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This book will serve as a guide for establishing limits and cultivating the assertiveness required to keep them. You'll learn how to say no in any case, at home or at work, based on your beliefs. And, most of all, you'll learn how to persuade your friends and family members, employers, colleagues, and neighbors to respect your limits and acknowledge your personal integrity.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021
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BREAK THE HABIT OF PEOPLE-PLEASING
BookRix GmbH & Co. KG81371 MunichCOPYRIGHTS
All Rights Reserved By
The Author
TITLE PAGE
BREAK THE HABIT OF
PEOPLE-PLEASING
S.R. FRANKLIN
DEDICATION
TTHIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO MY MOTHER
TEBLE OF CONTENTS
PREFACE
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER #1
CHAPTER #2
CHAPTER #3
CHAPTER #4
CHAPTER #5
CHAPTER #6
CHAPTER #7
CHAPTER #8
CHAPTER #9
CHAPTER #10
CHAPTER #11
CHAPTER #12
CHAPTER #13
CHAPTER #14
CHAPTER #15
CHAPTER #16
CHAPTER #17
CHAPTER #18
CHAPTER #19
CHAPTER #20
CHAPTER #21
CHAPTER #22
CHAPTER #23
CHAPTER #24
CHAPTER #25
CHAPTER #26
CHAPTER #27
CHAPTER #28
CHAPTER #29
CHAPTER #30
CHAPTER #31
CHAPTER #32
CHAPTER #33
CHAPTER #34
CHAPTER #35
CHAPTER #36
REFERENCES
PREFACE
Trying to please others. Aren't we all familiar with the broader context of these two priceless words?. Who doesn't want to impress the people around them, and who doesn't want to please everyone?. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, with wanting people to love your presence, with wanting to impress others, but when your only concern is to continually please others, even if it means not being true to yourself, even if it means betraying your own self, you should start challenging your actions. Let me tell you something surprising. You will never be able to satisfy everybody, no matter how hard you try or how much time and energy you devote to pretending to be something or that, to be loved by everyone, to wear a variety of masks, none of which are really yours. Never, ever!.
STOP IT! It's impossible, it can't be achieved!
Accept, own, and enjoy yourself as you are. and you will be much happier, as will those around you, and your life will get much simpler and brighter.
Don't equate yourself to someone, don't pretend to be exclusive, don't try to be someone else just to blend in, don't try and be someone else just to be loved.
Be yourself, and trust me when I say that the day you do, the moment you embrace and see yourself for who you really are, people will like you better than they ever have, and you will get so much approval that you will get "tired" of it.
Be yourself, be YOU, and remember that the world needs more people who aren't afraid to reveal their true selves, personalities, light, and elegance, and the moment you encourage yourself to just be, the moment you "let your own light shine," you unwittingly offer others permission to do the same.
Your presence will automatically liberate you when you become free of your own fear. Pleasing your own self does not imply being arrogant or egocentric; rather, it entails only doing what you enjoy and behaving in compliance with your high morals, beliefs, and expectations.
There isn't another human on the planet that is just like you, which is what makes you so exceptional, unique, and valuable. Why would you pretend to be someone else, or pretend to be someone you're not?. And if we just did it at the same time?
What if we just pretended to be someone else only to please one another, without understanding that by doing so, we are not just deceiving others as others attempt to deceive us, but we are still deceiving ourselves?.
Is that the level of esteem and admiration you have for yourself?.
Would you consider it a safe way of life; would you consider it acceptable?
This book will serve as a guide for establishing limits and cultivating the assertiveness required to keep them. You'll learn how to say no in any case, at home or at work, based on your beliefs. And, most of all, you'll learn how to persuade your friends and family members, employers, colleagues, and neighbors to respect your limits and acknowledge your personal integrity.
--- Author
INTRODUCTION
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, "a person who has an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own needs or desires" is a people-pleaser. They even impress others at the expense of their precious time and money. People who enjoy impressing others do it because of their insecurities and low self-esteem. A people-pleaser believes they are inferior to most others around him or her and tries to hide these self-beliefs from all whom they come in contact with. They feel so low about themselves and behave like a doormat. They will almost do anything to hide their feelings and intentions, and won’t allow others to understand know what’s happening within.
CHAPTER 1
Why Is People-Pleasing a Natural Human Instinct?
As human beings, it is natural to want to look nice, offer help and be successful. And yet, it's still possible for one to engage in any of these activities just to please someone. It's perfectly normal to do this from time to time. However, if this were to become a habit, it would be unhealthy. Once this becomes a way of life, one can become detached from one's own wishes and desires. This shows that they are focused on something outside of themselves rather than on themselves. There will be moments when what one does will please everyone, but there will still be times when it will not.
People-pleasing is an inherent emotion for all human beings, but some people lean more than others into it. Psychotherapist Sharon Martin says that "Our need to please is actually more of a need to belong. And thousands of years ago, our need to belong was most likely encoded in our genes. People formed groups in prehistory to pool resources and share work in order to survive.Not being accepted into these groups meant starving to death or being preyed upon by wild animals. " Although people-pleasing can trace its roots to ancient survival tactics, it has remained an ingrained human instinct even in modern times—but maybe to varying degrees for various people. "We all have a primal fear of abandonment. We want validation. We fear rejection. We need to be seen. We leave ourselves behind as our natural biological and psychological factors compel us to please others on a regular basis, according to Gavin Sharpe, a psychotherapist from Monaco.
So why do certain people engage in this activity more often and with greater intensity than others? Some researchers say that actively striving to impress others is an acquired trait that develops early in life. Growing up with excessively critical, restraining, or emotionally distant and dismissive caregivers can instill the habit of people-pleasing in order to escape their displeasure or get their attention.
Furthermore, stressful childhood events such as confrontation or anger from parents as a result of expressing one's desires may have similar consequences.
In such situations, people-pleasing is a coping strategy that persists even though the child grows up. "Often, people-pleasers are afraid of confrontation and will just agree and say yes to most anything to avoid an uncomfortable argument or disagreement," Susan Newman, a social psychologist, told HuffPost.
Experts say that people-pleasers frequently struggle with low self-esteem and insecurity, causing them to rely on others to validate their self-esteem. People-pleasers often fret about rejection and abandonment because of their poor self-esteem-and, in order to prevent the result or to fit in, they want to make everyone comfortable with them. People-pleasers also cultivate the belief that they are responsible for making someone happy, and they feel bad if they fail to do so-Encouraging an endless loop of more and more pleasing efforts.
The behaviour of people-pleasing is associated with sociotropy, a personality characteristic that is seen as the opposite of autonomy. While the desire for individuality and individualistic success characterizes autonomy, sociotropy is characterized by high social acceptance requirements and "positive social experiences" — to the extent of foregoing one's own interests in favor of pleasing others. " According to research, sociotropy is more common in women than in men, perhaps because of social conditioning.
