Dancing With Your Muse E-Book

Gilda Joffe

• Herausgeber: WS
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 196

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021

Beschreibung

Have you ever had a dream, but let it go because you were too afraid of failure to try? Dancing with Your Muse is a motivational guide to understanding this fear and working past it to achieve your goals without inhibition.

With sections on the purpose of fear and how to turn it into a positive outcome, guidance on staying resilient to external perceptions of your worth, and defining what success means to you, this book will teach you to courageously choose the most direct pathways to success.

Leseprobe

DANCING

WITH YOUR

MUSE

Gilda Joffe, graduate of The Juilliard School, is an executive coach for women, with a specialty in eliminating fears hindering development of business and creative potential. With a focus on mindset work, she has over 25 years of teaching and coaching experience and is a certified HeartMath® trainer for businesses and individuals.

As a violinist, Gilda performed throughout North America, as well as internationally with various European ensembles in major halls across the world.

You can find out more about Gilda at performermindset.com.

GILDA JOFFE

DANCING

WITH YOUR

MUSE

Inner magic to release fearand embrace creativity

To my beloved husband,the most constantly curiousand creative person I know!

Contents

Preface

Introduction: We made it!

PART 1: FEAR IN ALL ITS GLORY

1. What the heck is fear?

2. First steps versus no steps

3. Everyone says ‘don’t be nervous’

4. Now you see me, now you don’t

5. Conflict … ‘I want to, but I’m afraid’

6. But what if I succeed?

7. Great expectations: yours or others?

8. How to love rejection

9. The challenge of change

PART 2: JUDGMENT AND CRITICISM

10. Criticism: helpful or hurtful?

11. Guilt and potential

12. Standards of perfection

13. Performance and you

14. The green-eyed monster

15. Mistakes: the best way to success

16. When in doubt …

17. Stage fright: halls and eyeballs

PART 3: SUCCESS IN DIFFERENT GUISES

18. What is success?

19. Confidence confirmed

20. A case of ‘mistaken identity’

21. Playtime

22. The beauty of gratitude

23. Creativity and dollars

24. Aligning yourself with success

25. Your success pocket

26. Success comes from the whole you

PART 4: WRAPPING IT UP FOR COSMIC SEND-OFF

27. Trust in … whatever!

28. Feeling the wish

29. Creativity and wellbeing

30. The world needs you

Acknowledgments

Endnotes

Index

Preface

When my grandmother was born, many fairies came to her cradle and delivered practically an embarrassment of gifts. She was given prodigious musical talent, an affinity for dance, a head for mathematics and an eye for drawing, as well as a large dose of charm, wit and beauty. When the last fairy came to visit her, she made the daunting pronouncement that my grandmother would never be able to fulfill the potential of any of these talents. Unfortunately, life events as well as personal decisions did subsequently prove this to be true.

Whenever we really want to pursue something, all of us have the ability to find strong reasons why it might not work or succeed. We have an exquisite capacity to back up those misconceptions with superb rationalizations and irrational emotional states, thus perfectly preventing us from reaching what we most desire.

Guilt, fear and self-deception are some of the many ways people suppress within themselves that which so richly deserves expression. But each of us, no matter our life path, has something of creative value and importance which needs to be brought forth, not only as an ardent expression of our own psyche, but as a shimmering light for others.

It may seem impossible at times to fight against the voices of our own personal histories and self-doubts or the noisy judgments of others when attempting to express ourselves in a creative manner. And yet not to try is to experience, somewhere along the line, inner pain and sadness.

I have heard so many times ‘I really wanted to but …’, ‘It was always my dream, however I was told …’ ‘Oh I couldn’t possibly do that …’ or ‘I’m just not very creative …’. These are revealing statements in themselves.

There are many reasons why people give up their dreams. Not just the big ones, but also the colorful, smaller visions which, like facets of a jewel, would sparkle if brought to light.

The terror of being forced to perform in the yearly recital at the home of my music teacher brought equal parts crippling fear and nasty physical symptoms, plus a strange sensation of feeling myself to be two people at the same time, in the same body: the twelve-year-old I was and, in some dimly recognizable form, my future adult self. I realized in later years that the origin of this peculiar feeling was my higher awareness, which seemed to have momentarily popped in to reassure a very nervous kid. This consciousness, while responsive to my discomfort, probably knew it would have to wait a long time for my younger self to discover her own powers. Especially that particular power, belonging to all of us, which transforms anxiety into confident self-expression.

But that day, at the beginning of the morning, I felt only pangs of anxiety which even the most optimistic bird tweets outside my window did not alleviate.

