity. Keep the relationship strong by cuddling up together, holding hands and kissing.
Accept your partner’s initiation of affection as sign of their love for you.
When you have family members available to babysit, take advantage of this and put a date night on the calendar! Schedule date nights in advance.
Talk about things other than your baby sometimes.
Point out the things your partner is doing well. We all have different ways of doing things, but make sure you encourage your partner by pointing out the positive things. Sending a text with these small affirmations is also a great way to build your connection as parents.
