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- Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
- Kategorie: Fachliteratur
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013
A self-help manual on creating reasonable, achievable improvement in your life In our attempts to overachieve, many people find themselves frustrated because they cannot relish in their own successes. Though these professionals may reach their goals of job titles and financial stability, they often sacrifice their personal and family lives and discover deep dissatisfaction. In Change One Thing!, self-help author Sue Hadfield outlines the necessary steps to address the disillusionment that has become a common problem in our work-driven society. While whirlwind change can be overwhelming and unrealistic for a modern worker with a family and responsibilities, Hadfield asserts that a determined person can bring about an impactful change in his life by simply altering one aspect of it. * Teaches readers to avoid emotions of hopelessness and panic associated with changing too many aspects at once * Details a step-by-step plan to make a meaningful change * Shares real-life examples of people who successfully altered their lives Those who recognize that professional success is less fulfilling than other facets of their lives will find comfort and guidance in Change One Thing! as they embark on missions to improve their lives.
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Table of Contents
Title page
Copyright page
Dedication
Introduction
You are living in interesting times
Your life will continue to change
You are leading an interesting life
Changes that have happened to you
Changes that you choose to make
Fear of change
Be proactive
1: Motivation: You have your whole life ahead of you
Which do you want first – the good news or the bad news?
There's plenty of time then. So what's the problem?
What age would you be happy with?
What does healthy life-expectancy mean?
Is it too late?
Conceptualist or Experimentalist?
Wanting it all
It's your choice
2: Identification: Know yourself and what you want
The treadmill
What can you do?
Be honest about your values
What do you want out of life?
Regrets of the living
3: Recognition: The need for purpose and meaning
The 15 characteristics
The need for meaning and purpose in life
People who made it anyway
Regret
The causes of most stress
You deserve to be happy
The effect of change on others
4: Procrastination: What's stopping you?
Is it possible to change?
Self-fulfilling prophecy
Do you avoid challenges?
Don't forget you have already changed
Changes you have chosen
What are you afraid of?
Procrastination
Why do we procrastinate?
The good news
Perfectionism
Maximizers
Is it possible for Mike to change?
Learned helplessness
5: Inspiration: What do other people do?
Do what you need to do
Hard work and determination
Clarify your goal
Minimize the risk: Test the market
Observe or volunteer
Do the research
A word of caution
Make a commitment
Match your talent and your interest to your values
Extra money without working
A portfolio career
6: Preparation: What can you do if you can't act now?
Give it time
The devil is in the detail
What if your dream is to travel more?
Be clear about what you want and why you want it
Studying abroad
Have a picture
Gap year
Compromise
7: Implementation: Finding the time
Are you a workaholic?
Back-to-back meetings
How to stop procrastinating
Set a time limit
Do you need a to-do list?
Be realistic about how long everything takes
The balancing act
Having it all
But not at the same time
Want-to-do list
Have a visual reminder
Look back on the past week
Being late
Give your time away
8: Determination: Over to you
Be resilient
Look after yourself
Be decisive but not impulsive
Positive thinking
You too can be a self-actualizer
Start now
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Image List
If You Are Waiting for a Sign, This Is It.
© 2014 Sue Hadfield
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ISBN 978-0-857-08460-6 (pbk) ISBN 978-0-857-08458-3 (ebk)
ISBN 978-0-857-08457-6 (ebk)
Cover design by Mackerel Ltd
This book is dedicated to Elliot Eddy Hadfield, who is just beginning his journey.
“This is your time and it feels normal to you, but really, there is no normal. There is only change and resistance to it and then more change.”
Meryl Streep
Introduction
You are living in interesting times
During your lifetime things have been changing constantly so that when you look back on your younger self you are amazed at the things that you now take for granted (mobile phones, the internet, wind turbines, cycle lanes, electric cars, barcodes, iPads, Amazon, Google, plasma TVs, men pushing baby buggies). There are also things that have disappeared: people smoking in restaurants, cinemas and on aeroplanes, metal dustbins, cheque books, many local pubs and small shops, Woolworths, Comet, videos, records and cameras with films.
And it's not just technology that has changed in your lifetime. Natural disasters, such as the “Boxing Day Tsunami” in 2004, Hurricane Katrina and the Pakistan earthquake in 2005 affect us all, for a while, as we become one world in the face of such destruction and devastation. Similarly, world events like the fall of the Berlin Wall (1989), the Channel Tunnel (1994), 9/11 (2001), the election of America's first black president (2008), even records being broken in the Olympics (and Murray winning Wimbledon), change the way that we see the world and consequently, the way that we see ourselves.
Your life will continue to change
We may welcome new gadgets in the belief that they make our lives easier, and we may regret the passing of the familiar things from our past, but the one certainty in life is that everything changes. Your personal life too will have changed: nobody stays the same person they were as a teenager. Can you remember a favourite book, or film, or band, or hobby, a person you admired, or your ambitions as a teenager? They would almost certainly be different to your choices today. The experiences you have had in your life have changed your attitude and will continue to do so.