Arriving later in the day at my teacher’s home, with its nineteenth-century high-ceilinged living room, creaky floors and dim rickety floor lamps hugging the piano, it was evident that I had the scary distinction of being the youngest among the ‘older’ students of sixteen and seventeen. Closer to the moment of performance, my heart pounded most uncomfortably and my hands became even more stiff, cold and sweaty from clutching my instrument. Worst of all, the voice of my music teacher started to bellow in my direction.

Being an expert at worrying way ahead of time, I was terrified of not playing well. A scenario of humiliation, disgrace and possible expulsion was definitely possible, since I had witnessed that exact circumstance happen to other students in the past. My music dreams would be over, I would have to quit, the future was doomed …!

Fortuitously, the bellowing veered off from my part of the room and landed instead on another miserable-looking candidate. Relief came, but not much, knowing that although I had gained some moments of safety, the trial was still ahead. As this other unhappy student took up his instrument, I scanned his face, noticing my own terror well reflected in his expression. Surprisingly however, as he began to play, a slow feeling of calm, which was completely unexpected, began to creep over me. My nervousness started to evaporate. Perhaps it was because he carried so much anxiety that it was not necessary for me to carry as much myself. He had enough for both! But because of the calmness that began to come over me, I had a curious realization, and it was that indelible moment which became the basis of this book.

During many youthful recitals I struggled with various conflicts having nothing to do with the music, but everything to do with the issues that I see in my teenage and adult clients today. Wanting to be seen, afraid to be seen, self-esteem, fear of judgment, peer pressure, negative head voices, fear of success, fear of failure. The list drones on.

These are conflicts that everyone experiences who is trapped by fear and the countless ‘reasons’ why we cannot have our longed-for desires. Many of those reasons can be eliminated by the understanding and acceptance that there absolutely exist alternate routes to our wishes. This occurs especially if we choose to say yes even to strange-looking opportunities, which might not be easy to spot or even look like opportunities at times. However, accepting them can lead us to places we might never have imagined could be as intriguing, or desirous, as the destinations themselves.

There isn’t a person alive who hasn’t experienced the effects of fear at some moment when it comes to personal choices or expectations from others. However, fear is just an emotion translated into bodily feelings. It is created by us, and it can be transformed by us into the needed fuel to start or propel our hopes into amazing living realities. Even in the middle of chaos we can nourish the small dream spark and keep it alive until the time when it can burst into transformative flames. In fact, chaos itself can sometimes be a most magnificent (albeit painful) catalyst in bringing forth previously hidden, but helpful, insights.

The recital realization, and what I continued to learn over the following years, led to wonderful and gratifying professional and personal outcomes. Ten years after that anguished event, I did indeed become a professional musician, playing concerts everywhere, living and traveling in many countries and, later — most rewarding of all — working with hundreds of students and clients from all professions and stages of life, in the areas of peak performance and development of creative potential. Helping people to travel the tremendous peaks and valleys that come with any dream, and to more easily surf their own waves of experience, has been my greatest joy.

Understanding our fears and how they hold us back is the first step in waving the magic wand over our delusions of smallness, so that we may recognizably transform ourselves back into the powerful beings that we already are.

In these pages we will discover how to step off the false emotional roads which take us away from our most wished-for destinations. Instead, we will learn to courageously choose the most direct pathways to creative success and, more importantly, personal fulfillment, no matter what our background, profession or present situation.

So, what was the sudden awareness discovered so long ago at that agonizing recital?

It was in realizing that if a person could be so miserable in a single moment and completely calm in the next, it meant only one thing … that I was in control. The condition of my mind and thoughts was completely up to me. That mind defines destiny.

It was a huge, fortunate perception for a twelve year old, and a gift with which I have worked ever since.

How we think determines our behaviors and actions. Nothing else.

Thought precedes all. Knowing that we have control over what we think seems trite and obvious. However, most people go through their entire lives without realizing the profound implications of this knowledge.

How often we blame others for how we feel, never understanding that our emotions are created solely by ourselves. Of course, we must never stay or participate in circumstances that threaten our physical or emotional welfare. However, in normal day-to-day life our behaviors are dictated solely by our emotions, which arrive directly from our thoughts.

Therefore, it is of paramount importance that what we think is of the most emotionally nutritious nature if we are to have happy and creative lives. Our whole existence is one of creativity from the moment we get up in the morning until we rest our bodies and minds at night.

All of us yearn in some way to express ourselves through our interests, whether that be through the potter’s wheel, a painting class, designing gardens, writing, playing music, learning a dance, cooking a delicious meal or a million other possibilities that we who are so fortunate to be alive can choose! The only thing that can prevent us from enjoying this soul expression is ourselves. And the one emotion that can cause us so much distress in all areas of our lives is fear.