You are leading an interesting life
In your life so far you will have passed through different phases. As a child you thought that you could be anything you wanted to be: if anyone asked, your answers might have varied from astronaut, to explorer, from vet to footballer, from author to musician. As a teenager, you probably felt confused and began to change or modify your aspirations. As a young adult, you may have begun to have doubts about whether you had chosen the right path. You will certainly have had some successes and relationships and achievements that make you feel proud of yourself. As your life progresses, it becomes complicated by relationships and ambition and social status.
Changes that have happened to you
Your life so far may not have been easy: you may have had accidents or illnesses, you may have been lied to or betrayed, you may have done things that you now regret. You may have found yourself doing things in order to fit in with others in your social circle or to make yourself feel secure in the future. Whatever resentment or sadness you feel about the past, it's over and only exists when you choose to recall it. There is no point in raging against the unfairness of life, or missed opportunities, or comparing yourself to those who seem to have it easy.
Changes that you choose to make
Many of the changes that have happened in your life have simply happened – you have had no choice in the matter. But you are not a helpless pawn in the game of your life; you have also made decisions that have changed the course of your life so far. When you make a change in your life, it can simply mean that you stop doing something that you have been doing (such as spending money on coffee everyday); or you stop doing something and replace it with something better (like cycling instead of driving to work); or you decide to add something new to your life (like volunteering).
If you have tried, but failed, to make changes in the past (such as when you made a New Year's Resolution), it may be because the goal that you set was too big or too general. Making a decision to “go on a diet” or to “take more exercise” is often doomed to failure because the ambition is too wide-ranging and open to disappointment. You may have had a feeling of hopelessness when things go wrong, but everything you have tried in the past is useful. You have not failed if you learn from your experiences and if you are determined to keep on trying.
Fear of change
You may have a sense of dissatisfaction or discontent with your life at the moment but feel anxious about making a decision that you may regret. It may seem safer to let things stay as they are and to settle for what you already have. You may unconsciously be waiting for something to happen that will cause you to make a change.
It takes courage to examine your life and to decide that there are things you would like to change, and it takes even more courage to do something about it. Research shows that when you are young you tend to worry about making a change because you are afraid that things might go wrong – that you might make the wrong decision. When, you get older, however, you tend to regret the things you didn't do (rather than the things you did).
We will do anything to avoid the feeling that we are taking a risk; we are afraid that we will not be able to handle the disappointment if it doesn't work out. We pack our lives with other things: moving house, decorating, dieting, buying more things – anything rather than make the change that we secretly want. But studies show that we tend to exaggerate our fears about things that could go wrong and anticipate that we will feel worse than we actually do. In fact, when we act on something we tend to accept the outcome: it is not doing the things that we would like to do that we regret.
Be proactive
Being proactive about your life (rather than reacting to things that happen) means examining what you are you are doing with your time and asking yourself whether this is the life that you want. Making the most of your life means investing some time and effort into thinking and planning and doing. It is your life and you are the person who can influence its outcome. A rich and fulfilling life usually includes job satisfaction and close personal relationships and these are interdependent. If you are not happy in your personal life, it is difficult to succeed at work; if you are unhappy at work, then you are likely to bring your misery home.
The changes that people want to make in their lives are usually connected to their relationships or their careers and the very idea of this can be daunting. The fears and doubts that accompany any such life-changing event can paralyze you into doing nothing. As you read this book, you will see examples of people who have faced similar fears, doubts and decisions and chosen to take their lives into their own hands and change things.
This book addresses the way that we avoid change and the reasons that we do this. It examines the way that you may have approached problems and decisions in your life in the past and will inspire and guide you to think about your life in the present. Doing nothing is also a decision: doing nothing means deciding to continue the way you are now; deliberately making a change in your life means making a decision that your life is going to turn out differently.
You may feel dissatisfied with your life at the moment but may not feel ready to make wholesale changes. But making one change in your life doesn't have to be daunting – even small changes can have a huge impact. Instead of feeding your fears and doubts by allowing them to dominate your thoughts, you can make the decision to embrace your desire to lead the best life that you can. When you decide to make a change, or to introduce something new into your life, you feel empowered and your life will never be the same again. Any small change that you make starts a positive cascade that affects all aspects of your life.
If you feel that your life is ready for you to make a change, for new ideas and challenges, this book will show you how to fulfil your ambitions. It will inspire you with the examples of other people, just like you, who want to achieve their dreams and live a life with no regrets.
Convinced? Just making one change in your lifestyle, however large or small, can alter the course of the rest of your life. Now read on and discover how to motivate and inspire yourself to take the steps you need to transform your life.