Fear has many forms besides those with which we are familiar. It can slip in uninvited under other emotions, such as anger or envy. Sometimes we may not even know that we are afraid of something, unless we dig a little within ourselves to explore what lies at the bottom of our reactions.

Most of us are nervous about stepping beyond what is ‘acceptable’ in terms of ‘expressing ourselves’. Add to this the fact that our various cultures and upbringings all have different ‘rules’ and we begin to feel constrained before we even begin!

Ironically, those in professions who receive the most public adoration are generally mavericks who have let their creativity burst forth in a way which the rest of us generally do not allow ourselves to do. Like them or not, our present-day entertainers, big personality sports figures and tech inventors of the latest and greatest capture our imaginations precisely because we let ourselves live emotionally through their personalities and accomplishments.

However, we don’t have to be them, nor do we need society’s permission to access our own sources of creativity.

No matter our background or profession, the desire or need to express oneself creatively should be of great importance in our own eyes. And we must realize that our decision to do so is far more important than any worldly judgments, negative or positive, which may occur or be expressed as a result of our actions and creations.

What this means is that we are the only ones who have the right to give permission to our expressive yearnings, whether that means a presentation to a board, a performance on stage, a painting, project, poem or (most difficult and gratifying) learning to communicate wholeheartedly with another human being. It is not for outside voices to give us permission to plumb our own depths. We are the ones who hold the keys to our own creative kingdoms.

Dancing with Your Muse is a series of essays, divided into four parts. Part 1, ‘Fear in all its glory’, speaks to many of the most prevalent inner fears which assail us the instant we even think of moving forwards towards our creative hopes and dreams. By understanding these common fears we realize we are not alone and that we are indeed capable of transforming these inhibitors into positive outcomes. In Part 2, ‘Judgment and criticism’, we discuss the pressures and anxieties felt as a result of external influences, and how to keep ourselves in balance without succumbing to outside perceptions of our worth. Part 3, ‘Success in different guises’, expands our notions of success by more personal understanding of what accomplishment means to us, and how this knowledge can deliver confidence, self-compassion and previously unseen possibilities. In the final section, ‘Wrapping it up for cosmic send-off’, we look at the larger picture, realizing the gifts of our own being, and how lucky each of us is to be a color in the great portrait of humanity. Personal stories, with names changed to protect privacy, are sprinkled throughout the book to help highlight specific fears and/or solutions.

We will learn that creativity is a process, not a ‘thing’, and that we are all endowed with this miraculous gift. Learning how to dance with creation and its myriad possibilities is what helps us to sail through the turbulent seas on our life voyages.

Having come into life we may therefore express what has been given to us … to feel the value and divinity of that which we individually possess. To be here for the instinctual joy of delivering to the world, in humbleness and thanks, that which has been gifted to us in our dreams, our visions, and in our hearts by the great unknown which created us.

Introduction:We made it!

Congratulations! Just by being delivered here to planet Earth, means that we are packages of incredible possibilities waiting to be opened … by us!

Somewhere or other, the idea might have gotten drummed into our heads that we had to be Michelangelo or Leonardo da Vinci in order to allow ourselves to do anything imaginative or expressive. We think perhaps that whatever we do must be accepted and validated by others, or by people who are ‘in the know’, in order to be considered valuable.

Very early on in first grade Mallory was making a Valentine’s card for her mother along with the rest of the children in her class. She spent time happily cutting out her little red hearts, pasted with bits of paper lace and decorated with big, colorful, magic marker flowers. All of Mallory’s little being was excited and looking forward to how much her mother would enjoy receiving the card.

When everyone was finished and the teacher came around to look at the cards, she looked at Mallory’s with a surprised expression on her face and exclaimed, ‘You are not going to give that to your mother, are you?’ Mallory was absolutely crushed … and without a word took her card and trotted over to the rubbish bin where she promptly dropped it in. Since that long ago day, Mallory has felt she could never do anything worthwhile in art and therefore stopped giving herself permission to try.

So many of us have experienced inner or outer voices which do, or don’t, give us permission to ignite our own passions. Events in life can close down our portals to expression and create doubts about our ‘right’ to be creative, especially when we compare ourselves to others.

Typically, people will say ‘Oh, I’m just not creative, I don’t have any talent, so it’s not fun’ (as if having talent has anything to do with having fun), ‘I can’t carry a tune’, ‘the only artistic brush I use is to sweep cat hair off the sofa’, ‘so and so is the talented one in the family’, ‘I’m too old’, etc.

Creativity is inventing, experimenting,growing, taking risks, breaking rules,making mistakes, and having fun.