Motivation
You have your whole life ahead of you
“Millions who long for immortality don't even know what to do with themselves on a rainy Saturday afternoon.”
Susan Ertz
Did anyone ever say this to you when you were young? Have you ever said it to anyone else? Of course, it is true about all of us – ahead of us lies our future and it is up to us to spend however many years we have in the best way possible. The decisions we make about every aspect of our lives are not just taken at age 18 or 21 but throughout our lives.
Which do you want first – the good news or the bad news?
Well the good news is that of the people alive in Britain today, 10 million will live to be 100 (currently the number is 12,640). These people are called the Generation C (for centenarian) and it is estimated that three million of them are presently under the age of 16 and a further five and a half million are under the age of 50. Nine out of ten boys can now expect to live to reach the age of at least 65 (whereas, in 1901, life expectancy for men in this country was 45 and for women it was 49).
According to a 2011 report from the International Longevity Centre UK, with the support of Age UK, those who live until they are 100 tend to avoid specific cancers and have been able to resist certain diseases. So that those who do reach 100 “effectively avoid many of the conditions associated with old age”.
There's plenty of time then. So what's the problem?
First of all, there isn't much time between the cradle and the grave. A new-born boy today can expect to live for 78.9 years and a girl to 82.9 (although it varies depending on where you live – a man living in Glasgow has 13.5 years fewer years than a man in Chelsea). You might think, “Well, I'm only 38 that gives me another 40 years to pursue my dreams”. The trouble is that it doesn't work like that. The problem is that the increase in life-expectancy has not been matched by an increase in “healthy life-expectancy”.
What age would you be happy with?
Anyone under the age of 65 will have benefited from a lifetime of free National Health Service care. Medical advances in our lifetime have improved mortality rates from heart disease and strokes and have made us aware of the dangers of smoking and drinking too much alcohol.
We are more aware of healthy eating and we live in a more affluent economy, with a consequent rise in living standards: people live in more comfortable, often central-heated, homes and are likely to work in safe and air-conditioned work places. So we should be living longer, but we don't just want extra years – we want extra active and healthy years.
What does healthy life-expectancy mean?
So we want to live as long as possible, but we want to be in good health. Healthy life-expectancy is an estimate of the number of healthy years (free from disease or disability – like cancer, dementia or severe arthritis) that a person born in a particular year can expect to live. The average number of years spent with some kind of debilitating illness is subtracted from the average life-expectancy to give us “health-adjusted life-expectancy”.
So what do you guess is the average healthy lifespan for the UK? (Write it down.) Once you know this age, try asking other people you know. Their guesstimates will vary wildly (in my experience from 40 to 80 years). People tend to guess based on the health of their relatives, or sometimes just because they know one person who has lived an active life to a great age: “Well, my aunt is 93 and she still does her own shopping and cooking.”
Remember, like lifespan, healthy lifespan is an average age for the whole of the UK (including Glasgow). It does not mean that you will begin to suffer from an illness or disability at this age (and, indeed, everyone you ask will decide that the figure doesn't apply to them). So what do you think it is?
The average man in this country can expect to enjoy good health until he is 63 and the average woman 65, according to a report by the Office for National Statistics in 2011.
So, although life-expectancy has increased and our bodies are living longer, this doesn't necessarily mean that we will be leading the kind of active, adventurous life that we might hope for as we get older. As you read these figures, you, like everyone else, will be saying to yourself, “Well, that's the average. It's not going to be me. I'm determined to stay fit and well and lead a fulfilling life right to the end.”
(If you want to know where to live: Monaco has the highest life-expectancy in the world at an average of 89.7 years. Chad has the lowest level of life-expectancy at 48.7 years. The United Kingdom comes in 30th at 80.2 years, while America ranks 51st in the table with 78.5 years. Japan has the greatest proportion of over-90s, followed by Sweden, Italy and France.)
“Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.”
Scottish proverb
Of course, you don't just want to live healthily – you want those years to be happy and rewarding. You want to be able to look back on your life and know that you have fulfilled your potential; that you haven't wasted it in an unhappy relationship or a job that bores you. Indeed, you want to be aware that you are living a life worth living while you are living it – to know that you are learning new things and using your talents and abilities to the full.
If you think of people you admire, they are usually people with a passion: people who have discovered what they enjoy doing and then perfected their sport or their craft and pursued it to its limits. For most people, this is not easy to do. We all have the same things holding us back: that little voice telling us that we're not good enough; the family background that makes us conform; the tendency to laziness that stops us from achieving our potential.
It is easy to make excuses and to compare your lot in life unfavourably with others. It is true that many people who have made a success of their lives have done so with the help of a comfortable background and family support. It is, however, equally true that many of our heroes have come from humble backgrounds and have achieved their success almost despite their family upbringing or difficulties.
“Don't be afraid your life will end: be afraid it will never begin.”
Grace Hansen