Mary Lou Cook

But creativity is our birthright.

If you have ever watched a very young toddler trying to get out of their cot you will have noticed that he or she is extraordinarily inventive in the ways they manage to wriggle up to, and straddle, the corners of the bed in an attempt to get their leg over the bars to escape — many times with success, much to the chagrin of their parents! But nobody has said to them, ‘You don’t have the brains or imagination to figure a way out of this, so just stay put!’

To understand a little of your connection with (and fear of) imaginatively expressing yourself as well as discovering what has helped or hindered you, you might think over the following questions, since how we relate to our creativity illustrates how we relate to ourselves and our lives.

TO PONDER

> What do I feel about my relationship with creativity?

> How did I come to this conclusion? (what events in my life caused me to think this way?)

> How do I look at myself objectively as a creative person?

> Did I have a time, moment, period in my life where I really wished to express myself in a certain creative way, but did not dare?

> What were some of the reasons why I couldn’t fulfill that wish/goal?

> What was the emotional cost to me in my life of not fulfilling that desire, even in a small way?

There are as many ways to answer these questions as there are blades of grass, but typically people begin with their feelings. ‘I felt like the untalented middle child’, ‘I felt I wasn’t the creative one, since my partner was the successful artist’, ‘I was the youngest and I felt guilty for even wanting art lessons when there was no money’, ‘I was too shy and was afraid to ask for what I wanted/needed’ or ‘I was terrified of being judged and criticized’.

TO PONDER

> If you were able to chant a spell, instantly allowing you to have the life of your creative dreams or simply to have more creative outlets, large or small in your daily life:

> What would your outcomes look like?

> Would you be inspired by solitude or by connecting and collaborating with others?

> What perceived obstacles or barriers would your magic wand defeat?

> How have previous attempts to express your hopes and desires frustrated you? Or inspired you?

It is not necessary that you find concrete answers to all the questions above. They are only meant as catalysts to stir your emotions and to allow thoughts to come bubbling up which otherwise may not have surfaced. Like the old fairy tale of Rumpelstiltskin, when we know the name of something it no longer has power over us. When we are able to access our emotions, showing us how we really feel towards our creative selves, we can learn to give less importance to outer events, and be encouraged to turn inwards, developing our deeper powers of vision and expressivity.

Everything you can imagine is real.

Pablo Picasso

TIME TO RIP OFF THE WRAPPING PAPER!

Strategic decisions, visual art displays, writing, performing arts, scientific research, flower arrangements, the sports arena, public speaking, and even deciding how to arrange the laundry piles or when to feed the dog are among the hundreds of daily large and small creative acts that we participate in every day. In fact, every decision of our day and our lives involves some creative thought. We cannot help but create.

Let us see how working through some very common feelings and attitudes can propel us into a future of realized goals, fun and fulfillment!

PART 1: FEAR IN ALL ITS GLORY

1.

What the heckis fear?

You can’t stop the waves,but you can learn to surf.

Jon Kabat-Zinn

Peter is standing outside the imposing soundproof stage door, waiting to cross its threshold onto a large stage where he will perform a high-stakes orchestral audition. After a five-hour flight the previous day, he has been practicing practically all night in his hotel room using an instrument mute that makes him sound like a mosquito, since it’s the only device that will allow him to play without having all the other hotel guests banging on his door.

He knows that this is his only chance to win this position. He has been practicing and sweating about this audition for months, preparing five to six hours a day, performing mock auditions in front of others, worrying, overthinking and finally the moment is here!

Standing outside that door before he goes in, he feels beyond nervous. He knows what is at stake. It doesn’t matter about all his previous preparation. All he can think about is how nervous he feels. And how afraid he is of the fear itself! In fact, being afraid of the fear and how it will affect his playing is just as alarming as the audition. So he has double fear to worry about. He adjusts his instrument, making sure all his cello strings are in tune; his pianist is ready, the large doors swing open, letting out the smiling and confident face of the other competitor, and just as he is about to step through the door onto the huge stage … one of his cello strings snaps!

Fear generally serves to protect us in situations which may affect our survival. In ancient times, our fear protected us from hungry wild animals by sending cascades of chemicals into our systems that allowed us to fight or flee (triggering what’s known as the fight or flight response). Today, those chemical deluges are also vitally necessary when we dart back from a car rushing towards us as we cross the street.

However, sometimes fear can be an inappropriate traveling companion. Those same chemical cascades that helped us to avoid danger are much more destructive and wearing to our bodies in non-life-threatening situations such as stage performances, public speaking or year-end reviews, where we find it is not easy to turn off the reactions of rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms and shaky hands, even though we know in our heads that we will survive.

But why do